How to Resolve Conflict in Relationships: A Conversation with Esther Perel

[@OpentoDebate]

Explore our latest newsletter insights and debater editorials. Esther Perel on Resolving Conflict in Relationships Read here: opentodebate.org/newsletter-esther-perel-on-resolving-conflict-in-relationships/ Sign up for our weekly newsletters here: opentodebate.org/newsletter/

[@dk1828]

I absolutely love Esther. Whereas everyone else seems to regurgitate information that’s already been spoken about so many times, she consistently provides new and relevant information, yet also staying true to her original message. And she’s so articulate!

[@genderl]

Yes I agree ☺️

[@MrgoldenRose]

Well said ❤

[@21Sally]

Absolutely agree 💯 She is so well versed & very articulate. Huge fan 👏

[@lexiaotiqin]

Amazing life, the child of two holocaust survivors, somehow seems like a cosmic manifestation that Esther teaches the world about love and connection. Huge gratitude for your work, both of you! xx

[@whiskych1030]

Esther Perel's material is so good

[@alinapisica8677]

Finally some really good questions! And the way the host ask the questions, with such curiosity.. first time when I’m on this channel but will def come back. Thank you! 🙏

[@OpentoDebate]

Glad you enjoyed the listen. Feel free to visit our website and become a member to access all debates and conversations. We release a new episode every Friday. opentodebate.org/ To become a member: opentodebate.org/become-a-member/

[@chippychick6261]

Enthralling dialogue. Thank you

[@mimimohdrashid1907]

Power, trust and value

[@ellenbruckermarshall4179]

Excellent guests, excellent format. Thank you.

[@chilloften]

So enjoy taking in what Ester discusses. I love it to, psychology.

[@alimabeh]

Brilhante Esther!

[@armanshaghi]

Thank you for sharing this interesting conversation, themes we've all encountered, great to reflect on them and gain new perspectives/approaches ❤️🙏

[@OpentoDebate]

Thank you for watching

[@michelleveloni1329]

Awesome video. This is very good!

[@nancychace8619]

"How they deny the validity of any other person -" Rings a bell after finding a lot of food missing, plants in the backyard trashed, literally someone found a way to let their dog into my backyard to do its business. Clothes missing. Overcharged double at the grocery store for something then finding it missing from the refrigerator. They have literally shit on me. Trashed part of a fence that's had a problem I was trying to resolve. Even when I try to take constructive action to improve I get shit on. Who really has the problem? Me or whomever? There's a difference between trying to work things out with someone who has a different point of view and trying to deal with someone sick and abusive. On kitchen sinking - What about trauma that builds up over time? I get what Esther is saying, but the current issue may only be the symptom of something much greater that's built up over time. You can't dismiss 40 years of abuse by only scratching the surface of an iceberg with much greater substance going on under the surface. Not trying to score. Trying to resolve but unfortunately there's a lot going on with that. Respectfully, not sure that if you are not civil or polite in how you deal with something like this, that's your character. Some people don't understand civility. The only way you can get their attention is to hand them back a dose of their own medicine. That doesn't mean there are no limits to how you can abuse others. That does mean there's a level at which unfortunately it takes fire to fight fire. I've heard stories from some European friends about how course some of the US soldiers were when they came to Europe to fight the Nazis. I don't doubt it. But I would politely and respectfully ask them to look at what those soldiers were up against. It's important to view it in terms of the greater context. They had to be fierce to fight a fierce enemy, civility be dammed. The Nazis were anything but civil. What people fight about - power, trust and value. Those who are so insecure they must trash someone's yard and steal their food to make themselves feel powerful are certainly on a toxic power trip. Extraordinarily insecure and hypocritical. If some chain yanker out there has a problem with women or is otherwise sickly sadistic, that's not my problem. That's theirs. Instead of making others take the heat for it, they need to look in the mirror. In my experience there has been no recognition of the "other". There has only been recognition of an extraordinarily one-sided, narrow-minded, hypocritical, selfish and greedy view. I'm so tired of it I could almost start projectile vomiting it right back at "them". Really agree how society seems to be cutting itself off from itself. Sometimes no matter how I look at it it only seems like lemmings heading for a cliff, but that's not the attitude to take. You can't give up. Thanks and appreciation for this video. Thank you, Esther, for being there. I'm learning a lot. "Godspeed" for better days ahead.

[@Mushroom321-]

" its not what he couple is fighting about", its what is the couple fighting for" ? 🤔😲

[@wudubora]

If you are two people who are okay with the other having sex with others, then they are not in a partnership, they are in a friendship.

[@kristine6996]

What about being ghosted? And not wanting to resolve the tension that results from that?

[@evelynramos445]

Try thinking of

[@tarutran6391]

where can we find the clip with nincompoop that was shown

[@arianaalvarez6579]

It's like me I cant believe I'm with a guy that wants to date other women. How does that affect me ? how it affects me if I'm mad or sad because I know he texts other women and my kids feel and see my hurt which worries them. That's not nice.

[@lori6156]

Let go and don’t settle for that behavior. The relationship will only continue to fall apart.

[@leiladarling4495]

Ola

[@marilynoverton8142]

Great content, but oh, my gosh, so many commercials. Very distracting and disjointed to the conversation.

[@TonganJedi]

That's on KZbin, not the channel. It's gotten pretty bad.

[@Watchmewatch5752]

KZbin greed

[@fatoufrancescambow5876]

Sorry, I just read the title. But…isn’t conflict the absence of relationship? The fact that we suppose/want one at the time of conflict, isn’t that the reason for the escalating violence? Conflict is the symptom of an absent relationship at that very time and should be acted as such at that very time : there is no reason to stay in conflict

[@AHaffejee]

Cultural values are lost people have too many options world 🌍 full of narcissists

[@wudubora]

Sorry, maybe I am a Neanderthal, but you will never convince me that philandering will in ANY WAY improve a relationship. This comes from someone who was cheated on and tried to work through it with my wife, who promised would never do it again, yet she just kept on f*****g other men. At one point, I gave up. I stayed in the house until the kids turned 18 and the next day, filed for divorce. It did not help my relationship one iota and you will never convince me it would ever help. Also, my kids, one of which is my step-child, still call me dad and refuse to talk to my ex because they saw what she was doing. If you are okay with your committed partner(apparently saying "married" is too old fashioned) going out a f*****g other people, then you, by definition, are not in a committed relationship. After seeing this "therapist's" TED Talk extolling the benefits of non-monogamy, I can't take anything this person says seriously.

[@chilloften]

I cannot imagine this type of relationship either. But you take what you need and leave the rest when listening. And that’s ok.

[@kartini5341]

Thanks for bringing this up

[@TonganJedi]

What works for you might not work for others and vice versa. No one's trying to convince you that an incompatible (to you) relationship type should work for you.

[@wudubora]

@@TonganJedi It isn't about what works for who, it is about the acceptance of the dissolution of western society, the degradation of morality, the death of the family unit, nullification of the concept of commitment. You all think it is hyperbolic, but her notions of a relationship mixed with the hedonism of f**k whoever you wish, just adds to the list of things leading to the end of modern western society. Civilization is commitment and consequence. It is what separates us from the other animals. Civilization is crumbling. Soon humanity will be no more than a herd of animals. It started with no-fault divorce and on-demand abortions and is progressing to people without families or communities, countries without borders, abolition of property rights (as in stealing is not punished, i.e. New York City, San Francisco) and now, apparently, being in a relationship yet going around f**k**g everyone is okay.

[@leiladarling4495]

If US collapses due to narrative mismanagement, could we the world go into WW III ? The political parties, when debating, are a little bit confusing in 2024 political debate, which illustrates the difference between destructive conflict and healthy conflict. All of this happening in the realm of a...Conversation. We are part of us in the United States.And everywhere as well. I hope you got that there is an attribution error. This is my second comment. Thank you to Dr. Esther Perel.

[@anitoroyan272]

I don’t agree with Esther.

[@anitoroyan272]

Not impressed because I believe in Jesus who is my therapist

[@vershimajirgba5756]

lol okay

[@Alphacentauri819]

So…if Jesus intended for only himself to be a relationship in your life…you would’ve been placed, isolated, on an island by yourself. However, you weren’t. Relating, relationships, is where we get the opportunity to function, experience, humility, forgiveness, grace, love, human to human. If you have nothing to learn from other humans…then why are you even here, why were you even born? It all is relational. Also, when I did my mental health rotation…one of the most psychotic, was also the most hyper-religious. She had been brought in, due to extreme acting out…and when they were trying to stabilize her, she kept saying she was waiting for her bridegroom “Jesus”…. I promise you, that the compassionate healthcare workers were more of Jesus than whatever “interpretation” you, or she, might have. Jesus isn’t some Sunday school figure, but an expansive, connected, expression of love…don’t dilute whatever Jesus represents down to such a tunnel vision human narrative

[@cynthiawhite1122]

Maybe he has a uTube channel better suited to you.