Inside the mind of the ENFJ

[@Revelwoodie]

ENFJ here. The supposed chameleon-like ability of ENFJs to adapt themselves to different people and situations is the most misunderstood part of who we are. Some people perceive that as manipulative or "fake." And I hear you describing it here in much the same way, though I'm sure that wasn't your intention. Nonetheless, some of the language used here sounds more like an apt description of a sociopath. Which is ironic, considering that ENFJs are pretty much as close as you're going to get to the OPPOSITE of a sociopath. If I adapt myself to a person or situation, understand two things: 1) I'm not doing it consciously. At least not entirely. The conscious part is that I am always keenly aware of how I'm coming across to people. But the adaptational behavior you see comes naturally. I don't plan it, or craft it. I never walk up to a person and think to myself, "This person seems easily agitated. Therefore I will behave in a calm and non-confrontational way." It just happens. It isn't fake, and it isn't an act. It's just a matter of what part of my personality asserts itself under given conditions. 2) I'm not doing it to get anything out of people. It's important to point that out, because when people spot this aspect of our personalities, the ability to adapt, they perceive it as some kind of manipulation tactic. That's why I don't like your choice of the phrase "goal oriented." If I change the way I behave around a particular person, my only goal is to make them feel comfortable. I want them to feel liked. It's for them, not for me. As an ENFJ, the one thing I can't tolerate is seeing someone who is clearly unhappy or uncomfortable in a situation over which I have control. If I can make them feel better in their own skin, I will go out of my way to do that. No ulterior motives.

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

Finally someone else pointing this out! The enfj seems a highly misunderstood type in the typology community. Maybe it's related to the lower degree of enfj's who are into typology, so people rely more on descriptions they see from other people. Indeed, ENFJ's typically do not adapt to get something out of it. I find ENFJ's a bit reminding of the archetypical mother figure that has the best in mind for you and wants to encourage her child (the other people). Unlike the child, the mother sometimes acts different than she actually feels for the sake of the child, so the kid is not burdened with her bad mood. I have noticed that some people mistake smooth ESTP's for ENFJ's. ESTP's much more often do have alterior motives when they use their Fe. for anyone reading this: I'm not an ENFJ myself, so I am not making promotion for myself (however, my girlfriend is one!)

[@Revelwoodie]

@@PowerRedBullTypology I've noticed the same thing. There aren't many ENFJs hanging out on the internet. I'm a stay-at-home mom right now, and find myself with unscheduled and unexpected free time. If it weren't for that, lol, there is nothing I'd be less likely to be doing than watching KZbin videos about my personality. That's why I think ENFJs are underrepresented on the internet. It's rare to catch us here.

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

@@Revelwoodie Yeah that seems likely. My girlfriend is an ENFJ too and is never on youtube either

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

@@Revelwoodie what do you perceive to be missing from the internet, which causes such a low amount of enfj's to be here? Fe Human contact? Se reality?

[@Revelwoodie]

@@PowerRedBullTypology Well yes, a lot of the problem is lack of face to face, flesh to flesh contact. As I sit here now, actually, the only reason I'm answering this comment is because my husband is in the bathroom , lol, and my mother who was visiting me just went to the store (We live in a city, I'm the only one with a car, she shops when she visits). I'm not going to be on the internet if I have an opportunity to talk to people I can look in the eye. But there's another problem. The breakdown of civility on the internet. As an ENFJ, I absolutely DO believe in standards of human behavior to which everyone is bound. ENFJs are among the few people who unironically use the phrase "We live in a society." I believe that. I also enforce it in any social environment. I won't allow vulgar, aggressive, or bellicose behavior in my presence. Not for my personal benefit... I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. But when I see someone being bullied or harassed, I have to step in. I'm sure you can imagine the position that puts me in on the internet. I'm the "speech police." I'm the "hugboxer." The "Care Bear." If Care Bears were righteously indignant and ready for battle. That gets tiring. The internet is the exact opposite of the world that ENFJs envision when they think about how the world should be. It makes us feel like resistance fighters in Vichy France. At a certain point, most of us just say, "Fuck it" and concentrate on what we can do for the people around us in our lives. That's why ENFJs are usually the first ones to bail on a social media platform, even though we are the most genuinely social MBTI. In order to not go completely mad, we have to choose our battles. But if you see someone indignantly DEMANDING civility on the internet, and defending strangers for no apparent reason, that person is probably an ENFJ.

[@tls4022]

Only problem with being an ENFJ is that because we are people focused it can be extremely draining. And we forget to take care of ourselves.

[@onemoreguy4619]

Not me, when u been through that mill you sure learn better than others to ecognize and drop those individuals who are draining quickly and move on to people who you can actually bounce off

[@giubbyna6071]

I totally relate..

[@paulinaw8760]

Facts

[@tls4022]

@@onemoreguy4619 That honestly took me years to realize. I've only just begun to set my own boundaries with people. Something I was scared to do before because approval.

[@jadebyington9019]

@@tls4022 being around people lefts me up makes me happy. It’s only draining for me when I have to help a lot of people. It’s very hard for me to say no when people come to me. I’ll fall behind get so stressed that I can’t function and with COVID I can’t be with people anymore. I have never meet another enfj. Any chance you have any advice?

[@tomisakin]

I think about my future a lot and plan everything. It scare me when people don’t. I know what I want, exactly what I want, always.

[@thebiggusdonnus8453]

☝️

[@slickwise4011]

I find it odd or upsetting when I have conversations with people that don’t have many life goals. I try to hide my vision of what I will become because I feel like they will take it as a sense of bragging.

[@hcoop5251]

Same

[@aleeza3001]

As an ENFJ i agree with that. I really know what I want even when I was in high school. When I was still in high school I know that being in the medical, political, architectural or engineering courses would not work for me. And I know deep down that I wanna take Fine Arts so I took it, rn i don't have any regrets. I have plans for everything and I know i'm gonna achieve them. And so I would share my dreams and aspirations to my loved ones, but when me and my ex got into a fight he told me that i have too many plans and I should not be planning a lot because we're too young for that. After he said that, I felt bad then I felt like I was doing something wrong because I know what I want. Then I hated myself for knowing what I want and thought I should change myself because people my age (19-20s) doesn't know what they want. I hated my self for planning, I hated myself for having dreams and aspirations... after a while I forgot about it then I entered the world of MBTI and learned more about myself. I Discovered that I am just normal and that's just how I'm wired. I am really thankful for mbti because I started to love myself because of it.

[@lailapop4]

THIS

[@nalynnsansaneeyawet3136]

As an ENFJ, and I’m so extroverted it, admittedly, can be annoying to my introverted friends, (who make up the majority of my friends) and even my extroverted ones. I think this comes from the fact that I often feel lonely, even when I’m around other people. I can also become really bored and become intensely angry or sad when I’m alone. Despite that, it’s usually my ESFP or INTP friend who are actively engaging in social interaction with new people. I find I’m extremely quiet when meeting new people, and I’m not usually the one to initiate (surprisingly). If we aren’t close, you probably won’t believe me when I tell you I’m an extrovert. I’m very observant when meeting new people, just to get the sense of who you are as a person, and if your vibe is off, I probably won’t be very interested in becoming your friend. I’m very picky. It’s honestly so hard to describe lol, literally nobody understands what I’m trying to say when I try to explain it to them. I’m like a... quiet extroverted extrovert. Hopefully this makes sense and that fellow ENFJs can relate! ;) Edit: Damn I commented this quite a bit ago and didn't even realize all the traction I was getting I'm glad a lot of people can relate lol

[@grandcoasters]

I can relate to this so much! My newer friends were surprised when i told them i am an ENFJ, i was an easy going person, but as I'm getting older, I need to be picky to protect myself.

[@JoJo-cm4xu]

Holy shit same It sometines feels like u dont know what it is like being an extrovert and still, surrounded by ur friends u re the most annoying outcoming extrovert in existence xD (to every ENFJ who is reading this: pls dont feel offended, I really dont mean it that way)

[@esmeperezt]

LITERALLY ME omg i thought i was alone in feeling this way

[@glowingeyes5567]

I UNDERSTAND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[@cheahfeng4433]

yep, very agreeable :>

[@thondaar1863]

Im a ENFJ and my Friends see me as nearly TOO extrovert.

[@darkmadder762]

I'm also an enfj. I'm predominantly extroverted but I can spend alot of time alone. But I'm usually texting someone even when I'm alone

[@thegrimreaper4708]

Bruh that's so relatable

[@corrinemalachi28]

If I had not even a coin for every time I was told I am "too much" man. I'd be buying all of us Teslas

[@hardygal2]

ENFJ here. My coworkers actually thought I was introverted for the longest time because I didn’t really interact with them until they interacted with me, but that’s probably because I am a tad anxious, am scared of annoying people by talking, work under the constant assumption that everyone is an introvert who would prefer I don’t approach them without permission, and retail work is absolutely soul sucking

[@dsophie7816]

@@corrinemalachi28 same girl, it is so tiring! I really have to learn to not let that get to me or adapt and water down myself too much! Probably we should realise more that it is so lovely we are that lively, and we truly have the power to transform! Hope you know you're an amazing person and you don't need to constantly feel like you need to make yourself smaller

[@shawpaperiekas600]

Here’s the thing: I am an ENFJ and I loathe hypocrisy and deceit. Anything even bordering on not being genuine makes me feel uncomfortable. I strive to be 100% genuine but that doesn’t mean I can’t adjust my delivery so as to be tactful. It’s just... it’s like a dimmer light. The lamp is still itself, it’s just adjustable to differing needs.

[@gargervon8697]

True. I think the more two-faced stereotype comes from unhealthy ENFJs who allow their desire for validation from others (or their desire to validate others, which is also actually for their own validation when you come down to it) to overpower their principles. One other possible source is some people with a rigid idea that blunt = genuine and polite = fake.

[@aaronday7677]

Sorry but ENFJ;s are not genuine. Lead Fe is not a "be genuine" function. You can value genuineness but you aren't leading by example in that regard

[@grace-pd5qz]

THISSS

[@vivianaelizabethparedesgue8438]

As an ENFJ, I realize how being people-oriented can turn bad. I see the potential in people and help them to achieve their goals or, sometimes, the goals I want them to achieve, even if they don't want to. Another dark side of me as an ENFJ would be that I can also identify the weaknesses of people and sometimes use them in my favor. I am a teacher and I try hard to be "morally good" and help genuinely any time I can :)

[@lovewho]

Funnily enough I just released a new ENFJ video a few minutes ago. I really like this comment. Feel free to check out the LoveWho discord server if you haven’t already. It’s always great to have more ENFJs on there! The link for it is in the description of the videos ~ Nathan

[@downsjmmyjones101]

I have an ENFJ younger brother and an ENFJ roommate who I dated for 6 years. I can't get get away from the buggers. You were right from what I can tell. They're basically extroverted INFJs. I would suggest different advice. As an INTP who cares very little what other people think, I've noticed that nearly all of an ENFJ's problems come from how other people feel or what people think about them. I would suggest that ENFJs try to find out who THEY are and then try to find people who let them be that person.

[@kyrlics6515]

What's the intps problem

[@downsjmmyjones101]

@@kyrlics6515 I think a type's main problem can be found in the interaction between its dominant and inferior function. So for an INTP I would say that it's finding out how to lead with accuracy(Ti) and not sacrifice it for harmony(Fe) while also appealing to other people.

[@sarahhamdan5470]

I understand what you are saying, I am an ENFJ with an INTP brother, we don't see eye to eye on the whole "caring" thing, I reeeaally want what is best for him, but because he doesn't care AT ALL I have to watch him make mistakes I've made before, which breaks my heart! I feel like INTPs tend to not understand how and why ENFJs care so much, and ENFJs also can't wrap there minds around how INTPs don't care (even though we are really good at inderstanding people) and I think this might be tge most problematic in thier communication, do you agree? About the knowing who you are thing, I reeeaallly agree, because before I focused on knowing who I am ,I had alot more insecurities, I still do care about other people in general tho, I really cherish connections and relashionships, which can leave me hurt sometimes... I don't know if I should change that about myslef🤔

[@simplylethia]

I literally thought "Thanks, I needed that" 😻

[@Revelwoodie]

As an ENFJ, I would disagree with your assessment of ENFJs as people who need "find out who they are." We know who we are. But that isn't important to us. We are more interested in who YOU are. We are concerned about you when you say things like you "care very little what other people think." Why? No matter what our goals are, as a society, it's going to involve a mutual understanding of what we all think. Whether it's as something as seemingly intractable as solving global poverty, or something as simple as ensuring everyone has a good time at the party, "caring what other people think" is step ONE. That being said, I understand that some people have trouble navigating that social space. I don't want to shame or scold you for what you are. I want to help you. Even if that means being your human shield -- managing the social space, so you can hang back and contribute in your own way. I' m troubled that rather than see that symbiotic relationship, you seem to be disdainful of what the ENFJ is trying to offer. I hope I can change your mind. But either way, I'm on your side.

[@godsloveiswonderful]

One of my very close friends is an ENFJ, and she's simply awesome to be around! She knows when I'm feeling low, even if i try to hide it. She validates me in everything i do, even if it's something small. She's always there to remind me that it's okay for me to take time for myself, and that my feelings are relevant too. She's really easy to talk to, and she's a great listener. I love her so much!!! -ISFJ

[@larastale]

the last part when you said: "Doing nothing might be the best thing to do" really gives me chill. That is like the last thing I have in mind as ENFJ lol

[@palakrocks007]

This is like the first thing I have in mind as INFP lol

[@NapoleonCalland]

It's going against the grain so hard it raises sawdust. 😉

[@jonathanellis5811]

Firstly, thank you for titling my type as "the influencer" - "the giver" makes it sound like I exist solely to love others and help them achieve their dreams.

[@sweetea6550]

influencer doesn't sound any better. like some sort of manipulator or superficial level youtube celebrity

[@emstronners]

ENFJ here - damn this was accutate (the hot chocolate analogy hit home)

[@sarahhamdan5470]

Defenitaly! And I actually only take breaks when I convince myself that that time off is actually going to help me work harder, otherwise I would keep going!

[@sarahhamdan5470]

@@lovewho 😂 become an ENFJ i guess😂 It's the sence of purpose and that we can't waste time in this life that I think keeps me going🤷🏻‍♀️ I am a muslim, and looking more into that has taught me so much about how I need to keep doing good and helping others around me...

[@makelove1267]

emstronners so spot on me. Im sharing

[@erikawrob4369]

Me too!! I feel like I spend so much time caring about what other people think of me and if I tell other people that they get all fisty and tell me to stop or that that’s sad but I can’t stop and it is so frustrating!! Any tips?

[@siska_yuri]

@@sarahhamdan5470 same as Muslim and ENFJ helping others is a must , but I also remember that Allah said that we got a soul that we are responsible on it so I k my limit and never let myself over do , but I help the max I can 💜

[@gabrielam.7681]

Dear ENFJs, PLEASE NOTICE ME, I AM TRYING TO LOVE YOU. By a fellow INFP Ps : Please stop unintentionally breaking my heart, because it breaks my heart more to know that you are not doing it on purpose, but it is still being done and therefore is more painful.

[@RCAnderson42]

Man, this is the most accurate infp to enfj thing I've seen in a while...

[@mellobear1989]

BABY! I LOVE YOU TOO!~

[@strawberrymilk5618]

Infp love enfj? 👁👄👁 whattttt...

[@shaishai3920]

Dear INFPs, you're all so cute and lovable I wanna put you inside my pocket. -ISTP

[@carleylintner9]

Awwww! My heart!! 😟 ENFJ

[@allanapaoli1503]

My boyfriend is an ENFJ and I feel like you've just described him. He's really loving and kind to me, extremely good at helping me and others to achieve their goals. The Si part was actually funny 'cause I could remember him complaining hahaha . PS: I'm an INFP.

[@Trollout57]

As an ENFJ, I love you just because you're an INFP.

[@molly9654]

I am very much an ENFJ and I thought this was pretty spot-on. I never rest and frequently get sick or go through emotional struggles that I could probably avoid if I ever spent any time relaxing by myself. (During whatever sickness or struggle, I continue working and taking care of myself and those around me.) Probably every single close person I’ve ever had in my life has told me to CHILL OUT and take better care of myself. I am extremely goal-oriented and always planning ahead. I always execute-if I decide that I want something to happen, I immediately create a plan and start working towards it. I am brutally honest with people and am a firm believer in tough love... I feel like I would be doing a loved one a disservice by not pushing them towards personal growth and guiding them towards realizing and achieving their goals. I am almost too good at getting what I want and honestly my interpersonal skills are unnerving even to me at times. I am always worrying about the possibility that I could be horribly manipulative or that I don’t know myself that well at all. I’m confident and am always told that I could talk to anyone. I always pick up on the energy of those around me, and this makes it easy for me to get to know and gain the liking and respect of people I meet.

[@lovewho]

I'm glad you found it accurate! Excellent comment ~ Nathan

[@Erin_The_Lotus]

Enfj here and I just had my intj boyfriend read this and he said "I always tell you Erin to take time for yourself. It's literally insane that you put people above your own health."

[@lailapop4]

YOUR COMMENT ACCURACY IS SCARY THANK YOU FOR ARTICULATING IT

[@charlottebrown5081]

I'm an ENFJ and a doctor. Extremely goal orientated, once I have a vision I do anything in my power to achieve it, even if it means neglecting myself. Everyone comes to me for advice but get lost in people's problems thinking that I am having the same issue. Really good at reading people. I know what people want and can imitate that - as a result was really good in school was Head Girl. Don't really have a specific identity though, as always around people and hate being alone. I have a massive problem when my ideals don't fit reality, this shatters me. I have an idea of how reality is, but is probably too ideal and when reality hits it can break me or I don't register it at all. As I have grown older I have realised the plans and goals for others and yourself, don't always work out... but I always keep trying anyway as trying is better than not trying at all! We are emotional characters that are very invested with people. I hope this was insightful!!! I hope other ENFJs feel the same!

[@charlottebrown5081]

In addition, we are always trying to better ourselves. It's quite pathological.

[@charlottebrown5081]

YES! the bit about knowing what other people are feeling and want from you and being able to imitate that was so accurate it is uncanny.

[@christineherrmann205]

I have a feeling a ton of us become healers.

[@lordemed1]

Head girl??? bet the guys luved u.

[@glennsanagustin]

@Smush ENFJ doctor (infectious disease) here, also need advice on relationships 😅

[@michaelhenault4381]

Know two very well. One is a politician, the other a teacher. Both can read the mood of a crowd. That's the source of their influence powers. I think one of the reasons they both have known me for decades is that I am more book smart than either one. They enjoy asking me complicated questions which they use my analysis. They believe me personally and that's all they need.

[@melissa7777]

I worked with an ENFJ she was a social type, loved by everyone, enjoyed to meet new people and get everyone involved in conversations. She seemed to be more interested in the people/customers at work then anything else, wanted to know all about you, your thoughts, your life, your views, she didn't seem to have a huge opinion for herself on her preferences, but would sit with you for hours intrigued at your take on the world. She couldn't handle being alone, would leave her post to do another which involved people, to spend time with, she was like a people magnet, drawn towards any person she could socialise, and would draw others who loved to talk to her. As an ESTJ I found her interesting, her interactions with the world/people was very different then myself.

[@sweetea6550]

sounds like ESFJ to me

[@SarahLaurel]

Thank you I am ENFJ I have just spent 3 days recharging as I am finding January difficult. I feel guilt, but needed to wind down. I have a lot of people to reach out to and help this year. If alone I am anxious and over think, but team me up with others I automatically lead, and try to bring everyone's perspective into play.

[@cheflonnieg]

Sarah Jane Wells I really resonate with this

[@leilanij2567]

Hi fellow lovely ENFJ! I have learned not to feel guilty when resetting with self care. We need it because we give a lot and need it now and then.

[@artemissrijan473]

January difficult....😂😂😂😂😂....I wonder what you thought about the rest of the year then......😂🤣😂😂🤣

[@HarrisHawks]

danggg so accurate! Legit me the other day. Anxious and alone but my friends came over and I am all the sudden a little entertainer

[@lxf9914]

I personally know 4 ENFJs, they can be rather talkative. One of my friends was helping us move but wasn't really doing any lifting just talking. He is also a comedian by trade. Another ENFJ I know is very into political social movements. A modern day hippie but very sharp. The third one I know is super sharp and very into physics. He is always talking hypothetical mathematical concepts. And finally the 4th one use to be a MMA fighter. His dad was an ESTP and he had a rough childhood so he got kindof barbaric. But he now doesn't cut his hair or beard and smokes alot of weed. Always had the most tender heart and warm smile. As a kid he was known as "dancing boy" because he loved to dance at parties. ENFJs, like ENTJs, engage in Se child most obviously on the dance-floor I believe. Very care free with no concern of impressing or performing. Nfjs in general love to dance. They are also very generous people, if you are in need, they will try to bail you out. They definitely know the meaning of the phrase, 'my brothers keeper'.

[@Deanna_Marie_]

Great point as an ENFJ the only place I don't give a fuck is on the dance floor or w/my people that get me or mostly by myself ;) .

[@astronumerologybyangeli]

Wow i feel dragged

[@pepefroglive]

True. I know an ENFJ that got ENFJ on the 16 personality test that's very talkative as well.

[@IceKroontje]

As a ENFJ myself your right about the dancing part, when the music is on got to dance and i am pretty good at it.

[@flutenanyidk1806]

Yep. I dance. Any form of performance or self expression that I consider creative is intoxicating. Just as addictive as seeing the potential in someone and helping them bring it out or watching them fulfill it.

[@ajestlemonde]

Being ENFJ is hell. I'm single, which means I'm listless and always feeling anxious about that fact. I have conversations at the grocery store with random people... for no reason. If someone looks out-of-sorts I'll stop what I'm doing, no matter how important, and ask what's going on. I build teams and try to work with many different levels of my organization. Outside of work, I serve no purpose except to greet people on the hiking trails and ponder what to do if/when I ever meet anyone who can handle all of my emotions. Conversations with guys I'm interested in end up with the guy telling me "Here's my trauma and all my baggage!" I've even been dumped for "having my shit together and being intimidating" because of it. At work... I'm the "go to" guy that everyone wants on their team. I have to take time off to keep from burning out. I can handle an abnormal workload without complaint and organize the hell out of chaos when required. When I walk into a room people say "Oh Good! AJ is here! We don't have to worry. You are going to make this go away, right?" And I'm single AF.

[@ML-ps1kr]

I hope you will find someone in the future man🙏

[@msandls]

You sound wonderful and someone is sure to want to be there for you and appreciate you for all you do!!! 💕

[@karenk2409]

Lots of teachers are ENFJs. Go where the teachers are. There are loads of young elementary teachers looking for a guy like you!

[@truepeace3]

As an ENFJ, I can see potential and beauty in almost everyone. The main struggle for ENFJs is that we so completely identify with those around us, that we lose sight of who we really are, or even what we love in life. For years, I couldn’t tell you my favorite color and yet I’m a retired art teacher. I would take on the loves and likes of people I admired. Thankfully, I’m my own person now and it’s so freeing. It’s probably not a stretch to say we’re often late bloomers.

[@sweetea6550]

i absolutely agree. i sometimes struggle to answer simple personal questions. it feels almost impossible. sigh. but i got to an unhealthy state where i simply don't know who i am. and i am constantly self-seeking trying to fix this in order to be able to fit in and be someone better, be healthy and to be useful and helpful to those i love and wanna help. and for myself as well. i found out that my well-being is important for the well-being of others too, its interconnected

[@nachtegaelw5389]

My mum is an ENFJ, she’s very insightful into people, easily makes them feel comfortable & included in groups. She’s great at vision casting & carrying out plans in detail. She’s also super fun & spontaneous :) She feels lonely when not doing activities with others. Sometimes she’s overly sensitive emotionally. She’s so organized she sometimes gets stuck on small details & can’t focus on the larger picture. She can get frustrated & a bit passive aggressive when people don’t want to follow her vision. She can be a bit judgemental. But she cares so much about people she can usually reign those instincts in.

[@mrblondeheart9562]

(ENFJ-A male) I love being able to snap my fingers & change my personality. When I would party at my local university, I would be insanely nervous right before, but then I would take a deep breathe and become a totally different person. Confident, not afraid to talk to women or more witty than normal. Thing that sucks is I am constantly analyzing people while there and watching the room, I end up getting annoyed bec of all the fake personalities I see. Mine is genuine, it’s not an act. I just pull my energy into highlighting characteristics that benefit me in a given situation. I was bullied in school until I hit puberty, now I’m a “Chad” in the looks dep. So I maintained my geeky nature. I can fit in anywhere and make you believe I’m a different person if I want. My alter ego is a fun character I used to use. I never went to the Uni. I partied at but I had people swear they had seen me in their classes😂 But I keep my manipulative side under lock and key bec. that can become toxic very very fast. I tend to only use it during debates, arguments and when I’m really mad. I love my personality but I am just recently starting to understand everything about it. The good and the bad. Love the info you’re putting out there, keep it up!

[@johnboi7496]

My entire family and I mean like 90% of my very large family are ENFJ and this video is fairly accurate. They are very excepting and wonderful people. I will say that they are some of the smartest people I know. Being an ENTJ I am often the politician in the room but my family never treats me differently for my sometimes superficial disposition.

[@sarahhamdan5470]

That is so nice! I wish I could meat another ENFJ (I am an ENFJ)

[@tomisakin]

Once I love you, it’s stronger than anything

[@ifonlyunu994]

I meet ENFJs at social events around town. I am really close with an ENFJ. She's an attorney turned yoga instructor/business owner. She will have you supporting her cause in no time:) Her Si blindness can be a deterrent but she's such a great person. I know another one that owns a successful not for profit business. She loves the arts and travels a lot. Thank you for this video~entp.

[@featheramericangoodeagle]

It's hard for me to sit back and do nothing on my time off from work, but that is exactly what I have been doing on a weeklong holiday! I have no choice because it has been 100 degrees F every day of my staycation so far. The recharge has been a blessing. I work twelve-hour shifts at night and when I am off, I do not know when to chill. I have to do this and that, improve upon that which I have already done etc. etc. wearing myself out and ignoring the fact that I am overweight and need strength training yesterday. I have been quite the boat rocker at work, using my eloquence and influence to rally others to demand answers about the stability of our business because if I don't, they will roll over and let something bad happen to their career they have worked so hard at for many years. I can't let the ship go down without a fight. You are absolutely right about us, and it is surprising to hear that you don't personally have an ENFJ in your circle. Wishing you all the best from the U.S., Feather.

[@tomisakin]

I am More driven than smart.I can do whatever I want, cause I’ll go after it ruthlessly.

[@user-yj5jd9rf6x]

Same

[@TheElenaNumb]

My ENFJ friend is very goal oriented, yet is able to take a step back and assess! It is quite interesting how she does that! She knows how to get time off as well! This description is fully fitted for her! For a casual approach, this is actually accurate!

[@julianaduimstra4395]

I'm ENFJ! I never thought that my fear of living a comfortable life, and need to always be busy could be attributed to my personality in this way :) interesting!

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

comfortable life, in which way?

[@julianaduimstra4395]

@@PowerRedBullTypology like becoming complacent, to stop striving for excellence, to stop wanting to make a difference in the world, to stop chasing my dreams, and settle for a boring routine where I am not growing, I am not pushing myself, I'm not making an impact. Basically, I fear that I will not live a meaningful life of impact

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

@@julianaduimstra4395 why do you want to make an impact? Why does that matter?

[@julianaduimstra4395]

@@PowerRedBullTypology wow deep questions! I honestly don't see how someone's life can be meaningful without a positive impact on others. even on a smaller scale, like the role they played in a family, ex. they were the peacemaker, the glue holding members together. I also think this feeling is deeply rooted in my faith in God, He has given me a purpose, Jesus lived a life of impact that I want to imitate, I have found the truth of life and have a relation with the creator and the one who holds to words of eternal life, and I want others to have this too! what do you think of what I am saying? do you relate?

[@adj9541]

Juliana Duimstra I really can’t state how much I relate to all that you have commended.

[@aliksakantha6230]

ENFJ here. My best friend is also an ENFJ. Chameleons is not what you'd call us. I think having a strong personality and principles is why people trust you. Being objective as much as possible, being capable of understanding where your faults lay is how you can see why people would reject your help/advice. Being able to understand differences and standing a ground is how we find the admirable traits in those around you. Charming and seducing is not a the endgoal. People pleasing is not the endgame. If anything, being able to morph yourself would be selfindulging and honestly feels like waste of resource. It is doing things (tasks, social situations etc) better and a deep rooted understanding it takes involving everyone to do so. I think what people sometimes don't realise is ENFJs dont try to change people, they see people capable to make change happen and they see qualities superior to their own that can solve issues for others. Recruiting people or giving them a push feels like a need, because sometimes it feels like failing to take on the responsibility to so is what prevents small steps to be taken for a common good. All this said, there are a lot of things i resent in myself, that are manifestation of just this. I do seek personal space and time to achieve things that are relevant to just me but you can't turn off concern for others - especially when they see you as a trustworthy figure. It's a lifelong struggle of not finding the right balance, "taking one for the team", throwing yourself secret pity parties and honestly - rarely enjoying the results of the hard mental work you put in- because it feels like trying to keep everything and everyone together when no one cares about everything falling apart.

[@alexd1]

Spot on

[@oktawiafidelus4671]

Thank you. An INTJ sent me this video. I don't feel so strange with myself anymore. In general, I had the impression sometimes that I was deceiving myself with extraversion, but finally I understand. :) Btw, I think for the ENFJ, living with an INTJ (living together) is very beneficial. The ENFJ then allows themself more rest and a more introverted attitude.

[@muhammedpatel159]

ENFJ here. did the test a few days ago and just going through and having my own mind blown. I have been an award-winning salesperson (chameleon reference & goal-oriented). I am a project manager and entrepreneur. Exert influence on point hahaha social smoothness loooollll bro my life

[@sarahhamdan5470]

@@NathanJGlass you actually were very right! I hoped you would talk about things that hurt us or frustrate us the most maybe, just a suggestion🤷🏻‍♀️

[@sarahhamdan5470]

@Mohammed Patel I took it a while ago ,( I am an ENFJ too) and I have also been reeeally surprised by the videos and articles I've watched😂 like someone finally understands me😂 I recommend you check out Frank Jame's channel, he has different sketches with the personality types that are soo acurate as well!

[@dizzyheather]

I get depressed when I'm not around people. I thrive with people. However if they are too negative. I have a hard time battling with them to see a brighter side. I'm sensitive physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It can be difficult. I remember people their stories their lives in general. I'm built to tune into people regardless if I'm interested.

[@DOsorio369]

WOW ENFJ here...YOU NAILED IT!!!! Another thing that is difficult if you could is Lack of SI and TI has us struggle to communicate what we are trying to say in a direct and tangible manner. Keep up the great work

[@lovewho]

I love to hear from people who say my ramblings on KZbin are accurate in any way! Thank you for your comment ~ Nathan

[@SeannaGMondino]

I am ENFJ and so is my best friend. We are very easy to get to know. We look for ways to connect with who we are around but at the same time if we don't connect well or don't like what we see in you we can turn cold as ice and appear very standoffish. If you are around us long enough the warm charm you saw when you first meet us turns to a comfortable coldness as we don't feel we need to mask with you anymore and you see just how serious we actually are. I am always doing something for a reason, or toward a goal. Everything is future driven and that includes the goal to always remain in a comfortable sustainable path. We will sacrifice present comforts for the greater good of working toward the utopia which each ENFJ believes exists. Downside - I will sacrifice everything for the people close to me and it is very painful to pull that energy away from them and focus on ourselves as it is very draining to look after our own health when it takes from others comforts.

[@anotherguycalled6253]

As a ENFJ I can confirm that we change ourself story fit the room we are in. In the classroom I become a INTJ. At lunch I turn back into a ENFJ.

[@kikiejahn314]

Eight years of friendship with an ENFJ so I think I pretty much can describe. I am an ENFP so when we first met I find we were very much alike. To me, ENFJ is just like ENFP but the organized-with-a-goal version. No…i mean “super-duper organized version!” We both like to inspire people and help them grow. However, I do that more through creative means but he was like “let set this cause and establish a company.” And everything he does, he wont do it without asking the team of opinions. Even when he wanted to establish a company for a good cause he asked for consensus! The the cycle repeats throughout the running of the organization: asking for consensus before making a decision. Whenever he has an idea he was quick to share it on social media. And he expressed it with so much conviction that is so contagious. He doesnt have to do anything but just click on Live and he can just speak and express his idealistic way. His business is very systematic with clear goals and clearly assigned roles in the team. Whereas I as an ENFP dont think I can match that capability. Another difference is the ENFJ’s audacity to plan way ahead-like are you available next weekend, which is really a difficult question to ENFPs who often struggle to commit and like to keep options open

[@shawpaperiekas600]

Another thing: as extroverts ENFJs think things through verbally. So, as I talk to you my stance may seem to change, but it’s not that I’m being hypocritical, I’m just figuring out how I really feel about the sitch as I talk it out.

[@glennsanagustin]

I have an INTJ friend and she noticed this about me. Talking to her helps me process my thoughts and emotions over things.

[@zoemiecassette6230]

Can we have more videos about Enfj? Darkside & genius? 😇

[@SimchatHaMashiach]

I always test as an ENFJ. The adaptability and helpfulness are definitely true for me. The chameleon thing too, which can be scary. Grounded is true, and not focusing on logic. Knowing how to navigate different social situations and helping others improve themselves. I'm a big picture person and not into details, but I do really like tradition if it's meaningful to me. "Doing nothing is the best thing to do" has been the best thing I've done for myself during the pandemic. I used to be a constantly on-the-go person with lots of social outlets, but I find now I enjoy being home and reading more, or just getting together with one or two people. Sorry this is a stream of consciousness response--I have been writing it as I listen. Thanks for sharing these videos!

[@karenk2409]

ENFJ here, and I am absolutely appalled that anyone of my type would do deliberate harm. My J would not allow that, we are usually very ethical people.

[@yangyangfv]

ENFJ to the core here. Personally, being drained emotionally, mentally, physically is common to us and I believe of pure motives. Although secretly wanting affirmation from those we've helped or from other people. It gives us the charge we need and sometimes that's all it takes. Although these praises may not come to us, the ENFJ doesn't ask for it or merely does things for applause. it's just very very much attractive for us to be part of causing another person's greatness. And that, for me, is one of the ENFJ's selfish motives. Which can be quite ironic really 😂

[@bellabooo9774]

the thing is as an ENFJ I can't hurt anybody willingly, due to my caring nature I don't make enemies and I don't hurt others, because I'm caring. sure I can think about it all I want but once I see their face it's over I can't hurt others without bursting into tears that's why breaking up for me is so hard.

[@gernandtortizmaria2383]

I’m an ENFJ and understanding people’s feelings makes me feel like I’m invading their privacy, soI just try to help to make it up

[@bandchoir03]

I am an ENFJ and this is spot on.

[@lovewho]

Glad you found it accurate! ~ Nathan

[@jrfarr79]

ENFJ here. Spot on my friend

[@lovewho]

That’s really great to hear! Thank you.I don’t do enough videos on this type but I will definitely be adding much more in the future ~ Nathan

[@trevawhitmoyer682]

My personal mantra for many years now: Just because I *can,* doesn’t mean I should. Yes, you totally nailed us ENFJ’s!

[@vickycalderon]

enfj here and you were spot on fe we see such potential in people a lot we genuinely care for humanity and we want the world to better place ❤

[@sarahhamdan5470]

True!

[@vickycalderon]

@@sarahhamdan5470 yes so true girl are you an enfj?

[@sarahhamdan5470]

@@vickycalderon yes I am!

[@vickycalderon]

@@sarahhamdan5470 aww so happy to know youre an enfj you understand me lol

[@sarahhamdan5470]

@@vickycalderon ya I know, it is very hard to come across ENFJs ,I've never met one in real life... so this comments section is amazing for me😂

[@hastizand6215]

Actually as an ENFJ the company of my very dear INTP friends has been very helpful for me to develop my Ti. I remember hating the very debating nature of ENTPs since it always put me at a state of having to explain things with exessive logical detail, they ruined the harmony of the room, and it felt like a personal attack from their part which they were having fun executing. The company of my INTP friends has brought to life my detached rational side and now I very much love debating with ENTPs because I REALLY love the intellectual simulation they're capable of making, they're expert idea generators and it gives me the opportunity to polish my own ideas into improvement and I think I really owe it to my Ti development. If ENFJs in general work on their Ti-Ni loop they'll be able to get along with so many types better and become richer from within ^^

[@MrManbearpigyeti]

Nice! My wonderful mother is an enfj, my lovely father is an Intp. After almost 40 years of marriage and over 20 years still goin of working together and they still love each other n get along almost all the time. I’m an entp and my older brother is an intj.

[@awadada7]

ENFJ here. Very well done. I'm currently dating an INTJ so it's interesting to learn how different our personalities are.

[@diplomat2623]

As an Assertive ENFJ, I have retired from TO THE TEA being a social chameleon (I still naturally do it, but I’m now a little bit more myself around any and everyone-take it or leave it.). I’ve also stopped OVERLY caring about social harmony, I’ve also learned to slow down taking other people’s problems home with me and becoming frustrated with the person for not taking my advice. Eventually you, as an ENFJ, have to look at things very objectively and let them be what they are. Practice thinking more logically and factually vs emotionally. If the facts clearly state that this person doesn’t want to change and are stuck in their own turbulence despite your best efforts (or whatever the facts state about what’s bothering you) LET 👏🏽 IT 👏🏽 GO 👏🏽. And be truly content with what you’ve done. If an opportunity comes around again that requires your energy and attention, use your emotional intelligence! That’s our strong suit. (Only give your energy to a situation if it’s healthy and safe to do so. For example, please don’t give an abuser or a narcissistic ex another chance.) Continue to care, continue to use your Ni to read people and situations and help where help is needed. But even still, at some point learn to emotionally detach a little from the situation and move on with YOUR life and emotional well-being. Try not to spend all of your alone and free time obsessing over a situation or a person. But while you’re alone that’s a good time to use your extraverted sensing, do things you like, and take care of yourself. It’s all about balance. Bottom line, the biggest thing I would encourage my fellow ENFJ’s to do is to develop your Ti. That’s the only way any of what I’m encouraging can be done successfully. True, we can’t deny that we’re a big feeling type. Fe is our DOMINANT function. Trust me I know! I’ll never claim to be a “tough cookie” like the ENTJ’s. But at the end of the day, it’s important to look at the FACTS (good or bad) in a situation, accept it, eventually swallow your emotions, and move on. You’ll be happier, I promise. 😉💕

[@louisthewolf0816]

From the way u text I alrdy know u r an ENFJ (cuz that's the same way I text) & yes, the way u describe it, unfortunately, is what all ENFJs have to work through, or they will only bring harm to their own emotional health. This is a really good advice that needs to reach all ENFJs 🔥🔥🔥

[@diplomat2623]

@@louisthewolf0816 Lol thank you!! 😄😄

[@tinamariejohnson9574]

Thank you! This was very nice to read.

[@diplomat2623]

@@tinamariejohnson9574 Thank you!! 😄😄😄

[@laurenfrances92]

I think I needed this 😆thank you! 🤗💚

[@tomisakin]

I Can read people well, and move fast in relationships because I start with the potential then move back

[@momosauker]

You kinda know when it is gonna be over while it is starting.

[@gracieskeens2065]

49 year old female. I have known my type for at least 10 years and have studied my type and others. I cannot imagine ever being a con artist. We aren’t built that way. In searching my mind on this the only thing I can come up with is if they were using manipulation in order to work toward a greater good. However, I can’t say I know another ENFJ on a level that I could know I am for sure correct. Other than that the rest is spot on. I will add though that even if it may be best in the end, doing nothing is so difficult.

[@gracieskeens2065]

I was about to say the same thing. I cannot imagine an ENFJ working against anything. It would go completely against my grain to tear something down, especially for my own personal gain. The big picture, keeping all involved in mind, and getting the best outcome is the only way I can approach anything of any importance. I have been studying my type and others for at least 10 years as well. And oddly enough I am 49 also. I am a true ENFJ. And by what you have commented here I feel you are as well. I do not believe I have ever knowingly met another ENFJ. I think I have a casual friend who is one but I am still not sure. And I also agree with doing nothing being so hard. It is truly a blessing and a curse to be an ENFJ but I would say mostly a blessing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I appreciate the affirmation.

[@AwkwardSpaceOctopus]

I'm an ENFJ. That first point about seeing potential in people and then manipulating them into realizing it hit my core. O_o My friends used to ask me to put together their university class schedules. I help with their resumes and cover letters, tell them which jobs to apply for, and rehearse with them for interviews... I have done the research on what college a friend should go to and prepared an educational presentation on the pros and cons of each. I just... it's all coming from a good place, you know? I want my friends to be happy and succeed. And I'm REALLY good at organizing them for success. I enjoy the work and research. But sometimes I overstep, and I'm struggling to learn where that line is.

[@isbicror]

Present. A belated thank you for adding to the rare list of ENFJ videos. Analyzed quite well and constructively. -Ambivert-NFJ

[@JasonWorley321]

I am an ENFJ. The casual look is on point. Most of photos of me have been in that pose. Yes adaptable to identifies. Yes to everything you’ve shared. I started my career as a designer of websites, graphic designer, and storytelling to only to now designing businesses and people. My adaptability to identifies has also brought my career from design to brand identities. Fusing interpersonal skills of a brand for their audiences. I use phrases like, “I hope you understand where I’m coming by now,”. Resetting is a must when you absorb many energies. Thanks bud.

[@nararabbit1]

I would agree with most of this. I work in science as an ENFJ and I’ve had to develop a much stronger ability to logically argue (as science is data driven) than comes naturally to me. But, on the other hand, I get along very well with most people and don’t feel intimidated by those higher on the rungs than I. This networking/charm/friend-making skillset has made the typical aggravations of the workplace MUCH easier. It’s like a cheat code almost. No one likes to admit how much being liked impacts your life but it does. Even though I have my deficits, I wouldn’t want to be any other way.

[@MarlaS1979]

Hi I am Enfj, and I agree with your description!

[@lovewho]

Thank you! ~ Nathan

[@EdensApple80]

My previous corporate trainer was an ENFJ. Very bubbly, charming, extremely knowledgeable, she built the program from the ground up, and is on the national board of directors for the industry association. To stereotype she reminds me of the girl next door and class president/valedictorian. Loved her!

[@qwecatnip]

The ENFJ I know is like a very kind ENTJ. Like the ENTJ, he 'extroverts' his ambitions. Friends tease him for how big his ambitions are. In contrast, Ni doms' visions show in their actions and decisions. He gets teased a lot and his reaction is almost always to smile. If he does assert himself, it's very clumsy.

[@sarahhamdan5470]

This is defenitly relatable, I wish I could meat another ENFJ one day!

[@siska_yuri]

Yep specially the clumsy part and reactions 😂😂 just me! 😭

[@cameroncollie4142]

Great video! From my own experience and what I’ve noticed in other ENFJs, we’re often drawn to self improvement and self help books etc (in hopes of becoming an even better influence to those around us and the world at large). I’ve read descriptions of ENFJs that are filled with truisms, the type of characteristics that all the types have in some capacity. This, however, was a really accurate description with specific insights! Nicely done.

[@leilanij2567]

Hi, ENFJ here. Thanks for this summary. Pretty spot on. I find that I also rethink what I say to people because I often fear I’ve been too caring or too something and have offended someone by being “extra”.

[@evadedenbach1226]

I'm an ENFJ. People find me fun to be around, and often talk to me and give me their life stories. I find that a blessing and a curse about being an ENFJ. People also ask me for help.

[@gemmarium4337]

I’ve become good friends with an ENFJ and I find it absolutely fascinating how he is able to befriend almost anyone. I’ve never seen such talent with interpersonal skills. On any given day he’s texting or hanging out with like 10-20 people.

[@h0ph1p13]

ENFJ here. - I am in love with improving people. Also work very hard on improving myself. As years pass I have learned to be a bit more reserved and not go all out in attempts to change people and myself. Stopping myself from improving myself is hard but it works (lately) - You are completely right that ENFJs tend to ignore their health (and not set boundaries for others that need their attention) (sad, very sad face) - Some other creator I watched described ENFJs as "Tribe - first, self - second". For me it seems that other people and productivity are indeed VERY IMPORTANT. I have trouble stopping being active. I know several other ENFJs and although they are different people they also are very active in improving themselves and others around them (and often suffer from those ambitions as well) I am lucky to have my wife who is an INFP ans has Si so she's into the "Create the maximum bliss" for both of us and also does not judge me when I rarely search for my moments of comfort. I would love to listen to more of what you have to say so I subbed +bell. Good luck with your channel :)

[@mellobear1989]

I'm ENFJ!!! I always joke and say that I an extrovert but I seem more like an introvert because people drain me so much. And I love people. And I love different cultures that aren't my own. I'm also a person who feels immense guilt when I can't provide what my circle of loved ones. There's a lot of pressure to be the 'go to' person. I hate to disappoint.

[@JessBritvec]

I find that ENFJs have a good memory for specific types of things. I havnt really figured out exactly what they are but it’s probability Fe+Ni impactful type memories. One ENFJ I know remembered a friend of ours telling us that she thought her vitamin c serum and eyebrow pencil was stolen from her hotel room. Several days later he remembered exactly what was taken and asked her about it, even though I’m pretty sure he’s never used an eyebrow pencil or vitamin c on his face (but you never know, lol). For me the point was a few of her things were possibly stolen and I would have remember it as “her stuff,” and not specific items other than makeup/skincare related that maybe you wouldn’t notice were gone right away or could have rolled off the counter and be lost. That’s just one example, I know ENFJs who claim to have impaired memory who still have a knack for remembering something trivial someone said months ago. They can even use it to be sweet and do nice things for people, or be manipulative as you mentioned (not that those two are mutually exclusive).

[@someoneelsewhere9519]

Is it possible they were an esfj?

[@JessBritvec]

Someone Elsewhere probably not any of them. All the people I’m thinking of have pretty obvious or strong Ni. If I include people in my observations that I’m not 100% sure on their type I’ll mention it. And it’s not like Si users are the only people who are allowed to remember things. It’s just what and how you recall information.

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

@@JessBritvec The friend told the ENFJ the information about the serum, which basically made it being missing part of the Fe-connecting-to-people thing that came up in a conversation, instead of something that just connnected to his subjective experience as a human being (which is more Si). It's possible that if these things that were missing were his own things, it would be different and he would have forgotten it. ENFJ's do not tend to to forget stuff other people tell them. If that was the case, it would connecting with people in an Fe way very difficult (for example if they saw a person they met once again and would have forgotten their names). They tend not to forget these types of things.

[@JessBritvec]

P O W E R - R E D - B U L L This sounds pretty close to what I see happening. I’ve also noticed that some men, two of them I know are ENFJs will be somewhat familiar with makeup things or skincare when they aren’t into skincare, as a way to relate to women around them who are, wether it’s their significant other, sister, mother, whatever. They manage to do it in a way that connects them to people, rather than make someone feel alienated. I think that kk d of behavior goes along with what your saying. I’m still not sure how they remember the details though, like as opposed to remembering that she was worried a maid or someone was stealing from her, or that she would have to go buy that stuff again to replace what was lost/stolen, whatever her emotional state was read as. But I think maybe it’s the details they are using to connect with that person? Maybe Fi would remember all that stuff about her emotional experience, but for Fe the point is to show her that he remembered or show her that he understands the situation. I do know some ENFJs who know a lot of facts and trivia type things. Everyone can be a fan of something, not just ENFJs, but maybe remembering things like this is just a tool for them to connect with others. Sorry if this is somewhat incoherent, I’m just typing what I’m thinking.

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

@@JessBritvec Fe reminds me a lot of the archetypical mother figure who remembers all details about her child, but possibly not about herself anymore since she had a baby. The child requires the mother to have an accurate and clear view of all the details that are needed to nurture the child. However, the mother can no longer behave like her own authentic because she the child requires specific care, whether the mother is in the mood for it or not. The archetical child reminds me of the (Fi) which seeks to find it's identity (fi trait) and is in the position to still behave fully authentic (Fi) because that's part of finding their identity and they do not have responsibility to take care of another person (Fe). The mother will influence (Fe) the child in order to learn new things and to deveop itself, usually with good intententions. I think Te is basically hte archetypical father figure (who gets stuff done that is needed)

[@kdy0407]

I am an ENFJ! I love how accurately you put my personality into words. Giving it a thumbs up 👍

[@yuiezi]

you did really good on this .. it's extremely honest and clear cut. it's simple, truthful and kind of hits everything -enfj

[@erikhellman9972]

Wow. I'm impressed. I was ready to critique, but most of what you said was spot on. Very accurate. More so than most short videos on the topic, even those by other ENFJ:s, in my opinion.

[@carringtonbeauchamp]

Enfj here....often times I like Se over indulge binge on dopamine - Food, Netflix, etc.... except I tend to self shame and be depressed about that way more than other types who allow and enjoy and are intentional about it. Mine is always at burn out and then I shame cycle for not “getting anything done.” So, I do often get lazy and over indulge/rest, but I don’t have a healthy cycle/relationship with work and rest. I think something you missed is our self critical behavior. Wanting to desperately hold up tribe validation plus that lower Ti, makes us almost feel unaware of how great we actually are doing. Just super high standards for ourselves. Zero expectations on others lol. You mentioned that the Se in the third slot can make us interested in showing off nice things. I think our function stack also makes us perfectly in tune with sensing who is the most influential and important person in the room, and caring deeply about connecting with them. This plays into that status need, but mostly just serves Fe. If I can work with someone like that, I can help more people and have more influence. Thanks for sharing!

[@jonathanellis5811]

I’m an ENFJ, and I felt really well-loved by this. Very accurate!

[@taloraflaneryward3075]

Pretty dang accurate. The only thing i didnt quite vibe with was flaunting materialistic items. As an enfj i have found one of my best attributes in management was that i was never phased by the money or material things but im open minded enough to consider the alternative concept.

[@shawnchampion4102]

For someone who says they don't personally know any ENFJ's he totally wrote this video about me... 🤣 The strengths and the weaknesses. Well done sir.

[@lovewho]

Thank you very much for this! The most recent video is “the darkside of the ENFJ”- feel free to check it out! ~ Nathan

[@shawnchampion4102]

@@lovewho I actually watched that video first and then this one! Well done. Thank you for your insight.

[@tomisakin]

I’ll always choose my heart over my head. Even when I know better

[@laragardner1446]

The first minute I’m like YUP! ENFP partner of an ENFJ and he’s so freaking good with people and always helping me moderate my weaknesses and bolster my strengths.

[@jenniferkeller3800]

This was so accurate! Thank you for making this.

[@lindagarcia5908]

I am an ENFJ my INTP now ENTP friend has taught me about the Meyers Briggs. I saw his potential and have tried to help him to give him his best chance in a world where it’s harder for us minorities. He says I have helped him make the tough career decisions pulling the trigger on jobs he wasn’t appreciated at but before knowing me would have just conformed himself to them he is now more extroverted and more in tune with his feelings having an Extroverted feelings friends and another introverted feelings friend

[@khadhija7]

4:54 well I'm an INFP yet I related to that on a spiritual level 😳

[@taki1255]

AYYYYY WAZZUP SIS 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@loungecat]

Same and yeet army

[@centsiblecooking]

Appreciate your video, it helped me to understand myself better as I am very much an ENFJ and always have been. I'm relieved you said that you didn't know any ENFJ's, since I have thought exactly the same thing. Even my INFP husband of 35 years says exactly the same thing. It would be really nice to know other ENFJ's, but I haven't ever had that opportunity, even with knowing very large amounts of people in many scenarios around the country for my whole life.. I wouldn't say that I'm ever being disingenuous, I think I'm very true to myself. But, that being said, I definitely do limit myself at times. For instance, I try hard to feel out exactly how much involvement someone does, or doesn't, want from me and then act accordingly. It's hard for me to hold back from being as engaged/involved/loving/caring as I want to be, but I completely value everyone's free will and will not force myself on anyone disinterested in my involvement with them. On another forum, a guy said that the thing he noted in ENFJ's is that they "bail". I agree with that, given that I will feel out the situation and if someone seems uninterested in me engaging with them (or even hostile towards it), I will get a sense of that very quickly and move on right away. I want to ensure that I am focusing on people and situations that will allow me to give what I have and be who I am. In terms of pushing themselves to the point of neglecting physical comfort, it's just such an incredibly low priority for me, I just couldn't care less about it. With my "goal mode" negating time for TLC, the way I would explain it is that my goals/work "are" the TLC for me. The work is the really fun part for me, my work IS my recreation. I don't seek a break from it at all because it is so incredibly enjoyable for me, to the point where doing downtime type activities can be stressful for me because they are keeping me from what I really enjoy and want to be doing. Thank you again, love your videos!

[@coastalfamily]

ENFJ here as well. Starting at 4:30 Unaccepting of traditionalism...Very true WITH the distinction that an ENFJ can strongly appreciate the *value* of certain traditions and the justification for developing traditions in general, BUT if a given tradition simply does not make sense (ex. today's antiquated school practices; long-standing but toxic family gatherings; etc.) an ENFJ can view these as a existentially wasteful. Unaware of own physical needs... spot on, hate that, because as a parent ENFJ leading by example is married to encouraging your child's fulfillment of their potential. Bad memory for specific examples... spot on - an ENFJ can absorb the underlying truth of a situation and "file it away" with their developing understanding of how life works, so the principle will stick, but the case details have a much lower likelihood of being retained. GREAT video!!

[@noemerida29]

Hi! I’m an ENFJ too, the chamaleon situation is very true. Lately i’ve been noticing how draining social gatherings can be to me, and this has reached exhaustion whenever i get home. To anyone that is reading this, please remember to take care of yourselves too, let people do the talking and enjoy yourselves with your friends too… thanks!

[@lovewho]

This is a really great comment, thank you for writing it. That’s a really interesting point about ENFJs being drained by social interaction, that hadn’t occurred to me since they’re extraverts but I think it makes total sense. If you haven’t already then feel free to check out the LoveWho discord server. It’s always cool to have more ENFJs on there to chat with! ~ Nathan

[@Lauren-ki3xn]

ENFJ here! This was SO on point! Subscribed!

[@fierybookworm]

I'm an ENFP and transitory ENFJ, because there are times when I will try to manipulate words and situations to my benefit. It doesn't work well on ISTJs or other ENFJs. However I would say that we tend to "stock up" information. We enjoy "arming" ourselves with new things, especially knowledge, to fire on any "enemies." "Enemies" being anyone, even friends, that we want to influence. You're correct about adjusting for "maximum bliss." I don't think any ENFJ can go on forever, which is why most of us are a bit transitory. :) Thanks for the great video!

[@SrushtSyamand]

As an enfj I have rewatched every single enfj video on this channel even though I hope there would be more I still think your videos about enfjs are the most accurate ones thank u ☺️

[@sheilia7164]

As an ENFJ, I agree we are like chameleons. One time while playing a session of D&D as a cameo as ourselves, one of my friends got upset with me. He was very frustrated that I was blending and melding into the situation. I actually got upset because I told him it helps me handle situations and that's just how I am. That was before I found out my personality type. Now it makes sense why I do that!

[@matt_kitson_]

Any other INTPs our there who love ENFJs the most? I find their friendships so useful

[@JR-ow8xg]

I have an INTP friend, my Ti is very drawn to him. Our friendship is one of the best I ever had.

[@amralqatawy2212]

I'm an Enfj-A I love your content, keep going.

[@efrathag74]

Your clarifications as ENFJs writing here were super teaching... so i am glad something pushed you yo write here and claim intentions properly... BUT... ! I actually didn't hear him saying anything bad. I don't know why you see it as psychopathic like description. Not at all! I know a few enfj and his description matched a lot with how they show up. But non of it was bad. including goal oriented... That is VERY amazing in enfjs. They are on the go go go. He didn't necessarily meant (or at least how i have understood him) to have a goal with people and thus manipulating them(although i have seen less healthy people enfj do that skillfully too.. and admitting it to me). But I guess if you heard it like that than it might sound this way to some others as well. So the clarification is spot on good to have any way. So i am here just to say i think he was giving good description and i think you may have taken it in one other interpretation possible.

[@loafoffloof3420]

My big brother is an ENFJ (currently 19) with aspergers and I am an INFP-T (currently 14). He is talkative, charismatic, energetic, idealistic, popular with his friends, political, religious, formal, very sensitive to criticism, and believes that everyone is a child inside no matter what.

[@kaboomgaming4255]

That last part really resonates with me. I always look at people to try and see their inner child. It feels like that's what makes them seem real. This comment kind of makes me feel like I am an enfj, even though I might not be and I have been able to relate to all of the types, some more than others.

[@grumpyschnauzer]

I love your videos! Hope you continue doing more!

[@alignyourselfwithbethany7069]

ENFJ here and most of this sounded accurate. My main barriers at the moment are overworking towards my goals and digging deep into self analysis without taking care of my mental state, lacking confidence in speaking and often don't feel listed to or understood. I also get very annoyed when talking to someone I see as closed minded and not willing to admit and change their fears and hypocrisy while at the same time I try to understand and think I understand their perspective but it often sounds limited and incomplete to me. When I am feeling confident to speak I can tend to offend people without directly attacking them although my intentions are to express what I think and I try to keep their best interest in mind. Best interest to me= helping them to function better in themselves

[@lovewho]

It's always great to have comments from ENFJs here since we don't have many videos of them on here! ~ Nathan

[@nadiaellan2243]

I'm an ENFJ too...and i promise I resonate with every word you have just written...wow

[@nassunajacqueline8074]

hahaha....i laughed so hard....this is pure truth

[@allisong.4280]

ENFJ and this is 100% spot on. Great analysis!

[@lucykate3093]

ENFJ 👋🏽 Edit: just finished watching, so true about pushing to past the point of looking after yourself physically, I’ve literally been bed bound because I’ve pushed too hard and triggered periods of chronic fatigue 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

[@tiswhatitis07]

ENFJ- Soo Accurate. May I say that I love the casualness and the way you've described the type. BRAVO!! Now sometimes the fact that I in order to do something I just need to get the more capable people and not use my own brain much thing doesn't work. I'm 17 and as you can guess that in group works people are assigned. What I've learnt is, I don't need to get the most capable people. I can help them to bring out the best in them, in typically the time period for the work to be done ( 2 or 3 days) People have IMMENSE potential and I'm not even exaggerating when I say they can rock the world. So I'm not too worried if I didn't get the most intelligent team. I know that no matter who I have, they are amazing and can get me the winner trophy.

[@TheEliasNoel]

I am an ENFJ and this is pretty spot on. When I argue intention is just as important the”facts” for example if someone lies but does so with good intent it’s different than when it’s done maliciously. Also the never taking time to rest thing is also spot on.

[@john_dee1431]

Good video. My last academic mentor was an ENFJ which fits.

[@rowby1081]

An ENFJ's detailed take on this. In part one towards the very end you said, "slowly and subtly, bring them into that existence." I agree with the slowly but subtly is not necessarily the approach I take. It is subtle when dealing with children who couldn't understand the picture painted behind closed eyes but an ENFJ wont get the recognition they crave if theyre being subtle. As for the "morally bankrupt" ENFJ: Id say you are totally right. They can gauge a group of peoples emotions and predict their responses to statements. You say con artist i agree. Id also add people who exploit others using religion would more often then not be ENFJ. Im sure we can all imagine the movie character preacher wooing a crowd and being shown to his loyal followers as the perfect example while the main character (i avoided using "protagonist" for 16 personality reasons) knows whats behind the villians smile. As for the 3rd trait: Ive been able to carryout my orders under pressure (i make my living partly in emergency response) But as for flashy things they dont have much appeal. Finding pleasure around flashy people tho is something they would enjoy. (I dont find much joy in this anymore but... I was 20 once upon a time.) One dangerous thing about them, is "leading on" a potential romantic partner. They can be "perfect" for a moment and tend to people's feelings but not actually be interested in a long term romantic partnership with that indivdual. And you hit the nail on the head again! Yes they trade raw natural intelligence for "charm" and balance the skills they need more of by working their contacts. And when those contacts cant share their intelligence in person or to my current audience I often regurgitate the TI's words and shared thoughts. My roommates are an INTP and an ENTP when i enter a debate with them I only argue points that i know and what can be proven: An ENFJ has their "pet cause." If a cause is purely emotional its unlikey that an ENFJ will adopt it (unless they are self serving) but rather they will grow emotional bonds towards a logical cause. In short I view an ENFJ's emotions as a result of a logical cause. I do struggle to understand introverted concepts. Seeing whats right in front of them is a struggle. I can share a clear vision of steps 2-16 but fail to see step one. "Unaccepting of traditionalism" yes, table manners never made anysense to me. "Unaware of their physical needs" I eat healthy and workout so that i can live long, feel good, and see how hardwork turns to growth. Cleaning and maintaining my home tho... That thought does not often cross my mind haha. "having a bad memory for specific examples" I find this to be the case when it comes to casual things but important moments and quotes are remembered perfectly. "Devaluing comfort" Yes, absolutely: I have slept on the floor for 9 years in a row now, I choose off brand food and drink, if it means spending more time with my contacts ill have some rugged sleep in my car instead of driving home. As far as doing nothing to recharge. I shamefully agree. I couldn't play video games or watch movies alone, Id only be stressed thinking, "this is a waste of time". Naps. Naps are freaking great. Naps are the best waste of time.

[@sushimooon]

As an Infp, I love you- beautiful, lovely, wOnderful, understanding ENFJ’s. So much. 🥺 I aspire to have your presence and ability to be in the moment