INSANE Catan.

[@Valefisk]

Use my link wo.ws/3DOT1Di and new players will receive 1,500,000 credits, 7 days of premium, one port slot, and 500 Doubloons!

[@endless_sands]

Ok but what's the sauce for the sheep pic?

[@JastwatchingYT]

Collab with Magic the Noah, two twisted minds might create one normal one.

[@Willdroyd]

valefisk the telegram bots have come after you

[@joshstraub6972]

This was truly insane Catan

[@codycombs8590]

Play Communist monopoly.

[@thespiffingbrit]

when are we getting a connect 4* video *4 hundred

[@donpollo3154]

This is unironically something I wanna see

[@side-beeetaloniswolfwolfac4179]

That would quickly become a bastardized and lobotimized minesweeper.

[@Michael-dj6pd]

I hope it includes a great war scenario

[@xdarin_]

NO *_NONONONO_*

[@ultimaterecoil1136]

This is such a simple spell but quite unwinnable

[@rrrrCas]

This reminds me of a game of Catan in which my sister would not trade any sheep as she found them cute, essentially crashing the market

[@PointsofData]

Based sister tbh

[@olasham5113]

especially in the cursed version

[@mcfarofinha134]

@@olasham5113 different kinda cute

[@Boypower2566]

Oh my gosh

[@Titanblade17]

My sister did this too, the problem was that everyone else had sheep too so we made her pay exorbitant prices to buy more.

[@Valefisk]

Small Correction: In Vanilla Catan you need 10 VPs to win, not 13 :)

[@catman404]

How dare you heart your own comment

[@teaflavouredcoffee83]

balls

[@donpollo3154]

@@teaflavouredcoffee83 my balls

[@ryangosling239]

if you have 7 cards, you shouldn't remove the half actually (13:34 for example) @Valefisk

[@ducky_y_]

Why did you decide to play on a small map?

[@azzorwrath7686]

I’m glad to see that a sheep empire always forms no matter how much the game changes

[@zarnox3071]

Now I'm wondering if there's a cursed version of Squatter.

[@secondlieutenan]

Bro the first time I played a made a brick empire cuz I just kept a stealing it 😭

[@maxdean9205]

"We won the great war! Back to normal Catan" what an odd sentence

[@knightofficer]

I mean that's kinda what they tried to do IRL, is like "our massive game of empires and squabbling for resources has resulted in an ungodly level of bloodletting and global devastation. Now that that's out of the way it's time to go back to business as usual and assume history has ended, and nothing bad will ever happen again!"

[@juanowo]

average european

[@des4929]

@@knightofficerand then something bad happened

[@maivioz]

What a totally normal and fun Game of Catan that was. :)

[@snorp6781]

What a totally normal and fun Game of Catan that wasn't :)

[@Grassman666]

For the love of god stop trusting vale

[@trygveplaustrum4634]

Hey, I found the word "gullible" at the 3:50 mark, Maivi!

[@goodguykonrad3701]

I feel like you guys could still restart that game from the beginning though

[@ιθκ-κ4ο]

important question what is the worst german state

[@chasewilson3693]

Vale now has to use spies to bait his """"friends"""" into playing his torture games. Its fantastic that its getting to the point where everyone vale knows is going to need a counter spy agency to verify every action they make to avoid Vales schemes.

[@bulgarin786]

He might as well turn it into a torture social deduction "board game"

[@ladywaffle2210]

VBVH - "Valefisk Boardgame Volunteer Hunters" AVBBI - "Anti-Valefisk Boardgame Bureau of Intelligence"

[@benkersten1705]

Vale’s gotta invest in shell companies to attack the public now.

[@Bloodlyshiva]

""""friends"""" I can only hear this as Palpatine saying it in The Force Unleashed.

[@AChamber]

really good game, thoroughly enjoyed getting wood for sheep

[@spacesquid4298]

WELSH

[@heartysquid]

Yeah what gives?!

[@Inucroft]

@@spacesquid4298 cymru am byth

[@thehaybayle]

@@spacesquid4298💀💀💀

[@haotatyan]

Image links?

[@Ksescel]

The fact that if there is a draw you have to play campaign for north Africa is one of the funniest parts of this to me

[@dylantucker5374]

A quick note at 25:24 For anyone not familiar with _The Campaign for North Africa,_ it can take up to 1,500 hours to complete a *_single campaign._* It is a stupidly long game

[@HarrowKrodarius]

To be honest. Imagine if Valefisk somehow managed to turn the Campaign for North Africa into Cursed Campaign for North Africa, in which it takes up to 3000 hours to complete a single campaign ;p

[@Cordman1221]

Don't forget that it literally simulates pasta. Yes, the Italians get a malus for having pasta in their rations and if you don't have enough water, they can't cook their pasta.

[@marmato9332]

​@@Cordman1221Accurate

[@Pedro_Colicigno]

@@Cordman1221 And the funny part is in TCNA you can have the really thing that happened of italian troups loosing to much water due to evaporation so they couldn't cook the meals. what a cursed game that is

[@sanddry738]

The fact that Vale apparently has a game going that shall one day be released is horrifying. I honestly can’t wait

[@jonasvoss]

"How are you supposed to go back to playing normal Catan!?" I'm glad they included PTSD

[@dusklunistheumbreon]

PTSD mechanic pog

[@mihael64]

it's a feature not a bug

[@jordanintheflesh2589]

I gotta admit going from a slightly longer than normal catan game to halfway thruough turning into a complelty new game makes this the funniest of the board games they've played on this channel

[@Chris-zi9hf]

I already view Catan as a cursed game (having played it too many times with people who'll take forever on their turns), but getting to watch other people suffer in an even worse Catan... that sounds absolutely cathartic to me

[@amoliski]

I'm with you- Catan is my least favorite 'good' board game. So many better options out there.

[@King1Z7]

Our Catan games pretty much always turn into single player games as everyone tries to win by not trading with others, since one does not trade with enemies....

[@citruslemonade3326]

catan-thartic

[@BobertJoe]

@@amoliski I'd rather play Monopoly or Risk than Catan.

[@Business_Skeleton]

​@@BobertJoerisk is fair enough but monopoly? Really?

[@WhaleMilk]

I had to forcibly remind myself that this is actually Catan they’re playing and not some specially designed torture game on *incredibly* regular intervals

[@theturnc0at]

Well to be fair, it *is* catan modified into being some specially designed torture game, but yeah I ended up forgetting it was Catan too sometimes, since it turned into Axis & Allies 1914 for several minutes

[@fishtail2616]

@@theturnc0at it gets even better when you combine every expansion and turn it into a floor covering multi day/week journey of politics and war

[@datbarricade9995]

Catan with -Factories that burn coal -Pollution -The great war -Nuclear warfare ...sounds like you are playing Civ 6, my dude.

[@Shamitako]

I actually really like the idea of Catan turning into Risk halfway through. I feel like this concept could work as a genuinely fun game with a bit of balancing

[@Bludiamond_Titanium]

I’ve tried this game and it’s actually balanced, from what I can tell.

[@fredmanM]

is there any meta to it? like should i rush infntry?@@Bludiamond_Titanium

[@adisappointedfbiagent449]

@@Bludiamond_Titanium How'd you try it?

[@Bludiamond_Titanium]

@@adisappointedfbiagent449 Tabletop simulator, of course.

[@aurastrike]

@@adisappointedfbiagent449 same way as everyone else: tabletop simulator steam workshop

[@PersonNumberYes]

Whenever we play Catan, we always name every single sheep we draw, and try to keep track of who has what sheep, so we'll constantly be like "wanna trade 2 rocks and bill for jose and a wheat?" "No I have Josephine, not Jose. But I don't wanna trade bill, how about mark?" "Ok what if I trade you Chad for Josephine AND Anderson?" And so on and so on. It gets incredibly difficult to remember who has what, but it's so fun because you get attached to each sheep.

[@chocobear4078]

sounds like a great way to immediately inflate the price of an individual sheep

[@Ze_Techno]

@@chocobear4078 lmao business mindset

[@solsgarbage]

My first game of Catan began (and ended) with me rolling 7 four times in a row.

[@Blue-Maned_Hawk]

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a terrible first impression.

[@TenBillionAnts]

@@piotrbojkoffConsecutive robbers turns are bad.

[@TenBillionAnts]

@@piotrbojkoff friends.

[@onomatopoeia7505]

Kinda weird, especially since a 7 is the average on 2 dice.

[@Totasfunnynumber]

All hail the king of thieves

[@МилеевМатвей]

I personaly would like to see ANOTHER session of this "game" with you now understanding the rules

[@eloy8449]

Same I feel like vale and teddy got cheated out of building the nuke 😢

[@ArchonZach]

I like how in every video they all want the suffering to end, but they also want to win, thus extending their suffering

[@Noblemartel]

Ah, the duality of man

[@timothymclean]

It's like that raccoon trap that's just two nails with a bit of butter at the bottom, except the raccoon isn't being recorded for the amusement of thousands.

[@Tackimily06]

You don’t know how long I’ve waited for catan! My absolute favorite game of all time and now it’s been made insane I’m actually dying

[@ivgorm9365]

RIP

[@AlbertAlbertB.]

You were anyway

[@lpmatthews7387]

Same

[@donpollo3154]

Hope they find a cure soon

[@laser_uhhhh]

@@donpollo3154a cure to what? dysentery

[@sarkhan_guy]

Oh boy, time for more Vale board games. Ngl they've become my favorite aspect of this channel.

[@noahjester8471]

I love how Maivi always sounds like she's on the verge of tears. You have some incredibly trusting friends, Valefisk 😁

[@laser_uhhhh]

yeah

[@redeye4516]

It's easy when they're chained up in your basement

[@timothymclean]

I'd like to point out that this time, Valefisk had Maivi invite the others specifically _because_ none of Vale's other friends trust him any more. Valefish has an incredibly trusting Maivi.

[@noahjester8471]

​@timothymclean at this point, Maivi knows it's better to be in the devil's right hand, than be in his warpath. She thinks it'll spare her the horrors of Crypt II, but it will only delay the inevitable 😂

[@inbreadmad]

The fact that vale and teddy lost the great war because of no one knowing how devastation works is crazy

[@timothymclean]

To be fair, they also shot themselves in the foot by throwing all of their resources at nukes. Maybe they would've been able to make that pay off if they had the resources to build nukes, but they didn't, because nobody understood how devastation works.

[@Taitou25]

"It's getting harder these days to convince people to come play games with me" Okay but imagine NOT wanting to find out what utterly insane shit Valefisk has to share.

[@meelonsquid]

you're not the one who has to sit through these

[@canastark7693]

Little reminder that the creator of Catan, Klaus Teuber, has leaved this world on the 1st April this year. May he rest in peace and laugh watching this video from heavens.

[@glitchedmatrix55]

[T]7

[@qm230]

Damn I was hoping you were joking since he passed on april 1st, rip. Dude brought so many hours of joy to people.

[@objectshowfan362]

I guess you could say his death was a joke.

[@LadyMapi]

Honestly, the idea behind Settler's Campaign for North Catan is actually really cool. It's a shame that this take on it is so cursed.

[@caltheuntitled8021]

Just remove the meme art, special development cards, and longest turn card and it becomes a lot less cursed

[@williamj.2695]

Played it with some friends, and tbh it's pretty well designed

[@harperreese264]

I go to school with the grandson of the guy who made Catan. Klaus Teuber is rolling in his grave, and I’m rolling with laughter because this video is fucking spectacular

[@MatthewConnellan-xc3oj]

Convince him to revamp the game

[@Slothamn]

I just wanna say that this is by far my favorite channel. I remember watching your company of hero videos 3 or 4 years ago and absolutely loving them. I haven’t really been watching your newer video’s but after watching this I’m excited for the future of the valefisk channel

[@LugiatheOceanGuardian]

@@Slothamnyou can just edit your comment to fix it

[@Slothamn]

@@LugiatheOceanGuardian thank you for telling me that. Have a good day

[@RADZIO895]

definitely go back and check out other videos of board games or tortures, it's not really "future of the channel" it's kinda how the channel has been for a while now

[@Slothamn]

Dang 211 likes. Thank you guys.

[@purplebunz]

If the rules for this were refined, it would legitimately be a good Catan expansion

[@PMARC14]

Valefisk sabotaging himself by being unable to read the rules is an absolute dub for his victims

[@Qwompus]

"We have Catan back on the space rig" Catan on the space rig:

[@Galaxy82_]

this comment made my day

[@Bludiamond_Titanium]

Rock and stone!

[@Ratscallion_exe]

_The Campaign of North Catan_

[@evanmurphy9965]

Honestly this seems like a really fun concept, building up your base of power then warring for the rest of the board.

[@mellow_mallow]

That description just reminds me of how Vale explained OpenTTD

[@phephemigi]

Just in case anyone was wondering, the artist for the sheep resource is sanfingulipunrapin

[@Ethanol276]

yall are down bad for the sheep card huh

[@uooooooooh]

@@Ethanol276 got wood for sheep

[@aengusdedanann181]

​@@Ethanol276just Welsh people being welsh

[@spinnirack3645]

Rather mediocre artist

[@orbiter999]

Based commenter

[@Tylorean]

The most cursed thing about this version is that it’s not a perfect Hexagon anymore.

[@twitching_bot574]

30:40 "Knight of the round circle" got funnier and funnier the more I thought about it. Not just because it's supposed to be roundtable, but also with how redundant it is, since circles are inherently round.

[@RipOffProductionsLLC]

Unless it's a low polygon circle in a PS1 era game...

[@nicorozner7417]

Honestly, this looks like a bit more fun than normal Catan. Aside from the great brick shortage. Some things never change.

[@marcor815]

Imagine if it had „undevelopment“ cards that had negative effects on the other players like „Sabotage: next player in turn order loses one victory point“ or „Earthquake: previous player in turn order has to downgrade one city“

[@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563]

"American Intervention: any player south of the one who pulled this card loses 3 victory points"

[@cameronsmith3047]

​@@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563 and is "liberated" if it has oil

[@patrickhilgenberg7518]

The funniest part is that there is a development card that just has everyone play a "short game of Campaign for North Africa"

[@SirAroace]

I think a non-cursed version of this rule-set could be cool.

[@Infinite_Archive]

Can we keep the card art, though?

[@crescendo614]

The Longest Turn card should stay, too.

[@avielle_meow]

@@Infinite_Archive Well they said non-cursed. I figure they mean the extra ruleset and the like, i can see catan with great wars really fun.

[@dusklunistheumbreon]

@@Infinite_Archive We need to fix the wood card art, it's cropped a bit too heavily.

[@owlwaifu4949]

This video will be my first time actually ever learning both how to play settlers or catan and seeing it actually played Idk how to feel about that

[@spacebearcadet746]

This is the cursed edition. No great war in the original version, no coal or factories.

[@laser_uhhhh]

same

[@ospreyv1890]

>Notices the Abyss Bar ROCK AND STONE BROTHER!!!

[@sciencool7227]

Did I hear a rock and stone?

[@LugiatheOceanGuardian]

No you heard a stone and rock

[@jeefster3177]

ROCK AND STONE EVERYONE

[@solarcupid2583]

How did Vale manage to find such a big group of masochists for his videos? It's astounding

[@timothymclean]

They're not masochists, they're just his friends. And stubborn.

[@lelwani]

watching vale lets me live my vicarious fantasy of having friends

[@bigbananabill]

i love gaming

[@professorhaystacks6606]

Was not expecting Exodia as a victory condition.

[@jonnyblade3234]

I started coughing from laughter at Exodia

[@gingerbread3044]

Ahh,yes: "The campaign for North Africa", the og torture game. Vale will definitely bring it to the channel one day or another

[@mrmason23]

This looks actually super fun, catan and the great war aspect by the modification, first time I watched someone play catan and I'm intrigued. If there is a round 2 I would watch them play it.

[@PerishingPurplePulsar]

As someone who has been toying with the idea of expanding SoC ever since I first played it as a kid but was to lazy to ever actually try, this video is already perfect and I'm only like 1 min in so far, omg

[@ozzyp0p153]

It’s a good century when valefisk uploads

[@systaltic863]

It’s because that’s how long each game takes

[@KaneyoriHK]

I was not expecting the war strategy mix-up, but I'm oddly interested

[@NuggetGal]

welcome to catan: where one resource is always moved around or hoarded, and there are never enough of the others. especially one of them, which is always a prerequisite for settlements. remember kids: the 4:1 bank deal exists. and it can be VERY powerful.

[@notasmiler1571]

Why is this like a genuinely good game, this should legit be licensed ether as a large expansion or renamed as its own separate game (obviously with the flavour text changed dramatically)

[@johiahdoesstuff1614]

Vale just slowly increasing the size of everything instead of selecting it all and using numpad +. So much pain

[@beckhamjenkins4798]

43:20 “im not happy, can I leave?” “No” omg that killed me

[@Swamp_Hound]

"you're here to watch people yell at each other, not learn the game" he knows his viewers so well.

[@NovelPond]

ROCK, AAANNND. STOOOONNNNNE!!!!

[@AChamber]

ROCK AND STONE BROTHER

[@ospreyv1890]

ROCK ON!

[@ferrisbowser3352]

If you don't rock and stone, you ain't coming home!

[@dashofsalt4359]

Did I hear a rock and stone?

[@jeefster3177]

STONE AND ROCK... wait a minute

[@chrismanuel9768]

Vale's evil is inspiring, but Maivi's personality really makes these videos fun.

[@BaronVonMott]

I would pay good money for a legit war expansion to Catan, based on this. Memes aside, that was great way to add combat to the game!

[@HeisenbergFam]

"I hate you" "my parents say that all the time" truly the kindest most inspiring parents in history

[@harrybaulsz5174]

ma boi

[@Nullbound]

A smile crept across my face when I saw this in my recommended. I felt like the grinch about to commit some devious acts in whoville... Btw I still haven't played normal Catan cuz I don't have anyone to play board games with, but now I possess a strong desire to play Cursed Catan. You, Sir Valefisk, have outdone yourself.

[@MagicTheNoah]

I love messed up board games

[@chasejohnson8326]

love your vids noah

[@recurvestickerdragon]

playing content with my shipmates on deployment, we always made the joke that we were "compressing several sheep into a brick, or log" or "making sheep outta rocks"

[@QuintonMurdock]

5:15 I screamed in delight. I love that it’s in the abyss bar lmao

[@JTCF]

I want to see a rematch. This was one hell of a rollercoaster.

[@ragnorak6452]

Imagine if this was how we got the campaign for north africa video, as part of a tiebreaker.

[@SachikaRomanova]

You know its going to be a good video when the intro is 90% Maivi saying how much she hates everything. 💜

[@PokemonWalkthroughDS]

The torture games are fun but I'd love to see more videos like the Diplomacy video where y'all are invested and giving banter into a game where everyone is at least trying a little, the torture games are getting to a point where people are just kind of checking out

[@adadada9668]

I agree.

[@Flygoniaks]

What I love about this particular "insane" version of a board game is that, besides the assortment of memes thrown into the development cards, it is entirely possible for this to play out like a (relatively) normal game of Catan with a few extra resource types, and never have to deal with... y'know. You only face the "consequences" if you try to abuse the new mechanics.

[@The_Daily_Roll]

I know I’d be convinced, but who else would lose their mind playing these torture games 😂. Valefisk is trustworthy

[@MasterSachaa]

Valefisk is my favorite board game channel. He presents must-plays for all families and friend groups!

[@arifal-yousif]

As someone more familiar with the other Katan of the Chris variety, I'm nonetheless excited for this and the ensuing wacky hijinks!

[@phyllotaxis]

21:50 Of all the things you added, I genuinely didn't expect Astolfo

[@moondragon5573]

Vale didnt make this, thats why he made many blunders throughout the Video.

[@J_Pawsadas-PTSDEnjoyer]

i'd been craving torture game content lately since i've been rewatching videos from both you and magic the noah, thank god for this gift

[@inspectorcake9637]

I like seeing Vale encounter torture experiences from other people

[@KitzenVonCatzen1134]

it took me too long to realise what the "or" card was also despite all my... "research" i couldnt find the original sheep image

[@emred4653]

That was pretty fun to watch. Another go at this with correct rules would be fun to watch again too

[@3irc601]

"One of the Knight of the round circle." Well done.

[@retrorebootmusic]

Damn, I was JUST thinking "i wonder if ive missed another Valefisk torture video" And here it is!

[@randomfoxyboi8687]

I love how this is my first actual exposure to Catan and it just turns into Civilization

[@Name_Pendingg]

i love that one turn, vale and teddy are completely winning, then the very next they're being completely crushed

[@goto_1032]

Always happy to see an upload from you, keep it up

[@minecraftthelostorder5782]

0:23 Diplomacy, Catan? You're hitting all my favourites as well, dang!

[@sharklazerboy9529]

"A normal game of Catan" "I forgot the part where there's nukes" If they make this as a real Catan game, I would buy it instantly

[@DyxoXinoro]

The moment I saw that title, as a fan of Catan, I immediately growled "What did you do!?" before clicking the video. This was a painful watch and I wouldn't have it any other way from Vale.

[@enzochoi923]

I was thinking at work today "I hope a new valefisk video comes out today" and here we are, enacting man made horrors well within my comprehension, and deeply scarring to Vale's friends.

[@takeeto9894]

Maivi: I am not a war gamer Also Maivi: (sbsolutely slaughters in the Diplomacy AI game)

[@krazybonnie5523]

Cursed catan is an experience beyond your wildest imagination I played it after watching the video(with some edits to the rules that allowed for 3 way great war) It was so stupid, i had like 1 capitol + 3 cities on sheep, so i spammed arty(i had 2:1 sheep trades for ore) & maxed the research for inf & arty, basically occupied half the board and my opponents gave up

[@nikkob1252]

17:19 "What does that mean?" Truly worthy of the social credit.

[@onetrickgirl]

Opening a valefisk video and immediately hearing "i hate you" sets a very fitting tone.

[@obsoleete6028]

Dont know if it would really fit the channel but seeing The Great War section made me realize how much i want to see you guys do Axis and Allies

[@alyx5491]

You should always credit the artist so… does anyone know who made the sheep art? Asking for myself.

[@psgamer-il2pt]

Soace

[@Bazingagmd]

by sanfingulipunrapin :)

[@swivelsaysno]

artist name is sanfingulipunrapin

[@masterjbt]

@@swivelsaysnocan you link that specific art

[@Vipertooth007]

@@masterjbt It's literally the pinned post on their Twitter.

[@Seldatron]

lol "lets see if we can break there western front instantly stop them from using their uranium" must be one of the best quotes from this game about completely curse catan

[@Graphomite]

Pro strat tip: Replace the robber piece with Maxwell. It will enhance your Catan experience.

[@fromisabella]

17:17 "what does that mean" 💀 I can't believe how fast I recognized where that is, and I'm shocked Vale didn't recognize it too

[@orivilletycoon1437]

"I hate the sheep" -Apollyon from For Honor

[@xdMatthewbx]

I feel like this group playing just regular catan would still be pretty entertaining

[@battlefield456]

You know its a good day when Valefisk updates :)

[@logsupermulti3921]

Every day we creep closer to the inevitable Campaign for North Africa video. And when it comes, it will be glorious.

[@wokerthe]

what a shame they didn't tie, a short game of The Campaign for North Africa would've been nice to see

[@needlebodkin7693]

The first half was so enjoyable im down to watch you guys play normal games, the torture was just an amazing bonus