Im Hurting Inside 💔

[@mrdojob]

Settle with your sister and her friend. It's a better option than moving in with an online boyfriend. You can meet him properly after you become more established.

[@raz8552]

This right here is very good advice.

[@treehouse8501]

Oh holy shit, she doesn’t even know this guy in real life. She’s asking for trouble trouble trouble.

[@mrdojob]

@@treehouse8501 Not really. Most people are very reasonable, certainly more so than her parents appear to be. This guy isn't some random stranger but has the seal of approval from her sister. She'll almost certainly be fine living with them.

[@treehouse8501]

@@mrdojob oh ok ok I see. Very well then

[@Brotection_]

@@mrdojob You never know. Despite even more reassurance than that I've had terrible things happen to friends and family of mine that decided to trust in the wrong people.

[@maxwell9734]

I'm 45 and my younger life, was just like you described yourself... #1. Do not move in with the BF! Don't go to California. #2. Save as much money as you can, and wait till you're settled in on your own. #3. Pick Four things that you like eating and learn how to cook it at home. #4. You could go to Italy and stay for a few days and then fly back. #5. Go slowly and keep your eyes open. ( If your B.F. knows that you're a virgin, he'll take it from you and then, leave you... Don't tell anyone that! #6. Relax. You're not a loser. And, you're extremely smart and beautiful! #7. Stay off the Internet. Get dressed up and get outside. Go to a park and feed the ducks. Ride a bike. Go to the animal shelter and pet the dogs that are begging to be with someone. Put on a little make up and get a pretty dress.. you could have any guy that you want! Seriously. Don't listen to any negative thoughts... Because you are in control of your own life!

[@m42666]

@maxwell9734 - I AGREE with your advice steps 100%. I would add that she should get a hobby that takes her outside in sunshine & nature. Perhaps a hiking club - a way to get outside, get healthy sunshine and meet wholesome people.

[@raz8552]

I also agree with this. I'm 42 and have suffered from severe depression and PTSD my whole life. I've gone through all the same things you have. @maxwell9734 has clearly dealt with the same or similar as us. Their seven steps are a great start, seriously. I know it feels like you have no idea what you're doing, and like nobody in the world really gets it... but that's not the case. Depression is a very real thing, and it can absolutely warp your view of yourself and your world in horrifying ways. You're beautiful, you're clearly intelligent, and you're better than the way you see yourself. Why not go to Cape Town like you mentioned in your previous video? It's a beautiful place. Get out and see the world, it helps. Living in your room isn't healthy, and I only say this because I've been there. It took me way, way too long to figure out what was going on with me and I'm only now just starting to live. Please don't leave this too long. You deserve a far better life, and only you can give you that life. I won't lie, it's really hard, but it's really worth it.

[@legionofgod6691]

Fr

[@GodOfTetris]

I hope you listen to these great advice & real life experience from @maxwell9734. I hope you listen to your parents who want the best for you. They are the ones who can provide you the stability, assurances & support that you need in your life at this crucial time.

[@juliem6696]

Entirely agree. Someone else cannot fix problems for us. Doing things, making small steps in the right direction, making good decisions, getting out, improving, those are the things that matter. Physical activity, sunlight, eating right, etc. can do wonders.

[@sadcapyyoutube]

Moving in with someone you met online isn't a good idea.

[@kingjoseph5901]

I can relate to a certain degree. You're beautiful and stronger than you think!

[@Sor9ry426]

She IS cute, people continue to watch her videos

[@Riboflavingavin]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, being in the 20-30s is super scary so I feel you. Change is so scary but it’s only temporary until it becomes the norm. Ik this is a late comment but you’re not alone with these feelings. It’s good that you do have people who love you that you can move in with. “It’s scary knowing you’re gonna have to face a big change in life” bruh that’s so accurate and something I been struggling with for so long. I hope you know nothing is temporary and life may be tough now but it’ll get better. Thanks for sharing your feelings, I wish more people were open about this kind of stuff. Hope you feel better soon and things work out. Don’t feel guilty for leaving your state, you do what makes your life better.

[@C0sm1c.n00dle]

Just subscribed to your channel and it hurts my heart to see a person like you crying and in pain. Truly hope everything works out for you on your future move and your relationship will be strong and lasting. Good luck I’m rooting for you

[@CaptJackAubreyOfTheRoyalNavy]

I'm just some random commenter who stumbled upon this video and channel so take this however you will. Moving in with the online boyfriend will not end well unless he's an absolute saint, and the odds that he is are very slim. And even if he is a saint, does he deserve to receive you and everything that comes with you? Not saying you're un-dateable by any means, far from it, but taking someone in from out of state is a big commitment.

[@etaontime7375]

New Sub .. Such a shame that someone hasn’t found you and helped you grow into the beautiful flower you would become.. ❌

[@jessieessex]

If you don’t go with your parents, you should look for your own place where you are at right now. Take some time to get to know how you are on your own, to love yourself. Thats the best advice I would give myself or my daughter if I had one.

[@Eddargos]

Change is not a "problem" per se, you just perceive it as such because you're stuck within your habits and afraid of the unfamiliar. There is nothing to be afraid of, a change in life is like a present from the universe. Be excited for what's inside.

[@PauliehehhehWalnuts]

For the love of god DO NOT move to California. It's an expensive craphole.

[@trump-totalwar6509]

my wife wants to move there. we live in arizona.

[@pmonk1177]

@@trump-totalwar6509 I live in CA, it's too expensive and it sucks here now.

[@User-skdbfksjf]

Sounds like they are trapping her in social basis. Anyone, not just her family. I'd keep an eye.

[@kingcarcas1349]

expensive yes lol craphole, it's one of the nicest states in the union

[@damonhtoo]

You can tell how much it sucks by how much money we have and our population being larger than all other states. So terrible. /s Unfortunately for people like you, she's actually been here and knows your comment is a lie. Expensive? Yes. Craphole? Absolutely not.

[@Gabriel83580]

Boyfriend...well that's a major change. That's good, really good. I hope he's a good dude. Also I highly recommend you don't brake your relationship with your parents. Be independent and move forward but keeping a positive relationship with them is a huge part of mental stability in knowing you're family is there when you need them. Also, if you can make a big change in moving with a guy you have the ability and responsibility to tell your loved ones about your plans. I'm a Cali guy too and it's great out here. Just don't be to dependable on him,in order for it all to work in your favor, you must both work, have trust and be patient with each other and honest. Ps lol I also love FN I have 514 skins to date ahaha I completely understand 😂

[@dandymcgee]

Change is hard, but without it, you can never escape your current reality.

[@DanielRFox]

You can always change your mind and move back. My sister moved to a different state 700 miles away, which was devastating for her and my mom, but she and her family eventually moved back. I also moved away, but I still do not consider the move permanent.

[@toddcribbs6844]

Seriously so sad I'm so sorry may God bless you young lady

[@briankilgore8808]

You feel like you’re not pretty, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Confidence comes from liking yourself. You seem like a nice person. So many assholes like themselves. It’s a shame that more regular people don’t.

[@SmokeNGunsBBQ]

She's not going to date you 😂

[@briankilgore8808]

@@SmokeNGunsBBQ no shit, Sherlock, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be supportive, now does it? Or do you think that’s the only reason to be nice to people, to date them? Gtfoh

[@Özge_03]

%100 AGREE WITH THAT

[@SmokeNGunsBBQ]

@@briankilgore8808 aww someones feefees hurt?

[@briankilgore8808]

@@SmokeNGunsBBQ maybe they are. Maybe you’ve succeeded with your pathetic attempts to hurt my feelings. What of it? If all you want to do is trade insults, I’m not interested. Peace be with you, friend.

[@bchant19]

You are very brave I hope things improve I know how you feel. It's tough nobody should have to live like this.

[@luciipharaoh]

You need a verbal outlet. Therapy is what gives you that outlet. Those people are paid to listen and then you are given professional suggestions/advice/outlooks. Again, you are expecting too much and have a high bar. Bring the bar low and then start in small increments. They say Rome wasnt built in a day so keep building the life you need and want. Also avoid addicting habits, you can identify a habit when it consumes most of your time in the day. Its easy for us to say "you can do it!" Or "dont give up!" But the only thing really holding you back is yourself. If you really need to speak about yourself but also do it privately, speak to a therapist. Then when you find a dear friend whom you can speak to without holding back, then you can be that outlet for them. The world is scary and its better to live in it with someone that understands you than live it on your own. It certainly would be nice to have all the answers and stats that promote us into better livelihoods. But life isnt better because you have everything or have what everyone wants. Your life will keep getting better as long as you fight for it. If i restarted my life with none of my current memories, i woud look forward to making memories and making relationships again. Be all the things you wish yourself to be. Make something of yourself and keep fighting. You are more than what you think you are. I hope you can keep fighting and one day you look back, smile, and tell yourself all those things holding you back was just yourself. In the end we all want to leave something behind for next generation or future generations. Best of luck today and future days!

[@calendarclassmate]

I feel your hurt. It's hard to live with traumas and negative emotions every day. Sometimes we do need help from professionals to get us back on track.

[@jbozz5977]

You actually don't know how many other people you're helping by being honest, because me and many others i'm sure are going through things like this with the same perspective, I don't feel alone knowing there's someone that exists that is just as confused as I am. Thank you so much for not giving yourself away to be like everybody else. Much love ❤ cling to that hope and your breakthrough will come.

[@jbozz5977]

Btw don't feel bad for feeling the things that you're feeling, Energy is low in this generation and depending on where you live, the food is meant to make you feel weak, anxious and indecisive, take care of your body and it will take care of you, even if you're not motivated to, you'll be thanking yourself.

[@ShabbaRankss]

Sometimes cutting people off-even family members-is the best course of action. That’s the truth. You’ll probably grieve a bit. But try to stay positive about the new, incoming chapter of your life. I know change is intimidating, but remember that life changes are inevitable.

[@Rene67]

My dear, something tells me your channel will grow more and more succesfull. Your pureness and honesty is just what the world needs. There is so much fake in the world and on the internet, we need you, what do you say?

[@tacobellalugosi2527]

Don’t move in with ur BF go stay with ur sister . Online BF isn’t the answer u really don’t know this guy yet. U need more time getting to know each other . I don’t know if ur close with ur sister if u are then that’s great. You still have family who want to help u and love you I know change is scary but it a big part of this thing we call life . I’m wishing u happiness and love 😊

[@creationdentistry]

I wouldn't do what your planning to do. Seems like nothing good will come of it and all thats left will be major life changing regret. Stay the way you are, sweet and pure.

[@ronaldyeater3322]

People in your life should empower you! Hate seeing you cry, love yourself 🙏🏼♥️, we all have things can share with another.

[@PropheticBrent]

I agree with a commentor from 7 hours ago before mine. I would avoid CA. I live here and its horrible. In SO many ways. Not just financially.

[@haroldj.6295]

You are loved❤

[@Doberman_6773]

Since she is a woman, this goes without saying.

[@AlfredC-p4g]

Taking a leap of faith is better than staying stuck where your at and a life line of advice is meditate. I know it seems too easy but it's really a self discovery and beautiful journey I send you God's love , courage and protection ❣️

[@iexist7408]

@@AlfredC-p4g thank you!!

[@AlfredC-p4g]

Well I know you have a warrior in there that can handle anything I see it coming out steadily wait till you have a breakthrough but if you have trials see and speak something positive about it if you might not completely believe it but when you do you feel the strength come to you I can already see you doing it

[@Hara2.]

I feel so bad for you. I just want to give you a big hug

[@OCDisforme]

I totally get what you’re going through. I have crippling depression and anxiety, and I have never been on anything past a first date. I too am a virgin. I had a stroke in 2019, where I was disabled. I have to keep up hope to keep going. Could I ask to send me a message. ❤ You’re beautiful, I hope that doesn’t scare you. You might have a learning disability involving how you process heard language…

[@buzzin010]

It’s normal to be sad Allow yourself that, change is always difficult, you look a lot brighter, treat yourself and allow yourself to be happy 😊

[@chrisdelong2932]

move in with a complete stranger? Yeah, that’s a great idea!

[@Rahul-ml2xb]

You don't know, but you are giving me courage rn❤ I'm also going through some stuff

[@jechusus]

Big changes like moving and getting a new job are always scary, it’s totally normal to feel the anxiety you’re feeling. The mind will play tricks with you to “protect” you from the unknown. You just gotta believe in yourself and push yourself to do so. Being on your own without someone controlling you and you focusing on what you really want it’s the best thing you’d do. If you trust completely in your BF and you guys have talked and planned things ahead then go for it. There’s no right or wrong choice here, just do what you want. We all make mistakes, but the thing about mistakes is that we learn from them and it makes us a better person. Wish you the best of luck.

[@ASPIRINGxCHAMPION]

Greetings, "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards."

[@Iwishtheirwasnopain]

My heart goes to you, I live in California, I've had an entire lifetime of family nightmares..I wouldn't even know where to begin. I'm in San diego I love it here, wherever you are i hope you like it, it's a gorgeous state

[@Theramblingzulu]

SENDING YOU LOVE FROM SOUTH AFRICA, YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON AND ONE DAY YOU WILL LEARN TO BE KINDER TO YOURSELF I PROMISE!

[@edwardcumpstey9061]

Moving, let alone living in California, is a death sentence.

[@Horvat04]

You are raised the way u are. Thats for sure. Free yourself its ok to fall down too but always be smart in decisions and honest

[@AA2639-m9v]

It sounds like your anxiety and depression is controlling you and crippling your life. I went through a period in my life when I was ill, it affected my mental health and what you're saying is very similar to how I felt and how everything was perceived as a problem because I didn't want to deal with it. Being hungry, depressed and having no appetite is a viscous cycle, if you don't eat you'll continue being sad with no appetite, you need to force your self to eat. What I found helped was healthy eating and the gym. The endorphins from exercise will do wonders for you and it will give you an appetite. I would also go see a Dr and see about medication, even if the medication is for just 6 months, it will help build your confidence and mental strength back up in order for you to move forward. With the problem of anxiety when ever you go out, I found if you go to the same place, same time every week it becomes a routine and you'll stop thinking and just do it on autopilot and it will eventually become a safe space - the gym is a good place to do this with. Once you control your mental illnesses your problems will feel so much easier to deal with.

[@michaelesgro9506]

Your analysis seems spot on. This is some of the best, direct to the point, pragmatic, empathetic, no-nonsense advice I've ever seen in a comment...out of many thousands for various mental afflictions. I hope she takes it and "I entreat her to do so.

[@Nawskcalbehtmai]

You are not a loser. You are not alone.

[@davidfrierson7284]

First I wanna say is thank you so much for sharing your pain I just wanna say it God loves you more than you know and if you ever wanna talk, let me know. I wish I can comfort you and hug you, but everything will be OK. do not let anxiety run your life you have to fight. I will be praying for you. May God watch over you protect you and your family.

[@AlfredC-p4g]

I know it is hard and scary but it is actually a good thing to find yourself and be free. You have within you the strength, wisdom, and courage to find happiness cuz it's not with your parents always know God protects you and gives you discernment when you ask for it.

[@madmusicianmagician]

Keep on keeping on don't give up, you have an entire community of folks that care about your well being. My depression is through the roof, I take psychedelics for it so depression gets buried beneath the hallucinogens and delirium plants I find that I'm in the same situation your in I don't want to move back to the hood and its looking like the ghetto is sucking me back in I'm getting the heck out of hotel hellifornia and moving to anywhere I may roam as a sovereign citizen of Nutopia feel free to join John Lennon's Nutopia where your own self is the zip code city county state and country where you have all the rights to be free as where you choose to be. Honestly I live near LA and there is so many missing adults the posters are all over where even older folks get abducted it's a dangerous world out there, be safe and carry pepper spray and kick someone in the groin if ya ever get into trouble. Always call 911 if ya feel something is sketch.

[@facellina]

You are such an old soul I am 52 and I look and feel like you now. I can’t believe you are 26. Like you have lived all those years which I wasted.

[@unplugged2432]

Before you leave make sure you forgive your mother. Dont respond or get mad back (she will get mad and deny wrong doing). Just say your piece that you are sorry for resenting her and that you uhderstand that she couldnt help her behaviors. Then forgive your dad for not protecting you from your mother (he will understand and hopefully you can talk it out). If anything you shoudl tell your dad more about the potential move rather than your mother

[@mexicanosan1465]

COME ON BABY, SHAKE IT OFF, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOUR HAIR IS AMAZING!!

[@dissolve3925]

I know you're scared. And hurt but you WILL be okay... trust me I have been through major changes like this and overtime you adjust and adapt to the conditions you're put in. Remember where there is fear There is opportunity. Take this fear and use it as fuel. To hold your head up high and have the courage to overcome anything life throws at you.

[@mr.nonsense2900]

I got mentally and emotionally abused my whole life.

[@saintlucia1596]

Me too

[@Doberman_6773]

Since you are using 'mr.' in your username, I assume you are a man. This directly translates into 'nobody cares'.

[@grownmellowmature]

Thank you for your video, you are very brave and strong to share all these thoughts!

[@gratefulhealing]

'Cruel' and 'hateful' are often those that have you dearly loved! Wmn have an ability to get hurt of the truth! Me too sometimes because we are so privileged. We prefer just not considering that 'negativity'. Sure it might be overprotecting and annoying but realize others are wishing you well. If not, you'll be self-sabotaging any and all relationships, not deemed *my* way. Yea I was similarly self-righteous when I was younger. I guess I grew up and have a better relationship w mom. Despite us having quite stark difference in worldviews.

[@davidhenningson4782]

Have learning experiences, not bad experiences. To err is human. Don't ever be afraid to make mistakes. Goto California, have a good adventure! If it works out great!... if not... you'll have made some memories. You need to take a break from your controlling mother. I had a controlling father, tried many times to have a productive relationship with him... but you can't change who someone is. In the end, he was too 'toxic' (my wife doesn't even want him around our teenage kids at all), and I've resigned myself to just sending Christmas and birthday email greetings... and that's all. I haven't seen or spoken to him for 10 years now. Sometimes, that's for the best. I hope you can have a better relationship with your mother... but you probably need a break from her for awhile first. My wife takes anxiety medication, and it makes a world of difference for her. Might help you as well. Take care, good luck with whatever you do.

[@paololupo1175]

You are SO cute! If you come to Italy it would be nice to meet you 😊

[@Kevin_40]

you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. in fact, your life is way better than a lot of people. so many people have it worse than you, and way way worse. cheer up, you are alive and a human and normal. work on yourself a little bit to make yourself happier thats all. do what makes you happy in life.

[@giggywig42]

Please do not neglect your body because you are depressed. I know its hard. Eat healthy and exercise. All change is scary, but try to see the oportunities ❤ Try to have faith in yourself.

[@iexist7408]

@@giggywig42 thank you 🙏

[@slimdusty6328]

I have family who are neurodivergent. Lovely people too. One thing they'll struggle with though, is their fear and anxiety related to any sorts of changes in life what will create the kind of situations what will be bound to naturally "feel unfamiliar". There is good info and support available for people who seek to find it too. It has turned out to be absolutely life changing ,for health and well being of my own family Love and best wishes 💖

[@doublegarts]

I can tell you this. When I moved to Italy idk how but my anxiety was completely gone. Like from 90% to 0%. It felt like a miracle. Italy has a good vibe and energy. People the same.

[@pbmc_]

California is the last place I would move to😮😢

[@trump-totalwar6509]

my wife wants to move there. we live in arizona.

[@Respect2theFallen]

I second that there's an exodus from California. I lived there 20+ yrs now live in the Midwest. Alot of my family moved to AZ and TX. Many people say unless you're in real estate, entertainment, or something where you can afford it it's not bearable living. Many people have to have several roommates in a crap apartment to survive. KZbin the video the exodus from California

[@iexist7408]

@@pbmc_ But would you visit?

[@pbmc_]

​@iexist7408 No, I have no desire to ever go and even visit.

[@iexist7408]

@@pbmc_ why is that?

[@Bob-kp3tv]

Changes are frightening, but it's still better than regret! California looks like a cool place, and if it doesn't pan out for you, you can still join your family later.

[@billpimentel-vm6cu]

This person who commented before me just gave you the best advice. If you California boyfriend wants to be serious with you he will show patience. Give this relationship time to grow a little while longer, if he’s still waiting for you , then that could be a good sign.

[@icefire5799]

All i have to say is dont move to ca. Not even because of the guy but because it is very hard living there.

[@tmstani23]

I wouldn't move so far from family. Especially with a bf. You will be dependent on each other and you will be far from family support. Cali is a hell hole. Focus on what you can control. Face your fears. Tell your mom. You won't worry so much if you just take action. Let everything else go.

[@leojamesiii7938]

OUTLOOK IS EVERYTHING! Peace, Love, & Understanding.

[@RoyalRaj-ou7zm]

Hello my dear friend, I'm in the same situation as you, except for I'm a male. I'm a 28 year old male who recently moved to Canada. I've only been in 1 long distance relationship and the very thought of being a virgin kills me often. I just started a new position in a new city and I'm glad I'm not dependent on my parents. If you're a loner, it is really hard to make friends because you're already complacent. Don't worry, it takes time to find the right person. Even I feel like I'm lost sometimes but the thought of spending my life with a complete stranger or someone I don't love is probably daunting to me. It's better to wait for the right person.

[@mweader]

Sometimes life isn't very much fun. Sometimes it can seem like things won't ever change. But keep holding onto hope. I remember during really hard times that I would often think to myself, that this is just a chapter, it will not be this way forever. And, in time, things did change and healing occurred. You are very intelligent and introspective. You are also able to be fairly objective about things. And guess what, it's ok to be human. Its ok to grow. Thats what we're all here for. Be gentle with yourself, and just protect your heart as you venture forward. Sometimes, we compare our lives to other people. Sometimes the world doesn't give us much in return. But, someday you will look back and think to yourself, I remember when I felt like that way back when. And it might just be that one day in the future you will be thinking, relecting on those memories and how they seem soooo long ago, because it was a chapter from yesteryear, from your past. Then you'll know that you are healing. For me, years ago, I was lost for some time. And at one point, during a time that wasn't the best, I felt like God tapped me on the shoulder and asked me, "you got this?". And I was like, "do I look like I've got it?". Because I didn't (fyi). So, I asked Him if He would help me. I asked Him if He would help my heart heal. When everything else was gone, God was right there. I believe that He is always there, even if we don't see Him, or are even cognizant of Him. This I know to be true, that He loves you. He loved you before you ever got here, and you can't stop Him from continually knocking on your heart. My guess is that those tears are an invitation to seek Him out. He has a purpose for you. He will instill purpose within you when you thought it was impossible. You may feel aimless at times, but maybe these experiences are there because you will connect with people, and help them too. Have you ever asked Him to help? Have you ever asked Him to show you the way? All I know is that it completely changed my life, my outlook, and everything. Because once He's in your heart, you will always have a friend, a mentor, and a Heavenly Father that will always be there for you. If you're looking for truth, that's it. It's the only thing that matters. God bless you. My prayer is that God would simply make Himself known to you. Anyways, I just thought that I would offer what I know has made every difference in my life. Blessings on you. 🌞

[@mikrobi1981]

I like your dairy. I wish I dared to do it like you. Sometimes I feel like I am afraid of my thoughts, and speaking it out could help. But I am such a chicken heart. So, thank you for your videos.

[@Özge_03]

Feeling depressed and craying ..these feelings might be heavy for someone and for you,as well but these are never Weakness..On the contrary these are a big confrontation with ur all truth and this is the most high level that makes you to be the strongest person on earth ♡ u just need to change abit ur perspective about the way y think about yrself.

[@Iceican]

Sometimes it's good to only handle one problem at a time if I worry about everything all at once it gets too overwhelming.

[@jeffb.140]

Not sure if the 'immediately moving to bf' (who you barely know) idea is good, but clearly you need to get away from your narc mom

[@Willow115.34]

That's what I was thinking. Her instincts are kicking in. This man might be a great guy but it's apprehension for such a change.

[@user-ue4fh5mv9s]

Why do you care cuz it's her life

[@neilbrucker5985]

PLEASE do not go to California you need to find out who you are for yourself sweetheart. You are a smart, beautiful, caring, young woman. You need to find validation for yourself or you will never except ot from others. You should most definitely be getting help from a professional as things will continue to get worse and worse. I really feel your pain and its hard to see you hurting so much. We all love you and want you to be happy and healthy.

[@kingcarcas1349]

Getting away from them is the best move rn

[@Bob-g3b9w]

I don't know what your name is young lady but what I do know is that you are beautiful and you are smart you are sweet you are sensitive and honest. YOU ARE REAL, be proud of yourself. Anyone would be lucky to know you. We are living in a very uncertain world in which so many people are depressed and don't know what the future holds. But you need to know that you are not alone and I have a question for you because I don't know if you are an only child but I will tell you that if you are an only child it can be a very lonely life and I could be wrong but I wonder if your mother has been controlling and even narcissistic throughout your life. I'm not saying she is but if she is that would explain what you've been through and as far as not wanting to tell perfect strangers about things that are uncomfortable for you, you need to have somebody you can talk to and there are more than a few of us that have grown up in abusive neglectful childhoods and it does leave a scar on people. What are the things you have to be careful about is if you're going to get involved with someone you need to know who you're getting involved with because you might be getting involved with someone that's very immature or very selfish and you don't want to find that out too late after the damage has been done so I think you need to talk with a counselor and I thank you are struggling with your own independence and your own fear of the adult world because if you are 26 years old it was only 8 years ago that you were graduating high school. I think you need to talk with a counselor because you are trying to find your own independence but if you are getting whisked away to Italy you're still probably not going to feel independent especially when you're living in a new country where you don't even know people and I don't know where you live currently but I will tell you that California is the worst place on Earth to live other than New York City and a few other places. You need to know that you are not alone and that there are so many people out there of all ages the feel the way you do and some of us are not really into small talk so it makes it hard for us to communicate with other people because we want to talk about meaningful things but you want to talk about meaningful things with someone meaningful. If you see this post feel free to respond. Bob

[@sharpiesarecool814]

It’s a new adventure, we all have good times and bad. But nothing is permanent

[@gg_sam7847]

You have plenty of years for connections between your family to be re-established and and remade, you've reached a point where you can finally live your own life, focus on yourself and mending anything that's broken can happen later. Hell it'll probably be easier once you've become who you're about to be and know what you want and how to assert that better

[@gg_sam7847]

But yeah, definitely have a back up plan in case it doesn't turn out the way you hope

[@AnonymAnonym-rk8od]

Being with the family for 26 years and then making a big decision that came about as a result of an argument is very difficult. It will take years for such emotional pain to go away, simply because you didn't currently know anything else like living alone or without your large family circle. Humans are group creatures. Some can do without others and some cannot. Hard times come and go as you feel. No matter how bad you feel, I ask that you not neglect yourself. Eat regularly and pay attention to your fitness and always take health supplements. And when you're ready, talk about your feelings and what your innermost needs are in plain language over voice messages because I think that after all these years you love your family more than you thought.

[@damo7800]

Ive worn your shoes so i can identify with how you are feeling in life. The best thing that i ever did which took so much courage was to get a physiologist. it was the very thing that took all my pain in life away i was able to deal with my past and Secrets that i thought I could never tell anyone about. Dealing with your past is the key to unlocking your future. The things i was taught by my psychologist was to write down your past in detail like a time line in my case it was from the youngest i could remember to my current age it was amazing to see a trend through my life it made it easier to deal with the issues that held me back for so long. Now I’m free and feel in control of my life i no longer feel like a looser or a nobody it just take courage to step out side your comfort zone and ask for help you will be amazed once you start getting the right help… Keep your chin up.

[@GoodTimeGuy-k5i]

I think you are on the right trac. There are many good comments. I suggest prayerful thought. You are an adult, you did research on the guy in CA. with good response on him. You like him after you met him. List options, your reflections sounds like you have done some of that. So Far, you are doing very well. Keep sis in the loop, get her view on things. Through a multitude of counselors, there is safety. Stay positive if you can.Tell your parents you love them. Crying is ok, and a normal emotion in this BIG transition in your life. God Bless

[@JC-ox8yl]

Hope youre okay. Youll pull through this change, compared to what youve endured the past countless years same as I this next part of your life will feel theraputic. Believe me.

[@LukeTheDrifter10]

Stay with your parents, it’s a cold cold world out there hun please don’t make this mistake

[@BoilerBall3094]

you got this....take it head on

[@anakin-y5j]

I hope he loves you right ❤

[@rosskyle8985]

Awe, im so sorry you feel that way. I know its easy to say but you are so amazing and talking about it like this will really help you grow and others. You are kind and i think your beautiful like wtf. What helps me is helping someone els do something. Help them move or help them clean or something. Im praying for you. 😢

[@normp3273]

While I share the same sentiment as most of the commenters here about moving in with someone, you barely know. I also believe in taking chances and let love have the last word. But just know there might be consequences should you take that chance.

[@wilsonharvey83]

❤ I. Am here I think you're beautiful and a great person

[@craigdesarno]

hang in there kido! things will work out! i spent my hole life in my house in new jersey.....sold it last year, now i live in delaware!!!..i love it here! give it a chance and don't be sad!!!..ok?

[@chan_martin]

I had a good friend go live with an online boyfriend and they were begging to leave within a month. Unless you really trust this guy, I would advise you to find a family member besides your parents or a decent friend to live with. It’s not ideal, but it doesn’t have to be an end all be all scenario. Everything you do is a step towards where you want to be down the road.

[@ohiobwb]

I hope you find the rest for your heart you are so desperately trying to find. i live in Cali the weather is great but it is expensive and the traffic is less than ideal!!

[@EllaPurok]

Move to Italy with your parents. Life in Europe is so much of an eye opener. You’ve said you believe in marriage, so please do not move in with any partner until you are married. I made that mistake a few too many times. It is not worth it. You are better off living alone or with your family. Don’t let a boyfriend move into your house either. Don’t seek out a boyfriend just to make you feel wanted and loved, first learn to love yourself and make yourself happy. No one on earth can make us happy, we need to make ourselves be happy.

[@VintageCR]

just want to say, you are beautiful. sharing whatever is bothering you takes gut and spine. whether or not you feel relieved after spitting it out, you addressed it, recognize that its there, its part of you and that maybe you need some help dealing with it. PS: change is an opportunity. opportunities are rare so by all means, take it with both hands. if you fail, you at least tried. if you succeed, you tried and perhaps you changed something for the better. if its worse, you can always go back the way it used to be. ''change'' in general isn't judging you, its trying to test you, if you make a mistake its fine.. its just a test. if im honest, change reminds me of life itself, always trying to throw the curve ball.

[@MrGreglarry]

Stay strong. Things will work out.

[@robb1865]

Go be with your BF and see if you all can start a family if you really like him. You need a sense of purpose and meaning to get out of the depression and having a family will give you that. Try now or life can quickly pass you by. You can always go back to your folks if it doesn't work out with your BF.

[@eeledahc]

Living your own life is hard when you feel grounded and there are large changes. You have to keep on going though when people move off. It's hard but gets better. The trap is moving too fast with new people, so take things slow and if the other people don't or won't understand that then they may try to change you. Take your time. They are new to your life right? Well, it might take a while but other people can be too.

[@ClaytonGriffiths-zb6fo]

Hey there,ive just been flicking through your videos well done with uploading honest & real raw feelings & sharing your story its a very brave thing to do a rare to see. Life definitely is tuff & complicated but you are a smart ,kind person (from your vids)& you do think things through which shows you are smart & intelligent . Always try to keep your family together if possible all families have there moments but if you all care about one another its good to work through things & stay together. Please B careful with different people you meet on line,never plan to take off to some destination by yourself to meet someone you have never seen or meet ,im aware you are smart it just isnt safe to do so unfortunately. In my opinion Keep posting life will workout

[@joesackbaron]

Cooking: cook a load of pasta(boil for 10 mins)or potatoes/sweet potatoes(boil for 20 mins), it's that easy, and put it in the fridge. it's good for 3 to 4 days. Get a load of bags of frozen veg, just pour them in a bowl and heat for 3 mins in a microwave for each meal. Live off meals of tinned sardines, with pasta/potatoes/sweet pototoes and mixed veg until you can learn to grill chicken, burgers, pork and other fish to vary it up a bit from the sardines. As soon as you realise how easy this is, add a couple of tablespoons of tinned kidney beans and tinned chickpeas to each meal (they're pre cooked), a dash of olive oil, and a sprinkling of seeds of your choice. When you feel like a snack, have an apple, satsuma, banana, or a handfull of nuts. You'll probably be eating far healtheir and far cheaper than you ever have your entire life with barely any cooking required at all. And if you eat like this, never feel guilty if you treat yourself to junk food now and again. It's fine. You're even sorted if you want to hit the gym/home gym. And that's a recipe for life. Nobody needs to be a 4 star Michellin Chef to cook or eat healthily. P.S. How do you eat an Elephant? Small chunks. 1000 steps starts at 1. Don't jump to CA if you're afraid of cooking or leaving your bedroom.

[@edmundnewwave-synchronizer2802]

*hugs* I'm sorry you are hurting inside. It's never easy letting go of attachments, whether it is people or things. The idea is learning to get out of your own comfort zone. I hope in time , you will look back and grow from this. Please take care of your own health and self. Of course you deserve to love and be loved but starting with loving yourself is the most important thing. Again, if you just need someone to talk to, reach out. I'm curious about one thing though. Won't your parents watch your video on here? I mean, I hope they don't but isn't there a chance they will? I agree with many though. Please weigh your decision carefully. I feel you must not know this boyfriend of yours from California and to move in with him without any support system is potentially dangerous. Please don't make any decisions you will regret down the road. Seen too many cases but at the same time I shouldn't feel negative about it.

[@ajnicasio7987]

Im very sorry I hope everything gets better

[@ryox82]

Don't ever move anywhere for anybody. It makes the sting that much worse when things break down.

[@jameschapman0809]

Don't ever give up fam fo boy!,,,!fam will be there!,boy lost!

[@MrColdwatercanyon]

Be brave go to Calif check it out maybe it’s time to start your own family you can always visit Italy once the folks get settled it will be great . Having a job for 9 years is excellent I’m sure you’ll find work easily and start your own life .

[@MrColdwatercanyon]

Set yourself up an Indeed account it’s an employment site create a resume on the site download this way if a job comes up on Indeed you can easily apply. Having this done will make you feel better about the future and possible changes because you will be prepared

[@seventysue8090]

Sometimes when you find yourself never having any good days you might be the problem.