Insecurity or Empowerment? Unpacking Your Relationship with Beauty | BEAUTIFUL and BOTHERED | Ep. 73

On this week’s episode of Beautiful and Bothered, Johnny and Kevin unpack our potential motivations and expectations for beauty and whether it inspires or discourages our relationship with it. Do we wear makeup, maintain our hair, and use skincare motivated by self-expression and empowerment, or can cultural beauty standards and expectations create resentments and insecurities? If expectations are the root of all heartache, how can embracing self-expression and joy inspire self-love, confidence, and empowerment?
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[@user-lf5oz9ki8z]

I just want to wrap my arms around both of you and hold you tight. Kevin, you made me cry. I've had so many discussions like this with my own son (Yes, he's gay), trying so hard to make sure he knew he was loved, that he could tell me anything, that I would always be here to support him in any way I could, but always understanding that I just might not be enough. It's been a long, heart-wrenching journey, and I know the journey isn't over for any of us, but please know that you both are loved and adored, appreciated and respected for being exactly who you are. I know there are still so many people out there who just can't or won't accept you for who you are, but the numbers of us who do and will are growing, and we love you.

[@beautifulandbothered]

This is so kind and means the world to us ❤ thank you 😘

[@kchattx]

THIS!!

[@aprilrich807]

Nicely stated. 🫶

[@DarkFire1536]

You sound like a great mom! ❤

[@user-vl5bj6of2s]

I'm a 56 yr old straight woman .I watch you guys religiously. I can relate with so much of what you were talking about fitting in high school and even today because people are just nuts these days. I don't need all the negativity in my life that others bring. Love you. Thanks for the honest conversation. ❤❤❤

[@oracal1]

Similar, 53, mum of 3 and love their content, whether it’s makeup or mental health.

[@elmrkm]

59 👋🏻

[@jeffguenette6354]

Hey Johnny and Kevin. I adore you two. I'm a 65 year old retired gay male hairdresser ( I use that term because, truly, I am an old queen that loves nothing more than 'dressing' hair up) . I started my training in 1976 but my passion was makeup. The opportunities in makeup just weren't there yet (I'm from Ottawa, Canada). And like you guys, I had to get out of high school and be creative. So, Hairdressing it was. I got the chance to work for stage productions and drag shows on the side so that filled my need to do makeup. When MAC came along I was already decades into doing hair and wasn't brave enough to start all over. But I live my makeup fantasy career through you two. All the highs and lows of it all. Good job and thank you. Jeffrey Paul

[@alim4824]

I love how they switched hair colors from the beginning 😂🤣

[@beautifulandbothered]

Lmao we said the same thing when I dyed it! 😂

[@dear_totheheart]

@@beautifulandbothered Are you both look FINNNE~! Seriously, your colors look amazing on you both and so amazing to see you thriving

[@KarlyNicole]

Kevin is coming in heavy with the quotes and wisdom 🙌 "Failure implies I tried" 💙💜

[@dawntigga]

My sweet spot is a red lip. Anyone wearing a red lip is doing it for 2 reasons: 1) You're feeling it. 2) It's armour. You're going through something and faking it till you make it. I'm gonna cheer you on regardless of the reason.

[@EliseT_1012]

1. Johnny, your hair is FABULOUS. 2. Fellow former theater kid with ADHD… the ADHD bliss of living in the moment, experiencing your passion, is SO real. It’s the perfect dopamine rush. I wish I hadn’t tried to live up to others’ expectations of me by abandoning theater for more “realistic” or “practical” fields of study/career avenues. I didn’t know how much my ADHD brain needed to do what I truly loved in order to be happy. 3. 24:11 Kevin, I’m crying. Glad you’re still here. You are so loved. ❤

[@pandastrix4082]

Wow as a gay man who loves beauty and who is just on the edge of turning 20 this year, this episode is hitting so close to home. I struggled with mental illness my entire life and grew up in an extremely orthodox jewish community/ family where I too felt from such a young age that I was destined to die young because I couldn't comprehend a world that I deserved to have a future in. I am so grateful to have made it past the nightmare years of high school and being a teenager still alive and well. I am only now at my age learning how to love myself and the life I was given and have begun healing the scars that my upbringing left behind. I was also someone who never a day in their life felt beautiful, I was never comfortable in my own skin and self esteem has been a huge obstacle in my life for as long as I can remember as well as s--cid-al ideation. This podcast means so much to me and you two are truly so inspiring to me in a way that allows me to visualize how I can be myself and grow up to be successful and loved and confident. Thank you a million times to Johnny and Kevin for sharing your stories with us and know that it means the world to people like me. Love you guys sm!!

[@iamnotaconcept]

okay but why did Casey's call about the London broil make me tear up again?! He is such a tender bean and I love your love for him, Johnny. this is such a great episode.

[@sweetbabyasia]

I love that "tender bean" saying. Adding it to my lexicon.

[@caseyrobinson3820]

My eyes leaked so many times during this....I'm 39 a mum of 6 I went thru somewhat of a midlife crisis 3yrs ago....I didn't want to be here....I didn't know who I was outside of a mum...my x husband unalived himself....makeup was my saving grace....it became my safe place....and u guys became my church with this pod...I'm so grateful ur both here doing this....last seasons blooper episode is my favorite thing to watch when im having a shitty day....thank u for everything u guys do❤

[@dizzieblonde]

I'm glad you are still here Casey.

[@caseyrobinson3820]

@@dizzieblonde thank u so much....what a lovely thing to say. Not being here wasn't an option but finding myself and being proud of who iv become was hard.

[@maryeckel9682]

I'm glad you're still here.

[@umassigkap]

Oh Kevin , I am a mom and my heart broke for your adolescent self when you said you thought you were better off d3@d . I am so happy you are here. You bring so much joy to the beauty community . I hope if there is anyone struggling today that they hear this episode and know that deserve everything they want in life and you are loved . Also Happy Pride !

[@Amondra87]

Hyper fixation and executive function disorder are my bane and its effected my relationship with beauty. From being easily infulanced, over spending, then not having the motivation to wear it, even if I love how i look and put together

[@lisafranklin9089]

This is so real, hey twin💗🤎😘

[@Amondra87]

@@lisafranklin9089 We out here in the trenches trying to make it work

[@maryeckel9682]

Same, plus depression says why bother

[@EzraSprouts]

So relatable! Honestly my neurodivergence radar pings into overdrive in the beauty community, but I bet so much of it is overlooked cos of femme erasure within medical frameworks of adhd, autism and the neurospice cabinet

[@iamnotaconcept]

omg Kevin you have me in TEARS because I can remember feeling this SO STRONGLY as a queer young person. I love yall for having this conversation

[@dawntigga]

Church is in people. Today's podcast is paired with aperol spritz, I'm on leave tomorrow and this could get messy.

[@heather8330]

already 2 Sam Adams’ in… I feel you

[@heathervannatter364]

Hey girls I'm having a michalda!! Love having a drink or two with ya ❤

[@rswife777]

Love an aperol spritz! Guess I'll make one too!

[@stacyjane8014]

Hey, besties! I knocked over my glass of a really good cab, but luckily I have more and a cheap bottle of wine for later 😂 Cheers, y’all! 🍷

[@heathervannatter364]

@@stacyjane8014 cheers 🥂🥂🥂

[@cdlstoddard]

22:48 this convo just gave me an aha moment as well.. all of my family are (now) recovering addicts or dead. As a child, I was always told "you're just like your mama, you'll never be anything just like her" as an insult when I wouldn't just sit down and shut up whenever I felt like an adult wasn't doing what they should as an adult, so I literally couldn't look past that pain and doubt from those few dark moments, even when I had every teacher or counselor or responsible adults telling me how amazing and smart and compassionate and creative they thought I was. The good never outweighed the bad. So, at 15 years old I became a drug addict like my mom. I lost myself by hanging out with people way older than me, that were the type of people that put me down when I was younger. I literally sought out the type of life they told me I was only good for. I'm 29 now, with 4 beautiful daughters, a healthy relationship with a man whom adores me, I've been sober for several years, and I've finally got a decent entry level job that I'm interested in pursuing a degree in. I never imagined a future for myself where I was happy because I let a handful of people convince me I'd end myself young due to my own negligence. That's crazy.

[@jackselle4607]

As a corporate woman who worked her way into a senior leadership position, it’s been a challenge for me corporately to be taken seriously because I love fashion, hair, makeup, performing arts, etc. Since I turned 40, I have said F-it they’ll accept me for the badass mama I am, and it’s finally paying off where I feel I can straddle both worlds. Thank you both for this; it encourages me to remain true to myself with no reservations.

[@younkinsa1]

Kevin- I am just crying at you sharing your 13-16 story. I am so glad that you are still on this planet. I’m so glad you made it to this moment. Love you both to the moon and back ❤

[@hoorayitsjackie6166]

‘Expectations are premeditated resentments’ - Katya Zamolodchikova

[@katythriftyunder35homeowne57]

That feeling Kevin describes about makeup being a safety blanket- not being able to leave the house without makeup -- as a dancer & someone whose mother never left the house without makeup-- I felt that until just 2 years ago. My gosh-- it's so freeing to not feel that.

[@cosmicsugarcookie9067]

I love that at the beginning, Kevin was Brunette and Johnny was Blonde, then they slowly started looking more and more alike until they were twins in the last episode and have now swapped.

[@mcbarredowl]

I just graduated from art school yesterday, and this hit me so hard. I needed to hear this right now. I'm not going into beauty, but you both are such an inspiration, and this video really gave me the hope I needed right now to keep being excited about the future.

[@jnmrz72]

I really relate to this episode, not as a gay person but as someone who was seen as “undesirable”. Being an overweight teen I was an outcast. I was made to feel that I could only have a husband if I lost weight, I could be successful if I lost weight, I would belong if I lost weight, and one of my favs…”it’s a shame because you have such a pretty face”. Now all these years later it’s really hard to undo that thinking, which I couldn’t help but internalize. A person’s worth should NEVER be tied to their appearance and beauty. Thanks for sharing this

[@Undefinedinc]

I’m also (undiagnosed) ADHD and deal with the same productivity-guilt loop as an entrepreneur. And that Wizard of Oz analogy is soooo spot on 🤯

[@user-lf5oz9ki8z]

As I'm listening to your discussion (and completely relating to SO much of it), and I can't help but think that you're highlighting the simple questions we all face throughout our lives.... "What's the point? What's my purpose? What will bring my joy in life?" We've all been conditioned to think that our 'purpose' is supposed to be so obvious and concrete, only to discover that it's often been incorrected defined by people who don't even have a clue about their own lives let alone ours. The absolute hardest thing to do in life is to live precisely how we want to, because there's no end to people who line up specifically to criticize us for not adhering to their ideas of what we should be. Learning not to give a shit about what they think and want is liberating.

[@lexvirgilio]

Welcome to church everyone ❤❤

[@lisafranklin9089]

Hello sister❤

[@kndhmwk]

Not that I fucking cried through the whole episode?! 🥺 THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing... I can't relate to that more... I hope we can make our life better to feel & live through as the days goes while we are working on it... Let's do whatever we feel good❤ Who caaaarrreees🎉

[@EliseT_1012]

47:25 This is why I love that y’all have this podcast and that you’ve started a Patreon. I feel like every week, I see comments on your videos that are like “I don’t even use makeup, but y’all are so fun to watch.” And this is so true. We fell in love with YOU. No expectations. Screw the algorithm. Please do what you are passionate about, and we’ll support you and will love watching you. I do hope you find your makeup inspiration again, Johnny, but no expectations. I just hope you find it for YOU! I still think about that Kevyn Aucoin pod y’all did where you nerded out over every little detail from some of his most iconic looks. It was my favorite because you can just tell how much passion y’all have for this art form. Thank you. ❤

[@dawntigga]

I can only speak for me but, as a woman, I'm really used to being let down by pretty much everything. Through therapy I've learned the only person you can do it for is you. Can I just say though, what you do touches loads of people. Really love you guys, not in a stalker way because nobody needs that shit in their life.

[@melissacoviello2886]

I recommend this to my 16 year old non binary child, they of course rolled their eyes at me because of course I have no idea about anything according to them. lol hopefully they watch it. The middle part was especially pertinent to them. I appreciated this episode.

[@FashFabBeauty]

When he asked, "can I wear makeup to work?" I would love to meet the bosses or the people you worked for on your channel. Not so much the place, but the people outside of your family that helped 'validate' YOU! As a content creator that had staff that I employ, I strive to be good, do good, and hope one day this very conversation takes place and know they were safe here.🥰😍

[@Deadly_Beauties_Jewelry]

As someone who has ADHD and who has been diagnosed since the age of six, caffeine is a great tool background noise something that I’ve listened to 1000 times and noise canceling headphones when I’m trying to be productive.

[@sophiemorris8086]

This is going to sound strange but Kevin- the thumbnail is BEAUTIFUL. It conveys the emotion of the episode so effectively… your makeup, your expression. We appreciate you both so much for sharing so vulnerably 💜💜

[@Undefinedinc]

Yes yes yes to this!! My whole mission is to “undefine” the beauty industry. I also strongly believe that beauty starts in your head, not in mirror. TY for this important convo and happy pride 🌈

[@user-lf5oz9ki8z]

I love how you guys were discussing the event you'll be attending and Kevin was like, '... And I've planned out where we're going to eat...'. That's exactly what I do! And it's what I raised my son to do. My husband will say he wants us all to go somewhere and my son and I are like, "What kind of restaurants are nearby?" Girl, it's all about hte food!

[@lkbeirute1]

You are loved, admired, respected etc. Please don't sell yourself short. Wish I could hug you both. Shine as bright as you can. You are an inspiration to others. Big hugs, LisaKaye

[@jilljohnson251]

Kevin, Johnny, i just want to reach out and hug you both. You guys are so brave. There are people watching and listening, both young and old, who need to hear what you have to say. Love you both❤

[@isamarramos]

I really needed this today. I've felt so stuck in my life after becoming a stay at home mom of two baby girls. I feel horrible everyday because I never thought I would have kids or be married and now I have this family and life I only dreamed of. But along the way I lost myself. I recently tried some makeup that you both talked about on patreon. Going back to makeup has sparked something in me. I've been on zombie mama mode for the last 6 years. I used to think as a teenager I wouldn't live to see 33. I was so depressed and lost. Becoming a makeup freelancer saved me in a way. It gave me an outlet. It's full circle and I just want to thank you for having a platform for those os us who technically don't "fit" the standard of kissing ass on our way up the ladder. I love you both! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH. I cried throughout this episode!!

[@dawntigga]

Waves in ADHD. My fellow neurospicy people, the new notebook/diary isn't going to fix us. It's pretty though. Oh Kevin and Johnny. Sat here crying, the dark places tell seductive lies and the world is better with you in it.

[@ellieexisting2665]

I completely get where they are coming from. I think there needs to be a cultural shift of redefining “productivity” as a concept. It took me years to learn that rest in its truest and purest form for the person is EXTREMELY productive. In a culture that overvalues quantitative results (profits, hours worked, number of completed projects etc) it completely ignores the concept of qualitative value. If it serves the greater greed, it is more likely than not, at the cost of you

[@Dirtanddiamonds1]

Am I the only one spinning after watching this episode?!? As a small business owner, in a small town I am surrounded by so many traps of ppl pleasing which as funneled into my life as a whole and as I’m listening I’ve had so many epiphanies! A lot in my life needs to change! I live 90% for others and 10% just isn’t enough for me anymore! A huge thanks to Johnny & Kevin for this episode and for being so vulnerable🤍

[@GemReadsALot]

Well that was a therapy session I didn’t realise I needed 😂

[@DisobedientAvocado82]

Thank you talking about your struggles with mental health especially ADHD! I was diagnosed and medicated for ADHD when I was 10. Stopped taking it at 18. Just started adhd medication after trying to raw dog it for the last 15 years. I was so hesitant to start meds again. I tried everything I could and It was so hard to accept that I don't think I can do it on my own.

[@stacyjane8014]

I was diagnosed ages ago, long before the meds became the college kids new coffee I fought hard when I decided to stop the meds.. and the way I describe that time was like I felt underwater for years. I decided to go back on the meds and it was like putting on glasses when you can’t see Meds aren’t a commentary on you or who you are. Please do what works for you and don’t even think about anyone else’s opinion. You deserve to be the best version of you, however you get there.. ❤

[@DisobedientAvocado82]

@@stacyjane8014 Thank you! I appreciate that. It was a tough call. I didn't want another pill. I have auto immune issues, EDS, and arthritis. So I am on a bunch of different meds. It feels good to have a quiet brain for the first time in what feels like forever.

[@stacyjane8014]

@@DisobedientAvocado82 You are so welcome, and lawdy, I completely understand CRPS here.. I got to the point that it forcing the meds down made me gag I’ve worked hard to manage that stuff and get rid of the stuff that wasn’t helping, but I realized that the stuff that does is important Just know you aren’t alone. You are a warrior and only you know what helps And our beauty besties have helped convince me that sometimes I fight harder with a lil lipstick and some sass. Stay strong and as they always say.. you are beautiful

[@mundain8818]

“if you like doing it and you’re having fun doing it, you’ll find a way to live” are almost the exact words a childhood music teacher told me when i was younger. he was so wise and as kids we did not appreciate it (he was speculated to be gay, i went to a catholic school) and hearing that again is such a nice reminder. because those words always spoke to me. 🥺 ty for the reminder (also i will never not support you two talking abt your experience because while yes i grew up to be nonbinary i did grow up as a “gay boy” and the experience is the same 🫶🏼)

[@MYSTERIOMUSIK]

Johnny not wanting to unintentionally ruin Christmas for kids is such a thoughtful thing!!!

[@GiNgErSnAp-bh7eq]

Being 43 watching your existential crisis of 30 is nostalgic for me.

[@DRUNKBUNNY182]

I relate so much to thinking I would die young, not picturing or having dreams for a future, because I really was so sure I would not make it, because there was absolutely no way for me to. Then when I became an adult I realised there wasn't really anything I wanted to do or see, because I quite simply had not thought that far ahead. And all this time I thought I was the only one who felt this way. Hearing someone else talk about this is so powerful, thank you so much for sharing your stories.

[@melissamullen4673]

Johnny changed his hair! I love it: also, you guys always have such a real outlook on the beauty industry.

[@gloriasmess]

Johnny - love your brown hair. Top tip: I naturally have light ash brown/dark blonde hair. Davines sell a really good ash brown shampoo and a conditioner. When I was a child, the AIDS epidemic hit with a vengeance. In our formative years, there was no medication available here until 1996. The age of consent in the Britain is 16. My g*y friends were terrified, I was scared for them. The ones who have survived talk about it like they lived through a war (which in a way, they did). That’ll mess with your childhood memories. 🇬🇧 person here: what in the name of all that is holy is London Broil?

[@chickenleg002]

I think it is a steak.

[@gloriasmess]

@@chickenleg002 😂 if so, I hope that it’s good quality. The meat we produce in the UK and the EU in general is excellent.

[@maryeckel9682]

It's usually a top round steak that's marinated and grilled. A good one is an out of body experience; a bad one is a tough slab of sadness.

[@gloriasmess]

@@maryeckel9682 ‘a tough slab of sadness’ 😂😂😂

[@HazyDaze.]

Why do we live so much in our own heads to the point where it can become debilitating. We get so worried about what everyone else is going to think of us but in reality we’re not as interesting nor as captivating to others as we think we are so just do your thing and live your life. Be kind to others and be good to yourself. I love that Casey called in the middle of the therapy session with such a basic request…the reality of life! Thank you both for sharing.

[@lisgelfling1031]

this episode is THE ZEITGEIST of personal development and expression and of the beauty industry. Authenticity reigns supreme!!! So proud of you both and thank you for sharing!!!

[@samanthanapoli997]

As an aroace person and a woman with big dreams, I needed this conversation for many reasons. I don’t have any examples of people in my life or really in any media I like, for how my life can look. It’s so so hard. Thank you both so much for what you do. I know our struggles are not the same and I have the privilege of being straight passing, but I just wanted to thank you all the same for staying here and putting your authentic selves out there. I’m grateful for you both. You’re truly helping people 💕 Happy pride 🌈🎉

[@betsysloan4619]

Wow,What a powerful show! I am heterosexual female who felt like I never fit in anywhere! I suffered with depression for years. I never felt good enough enough and it is still a daily battle. My father told me I was ugly and made fun of my developing body. I have always been self conscious about how I look. Thankfully, I married someone who thought I was beautiful! My husband died four years ago after celebrating 39 years. My husband's journey with Early Onset Alzheimer's changed my life. I did videos,found my voice, and found my gifts to help people! I can't believe I now speak publicly! We all have to find ourselves ! I am a huge Mental Health Advocate and I go for counseling! Hugs and love to Johnny and Kevin!❤🤗🫂💜

[@Olivia-wx8eu]

Johnny, as a fellow late diagnosed adhder, i totally understand how you feel. Getting a diagnosis really changes your life and requires you to rethink how you think about yourself and what you knew. It goes from feelings of failure and hatred towards yourself to, my brain chemistry is different (adhd is a lack of dopamine) and that is why i am like xyz. Having a diagnosis for both my adhd (at 18) and autism (at 20) i think saved my life.

[@TheAlex3109]

I go to therapy on Tuesdays and when my roommate comes home from work we talk about the same topics. We call it trickle down therapy!

[@dakotahs.4185]

I'm dealing with a lot at home, and these videos mean so much to me.

[@user-lf5oz9ki8z]

The true beauty of beauty is that it actually has depth and texture and richness. This episode was truly beautiful for the exact same reason. I'll be heading over to Patreon after feeding my husband so I can enjoy you guys even more. And I just shared this episode with my son and I'm hoping we can discuss it tomorrow when we go to lunch together. Love you guys!

[@YogaCheryl]

Oh Johnny, I was just diagnosed with ADHD at 52 literally a couple months ago. I'm grateful to have found a therapist who was also diagnosed as she went through menopause. Meds are a game changer IF you can find the right ones. Wishing you well on your journey! ❤

[@maiadawncreighton1438]

Okay, dorky food historian moment... New Jersey is the diner capital of the world. It all started in the 1920s with lunch wagons in Rhode Island. Eventually, they spread all over the East Coast, and by the 1950s they were Nationwide. But you're correct, they started on the East Coast first. I love you guys and all that you do. You're both so inspirational and wonderfully real. ❤

[@EmmaHacker-kj9un]

I’ll miss you both singing “sisters sisters” together with your blonde hair but Jonny the brown hair looks great. I use purple shampoo when my brown hair gets brassy.

[@hoorayitsjackie6166]

Hearing your no expectations way of life is awesome because I’m newly Buddhist for a year and I’ve really been working on non attachment which is what you’re talking about. It can be life changing when you figure it out how to apply it irl.

[@mollyjane01]

I can’t even put into words how thought-provoking, heartfelt and just real this episode was. It meant a lot to me! Being born with a life-threatening, chronic illness with a life expectancy under 20 when I was born, I never saw a future for myself either. But here I am, 41, thanks to science & medical advancements. You just never freaking know. Thank you both for being so kind & raw all at the same time. Johnny-LOVE the hair 🤎 & Kevin-your makeup is STUNNING 💄. Love you both🤗🤗

[@susans2599]

Love you both so much!I'm old enough to be your grandmother, and love your realizations about the realities of life. Whenever I have lost my MOJO I focus on something else for a while, and eventually it comes back! Again, love you both !

[@CherrieWells]

I didn't realize I had ADHD until I was 45!!! Music helps me so much to concentrate but it cannot have lyrics. I usually listen, with headphones, to classical music so I can concentrate. ❤❤❤

[@majesticbeast4830]

This is such an important topic that doesn't get enough exposure in social media - it's not selling a product. More people need to realistically discuss their relationships to beauty and standards, etc. I love you both. I am not gay. I cannot fathom your struggles. But as a neurodivergent, I will always feel like I don't "fit in" with society. Thank you for your introspection, critiques of social norms and vulnerability. Don't get me wrong, I LUV some sassy critiques of products (a la Hautemess Tom) and other "non-serious" issues. But this content was needed.

[@jellybabybeauty8308]

to piggy back onto the conversation about expectation, every therapist i've had has said something along the lines of that the word 'should' is the worst swear word of all because nothing will ever reach the heights of fantasy shoulds. we need to live in the world, not a picture of the world we want.

[@MichelleTaye]

24:11 Kevin talking about this made me start to cry because as a young trans woman in america rn i feel the same way currently. I’m slowly starting to get out of it but i know exactly what that feeling is and it hurts like hell

[@ira_herself997]

I’m a 41 year old female from Eastern Europe, working in beauty since 2010. I try like Kevin even if I get refused in my business (I’m too independent to be hired) and I feel like Johnny sometimes, had an existential crisis because of my expectations. I decided to stop being a b&tch with myself and start being more of myself because money will come and life will happen, even if you’re happy or sad. ❤ I love your podcast. Keep doing what makes you you!

[@HazelwithaZ]

Music cannot ever sound as good as it did when we were about age 14 - it's a brain development fact, so it's ok! Thank you for this episode, it's incredibly open and honest. I feel like I'm right there with you both. 🖤 My therapist has been helping me sustain healthy habits during periods of apathy, theory being that the passion will cycle and I'll need good habits to be ready for it to come back, hopefully sooner than just waiting for it. Not sure if that makes sense, lol ❤ Also, I worked with a guy who said he peed in the pancake batter at McD's repeatedly. I don't eat anywhere with disgruntled employees... 😧😵

[@billyblue8827]

First of all…Happy Pride to you both. I sometimes feel like a broken record when I comment on your stuff but I just want to tell you all that you guys have seriously changed my life this year since I discovered your channel and podcast. I have grown with a lot of disdain for being gay, being in theatre, being into beauty and I didn’t know how to channel this fear I had. You guys have shown me that a life like this can mean something. I use to do things for everyone else but now I’m finally doing things for me. As a gay man in his thirties now I have more confidence in who I am just in the past year. I feel like I watch you guys for a chance to heal my inner child that never got to do things FOR HIM. I have recently started to express myself in more ways beyond gender identity. You guys have seriously given me a gift of confidence in being me and also knowledge of skincare and makeup and hair products that have also changed my whole life. I cannot express to you all how thankful that you two came into my life via this podcast. Truly thank you so much. From one 30 year old man to others, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH TO YOU BOTH.

[@YogaCheryl]

Still watching the episode but I just had an A-Ha moment about the generations of gay teens. I'm 52 now and when I was in HS and college, we were all still at the tail end of the AIDS crisis so many of my gay peers were terrified that every sexual encounter might kill them so to think of a future was always darkened by history. Your generation hasn't really spoken up about not having any gay role-models to look up to since most of them would have come from my generation and they didn't make it to middle age. Thank you for bringing this up, it's really important for gay kids now to hear it and for your peers to feel seen.

[@mah4angel]

“We were Monopoly pieces accidentally put in the game of Life.” I’m obsessed with this.

[@cordeliastockwell1837]

the other thing (well, 2 things) I want to mention is: the similarities to Buddhist principals in this convo (non-attachment to expectation, moments just being as they are) is outstanding :) 2nd thing: it's hard to do the things as you want them/love them/finding joy in them when they are your source of income because you are so dependent on the success of it, instead of doing it for the love of it even if it fails, doesn't end up as you wished

[@wkwheezy]

I'm currently going through a relatable struggle... I got a very specific degree for an industry I love, but it is one of the most homogenous industries I have ever seen. Personal style and self-expression are crucial in determining who will hire you. I've been rejected from jobs for the style of work I produce because it doesn't match the mainstream, so I've recently had to spend time creating an entire project in a style I totally HATE because, at the end of the day, I need a job. I need work, even though it kills me to be so dishonest to my true self. In theory, sure, jobs where my style are desired exist, but definitely in the minority, and I can't just pick up and move across the globe until I find it... I am struggling to cope with the fact I'm gonna have to live a lie for a while until I find a chance to break out, and it's tough.

[@maryeckel9682]

It especially sucks when you study and work for a "creative" thing and it ends up so stifling. Sending hugs and fuck ems

[@milovely13]

It's so refreshing and impactful to have people in beauty calling out the industry. I also worked at a beauty retailer and lost myself trying to keep ip with trends and look a certain way. I left the industry for over five years and it was a big reset opportunity that i didn't even realize I needed. Now I'm in an adjacent industry (aesthetic dermatology) but the company approaches everything with fun and positivity and individuality so it's a very different experience than at the beauty retailer.

[@Jo-nh4vw]

I went gray really young. I was covering grays in my 20s. At 34 I decided enough. I hated going to salons once a month for hours to dye my hair. And I hated doing it myself. I made the decision to grow out the gray hair. The response from women was so weird. Suddenly I was letting myself go or aging myself. I didn't care. I'm 40 now and I LOVE my gray hair. Beauty should be what makes you feel beautiful not society expectations. This is my small experience with that.

[@maryeckel9682]

Gray is glorious

[@shantidivination]

Kevin giving Mason Alexander Park as Desire in THE SANDMAN ❤

[@SupItsGina]

my dad passed away last september..he always said “don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed”..this episode reminded me of him thank you 💙

[@WhitneyShaleen]

I connect with this so so much. My mom’s a hair stylist and I was a makeup artist before becoming disabled. I love you two and I appreciate all the work you put into this. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@kateq7212]

This conversation is outstanding in its honesty and realism. I am retiring at the end of the month and I am going to enjoy every second of the rest of my life. So many people have expectations of what I am going to do, and I have been dogged with the expectations of myself and others all my life: parents, teachers, friends, lovers, work, children. I am throwing myself into everything I love. I have a new wardrobe of clothes, a new interest in make-up, a massive and growing collection of LPs. I am just going to exist in my happiest state. Fuck limitations. You are both so right, and I am grateful to you both for sharing this.

[@vivianhooper2609]

LOVE THE HAIR JOHNNY LOOKS SPECTACULAR ❤️❤️❤️

[@beautifulandbothered]

Thank you!! ❤

[@masonrexwhitton6892]

When Kevin said, if they aren’t looking at me for wearing makeup, they are staring at my pink hair. I teared up and it really hit me hard. I have screamed this from the roof tops for years. Not matter what I wear, i look different, I have coloured hair, lots of tattoos and usually wear very colourful or glam makeup everyday, people will look. But I had to come to terms with it and literally switch the perspective. I express myself so that people stare, and hopefully that one young boy sees me and sees himself. I love when strangers compliment or comment about me, because I know I’m being myself and it might change how they see themselves

[@LAURENH0823]

As a women with severe ADHD who was diagnosed at 4, Thank you. It is so hard to find resources to help cuz every therapist always gives the same answer and it never works. We are having to figure out what helps us ourselves and I’m so glad you found out about the community. ❤❤❤❤

[@nitasolis9235]

I so much identify with your feelings of being born in the wrong time and place. I'm an old lady, but I can remember feeling so different from everyone else. Life taught me to just be me, but it left scars. If I see either of you in real life, let me apologize in advance because I'm going to hug you so hard!! I look forward to the KZbin video every Sunday. XOXO

[@cathygiuliana9089]

Listening to this again, I can’t find the patreon videos but this is one of my favorite videos, not because it’s sad, it’s because it shows how real you and Kevin are! You are just like the rest of us, so relatable! There was a song in the 90’s by Michael Stipes called “Everybody Hurts.” If you ever get a chance, google this. It reminds me of this video! Jimmy Hoffa is holding up the columns in the Sports Complex in Secaucus. My brother just graduated college, he was an architectural engineer and and worked on that project when it was being constructed in early/mid seventies. We lived down the street my whole life. No one talked about Hoffa’s disappearance it was very hush hush! But everyone knows now that the Teamsters got him! Very powerful organization! One of the many in Jersey. My Uncle lived next door, he was mayor in my town for 13 years and was also on the Board of Directors for the Garden State! Lord the stories I heard! I could write a book but then I would probably get whacked too!🤣😂

[@nellieratt]

“Expectations are nothing but shackles “ 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@blarg6298]

As a young woman, I have to say I notice the difference in the way people treat me when I have makeup on vs when I don’t and it’s astonishing, and sad. I agree with everything they’ve said here and I love that they posted this ❤️❤️

[@londonhughes5986]

There’s also the embrace of femininity being an afab non-binary person. I like to use makeup for creative expression even though other traditional feminine aspects (on me) make my skin crawl. It’s really having the freedom to choose to wear what I want in a safe enough space and not let that expression determine the legitimacy of my gender identity.

[@lorimartino6496]

As a first grade teacher the things I heard parents say...do you think my child is gay, why is my child a loser, put my child with the popular kids, etc. Parents who didn't invite 1 child to a party because they weren't cool. The parents were the play ground mafia....and we wonder why we are here now.💔

[@user-qg9il4go6e]

I don’t know if I have ever had something emotionally speak to me so much. I work at Sephora, I’m 21, I’m a gay man, live in NJ. So like a lot of your content speaks to me. But I’ve never had such an emotional response to a conversation like I have with this. Thank you so much. What you do is important and it changes people and makes them feel seen. So much love and respect.

[@paulawilson1585]

Johnny, I’m so grateful you’re living a long healthy life and your assumption was false & I love your hair. Kevin, I’m sending you a hug for ever feeling that way when you were younger. This episode was all kinds of heavy but at the same time refreshing. Expectations truly are a bitch! Making an effort to be happy in the moment for whatever that moment is needs to be the norm! ❤ you guys!!

[@Okthatscool]

THIS is why representation matters!! THIS is why Pride is important. ❤🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[@nancynicolucci]

I'm 59 years old, and you guys are very wise and absolutely right. I think back to the 70's the music, the times, etc. Love you guys❤

[@PrairieDawnC]

Wow! Gentlemen, thank you for having this important conversation in public. A few days ago I had a brief exchange with another social media artist, also an openly gay and newlywed man. My question to him was how I, as a straight woman, could be an ally. Speaking out against bigotry and hatred is my first step. Do you have other ideas? He mentioned fear, which I could relate to as a woman; I sometimes feel scared of men. As I think about it more, though, I've never feared the judgment and potential for hatred from *everyone* around me. MY FEAR IS NOT THE SAME. I've also never questioned whether someone like me -- as straight, boring, vanilla and predictable as can be -- could have a future... or should be alive. I THINK I'M FINALLY GETTING IT. I'm so happy Johnny, Kevin, and my new friend Teddy are here. I appreciate your bravery. Keep talking! Keep advocating for what you need. I'm listening. Happy Pride Month!

[@beautifulandbothered]

Wow, this is so kind and incredible. What a gift you have to have such openness and empathy ❤️ That truly is our goal when sharing these stories. This means the world!

[@PrairieDawnC]

@@beautifulandbothered I'm going to Patreon. Love you!

[@YANEXiLOVE]

This episode gave me the chills. I was so beautifully bothered .

[@najetteroberts5553]

Can I just say I want to give ya both the biggest hugs!!! I feel so much empathy for what you both have been through. I wish someone had been there before for both of you. I just have so much love for both of you. Honestly!!! Just love. I am straight, white, a woman and married with 3 boys. I see you both completely! No judgment here. I am also a hs special education teacher in NY state. If I could ever help Johnny, let me know, Honestly. And love the brown hair. Or any hair color on you. Kevin, I love you just for you and how talented you are and loved. Never forget that. I also have lost a hs student to suicide. It is so tragic and sad. This child will always be a part of my life and heart. I hope whoever needs to hear this does. You both are gonna help so many people. Congratulations on the vulnerability to do it and do it openly. ❤❤❤

[@luze.spitzer9321]

My heart is breaking 💔 , and I can be your mom. I want to take that pain away. Sending love and hugs 🫂 🤗 ❤️ for the both of you.

[@comraderieco]

Ugh! I love that interaction when your husband calls about the London Broil. So sweet and loving.

[@ersheri]

This episode resonates with more people than you may realize. As an older white straight woman that struggled with dyslexia, ADHD, OCD that was not recognized when I was growing up plus a Tomboy I struggled trying to figure out who I was and how to fit in. I graduated high school and felt I had zero options. I spent years either trying to please people or being blunt and pushing people away. Living up to others expectations never works and that’s taken me a lifetime to realize. Thank you for your insights and raw honesty in this episode. You’ve helped much more than you know!!

[@aquamar1003]

1. Johnny: I love most natural hair colours more than dyed hair cause your natural colour mostly suits your complexion well. So love your hair, looks so nice, I really like it :) 2. Kevin: you are what gives me back my fun with makeup: only do it when you want to, do it for your self, fuck what others think is beautiful. And I love your looks. The liners, the blush, the lips, everything you do is so inspiring to me ! And in general thank you both for being so informative und teaching us.

[@kchattx]

Ok, wow! Didn’t think this was going to be such a deep episode and that I was going to cry. 21:46 I’ve always felt like I would die young too. I‘ve never been able even imagine what my future looks like and I’m 28 now. I never made that connection as to why I felt like that and still feel like that. Wow. I’ve just been trying to survive and have never felt safe or happy enough to picture it. 😢💙 Also, I’m so incredibly glad that you and Kevin are still here. You are such lights in this world. You are so loved. We love and accept you no matter what. 💙💙