Insomnia- How to Fall Asleep When your Brain Won't Shut Up!

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If you are lying in bed trying to go to sleep, and find your mind racing, feeling anxious, what's the next best step to stop the anxiety cycle? -Jenny
You all know that feeling. I’ve been there, You’ve got a big day ahead, or you’ve had a long day behind you, you really need to sleep, you’re soooo tired, but when you finally lay down, your mind starts running, you worry about everything, or you can’t stop thinking about all the mistakes you made throughout the day.
You can feel your stress levels rise, and despite your best efforts, you can’t sleep. And that makes you more anxious, which perpetuates the cycle, and on it goes. You desperately want to sleep, but your brain won’t shut up. In this video you’ll learn why your brain doesn’t trust you to process these thoughts during the day. And, there is something you can do about this. So, let’s talk about the science behind why your brain gets stuck doing this, and 3 things you can do to escape that cycle:
1. Accept that trying to force yourself to not think about something backfires
2. Let your brain run the update
3. Gentle distraction in limited doses
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In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
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[@ned1621]

Best advice for this I found is you can't just stop the thoughts, it's impossible just allow the thought to come but don't latch onto it and then just let it go. Be aware and just say oh that's an anxious thought I'm not going there. If your body is anxious it will be telling the brain your in danger, so an anxious nervous system full of cortisol and adrenaline will generate these thoughts, just be aware of this, it's not your fault and don't beat yourself up over it... Allow it to pass...

[@hEalShineandgRow]

Yeah but when we are tired it's so hard to be that conscious enough at that time to do this

[@ned1621]

@@hEalShineandgRow Yes I know and it takes practice

[@sleepwellsite]

Watch videos with rain sound like forest, birds, green trees, cats and dogs. Nauture is your best sleep meditation.

[@JoanSidtrack]

A secret here. I take L Tryptophan from Best Naturals brand 1000mg tablet puts you to sleep. You can also use magnesium OIL from life flow brand. And the best ear plugs for sleep Howard Leight MAX-1 Uncorded Earplugs.

[@nd6821]

My favourite is Categories - pick a category (foods, people's names, cars, whatever, as specific or general as you like) then think of something in that category that starts with A, then one that starts with B etc. Sounds corny but I don't remember ever making it halfway through the alphabet. Gives your mind something completely safe to do.

[@dustypink4802]

That actually sounds amazing, thank you! I'm going to try this and also tell my Mum who has chronic insomnia.

[@narmlawrence7594]

I'm gonna try this hopefully I'll be asleep soon!

[@NonchalantWalrusParty]

I recently came across a YT short that detailed a similar exercise and it's been working wonders for me. Think of a word between 5 and 10 letters long- like Mountain, then think of unique words that start with M, then O, then U etc until you finish the word mountain, then keep picking new words. Wish I knew the name of this method- apparently there was a scientific study done on its efficacy.

[@nathanialalvarez2024]

I honestly dont know how i would survive without this channel existing

[@stewbugz5213]

Right there with you

[@knot_kisses]

Same

[@tessamarie2691]

Same. I was just thinking and telling ppl

[@user-uq2ti7tj6k]

A couple years ago I had some terrible insomnia related to my anxiety and I took to listening to podcasts. In particular one called Sleep With Me. He's a really compassionate guy who seems to understand that his listeners' plight and he goes out of his way to be as boring as possible. He watches the British Bake Off and gives a play by play, tells random stories, reads old catalogs. He jokes it is the podcast you don't listen to - because hopefully you'll be asleep. And it really works for me. I'm out before he gets through his 15 minutes intros. It's like that feeling of hearing a friend or family member in the other room talking. It's comforting and distracting. Sometimes I go for my normal podcasts but I hate to sleep through some of them so sometimes that's too distracting too.

[@songbanana8]

The French Whisperer or Lights Out Library are like that, they cover all kinds of topics in very calm quiet voices. Your brain gets interested in the topic and then somehow you drift off…

[@michellefaith900]

That works for me too time from time! Listening to something positive helps for some people definitely.

[@dherman0001]

I put history podcasts on low volume and turn on the fan next to me. Asleep fast!

[@EvelynIrwin]

What I’ve found the most helpful when I worry late at night is treating myself with compassion that it’s not my fault that I have anxiety. I also purposely slow down my breathing because taking action to show your body that you are safe and can rest will help your thoughts become more calming

[@leslieg9406]

My husband falls asleep within 5 minutes. Years ago, I asked him how he does it, he said he just stops thinking. He made it sound so simple, but his answer only left me frustrated because I couldn't shut my mind off. I'm now in the habit of falling asleep while reading from my Kindle. I wouldn't be surprised if this affects women more than men.

[@marysanders3860]

I have a friend who says all men have the nothing box in their mind and they (including himself) can just go sit in it and think nothing, at all, at any time. That's as weird to me as he found women talking to each other in the restroom.

[@daveh.354]

@@marysanders3860 That is definitely not true.

[@stuffedlittlehouse-nhanhon6843]

I'm a man and I'm suffering from mind won't shut down at night. So, it's not true

[@Galfrid]

Hear hear! I am also a man who has struggled with this. I cannot detach from my thoughts and emotions like flipping a switch. It may be more personality based, not gender. Good luck, fellow sufferers

[@jaimiteter1085]

My dad did the same thing. He told me he enjoyed just being. Not thinking. I do it at times and enjoy it. Best wishes.

[@christinepetersen1103]

I switch to a different part of my brain when I can't sleep. Using creativity, I visually design clothing, home decor, decorate cakes or think of cute ways to display merchandise. I am careful to make sure my visualizations are colorful and cheery. Works 90% of the time.

[@rhondadownes207]

When I’m having trouble falling asleep, I’ve recently started going through the alphabet and for each letter naming a fruit, vegetable, or herb and it definitely redirects my thoughts. Some letters are hard and if I can’t think of anything that goes with a letter, I just skip it and go to the next one.

[@alices.9186]

I would just add reading a good book as a distraction, whatever time it is in the night. Thank you so much from Italy 🙏

[@Trumpgettingcheeksclappedinpri]

Parlo Italiano

[@rosemaryclarke2348]

Good idea; I'm listening to Terry Pratchett's Discworld series!

[@kotulkin]

What helped to overcome my long-time insomnia was walking those 10,000 steps/day, better in some natural environment, and listening to tolstoy's audiobooks in bed, 10 min of war and peace - and I'm done

[@clairepare3510]

My worst is having depression and anxiety thoughts pop into my head the minute I open my eyes

[@Isco_55f]

I was like that too it will eventually go away soon

[@bridiewright1519]

Hardest time is when I can't sleep and when I 1st wake in morning, it's only you and your mind

[@rufusthebrave]

I've learned stop being frustrated by trying to fall asleep. I give myself permission to rest instead. I remind myself that's what I'm doing.. soothing the invitation for rest rather than battling sleep that does not want to come.

[@jhj6636]

I've learned so much from you, Emma. I was diagnosed as Autistic in 2021. Sensory and emotional overwhelm are ongoing concerns. I've since created routines and activities to process thoughts, feelings, emotions and so-on. My home is orderly and often quiet - like a sanctuary, and I try to balance work, chores and rest. During the day, I make time to write notes and draw diagrams to process. I can then share these with others if I want. An examination of conscience at bedtime supports me to process the day - with gratitude - and to sleep. If I wake in the night anxious thoughts can occupy my mind. I use a prayer rope or prayer beads to focus my attention, and I attempt to regulate my breathing at the same time. It takes practice to form habits, like getting to bed at a reasonable time, and monitoring internet use - but it's well worth the effort.

[@karenswartz8280]

I have bipolar disorder, and those intrusive thoughts are often there. I’m happy to say that I do practice many of the tips you gave, and they are helpful. My sleep is good for the most part. Another thing I find helpful is to make sure my bedroom is a place of sleep and rest (and intimacy, of course), but I don’t allow TV or food in that space. Personally, I don’t let myself scroll on my phone. I use it to read until I’m sleepy, or listen to calming music or ASMAR. Then it’s shut off. 42 years of working night shift helped me learn these things.

[@SaturnAmethyst]

I was just laying awake worrying and then the triggering event (that so happened to be one of my worries) occurred and I had a full-blown panic attack. I am so glad I found this video!

[@janek9535]

Haven't watched yet, but thanks in advance as it's 5am and I hope to be asleep in 11 minutes.

[@thecatholiccorner]

Times of anxiety is also time of prayer for myself. Not only can i give my worries to God, but I can pray about them and ask for His help. Once I start praying, especially my Rosary, I end up falling asleep. ❤

[@jdawg8]

As a fellow clinician and church member, I really appreciate the work you put into these videos Emma, keep up the great work!!

[@Safe_Place_MentalHeath]

Been there! Thanks for explaining why our brains go into overdrive at night and offering solutions. Excited to try these 3 steps to escape the anxiety cycle and finally get some rest!

[@angel.heart007]

1000% me and it’s awful. I don’t even think of a job or a busy day ahead. I constantly think of all health things related. Or world news that worry me. I start to think… “what’s that weird feeling in my chest, something wrong with my heart, why does my leg hurt, is that a headache or a tumor”. I worry about my grown children if they’re eating right, I wonder if people I saw on the news are okay. Ugh.. my brain is just non stop. I’m exhausted by 5am when I finally fall asleep. I will try these tips for sure. Thank you for this video🤞🏼🙏🏼

[@xbriannaxbananax]

I suggest not watching the news! It's so stressful and they know they get more views the worse their stories are, so they show us the most terrible things! I quit news years ago and will never go back.

[@Connorxchess]

You’re not alone. I struggle with those crappy health related thoughts too. They can really suck and cause anxiety about anxiety… it just turns into a negative spiral. Hopefully this channel is helping you like it’s helping me 🙏🏽

[@angel.heart007]

@@xbriannaxbananax I agree 💯 and I try not to but I still see it every so often. But you’re absolutely right!

[@angel.heart007]

@@Connorxchess I’m sorry you’re feeling and going through this too. It’s never ending. Some days are better than others but it comes right back. But yes videos like this help a lot. Hope you’re doing well🤍

[@loridyson569]

I repeat to myself in my head (not out loud) : I love God, I love Jesus, please help me fall asleep. I love God, I love Jesus, please help me fall asleep. While repeating this also do a calm beathing pattern.

[@laurela6626]

I do something similar. I say the 23rd Psalm in my mind and visualize it as I go through it. I’m going to learn another one soon. I have a hard time memorizing scripture unless I can visualize it, so it’ll have to be one I can visualize also. Helps a ton. God bless 😊

[@keyaunna.]

my therapist recently referred me to your channel, and I've been binging your videos on anxiety and emotional dysregulation. thank you for providing this outlet :)

[@a_lovley_garden661]

I have this thing where going to sleep makes me nervous, like laying down and closing my eyes makes me anxious😭 idk how to calm down and sleep even when I’m tired

[@another20sth]

Wow just in time for bedtime

[@malps7028]

I’ve been feeling tired, and sad. Having to live with having trouble feeling happiness, being myself, always having this fear of vomit when I feel sensations in my stomach or heard of ways of getting sick, growing up, and others things is the most difficult thing in my life. I don’t know what to do about it. I honestly feel like giving up. Being a kid was way much better than I am now. I don’t want to face this fear or sadness.

[@dustypink4802]

Ever since havng anxiety, I've listened to audiobooks or podcasts to help me get to sleep. My favouite sleep podcast at the moment is 'Listen to Sleep' with Erik Ireland who has the most soothing, grandfatherly voice and writes all his own simple and not too engaging stories. They're usually about self discovery and self compassion, told through the eyes of woodland characters (Erik lives in a cabin in a forest). It's really comforting. My all time favourite audio book to listen to is 'Winnie the Pooh', dramatised by Judi Dench, Stephen Fry, Jane Horrocks, Geoffrey Palmer and a whole host of others. It's super sweet and comforting and makes me feel like a kid again. I hope maybe these help some of you too 😊❤

[@douglaswilliams5794]

I like to redirect my mind to things like camping, fishing, cooking, and less stressful situations. It has become easier over time through practice and more practice.

[@maleenajewelry]

To postpone your worries for 5 pm was great advice. I did it a few times and it works nice:))

[@alanhunton2625]

Love this lady. Delivers her subjects in a calm, controlled manner

[@ichsanharja]

Heyy, I listen to the Fall of Civilizations podcasts for some time now, too. It really helps me to fall asleep!

[@chrisbentleywalkingandrambling]

Simon Whistler 12hrs loops of Decoding The Unknown works for me. Might not work for others. He has that sort of voice.

[@crispaynoodIes]

I journal everything as it comes up, or as soon as I can after it comes up, and that helps. Having silent decompress time with a physical activity helps too

[@Trjlal]

So true! So, so true! Journaling ❤

[@rossprairietraveler974]

I sleep with earbuds. When my brain won't shut up, I just focus on the music. I have chronic pain and actually started sleeping with ear buds to help focus on something other than pain but realized it also worked for slowing my brain down.

[@TinaAStoffelArts]

Thank you for all of your helpful videos.

[@niesson9456]

I have seen the video on scheduled worry and brain dump, thr acknowledge technique i was taught in therapy and my sound healing. I think i used to do custom visualization when i was muuuu h younger and was able to pick what dream to have, i miss that. Ive had mostly nightmares the past decade, and before that is just the anxiety, and the past 2 nights, Ive had Hazbin Hotel's song Poison playing on loop, but since i dont know the lyrics, it just plays what it knows. X.x I really need to get back to journaling, gratitude journal, brain dump and scheduled worry. Ive been distracting ymswlf so much that I couldve researched or done what I knew better, but it took seeing this video on my feed to tell me.. And even then, ive been on break from psychology videos... sometimes i feel overwhelmed.. not really sure why. Even when Im interested and know it will help. So thank you.

[@LilMsLorelei]

So true….Excellent reminders!

[@shannon8254]

I struggle with this a lot! I tend to worry at night because I don't have any distractions. To do this, I imagine a scene where I am on a date with my crush, and we go to a fancy restaurant, and talk about our lives. Then, we have to go to Europe to rescue these monkeys who stole from a bank. Something like that. Silly mind games put me to sleep. I try not to think about what is bothering me at night and focus on silly mind episodes. I also do some relaxation techniques, such as coloring in my adult coloring book an hour before I go to bed. I try to set a worry time hours before bed, which helps me.

[@KMF3]

Great ideas 💡

[@shannon8254]

@@KMF3 If mind games don't work, I lie in bed, listen to a boring podcast, and then I fall asleep. I recommend listening to Gina Ryan who hosts Anxiety Coaches Podcast on apple podcasts, if you have an iPhone.

[@myscreen2urs]

Have you manifested any of these scenarios in real life? Apparently, visualizing while falling asleep is supposed to manifest it in real life

[@shannon8254]

@@myscreen2urs no. Monkeys stealing from banks don’t happen in real life. I just make up silly stories because they are more entertaining. These scenarios don’t have to be real.

[@KMF3]

@@myscreen2urs manifest? Don't play around with that stuff.

[@franckdhersin3442]

Many thanks for all your videos. They are very helpfull, both for anxiety fighting and english learning ! Cheers from France !

[@alexrechkin7]

Just what I needed, thank you, Emma. You are amazing, love you!

[@ilove6344]

Like this advice. Will definitely tty. Thank you Emma!

[@ikasugami8066]

I find watching ASMR when I go to bed to be so helpful with redirecting my attention to help me fall asleep. But of course it works best when I have done my journaling before dinner, which is my "worry time".

[@slaphappybullet]

Thank you so much. Your videos have helped me a lot in the last six months, which has been the worst period of my life. Your informative, kind disposition has helped to bring hope that I’ll get through it all and see better days.

[@Amar_ami812]

You’re helping me a lot. Thanks!

[@xBuckfuddr]

I just want to say Thank you

[@rashidk2022]

Thank you so so much I appreciate your honesty thoughtfulness on giving time for the brain 🧠 to do it works while i think ❤❤❤

[@brianbrenton1025]

For me, it's Futurama. It's familiar and just makes me feel like I'm in a safe place.

[@invno1ynv-ubu36]

Great question! Excellent advice. Thank you

[@jessie5553]

Thankyou so much for making this video!

[@mollycote1021]

I so needed this video‼️Thank you‼️🙏🏼💯

[@beatleme2]

Replace anxiety and worry for grief also in loss situations to deal with grief im learning the hard way n got insomnia since my wife passed last year unexpected of cervix cancer in 3 months thinking it was menopause n butt pain but was a tumor was on 50 :(.. Replaying the pain n loosing her is so awful why her why me - but yeah got to deal or sit with it doing nothing else ill try, thanks

[@EB-gt1pq]

I’m so sorry. Pls keep your mind busy

[@SaddamHussain-ex6yi]

THANKS AMMA

[@soulbrother3299]

Ty!! When i have money available im definitely gifting your efforts!❤❤❤❤ just to understand im not crazy bc i feel alone. Ty God ty!!!!! Ive been miserable. To the point it effects everything around me. Your my hero!

[@br9791]

I pray rosary. Repeating same prayer works like meditation. Sometimes it doesn't work.

[@ArabianLady]

I love leaves on a stream. I need to start doing it again.❤

[@sherylbeamer7189]

Excellent advice thank you ✝️🙏🏼💕

[@JPEaglesandKatz]

I have one non related tip.. The music on this video is too loud... But thanks for the tips! Very useful!

[@Phoca_Vitulina]

So useful, thank you. I love your videos so much and it's been really helpful

[@Robnevergoeslive]

Ty

[@RJones-tn5vg]

I have a hard time getting quiet time. This explains so much.

[@blazemordly9746]

Emma what are your thoughts on binaural beats in so much of the “sleep music” we see on KZbin, good or bad?

[@Ryantanker]

6:58 your accent completely changed when you said home 😮

[@alexrechkin7]

Fall of the civilizations podcast is awesome! Cool taste, Emma)

[@dee5356]

Thank you! Great video Emma!

[@maryanemejico6581]

hi..watching from philipines

[@jasminjaeger]

Thank you 😊 perfect timing of the video

[@evs8859]

I love this channel. Thank you❤

[@susantydeman1566]

Fantastic help, many thanks.

[@karlenedavies6655]

Great information on sleep Thank you

[@michellefindlay9972]

Excellent! Thank you!

[@ShannonHassouneh-gg9gn]

Thank you so very much.

[@BlairChasteen]

Scheduled worry time sounds like an extreme anxiety provocation

[@gamerz6173]

You are so kind may Allah bless you for sharing valuable knowledge

[@NimbleNita]

It is a pretty fabulous pink elephant

[@js119]

So awesome. You're a Wiz!

[@Sun-c1h9v]

My brain is literally replaying old stuffs

[@menestes94]

Great content, thank you!

[@TheDookistan]

I tried leaves on a stream and all it did was stress me out because i couldn't do it. Then i came across an article about aphantasia and figured it why I couldn't picture them in my head.

[@wendylock5507]

I can’t stop worrying about my son who is in the army, I can’t focus on anything else, I try, but I don’t know how to stop I’m 78 alone and I’m scared at 38 he’s going to end up alone like me,

[@SummerSaltAndPepper]

10:40 summary

[@jettergarcia3099]

I'm currently struggling with anxiety, it's already 4 am and I still cant sleep

[@KanariRaspberry]

I have a technic but disclaimer: you'll fall asleep 1 to 2 hours after. Take the heaviest thing you have at home and lift it up while focus on your thoughts, 50 times minimum. Yup that's work out but trust me, thinking about it while doing sport is very helpful. Just wait one hour for your adrenaline to go down and you'll be good 👍🏽

[@galaxy1234]

Will try it.

[@melissafarrell6943]

Hi 👋 guys is there anyway we can start up a call to help everyone who has been going through this bc I really need really good advice thank you

[@Finnleigh.Jackson4141]

I sometimes have circling thoughts in the middle of the night that have nothing to do with survival or problems. For example, thinking of episodes of old TV shows and how to make them better. This has NOTHING to do with my actual life or problems.

[@ladev91]

No wonder I've never had an issue getting asleep at night. I already worry about my problems all day and my brain is tired by nighttime haha

[@danielpaulson8838]

The thoughts that wake you up are the issues you need to resolve. And thoughts don’t come to us at night because they don’t trust us. Resolve your issues, you’ll sleep fine.

[@zahadou]

the inner lizard trying not to be eaten - it beats in the background - don't let the predators in

[@ariadne_8510]

Hi doc. Emma, a few months ago you asked your viewers what agoraphobia is for them. Were you going to film a video about this phobia?

[@helenrapson]

I was extremely stressed yesterday had burning in chest like bad butterflies. Shaking and dry reaching.

[@cassieoz1702]

Busy mind/racing thoughts and anxiety are not the same and shouldnt be conflated. My brain won't shut up, but it's not worry or rumination. Just random crap. I've always done the paper based data dump at the end of my day. I've spent hours doing the 'mindfulness ', intentional breathing etc in the wee hours of the morning. I'm utterly relaxed for HOURS but I'm not asleep.

[@barbarasloan93]

Me tooooooo

[@Dave-sd4gw]

Emma, I’m hanging by a thread at the moment. I am stuck in a cycle being fixated on my breathing, I wake up in the morning and it’s the first thing I think of. I’ve tried avoidance and trying to meet the thought and rationalise it, but nothing seems to work. I don’t feel safe at the moment, medications also do not appear to be working.

[@janeEyreAddict]

take theanine and inositol before bed! maybe magnesium too

[@deehuckleberry3999]

I have a question about NARM. I have cptsd, abuse amnesia/dissociation, anxiety, and depression. I've been in sessions for 2 months. My therapist starts out by asking what I want for myself, then has me talk about what I'm going through, with the pauses to sit with the feelings. Just when I am the most emotional and upset and at the topmost branch of the trauma tree, the session ends, he recaps what happened and it's over. I'm left with all the feelings and flooding and no way to get back down, no direction or guidance. Then I take a shower and nap, and am very sensitive and extra reliant on my service dog for a few days. Within a few hours I dissociate and forget details of the session. Is that how NARM is supposed to go?

[@ShilgenVens]

To avoid ruminating at night I use memorization to distract my brain. I've memorized a bunch of poems and the periodic table and when I go to bed I recite the poems and the periodic table in my mind until I fall asleep. I guess it's a form of meditation.

[@multiverser9585]

Another good one is memorizing all of the names and locations of countries in Africa (or states in the U.S.). Visualize the shape of the continent and go from north to south or west to east in your mind, filling in the countries (or states). Distracts you and if done right, gives you a sense of accomplishment. It does take quite a lot of daytime practice to get the memorization correct. For it to work, you must be confident that you can do it correctly and completely.

[@sarahboudreault7779]

Good idea but what if it’s not worry. My mind is just busy. Lately though a lot of my insomnia is just me laying awake with a quiet mind. Seems like since I started exercising more I don’t sleep as well. Even when it’s earlier in the day.

[@souskasissi4988]

I am facing a real hard time I work in a very toxic place with each kind of blowing and other bad things and this affects my mental health badly and one of the reasons is a sleeping disorder

[@parsonmarie]

Did I miss the sleep playlist in the show notes? Or is it just the Tupelo Train? With gratitude

[@obamadigital5239]

I am 13 and i am experiencing lack of sleep which is also affected by games and other kind if anxiety or excitement. It has been 3 months😢 i wish i get better like i was when i was 12😢

[@EB-gt1pq]

Get off the screen

[@obamadigital5239]

@@EB-gt1pq thanks for advice

[@myscreen2urs]

I get racing thoughts at night until I finally decide to get out of my formula 1 McLaren🙃