Insecurity or Empowerment? Unpacking Your Relationship with Beauty | BEAUTIFUL and BOTHERED | Ep. 73

[@jeffguenette6354]

Hey Johnny and Kevin. I adore you two. I'm a 65 year old retired gay male hairdresser ( I use that term because, truly, I am an old queen that loves nothing more than 'dressing' hair up) . I started my training in 1976 but my passion was makeup. The opportunities in makeup just weren't there yet (I'm from Ottawa, Canada). And like you guys, I had to get out of high school and be creative. So, Hairdressing it was. I got the chance to work for stage productions and drag shows on the side so that filled my need to do makeup. When MAC came along I was already decades into doing hair and wasn't brave enough to start all over. But I live my makeup fantasy career through you two. All the highs and lows of it all. Good job and thank you. Jeffrey Paul

[@ChristinePacinda]

I just want to wrap my arms around both of you and hold you tight. Kevin, you made me cry. I've had so many discussions like this with my own son (Yes, he's gay), trying so hard to make sure he knew he was loved, that he could tell me anything, that I would always be here to support him in any way I could, but always understanding that I just might not be enough. It's been a long, heart-wrenching journey, and I know the journey isn't over for any of us, but please know that you both are loved and adored, appreciated and respected for being exactly who you are. I know there are still so many people out there who just can't or won't accept you for who you are, but the numbers of us who do and will are growing, and we love you.

[@beautifulandbothered]

This is so kind and means the world to us ❤ thank you 😘

[@kchattx]

THIS!!

[@aprilrich807]

Nicely stated. 🫶

[@DarkFire1536]

You sound like a great mom! ❤

[@KarlyNicole]

Kevin is coming in heavy with the quotes and wisdom 🙌 "Failure implies I tried" 💙💜

[@dawntigga]

My sweet spot is a red lip. Anyone wearing a red lip is doing it for 2 reasons: 1) You're feeling it. 2) It's armour. You're going through something and faking it till you make it. I'm gonna cheer you on regardless of the reason.

[@pandastrix4082]

Wow as a gay man who loves beauty and who is just on the edge of turning 20 this year, this episode is hitting so close to home. I struggled with mental illness my entire life and grew up in an extremely orthodox jewish community/ family where I too felt from such a young age that I was destined to die young because I couldn't comprehend a world that I deserved to have a future in. I am so grateful to have made it past the nightmare years of high school and being a teenager still alive and well. I am only now at my age learning how to love myself and the life I was given and have begun healing the scars that my upbringing left behind. I was also someone who never a day in their life felt beautiful, I was never comfortable in my own skin and self esteem has been a huge obstacle in my life for as long as I can remember as well as s--cid-al ideation. This podcast means so much to me and you two are truly so inspiring to me in a way that allows me to visualize how I can be myself and grow up to be successful and loved and confident. Thank you a million times to Johnny and Kevin for sharing your stories with us and know that it means the world to people like me. Love you guys sm!!

[@alim4824]

I love how they switched hair colors from the beginning 😂🤣

[@beautifulandbothered]

Lmao we said the same thing when I dyed it! 😂

[@dear_totheheart]

@@beautifulandbothered Are you both look FINNNE~! Seriously, your colors look amazing on you both and so amazing to see you thriving

[@umassigkap]

Oh Kevin , I am a mom and my heart broke for your adolescent self when you said you thought you were better off d3@d . I am so happy you are here. You bring so much joy to the beauty community . I hope if there is anyone struggling today that they hear this episode and know that deserve everything they want in life and you are loved . Also Happy Pride !

[@LeahNess-t7o]

I'm a 56 yr old straight woman .I watch you guys religiously. I can relate with so much of what you were talking about fitting in high school and even today because people are just nuts these days. I don't need all the negativity in my life that others bring. Love you. Thanks for the honest conversation. ❤❤❤

[@oracal1]

Similar, 53, mum of 3 and love their content, whether it’s makeup or mental health.

[@elmrkm]

59 👋🏻

[@caseyrobinson3820]

My eyes leaked so many times during this....I'm 39 a mum of 6 I went thru somewhat of a midlife crisis 3yrs ago....I didn't want to be here....I didn't know who I was outside of a mum...my x husband unalived himself....makeup was my saving grace....it became my safe place....and u guys became my church with this pod...I'm so grateful ur both here doing this....last seasons blooper episode is my favorite thing to watch when im having a shitty day....thank u for everything u guys do❤

[@caseyrobinson3820]

@dizzieblonde thank u so much....what a lovely thing to say. Not being here wasn't an option but finding myself and being proud of who iv become was hard.

[@maryeckel9682]

I'm glad you're still here.

[@iamnotaconcept]

okay but why did Casey's call about the London broil make me tear up again?! He is such a tender bean and I love your love for him, Johnny. this is such a great episode.

[@sweetbabyasia]

I love that "tender bean" saying. Adding it to my lexicon.

[@EliseT_1012]

1. Johnny, your hair is FABULOUS. 2. Fellow former theater kid with ADHD… the ADHD bliss of living in the moment, experiencing your passion, is SO real. It’s the perfect dopamine rush. I wish I hadn’t tried to live up to others’ expectations of me by abandoning theater for more “realistic” or “practical” fields of study/career avenues. I didn’t know how much my ADHD brain needed to do what I truly loved in order to be happy. 3. 24:11 Kevin, I’m crying. Glad you’re still here. You are so loved. ❤

[@iamnotaconcept]

omg Kevin you have me in TEARS because I can remember feeling this SO STRONGLY as a queer young person. I love yall for having this conversation

[@mcbarredowl]

I just graduated from art school yesterday, and this hit me so hard. I needed to hear this right now. I'm not going into beauty, but you both are such an inspiration, and this video really gave me the hope I needed right now to keep being excited about the future.

[@younkinsa1]

Kevin- I am just crying at you sharing your 13-16 story. I am so glad that you are still on this planet. I’m so glad you made it to this moment. Love you both to the moon and back ❤

[@Amondra87]

Hyper fixation and executive function disorder are my bane and its effected my relationship with beauty. From being easily infulanced, over spending, then not having the motivation to wear it, even if I love how i look and put together

[@lisafranklin9089]

This is so real, hey twin💗🤎😘

[@Amondra87]

@@lisafranklin9089 We out here in the trenches trying to make it work

[@maryeckel9682]

Same, plus depression says why bother

[@EzraSprouts]

So relatable! Honestly my neurodivergence radar pings into overdrive in the beauty community, but I bet so much of it is overlooked cos of femme erasure within medical frameworks of adhd, autism and the neurospice cabinet

[@dawntigga]

Church is in people. Today's podcast is paired with aperol spritz, I'm on leave tomorrow and this could get messy.

[@heather8330]

already 2 Sam Adams’ in… I feel you

[@heathervannatter364]

Hey girls I'm having a michalda!! Love having a drink or two with ya ❤

[@rswife777]

Love an aperol spritz! Guess I'll make one too!

[@stacyjane8014]

Hey, besties! I knocked over my glass of a really good cab, but luckily I have more and a cheap bottle of wine for later 😂 Cheers, y’all! 🍷

[@heathervannatter364]

@@stacyjane8014 cheers 🥂🥂🥂

[@cdlstoddard]

22:48 this convo just gave me an aha moment as well.. all of my family are (now) recovering addicts or dead. As a child, I was always told "you're just like your mama, you'll never be anything just like her" as an insult when I wouldn't just sit down and shut up whenever I felt like an adult wasn't doing what they should as an adult, so I literally couldn't look past that pain and doubt from those few dark moments, even when I had every teacher or counselor or responsible adults telling me how amazing and smart and compassionate and creative they thought I was. The good never outweighed the bad. So, at 15 years old I became a drug addict like my mom. I lost myself by hanging out with people way older than me, that were the type of people that put me down when I was younger. I literally sought out the type of life they told me I was only good for. I'm 29 now, with 4 beautiful daughters, a healthy relationship with a man whom adores me, I've been sober for several years, and I've finally got a decent entry level job that I'm interested in pursuing a degree in. I never imagined a future for myself where I was happy because I let a handful of people convince me I'd end myself young due to my own negligence. That's crazy.

[@jackselle4607]

As a corporate woman who worked her way into a senior leadership position, it’s been a challenge for me corporately to be taken seriously because I love fashion, hair, makeup, performing arts, etc. Since I turned 40, I have said F-it they’ll accept me for the badass mama I am, and it’s finally paying off where I feel I can straddle both worlds. Thank you both for this; it encourages me to remain true to myself with no reservations.

[@katythriftyunder35homeowne57]

That feeling Kevin describes about makeup being a safety blanket- not being able to leave the house without makeup -- as a dancer & someone whose mother never left the house without makeup-- I felt that until just 2 years ago. My gosh-- it's so freeing to not feel that.

[@cosmicsugarcookie9067]

I love that at the beginning, Kevin was Brunette and Johnny was Blonde, then they slowly started looking more and more alike until they were twins in the last episode and have now swapped.

[@ChristinePacinda]

As I'm listening to your discussion (and completely relating to SO much of it), and I can't help but think that you're highlighting the simple questions we all face throughout our lives.... "What's the point? What's my purpose? What will bring my joy in life?" We've all been conditioned to think that our 'purpose' is supposed to be so obvious and concrete, only to discover that it's often been incorrected defined by people who don't even have a clue about their own lives let alone ours. The absolute hardest thing to do in life is to live precisely how we want to, because there's no end to people who line up specifically to criticize us for not adhering to their ideas of what we should be. Learning not to give a shit about what they think and want is liberating.

[@jnmrz72]

I really relate to this episode, not as a gay person but as someone who was seen as “undesirable”. Being an overweight teen I was an outcast. I was made to feel that I could only have a husband if I lost weight, I could be successful if I lost weight, I would belong if I lost weight, and one of my favs…”it’s a shame because you have such a pretty face”. Now all these years later it’s really hard to undo that thinking, which I couldn’t help but internalize. A person’s worth should NEVER be tied to their appearance and beauty. Thanks for sharing this

[@kndhmwk]

Not that I fucking cried through the whole episode?! 🥺 THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing... I can't relate to that more... I hope we can make our life better to feel & live through as the days goes while we are working on it... Let's do whatever we feel good❤ Who caaaarrreees🎉

[@dawntigga]

I can only speak for me but, as a woman, I'm really used to being let down by pretty much everything. Through therapy I've learned the only person you can do it for is you. Can I just say though, what you do touches loads of people. Really love you guys, not in a stalker way because nobody needs that shit in their life.

[@lkbeirute1]

You are loved, admired, respected etc. Please don't sell yourself short. Wish I could hug you both. Shine as bright as you can. You are an inspiration to others. Big hugs, LisaKaye

[@EliseT_1012]

47:25 This is why I love that y’all have this podcast and that you’ve started a Patreon. I feel like every week, I see comments on your videos that are like “I don’t even use makeup, but y’all are so fun to watch.” And this is so true. We fell in love with YOU. No expectations. Screw the algorithm. Please do what you are passionate about, and we’ll support you and will love watching you. I do hope you find your makeup inspiration again, Johnny, but no expectations. I just hope you find it for YOU! I still think about that Kevyn Aucoin pod y’all did where you nerded out over every little detail from some of his most iconic looks. It was my favorite because you can just tell how much passion y’all have for this art form. Thank you. ❤

[@Deadly_Beauties_Jewelry]

As someone who has ADHD and who has been diagnosed since the age of six, caffeine is a great tool background noise something that I’ve listened to 1000 times and noise canceling headphones when I’m trying to be productive.

[@Undefinedinc]

Yes yes yes to this!! My whole mission is to “undefine” the beauty industry. I also strongly believe that beauty starts in your head, not in mirror. TY for this important convo and happy pride 🌈

[@ChristinePacinda]

I love how you guys were discussing the event you'll be attending and Kevin was like, '... And I've planned out where we're going to eat...'. That's exactly what I do! And it's what I raised my son to do. My husband will say he wants us all to go somewhere and my son and I are like, "What kind of restaurants are nearby?" Girl, it's all about hte food!

[@melissamullen4673]

Johnny changed his hair! I love it: also, you guys always have such a real outlook on the beauty industry.

[@HazyDaze.]

Why do we live so much in our own heads to the point where it can become debilitating. We get so worried about what everyone else is going to think of us but in reality we’re not as interesting nor as captivating to others as we think we are so just do your thing and live your life. Be kind to others and be good to yourself. I love that Casey called in the middle of the therapy session with such a basic request…the reality of life! Thank you both for sharing.

[@hoorayitsjackie6166]

‘Expectations are premeditated resentments’ - Katya Zamolodchikova

[@isamarramos]

I really needed this today. I've felt so stuck in my life after becoming a stay at home mom of two baby girls. I feel horrible everyday because I never thought I would have kids or be married and now I have this family and life I only dreamed of. But along the way I lost myself. I recently tried some makeup that you both talked about on patreon. Going back to makeup has sparked something in me. I've been on zombie mama mode for the last 6 years. I used to think as a teenager I wouldn't live to see 33. I was so depressed and lost. Becoming a makeup freelancer saved me in a way. It gave me an outlet. It's full circle and I just want to thank you for having a platform for those os us who technically don't "fit" the standard of kissing ass on our way up the ladder. I love you both! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH. I cried throughout this episode!!

[@sophiemorris8086]

This is going to sound strange but Kevin- the thumbnail is BEAUTIFUL. It conveys the emotion of the episode so effectively… your makeup, your expression. We appreciate you both so much for sharing so vulnerably 💜💜

[@Undefinedinc]

I’m also (undiagnosed) ADHD and deal with the same productivity-guilt loop as an entrepreneur. And that Wizard of Oz analogy is soooo spot on 🤯

[@FashFabBeauty]

When he asked, "can I wear makeup to work?" I would love to meet the bosses or the people you worked for on your channel. Not so much the place, but the people outside of your family that helped 'validate' YOU! As a content creator that had staff that I employ, I strive to be good, do good, and hope one day this very conversation takes place and know they were safe here.🥰😍

[@Dirtanddiamonds1]

Am I the only one spinning after watching this episode?!? As a small business owner, in a small town I am surrounded by so many traps of ppl pleasing which as funneled into my life as a whole and as I’m listening I’ve had so many epiphanies! A lot in my life needs to change! I live 90% for others and 10% just isn’t enough for me anymore! A huge thanks to Johnny & Kevin for this episode and for being so vulnerable🤍

[@DRUNKBUNNY182]

I relate so much to thinking I would die young, not picturing or having dreams for a future, because I really was so sure I would not make it, because there was absolutely no way for me to. Then when I became an adult I realised there wasn't really anything I wanted to do or see, because I quite simply had not thought that far ahead. And all this time I thought I was the only one who felt this way. Hearing someone else talk about this is so powerful, thank you so much for sharing your stories.

[@MYSTERIOMUSIK]

Johnny not wanting to unintentionally ruin Christmas for kids is such a thoughtful thing!!!

[@IruTheday]

This episode made me cry because of how much I related to so much of what you said. I was late diagnosed adhd and just recently realized I am also autistic. I am a straight woman who grew up in North America but in a conservative background and I always knew I knew I would be rejected by family and relatives as an adult and thought I would die young. I had so much passion for things like songwriting when I was younger, but when I moved away I was just trying to survive and also not lose my family that I lost myself and I wasn’t living. I am recently trying to get that back and not give an F. I recently started posting videos online on my channel but been procrastinating the last few weeks and using my full time job as a reason. Which by the way took almost a decade of freelancing to get because of my neurodivergence. I didn’t even realize that was why I wasn’t getting chosen.

[@jilljohnson251]

Kevin, Johnny, i just want to reach out and hug you both. You guys are so brave. There are people watching and listening, both young and old, who need to hear what you have to say. Love you both❤

[@ellieexisting2665]

I completely get where they are coming from. I think there needs to be a cultural shift of redefining “productivity” as a concept. It took me years to learn that rest in its truest and purest form for the person is EXTREMELY productive. In a culture that overvalues quantitative results (profits, hours worked, number of completed projects etc) it completely ignores the concept of qualitative value. If it serves the greater greed, it is more likely than not, at the cost of you

[@mundain8818]

“if you like doing it and you’re having fun doing it, you’ll find a way to live” are almost the exact words a childhood music teacher told me when i was younger. he was so wise and as kids we did not appreciate it (he was speculated to be gay, i went to a catholic school) and hearing that again is such a nice reminder. because those words always spoke to me. 🥺 ty for the reminder (also i will never not support you two talking abt your experience because while yes i grew up to be nonbinary i did grow up as a “gay boy” and the experience is the same 🫶🏼)

[@sage_forensics_2261]

💜🙏 The number of times I 😭 teared up during this episode...Wow! Did I ever need to hear this, and I'm not even in the beauty industry. However, I am a Gen-Xer who has also been going through it this past year (hopefully, I'm starting to come out of it as well), and makeup, hair, and beauty were always my forms of self-expression, even as a teen. 🎨 I've always said, "Makeup is like art for your face," and I still believe that. 🛡⚔ It also can be a form of armor, and it has most certainly been that for me in the past. Sadly, this past year--and even before--I quit taking care of myself as much as I should due to grief/losses. The thing is that I really did love doing all of it, and I have kept up with all of the trends/new releases...I'm just not enjoying any of my own makeup like I should. ✨ This episode has reminded me how much I really do love beauty and encouraged me to start enjoying it again--for me. I think it will also be a part of my healing for other areas of my life related to why the past year or so has been so rough, and it will maybe help me to remember who I am at my core. The real me has a bit of artistic expression in her, but the crap of this past year has stifled that creativity and healing, too. 💜🙏 Thank you, Johnny and Kevin, for the real talk and encouragement! Beauty can be empowering even if you don't work in the industry...

[@catherinegreer854]

Great episode guys! I think the reason people are never disappointed in meeting you is because we know that you walk into the studio as yourself and leave as yourself. No BS, no on and off switch. Beautifully and fantastically made!!❤

[@samanthanapoli997]

As an aroace person and a woman with big dreams, I needed this conversation for many reasons. I don’t have any examples of people in my life or really in any media I like, for how my life can look. It’s so so hard. Thank you both so much for what you do. I know our struggles are not the same and I have the privilege of being straight passing, but I just wanted to thank you all the same for staying here and putting your authentic selves out there. I’m grateful for you both. You’re truly helping people 💕 Happy pride 🌈🎉

[@jellybabybeauty8308]

to piggy back onto the conversation about expectation, every therapist i've had has said something along the lines of that the word 'should' is the worst swear word of all because nothing will ever reach the heights of fantasy shoulds. we need to live in the world, not a picture of the world we want.

[@betsysloan4619]

Wow,What a powerful show! I am heterosexual female who felt like I never fit in anywhere! I suffered with depression for years. I never felt good enough enough and it is still a daily battle. My father told me I was ugly and made fun of my developing body. I have always been self conscious about how I look. Thankfully, I married someone who thought I was beautiful! My husband died four years ago after celebrating 39 years. My husband's journey with Early Onset Alzheimer's changed my life. I did videos,found my voice, and found my gifts to help people! I can't believe I now speak publicly! We all have to find ourselves ! I am a huge Mental Health Advocate and I go for counseling! Hugs and love to Johnny and Kevin!❤🤗🫂💜

[@lisgelfling1031]

this episode is THE ZEITGEIST of personal development and expression and of the beauty industry. Authenticity reigns supreme!!! So proud of you both and thank you for sharing!!!

[@MichelleTaye]

24:11 Kevin talking about this made me start to cry because as a young trans woman in america rn i feel the same way currently. I’m slowly starting to get out of it but i know exactly what that feeling is and it hurts like hell

[@seona6549]

I need to hug you both....❤ Opening up about your childhood and growing up gay! ❤😢 I know we all grow up with insecurities, but I can't imagine how it felt for you both 😢 This hits me hard on a whole different level! I lost my husband very unexpectedly a year and half ago 😢,.! I've been scared and stuck! This resonates with me.... I just need to move forward with life and take chances ❤! And my birthday is June 15th and I'll be 63 and I need to embrace my age and be happy I'm alive ❤

[@maryeckel9682]

63 is great!

[@genghiskhanswife]

Guys, I am obsessed with your podcast. I started listening 10 days ago and I think I've watched half of the videos you posted (if you see a spike in your analytics, it's probably me with 1.75 speed). I didn't know how much I needed a podcast like this, thank you for putting this together. I appreciate your exposure on sensitive issues that too many creators do not talk about. I've been on KZbin I think since 2013 or 2014, followed all the dramaggedons and the rise and fall of most beauty creators. Not only do you know your craft, but you are a breath of fresh air. Robert Welsh recommended your podcast and I AM HERE TO STAY!

[@DisobedientAvocado82]

Thank you talking about your struggles with mental health especially ADHD! I was diagnosed and medicated for ADHD when I was 10. Stopped taking it at 18. Just started adhd medication after trying to raw dog it for the last 15 years. I was so hesitant to start meds again. I tried everything I could and It was so hard to accept that I don't think I can do it on my own.

[@stacyjane8014]

I was diagnosed ages ago, long before the meds became the college kids new coffee I fought hard when I decided to stop the meds.. and the way I describe that time was like I felt underwater for years. I decided to go back on the meds and it was like putting on glasses when you can’t see Meds aren’t a commentary on you or who you are. Please do what works for you and don’t even think about anyone else’s opinion. You deserve to be the best version of you, however you get there.. ❤

[@DisobedientAvocado82]

@@stacyjane8014 Thank you! I appreciate that. It was a tough call. I didn't want another pill. I have auto immune issues, EDS, and arthritis. So I am on a bunch of different meds. It feels good to have a quiet brain for the first time in what feels like forever.

[@stacyjane8014]

@@DisobedientAvocado82 You are so welcome, and lawdy, I completely understand CRPS here.. I got to the point that it forcing the meds down made me gag I’ve worked hard to manage that stuff and get rid of the stuff that wasn’t helping, but I realized that the stuff that does is important Just know you aren’t alone. You are a warrior and only you know what helps And our beauty besties have helped convince me that sometimes I fight harder with a lil lipstick and some sass. Stay strong and as they always say.. you are beautiful

[@Olivia-wx8eu]

Johnny, as a fellow late diagnosed adhder, i totally understand how you feel. Getting a diagnosis really changes your life and requires you to rethink how you think about yourself and what you knew. It goes from feelings of failure and hatred towards yourself to, my brain chemistry is different (adhd is a lack of dopamine) and that is why i am like xyz. Having a diagnosis for both my adhd (at 18) and autism (at 20) i think saved my life.

[@SB-ez3dw]

Hair Buddha, here in YT, says you have to re-pigment your hair when going back to brown or black from a very light blonde. Like… straight red, yellow or blue pigments before going to brown or black.

[@cordeliastockwell1837]

the other thing (well, 2 things) I want to mention is: the similarities to Buddhist principals in this convo (non-attachment to expectation, moments just being as they are) is outstanding :) 2nd thing: it's hard to do the things as you want them/love them/finding joy in them when they are your source of income because you are so dependent on the success of it, instead of doing it for the love of it even if it fails, doesn't end up as you wished

[@wkwheezy]

I'm currently going through a relatable struggle... I got a very specific degree for an industry I love, but it is one of the most homogenous industries I have ever seen. Personal style and self-expression are crucial in determining who will hire you. I've been rejected from jobs for the style of work I produce because it doesn't match the mainstream, so I've recently had to spend time creating an entire project in a style I totally HATE because, at the end of the day, I need a job. I need work, even though it kills me to be so dishonest to my true self. In theory, sure, jobs where my style are desired exist, but definitely in the minority, and I can't just pick up and move across the globe until I find it... I am struggling to cope with the fact I'm gonna have to live a lie for a while until I find a chance to break out, and it's tough.

[@maryeckel9682]

It especially sucks when you study and work for a "creative" thing and it ends up so stifling. Sending hugs and fuck ems

[@Jo-nh4vw]

I went gray really young. I was covering grays in my 20s. At 34 I decided enough. I hated going to salons once a month for hours to dye my hair. And I hated doing it myself. I made the decision to grow out the gray hair. The response from women was so weird. Suddenly I was letting myself go or aging myself. I didn't care. I'm 40 now and I LOVE my gray hair. Beauty should be what makes you feel beautiful not society expectations. This is my small experience with that.

[@maryeckel9682]

Gray is glorious

[@jodiegordon5559]

I fckin love you guys! Thank you so much for the free therapy! I'm over here in england not being able to move because of chronic pain and depression at 49 in september. Feeling the loss of my joy for my creativity, my artistry AND now that I'm mostly immobile, feeling fukcing frustrated that there are so many people who do not do their jobs?!! And I realise how much I have fought for everything I have ever needed and now I can't fight as well as I used to, the curtain is pulled back and I'm realising just how fckung bad it always was and still is only now, I really need people to give a shit and step up and do their bloody jobs?! But I am also realising, that my expectations of these people were absolutely too high and wrong because otherwise why had I been supplementing their inadequacies all my life?! They can't do their job because they never knew how to begin with, they cheated on their tests or they lost their passion for whatever made them want to be a doctor or a vet or a brother or a friend but carried on by going through the motions and virtually killing everyone they came in contact with and literally harming them in real life!! So I still have to continue to fight but it gets so exhausting having to become a bloody activist for things that you expect to be working just fine on their own?! I don't want to be a fcking hallmark afternoon movie that begins with: ''Jodie was a fighter, a survivor, carer and activist for truth and blah blah lalala lala.....'' And ends in: ''a then she died of her injuries and high expectations'' I thought my movie would be soooo so so so much different and brilliant with some trauma that I would overcome!! (In a Turban) So Kids of all ages!! Before you don't have your body anymore, PLEASE do all the things!! But never intentionally hurt anyone or yourself! Find ride or die friends that you love and make your parents tell you every medical thing that runs in your family!!! That is so important!! You don't want to find out that grandma Jean had schizophrenia when you end up being 5150d (america) Sectioned (uk) whilst also suffering a stroke that weirdly enough uncle foster died from at 50 and you're 49!!! LOL (these particular ailments are not mine but i'm in their wheelhouse so to speak? lol) Take care of your health now for you and future you! And be selfish when it comes to your mental wellbeing!! And travel, work a job you love! That pays! If you have to work a job with less joy, make sure that one def pays! But remember, there are so many different kinds of jobs that you haven't even thought of or knew you would be great at?! You can even invent your own job now!! But don't over do it, make time for no pressure and aim to not start reminiscing until your 90s!! xxxxx

[@maryeckel9682]

Older chronic person saying amen here! I lost a lot too much time ruled by undiagnosed and untreated mental illness and trauma, and there's no getting that back. My life is getting better mentally, emotionally and spiritually, but the body can't keep up. Finding new ways to live is the only way. This chat room of B&B is the best church, therapy session, support group, etc. on the Internet. And fuck being anyone's inspiration. Keep going out of glorious spite.

[@SupItsGina]

my dad passed away last september..he always said “don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed”..this episode reminded me of him thank you 💙

[@masonrexwhitton6892]

When Kevin said, if they aren’t looking at me for wearing makeup, they are staring at my pink hair. I teared up and it really hit me hard. I have screamed this from the roof tops for years. Not matter what I wear, i look different, I have coloured hair, lots of tattoos and usually wear very colourful or glam makeup everyday, people will look. But I had to come to terms with it and literally switch the perspective. I express myself so that people stare, and hopefully that one young boy sees me and sees himself. I love when strangers compliment or comment about me, because I know I’m being myself and it might change how they see themselves

[@susans2599]

Love you both so much!I'm old enough to be your grandmother, and love your realizations about the realities of life. Whenever I have lost my MOJO I focus on something else for a while, and eventually it comes back! Again, love you both !

[@craftymamaplans9553]

I enjoy these deeper videos... there were a lot of light bulbs turning on for you both in this one!!! ❤❤

[@sirenpaint2649]

Can I just say when Kevin has sad eyes it melts my heart? I loved this episode so much because I have been feeling burr out and discouraged with my own art. I idolize both Kevin and Johnny so it’s was an eye opener to get the real tea on their own struggles! Also Kevin the naked slayed today. Johnny you brown color is gorgeous with your skin!

[@ChristinePacinda]

The true beauty of beauty is that it actually has depth and texture and richness. This episode was truly beautiful for the exact same reason. I'll be heading over to Patreon after feeding my husband so I can enjoy you guys even more. And I just shared this episode with my son and I'm hoping we can discuss it tomorrow when we go to lunch together. Love you guys!

[@PrairieDawnC]

Wow! Gentlemen, thank you for having this important conversation in public. A few days ago I had a brief exchange with another social media artist, also an openly gay and newlywed man. My question to him was how I, as a straight woman, could be an ally. Speaking out against bigotry and hatred is my first step. Do you have other ideas? He mentioned fear, which I could relate to as a woman; I sometimes feel scared of men. As I think about it more, though, I've never feared the judgment and potential for hatred from *everyone* around me. MY FEAR IS NOT THE SAME. I've also never questioned whether someone like me -- as straight, boring, vanilla and predictable as can be -- could have a future... or should be alive. I THINK I'M FINALLY GETTING IT. I'm so happy Johnny, Kevin, and my new friend Teddy are here. I appreciate your bravery. Keep talking! Keep advocating for what you need. I'm listening. Happy Pride Month!

[@beautifulandbothered]

Wow, this is so kind and incredible. What a gift you have to have such openness and empathy ❤️ That truly is our goal when sharing these stories. This means the world!

[@PrairieDawnC]

@@beautifulandbothered I'm going to Patreon. Love you!

[@EleeceFace]

Thank you so much for doing this episode rather than grasping for whatever is popular at the moment. You were able to word things so much more eloquently than I ever can. I want to send this to every man that has not been able to understand why "you look so much prettier without makeup" is not a compliment.

[@lexvirgilio]

Welcome to church everyone ❤❤

[@lisafranklin9089]

Hello sister❤

[@billyblue8827]

First of all…Happy Pride to you both. I sometimes feel like a broken record when I comment on your stuff but I just want to tell you all that you guys have seriously changed my life this year since I discovered your channel and podcast. I have grown with a lot of disdain for being gay, being in theatre, being into beauty and I didn’t know how to channel this fear I had. You guys have shown me that a life like this can mean something. I use to do things for everyone else but now I’m finally doing things for me. As a gay man in his thirties now I have more confidence in who I am just in the past year. I feel like I watch you guys for a chance to heal my inner child that never got to do things FOR HIM. I have recently started to express myself in more ways beyond gender identity. You guys have seriously given me a gift of confidence in being me and also knowledge of skincare and makeup and hair products that have also changed my whole life. I cannot express to you all how thankful that you two came into my life via this podcast. Truly thank you so much. From one 30 year old man to others, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH TO YOU BOTH.

[@philippaclarke2844]

I highly recommend Christine Hassler's book, "Expectation Hangover" to go deeper on this subject that you've both articulated so beautifully in this episode. Thank you.

[@aquamar1003]

1. Johnny: I love most natural hair colours more than dyed hair cause your natural colour mostly suits your complexion well. So love your hair, looks so nice, I really like it :) 2. Kevin: you are what gives me back my fun with makeup: only do it when you want to, do it for your self, fuck what others think is beautiful. And I love your looks. The liners, the blush, the lips, everything you do is so inspiring to me ! And in general thank you both for being so informative und teaching us.

[@nancynicolucci]

I'm 59 years old, and you guys are very wise and absolutely right. I think back to the 70's the music, the times, etc. Love you guys❤

[@comraderieco]

Ugh! I love that interaction when your husband calls about the London Broil. So sweet and loving.

[@chickenleg002]

It is interesting that the IT cosmetics people are so great to y’all. I have a pretty severe allergy to wheat, which shows up in a lot of cosmetics as Vitamin E. Contacted them to ask about a mascara to see if it was safe. Their response was so incredibly rude, I swore I would never touch a thing from them.

[@ersheri]

This episode resonates with more people than you may realize. As an older white straight woman that struggled with dyslexia, ADHD, OCD that was not recognized when I was growing up plus a Tomboy I struggled trying to figure out who I was and how to fit in. I graduated high school and felt I had zero options. I spent years either trying to please people or being blunt and pushing people away. Living up to others expectations never works and that’s taken me a lifetime to realize. Thank you for your insights and raw honesty in this episode. You’ve helped much more than you know!!

[@user-qg9il4go6e]

I don’t know if I have ever had something emotionally speak to me so much. I work at Sephora, I’m 21, I’m a gay man, live in NJ. So like a lot of your content speaks to me. But I’ve never had such an emotional response to a conversation like I have with this. Thank you so much. What you do is important and it changes people and makes them feel seen. So much love and respect.

[@maiadawncreighton1438]

Okay, dorky food historian moment... New Jersey is the diner capital of the world. It all started in the 1920s with lunch wagons in Rhode Island. Eventually, they spread all over the East Coast, and by the 1950s they were Nationwide. But you're correct, they started on the East Coast first. I love you guys and all that you do. You're both so inspirational and wonderfully real. ❤

[@blarg6298]

As a young woman, I have to say I notice the difference in the way people treat me when I have makeup on vs when I don’t and it’s astonishing, and sad. I agree with everything they’ve said here and I love that they posted this ❤️❤️

[@hoorayitsjackie6166]

Hearing your no expectations way of life is awesome because I’m newly Buddhist for a year and I’ve really been working on non attachment which is what you’re talking about. It can be life changing when you figure it out how to apply it irl.

[@Ryanneey]

Oh, love the video idea! I decided to let my natural gray grow out when I turned 40. I have some Stacey London streaks going, and I feel like a bad ass 😮

[@katherinekelly9689]

Hi Johnny and Kevin, wow this video raised some deep emotions,expectations can be so mixed, acceptance by our peers in the way we present ourselves can be a positive thing or have a negative emotional impact on your life, l am 56 1/2 years old, i grew up watching “THE SONNY & CHER SHOW “loving the fashion,skits and music,comedy on the show, cut to being a teenager in early 80’s still loving Cher& her music ( still do now), also inspired by Cindy Lauper, boy George- Culture Club, when creating colourful eyeshadow looks, because that’s me, & feeling accepted by my peers was a big deal then ,now at this age I seek no one’s approval just my own , I love you both for who you are- intelligent , beautiful ,kind ,creative men. Love Katherine xoxo

[@Mtns4]

Such a good episode: so much to process on so many different levels - thank you for speaking on all this. I’m going to be processing this all for some time.

[@maryeckel9682]

I'm going to need to rewatch more than once. So much honesty and wisdom from men who could be my grandsons.

[@milovely13]

It's so refreshing and impactful to have people in beauty calling out the industry. I also worked at a beauty retailer and lost myself trying to keep ip with trends and look a certain way. I left the industry for over five years and it was a big reset opportunity that i didn't even realize I needed. Now I'm in an adjacent industry (aesthetic dermatology) but the company approaches everything with fun and positivity and individuality so it's a very different experience than at the beauty retailer.

[@YogaCheryl]

Still watching the episode but I just had an A-Ha moment about the generations of gay teens. I'm 52 now and when I was in HS and college, we were all still at the tail end of the AIDS crisis so many of my gay peers were terrified that every sexual encounter might kill them so to think of a future was always darkened by history. Your generation hasn't really spoken up about not having any gay role-models to look up to since most of them would have come from my generation and they didn't make it to middle age. Thank you for bringing this up, it's really important for gay kids now to hear it and for your peers to feel seen.

[@YogaCheryl]

Oh Johnny, I was just diagnosed with ADHD at 52 literally a couple months ago. I'm grateful to have found a therapist who was also diagnosed as she went through menopause. Meds are a game changer IF you can find the right ones. Wishing you well on your journey! ❤

[@spunkymom2786]

I wanna give you guys a big hug and let you know you are loved. I appreciate how vulnerable and honest you are about these things. It gives us all a deeper understanding of someone’s else’s feelings and struggles and reminds us to treat each other with compassion and gentleness because you don’t know what they’re going through.

[@tiffc1859]

I'm so glad yous created this episode! I LOVE the relatable deep convos!! THANK YOU BOTH!!! I know I can relate to having expectations, and once I get to that goal, I'm still not happy!!! Slowly learning to let go, and just say fuck it..if it happens..it happens..trying to live in the moment instead of looking towards the future ❤ THESE episodes are my favorite..fuck the brands..lol

[@JuggrnautWraith13]

Thank you guys for this episode. As a 32 year old gay, who also loves makeup, and used to work used to work at Ulta (still my favorite job, my GM & DM ruined it for me and are why I quit), this episode hit home. I grew up in a very unwelcoming family, so it’s a bit different, and I didn’t get into makeup til my early-mid 20s, and I have felt everything you guys have felt. This is the only podcast I listen to it on a podcast app, but then also watch the videos on KZbin. You guys are so funny and so real. Being friends with you guys seems like it would be fun but not stressful (have you had stressful friendships? Do not like. Do not recommend) It’s really refreshing, and I love it. Please keep sharing all of your wisdoms, jokes, and opinions with us!

[@kristigibbons8520]

This has been my favorite episode to date. My son just came out at the age of 17. I admire him so much! I love the phrase Kevin made about being "unconventional". THAT has changed my thinking more than you will ever know!! THANK YOU both for showing vulnerability!

[@melissacoviello2886]

I recommend this to my 16 year old non binary child, they of course rolled their eyes at me because of course I have no idea about anything according to them. lol hopefully they watch it. The middle part was especially pertinent to them. I appreciated this episode.

[@marlastone17]

I love you guys so much. I know I am a straight woman who is 43 and works in beauty industry. I did not marry until I was 40. Something I truly thought was in my cards as an unconventional kid. I totally relate to this so much. Growing up in a conservative town and I never took the conventional road. It was way better than doing what I was suppose too. I need to find my balance and figure out how adult me is getting my younger me back.

[@studiouslaura]

Oh Kevin, I so needed to hear that about failure meaning you tried. I'm a 56 year old woman who is still carrying around the pain from having failed out of my Ph.D. program over 10 years ago. You and Johnny both are amazing. Hugs!

[@ericacm9035]

Johnny, I felt the EXACT same as a kid- I assumed I was going to die young because I could not even fathom what my future would even look like. I couldn't picture it, I couldn't even see past today. So now as an adult, it's like I'm in uncharted territory and I'm just living it one day at a time. Love you guys so much. ❤️

[@allym2560]

In THIS moment - y’all are doing exactly what you need to do. Rediscovering yourself, your passions, THE FUN side of why you originally got to this place. It’s hard. It means you have to dissect yourself. But it is worth it. I’m a (in my own opinion) successful practitioner of my craft (rehab massage) and make a damn good living doing it. And I’ve been doing it for 14 years with no plans to stop anytime soon. When I start to feel bored and lonely in my office working solo, I have to go back to my “why” and revisit my vision. It is so grounding to remind myself why I do this everyday. And then I started doing what y’all do - I teach. I share my passion and technics with a whole new crop of massage therapists. And what I tell them at least once a month is that “If you’re trying to do something and it’s really hard, you’re probably not meant to do that.” Keep doing and being YOU!! Love y’all! Big hugs and high fives!!

[@dakotahs.4185]

I'm dealing with a lot at home, and these videos mean so much to me.

[@Montanamountaingal]

I just want to hug you both ❤️ Here’s to the REAL episodes coming up!!! Your ride or die products, your self care routine, a full face of your favorite makeup you already own :)

[@nellieratt]

“Expectations are nothing but shackles “ 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@katrinaperez5254]

I want to hug each of you and let you know how loved you are. You two are so special. We all at one point in time are uncomfortable in our own skins. Finding oneself and being your authentic self is not easy. Makeup, hair and fashion can also be a double edged sword! You can hide who you are or it can empower you. My husband who is a Methodist pastor and myself have several children, one is bisexual and one who is a Lesbian and one who is on the Spectrum, we are so proud of all of our kids for being true to themselves! Our church and church family have also been super supportive of our children as they have become more comfortable in expressing who they are and living their authentic lives! Know that you are loved! ❤

[@LAURENH0823]

As a women with severe ADHD who was diagnosed at 4, Thank you. It is so hard to find resources to help cuz every therapist always gives the same answer and it never works. We are having to figure out what helps us ourselves and I’m so glad you found out about the community. ❤❤❤❤

[@mah4angel]

I think it’s so so worth exploring the impact of assuming a young end. I was in the same boat for a very long time, sometimes I still feel like death is right around the corner for me and it deeply affects the way I live my life and the way I built up my life. I so appreciate you sharing that perspective, Johnny. Kevin, I want to give you the biggest hug.