My Schizophrenic Experience

[@j0kehuman]

Even people with depression sometimes can’t keep up with their hygiene or keeping things clean! It’s just not the first thing on their mind that is important u. Know, don’t fret too much xx

[@JerusalemIfi4getU]

Great video like always. As a fellow schizophrenic I felt everything you said. From not enjoying social interaction to just sticking to things that make you happy. Your videos have definitely helped me, I appreciate it

[@CuriousGoodsJessica]

I have anxiety, if I don't take my meds I end up crying over everything, overreacting, etc., but this isn't about me AT ALL - I also had panic attacks for about a year and I feel great sympathy and empathy for you. I don't like being around people either or meeting new people, I tend not to trust people. It's hard to operate socially in a "phony" basis, work events, etc. I do NOT want to be presumptuous at all, just saying I sympathize and understand some of the things you deal with. All my best to you, thanks for sharing this with us and helping people understand what you deal with, I hope people give back support you can use & take strength from.

[@j.c.95]

Seroquel makes my fiance sleep a lot. He's also very messy but we clean together and that helps. He doesn't like the mess but he gets stuck on getting started. Your videos have helped me a lot because it gives me good insight on ways to approach him when he's troubled.

[@djbryce]

I've been following your vids for many years and find you to be a fascinating individual. For someone who dropped out of school at such an early age, you come across extremely intelligent. You have done a great job of dealing with your situation and I give you great credit for using your vids to help others to understand Schizophrenia. It's been interesting to watch you grow up and mature as a man. I hope you will continue to grow and get better. BTW I like your current look... The longer hair looks good on you. Take care of yourself and keep the videos coming.

[@bunny4315]

Intelligence has nothing to do with school. I think it's inappropriate for a man to comment on a young boy's appearance.

[@er1ns]

Amie M why be so negative? The guy said nothing but positive and uplifting things to him. There is nothing wrong with what he said about his appearance. A compliment is a compliment, the sex of the individuals has nothing to do with it. Consider opening your mind just a little. Must be hard to live that way..

[@A.A.S231]

My brother (32 years old) is hygienic and he has a good job that he is so obsessed with. He’s never absent. But he is hallucinating everyday that his colleagues are trying to get him kicked out, and his reasons be like “someone looked at me while he was signing a paper”, he sees people sometimes pointing at him and always accusing us that we do bad stuff behind his back like recording him. It’s really getting worse and worse, lately he ran out of his flat because he found a small opening in the ceiling and he thought “it must be a hidden camera that meant to end his career”, and he spent all of his money in the hotel. He’s struggling with panic attacks so he calls my parents at least 5 times a day to calm him down, sometimes he calls 25 times a day. The sad thing is he refuses to get diagnosed because of how our culture (middle east) look at psychiatric patients. He has never admitted that something is not right.

[@missmadmilly7162]

Basically, our diagnosis is almost the same... And you speak very well to me, you help me with your words like explain to myself what really happens and I dont know how to express. I appreciate it all. Thanks ♡

[@kingtiger889]

Sorry to hear you have to deal with this. I can’t imagine how difficult it is.

[@chloetopping8451]

it would be super interesting to have your parents come on and talk about their perspectives on raising a child with schizophrenia :)

[@leannecroteau]

I was so happy when I saw that you had made another video about your experiences with Schizophrenia. Also, thanks for not editing your videos because it would take away from the realism of them. I have Schizophrenia too and it makes me feel good to watch your videos because I feel like someone else understands me. Keep making great and unedited videos. ☺

[@fopoooy]

The anger and dislike of change ( even breaking of-hands from fits ) sound reminiscent of possible autism spectrum disorder. I hope you look into it and possibly consider asking about it because not only do that and schizophrenia have some things in common with social issues but I have seen it co-occure. I have asd and have had a few experiences of my life where I was left alone and got paranoid and called the police. If I stay there freaking out long enough I began to hear footsteps and breathing outside until I barracade the door. I also locked myself out on a few occasions and have had probably a number of hallucinations throughout my life and mainly my childhood. Now that I’ve reflected I see that secluding myself which I’ve always done left me quite vulnerable to the world and I felt that. It makes you susceptible to anxiety and fear even more so because you are not integrated and don’t feel you have control of the world around you. I also left my room a mess. I would hoard dishes in my room because I was scared of people saying things to me about them , I couldn’t deal with it. At one point there was a swarm of flies all around me that would attack me when I shut off the lights because of the laptop screen. I would go to school with dirty clothes and eyeliner smeared everywhere and not even think twice. Yet when I got home and got into my routine I would take a shower and take care of myself and enjoyed my research and what not. If someone said something to me about the room or anything I’d get angry and felt like they’d sabotaged me even more cuz I was trying to just manage my energy and do it at my pace. It was an overwhelming hell and created a void between me and people that left me scared of them. The real thing is I didn’t understand their intentions , because I didn’t understand why they expected of me what they did and why it mattered to them . I lacked cognitive empathy to put myself in their shoes, but on my side it felt like I was being attacked for just existing. I just heard what you were saying and a lot of that flooded back to me. I’m very sorry for intruding if it looks like I’m thinking I’m a Doctor because I know I’m not anything special. But I really related to a lot of it and if all my thoughts and reflections I spend all day doing in my anxiety formulate anything that can help anyone , I’m not afraid to look stupid or gross. I really hope you find it as easy as possible in this life and I hope you keep that creative and open mind that lets us all have a window. You do not need editing or anything , because you say things just as they are and you give details without meaningless distractions. It is really useless as well. I will leave this here,

[@AnnaBulaklak369]

Thanks for helping out Jacob!

[@rocktekhne]

I've been watching your content since 2014 my introduction to your channel & personal experiences with schizophrenia was "Schizophrenic on a bad day" I don't know if you'll see this comment or not but if you do know that I'm 19 I've been diagnosed with OCD GAD & Bipolar type II I was dealing with extreme episodes of panic depression & mood swings which your videos helped me through immensely I wanted to thank you for being so open optimistic & honest with your videos I know you're also an avid gamer I'd definitely be interested in linking up & playing sometime or just talking if you'd ever be cool with that my gamer tag is Rock Tekhne my personal favorite is Oblivion I noticed you're also a big Skyrim fan that's dope man let me know regardless stay blessed & continue doing the things that keep you balanced & inspired much love bro 💯

[@bunny4315]

It's odd.. I have seen this Orb before many times in my life, once I was with my boyfriend and we both saw it at the same time and it floated across the room slowly and then went into the wall. We both saw it. We were not on drugs. I also saw an orb float in my room and I was watching my cat watch it. Maybe people with certain mental illnesses are able to see a realm that others don't see.

[@JesusSaves194]

Amie M No these orbs are real , they are demonic spirits. Only Jesus Christ can make them go away .

[@1961maya]

Thank you so much Jacob! I really appreciate your information!

[@Jacqueline17678]

This might be a weird question but how have you avoided gaining weight while taking seroquel?? Also you should make a video debunking how Hollywood depicts schizophrenia

[@drubesrubio]

I take respirdal as well, and have gained more than a 100 pounds. It so easy to put them on for me, and so slow to take them off. Especially for my body type. SO any help will be appreciated as well.

[@tolisk1338]

man risperdall sucks when i used to take it i couldnt sit anywhere it works well for u??

[@basshunter8025]

@@tolisk1338 how is the sex drive if i take respirdal?

[@drubesrubio]

For me it works alright, but lots of weight gain, and impotence. Makes my mind relax and makes me sleep like a baby at night.

[@basshunter8025]

@@drubesrubio hmm sounds good. What kind of impotence?

[@ashleghscott7801]

Just stay strong it will get better soon💪🏻💕

[@whatusername9189]

I got an intresting fact for yall. Voices in your head can manipulate your vocal chords. For example when i was at the peak of my psychosis they talked and i mean literally made my tracheotomy scar on my neck move up and down in the motions of saying "see i can talk out of the hole in your neck" yo ihad no choice but to get on meds 😂 but like my guy said in the video dont fear the inevitable just accept it and do the best you can to cope with it. At first i hated being on antipsychotics and now i just accept it. Although my pdoc is going to try and ween me off in the next 1-3 years i just accept the fact that i might have to be on APs for the rest of my life if it doesnt work. Im going to ask him to switch cause the one im currently on isnt weight neutral like i litterally have to workout for 2 to 3 hours a day everyday to not gain but lose since my weight wont sustain. I try to make as much sence with that last sentence as possible but you get what im saying. Anyway schizophrenia is not a death sentence as much as it is a lifestyle change its better to get help asap rather then wait it out. But at the same time if you can manage your symptoms without meds then go for that as well. It just depends on the severity of the illness. Good luck to everyone

[@whatusername9189]

Modestas Kaminskas thank you but the thing about the meds and psychosis is that it sort of makes it difficult to be creative at least in my case but im not really trippin any more

[@secretaryofoffense7118]

My paranoia is quite bad as well. I also barracade my bedroom door when I'm in here, can't look at people when I talk, and am paranoid of murderers, bombs, snipers, the list goes on. No matter how much I check though the house I always still think someone's hiding in there waiting to kill me.

[@lenny6506]

You seem so calm for being so afraid ! I’d be losing my shit ! Def wouldn’t be able to talk about what’s going on in my mind - to a camera or anyone !

[@cam3455]

It’s amazing that you are still making these, keep it up

[@SuperiorRobyn]

My mom is having a psychotic episode . Except I’m not convinced what she’s saying is all untrue. I went into psychosis a couple times on a couple bad acid trips. It was crazy the stuff that was happening. synchronicities like crazy. I was sitting there thinking I was the poop queen and I shit you not my friend said, “sit on the poop throne Robyn!” I ran down to the jail right across the street cause I though I had to save a guy from killing himself. I looked a wreck and was literally dancing and singing in the lobby of the jail. I thought a stage was gonna open up and everyone I loved was gonna be in the audience. Lucky I didn’t get arrested. I was dancing and singing to over come my fears. I have a hard time talking to people and I talked to every single person that came in,even the deputy in the window. To face my fears. I could see how the second I started to doubt myself how that would affect my interaction with other people. When I left the jail I got it I my head that I needed to break into the prison right across the street to prove I was my own god. The wind was insanely strong then. So strong it was litterally pushing me in the direction of the prison. I saw this as a sign to do it but I was too scared. There was a lot of truth in my bad trips I could see all of the things that I needed to change about myself so clearly. I could see all the thing I cover up and hide from myself in my day to day life. There is soooo much more to it I could say. SeriouslyI think there is something to psychosis. Something we don’t understand. There is something to psychedelics. I have often seen wisps of smokes and shadows and things of the sort. I do not see this as schizophrenia or psychosis I truly believe there is such a thing as entities and spirits.

[@nicholaslandry6367]

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder as a kid and I can tell I'm getting better but I'm getting better as being me idk what I'd do or who'd be without that either

[@mysteryandmeaning297]

When in counseling he said to me that using the word mentally ill is old school. He said its "chemical imbalance problems." Or just skitzophrena.

[@suzannealsop3394]

Thank you for this video Jacob. Love all your videos as they are really helpful and make me feel less alone with the illness. I have schizoaffective disorder and take 200mg seroquel daily. I have only had one slight visual hallucination and a couple of auditory hallucinations in my lifetime when I have been off my meds. The main thing with me is delusional and obsessive thinking when I am not taking meds to the point that I can not function at all. On my meds I am able to go to work and function relatively normal as long as I do not have too much stress and get plenty of rest. I too am not comfortable around many people in person but then I think to myself that although I do respect every human being, I’m sorry some people are just dumb so that helps me cope better. I think you are an amazing person and I really value you so a big thank you from me. Sounds like maybe your hallucinations are moving towards better ones and not so dark and scary hopefully. Hey, when are you going to get some more planetary tattoos on your arm? Much love 💕🌍⭐️

[@leannecroteau]

I have Schizophrenia and that has been hard enough at times. It must be really tough to have Schizoaffective disorder. I am interested in learning more about Schizoaffective disorder. ☺️

[@meloneymacdonald4247]

you look really good with your hair this long, hi from your fellow schizophrenic

[@donnamartin5780]

Ur not alone I have it too dealing with it for a long time I'm here for u 💯 I pray for u 🙏❤️ God bless you 🙏

[@blizzardangel79]

Jacob I was doing research on this and other countries and it's amazing that our country labels this as an illness while other countries and cultures label it a spiritual gift that just needs to be controlled with things like meditation. Ty for sharing. 😃 I was diagnosed as schizoaffective back in like 2004, I've been meditating, plus I've tried CBD oil and it does seem to help as well although I don't know if that an alternative medicine would work for you or not.

[@LivingDead53]

They first diagnosed me as having schizoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, ocd personality disorder, social anxiety disorder, and ADHD. Then they said psychosis NOS and PTSD and like three different schizophrenias. Then they said I was bipolar then schizoaffective disorder then anxiety disorder. They said OCD wasn't their fault and neither was bulimia, but they treated it, so whatever. I'm pretty sure I have childhood schizophrenia and paranoid personality disorder. Don't even look at me. I functioned for two years in the army. They made it worse. I don't lie to them. I've told them all this before.

[@LivingDead53]

I was disorganized with all my stuff and had bad hygiene as a kid, and my special ed teacher used to have to chase me down with a brush. I've been showering and changing clothing for several years now, brushing my teeth for almost a year, but I tend to trash my apartment. I get lazy. Sometimes it's because I'm having issues, but I do tend to let things go other times. I have a helper, and she can tell the difference. Grr. When I'm bad, I'll start talking to the clock, and she'll have to get me away from it. My eyes change when I'm psychotic, not that I notice. Apparently, they move. She doesn't like when I laugh, but that means I'm not focusing.

[@susanmartinez7675]

I’ve been suffering from depression, ocd and anxiety. The real reason I’m here is my nephew was diagnosed with schizophrenia so I’ve been doing research hoping to help him. Most of my family is...well, pretty ignorant and like to pretend it’s not having. My nephew won’t take his meds, we’ve heard him talking to I guess the voices. I want to help him, I’m hoping that I’m on medication that maybe he would open up to me and trust me. I’m trying to educate my self to try to connect or mostly help him. He’s not taking his medication. I just want him to open up to me I just want to help him. I’m scared.

[@chrissyquartly2893]

Thanks for ur vids they help me alot and alot of other people too!

[@kcamroccamian]

Are you hoping to figure out a way to get outside more comfortably? Won't you have you eventually?

[@LivingDead53]

They already tested me for autism, and I came out schizophrenic, and I took the test the same way as a child except worse on memory and some other things as an adult, but I had trouble as a kid, too, with some tasks. My whole family on one side is pretty much stupid or nuts or both.

[@triciatroyer53]

👌💖💖💖 Really glad I watched this. You have helped me a lot. Been having trouble talking and typing lately too.. can’t figure it out. Also, the comment about doing what you like doing was eye opening for me. Seems so simple. Just do what I want... hmmm. Why haven’t I done that before..

[@uncannybre]

I’m not schizophrenic & my room is also a mess. Like just how you described yours so I’m *hoping* that means it’s relatively normal lol

[@JessicaNichoelFarley]

I have Schizoaffective disorder depressive type, post traumatic stress disorder, and unspecified personality disorder. What it is like for me is like a horror movie. I see ghost of dead children, shadows and demons. Spirits talk to me and i can hear them like they are talking to me in the room. They say rude things about me, tell me to kill myself and tell me I'm destined for hell.

[@_Talise]

He brought up orbs and I started to freak out. Light blue orbs going into my kitchen like wisps from brave. I saw them years ago but I still remember it vividly. I think I may have schizophrenia, but I'm not sure. Hence why I'm trying to find out more. I'm mostly just paranoid but I hear things sometimes, and feel things like crawling but Idk if that's part of it. But anyways, yeah, orbs. Edit: Recently I've seen things. Mostly just faceless people.

[@JesusSaves194]

Lyra Frost Message me back for help my son has seen many orbs and shadow entities and same with my daughter . One time he was oppressed by demons They were making him growl and act violent. I prayed over him and he instantly shook violently and threw up and eyes rolled back in his head . He said when I prayed rebuking these spirits in the name of Jesus Christ that the demons got angry but they had to leave . He felt them go from his stomach to his throat out his mouth when he threw up. Jesus has power over these spirits, if you don’t start praying against them things will get worse and you become schizophrenic or bipolar. I pray over many people with mental illness and it’s always demonic spirits. They all see dark shadow figures, orbs and many hearing voices telling them to do evil things against people .

[@arizo3806]

Don't watch scary movies or expose yourself to scary stories or scary characters. Forget that world. Don't let it into your head. I've stopped watching scary movies and I can't seem to think of anything scary now. If you have to, sleep with the lights on until it goes away. When do these hallucinations happen? In broad daylight? Even outside?

[@hellsgate3501]

I had a hallucination this morning that made me jump. It was this scary clown face and I freaked out

[@castme13]

I recently just got diagnosed with Schizoid personality disorder (which is a completely different thing from schizophrenia), Major depressive disorder, PTSD and I guess I have traits of autism which I dont really believe because a lot of symptoms coincide with Schizoid.

[@Catodex]

your making me wonder if bad memory is associated with schizophrenia

[@arizo3806]

Everybody sees things once in awhile where their brain is just messing with them. But if you see it all the time, that's very scary. I hope your hallucinations get better. And with auditory hallucinations, your saying you heard a woman? Maybe a she devil has a crush on you and gets mad when you pay other people attention and or a witch is trying to send you a message through the spiritual realm because maybe the witch likes you too. I used to hear voices in my sleep where I'd be paralyzed, eyes closed, not really dreaming either. Boy voices that would call me stupid.

[@helzi4393]

Great video Donny.

[@rebeccamendez2691]

Donny?

[@dongiveachit0241]

Tbh tho I don’t like being around people Idk all ways.gives me anxiety

[@W711-t7x]

Can't we just take a moment to appreciate how much of a hero this man is to deal with this kind of stuff day in and day out? Seriously, most of normal ppl are just lazy and complain all the time because life get's too easy for them but I can't even imagine how it must feel to live with schizophrenia. I'm am terrified of the mere thought of it.

[@taerbaer7062]

I have felt that people can hear my thoughts for quite a few years now and I just want to know if anyone can hear my thoughts since it is ruining my life

[@aribamanjudevi3368]

"It's telling us to master our emotions n feelings imho... Like those monks do... "

[@rebeccamendez2691]

Jacob - I always enjoy your videos. I always love listening to whatever your talking about! Pls keep making videos! One thing I was wondering about and maybe u can do a video on this subject is your parents. How do u interact with them. Do they come to your room!? Do they try to talk 2 you? Or how does it affect them... Can u do a video on that maybe if u don't mind.

[@e38203]

Hey Jacob, i'm sorry that you have this hallucinations, it's horrible. I live in russia and also have this illness, i have paranoid schizophrenia. I think your doctor isn't honest about the different types of schizophrenia. Good luck.

[@SeanMcNerney]

I'm schizophrenic & if I made a video no one would subscribe because I wouldn't say anything - I would just stare at the camera & look stupid

[@GuanTones]

Hey, I know you probably won't read this but if you do; how do you think you would react if you were stuck with 2 people in a cell for 1 month?

[@34mozart]

How, how can i motivate my ex boyfriend to get in his meds? How can his mom get him on it? He's severely dangerous. I love and miss him, I hated to leave him, bur he wouldn't get on his meds and I was scared for my safety. He got mad I left, then said he's better to be alone, then gets mad I'm not there. It's emotionally turmoil for me, but I can't not be there for him. He trusts me and I love him no matter what.

[@JesusSaves194]

Christi Kurkjian Pray for him , I prayed for my brother who is a violent bipolar for 12 years and he was healed instantly he’s been perfectly normal now for over two years and is working full-time and super happy

That mood disorder they were talking about was probably bipolar

[@beantowncutie1]

Hey im new to this channel. Ur a very intelligent guy why dont u try to finish school online?

[@anne-cecilierogne9113]

i have no hearing hallucinations anymore.i tried to stop medication, but get very aggressive when i stop taking medication. why?

[@robertallan6373]

Find out why you get angry, and deal with it, and then let it go, worked for me.

[@tarrenseran3720]

May God bless your soul.

[@aawoo5957]

Do you go to therapy? What kind of therapy?any feedback about it?

[@star.light.ls.]

Life is just not worth living if you have this illness, like I do. But you have to go on.

[@jessicalepins1433]

I like your personnality ! Can you make other vidéos like talking about your passions, the things that you like doing / playing ? In an older video you talked about lions and space and i found it very interesting, and you said you like to learn in a lot of different subjects so i think you could talk about what you've learn recently ^^ (Sorry for my poor english i'm french)

[@chrissyquartly2893]

I gained 50 pounds on seroquel now i refuse meds they never helped me!

[@aawoo5957]

Did you try to overcome to talk with people? How is it going?

[@JerryJmindfuladvocate]

All your videos are awesome i've subscribed on my personal youtube account and this youtube account as well. Keep the videos going because you are doing great! You've inspired me, don't let anything hinder your progress, stay positive and keep the faith and good things shall come in your life. "Some" of society has betrayed mental health and everyone who has a mental health issue shall not let anything stop them from speaking on what's right and logical. Once again awesome videos!

[@rupertchristian548]

miss you bro

[@wanderingunicorn6529]

The movie signs scarred me with aliens. I'm unhygienic too and I think it's true about us. You just don't care. My room gets so bad that someone else cleans it cause it starts to bother THEM. If they clean it then I get irritated and paranoid that they went through my stuff. Bad cycle.

[@chrissyquartly2893]

I liked your singing vids! Where are they?

[@rihannagirl556]

You're so wise and mature for 22 😍 It really is a pleasure listening to you.

[@malcolmmacrae3276]

Have you tried meditation. It helps me with my schizophrenia.

[@LivingDead53]

As I spam, I totally see Alma in my dreams and between. I brush her hair. She doesn't like to show me her face. I understand what you mean about it defining you, even though they say it doesn't or don't let it. Yeah, go team! It's like being born with an extra limb. You're used to it. It becomes part of your personality. Blondes have more fun. Schizophrenics have experienced some shit. Most of us aren't exactly bright, so we become even more cursed in society. I don't think you're dumb. We have a different mind. We aren't the same species as the humans, nasty creatures.

[@laurawhite533]

would you fear getting well. because your lifestyle has revolved around your illness . you communicate so well you would make someone a wonderful friend. fight thru the fear because you make up things in your head just like all of us and it not the truth .its a lie that tries to keep you down. push thru the fear . look up dr abrham hoffer i hope you do . im not saying that it most definitly will help you but it could his protocol helped many people. lots of love to you

[@iwarrior89]

How are you today?

[@drubesrubio]

I can see you have questions about when we die? You shouldn't be afraid of dying like you say in the video. But it says in the bible Hebrews 9:27 "And just as each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment," So when we die we will stand before God and with our sin nature we will stand condemned. BUT Jesus made a way for us to made right with God through Faith. Hebrews 10:9" And that message is the very message about faith that we preach: 9 If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved. 11 As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.” 1 Peter 2:24 "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed." Jesus loves you

[@johnsmith-qc1dc]

rubes4cubes I'm not exactly the most religious person but I'm able to appreciate the bible/core beliefs of christianity and a lot of other religions. there are many good lessons to be taught. I also appreciate that you don't discriminate against schizophrenics and say they're possessed and instead try to help. thank you.

[@drubesrubio]

You can have your opinion, I have mine. God Bless you.

[@butterflycucumbers6279]

I think it’s dumb to be advertising your religion, everyone knows that religion is pretty much evil at the end of the day, denial is not a river in Egypt.

[@gabbyplaten3487]

Random question but are you from Cincinnati by chance? You look super familiar.

[@kiracartwright9744]

scripted or not, i think that you organize your thoughts more effectively than a lot of people in this video.

[@mrblue8439]

Hi

[@caitlinsalyers1017]

People aren't schizophrenic that's the issue.....the end

[@zainsalazar3382]

There are videos on yt on helping eye contact don't know if you'd want to try it

[@richiliz]

Ur so pretty😍☺️

[@colemithrush]

You always think about all your problems, when are you gunna take charge?

[@sarahoyrealestate]

K but is he single? Swoon.

[@Essays4College]

Speak up a little louder in your videos. I can hardly hear you.

[@jamie4686]

Turn your volume up

[@laurawhite533]

would you fear getting well. because your lifestyle has revolved around your illness . you communicate so well you would make someone a wonderful friend. fight thru the fear because you make up things in your head just like all of us and it not the truth .its a lie that tries to keep you down. push thru the fear . look up dr abrham hoffer i hope you do . im not saying that it most definitly will help you but it could his protocol helped many people. lots of love to you