in love with my best friend's girl 💔 r/AITA

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In today's episode of fishing for drama on the r/AITA subreddit we explore matching split dyes with dads, and falling in love with your best friend's girl ooh la la x
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Be kind and have a great day (:

[@torigroves1048]

Shaaba I love these videos but can you please add chapters! I get distracted very easily so it would be really helpful to be able to go back to the beginning of a story ❤️

[@faenene]

I agree, that would be very nice :) I think KZbin does it automatically sometimes as well? But I’ve never seen it on shaaba’s vids

[@TheVoiceinTheDarkness]

Same here. My ADHD finds these so useful and I feel im not the only neurospicy person here

[@whamloverfr]

i second this! if not i might start commenting them and just hope it gets to people lol

[@TheWasserkocher]

Yes! If often listen to these videos while falling asleep. This would help me so much with finding the beginning of the post again the next morning

[@jennivamp5]

Yes this! And for the podcast episodes to please! Help an adhd girlie out ❤

[@alisonpenn1124]

You might wan to read the update on the 2nd story. Luke apparently went to Luna's work, confessed to loving her, told her OP was cheating and then tried to assault Luna to the point she had to punch him to get him to stop. Maybe OP was underselling what an ass Luke is around women.

[@NicholasBart]

For the 2nd story, there is an update. Luke approached Luna while she was on break at work, lied to her about OP cheating, and tried to kiss her. She ended up punching him. So it looks like the NTA comments were right about that one.

[@arthur622]

WHAT

[@roselover411]

Ultimately to me the allocation of graduation tickets is not mom's prerogative. It's the graduate themselves that should be choosing who they should invite because it's THEIR graduation. Who they want there trumps what mom wants to do.

[@aroaceejtna8852]

That's what I thought as well. The child should be able to choose who they want there.

[@alex_blue5802]

Certainly it is a big milestone for the child, but it is also a big milestone for the parents. They have supported their child through their education for many years, and now their child is becoming an adult. They will likely either work or go off to school independently after this. I think the parents (and possibly other relatives who were heavily involved) have a right to be there. Secondly, with such a big family and a complex history, there is going to be some tension over the limited number of tickets. Giving that responsibility to a teenager may not be a kindness, especially if their dad is going to pressure them about it. I think asking for their input while ultimately taking on the difficult choices is a good approach from the mom here.

[@SquirrelNutkins]

THIS!!!!!!!!

[@Zapporah85]

Fully agree. The parents aren't the ones who get to choose.

[@saraquill]

I still remember how violated I felt when my mom claimed both of my graduation tickets for herself and her racist git of a spouse. There was no guarantee I could get additional tickets, so this was her equivalent of saying my paternal family doesn't matter.

[@TiffanyAllen1784]

I agree with the advice not to let him fill out the paperwork. I’ve heard too many stories of dads deciding on different names or spellings when left to the task. If he already had motivation for that sort of thing, I’d simply fill it out together so he isn’t even presented with the temptation.

[@laulau194]

My grandfather did this twice, with both his kids. Agreed on a name with my grandma, went to register the birth and came back and announced he'd named them something completely different!

[@TiffanyAllen1784]

@@laulau194 Yeah, I know someone whose name is a variation on what her parents had agreed upon because her dad decided he liked it better.

[@princesskatarina351]

Agree. Better to be sure he doesn't break your trust, than to have it broken create more drama due to the aftereffects. Like making an agreement with your fiancé to not do the cake smushing thing, and the husband does it anyway. 😤

[@hellaSwankkyToo]

yup.

[@viarapan]

My great grandfather chose the name of my uncle against what my grandmother wanted... After the birth, he just decided what he would like for his grandson, registered and then announced it to the parents. My grandmother was so mad, she didn't say the name of her child for like half an year... I also met someone who had his name changed when he was a week old, because the grandfather was so mad that the parents didn't follow "the family tradition name of the firstborn son" so he cut contact with them until they changed it to the family tradition name. Suprise, surprise, the man actually liked more his parents choice for a name and changed it when he got old enough...

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

23:41 - Accusing the kid of being disrespectful? But, man, the kid *TOLD* YOU they didn't want father-child matching hair and then you went ahead and tried to do it anyhow-that is the LITERAL _DEFINITION_ of disrespecting them and their wishes. Please, sit down.

[@gracelovely3838]

OP was 16 and was on AITA because his dad was leaving him alone for a couple of hours. This makes me think that they generally have a very good relationship. I do think this dad might not have been thinking about how his son is growing up and is now off thinking "How could I be so stupid, he's not my little boy anymore" and when they're teens, the best thing is sometimes to leave him alone because he doesn't know what to do. Of course the answer is to just listen, but some parents struggle with that even if they aren't bad parents.

[@breeeeeaaathofthewild]

I was coming down here to comment this exactly. the dad KNEW BEFORE doing his hair that his son DIDN'T want to match, he told him that clearly, so don't get mad when your son isn't happy after you've done it anyway. plus his son didn't yell or get angry or try to make his dad change his hair and claim that hairstyle for himself only, he just changed his own. which was a mature way to exercise his autonomy without taking away from his dad's, and to fix the situation without conflict. his dad got upset at that? what did he expect when his son asked him not to do it- some parents throw around the word "disrespect" just whenever things don't go their way or kids don't do what THEY want

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

@@breeeeeaaathofthewild Yeah - completely agree

[@mikaylaeager7942]

A High School graduation takes place when a child is 18 (give or take) so they are entirely capable of handing all ten tickets over the the kid (basically an adult) and let them divvy them out according to who they most want to be there.

[@Fairysnuff91]

Yeah, why not do that? It’s weird that the mum is just deciding.

[@courteneyellouise8091]

Regarding the gf story: I think Shaaba came at it from a very mature standing but I don't think that reflective reaction can be expected by most people at least not quickly, it's quite emotional and I understand why OP got upset in the first instance I'd say he very much needs to tell Luna what was said and they as a couple can decide how to proceed forward but I don't think OP was the drama exactly. I think Luke handled an awkward situation well but I'm not sure I would tell my friend about my feelings because I don't see the goal in sharing that, I personally feel it would be a solo journey you'd have to take to get over Luna rather than a group one.

[@kellyl13]

Especially for 22 year-olds; most people aren't fully mature until they're 25 (which means IMO, OP is too young to get married, and his reaction just confirms that for me).

[@mjrasco]

I think the best friend of 15 years was likely asked or assumed he would be best man. For Western weddings, the best man often spends a lot of time with the bride. It's possible that Luke was trying to be honest before it became a different kind of problem.

[@emilymoran9152]

Yeah, I wish more people felt like they could have honest conversations about stuff like this! They clearly don't, and if I was in the position of having a crush on a friend's partner I would probably try to suffer in silence. But, as one of the respondents pointed out, if people could avoid the immediate jealousy/assumption that "friend is trying to steal my girl", honesty could avoid the need for further lying/potential hurt feelings around, say, not wanting to stand right next to them at the wedding, or avoiding certain kinds of group activities until the crush fades.

[@Mega6470]

Well, even if I don’t agree luke should’ve said nothing, I do agree that OP’s immediate reaction can’t really be blamed and tbh Luke could’ve found a better/more reassuring way of saying things. What COuld make OP TA is how he handles what comes next. An honest open conversation and probably a parting of the ways like adults, at least for now, seems in order.

[@sdfghjasdfghjk8175]

I appreciate the consideration that went into this response, but while I have compassion/understanding, I do blame OP for not reflecting on why he was so angry. I see the same signs of insecurity that Shaaba/comments mentioned. At least talk to him after a few days. But more importantly, I think Luke wouldn't have been wrong to say something, despite agreeing that his feelings are his to sort out. If something is affecting your capacity to sustain the friendship as it stands, then I think the other people in that friendship have the right to know. I don't think Luke is truly in love with Luna so much as the idea of her, and seeing what he perceives as a stable presence in his life. But he was losing perspective keeping this in his head and he wanted help to determine what is the best course of action for all 3 of them to move forward. Because I do feel that is a necessary conversation to have, to know if they can handle Luke's presence while he's processing this issue.

[@whysosquirrel101]

Regards the second story: "he's valid for those feelings but he shouldn't act on them": he is ACTING on them by telling his friend, though. Telling a separate friend to vent is fine, but telling one of the involved partners is clearly starting shit and trying to impact the relationship. Saying that "I'm stepping back specifically because of these feelings" might be acceptable, but being like 'hi yes I don't like your engagement because I like your girlfriend' is a socially terrible way to start a conversation, and while I don't agree with OP pulling up his friend's past, I completely agree that reacting badly was the right move. The friend is making his feelings into OP's problem, by dumping it on him with no actual intention. It's not okay.

[@r2Gt06]

Your comment helped me see we don't know what actual kind of past was thrown into Luke's face as OP lashed out. It may well be that Luke has a history of picking out OP's girlfriends, I have had this kind of thing going on with my friend: whoever I fancied ended up either with them or swooning over them. Not saying that this was the case with OP, but they never shared with us the nature of the "checkered past"

[@mandyb2245]

WHY do parents always accuse their children of "disrespecting them" if the child does something the parent doesn't like? I don't have children, but I would never do something like that. The dad is totally the drama (in the hair dyeing story)

[@yuliyab3629]

Often when someone claims disrespect what they actually mean is that their feelings are hurt but they don't have the emotional maturity to know the difference.

[@mandyb2245]

@@yuliyab3629 that's a very good point!

[@n3mo1123]

In the "Jessie's Girl" situation, I'm afraid I have to disagree with Shaaba. If Luke's feelings were real, I would agree. However, I've seen such situations happen before and I think the general wisdom of a psychological standpoint is that actually you do have control over who you love/are attracted to. Perhaps Luke had a crush on Luna way back when, but he has chosen to feed it by not moving on from her, by hanging around and letting these feelings fester. It's not a coincidence that his feelings suddenly ramped up at the announcing of the intended engagement. He's likely been letting himself fantasize this whole time that "there's a chance" and to be honest, some people just want what they can't have and the more certain it is that they can't have it, the more they want it. Luke is being really selfish... and not very self-aware. He might think his feelings are genuine, but I seriously doubt it. I don't blame OP for being angry, I think he should tell Luna as a warning, and he might want to consider ending his friendship with Luke since Luke is not likely to work to change how he feels and he may just dig his heels in and let it get worse.

[@nikyk7600]

For the second story: this is a perfect example of when honesty is not a good thing. If you have feelings for someone in a relationship, particularly it it is a good, strong, healthy relationship, you keep your mouth shut. It may be harsh and cruel, but it is not fair towards the person you have feelings for

[@thecolorjune]

Yeah, I wonder what his goal was? Those are the kinds of feelings you share with a third party to get support, not the friend directly UNLESS you have a reason. But I can’t see what OP could do to help his friends, and this just makes him uncomfortable.

[@blackk_rose_]

Eh, depends. He said his feelings grew even stronger over time and as the best friend, he'll surely be the best man at their wedding. In that case, it makes sense to tell OP that he has feelings for his fiancée so they can work out how to handle the whole thing. Watching the person you have feelings for get married to your best friend could very well make you very emotional and as the best man, you're in the spotlight too. We don't know if Luke was intending to talk further about stepping down as the best man or saying he wants some distance from Luna because OP blew up at him.

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

​@@blackk_rose_I hadn't considered the best man angle, and since OP blew up we don't have enough info to speculate. My initial thought was far less charitable than yours. I thought Luke sounded like he was waiting for OPs relationship to fizzle out so he could make a move but there's really nothing to support either scenario without more info.

[@princesskatarina351]

I was thinking, not exactly, but mostly this. The engagement is what lead to Luke's confession. And If he's OP's best friend, Luna is going to want to know why he's not the best man, instead of 'Curt' (the mythological not best friend). The idea of being the maid of honor, watching so closely as the girl I love marry someone else, having to make a speech about how special their love, for each other, is? Ouch! Just the thought of it gives me sympathy pains. I think OP, hopefully with less emotional anger, should talk to Luke. Hopefully they can make amends, keep the friendship, and Luke can be a groomsman, but not the Best Man. Once that conversation is had, then OP should talk to Luna. She does deserve to know. Not because I think Luke will make a move, but because Luke is part of her life, whether OP like it or not.

[@Casutama]

@@InThisEssayIWill... There is actually something to counter your theory - if he was waiting for the relationship to fizzle out to make a move, why bring it up with OP? The situation, like OP described it, sounds much more like "Hey man, there's something I need to tell you", and less like Luke has any ill intent

[@donnaa5891]

For the second story, I think "Luke" should have talked to a therapist or another friend or a family member... or anyone other than OP. What purpose does it serve to dump these feelings in his friend's lap? What is OP supposed to do with those feelings? How is he supposed to respond? I think "Luke" made a selfish choice that was almost guaranteed to create conflict in (or ruin) their friendship.

[@alex_blue5802]

He could at least get advice from a professional about how to handle it. Because I don't think this was the best way.

[@hellaSwankkyToo]

well said!

[@Link-dx1lx]

I agree with this, but still ultimately think OP is the drama for the reasons Shaaba outlined. Imo it's a YTD for OP with a tiny YTD for Luke. Or maybe an ESH that's heavily skewed towards OP.

[@hellaSwankkyToo]

@@Link-dx1lx absolutely not. our feelings are our own responsibility.

[@Link-dx1lx]

@@hellaSwankkyToo so do you think OP was warranted in their reaction? Because I didn't get the impression he was being very responsible with his feelings there

[@shhimreading906]

i don't really know how to express this because it's one of those things that is just an unwritten rule (for good reason imo). luke shouldn't have told OP he had feelings for his girlfriend. What did Luke expect OP to do with that information? I'm not saying he expected OP to give up the girlfriend or anything like that. I don't believe he did. But in this instance Luke is being selfish (I say that gently) and putting OP in an incredibly awkward position just so Luke can feel better because he got something off his chest. It's not appropriate to tell your friend you have feelings for their partner because like.... what is your friend even supposed to say to that? They are going to feel weird. There is no way around that in this society full of monogamous couples. If you need to get something off your chest you post anonymously online or you go to therapy or you talk to a different friend. You don't put your friend in a position like that. It's just not appropriate. I don't think OP should have yelled necessarily but Luke isn't blameless here. He cannot have expected OP to just be like "oh cool. whatever." He did it because he wanted to feel better by telling someone. It in no way benefits OP to know this (it actively will make him feel uncomfortable, that's just reality), it only benefits Luke. It's kind of like in the same vein as when I recognise I have a problem with someone, but it's not their fault they annoy me, that's just them being themselves, so I'm not a dick to them because of it. Some things don't need to be said to certain people.

[@nergregga]

Yeah, and I don't understan why some people say that it would be dishonest for luke not to tell OP and Luna. It would be dishonest if OP and Luna had relationship problems and Luke gave him bad advice on purpose to split them up.

[@shhimreading906]

@@nergregga i agree. i feel like calling him dishonest is wrong because dishonesty would really imply he’s hiding something they both should know/need to know. and they do not need to know this. this is luke’s issue to sort out with other friends or with a therapist. he can’t put something that big and heavy on them. it’s not dishonest to not tell people your personal problems. it would be dishonest if he found out someone else was going to try and get with Luna and then he didn’t tell OP or Luna.

[@blackk_rose_]

People on reddit truly always assume the worst in people, it's quite frustrating sometimes

[@siiiriously3226]

yeah, i agree. it is not very balanced, at times. but also: so often the worst is reality. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@beththedarkmage3359]

Feels a lot like humanity as a whole does this. People are so mean to me based on how I look, the way I dress, things like that, then when they actually talk to me, they realise I don't match any of these assumptions they had in their head and I'm actually quite nice. I'm an alternative person and very curvy, so there's lots of things that get stereotyped about me. Those ideas are rarely true about either characteristic. Now, I get how it might seem like I assume the worst of others in return. I don't. I really don't care how someone looks, all strangers are scary until I get to know them, because anyone is capable of horrible actions. It's typically the 'normal' looking ones who are the meanest in my experience, I still don't discriminate.

[@imdone9967]

I think it’s largely bc the very popular “twist” stories so they’re trying to predict a story like that

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

Sometimes it's warranted, but sometimes you see the comments and it's like REDDIT NO

[@stroodledoodles]

This may just be because I'm jaded and have read many a Reddit story, but I can understand the comments being wary about the friend in Story 2. There's unfortunately alot of people who are willing to completely wreck someone's relationship for the sake of themselves, so the possibility of the friend telling a false narrative about the OP to the girlfriend to make him look like the villain is entirely plausible to me.

[@thecolorjune]

My dad’s female friend tried to break up my parents a month before their wedding by confessing her love to my dad. He was just like “uh no thanks I love my wife-to-be” lol

[@Casutama]

Yes, but that's unlikely in this case, considering the friend didn't try to get with the girlfriend, but instead brought it up with his friend. That doesn't reek of "I'm gonna try my best to destroy your relationship" to me

[@deloresjames4620]

For the last story, why can't the child graduating decide? I'm assuming they're at least 18

[@alex_blue5802]

I agree that autonomy is important but it also confers a responsibility to understand how our choices impact others. OP came up with a cool hairstyle idea, and his dad has decided to copy it. He does not understand or care that OP is uncomfortable with this. He is the parent and he should be empathetic toward his son's feelings and act responsibly.

[@Astlay]

For the second story, ESH. Sure, the reaction was horrendous and all, but why did the friend decide to tell on himself? If you feel things that will hurt someone else and that nothing can be done about other than therapy, it's not the other person's problem! To me, it's similar to jealousy: something to be kept to yourself and dealt with by talking to a therapist or other friends. Everyone dealt badly with this situation.

[@Goldlucky13]

yeah. at some point, no matter how you feel about an unavailable or uninterested person, you have to act like an adult and get over it. remove yourself from the situation in some way or another until your feelings subside. this whole situation seemed like high school drama lol. especially because they are 21/22 and have been friends since they were little kids! their relationship/friendship dynamic reflects that.

[@naftherainbownerd]

Yes, exactly!

[@Rikrobat]

I agree with your point, though honesty in friendships is also important. If Luke started distancing himself from OP and Luna, then they’d likely ask “why? What’s wrong?” Is he supposed to keep lying? I don’t think so-dishonesty in relationships will breed resentment and distrust. I think part of the issue is the friend not following up the confession with “because of these feelings, I’m going to put some distance between me and you guys until I can figure myself out.” It’s possible OP didn’t give him that chance, but it’s still an important addition to include.

[@Astlay]

@Rikrobat I mean, I understand your point, but if it came to the decision of distancing himself, then he'd maybe have a reason to say something. And it is probably a contentiou personal view, but I don't think honesty is useful when it can only bring pain and resentment. Sure, it feels good getting something off your chest, but if the result is gonna be the same, why cause undue harm? Like I said, it seems like a situation where the best policy would have been to deal with things away from these friends, and either keep the truth from them, or end the relationship. There’s nothing to gain from honesty here, for anyone.

[@Rikrobat]

@@Astlay - I guess it just depends on whether he wants to salvage the relationship and the friendship itself. If it were me, I’d want my friend to be honest with me so we could go through the issue together. Dishonesty would leave me more insecure and unable to trust that person’s intentions compared to him being honest. But some relationships can’t handle this type of honesty, so you’re right that saying something would make things worse. Either way, though, if hiding the info means ending the friendship and never saying why, I struggle to see how that’s the best course of action. But that’s me.

[@elizabethmcglothlin5406]

1st story: Seems like there's about a dozen other men in the family who can give that name to their sons.

[@kellyl13]

I think high school graduation is a bigger deal in the US; I would've found it weird if my sisters didn't come to mine. Ironically, we only had our parents at our college graduations because we had already sat through the high school ones, and I didn't even go to my grad school graduations even though they're more important.

[@vocalsunleashed]

You didn't attend your own grad school graduations?

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

First story, I just had a baby. And we refused to tell ✨anyone✨ the name we chose (and we chose it 10 years ago. It’s our first boy). And we were worried because it’s not the name everyone expected (it’s a tradition that men name their first boy after their fathers). And a lot of people assumed we’d use that name (and one cousin told me that she’d be so happy to meet [father’s name] and that we had to use that name). But after I had my baby, no one was upset. Everyone loved the baby and names are secondary (and we have a lot of nicknames … even for all our kids).

[@bboops23]

My dad keeps trying to convince me to tell everyone the name at the baby shower and I can't imagine doing that. My husband and I love the name we picked. We have been pretty set on it for two months. My best friend already calls the baby that. She was our name test person. Everyone keeps asking me what the name will be and I feel like they will be judgemental. I can't understand why my dad thinks keeping the name private is so weird

[@ahouyearno]

Same here. Our first kid has a somewhat untraditional name. It’s a good name but its slightly outside the norm of what people expect. When my mother held our kid was when we first said “thats name”. Very jard for her to start arguing about the name of the grandchild she’s holding in her arms Unfortunately as we grow up, babysitting our parents becomes part of the job description

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

@@bboops23 with my first daughter, we told everyone the name because we didn’t care (we chose that name so that’s what it would be). But my cousin suggested (since we picked a name from my husband’s language and not mine) that we should have not told the name and let my family play a “game” of writing down name suggestions. It sounds meh to begin with, but then you’d have people upset you didn’t chose their suggestion. So I smiled at her and just said, next time we’ll announce the name after we get home from the hospital. And she left it alone. Now we live in my husband’s country and they’re just as sensitive about naming as my family 😂😂 EXCEPT that they won’t say anything negative after the baby’s born.

[@stacylitwin1466]

My partner's dad is a "the 2nd" and I've witness him tell his dad multiple times "thank you for not continuing that" lol

[@LoraK31]

I totally get where Shaaba's coming from with the gf story, but I would go with ESH for the badge. Yes, op had a bad reaction, but Luke having unrequited feelings is a personal, internal struggle between your head and your heart. I think roping in the people involved is really selfish, because you're just making the people you care about feel bad for being happy

[@durabelle]

Depends. We don't really know what had been said before or what Luke was going to say next if OP hadn't started yelling and kicked him out. Maybe the OP was telling about his proposal plans or something and Luke found it painful to listen to, and just wanted to let the OP know that he can't handle this role in the relationship. Maybe he wanted to get some distance from the couple to get over his emotions since OP and Luna were clearly getting serious, but didn't want to lie about the reasons. Maybe he was thinking that he'd be asked to be the bestman and didn't want to have such a big role in the wedding due to his emotions for Luna. In most cases I'd agree with you, and have personally kept my feelings to myself in the past, but I wouldn't lie if I was asked to put myself in a difficult position because of it.

[@LoraK31]

@@durabelle I agree with you! I think if it's at the point where this person can't be around either of them without feeling pain, it's his right to take a step back and explain why he's doing so. It's just that from the post's wording, it seems like he was just putting down the information for no clear reason. Definitely needs more context

[@durabelle]

@@LoraK31 Yep, but the post is of course from the OP's angle, so not the whole truth. Not saying he's lying, but he can only tell us the things he's aware of. For example he may have been continuously talking about Luna and the proposal without knowing how Luke felt about it, so for him the confession came out of the blue without a context. We'd really need to hear Luke's side of the story to assess whether he had a good reason to come clean. Clearly he didn't choose his words very succesfully either way, but he was not in an easy situation, so I can forgive some mistakes. I just really wish OP would have listened for a bit longer so he'd know what Luke was expecting to happen.

[@raissahkunzle8218]

About that story, I can't help but wonder what Luke was trying to accomplish? It is going to mess up their relationship, not only the one between OP and Luke, but between Luke and Luna. Luke probably expected OP to tell Luna (which I agree, he should absolutely do), and didn't consider the fact that she would maybe feel uncomfortable (I know I would in her situation). So what was his plan here? I think we're praising the maturity of that guy without considering the fact that he disregarded the consequences of his confession. He could've had a discussion with any person on the planet about these feelings. He went to those who will be the most impacted by it.

[@shhimreading906]

it's not dumb to have a tradition of passing down a name it's dumb to get upset/try to dictate that people MUST carry on that tradition

[@DuskHawker]

This!!

[@PaniPunia]

The "family names" generate so much problems in life, I've seen it many times at work. Imagine you have John Smith, son of John Smith, his son John Smith and grandson, you guessed it - John Smith. They may have Juniors, Seniors or numbers thrown in, and have different Social Security Numbers or equivalent, but still, it's chaos.

[@bboops23]

My brother is a junior and the name is peculiar enough that only my dad and brother have it. It's been a lifetime of issues.

[@TheMya1988]

That also poses problems when voting (here in the states), sometimes removing the wrong person from the voting rolls, when moving or in the event of death. It is a further hassle when trying to apply for a loan (especially a mortgage loan). My birth name was not even that common, yet I learned the financial history of every person who shared my name in the states I had to disclose living in, when I applied for a mortgage, crazy huh?

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

My grandad was named after his father because his father went to war and the family didn't know if he'd come back (he did.)

[@DeathBringerBecky]

@@unapologeticallylizzy That feels like an entirely different situation to me. I'm normally whole-heartedly against naming your children after yourself for a multitude of reasons. The exception is when the person died. I can understand a parent naming a kid after the other parent they never get to meet. and i think i can extend that to the situation for your grandad too. My main complaint with the practice is how selfish I find it. Genuinely, I cannot think of a reason for someone alive and kicking to name their child after themself other than ego. Like, that kid is their own person. Shoving your name on them just feels like you're expecting and want a mini you, and that's bullshit. but the situation you gave feels different. that sounds like trying to ensure the dad got to be a part of the kid's life, and that, at least, is a reason i can get behind.

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

@@DeathBringerBecky Yeah, it definitely robs the kids of a chance to form their own identity if you're naming them after a still living parent.

[@alexiar.ramos-labonte1957]

I understanding where your coming from on the Luna/Luke story, but without approaching the situation with having a goal in mind and communicating it, I don’t see the point of bringing it up, like the honesty is nice, but if you don’t direct it with the hope of something positive coming out of it, it seems better to just stay quiet

[@mjrasco]

I think maybe OP left out the assumption that Luke would probably be the best man. Which often means a lot of time alone with the bride planning surprises, etc.

[@misxfitx]

I've been in that situation before, and the only goal i approached it with was to be honest because keeping a secret like that is extremely hurtful. i didn't actually want my friend to leave their partner, that would have destroyed me.

[@RenaRain]

We can't know for sure since we weren't there, but there's a limit to what honesty can accomplish and I agree that without a goal in mind Luke probably shouldn't have brought it up. There's a kind of cruelty in making your own problem someone else's problem if it doesn't help the situation.

[@gabrieldartemius9940]

I personally feel like the split in the last case kinda makes sense. Think about it in tiers: tickets for the parents, so 3 because there are 3 parents, then tickets for immediate family apart from parents, so 3 for the siblings, then the rest (4) gets evenly split between the two families of bio parents, so 2 for each. Dunno, it makes sense. But yeah, hope the kid gets to take their best friend.

[@carly6107]

I think that’s a good point-splitting it “down the middle” has kinda gotta suck for the kid. They’re all part of the kid’s family, and that’s more important than it being even for the parents. Who is the most important to the kid?

[@Mega6470]

Yeah but if one the siblings don’t wanna go and older kid doesn’t care, just give the ticket to someone who wants to go 😂

[@gabrieldartemius9940]

@@Mega6470 of course, of course, that should be the basic initial split, then make corrections to it as you ask people xD

[@HolyGrrrail]

I agree, doesn't make sense to completely split it 50/50 between the parents. The immediate family should already be accounted for (unless the kids don't wanna go), and the rest should be up to the graduating kid

[@vallentinac9513]

THIS THIS THIS

[@theellieepic]

Hi Shaaba, I'm sorry that this is slightly irrelevant to the actual content of the video, but would you perhaps consider adding actual captions to future videos? I'm hard of hearing and I sometimes struggle with hearing what you're saying and the auto-generated captions aren't always very good :-) Thanks in advance and no worries if it's too much trouble.

[@F3lixB0y]

I'm also hoh and i second this :3

[@funtimekiwi]

@@F3lixB0y i'm not HOH but I also agree just because I like captions

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

I support this, too. I have auditory processing problems, so closed captions / subtitles are important for me.

[@emofurryboyfriendasmr]

fellow apd person here to boost this

[@mjrasco]

Same, but it could be very difficult.

[@astralten]

Graduations are just really boring. While I would have had 6 tickets, I talked to my family beforehand, and we collectively decided that I would just go there alone, grab my degree, and go home, where we would celebrate properly. Because of this, I sold my tickets off to other graduates who wanted to bring more than 6 people and used the money to buy myself a graduation gift, which was a decision I didn't regret.

[@twinning1944]

Story 1: NTA, names are a joint decision. If one parent doesn’t like the name then it’s off the table. Simple.

[@twinning1944]

Also, what if OPs family had a name they always hand down. What would this couple do then?

[@ViktorErikFade]

23:37 The dad has extreme "hello fellow kids " energy with that and if i were his kid and think thats gross. It is hilarous to me he talks about disrespect as well when the kid asks him not to , and he does anyway, then when he does something different he gets offended lol . What. It doesnt sound like they are bff's as parent and child or anything so dont get why he thought it was a good idea to begin with

[@ViktorErikFade]

You can tell shaaba is a wholesome person, because if my parent tried to match my hair style I'd assume they were going through midlife crisis Matchingt-shirts? Maybe , just different day, but hair you would have a while like that

[@alexnikander6353]

Exactly! 40-50 yo should be able to dye their hair without major judgement, but matching emo split dye with your teenage son? …really???? That’s what you’re going for?

[@lisamichelle2837]

For the graduation one, the kid should get a say. Also, if the child is indifferent the mom should allocate the tickets and i feel lik she was very generous. He was not an equal parent. He does not get equal say.

[@GretaRitz]

Nickname for George: that’s my cousin’s name and we call him Geo (two syllables). Not exactly faster to say but cuter for sure 😂

[@jamiepx9]

For the final story I guess my take is shouldnt the graduating kid get a say in who gets the tickets? They are the one graduating...I know you finally made this point I wrote this before. So yes I agree with you in focusing on the kid the person graduating. Seeing who they want there.

[@Jinxyisms]

I have a very strong opinion about naming children after other people but not because of anything personal. I used to work at a credit union. And whenever family members would come in that all shared the same name it was so confusing. And sometimes when you will pull credit reports you'd get a credit report for the wrong person because they were so Twisted up. I fully believe that family members should be named separately.

[@thecolorjune]

Hahahaha that’s a good point

"So Luna can stay safe"? 🙄Luke sounds like a good friend that tries to be honest and vulnerable, the story said nothing that could make you suspect him of forcing himself on her or whatever these people think... 🤔

[@bboops23]

He literally just wanted to clear the air and tell his friend that he had feelings and he couldn't go on hiding it. One of my guy friends developed feelings for me, I'm married. He never told me, but things got super weird between us for 6 months till he finally got it off his chest and told a mutual friend.

[@jadziajan]

I really don't like these comments because they present themselves as protectors of the woman in the situation but are really just stripping her of her agency. Behind a veneer of not trusting the man, they're treating her like an object and not someone with feelings, an opinion, her own judgement.

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

My only critique of Luke is that he didn't say something sooner. It sounds like he was hoping the relationship was going to fizzle out and then he'd get a shot at her, but once he learned things were pretty serious (potential proposal) he sees his chance slipping away. He should have been upfront with his feelings from jump. And while lashing out in anger isn't the correct behavior either, OP just found out that his best friend has been lying to him(by omission(which IS STILL lying!)) for years at this point. Every memory of confiding in this friend about your partner and your growing love is now tainted knowing that your friend was sitting there, not cheering you on, but plotting your demise. (That's a bit melodramatic but you get the idea) It's a betrayal.

[@solsystem1342]

​@@InThisEssayIWill... He wasn't lying and it's silly that people gave op nta imo. Like, blowing up at someone for trying to be vulnerable about their feelings is so childish. I never got why people act like liking the same person as you is some sort of crime or scheme. Like, you both like being around the person as a friend. You fell in love with them. Why are you mad other people are having similar feelings? Especially when they haven't done anything without talking to you and your partner. Like, it would be a shitty thing to do if he just started trying to flirt with luna without talking things through with both of them (clearly in this case they're mono so that's not going anywhere) but still people have got to be able to talk about their feelings.

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

@@solsystem1342 to be clear I think it's an ESH situation, OP sucks for the childish way he handled it, but yes, Luke was being dishonest. He had feelings for this woman for 2 years! He should have had this talk when OP and Luna became exclusive, and probably taken some time and distance to get a handle on his emotions then.

[@imdone9967]

I’m just confused at the Luna story why he needed to tell him? Why is that the right thing to do? I’m confused what is that meant to accomplish? I’m just genuinely confused i don’t get it

[@Sandrina42]

I agree like even if we can all agree with Shaaba saying he's not doing anything wrong by having those feelings for Luna, that may be so but what could ever be accomplished by sharing it like this? I could credit Luke for honesty if he did't just wanna ghost his long time good friend(s) and therefore went "look guys I have feelings for Luna that are not reconcilable with the situation being as it is and I am therefore going to distance myself from you for at least a while etc.." As I interpret it from this story though, he just kinda..told it..for the sake of telling his friendabout his struggle or sth.? I'm sorry but you can be the most evolved, open-minded, steel secure person in your relationship, surely you still wouldn't be able to continue the friendship (which if I remember right, all 3 of them are friends, not just the two guys, right?) as if nothing had happened. So indeed, whatever can the point be?

[@durabelle]

We may never know because the OP blew up and kicked him out. He may have meant to take the conversation somewhere but never got the chance to do so. Maybe he totally sucks and wanted to break the relationship and whatnot, but maybe he just wanted to tell the friend so that he'll understand why he wants to take some distance or something.

[@Sandrina42]

@@durabelle I agree but I also feel like any intent to the declaration would've been mentioned either going in, or at least before the op had a chance to get really mad (not saying their reaction was great, I personally don't subscribe to the idea that "people say things they don't mean when they're mad" or "heat of the moment" etc. Like, if you're an adult, control your gd emotions, you're not a toddler). From how the story was told however, OP was confused and baffled at first and asked Luke if he was serious. Luke just said yes to this. If feel like here (at the very latest) a "yes, and I'm telling you this because.." was due. To me, due to Op's overblown reaction and Luke apparently telling the whole thing without a good reason, this is an ESH situation, at least with the information we have.

[@elizabethmcdonald2569]

Thanks for posting this, I felt like that episode of Friends, "this is Thanksgiving, not... Truth Day?" 😂

[@imdone9967]

@@durabelle oh yea I totally see that it could’ve lead somewhere. I was just confused with commenters and Shaaba saying it was “mature” or “the right thing” without mentioning additional stuff. But that makes sense.

[@bradiedean7466]

High school graduation in the States happens when you're 17/18 so the kid in question is actually pretty likely to be a legal adult when the graduation happened. I definitely agree that they would be old enough to have input

[@faemomofdragons]

As a child, I knew only 2 people who liked spinach, Popeye and my dad. So I hate spinach because my dad ate spinach. I went away to college with a healthy appreciation for spinach. First meal back home for break, I noticed my dad didn't get any spinach so I asked him why. He told me he didn't like spinach. But you ate it all those years?! Yes, I was setting a good example for my kids. I was lied to! And all I got was an appreciation for spinach.

[@Rikrobat]

With the first story, I really dislike the whole “have to pass down family names” and drama coming out when one partner is insisting upon it. My name ended up being a compromise to avoid a bunch of drama and I never liked it. I have since taken on the name that my mom wanted for me originally now that I’m old enough to choose. The husband is being the drama here. He hates his name and has taken to using other names for himself, yet he thinks it’s appropriate to force his child through the same hassle because he’s not willing to stand up to his parents. He’s being a coward and needs to set up the precedent that his family can’t push him around.

[@alex_blue5802]

A baby's name is incredibly important. It shouldn't be a compromise.

[@Desimere]

even if he wants to please his family, it's so much hassle with the bureaucracy to make a legal change and lie about it later, it would make way more sense to just lie about it right away.

[@bboops23]

My parents are annoyed because I won't give my son a middle name with the same initial as myself, my siblings, my dad, and my new nephew. It's a tradition that isn't long lived and I don't like a single middle name I've heard with that initial, even my own. I'm 6 months pregnant and I just keep reminding everyone that traditions are made to be broken.

[@elliest55]

Family drama surrounding baby names is the MOST ridiculous type of drama. Especially some cultures and traditions take it to outrageous extremes: I've heard all sorts of extreme stories from fistfights breaking out during baptisms/naming ceremonies to kids ending up being called five different names, depending on who's talking to them. I've been an external observer to all the ridiculousness up until now, when it's my turn to name my first kid (expected later this year). We love the names we've picked, though we'll wait to meet the little one before we settle. Thankfully our immediate families are super chill and hopefully it will all be drama-free (famous last words 😅)

[@ahouyearno]

Im sorry to hear that, Renesmee

[@ghostboybenji]

last story - high school graduation happens around 17-18. im pretty sure op said their kid is around that age, so i assume high school graduation probably. even at your high school graduation, the kid is mature enough to pick who goes imo! i must say though the concept of limited tickets is weird to me, my school just lets family members/close relatives in

[@hailyjohnson407]

I agree that tickets is weird. My high school and college graduation both had no limit on who could come or how many. The only time this has ever been done at any graduation I've ever attended or planned to attend was when my brother graduated high school, it was 2020, so it was limited to 4 tickets per person, and to prevent any arguments between siblings and grandparents on all sides (our parents are divorced and remarried), he decided he would have mom+step-dad and dad+step-mom and that's it so he didn't have to decide who was more important or who he wanted there the most, etc., because we have a huge extended family amd several step siblings as well as me and our younger sister who also couldn't attend.

[@She-Devil94]

We had to limit tickets because we were 130 pupils gratuating and there was just no reasonably priced place around that could hold more than 800 people comfortably 😅

[@Cherijo78]

#3 as a mom myself, this is major boundary crossing by the sad, and really disgusting of the dad to then turn it on the kid. Gross.

[@ASoggyFrootLoop]

The graduation tickets were always meant to be the kid’s decision not the parents. It sounds to me like both parents kinda forgot who the party was for tbh. When I graduated from high school I also had 10 tickets and it was up to me who came, I decided that neither of my parents’ partners where to attend end of discussion, the divorce was only two years old at the time and it was already awkward enough with just my parents having to interact, ended up having tickets to spare that instead of inviting anyone extra with I sold lol, mom’s boyfriend was kinda pissed but thankfully my mom backed me up and defended my decision.

[@ikatmax]

Before i watch further and forget... My great-grandfather went to do the paperwork for my grandmother's identity book (ID) and he got her birthday wrong by an entire month since she was 16 she then had her birthday on the same day just in July and not in June. The commenter on the first video that said don't let your husband fill in the paperwork made me think of that - I know it is a bit off topic, but a funny story to share l.

[@Mega6470]

Don’t they ask some kind of medical paper lol ? Did they never fix the date afterwards ?

[@ikatmax]

@Mega6470 this was in the 1950s in South Africa and they lived far from town so they never had it fixed

[@ikatmax]

I also think it was expensive to change it back then and my great grandparents were not well-off. In South Africa you get your ID book when you are 16. I think admin in those days were all done by hand, so they didn't have ways to check it. I also don't know if you had a birth certificate back then. I will ask my mom maybe she knows or my gran maybe she remembers what happened but I just know from that year on she celebrated her birthday in July instead of June. I've heard of this type of thing happening to other people as well. I think it is something special to my grandmother because she never had it fixed.

[@samanthamyers5719]

Here's the thing about American highschool graduation. It's important because University is not guaranteed here in the states. It's absolutely a luxury that some people will just not be able to afford. And while yes a degree now a days in expected in this society to get anywhere, it doesn't mean that it's accessible to everyone. Me and my friends are college age rn and trying to make things work and let me tell you the costs are astronomical. So the highschool graduation is a really important milestone because it might be the highest education some people can get. Not to mention that there are still some people here who are first generation where they are the first in their family to even graduate from highschool. I can see your perspective but its a much bigger deal than you are giving it credit for.

[@nriamond8010]

That can't be the reason, because here in Germany, not everyone goes to university, too, but neither uni graduation nor school graduation of any kind is a big thing here. It's just boring and after my own school graduation, I have no intent to go to any graduation again (maybe if I'll have kids and they want me to).

[@user-fr2tg7pz8r]

I agree with you about the dye job debacle, except that "the silent treatment" is considered a form of emotional abuse.

[@karaokegirl1313]

Hate to say, but I completely disagree on the second story. It feels like Luke telling his friend about his feelings for Luna was a very selfish choice. I don't think there is a situation in which telling your friend that you are in love with their long-term partner has a good outcome, honesty or not. It really seems like Luke wanted to assuage his own guilt without thinking of how it would make his friend feel, the pressure that could put on OP's relationship, or how it would make Luna feel. Granted, I am also not of the opinion that every instance of not telling someone information is a case of lying by omission. Not everyone needs to know everything all the time especially when it is likely to lead to hurt on all sides.

[@Mega6470]

I was thinking this, but then I asked myself what is Luke to do then ? His only other option really would be to severe ties with his friend WITHOUT telling him why. I think that would hurt more than a hard but honest conversation.

[@nergregga]

@@Mega6470 Friends drift apart for all sorts of reasons though, especially as you reach the age where people marry and start having kids. Even if Luke didn't have a crush on Luna it's very likely, unfortunately, that the friendship would have begun to fizzle out because the couple had other priorities. There's surely other people Luke could have talked to about this rather than the parties involved.

[@anacsadder]

Am I the only one that will get stuck in negative/painful thought cycles that I know are ridiculous, but struggle to get out of them until I have an external person tell me they're ridiculous? For all we know, the conversation was heading in a direction of "I think I love Luna, but I know that's ridiculous, so I'm going to take a step back to clear my head. If I disappear from your lives for a while, that's why." We're only getting the perspective of the guy that assumed Luke had bad intentions, so we're hearing it the way that guy interpreted it.

[@heathergracyalny2687]

​@@anacsadderI'm like this. My logical best friend helps me out when I talk about things that bother me. I over dramatize everything because my anxiety lies constantly, so much so that I'm either too worried or not worried enough. I'm working on it in therapy, so it's slightly better.

[@alexnikander6353]

@@anacsadder yeah but that conversation is perhaps to be had with another friend outside the immediate fire zone? Idk I understand and see reason for both telling and talking about it and just not telling to protect the couple

[@jennifers5560]

“Wetherbee” for the bee’s name!

[@catT5236]

Story 2: unless Luke was saying he needed to create distance between him & Luna so he could resolve these feelings & that's why he was telling OP, then actually I don't think what Luke did was okay. Why tf would you tell your friend you had feelings for their fiancé just to tell them but you don't intend to take action to diminish said feelings? It's going to cause issues between everyone. On top if that I find it REALLY weird thst Luke said his "feelings grew exponentially" when OP & Luna got engaged. I could understand a growth in frustration, but why would he feel more romantic affection towards her purely because she's now engaged to OP? That's really odd & tbh a bit sus, it's kinda like he only wants her because he can't have her.

[@Imjustkendall]

I forgot it was Monday 🥺 I was actually having a really hard day so this is a great surprise lol

[@jessicaholscher4097]

32:42 In the US, you usually graduate HS at 18, but if your birthday occurs between the end of the school year and the start of the new school year, you'll graduate when you're 17. It all depends on when you can start Kindergarten. You need to be 5 before the school year (September) to start Kindergarten (the year before first grade). You can typically assume a kindergartner starts school at 5 and ends that year at 6, starts 1st grade at 6 and ends it at 7, etc.

[@fleridanfox6150]

the men of my moms family carried the exact same first, middle, and last names for four generations. whereas all the women pick a middle name from a grandma or distant aunt or cousin that they looked up to. but most recently my brother picked a middle name outside of the family for his kid, to honor two of his closest friends. and honestly it makes my nephews name roll off the tongue easy lol

[@PaniPunia]

I would leave the younger kids with a sitter, unless one if them wants to come, but it's not likely. Watching high school graduation is not a teaching moment, and honestly it's not very rewarding if you're not a parent/parental figure.

[@A_T216]

I'm surprised the graduating kid wasn't in possession of the tickets to allocate by themself. I'm in Canada, and my secondary school had a whole to-do about commencement (graduation), and while I was given 2 tickets, *I* was given 2 tickets. I could've given them to anybody, in theory. No one was putting together a guest list, and tickets were just checked at the door. God *damn* it was so boring to sit through, though. I wish I hadn't gone lmao. What a waste of 5 hours. I ended up watching Sense8 on my phone through earphones with my seatmate, since we couldn't be seen so far back in the lineup.

[@bethgoltermann9231]

The OP whose buddy is in love (or has a crush on) his girlfriend is complicated. I do think OP reacted badly, and I think he should tell his girlfriend. But I can also understand why he reacted poorly, and I'm not sure what response Luke expected to get. (Maybe not so angry? I don't know.) If the friend had been asking, I probably would have advised him not to say anything. Maybe Luke should have just silently put some distance between himself and OP/Luna until he was able to get his feelings under control. But I do think OP's reaction likely comes from a place of fear/insecurity, and it's not fair to Luke, who hasn't actually done anything wrong. The fact that so many Redditors immediately went to "Luke is going to make a play for your girlfriend or try to ruin your relationship" just shows the mentality of Reddit more than anything. But I also think a lot of the Reddit commenters are actually 13 years old and just...don't have a lot of experience with those kinds of emotional complexities.

[@blackk_rose_]

Silently putting some distance between them is a bit tough though. Imagine your best friend suddenly distances himself from you without an explanation. And since they're getting married, I assume Luke is also the best man, so he might not be able to without stepping down from that role. Is he supposed to lie about why he does that? I do think there are cases where you should keep your feelings to yourself, but if he often sees Luna through OP, then talking to OP about the whole thing makes sense. They could agree to meet up without her present and maybe he did want to step down as the best man and it didn't get to that because OP got too angry.

[@alex_blue5802]

I think that Luke could have come at it with solutions like "I'm going to take some time away," or "I'm just telling you so you know," it might have gone better. He just said how he felt and didn't even assure OP that he respected his relationship. OP filled in the blanks in the worst way, but he was obviously very emotional in the moment.

[@bethgoltermann9231]

@@blackk_rose_ True enough. I wish we had more context about what Luke had said or what his intent was. If he meant to inform OP that he was going to be putting that distance there and why and OP freaked out before he got to that part, then OP looks all the worse. But if Luke was just intending to inform OP that he had feelings for Luna, just to unburden himself, what did he think OP's reaction would be? I'm a good bit older than OP, and I've been with my husband for 10 years, but I'd still feel very weird and uncomfortable if someone said to me, "I've got feelings for your husband, and I think maybe I'm in love with him. Just wanted to let you know." I don't think I would have reacted the way OP did, but I also don't think I'd be as blase as Shaaba would be, either. If Luke just needed to confide in someone about his feelings, then OP wasn't the best choice.

[@bethgoltermann9231]

@@alex_blue5802 Agree. I think maybe if Luke had started with "I am taking time away from you and Luna BECAUSE I have feelings for her," instead of leading with the feelings, OP might have been able to see past his own fear and insecurity. But it's not clear from this whether Luke was even intending to put some space there, or if he was just trying to unburden himself.

[@brunahamabata1]

100% agree with Shaaba's verdicts this time. The Reddit comments on the OP-Luna-Luke story also took me by surprise and made me rather uncomfortable. Maybe I'm naive or something, but I found Luke's attitude very mature, honourable and brave. If I were him and my best friend's immediate reaction to my being honest in a respectable way were to think and act as if I'd then proceed to betray him and our friendship, I would get offended myself. I understand that might still happen, and more often than I like to believe, but why have that conversation in the first place only to then go behind your friend's back? That doesn't make any sense to me. Last but not least, yes, Shaaba was spot on, again, when she reminded us that Luna isn't some sort of potential damsel in distress - if OP feels safe enough in their relationship to propose to her, that's probably because he knows how she feels about it and him. Again, perhaps I'm gullible, but those warnings in the replies sounded as if people just mistook life for a soap opera sometimes. :/ P.S. Thank you, Shaaba, for yet another great video. This series makes Mondays feel more like something to look forward to than the opposite... :)

[@PaniPunia]

They are in their early 20s, that's not so far from high school, and kind of explains the way OP handled it - it has High School Drama written all over it. One of the reasons I'm not a fan of getting married so young - people quite often lack emotional maturity, and that makes every problem so much harder to solve.

[@brunahamabata1]

@@PaniPunia Oh, yes, absolutely. I wasn't actually put off by the fact that OP had the reaction they did. It must be tough being in their position, and I'm not sure how I would've reacted myself. What baffled me, though, was the number of people jumping to the sad conclusion that they should now beware of their best friend because somehow his opening up to them about his feelings automatically made him unreliable. I understand this sort of situation is awkward (to say the least) and would require a lot of work from all those involved in it, but I wouldn't necessarily expect my friend to betray me, especially after being so vulnerable and honest. Don't know, again, maybe it's just me being too trusting. I do see your point, and that whole thing would certainly have seemed way worse to me were I closer to their age...

[@PaniPunia]

@@brunahamabata1 honestly I don't know what would I do if I was the one with the crush - probably explain to my friend and politely try to keep my distance for a while. Come clean to make sure my friend knows I'm not avoiding them because I'm mad or something. If I was on the other side - well, I don't think there's a good solution, probably would also limit contact. But I'm almost 40 and can force myself to be level headed if it's needed, and it totally came with age.

[@brunahamabata1]

@@PaniPunia Exactly what I thought would be an ideal solution - well, not exactly a solution, but ideal, at least until everyone's feelings had been worked out somehow. Limiting contact, yes, from all sides. Their friendship might or might not survive, but it also seems to me the best course of action in this situation. Oh, but then, yes, I'm in my early 40s myself, so... :)

[@sarahpooler2330]

I have an aversion to gunshots that stems from childhood stuff. When our neighbor decided to spend half the day sighting his gun, I just had my grandparents watch my little one for a bit. I don't want him to pick up this secondhand fear.

[@melissacoviello2886]

High school graduation in the states is when you’re around 18, which is also the age of adulthood. Often it’s just before they turn 18. I think mom and her immediate family being 5 and dad by themselves 1, leaving 4 additional tickets and those were split evenly. I think it was fair. I’m also biased as I was a single mom for a while with my oldest and my husband has become his father in every way. My ex also never paid child support and he was invited, he flew from another state to attend and then unfortunately he didn’t attend as he fell back into his addiction and then cheated on his wife. It was not a good day. His family however all came and his uncle even flew from across the country to go. So like I said, I am biased.

[@somethinunameit637]

That last story: its so weird to me that the child wasnt passing out those 10 tickets and OP was... when i graduated i invited the people who i wanted to come, i celebrated with my favorite family members and had dinner with those who couldnt come

[@sky-eh4wy]

you say that it is dramatic that people were telling OP so let staff know about naming the baby stuff, but both me and my sibling have had our names registered by my father as something my mom 100% did not agree with. So I see why people would go the extra mile, unfortunately this is more common than you would think

[@Raddiebaddie]

Was thinking that too

[@ashleyharbaugh8439]

For the 1st story i know you thought not letting him fill out paperwork alone was extreme but for both of my brothers and I my dad waited till we were born then changed the name from what him and my mom agreed on while she was in recovery and it was always allowed even to my mom would get really upset

[@Eldin_00]

26:00 If dad had just showed up with a matching hairstyle, this would definitely be NAH. But dad told OP he wanted to do it. OP said "Please don't do that". The fact that dad did it anyway after that firmly pushes this into NTA for me.

[@mjrasco]

Hello, Shaaba. I agree with all of your verdicts, but I feel you should be made aware of something no one else is pointing out. In the last story, the child is 17, which means high school in the states, usually. Since the OP said they moved out of state, I think it's safe to assume United States. An assumption of yours that I'm not sure you're aware of is that if it's a high school graduation that means there will be another one. In the US, university is expensive, and for a child from a town so small that families get 10 graduation tickets each, opportunities to attend university could easily be prohibitive. There might be a local or online school they could attend, but if they can't afford room and board away from home, they may have to settle for whatever job they can get with their diploma. These days a lot of public high schools are even offering certifications through the school so kids don't have to go to trade school. This could easily be that young man's only graduation ever.

[@zsuzsisz9263]

For the last story, it seems like dad should be happy to even get tickets. He's much less of a part of the kids life and 3 should be enough for him to spread around. Especially with the grandparents not being able to attend

[@alex_blue5802]

I think asking for a 50-50 split is too much. Equal does not always mean fair.

[@zsuzsisz9263]

@@alex_blue5802 yeah definitely equality vs equity

[@zard5930]

The child is 17. It seems to be a highschool graduation. If the family on the mother's side has done more to raise it, then let the mother allocate the two tickets. The father avoided to help raise the kid, he stayed unemployed to avoid paying child support. The father can come, he isn't ousted. For me it is more logical that the parent who did more and whose family did more should have more tickets. Edit: Though I agree that the child should have a say in this!

[@alex_blue5802]

She's clearly the primary parent, and it makes sense that this is her decision. She didn't do anything vindictive towards her ex, she gave him a substantial portion of the tickets. I think insisting that everything is equal is a way to bypass the hard truths about who is more invested in this child's life.

[@fridaroper935]

lol my grandmother when she foudn out my brothers name after he had been born, laughed and then asked my mum 'no, what did you actually call him'

[@Goldlucky13]

all your cousins having the same name is so nutty idc.. like first and middle? my ex's family had many cousins that had the first name jesús or maria but their second names were unique, and that second name is what they went by in conversation.

[@Just_Reading_Comments]

In regard to you talking about you wanting Jamie to eat more vegetables once you have children, I gotta share a story that 20+ years later still aggravates me. My daughter was a very picky eater as a toddler but she did really like vegetables and even liked Brussels sprouts until… one day I was cooking dinner that included Brussels sprouts and her dad came into the kitchen and said “Eww Brussels sprouts, gross” in front of my daughter. Guess who never touched Brussels sprouts again. I was so irritated because she was so picky as it was and getting enough things like protein, fiber, vitamins (which they are high in) etc was already a challenge. Kids absolutely pay attention to everything we do and say.

[@jessicaholscher4097]

4:50 Ah, when a people pleaser meets a person with healthy boundaries. When you're the one who likes to keep the peace in your family, and your partner has an issue with something that you've been ignoring your whole life from your family, it's time to speak up. To him, it's vastly "easier" to just do what makes them happy. It's not healthy at all, but I can totally relate. Also, if he fought the name, it would probably come out that he changed his, name, and then he'd have to deal with that too. Yeah, we got a peacekeeper over here.

[@capturingsol]

For the second story with Luke and Luna, I feel like it's kind of an ESH, minus Luna. Luke can have those feelings, but that's something he should have been working on on his own or with someone that isn't directly connected to the couple. It isn't fair for him to more or less say to the OP "you being happy makes me unhappy". That's something he needs to process himself. I would have been pissed as well, not because I don't trust my partner or my friend, but because it's stressful to have people say things like that. It's happened before to me actually, where several times people were like "hey I really like you/your partner/you both, are you guys into polyamory", and I was not happy about their responses when we said that we weren't. I didn't yell at them, of course, and that's why OP sucks too, but it made me feel uncomfortable because they then also made it my problem after as well instead of just taking the answer as it was by griping or otherwise essentially saying "you being happy makes me unhappy because I can't have what you have". Luke just shouldn't have brought it up to OP, and worked on it himself.

[@nergregga]

I kind of think the biggest AH is Luke in the GF story. Unrequited love sucks, and it can take a long time to get over, but ultimately it will pass on it's own. So often it's the idea of the person, and not actually the person that you are in love with. I have never had a good outcome from telling someone I had unrequited feelings for about my feelings. It's always super awkward, and the friendship ended; fizzled out because the dynamic, and what you feel in love with changed. Also, I don't agree that Luna needs to know. Why does she need to know about his personal feelings, that's his personal feelings. And if he needs to discuss them, he should discuss them with an uninvolved party.

[@MelvinSowah]

I'd like to counter this with my own example. I confessed to someone close to me, knowing that nothing could happen between us because they're not interested in men. They were incredibly calm about the whole thing and talked through it with me. Since then, our relationship has stayed strong and we've even taken several trips together. Even when they got into a new relationship, we were still able to talk openly about things. I did make a point of stressing that I wanted nothing to change between us though, and that I would work on making sure my own feelings didn't end up hurting anyone. While it still hurts, it does feel easier knowing that our relationship isn't in jeopardy and that I can still be completely open and honest with this friend.

[@nergregga]

@@MelvinSowah I just don't think having private feelings has anything to do with not being honest or authentic.

[@codasylphanthi2187]

For the graduation story, I would not say that this graduation is "less important" than a university graduation, because you do not know that her kid is going to university after. Also, her kid deserves a say in who attends his graduation, not just because he is probably old enough to vote, but just because he is a whole ass person and it's his graduation. The other kids in her household also deserve a say in whether they should be required to sit still in a room full of people watching 18 year olds in robes walk up a stage for an hour until they can finally see the one they actually know....

[@annabrown3337]

Ugh the uni one hit me. I was already married when I graduated, I had to fight for a 3rd ticket so both my parents and my husband could come. I know my dad would have bowed out if he had to, but he'd still have had to drive 300miles to bring my mum and then sit somewhere outside... thankfully there was a space

[@danielsykes7558]

18:34 not trusting Luna may be a bit of a different thing than being insecure about himself. If his friend has had a history of being a womanizer, maybe OP also thinks his friend is better looking, or more charismatic. It's a form of not trusting his girlfriend, but it might be more about disrespecting himself than disrespecting his partner. Just a thought

[@hailyjohnson407]

With the name thing, I completely agree with keeping it quiet until after the kid is born. My cousin has named her kids some ridiculous names (think Renesme from Twilight, a weird combination of two names that just dont flow and sound odd and are just smashed together for the first name) that I would have definitely said something about if she annouced them beforehand. But I will absolutely not shit on a new mom post-partum when seeing that baby for the first time. Do my siblings and I giggle about the names behind her back? Yes. Would we tell her theyre stupid names before the baby is born? Also yes. But once the baby is in the world with that name, you just have to accept it unless the child chooses to change it later as an adult. But all 3 of her kids' names belong on the r/tragedeigh subreddit.

[@japjap_jule]

my dad wanted to name me maria, my mom did absolutely NOT want that. they decided on a different name, but my mom had a c-section and wasnt awake for the paperwork... and now I have maria as a middle name because my dad wanted it even though my mom was against that name. so the shout out to not allow the husband to do the paperwork is kind of reasonable.

[@danbirdneo591]

You should call the bee Susan like black-eyed Susans since they’re black and yellow flowers same colour as the bee and bees like honey

[@user-nh7kg9mu6i]

10 tickets for graduation seems like a lot, though maybe that's cause our family is not very big or close. Only parents and siblings were on my graduation and my brother's

[@user-fr2tg7pz8r]

For the graduation ticket situation, I agree that the graduate should be able to decide who gets the tickets, but if the graduate doesn't want to deal with the drama, I don't agree that the dad necessarily should get equal tickets. It's not reasonable to leave the siblings out if the graduate wants them there, and they want to be there. I think parents' households plus two is fair. Also, it would be unusual for someone to be jailed for child support delinquency if there were legitimate mitigating circumstances, so the fact that he did time tells me that it's very likely that he actually was deliberately dodging paying his child support. Since one of the siblings doesn't want to go, the extra ticket should go to the best friend.

[@alex_blue5802]

This has clearly caused a lot of family drama and I think dumping it on a teenager would be unfair. It's good for his mom to ask his opinion but he shouldn't be forced to choose between family members.

[@vcutler4735]

With the name one: absolutely make sure you have a trusted friend in the delivery room to prevent the Andrew George-ening because the dad swooping in put in a name is a legit thing that happens. Also with how many AG's are in that family legit they are out of nicknames and it becomes impractical and an issue. And having a parent's name foisted on you can be very uncomfortable since you can't use that name fully since you'll always consider that the parent's name (speaking from experience)

[@imbluedubbadee]

"Spring has sprung" meanwhile im living my best autumn life in the southern hemisphere 🙏🏻✨️

[@jeska1995]

My ex was also in a family that handed down names, and wanted me to call my 2019 baby (now 5 yr old)... Alan. I said no straight from the off, and named by boy something else. I'm so glad I did as he ended up abusing my son and has been a deadbeat ever since. You cannot predict the future and I'm very grateful I don't have to think of him every time I say my child's name.

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

On the first one, my mum also said to me that the one carrying the baby gets more of a say over the name than their partner because they're the one that's going through the pregnancy and childbirth and honestly, yeah, that kind of makes sense to me. In the original conversation, I replied "oh, I thought partners have equal say" and she was like "no. Your body. If it comes down to it, you get the final say." I feel like OP would be well within their right to pull the "no uterus, no opinion" card on that first one, especially as OP and their husband had already decided on names and he decided to back-track last minute.

[@terrifiedofhumans1129]

I asked both my siblings what they planned on naming their expected bubs so we don't end up naming ours the same as they did. We ended up having a boy whereas they had girls.

[@koda5209]

0:00 Intro 0:29 Wild Ad 2:10 Name Drama 5:41 Shaaba response 7:48 Others response 12:18 Relationship Drama 16:23 Shaaba response 19:11 Others response 22:03 Hair Drama 23:30 Shaaba response 25:05 Other response 26:21 Graduation Drama 30:30 Shaaba response 35:43 additional info 36:46 Other response 28:46 Outro

[@AngiePez11]

About the graduation one. It says "I had a child with someone 17 years ago...". So, it's a 17 yo's high school graduation

[@sarathepirate]

#3 was definitely a high school graduation if they had their child 17 years ago and were talking about weekend custody agreements. In America, high school graduation is actually a very big deal! Not everyone wants to go to uni or is in a financial/academic position to do so, meaning this may be the *only* graduation they will ever have. Some schools hire guest speakers or include school choir/orchestra/band performances, students wear caps and gowns just like university, and the venues are often closed-so there's no standing room.

[@EloquentTroll]

In the 4th story the kid's raised alongside siblings have as much rights to a ticket as parents. Mom, Dad, and siblings all have first rights to tickets, and involved step parents are immediately after them, but the grad and the concent of the invited are the most overwhelming factors.

[@hyunjinsanity]

Best thing to have playing in the background whilst I revise for my gcses lol (Defo doesn't really distract me 💀💀)

[@Fragmented_Mask]

I reeeally want to weigh in on the Luke and Luna one. I went through a similar situation myself with a friend. At one point in our friendship, the two of us got really close but I realised I was attracted to him. He had a girlfriend. I had a whole bunch of feelings I wasn't prepared for, like suddenly being jealous any time I saw his girlfriend post pictures of their date nights, finding it really difficult to be around him in person etc. I did my best my try to overcome this by subtly hanging out less, thinking that with a bit of space I'd get over it. It didn't work, and after months of avoidance and denial, I decided I needed to say how I felt. Him proposing was the catalyst for me as well. I was in no way expecting anything to happen between me and him, I was really happy for him to have found a partner he wanted to spend his life with, but these feelings were there and they were creating an issue. Both him and his fiance handled it incredibly kindly, and it made that act of telling him a big relief rather than the catastrophe I'd been dreading. I ended up going mostly no contact for a while so I could process my feelings, and it helped. The friendship hasn't fully survived, although we are in touch occassionally. But had I said nothing, the friendship wouldn't have survived either, so I think it was the right thing to do. OP was valid to feel threatened by his friend's confession, but instead of trying to handle it with compassion and understanding he blew up at him and that's not okay. I also agree with Shaaba that the forum seems really fixed on thining Luke was doing this to try to steal Luna. As someone who was the Luke in my situation, he might also have been honest about it just because he wanted to problem solve the situation, but OP didn't give him the chance to. So yeah, deffo agree with the verdict on that one.

[@Arcane_Archer]

My middle dead name (I'm FTM) was inherited from my mom's middle name, which was in turn her grandma's first name. I HATED it and changed it to something more whimsical when I changed my legal name last year. A name is a gift from your parents, but you can always take the gift back and exchange it for something else if you don't like it!

[@meimei51793]

Chapters ❤ 0:34 wild ad 2:11 first story sons name drama 12:19 story 2 bestfriend wants gf 22:05 story 3 dad hair matching 26:23 story 4 grad tickets

[@catherinepattersonmcelroy8336]

For the 1st one I totally agree, NTD. I can't imagine how the child will feel if they have the family name and grow up to realize the dad didn't want it for himself. I can see how that could make the child question themselves.

[@jessicaholscher4097]

11:28 No, let me tell you what happened with my husband. So, my husband HATES veggies: like don't even put celery in his chicken salad. So, like six years into our marriage, I find out that as a kid, he loved vegetables, and then his dad would be like, "eww, you like vegetables?" whenever he ate them as a kid. I was so livid. Like forget that's my husband, why would you do that to a kid who likes vegetables!!!!??

[@bryciebee9651]

The thing about graduation tickets, not everyone has 10 people to invite, and you can sometimes talk to other graduates about getting their extra tickets. You might need to pay them, even though they are extras, but it was something people did in my school.

[@lijuanzhou6971]

Regarding the potentially boring graduation: I sneaked an ebook-reader into my own graduation, because I knew it was going to be boring. And it was… for the others, I had to suppress laughter about my book.

[@sophiadelacerda2346]

Regarding the graduation tickets: I’m glad that mom was able to recognize that her children have their own opinions about who should attend or not attend the ceremony. That seems to resolve the issue pretty well. I personally have a very small family and never used all my allotted tickets for my graduations. I ended up giving the extras to classmates who needed them. I think it’s definitely worth asking around to see if anyone has extras they could give.

[@nicoleruser4909]

I think I would be slightly more inclined to call Hair Dye Dad the AH than you are, Shaaba. Not because he dyed his hair just like his son's, or because he's been quiet the last few hours. (Like you said, it could be him just processing the hurt, not a "silent treatment.") But he called his son "disrespectful" for changing his own hair so they don't match. Maybe I'm lowkey triggered by the word "disrespectful," but *that* part seemed very out of line to me. Your teenager not wanting to be twinsies is not "disrespect," it's them being a teenager. TBH, I'm 35, and "making sure this doesn't look too much like my mom's hair" is still a consideration for me every time I get a new haircut. 😀

[@jamesmatthew2236]

As a vampire (pale ginger) this is the beginning of the worst time of year.