INFJ Guilt About Giftedness

[@LaurenSapalaINFJ]

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[@dorrainefisher687]

Instances of being bullied are also more common in INFJ's. People hate you for NO reason at all. And since you're sensitive and empathic, they mistake that for weakness and use you as a target. But INFJ's have a different kind of strength that keeps them going and it's a good thing. Having this personality type doesn't make life easy.

[@colonelgraff9198]

Giftedness comes with guilt, masking, settling and internal conflict. The task of the INFJ is to work through the side effects of our gifts to enjoy the benefits of it.

[@velvetbees]

Our neurology is different. And it's lonely when your default is side effects and you can't find other souls who get it.

[@sl3102]

A lot of people just want you to be the same as them. It's a nuisance to them if somebody's different.

[@velvetbees]

There's a lot of pressure.

[@tommyselbe1999]

Apologizing for being the brightest color in the box 😢

[@patriciawhitmore-s7n]

Wow, this is so uplifting it’s truly important to stay inspired. I feel such a deep sense of emptiness. It’s been two months since Jack left, and every day feels like an eternity without him. My mind is overwhelmed with memories of our time together. The thought that I’ll never experience the little things with him again is so painful. I’ve texted him so many times, pouring out how much I miss and want him back, but he hasn’t replied. All I can do now is hold onto the memories.

[@GloriaJ.Bronson]

It’s okay to grieve, my dear. It’s clear that you’re not just missing Jack but also the part of yourself that you shared with him. Reaching out to him like that shows how much love you still carry it takes real courage to be so vulnerable. Heartbreak is painful, but don’t lose hope. I understand how you feel. My own heartbreak was devastating sudden and brutal. It left me feeling lost and shattered. In my desperation for solace and guidance, I turned to a spiritual counselor recommended by a friend.

[@patriciawhitmore-s7n]

That sounds interesting! What exactly does the spiritual counselor do?

[@GloriaJ.Bronson]

His name is Fatherabulu, and he’s an amazing spiritual counselor who specializes in helping people reconnect with their ex

[@patriciawhitmore-s7n]

Thank you so much for the suggestion you have no idea how much this means to me.

[@prschuster]

It's really telling that women get a hostile reaction when they show that they are accomplished. It's the opposite with men who are looked down on when they don't show signs of success.

[@colonelgraff9198]

Success and accomplishment is in the eye of the beholder. Don’t look at the world through the glasses others have handed you.

[@1594simonsays]

Ok cool, imagine in general being a sensitive empathic man. It is a walking nightmare and it doesn't compare to what this woman has described

[@pinkrose4824]

When I was 15 my parents took me to a psychologist to find out why I failed to find school a meaningful experience. (I LOVED learning on my own but detested everything about school). The psych battery of tests showed a full scale IQ of 126 which is reasonably high, particularly for a 15 year old. Paradoxically, for my entire life, while people always come to me for “counseling”, guidance and solutions, they are also condescending, patronizing and often overtly put me down. It took a LONG TIME to finally stand up, clap back, and show people my strength. My success has really been the best revenge. People can really be horrible, tragically; but I have actually taken solace in the fact that I am NOT STUPID. I was a single mother for many years and recently have been trying to give back by “paying it forward” and being generous. A “frenemy” made the comment to someone else, right in front of me, that “she wants people to think she’s rich”. SO wrong and so rude. This is a common theme in my life. People who try like hell to make me keep myself SMALL, and LESS THAN. I don’t do it anymore.

[@velvetbees]

Oh yes. The people who want you small and less than. You did a great job of creating your own space. You have enough for yourself and you can invite whoever you want into it. That's a great achievement.

[@deborahwales1717]

Hurts so much! Very bad treatment my whole life.

[@Manni-lj2cy]

Sometimes, people are threatened by us, treat us poorly, and often, the result is.....we "make ourselves small". The last thing we want is for anyone to feel badly, so much so, we will become a different person, or hide aspects of ourselves for the "comfort" of another.

[@pmdaguet]

Thanks a lot for addressing this topic. It took me 57 years to realize that I was probably gifted. And now I don't know what to do with that information

[@Roltereen86]

The way I dealt with my Giftedness, I suffered throughout the 80s and 90s at home, school church and even my job. I Thank God for moving and living alone, now I'm able to express my abilities of music and arts and crafts without the nonsense of my opponents. Great Video, it definitely resonated with me.

[@Candyliz2003]

Getting the negging people out of my life has increased my productivity by leaps and bounds! And HAPPINESS resides and abides within.🤗

[@sharonfuszard8861]

Asynchronous development is actually normal in those who are gifted.

[@AussieBelle]

I had a parent who hated conceitedness so no encouraging words were ever spoken lest we became 'big-headed.' This makes it very difficult to say anything nice about myself, even if I feel it is true. My mother's voice chimes in telling me I am being conceited or arrogant. It's such a dilemma and a hard thing to get over. It requires much practice. Bragging is also considered a sin in our culture, especially with women. All this serves to keep us small. Caring less about what people think is definitely helping. I say things in a matter-of-fact way and without looking for a specific response. It's a tough gig, but practice makes perfect. Forming a healthy relationship with myself via journalling is also helping. Keep going. You can do it.

[@Thilosophocl3s]

Lol, co-workers are not your friends. You are either a boon or a barricade to their success. If it ever came down to deciding between their livelihood or yours, they'll always choose themselves. In a professional environment I would choose myself too. Lol... I do my best to downplay the "gifts" or perception of them because I don't want to talk about what I haven't done or accomplished with my life. That kind of talk brings a lot of shame. But also "HOW AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT SEES THIS!!" is a thought that plagues me almost daily. That kind of stuff makes me question myself and kills my confidence.

[@jjjjk1241]

“How am I the only one that sees this?!” I bet I said that to myself 50 times today!!

[@hollybigelow5337]

I have definitely had experiences with co-workers who are not my friends, but I have also had co-workers who are amazing friends. If I were to boil this down to one concept, it would be what Adam Grant talks about in the book “Give and Take.” Basically, although it’s a spectrum and can also be context dependent, most people can be divided into three categories - Givers, Matchers, and Takers. I have worked with Takers who are willing to throw me under the bus without batting an eye if it has a chance of furthering their career even a little bit. I have worked with Matchers who basically are the world’s referees. If they see you as a good, generous person they will genuinely help you out, but they also expect you to help them out in return. If you do them a favor, they even over backwards to repay the favor. If they do you a favor and you don’t reciprocate, they will bend over backwards to get even. And if they see Employee A constantly taking from Employee B and Employee B constantly bring generous they may eventually get into protective mode and do what they can to take Employee A out and help Employee B. Basically, when Matchers are desperate and threatened they may throw everyone else under the bus to survive, and they won’t feel guilty about it because they figure all people are Matchers and all people have the right and responsibility to look after their own survival when the chips are down, but as long as they aren’t desperate and they see another employee as deserving of support, they can be EXTREMELY generous. I have worked with Matchers. And Givers basically give because that is who they are. Often, they have faith that the Universe will eventually reward them for giving, so they don’t worry about getting rewarded. If a Giver sees that they made a difference in someone’s life or fixed a problem, etc., just knowing they added value and were helpful is enough to make Giving worth it. I have also worked with Givers. Spoiler alert for the book: when ranking people from most successful to least successful in almost any endeavors, the people at the bottom almost all come from the same group. They are almost all Givers. The people at the top also almost all come from the same group. That group is also Givers. And part of the reason Givers often end up at the top is because the Matchers trust them and reward them with success. About 60% of the population are Matchers, about 20% are Givers, and about 20% are Takers. Takers may rise quickly in an organization, but they also tend to fall quickly as well. It’s only the Givers who can stay on top, partly because fewer people resent them for being there, and partly because when a Giver is on top they always make sure EVERYONE wins. The workplace absolutely is not a zero sum game. It doesn’t require one person to lose for another person to win. In fact, it’s usually the opposite. The better your coworkers do, the healthier the company, and when the company is healthy they are more likely to be able to do things like afford to give EVERYONE raises. It’s true some employees see it as a zero sum game, and it is wise to be careful around those employees, but plenty of employees recognize that’s not actually true and are capable of being great friends and mentors and teammates and references for future jobs when it’s time to move on to the next challenge.

[@1594simonsays]

Whatever, people make it unbearable to work with them. They are always looking for something to use against you, I don't do this

[@KaiRiver-fe3do]

4:15 as a neurodivergent INFJ who was in school in the 2000’s, I was constantly labeled by my teachers as a “bright underachiever, that I could do so much if only I applied myself”. Thank god things are changing now how we view how different brains work & how unique neurospicy people are!

[@andybearvlog6140]

Everything in this vid has hit the mark for me. I feel very alone being an INFJ. Its so hard to make friends. Does any other INFJ's feels this way?

[@KingDomsKingdom85]

100% mate. I also struggle to make new friends due to my introspective nature, even whilst out in public settings.

[@minnae.1747]

I find it easy to talk to people but hard to actually make friends. There is the surface level stuff that doesn't meet the deep level. I don't truly trust people anyways. I'm INFP but everything in these videos resonate.

[@wren3347]

It's hard for me to find people I'd want to be friends with. Aquaintances are a different story because the word friend is sacred to me. I like deep meaningful conversations with people who really listen and that's hard to find.

[@don-eb3fj]

Every day for 58 years. It's not about a drive for popularity or even admiration, those seem more burdensome than anything and attract the type of shallow, self-serving "friends in need" that we're already all too familiar with; why would anyone want that? I never did, and it isn't from a dislike of people so much as meeting few people that I actually like and who offer the capacity to form the kind of meaningful connection that overcomes all the reasons for staying invisible. It seems to get even more difficult with age, maybe that's a symptom of cultural decline or a result of too many examples of being misunderstood and unappreciated for the effort and the motive, the sky falling, extinghishing hope and desire, washing away the memory that they ever were, and any ability to offer whatever gift might have been. I hope I'm the extremely rare case with this perspective, but the more familiar I become with other INFJ's experiences, the less I think so. Maybe we should all just chip in for an island? 🤷‍♂️

[@andybearvlog6140]

@@don-eb3fj I totally agree for the Island. Wouldn't it be fab? I am getting more comfortable with the fact that I might just need my own company. I mourned at this thought but just trying to make my life fab by my self. Very sad I know but what else can I do? I can't force people to be my friend? Or hang out with people that do some talk all the time, I would rather die before I let that happen. I don't consider myself to be intelligent but why can't we talk more than just football or soccer? Is it really that hard to talk about something else? This simple question baffles me. I love to get to know people, the deep side of people really interests me but when I talk to people, they seem quite shallow and uninterested to find out about your life. I can't explain how hard it is to feel like you don't belong and that people just don't get you. I often think that I would love to live in the mountains isolated, with my stereo, a good TV and just chill. The paradox is that I would still feel lonely longing for some connection. I am trying to read a lot more now for things that interest me, that have some deeper meaning to understand people. The more I study, the more I find it so interesting that people are so complex but we seem to just function just at a mere superficial level. I want to live in a world that we all rise to a higher way of thinking and coming together for the common good rather than the lowest form of manipulation. Where are all my fellow aliens out there lol?

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

I feel guilty about not doing enough. I feel like i could be great buti don't know what to do or how to do it. And i feel out of place when i do better than others. I hate the conflict and hate/jealousy involved

[@di_decaire]

Make a safe space and write, draw paint and do this positively just for yourself. You are worthy.

[@yehiaelharmiel]

Every video of yours is sooo trueee!!!! Better than anyone explaining it anywhere else!! Thank God for letting me find your channel. Thank you so much and keep going please.

[@hetoriaansverbond5944]

Good video! Not to sound arrogant, but: if a friend is jealous of your gift, then he or she is not a friend in the first place. Never let anyone make you feel less good because of their jealousy.

[@SideB1984]

Ohhh yeah I definitely have a spiky profile. Always being over or underestimated.

[@loisthiessen9134]

"playing small to keep the harmony"..so true of how I've lived my life. This is very helpful.. a big-picture explanation in a simple phrase, which I want to remember in fully accepting my giftedness. Thank you.

[@limadamata8883]

I suffer with this.

[@YODHANNAFELIPE]

Omg… The playing small… so true 😢

[@oldflowertender]

Spot on. In my case I was actually pulled into experimental accelerated classes in the 60s and 70s but they were not created to help, they ended up alienating us frm our peers and made high schhol with them worse, because there were no special classes there for us. My guilt level, addressed through therapy never touched base on the giftedness guilt but oh, oh was that a big issue. Im an artist, natural academic and even have some gifts that might seem on the supernatural level, such as reading people and thatbreally makes people uncomfortable. I simple make people uncomfortable when ever I am myself. I always have the reins on to a degree. Friends,mother, coworkers, inlaws, even a spouse has commented negatively when I've done well at something. It is isolating. Now that I'm older I allow my natural gifts to shine more. Sometimes it's easier to shine among strangers.

[@ZeddicusAWR]

I really enjoy your content. I had once thought I was INFP, but the shut the door mechanism I use on so many things, and people, in my life made me revise that to INFJ. I also think a lot about things from different angles, and tend to find myself siding both against, and for, both opposing and defending parties… both sides being equal and all, yet that frustrates me. I also hate my emparhy, and wish I wasn’t so easily able to fit into other’s shoes… sometimes I just want to be mad at someone, and not dwell on the ways maybe I misunderstood them, or they misunderstood me. 🤯

[@saramariasdotter3681]

Very recognizibel!

[@MajellaGrows]

I’m the exact same way! Thought I was INFP but INFJ fits more now.

[@HeyokaTwin1111]

When I was a child, I was diagnosed as gifted and offered a special program for gifted kids. I didn't go because of that feeling. I already felt like an outcast, and I didn't want the label. My mother says I chose mediocrity to this day. Now, at 43, I identify as an INFJ Heyoka Empath with pride. That's who I am. That's what I do. I own my gifts and use them daily to benefit the greater good and the collective consciousness. Many blessings, love, and light. 🙏❤️‍🔥✨️🪽

[@billyb4790]

I totally get that feeling. I’m glad to hear others share that experience because I always felt crazy because of it.

[@cartermusic2020]

I’m accepting my “giftedness” for the first time at 35. My therapist had to tell me - I had no idea. She’s an infp :)

[@mattb1568]

The amount of times I said out loud “YES”. You are by far my favorite infj KZbinr, you talk about stuff no one else does! Thank you!!!!

[@Lina_1517]

You wouldn't believe this, but one of the strangest things that I apparently do which people get threatened by is my "focus" during lectures and presentations 😂 like, I'd be sitting in a lecture minding my own business and people would come to me and ask stuff about it later saying things like, 'yeah because you looked so intensely focused on the topic!', or 'you must get good grades because of how much you concentrate during lectures'!So if people are that threatened by my subconscious habits, you can forget about me telling or showing them my real talents.. I think of them as personal private, hobbies, so to speak.

[@violetalar5387]

I got some of this as well when I was younger. I liked to focus and listen to the teacher. I never enjoyed talking with my classmates during lectures, and somehow it was considered weird and unnatural, even by the teacher. I realize I'm the same at work in the present. I don't like small talk during my shifts. I just focus on my work, and apparently that makes me antisocial, even when I have no problems with chatting with my colleages before or after shifts. Strange world where everything we just are is considered weird.

[@Lina_1517]

@@violetalar5387 Yes, exactly. Me, too, in my former career as a lab tech. Whenever I show interest in a piece of machinery, like, you can feel it that there are always those who consider that some kind of competition or trying to climb up their hierarchy or whatever 😂 we don't even try anything and this happens, imagine if we did try! Weird world, indeed..

[@billyb4790]

People always thought I was smart even though I never got good grades.

[@pinnacle1717]

INFJ first world problem. Oh - Life’s so difficult when you are so good at everything! 🤣

[@annharper8342]

We label far too often. As a child I was told you are "shy, read too much, blunt or tactless, and difficult " this from teachers and my adults. I read the colliers encyclopedia out of boredom. Today, I am mostly recovered and work on being myself. But labels , are killers, especially based on personal definitions.

[@joybird5495]

This occurred with a person in a work group I’m in. In two meetings recently she has attacked my ideas without anything better to offer. I found myself playing small trying to give her a way to save face. It was very awkward.

[@hollybigelow5337]

I was having a discussion with someone talking about human needs and specifically the need for significance. I definitely don’t judge anyone who has a need for significance, and I’m sure in some way I have one, too. But the other person said they had a huge need for significance, and I said in most cases I actually prefer NOT to be significant. They asked me why, and without even thinking about it I blurted out, “Because being significant puts a target on your back.” It’s funny how blunt and accurate that knee-jerk reaction can be sometimes.

[@karobarsamian]

Could you do a video on INFJs who feel anything but gifted? Is that another form of holding yourself back? I've definitely been more on the struggling end of the spectrum.

[@billyb4790]

Same here. I’ve accomplished a good deal of things but I feel like my only gift had been forging my own path because I suck at everything else in life 🤷‍♂️

[@renosance8941]

LOL seems like such an arrogant problem to have, but its real 😅

[@lilakilonen5663]

it is isn't it? 😂

[@jennifergraham5615]

It sounds like an arrogant problem to have and I have to keep that in mind at all times. I used to run to people and complain and they say it must be nice to get so much attention. That was in the beginning before I knew people were surrounding themselves around me because I had lots to offer. I can do math and special stuff. We don’t really fit in one box. Sorry listening to the video while responding. I learned that were rare and to pay attention to where our energy goes…. Like bypass sharing with people who are going to take your focus off you’re goals. I’m still listening to the video. She’s saying what I was thinking about. Good video! Good timing! We do have some major challenges but nothing we can’t overcome or haven’t been able to overcome.

[@brianhales1416]

Unfortunately, I'm more than familiar with these sorts as to say I'm honestly content with being a hermit is an understatement. Before I came to realize why I was different and fitting in, it wasn't something that I was good at. However, not for lack of trying as I was desperate to fit in, to be a part of something, anything that resembled my ideas of a family type relationship amongst friends. Growing up in a single parent household wasn't all that easy for ma, sis, and me. Ma worked, and her drunken boyfriend didn't, in turn, left me whimpering at the window, praying for ma to come home. It eventually had gotten to where I'd no sooner run the streets than to head home after school. And school was no better having been the odd one out for what they considered normal as to make me feel I was farthest from it and being weird had my name written all over it. Imagine a boy then being told more often than not that you're too sensitive. My past once was fraught with mysteries upon numerous occasions as to how I felt a room as if the room were me and how I had to vacate lest I'll be sick awestruck to doubt myself to keep from believing such happenings just aren't for the sake of wanting to fit within notions of being normal as once opposed to being kept out for answers having failed questions relative to how I knew more than expected of anyone having done the research. Nonetheless, the sorts of friends that would give me the time day weren't friends at all as only to remind me if it weren't for them, I wouldn't have any friends at all as only to remind me of how others see me as unpredictable and too quiet And so as only to be reminded of how lucky I am to have zoo keepers for friends. I've been kept down and exploited in more ways than one desperately clinging to thoughts of a family structure built from love and understanding loyalty amongst friendship so much for dreams as much as it was a nightmare, I woke to. To share this is not to express that I am still lugging this about my steps as that I've long since released those mental shackles through the use of keys forgiveness derived from each link reflected sense as to realize after each a valued lesson connected accounting for less of a hold on considerations whereas no more chains to bear in mind free of foreign restraints

[@di_decaire]

All this but was lucky to have a great progressive school system and some teachers who were excited by my love of deep thinking and translation of subjects. Lots of abuse by family, etc. too but have to rise above it. Don't waste your mind.

[@slimsloth243]

This is really good stuff from Lauren. I'm 70 and retired now. For me, this video is just an opportunity for reflection. But my advice for younger people people watching this video -- listen to her -- go with your gifts. If it seems easy, roll with it. Don't waste efforts trying to master stuff that is not intuitive for you. Your intuition is your gift - forcing around that is just going to be stressful. I say this from experience. Also, Lauren is on point that people will be intimidated when you show off your stuff. But also, others will be impressed. Don't let small minds ruin your mood. Time will always deal with your enemies - you can wait them out.

[@360relations]

Thank you for this. It brought up tears. Because of personal work I have been doing I have finally been able to accept this. Watched it 3 times : )

[@SueEllenSmith-ju4ot]

This is informative. Trying to stay focused and productive because building me. The world is tough, threatening. Although pushing through this with chin up elbows back. With God, fearsome power. ❤️‍🩹☮️

[@CarterSams]

Wow I feel so known right now. This is nice. Thank you.

[@airam-sj2172]

I totally agree with you. We as INFJs are not superior in any shape or form. I can't stand those channels that are biased about us.

[@di_decaire]

Oh, so many people covet the talent and emotional, psychological acuity. It is a wonderful gift. It's just not their gift. A world of INFJ's would be very off kilter indeed.🎇

[@tpwdtest]

I’m still scared and embarrassed by my gifts, generally. However, I recently let some musical gifts escape that nobody that’s known me for 53 years even knew existed. You don’t have to lose your gifts, even if they only shine inwardly for a time. Don’t let the lights go out. It’s your time to shine now. Please begin. The world needs all of your gifts NOW. Be brave. I’m here for you.

[@jenismith5429]

When I notice a deficit, I work on it. We don't have to be one way or another. Our ability to constantly grow is a gift.

[@Justice-tk3dr]

It's weird that the artsy thing seems to be common because, I am NOT artistic (drawing, painting)!! I'm actually good at the things you said we may not be good at. My degree is in math, I was very athletic, I hated history but I LOVE it now. My artistic side would be music and singing. Building, mechanics, and remodeling are things I've always enjoyed. Home depot is my favorite store!! I do love reading and I've written in the past but I'm not sure I would enjoy writing a book. Is this typical?

[@don-eb3fj]

Probably not typical, but certainly possible with the right combination of (wrong) conditions in early childhood, and they don't necessarily have to be overt, just early and often. I often question my INFJ card for similar reasons and often tack on (provisional) even though I have tested and identify best with the cognitive functions than with any other type. In my case, I think my Fe was so exploited/parentified and my trust in my early environment were such that I didn't have the luxury or encouragement to develop creativity in the usual way, and ended up channeling it into more pragmatic interests for survival. I also suspect neuro-atypicality/autism and self-identify as schizoid, so those would be factors that would affect expression of creativity. I've been self-employed as a residential builder/remodeler for over 30 years, largely because I'm virtually unemployable in the usual settings (and the home improvement store is my favorite also, at least the one I visit most often, by default). I only started learning about MBTI and psychology in recent years due to other priorities, lack of exposure, etc., but as I learn more and interact (very limited) with people online I identify with, I find that I'm slowly rediscovering some of my more creative aspects that were set aside in childhood, and have developed some interest and found some talent for writing, when conditions are favorable and I have the energy and attention span available, and another INFJ more knowledgeable of typing that I correspond with recognized the themes and style of my writing as characteristic of the type, so that's additional confirmation. Perhaps the key thing to remember is that MBTI isn't really a PERSONALITY model, there are many factors that affect how an individual presents to the outside world- what MBTI IS is a model of cognitive functioning preferences pre-wired at birth that are the operating system version of the mind and determines the INTERNAL processes we employ to understand and interact with the inner and outer worlds, so an understanding of your processes is the only way to truly know or fully develop your type. I hope that helps answer your question and settle your doubts, and if you're an INFJ who enjoys the creative process of building/remodeling (I think it's an Ni thing with me, maybe with you too) - measure twice, cut once, and hammer on. (Just not on your thumb ;) )

[@jahayrac8636]

My son is gifted and has ADD. In doing research on ADD I happened upon what giftedness looks like in youths through adulthood. I saw A LOT of myself in the examples. I kept thinking, no, no, not me, I don't need to be another kind of special. That's just gonna make me look vain or egotistical. I see now, I was downplaying my giftedness. When I first learned about MBTI, my boyfriend, now husband, tested me through the book he got from a coworker. I actually scored as an INTJ, the "mastermind." I remember feeling anxious about it because he was the one who just became an engineer, and I had yet to finish college. He didn't score as the "intellectual" kind and I could see him ruminate and we downplayed the book a bit. "It's just for fun, anyway." "Ooh, I'm a mastermind, bwa has ha!" I could feel us both thinking, "Shouldn't he be the "smart" type?" I downplayed it too but owned my honest answers because they just made sense to me and I didn't see how anyone couldn't. Intuitively though, I could feel his discomfort. Fwiw, it's possible I was overly logical then and that's why I scored higher as a T rather than an F. I remember that at that time I was stressed and in the middle of removing people who tried to dim my light and just use me. I was very logical and action oriented. Intuitively I already knew what needed to be done, and I didn't need to feel anymore. I just needed people to get out of my way and let me be me. I needed less planning and more actions. Within a year or two after a hard life of that thinking I realized that I was pushing against something that didn't feel right to me, deeply. I was denying a connection to myself and it wasn't until I learned to do intuitive work and reconnected with my internal self that I finally started to thrive. I mention this because the summer before I learned of my son's needs (nearly 15 years later) I retook the test online after encouragement from a friend and I scored as an INFJ. It felt honest and more true to me then. But learning about adult giftedness, then, I just couldn't accept that I could be both. INFJ absolutely. Gifted? I screwed up college and graduated WAY late. How is THAT gifted? But recently I've come to realize that I'm dimming my light for other's sake yet again. Because I'm afraid I'm too much for them despite knowing that in sharing my light it "gives others permission to do the same." That in acknowledging my light I'll have to leave people behind if they can't handle it. So I still didn't think I was gifted; I sadly have people around me that would tell me I'm not enough because I'm doing too much in all the "wrong" places. But hearing your explanation and connecting it all (including that I'm likely neurodivergent) has been incredibly validating. I immediately borrowed The Gifted Adult as an ebook and the first page alone made me feel both seen and heard. Thank you for your video. It's been illuminating.

[@twisted_seraph]

I very much relate to this and most of my life when I do something with another I usually surpass them in a few months or a year and then they just give up. So I am stuck doing it all on my own and my own progress. It's discouraging, because I wanna have someone to do these things with to get feedback and help but I end up helping them.

[@sersnuggles7697]

I'm building a whole fantasy world and it's my gift and purpose to make these characters and cultures. I can't wait to write and finish it. Ever since I figured out I'm infj and delve introspectively, I feel awoken to what I want in this life , finding it is truly the fire that start our engines to do incredible good and impact people deeply

[@sersnuggles7697]

When I write I don't hold back and oh boy I can't wait to make people bawl their eyes out and get an asthma attack from the intensity

[@jojoqueenofswords932]

I excelled at sport at school and am definitely an INFJ. My friends who are avid readers are INFPs. They are astonishingly quick at reading and picking up new information. I am very slow at reading, but very kinaesthetic. I think INFJs and INFPs are pretty different but get on really well.

[@slickandslaycious6579]

Giftedness can also induce survivors guilt because how much these abilities can change one’s life outcomes

[@howaboutno2023]

Great vid! Thanks for reminding me not to dim my light🙏🏾

[@anneheerdt8701]

oh this is so timely, and it really affects my son as well. I have had no clue about things I have said and then realized I ended up paying a price. I decided to not 'dumb down' my language a few years ago, I use accurate language but adapt for people who really need it (such as English not being their first language). Still have a lot to deal with from all this in my 50's

[@johnmichaelrichards]

I excelled in Physics, Chemistry and Biology but was constrained by lesser command of Pure Mathematics.

[@KingDomsKingdom85]

Exactly the same as myself, mate.

[@tommyselbe1999]

Jeopardy 😅 pissed them off 😅

[@CHSN-1]

Being gifted will invite the attacks. Its insane. My narcissistic dad got jealous of me because I was good at baseball. My entire life he would try to mess with me because he saw I was gonna go pro at a really early age. Then when I ended up going pro my whole family turned on me. Now every dude I meet that finds out I was good at baseball starts competing with me immediately.

[@theresadutcher4750]

This was actually helpful for my current situation. It is a weird process to acknowledge abilities and not hide them anymore. Over the last few months I felt like there is a dragon inside who uncurls and finally spreads its wings...

[@fazzaustralia8932]

So spot on. I experienced all of this growing up.

[@user-sz9pz2bt4f]

You are so right. I hated high school but loved college.

[@RisingRemnantOfEphraim]

Here's a story about a once gifted INFJ, he was told he was a genius as a child and intellectually gifted, and the stubborn INFJ spent the next 8 years in school trying to prove he wasn't. 30 years later in a dead end job..I guess he showed them lol.

[@Justice-tk3dr]

Never too late!! I did the same thing and went back to college and got my degree at 40.

[@hazel_basil7415]

I have never heard a more relatable channel, thank you

[@drew67gmdrm72]

it can also be a superiority complex

[@icesisblack9383]

Ohh my goodness!! You have single handedly described my whole life in 10 minutes😊

[@alanadorris1274]

I so resonate with this. I am INFJ but not sure I'm smart enough to be gifted. I just got diagnosed as Autistic and ADHD in my mid 30s.

[@mikistrawberri]

They actually put me in those special classes when I use to go to school (late 90's to almost late 2000's). But, I was also able to take normal classes (especially if it was reading, something that was/is my strength.) I still don't know which MBTI type i'm, but I usually get INFJ or INFP. Edited: I meant to say mid-90s lol

[@SideB1984]

I was in TAG talented and gifted classes in the 90s and it woulda been nice to get an autism diagnosis then instead of at 36 but I’m female so yeah. 😅

[@pinnacle1717]

You do know you can actually just edit the text you have written right?

[@sittingstill3578]

Linda Silverman has some great videos on giftedness.

[@neasahayes6044]

I love your way of explaining things.

[@tressaverde]

This was something that made so much sense to me.

[@donald9469]

How do you see into my soul wow I wish I could talk to you I'm not gifted in the the ways that you spoke of I don't like even mentioning how ,where, and how broad and deep my gifts are became it really bothers me because I feel like it sounds arrogant to talk about which makes me bottle it up yes if I try to suppress and not use any gifts it drives me crazy and things get a lot worse I wish I could talk to you knowing myself and how I am treated I could imagine an INFJ female could really have it rough

[@eliseta4232]

it's so funny that many channels on KZbin I've been following throughout the years are talking just now about actually being gifted themselves or discussing the gifted topic. I got an evaluation as gifted couple of years ago (I'm also INFP and dyslexic) and discovered how many of the people I look up to or connect with are indeed also like me. Lots of love.

[@stevedavenport1202]

Well, I agree that most INFs are neuro divergent in the sense that we tend the think outside the box. However, in my observation, we fall along the same standard IQ curve as the rest of the population. Most of us are just average.

[@selinkeskinart]

Like how can you know my deepest issues I have in my life? Wow, I wouldn't think that all of this is because of being INFJ. I mean I was searching all the psychological "problems" I face on KZbin all this time, and your channel is like concentrated library version for all of them without need to search one by one! I don't know how to thank you enough, you really cleared up many things in my heart and head 🧡 thank you 🌸

[@gingerbreadzak]

00:05 🎁 INFJs often feel guilt about their giftedness, which can significantly impact their lives. 00:32 🤔 Being gifted doesn't mean being superior to others but thinking in a unique, expansive way and having different needs. 03:16 📚 Gifted individuals may not excel in traditional school settings and can have diverse learning styles. 04:27 💡 INFJs and INFPs are often gifted but may focus on their areas of lack, leading to self-deprecation. 06:13 🌟 Other people's reactions to INFJs' and INFPs' gifts can be threatening, leading to a tendency to downplay their abilities. 08:05 😰 Revealing one's giftedness may lead to negative reactions, making INFJs and INFPs withdraw and play small. 11:44 🚶‍♂ Moving away from people threatened by your gifts is essential for self-actualization. 13:08 🌟 Embrace your natural gifts, even if they come easily to you; it's an indicator of your true talents. 17:14 📖 Recommended book for exploring giftedness: "The Gifted Adult" by Mary Elaine Jacobson. Sign up for the newsletter for more resources and information.

[@namez2a]

There are are a few 2E schools popping up now (gifted and nurodivergent) and more research too that Ill be looking into. On that note as a 2E adult I feel homeless in academics and professionally becuse I make so many connections acrosss diciplines and industries. Its not like job listing are looking to hire according to a set of gifts specific to a particular person.

[@dstinnettmusic]

I wouldn’t call it guilt, just a sincere wish that I was “normal” Every space I enter, people say I’m special and I’m going to do great things, if I just weren’t so sensitive.

[@CarterSams]

Do NOT throw a ball at me I swear. Why would anyone ever do such a thing?! 😂😅🤭

[@Saturnseminary]

Love this one. I came across twice exceptionals (gifted but also with a learning difficulty) many years ago and so much made sense in my own life, like i found my tribe. Its such a shame these unique gifts aren't acknowledged, or looked for, in the UK like they are in the US

[@1594simonsays]

It's not much better across the pond unfortunately

[@sueaug74]

Great Info!!👌😍Spot on 🎯Loved This to the Max!!Thank you so very much Ms.Lauren💜🤟💜 happy to be an INFJ👌😉❤️ You are Awesome 🎉

[@A_22398]

this video resonated with me.

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

Do you do one on one coaching?

[@jillmarieweingarten3048]

Thank. You. ❤

[@johnmichaelrichards]

I read slow but write very quickly.

[@slickandslaycious6579]

Giftedness can also create survivors guilt because of how these abilities can drastically change one’s life outcomes

[@tabomwangelwa4150]

Thank you Lauren

[@Bigtooth-Forest]

This describes Introverted Intuitive folks in general. INTP here and we feel the same more or less.

[@oliviathatcher1459]

Thank you. Very affirming.

[@TruePathLiving]

Yes. This is why i never believed i gifted. But i was always good at Art and Analysis. I went into data science and art.... I'm good at writing too. And advocacy. I always cared about social issues. Was an SJW before it was a thing.

[@gogojojo2718]

This sounds a lot like the autism spectrum. Im INFJ but I've been seeing lots of videos online about people being infj & autistic so im wondering if in like that too

[@Verdeoxid]

Thank you ✨

[@amrutak4945]

Thank you for this video ❤️ Got a lot of answers.

[@mangledtapes]

Thank you

[@Benjaminsmallwood]

Abandoned at birth, left school, ( gifted program) and home at 16, married a ( state diagnosed) psychopath, single parent, ex wife abduucts our youngest, tries to have me killed, religious conversion, visions and strong encounters with God, artist,poet, hard labor as stone mason 35 years, read,dream,envision, all topics interest me,can't STAND meaningless talk and actions, dont like fake anything....empathy, compassion, relationships,...much wounding...still at it. I see everything at once...in a glance...guides my life...taking care of aging father ( adopted me at 2) now..said 2 days ago wanted to club me in the head to get his car keys back...I keep going and am single...lol. .what a life!

[@6193derek]

Unfortunately move nt away from those who are threatened, is never an option, because everywhere I go there is always a whole new crop of what you call threatened individuals, and those I prefer to call assholes,. It’s impossible to get away from them.

[@steppentofortune7934]

You have to channel your energy into caring more about what you think versus what they think. People will admire you secretly for it. Some may even tell you to your face…

[@suesteig3025]

❤

[@naamanpratt]

✔

[@cinderling5472]

Yeah i feel like everyone is gifted, but me 😂🤣 still waiting for my gifts to uhh appear

[@DB-rr1eo]

I am gifted. I am not supposed to be humble. How am I to emotionally and socially accept that I'm gifted? That kind of goes against being who we are.

[@saraschemmel]

You are describing an ISTJ aspiring with their Ne inferior while utilizing their Te parent to synthesize all the information. Ne is expansive in thought and is trans-contextual in their thinking creating and seeing connections between non-linear information. INFJs can be very linear and narrow in their thinking. Our Ti child uses conditional thinking which is related to cause and effect in a linear fashion and is very good at mathematics and linguistics. Ti critic will be critical of themselves about these things and think they aren’t good at math and language. You are describing yourself as an INFJ because of stereotypes which are false pattern recognition.

[@erikabrinton984]

ISFP who resonates lol..

[@karieification]

I will wager the learning style of most INFJs is “visual-spatial learner.” You can look that up.

[@itsHeatherKay]

I wrote a story in grade 8 and got in trouble with the teacher for plagiarism. She couldn’t fathom that a kid my age would understand what the atomic bomb that hit Hiroshima would have felt like for a Japanese farmer and his daughter. I had studied the subject in depth. I don’t know why. So I wrote about it. And was punished.

[@johnnycapps472]

Why is there only a small amount of men INFJ.