In Praise of Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is always going to be the poor relative of the requited kind, but that is no reason to ignore or denigrate it. We're all fated to spend a part of our lives deeply enraptured by people who won't feel the same about us: this is a structural inevitability. We should learn, in our less distraught moments, to recognise and honour the claims of unrequited love.
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FURTHER READING
“We are a practical species, and when we think of love, it is normal to focus on the sort that goes places, that is mutual, that leads people to form couples and perhaps one day households.
But the more peculiar reality is that the greatest share of humanity’s love stories have unfolded in a directionless form in the recesses of the mind of only one party. It seems that we are - in aggregate at least - committed first and foremost to the unrequited version of love.”
You can read more on this and other subjects here: goo.gl/Y3KhCU
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[@theschooloflifetv]

Have you had any experience with unrequited love? Let us know in the comments below or we have a discussion going on right now on our app available free here: goo.gl/g1kdt2

[@ev4rcroft]

List of films please!

[@PaperMario64]

I can attest to my recent experience having helped me realize (as an adult) what I really want in a mate.

[@IvanoForgione]

well, who hasn't?

[@toomuchinformation]

The School of Life It's not unrequited LOVE, but infatuation. Call it what it really is.

[@PoutineProductions]

My infatuation lasted me 1 1/2 years. I was pained that I knew I could never be with this person. I still admire them just not as strongly like I used to. I wanted to be in this persons life. I wanted to kiss them. Hug them. Tell them how they make my day at work every time they were there. I wanted to make them feel special. I have moved on from my strong slightly passionate feelings for the bloke. I still see him daily and I am always in awe of his quirks and kindness. I wont lie...He isn't all great and that took me a while to realize. After crying over someone like him. It just wasn't worth it anymore. I genuinely liked them for their personality and their quirkiness. It was a sweet experience. I had never felt so infatuated with someone like that before. And it lasted 1 year and about 6 months. It's the longest infatuation I ever felt. I hope they stay sane and healthy for years to come. Id like to visit his grave someday in the distant future.

[@julesdoesthings]

The other day i had this little realization that my unrequited love was the love i should show myself...

[@zain4019]

Julia Kaltenböck these comments make me feel so sad :( especially yours, and probably because it’s true. But that realization doesn’t take away your love for the other person, for me, it makes it stronger, more meaningful and real, that someone should show you such a beautiful thing about your existence- that you deserve love as well and that you are worthy of love. Just as your adore them, you should adore yourself too. Love is the answer, so can it be okay to love them too? For me, it can.

[@asktheetruscans9857]

Few come to that wisdom. I hope you didn't pay too high a price to gain that.

[@mesmericmichelle]

Thank you for sharing, your advice has helped me

[@grittygoddess]

Boom

[@Awesomosarus]

What a wonderful thought!

[@theunknowner3848]

The thing about unrequited love is that we often willingly allow it to grow and develop, despite knowing that it could end in a bunch of awful feelings. It’s nice when you begin to care for someone, and daydream about what could be, so you encourage the feelings and let them flow. But then before long you see them with someone else or realise that it could never be, and you feel physical sickness in the depths of your stomach. You wish you’d never been foolish enough to allow yourself to slip this far into fantasy and the only occupations of your mind are jealousy and bitterness.

[@Priyanshiiiiiiiiii]

Jesus Christ. This comment. 👏👏

[@magnamia]

If only feelings could be controlled as you mention. Often, there is very less choice, trust me. We don't will feelings to grow and develop. Rather, they drag us, like a wagon horse gone wild, deeper and deeper into a place from where it will be very difficult and painful to escape.

[@julg3498]

this one hit me right in the feels

[@feartheghus]

Do you also realize at that point that you were selfish and that your first thought at seeing the person you “love” happy was a bitter and envious thought?

[@feartheghus]

magnamia You can choose who you love, you can choose to stop loving. Perhaps it can be harder to control the simple emotions based mostly on hormones and physical reactions, though even that can be controlled, but love is something you choose to have for someone.

[@confusedwhale]

Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't've fallen in love with?

[@anukritiverma6211]

confusedwhale Every. Fucking. Time.

[@darrylthompson7509]

Yeah. She's in a cult and im not joining.

[@Mienarrr]

shouldn‘t? why?

[@MikhaelAhava]

Badd Choyce lol

[@josakasi]

:(

[@_kimmchi_]

I knew unrequited love before any other love.

[@Orikron]

+1

[@miglezation]

same..

[@RainaAstaldo]

Kim Her same here. Mine was a school teacher, I was head over heels the moment I saw him walking down the hall towards my class as we waited. That was almost 15 years ago now and I can still remember what he wore that day.

[@peyton1254]

Same There’s a guy in my English class and he’s really smart and ambitious and kind and we kind of know each other and I asked for his number and he saw why I was doing but I said it wasn’t like that and now I feel like any feelings he might of had towards me faded because I “called it off”. This happened a few weeks ago and I feel so stupid for not being more assertive☹️

[@syedzaid5771]

Same

[@megangoldmine2494]

The greatest love story ever told happens in your imagination

[@stephaniestanley8041]

For me too. And it's enough.

[@angeleyes4502]

Megan Goldmine Truth

[@vanessaroper3028]

Megan Goldmine very true

[@fashunpuss6279]

And that is why I am writing it down :)

[@feartheghus]

Unreal fantasy is infinitely lesser than real life, especially in the case of matter as important as love.

[@mili2]

Oh how timely... right when the wound is most fresh

[@Web3Future333]

Emilia Thomson same! Literally yesterday!

[@salazars.4123]

Give it time and be strong. It shall heal.

[@jonasloth348]

Exactly the same

[@jay-leandrouchiha3369]

Emilia Thomson this was said so nicely I had to like it

[@ZERO-hy3gt]

It has been 7 months and the wound hasn't completely healed yet.

[@_previously]

It's especially hard when nearly all of your romantic endeavors have resulted in unrequited love. It's a pain I wouldn't wish on anyone and a feeling that I don't think I could ever really get used to. It sucks honestly and anyone in this predicament right now should know that there's more than one player on your team.

[@anukritiverma6211]

dumplings1997 I feel ya!

[@LostInTheMindGarden]

It just feels depressing and unfair...dont know if its worth it ultimately...

[@myperfectworld27]

I can rly relate to this. Thank you for your comment! I feel less alone now.

[@nerdinvader6740]

Thanks for your comment feel the same way

[@dontbdirtyicecream]

It’s difficult because even though you’ve been hurt too many times and feel like closing off your heart indefinitely there’s always this little sliver of hope

[@ATrueLoveOfficial]

We experience this kind of love because we hope that one day that person will realize the love that we've always had to offer.

[@magnamia]

They never do. And they probably never deserved it.

[@stephaniestanley8041]

He looked at me for several seconds without a word. Then he winked. I'll live on that thrill forever.

[@melindamills6995]

Understandable, but very funny!

[@georgiana1754]

Unrequited love also brought to life some of the best art since all the adulation was poured into these odes of idealistic love. I experience unrequited love regularly since childhood. I don't feel like acting on it at all. It's a beautiful feeling that keeps my spirit young, makes my imagination flourish and keeps me sensitive to the beauty of life. It's painful only as long I wonder whether or not to act on it but once I decide not to it's like being in love but without all the drawbacks. I often experience unrequited love for someone while I'm in a relationship with someone else. I appreciate how my daydreams reveal what I don't have enough of and help me improve my relationship. These fantasies are also a really great way to understand what kind of life I want and what kind of person I want to be at a very deep level. I even consider feeling some kind of unrequited love or admiration a sign of emotional health for me. During dark times I don't feel it because I'm overwhelmed by cynicism which makes me emotionally dry. Hopefully I will feel unrequited love at 60 as well.

[@unbr34k4bl3]

I doubt you really have unrequited love, rather unrequited infatuation. But maybe I'm wrong and you're totally different from me, because it's killing me slowly

[@georgiana1754]

They used to last years and be a source of periodic melancholy for me. However, once I acted on it and I realized how skewed my perception of that person really was. I also discovered that sometimes the price to make my fantasies reality was so big that I when they happened I enjoyed them less than when I imagined them. The truth is you can never really know a person and what dynamic you'd have together until you try. For me love is knowing someone and tenderly admire or at least accept what they are. As long as it's imagined it can only be infatuation because you're not "loving" the person, you're loving what you think that person might be like and the things you might do together. The key word here is might. I used the phrase "unrequited love" because this is how the video called it but it's more like romantic daydreaming. Love is more about the connection itself whereas these fantasizing is more about me, my wishes, my needs, my fetishes. Now I see it as something pleasant I indulge in because it gives me a special state of mind. It's almost like watching a movies except I make it my head inspired by real people and events. As I grew older and had more of them I take them less seriously but I enjoy them more and appreciate their beauty.

[@unapologeticfeminine]

What an eloquent reply. Perhaps the most eloquent reply in all of KZbin :) Your words have been honey to my ears...Sincerely I thank you! Do you write elsewhere online? I could read your writing over and over again.

[@georgiana1754]

I'm happy you feel that way. I only write to my journal and sometimes bring my tiny share to KZbin wisdom in case my comments make some people feel less lonely in their quirks.

[@Sev777en]

TJ R: you gave such a perfect compliment to Georgiana Bere and I completely agree with you

[@theschooloflifetv]

Clips from: Certain Women (2016) Summertime (1955) The Kids are All Right (2010) The Royal Wedding (BBC 2018) The Sound of Music (1965) Great Expectations (1946) Story of Adele H (1975) The Great Gatsby (2013) The Edge of Seventeen (2016) Spider-Man (2002) The Darjeeling Limited (2007) Notting Hill (1999) Drive (2011) Another Year (2010) Love Actually (2003) Brazil (1985) Scott Pilgrim vs the World (2010) Chungking Express (1994) Amelie (2001) Weekend (2011) Taxi Driver (1976) Juno (2007) Archipelago (2010) Pride and Prejudice (2005) Do the Right Thing (1989) Venus (2006) Black Mirror: Playtest (2016) Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 (2011) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) Black Mirror: Hang the DJ (2017)

[@beats127]

The School of Life Thankyou, I was about to ask

[@aureliusnt]

Could you pin this comment? 😊

[@ev4rcroft]

The School of Life Aw, thank you!

[@lovedoggo5202]

Thumbnail: Black Mirror

[@ellen3093]

which one is the frozen yogurt scene from?

[@Jeng4280]

I'm now dealing with unrequited love. Let's just say it's pure torture and hell. And it will take my. heart through the winter months to fully heal.

[@javiersds8081]

How did it go? I bet (and hope) things are better now ;)

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

Agree much more painful than a couple breakup

[@PaperMario64]

Unrequited love is terrible. It kills you slowly.

[@frederickrapp5396]

Paper Mario There is nothing more unsatisfactory or unfulfilling than loving someone who does not love you back.

[@yasiv95]

Daydreaming is certainly undervalued

[@scorpionqueen11]

Yasmin Jade how so? I believe the majority of people do it and do it as escapism.

[@joshuaery]

I agree. For me my life is so shit that I escape to my little worlds a little too much. This causes my growth as a person to stagnate but whatever im gonna die anyway

[@yasiv95]

Marian Elesha that’s exactly why. ive done it all my life to keep the emotional balance in my body, it makes me feel happy and look forward to things/daydreamed possibilities.

[@yasiv95]

Marian Elesha the reason it isnt harmful is because most people can define the difference between their daydreams and reality.

[@Davotheledge]

Indeed. Contemplation seems to be defined negatively in our time, as a 'lack of action.'

[@TheBryanbas]

I mean. Best case scenario. But it’s usually totally, irreconcilably devastating.

[@ScoutsHonor.]

I think a lot of people like me fall into the trap of thinking we can love enough for the both of us. So it seems sometimes requited love isn’t necessary until you wake up from the euphoria

[@MuitoDaora]

Unilateral love is a disease whose cure is also the cause.

[@SopanKotbagi]

Well said.

[@waterexisting9651]

What a shame, honestly i can’t understand exactly what you said.

[@csilvermyst]

박강산 unilateral love is love given with nothing in return. This kind of love causes the giver to lose themselves but can be solved if the receiver also gives unilateral love at the same time to the other person. Once it stops, the disease begins.

[@tracik1277]

Quod me nutrit me detruit x

[@vicchopin]

Desire, lust, you name it.

[@ShiruSama1]

I don't know. The way the video talks about it doesn't sound healthy either...

[@scorpionqueen11]

ShiruSama1 Yeah, it has a very forgiving tone. Which most videos on this channel do because I believe their ultimate philosophy is to accept who are you and what your circumstances are in any given moment, lest you go insane, because we are only human and things will always change. Very noble, but it doesn't change the fact that unrequited love, at least in my experience, was very toxic and delusional and just plain sad. Lol.

[@FranK-tg7ou]

Marian Elesha well i think it's fine for people to feel that way but people who feel like this to be depressed because of reality I don't agree with the video that we should only live in a fantasy but I don't think people who feel unrequited love are lowly or pathetic because they have emotions

[@thijsjong]

The video uses footage of Amelie. If you have seen this movie you know her love is as unhealthy as it gets.

[@frans7995]

@@thijsjong Its the sign of a big heart to fall in love purely for someone. No idealizing or delussion, just atraction and feeling that love, that affection, that need to hug them and hold forever, that yearning to be held and kissed by them. Maybe this pain and insatisfsction gives us a window into ourselves so that we ca see how truly human, weak, frail, impermanent, ever changing, we reslly are. Maybe the unrequited love is a blessing for us, so that we realize that maybe we need someone to be there for us in times of sickness and health, good and bad, to share life and create moments with, to bond, to have someone who understands...Before the unrequited love maybe these feelings were dulled out or in the background, supressed or unacknowledge, but the unrequited love brings this to the forefront...maybe the unrequited love lets us know that the time has come to find someone to fulfill that role and who we can fulfill that roll for, to give and recieve...maybe the unrequited love is the jolt of electricity we needed to take us out of our complaciency, to humble us through pain...maybe we should be grateful for this pain, and forgive that they dont feel the same way, and move on. Its no use idealizing, its no use turning the pain into suffering (suffering being attachment to, and feeding of, pain.) We just have to ride it out, knowing that the one for us is someone who would love us like we love them. Maybe the lesson is patience... maybe one day they can grow to love us, but by then would we have burned all bridges through our passion and delussion, our incontrollable emotions? Can we ride this out, keeping this to ourself, sharing it only with trusted people, crying on the shoulder of friends or relatives. It seemes to me that its not something that requires a confession to the unrequited love in order to move on, because its pretty clear when someone loves you back, or even likes you back, or considers you in the role of lover & companion. I hope we all get through this stronger and happier than we once were. This pain cant last for ever, that is certain. Is the pain a teacher? Is the unrequited love a blessing? I have grown to think so. But one must move on. If that relationship is of the past, if there is no future, then there is no use in feeding these emotions. Acceptance is the final emotion in this rolercoaster, and acceptance can lend peace. We need peace. I hope we can all find it. We deserve our compassion more than anything or anyone. Life is painful, life entails suffering...let us be mindfull, let us be grateful. I am certain that one day we will laugh looking back, or at the very least, feel nothing but detachment from the person we once were and the emotions and feelings which once consumed us. It will take as long as it has to take, but let us procure to not make it longer.

[@faisrush]

@@frans7995 This is really well written. Thank you! May your journey be a good one

[@rakshitdesai1920]

"There could have been so much more to life than it ever will be"

[@margaerytyrell1900]

This scares me..."please love me for who I am not the projected idealistic version of me."

[@nebularianwav]

i've been friends with her for over a decade, and when she showed her true colors and how human she really is like everyone else, weirdly enough, that was when i started to fall for her

[@sonyavincent7450]

Are you together yet?

[@joyyu7753]

"We're not getting to know the real person, we're getting an insight into our ideals."

[@collaborativelearning1]

superb takeaway, thanks for writing it down.

[@patnafs]

loved that last line: ".....a very complicated machine, constrained by the narrowness of existencem turning its wheels, tantalised by a vision of happiness, sensing quite rightly and quite hopelessly, that there could have been so much more to life than there ever really will be. "

[@tabris95]

Um no. Sorry but no. While I applaud you for trying to put a positive spin on something that can be emotionally crippling for many, unrequited love simply isn't like that. A lot of the picture painted in this video is rather unhealthy and the most factual part (about it being a humbling experience) is rather downplayed. This video seems to think that without mutual affection, we won't think about intimate problems they may have like with their family members or something more personal because we don't really know them and our love is only superficial. But when you love someone whether it's returned or not, you will care about their most intimate moments and deepest issues and it's sometimes not being able to do anything about it that makes it so agonizing. You can have all the right answers but simply not be the correct person to give them and make a difference. What this video should instead focus on is how in doing all this we tend to devalue ourselves when we should instead be giving ourselves more value for being able to care and give so much of ourselves to someone who can't return it (something that isn't easy) And it should also explain that by awarding ourselves with more value, we should learn to appreciate and care for our selves more so that we will continue to have enough love to give to that eventual person who will return that love.

[@anukritiverma6211]

tabris95 i agree with you. The picture isn’t rosy at all. It is painful and terrible. I would rather love myself than keep on loving someone who doesn’t give a darn about my existence. Sadly, I too happen to be stuck in such a desolate quagmire.

[@yidingyang2807]

I think being able to see both sides of it would be liberating for many.

[@georgiana1754]

The case you describe is the kind of invested unrequited love that I consider unhealthy. I admire that you can give so much without having it reciprocated but I also think such a situation is toxic. It can drain and wound you with long term consequences. If I was the target of your affection I would cut you off swiftly and let time and distance help you heal. The fact he/she doesn't do this for you is a pretty bad sign. They might (hopefully unconsciously) use you or be dependent on something you offer and leave you as soon as they find it somewhere else. As a stranger on KZbin I'm in a bad position to advise you but please be the wiser one and move away from that situation. You have to be responsible towards yourself and put your well-being first. As for the person you love, it would probably be better for them to treat their issues in therapy than have you play up to them. Many people consider the simple fact that someone loves them enough of an excuse to avoid healing themselves.

[@ajbtllr1530]

tabris95 This gave me such a sense of hope Thank you, sometimes we need a small mommy to snap out of the pain to see that loving yourself,is a key factor in showing love to another person :)

[@Keyur-Suthar]

So well put, I agree with you.

[@LoLeanderx]

The comment section of people sharing their experiences of unrequited love made me feel less lonely. Thank you for that.

[@MohamedAbuGazia]

This video is such a nice hug for lots of people out there.

[@remrens9624]

Nah unrequited love is too painful and useless in the end. I am done with these feelings. Being immune to love is actually liberating. More pros than cons.

[@toomuchinformation]

KRYMauL Which means you probably do.

[@applewitheveryone]

This idea of "being immune to love" sounds quite tragic. I imagine it's like taking so many emotional blows that you eventually turn numb toward that feeling...

[@anhhedwig]

One day you will fall sick again. It is human nature that we crave for affection

[@MuitoDaora]

Rem Rens Unless your are a psychopath receive and give love is a basic human necessity. Love is a emotion that can't be repressed, you're just deceiving yourself. I'm saying this because I tried to force my will and rationalization to control the way I perceive affections for years and ended into deep depression.

[@remrens9624]

@MuitoDaora It is possible with training. I haven't fallen in love since and for 6 years now. I also got over my biggest celebrity crush which lasted more than a decade

[@infinitetundra]

I wish I could stop daydreaming or even regular dreaming. It's like I'm trying to ignore her and move on, but my mind won't let me.

[@KindlingKatalyst]

Have you ever tried lucid dreaming and control techniques? Perhaps try finding a fiction and/or fantasy story to get really engaged with.

[@kedrprao]

"To love someone, who, for whatever reason, cannot return your feelings is painful. But if you listen to the poets, perhaps there's a kind of beauty to that love. It burns. Brightest...! And it's never tainted by reality or by overuse. It's clear and fierce today as it was the very first day it began. And there's beauty to that. I think....! At least that's what I cling to anyway." - A beautiful quote from movie 'Tolkein'

[@rexdxiv]

lovely... we all have found ourselves in the snares of unrequited love at some point in life; some of us have made a career out of it. Never the less, thank you for romanticizing our human condition; it lifts the burden and gives color to our frayed old love letters that got lost in the cruel postoffice of reality...

[@jes6122]

beautifully said..

[@RegalCandy]

I know the feeling. I might be addicted to it.

[@applewitheveryone]

Instantly liked this for the Waltz of the Flowers playing in the background

applewitheveryone It distracted me from the content of the video, as it is a piece I love so much

[@applewitheveryone]

Paula Sofía Contreras Same here! I kept humming the piece throughout the video that I missed out on a bunch of key points and had to backtrack several times HAHA

[@Jeneva1]

Yes ~ This beautiful piece of music made the video even more compelling for me. Perfect touch, Alain de Botton ! :)

[@SaiOku02]

I was scrolling through the entire comment section to find the name of this piece. Thank you, I really appreciate it.

[@davideassis87]

"Real Love" in a context of "romantic relationship" doesn't exists if is not shared. If only one side is "in love" this same side is in fact feeding feelings for an idea and ideal and a version of the other person who doesn't really exists outside one's head. It can really lead this same person to do terrible things "in name of love". "You only see what I want you to see. That's what you're in love with." - Art3mis But, of course... you can always feed "Love" as a general, spiritual and humane idea, the type of love that goes beyond reciprocity and that makes life in general worth to live. "Give, always give what you can... even if your allies draw lines in the sand." - Nahko

[@wendel5868]

A Nahko reference. A man of culture as well.

[@phillemon7664]

Wait Art3mis? As in from Ready Player One. Im the only person that probably loves the movie and the book.

[@candybracelets]

That first quote is spot on. Unrequited love isn't something to be cherished, it's essentially a sickness of the mind that causes you to make terrible life choices and creates a lot of pain both for yourself and the unlucky recipient of your feelings. I wish i'd known years ago how dangerous it is to fixate on an imaginary relationship, it would have saved me a lot of heart-ache. Personally I would advocate the opposite of what this video is suggesting, trying to ground your relationships in reality and see situations for what they really are is a much more healthy strategy then messing yourself up by fantasising too much.

[@Kibriana]

Hear, hear!

[@MikhaelAhava]

Davi de Assis intriguing.

[@stevepayne5965]

There is nothing, nothing, nothing to praise about unrequited love. Anybody who could even seriously consider such an idea clearly hasn't experienced it.

[@anukritiverma6211]

Steve Payne couldn’t agree more

[@KindlingKatalyst]

I'd say that the more mentally healthy a person is, the more they could accept this video as being true. However, if your general outlook and self-esteem is not good, it's more likely to be crippling, as you suggest.

[@stevepayne5965]

KindlingKatalyst Thus spake the trained and qualified psychologist ... not.

[@KindlingKatalyst]

You do know that that applies to your original comment too, right? And that not everyone experiences things the same way you do, and assuming they do shows an inexperience with, well, diverse human stories.

[@tfh5575]

so, just suffer indefinitely instead of at least trying to find a way to cope?

[@jhonMV713]

I do like the point made about letting a crush play out in your head just to see what it is that your really looking for in someone but other than that I don't know. I mean sure living out a romance in your head will look a lot nicer than a real relationship but ultimately, its accepting the mediocrity in other people that is harder to do so be careful not to turn a little indulgence into the only way you know how to feel connected to another person.

[@javiersds8081]

I've recently been rejected by a girl. I'm old enough to know that no one is flawless, and I'm aware that I might have idealised her a little bit, as we all do when we like someone we don't know well. However, it's still a bit hard to assimilate that she's just not into me. Thank you for putting things into perspective, and for showing that there are plenty of positive things to get from unrequited love. Keep up the good work!

[@ThePinkStarsGirl]

Everyone here saying unrequited love is beautiful obviously haven't experienced it every day of their lives for as long as they can remember. I'm tired, I wish I could turn the switch off, think about anything else, but I can't. Thank you for making your worst video to date and reassuring my depression.

[@kayholand_]

uau! for how long is you unrequited love exist?

[@rob_see]

how are you doing now?

[@melkerart1793]

After every one of these videos I imagine each of us viewers letting out an individual little sigh. Sometimes of regret, nostalgia, sadness...but almost always also of pleasure.

[@Felix9lives]

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, Is just to love and be loved in return" -Nat King Cole, Nature Boy

[@minshubay6740]

Feels like The School of Life knows my current problem. 😅 First time to love someone after 26 years of existence yet not reciprocated. 💔 Thanks to this video though, I now feel a bit better. 😊

[@AurorXZ]

I experienced the same at 26, last year... It gets better. ^^

[@bondsandderivatives1490]

@joan madjus Does it still pains your heart, kind stranger?

[@monam5962]

I have been hopelessly in love with the same man my whole adult life .And this video brought me to tears .

[@khushijoshi1809]

Best video so far

[@khushijoshi1809]

Abhay Sharma Achha

[@MINDSCAPE_BE]

Khushi Joshi worst

[@phasingout]

That last part was beautiful. That happy middle ground. Its the only sane place to live.

[@minashypnosis]

If anyone could make a list of all films they recognize in this footage, I would be eternally grateful. 🙏

[@junDavidHeo]

Plus the hong kong film, Chunkin express

[@Mewzyque]

The gay movie at 3:39 is WEEKEND, 2011

[@Mewzyque]

6:01 Black Mirror season 4 ep. 4 Hang the DJ

[@connorpowell2755]

2:34 is taxi driver

[@georgiana1754]

Brazil (1985) also appears multiple times. Lovely and peculiar movie!

[@Razzy_D9111]

I love how optimistic this video is, that's just how I see it, thanks for putting it out there.

[@princessgotchi]

anyone else got a weird problem where u like unrequited love and the whole pining process, but ur attraction fades once its requited?

[@subashparajuli2135]

For some inexplicable reasons I had tears in my eyes while watching this. Truly, we are insane.

[@WoodyWilliams]

Your closing statement is brilliant. IMHO one of best you've ever written. " _It's just the mind, a very complicated machine, constrained by the narrowness of existence, turning its wheels, tantalized by a vision of happiness and sensing, quite rightly and quite hopelessly, that there could've been so much more to life than there ever will be._ "

[@coraleibowitz6954]

sounds too hopeless to me. Constrained by the narrowness of existence? it doesn't have to be that way!

[@lo8eruser647]

Amazingly written, indeed.

[@fglogs6821]

Before watching this, I was anxious and nervous trying to decide whether if I should make a move on someone who I fantasize to be with and who will never love me back. But now I’m perfectly calm and won’t dismiss my dreams as silly. whatever happens happens, and if it doesn’t, it’s okay, too. Thank you school of life

[@muscratgravy]

I appreciate the effort to justify our suffering but honestly Unrequited love is a gigantic shit sandwich and I wish more than anything I could just erase all of it from my memories and I’m sure there’s many (if not all) other afflicted share that sentiment.

[@anukritiverma6211]

Chloe Loves Cats I do 🙇‍♀️

[@mrk45]

Amen sister.

[@studyly1662]

Rightly put

[@loblow462]

Dude Everytime I'm in a haze these school of life videos always bring me back. The upload timing of these videos is really magical.

[@khushijoshi1809]

I needed this since months

[@shirashiraonthefloor1]

Khushi Joshi same

[@khushijoshi1809]

rini Hope you'll get over your crush

[@aakashthakur2785]

When ones crush crushes ones emotions, this so called optimism goes down a very steep slope . something stronger--something alcoholy will do wonders----Cheers

[@shirashiraonthefloor1]

you too :( it sucks

[@khushijoshi1809]

rini Ikr. But I'm sure we'll survive this

[@seanaceleecabeso407]

the worst is falling into unrequited love consecutive times it sure makes you lose hope in everything

[@tinkerer67]

Unrequited love deprives you of love so that when you come across reciprocated love, you won't take it for granted and will cherish it more.

[@kimberlybain9143]

I bless the day I stumbled across these videos. I've been questioning my sanity and these videos validate that I am not the only one having these thoughts and that they might simply be, being human. Thank you.

[@riichobamin7612]

I would rather have the realism of requited love rather than the boundless hope of unrequited love. Boundless hope is asking for boundless pain and anguish.

[@SayItAintTso]

I agree with almost all of these comments, both positive and negative. Unrequited love is both positive and negative.

[@toomuchinformation]

It's not unrequited love, but unrequited infatuation.

[@toomuchinformation]

Zoe Mak Not in my book. Infatuation is more of an obsession. Love isn't. Love is something much deeper, richer, grounded and not prone to flights of fancy or obsessive/compulsive behaviour.

[@toomuchinformation]

Zoe Mak How can they love them? They don't really know them. They're infatuated with an illusion, nothing else. And I speak as a recovering infatuation junkie.

[@toomuchinformation]

Zoe Mak Unlikely. Unrequited love has an air of desperation and neediness about it; this is unlikely to be the case if you know someone really well. I think that a lot of it is projection and disconnection from the self as well.

[@unbr34k4bl3]

Totally agreed. I had both in my life and while both can be hell, at least with infatuation you don't really know the person, you create an idealized version of them in your mind and once you realize that you can "break the spell" so to speak. But with love, it's much much darker. If you truely know a person and love them (maybe for years) and it is unrequited (even worse if it first was there and they lost it) it certainly seems like there is no escape from this hell. For those you haven't experienced it: Imagine having your heart broken every day and you can't even put that hurt somewhere because the other person doesn't owe you their love, so you just got yourself and it eats at you, every day.

[@healthymind6107]

unbr34k4bl3 unbr34k4bl3,so truly said..I too have experienced both the scenarios.Unrequited infatuation doesn't hurt that much it's more about creating an idealized person in ur mind.But unrequited love hurts a lot.Having known the person well and loving them with whole heart for who they are but still if the love is not reciprocated and the deep feelings not understood and appreciated,,,it really kills..

[@Broaster07]

My thoughts and actions exactly. I have truly made my unrequited love into a subject of art and prose as a glimpse into a world that never will be. A Romantic Utopia.

[@TheKingdomhearts99]

I settle, love isn't necessarily for everyone.

[@vikneshmaniam5618]

Everyone deserves love

[@theserialbunny424]

ryan Love is necessary for everyone you wouldn’t grow up without your mothers love if not your mother some other woman must’ve taken her place and still if you grew up without love that person will turn into a monster

[@Nonno272]

It takes a kind of heroism to actually pursue love, doesn’t it? Because it’s so irrational

[@Winterlandzzz]

How delightful to learn that nothing is worth fretting about.. Rather learn what it is.. Why it is and how everything can serve a purpose in life if done right 🌸

[@nishibordia5137]

This was probably the most relatable video I've ever watched. Thank you for making not feel like crap for being this way.

[@XavierGuillaume]

It reminds me of Neville in Virginia Woolf's The Waves and his unrequited love for Percival. He never gets Percival, but he loves him his entire life. It is a love that is poetic and one that I admire.

[@sebastianelytron8450]

Conveniently fails to mention it is the cause of love sickness, grudges for the opposite sex, depressions, drug abuse, alcoholism, suicides and school shootings.

[@deepundertheground]

Sebastian Elytron that'd be an abnormally excessive obsession and not unrequited love

[@stevepayne5965]

Dip You say that like there's a difference.

[@daringlybad]

It's not called 'How unrequited love causes school shootings' ya fuckin weirdo

[@nickbloom6861]

Bread Dingus This^^^

[@SUPERLAME4]

Sebastian Elytron In the SoL's defense, this video was focusing on the positive aspect of unrequited love. I believe they have other videos that allude to or directly cover some of the topics you have mentioned in regards to unrequited love.

[@philosophergrrl]

I love this man and his loving scepticism. I feel so released from self blame right now.

[@rjr1967]

I think this is one of the best videos you've made. Brought tears to my eyes. Thanks.

[@cynicalcenobia]

What about the dangers of projecting unrealistic ideals onto perfect strangers?

[@gavinhudson5251]

Thanks for that. It justifies having this woman in my mind for the past 30 plus years, if only in my mind.

[@acs197]

Fantastic use of classic Hollywood film to paint a picture of what we expect love to be like. Love this channel :)

[@DonnyTrent5533]

"It is the priviledge of unrequited love never to have to encounter the disappointment that follows contact with reality." Goddamn that is the best thing I have heard all week

[@LoveAyu]

“If we really got to choose the person we love, who would be stupid enough to choose someone that never even thought about them once”

[@austinreilly1595]

I got to experience unrequited love while married to another. I got to take it a step further and indulge in it almost completely. It was wonderful- this relationship, while temporary and fleeting, was a fantasy that came to fruition. However, it went beyond the boundaries and harmed my wife, her feelings, and her self confidence. Now my mind is constantly drifting to thoughts of blissful memories with this other woman, even though it was always destined to end. I must try to appreciate it for what it was and cherish those times- while being completely present and loving to my wife as well. Easier said than done. I say the experience was worth it- because you only live once and to feel these things as a human-is imo one of the pinnacles of existence. But I hurt someone I love in the process- so I feel the guilt from that as well. One must take the highs with the lows I suppose

[@milky85ful]

Experienced unrequited love enough to make me give up putting myself out there. It's so tiring always being the one who pines for someone else, i wonder if i was ever the subject of someone else's unrequited love instead.

[@sreelakshmi_viswam]

we need to stop projecting what we actually want in ourself in our crushes

[@The-bi5ry]

What hurts the most for me is I wanted to get to know the flaws. I crave the day to day relationship with that person, even the boring and unsavory parts and now it just feels fake, even though I have all these feelings and that's just the worst thing ever. This pain that you're feeling is so real, but for others is just becaue you built an idea of the person. They don't understand that I'm not mourning what I imagined to be perfection, but the loss of imperfection and the reality that was. Its not sitting and daydreaming about the fantasy of the person, but listening to a song they suggested and in every note being reminded how you could never listen to it together.

[@mementomori6992]

He is talking about unrequited love, not emotional deprivation.

[@Trace7173]

All I have ever known is unrequited love. I'm 60 years old now and alone. I'm done searching and I'm done with life itself!

[@phuonguyenho1901]

no matter how good a picture youre trying to paint with this, and i appreciate the good intentions. unrequited love still hurts, it's hurting me

[@cicililo5370]

Wow this video makes me feel okay about being a creepy stalker :D

[@mdgsk824]

I think it's not hard to accept just being infatuated from afar but if you actually got to know the person and it made you like them more but for whatever reason you're not able to ever see them again, that's really frustrating. I've stayed infatuated that way for up to 5 years. That can't be right if you didn't even date.

[@fedeloops]

It's unrequited love as the joy of the fantasy, knowing yourself through a boundless romantic dream. I think it's good as long as it doesn't affect real life for you, if you are capable of telling your feelings from the fantasies and your feelings from reality apart. Makes sense?

[@anthonyrivas4377]

👏🏼👏🏼

[@notbornyesterday2767]

Serial unrequited lover here. Thanks for putting all of this into words that make sense!

[@georgejetson9801]

Online relationships

[@1stNlass]

Unrequited love has produced some of the best love songs ever.

[@jedics1]

I think my expectations of people are to low for me to ever do the 'love' thing again..People change and change their minds, why over invest, sure enjoy it, be kind and expect it to end at some point and perhaps it will prevent you from taking them for granted and resenting them for doing what is in everyone's nature.

[@Killzone626]

Jayme Capurso no expectations is liberating in a way.

[@TheHermitHacker]

I really need to hear this. Perhaps it came too late for me to hear, but I do faith that i'll hear from her again.

[@Horror-Man]

Kept waiting and waiting for Snape and Lily to show up and BAM!!, there they were.

[@nickmarinakis2100]

the first song is the "Waltz Of The Flowers" from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker

[@alleechance]

I see this in many areas of my life. for example If I am upset and get something from the fridge during my diet I have momentary pleasure but later I "wish [I'd] never been foolish enough to allow myself to slip". I'm hunting for soothing through distraction and avoidance that seem so approriate in the moment but neglect self-care. Unrequited love, is a symptom. It's a repetition compulsion from childhood to be loved by a parent that loved us the way they did and it just didn't measure up the way we wanted so in fantasy and arrogance pulled for more love than made sense for them to offer. For me the calling is to care for myself and care for others and be the reliable source of love and happiness that is just not possible from anything outside myself.

[@jiselaslife1800]

Very accurate, love in itself is always beautiful and is human nature so shouldn't be judged..but in the end it tends to be figments of our imagination that make life beautiful.

[@75vasso]

as i can understand, unrequited love and daydreaming are two different things. when you love someone and he doesn't love you back, it's actually really painful. daydreaming is thinking of something pleasant all the time. sometimes it happens when we think of someone we are attracted to, idealize his image, imagine how it would be to be together without caring too much what is he/she like in real life, what are his problems etc. it's like fantasizing a perfect life with a perfect partner, knowing that it will never happen.

[@christiansnaturestudio6599]

Rejections sucks

[@lexiath]

in my own experience daydreaming is the most dangerous things you can do it can inflict so much self damage when you go back to reality and realize that person is not for you and you are not going to be with her, for me what worked was distancing not just from her but from everyone, i stopped talking casual with everyone, i didnt ignore them if they say hello i greet them back etc if they wanted to have casual chat i would talk to them but i would no longer aproach to anyone to talk, started to focus on my stuff took that "lone wolf" attitude and over a week and half i was way better, all those feelings were almost gone by a month later i was cured, i still cared bout her and all but i did not feel the same extreme love for her.

[@burnpoet]

Unrequited love is a living hell! It's a lie, but with it we discover the inconvenience that we have for so long neglected to actually love ourselves. How can we love our neighbor when we hate the person we see in the mirror everyday? Unrequited love is soul-crushing slowly leading you down a path of madness. Last April I lit myself on fire. All because I loved too deeply that which only existed as an idea in my head. She was a gift. She was a curse. #unrequitedlove

[@pseudoangela]

That Snape snippet is gold

[@FerKitten]

That there could have been so much more to life than there ever really will be. What a gloomy ending. True love does exist there can be so much more to life if u so truly belueve it and know it to be urs in ur heart draw joy from it and live ur life till it finds u❤

[@LunyMilky]

Tought police, nice touch x') Also, be welcome to Portugal if you will x'j

[@gogo311]

That love damaged my mental health in the last half year and made me lose a lot.. Would I have been better off if none of it happened? Sure, maybe. But who knows, maybe only for the time being. Our mistakes can also fuel us. I have grown a lot thanks to it. Yin & Yang.

[@relv7858]

I'm in this situation for four years and im not regretting this. I'm in this for thick and thin until my feelings fade. This is my choice :')

[@thatgirl8461]

"We are at least confirmed as truly ridiculous." Lmao so true. Unrequited love has definitely made me aware of how ridiculous I am.