If You Leave First Will The Narcissist Respect You

[@Ancillarytheorem]

Nobody should be worried about respect from a Narcissist.

[@jackiepowell7513]

Respect trumps mush love stuff. Imo

[@WiLLiAMOnline]

1- "Coercive behaviour' is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. They also learn to surround themselves with people that "Acquiesce easily" (acquiesce:accept something reluctantly but without protest) 👌🏻

[@cherylmcelman6648]

I let this covert into my life a 2nd time after a two year period. I finally realized this time what it’s s about and gathered my courage to leave. At first I tried saying that we need to talk, instead I was met with a silent treatment. That right there told me everything I needed to know, that my decision to leave was the right thing to do. A person who values you or respects you would not meet you with a silent treatment, they would pick up the phone. It doesn’t mean it hurts any less, but I am so glad I left and have taken my power back. I’m on my healing journey and sometimes it’s painful and or lonely, but I am finally heading in the right direction. Make no mistake however narcissistic abuse is real and causes real emotional damage. I just keep keeping on. Thank you for all your great videos that make so much sense.

[@Ken5244]

This hits really hard for me. So much of it perfectly describes what happened when I got fed up with the young woman I was involved with and discarded her first. I didn't know anything about narcissism at the time -- I've been finding out about all this over the last couple months. So I didn't even know I was "discarding" her -- I just got fed up when she tried to triangulate me with a downgrade guy, so I cut ties with her. She reacted in the most bizarre way -- it was a mixture of stunned surprise, anger, and I think genuine hurt. Because she was still in the process of grooming the new supply guy and wasn't quite ready to discard me yet. So she had to act fast to secure him to replace me. It was beyond bizarre. He looked confused as hell, but he's a disgusting pig so I have zero sympathy for him. What I really want to remind people of though is that these personality disorders -- whether they are some flavor of narcissism, or BPD, or ADHD, or even low-grade narcissism that falls outside the realm of clinical, pathological narcissism -- are all on a spectrum. Many people with these personality/attachment disorders check some of the boxes but not others. And some are a mix of narcissistic, BPD-ish and ADHD problems. These disorders can be very complex, and not every afflicted person is an incurable malignant narcissist. Mine was actually a low-grade narc, or possibly even just someone with BPD, and she had a horrible, neglectful childhood. But the fact that she triangulated me and actually wanted me to stay on as a "friend" while she hooked up with a new guy is evidence that not all of these people even want to discard you completely. Some have the audacity to try to replace you as their primary supply but keep you around as secondary -- completely oblivious that no one with any self-respect would accept being treated that way. Or sometimes it isn't even audacity -- they keep the new supply hidden as long as they can. These people are so damaged, and so sick inside, that they don't think in a rational way. As Anoushka says, it's about control. Mine was so convinced she had me under her control and that I'd just kowtow to whatever role she assigned me. She was wrong. But I miss her terribly. She isn't viscerally evil -- she was damaged in early childhood, and that isn't her fault. She's trying to survive the only way she's ever known. It's a nightmare that doesn't seem to have a fix.

[@williambrownlee8739]

So true BUDDY, HAD TWO NUTTERS IN MY LIFE TILL I MET DR. MARCIN. I'M IN CANADA,, MET AN IMMIGRATED ENGLISH WOMAN.. TRUE NUTTER,, DARK TRIAD.. NO CONTACT MY FRIENDS, JUST TELL THEM TO GO AWAY AND GOOD LUCK...

[@wayneelliott1180]

Good on you for acting first. I did too. Discarding them first causes them a narcissistic injury. How dare we make such a decision beyond their control! They will stop at nothing to destroy us because we know what they are.

[@sharadnakarja821]

Exact same thing happened to me. Similar type of girl. Tried to keep me around after getting new supply who was a complete downgrade. She even told me her problems with him after. Good luck now.

[@cosmeticcarrepair]

This is so accurate. It happened the exact same way to me. I think she’s a quiet BPD.

[@Ken5244]

@@sharadnakarja821 I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you chimed in so that I know I'm not alone in experiencing this. I hope you find peace & healing. I haven't yet. I'm still trying to figure all this out.

[@louiseelliott6404]

I blindsided and discarded after almost 3 years. Took back the control and power. I no longer recognised myself and I was completely lost. Trauma bonded. I’ve physically left but emotionally I’m still attached. Blocked and deleted him. He’s a coward and a bully. I see him for what he is an immature, mentally ill (made me mentally ill), unkind, cruel, heartless, manipulative liar. I’m irreplaceable. He knows that. There was only one me and now I’m gone. I stayed because he strung me along/breadcrumbed me and I had hope that he maybe did like me but that hope died when he pushed me too far. He definitely needed me more than I ever actually needed him. Thanks Anoushka for your words of wisdom. It all resonates with me and my experience with the narc.

[@specialk8927]

Yes they are good at making you question your mental state of mind!

[@heathercarter2475]

Why would they think we actually care about them throwing a tantrum after figuring out what they are and how they acted?

[@callmecon7105]

Good

[@Yathome00]

So true! When I dumped my narc he was so shocked that I was saying adios. He knew I wasn’t a pushover to begin with and I had sent signals it was ending yet still he was so surprised. Asking if I was sure! LOL

[@heatherwagar5868]

I suddenly vanished unexpectedly. Over 4 months later he tried to Hoover while I was out running 🏃‍♀️ He was pissed 😂 feels great

[@Red-Iceberg]

I ghosted 3 years ago. Life has been great even the day after I left. Heard he hoovered, gave my friend money for me. I told her to go out and buy herself something nice. I felt great and still do, if I got smeared I didn't know about it😊😊 CREATURES is right Anoushka❤❤

[@djw8504]

I hope I can get past the bad feeling from him trying to look like he’s been done horribly wrong by my family and me! He is say that he did so much for us! I’m the one that gave and showed him unconditional and loyal love! I feel sick and I’m rdy to get to the point that it doesn’t bother me what he’s saying and how they think abt me. 🙏

[@wayneelliott1180]

Mine stalked me relentlessly and launched a vicious smear campaign after I quietly, politely backed away from her obsessive attention. My constant non-response to a laundry list of provocations enraged her. Cue her inclusion of Police who - fortunately - dismissed her lies. The narc has hunted me for 5 years now. She will never stop. Her hate is inexhaustible. I'm using it all as a learning experience.

[@la.mu.sa10]

Geez 😭😭😭 such horrible lessons we found...

[@weaselwacker5462]

No. Id be afraid of revenge but Id leave anyway and have a safety plan.

[@bidensucks6792]

I didn't leave, I threw his ass out! On top of that a let him take a car that he didn't pay the bill on so he is now doing the last of 3 years in prison because before it was reposted I reported it stolen with him being the last seen with it with his address, social security number, and place of work. I'm happy with this outcome personally. If he comes after me an any way whatsoever. I will end him personally !

[@specialk8927]

👏

[@Dee-Dee4959]

I'm the one who left, and this made him so angry that he is still resenful and bitter, 10 years later! I don't care cos I have been on a journey of self-improvement and empowerment since then. I even burned every photo with me and him in it, and gave him the ones with just him, or him and the kids. My only regret is ever meeting him, opening the door to let him into my life, and having children with him. Since he knows that I'm switched off from him completely, he attempts to control me through them, but now that they're older, no-contact has become possible and I'm free! What a toxic mess our marriage was, and what a messy web I got entangled in!

[@selinaogorman8380]

Good for you improving yourself exactly the narcissist hates when you cut them out of your life they know for sure they know they lost control and the supply they wanted from you so when you take control of your life in a positive way the narcissist hates it so keep up the great work.❤️🙏

[@jacquelotts2616]

I know i agree that will just make them mad i was tired of being his errand girl and maid thats the only reason he didnt leave me first thats all narcissists get their karma by leaving them they only get worse with age believe me

[@ZulaikaKatende]

I was facing the same thing until I said enough is enough, n I go completely no contact. He is completely blocked

[@jacquelotts2616]

@@ZulaikaKatende yes ive blocked my narcissist too i told him i want no more contact with you im lookimg out for myself this is in my best intrest unbelievable i spent 30 years with this toxic man all the manipulation gaslighting lies cheating devaluing me making fun of me unreal wish i would have known about this 30 years ago or i wouldnt have stayed so long i married him twice their wont be a third time thats for sure hes history now

[@barkingtree88]

It's the only way to truly get under their skin and have any significant impact... I drew that conclusion myself after years of pointless arguments.

[@ZulaikaKatende]

Same

[@wayneelliott1180]

Yes, discard them and totally go No Contact. It causes a narc injury which drives them insane. Hopefully when acting on their rage they will reveal themselves to all and sundry.

[@edgreen8140]

They don't respect themselves how could they respect you. They will flip it and display a false vulnerability or flip it and play the victim

[@specialk8927]

All the time

[@Mike-kj4gx]

I asked her to leave. She didn't want to....

[@peat_dont_repeat]

I appreciate your response.. Great!! Cuz, they can leave you feeling like the person who is hurting them the way they shame and guilt. And your response leaves me feeling how she is not the victim. You managed to cover the details great. Oh, and they do use the judicial system in witch it is protection of true victims of abuse to get their way.

[@ManishVerma-nr2xl]

So.poweful and knowledgable anoushka is

[@johnjohnstone9805]

there was a song from my childhood I sometimes wonder about, after discovering the subject of narcissism, it was titled "I will never find another ewe" I always thought it was a beautiful sentiment but now am not so sure.

[@maxinehurley8824]

Don't you mean you? Rather than female sheep?

[@donnahale1011]

This is a GREAT message and so true...thx so much...I have listened to this message several times cuz I could identify...I left the narc NEVER to return cuz I now know he is toxic and unable 2 love me and b n any kind of relationship.

[@WiLLiAMOnline]

Sulk. 😂 Hope you are good Anoushka 🙏🏻

[@jkies11]

Can someone answer one question for me? With my narc situationship I never got the so-called love bombing. What the heck? I feel a bit cheated because I took all kinds of abuse and bullshit from this bastard. He checks all the boxes in the malignant narc profile. Trust me. Manipulation, control, trying to get me to explode so he could call me insane or tell me I was all over the place, etc. He would ghost me then get angry because I did not contact him. He devalued me, insulted me, pushed me away then pulled me back, induced me to do things I was uncomfortable with. But I never got any kind of attempts by him to treat me in a way that made me feel special or loved by them at all- not in the beginning, not in the end. Only several times when he was worried I was tired of him. Those times the kindness was very short lived and barely human.

[@mhairiherriot]

Mines did the same as yours- I reckon some of them don’t love bomb, perhaps they are lazier or more malignant? I don’t know if it will make you feel any better- just try to remember they treat everyone in some sort of false way, everything they do is a manipulation. They aren’t good people!

[@djw8504]

Ohh wow!! Same here! I ignored so many red flags before and during the 7yr relationship. I can’t believe I wanted to be with him because he was so much like my Dad! It’s so crazy. I was am a very happy silly caring person that never meets a stranger! He almost made me feel that he was just settling and I wasn’t good enough. When I started to change and he cld tell I was pulling away, then he wld be sweet to me. The whole push pull, talk to other women and the worst thing of all is when I put my 83 yr old mom before him, and I cld tell it made him mad but he didn’t wannna admit that because our friends wld know what a Selfish, Spoiled POS he was. My Mom passed away and then came the discard! He told everyone that I changed so he was letting me have time! Such a lie but tried to sound like he cared and wld be there waiting. I miss my Sweet Mom so much. She is helping me stay away and keep moving forward 🙏🌺

[@jkies11]

@@djw8504 Keep moving forward for your mom!

[@williambrownlee8739]

Thanks!

[@anoushkamarcin]

Thank you 😊

[@mjathisbestandteachingskil6980]

Everything you said in this blog was correct. Thou they reach out and I did not return a phone call or a message. Just return their item through a delivery company and to be signed upon delivery. Nothing more. I'll stay in no contact and keep moving forward with my life. Pretty much they were warned from the beginning no nonsense or b.s.. Thou I've learn too, of whom / type person I was dating thanks to yotube.👍👋👋👋👋👋help me figure things out.

[@traetuusplays8987]

I got discarded had no idea what was going on. Now I've lost everything. Kidd and all. Yaye for 12 years.

[@comparecards5688]

Sorry to hear that i hope things will work for you in near future

[@De_Bengels]

I discarded him After i was done with bis behavior. What hé did. was treating me stalking me and smearing me.

[@sea.imagineering]

Haha I took action as soon as he stepped over my boundary. And then he reacted with saying it was quite egotistical and vengeful of me to react like that 🤣 I told him: I told you NOT to step over this boundary I laid down. This is a consequence of your behaviour. Karma will get you, I dont waste my time on revenge myself. And then he said: ok then we are done. Know what my boundary was? Not to hurt anyone. It was a normal basic boundary and I discovered how intensely bad he hurt everyone. It was shocking! My brain can't comprehend that kind of evil existing. And that is why they succeed. That kind of evil is so unreal. I still feel a little dissociation. But! As soon as I discarded him, my depressive state was gone and my life got back to being shiny and sparkly. ❤

[@redefinedliving5974]

I was called prideful and manipulative lol

[@chasestacks7792]

Im not sure some of the things they do are intentional. Its just a matter of being impulsive and not being able to control themselves when it comes to other people. They aren’t conscious that theyre action affect other people. Its like living life with blinders

[@comparecards5688]

That’s true

[@la.mu.sa10]

They are conscious

[@rosewitch1186]

I look at nartistic people as they are not up to my standard of approval I don't need them cos full of drama

[@specialk8927]

He likes to call me names especially if we’re intimate. One day I got tired of that cause he was bringing up some other chick that can come to his house but not me who he always tells me is doing well for herself and he plays the game well and I wasn’t going to mess that up since I threatened him to go by his house for a pop up visit! He called me a name and I hauled off and slapped him across his face! He was actually shocked and he had to restrain himself he said I was the type of B-- that would give a ninja 25 years so he left and didn’t want to talk to me for months but when he came back he came back with a vengeance wanting to do an eye for an eye but not just a slap me back he wanted to whip me with an extension cord!😮 I’m not a child and I’m not putting up with his control issues he said he has to be in control at all times which means I can’t even get on top of him for his fear of loosing control! Something is definitely wrong with him. If I don’t answer his calls he gives me the silent treatment for weeks or months. I told him the other day I don’t have time for games so ✌️out! I deserve better!

[@AzizaMiller]

So are you saying these narcs punish and persecute others because of their childhood trauma and now that take it out on anyone who tries to love them?

[@michignamymichigan]

I thought they are simple?

[@callmecon7105]

Think he got new supply he been acting differently

[@shelleyCollins-o6y]

ALL this like BDSM the Master has all control very evil as well sick minds my narc is 79 yrs old.

[@bobbyjj5372]

Why do people care about narcissus so much they left you they treated you like trash, people still cannot get over them it's been like five years you know what it is, these people they don't want to date somebody in their league, theae people want to date somebody better than them better-looking, but it's energetically impossible because you attract who You are. They think they scored big with this person, but it just turn out to be the narcissist. If you want a better-looking person somebody with a better body, then work on yourself first, because you will always attract who You are. This is why people can't let them go because obviously they are in the higher League, and the desire to want somebody in the higher League, rather than just going out with somebody that is in your league. I think this is what key people attached to these narcissist that has to be something, that you were doing to keep this going. Everybody has free will, it's that desire to have somebody better than you. Let that go, and you will be free.

[@spaideman7850]

lol. you still looking forward for narcissist to respect you? it's like u saw a ghost and ran away but later thought if i didn't run will the ghost respect me more...

[@comparecards5688]

Stop bashing and painting everyone with the same brush not every break up is connected to narcissism!!

[@WiLLiAMOnline]

That wasn't implied and it's quite obvious (y)

[@comparecards5688]

@@WiLLiAMOnline my bad was referring to ppl that commenting Not the vlogger if you like!