Is a Relationship with a Narcissist Possible?

7 Clues to Spot the Narcissist Early
• 7 Clues to SPOT the Na...
Yes, a Relationship with a Narcissist is "possible", but it won't be fulfilling. Because fulfilling relationships require both people to put in the work of respect and connection and consideration.
#narcissist #relationship #datingadvice

[@linda.christie]

"Feels like a simple no would have saved some time." ROFLMAO!!

[@TheBaumcm]

Well, maybe if she had asked whether a “good relationship” was possible, he could’ve just said no😂.

[@positivevibe7684]

Him breaking it down is Pricesless!!❤

[@texaslovelylady]

No! Once you have determined that is in fact what you are dealing with. They have no interest in self improvement, or accountability, or intimacy because they can not love. It's best to leave, secretly and quickly as possible. Unfortunately sometimes police don't help, so if your life is in danger leave change looks and stay low working from home for awhile. Change phone and number, email etc. No social media.

[@jennap173]

A video on how most people aren't narcissists, but have some narcissistic tendencies would be interesting! Especially on how to deal with these tendencies in yourself and your partner. It seems to me that there are a lot of situations that aren't so black and white

[@ruchiRocksta]

Exactly.

[@lindatannock]

Being a narcissist and having a tendency to be selfish are two way different things

[@kellyandaaron2005]

The answer is a BIG FAT NO unless you want to feel like a piece of property. Every interaction with a narcissist is a transaction and nothing more.

[@grace52775]

A one way transaction, where they keep withdrawing from your account,but they've already run you into the negative a long time ago.

[@MysterChaser]

1.5 minutes of a perfect description! Nailed it! 👍

[@TheBaumcm]

I differentiate selfish and self centered. Self centered, is on its face, neutral because eating when others could be hungry might be self centered. Selfish is eating someone else’s food because you’re too lazy to go to the store. I’ve stopped using the word narcissist because too many people make a snap judgment and think you are exaggerating. Now, rage filled, selfish, delusional, vindictive, oversensitive, chaotic, demeaning, extreme, and others are how I describe those people so that those around me will actually hear it.

[@JustaNobody-j8x]

When it comes to any constructive feedback, narcissists will often react poorly, getting defensive or even combative. They just can’t handle criticism because they think they‘re never wrong. It’s like trying to talk to a brick wall, where you can’t reason with them.

[@Cantdisrespectoremasculatemeun]

BINGO!!!!

[@CharmedMum]

My ex-husband!

[@GS-qd1lt]

NNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

[@Amy-un6xg]

There are plenty of people that struggle to take accountability for their actions that aren't narcissists. It's actually one of the most common tendencies bc we don't like to feel "defective" or "not good enough" I guess how you approach the topic could help make the criticism more tolerable...

[@piotrmarcisz9309]

Brick wall is much better because it doesnt answer and shift blame.

[@colleenbrown3366]

I walked away from a 15 year friendship 20 years ago. I know it was hurtful to her and she proved so by spreading a salacious and wholly false rumor about me in an effort to ruin my reputation. Her efforts worked with some people but not all. I see posts critiquing those who "Ghost" others who do as I had done and I appreciate their viewpoint. But...any discussion or conversation with her would have been futile. I regret nothing.

[@obeliapark9860]

I REALLY wish I'd known all that before marrying my first husband...... would have saved me 10yrs of GRIEF WITH THST MANIAC 😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬 Happily that was 21yrs ago ahhhhhhhhhh blisssssssssss

[@serendipityshopnyc]

A good concise answer would be: "Possible? Yes. Advisable? NO." But sometimes you have to take the long way around to show the questioner exactly why the question is bad.

[@specialk4762]

Better to be by yourself..get a furbaby for company, keep yourself busy, practice self care ✌️💜😎

[@emmataliaferro526]

That’s exactly what I did…..now my family members want to know why I love my dogs more than them?! I just shake my head and walk away. Lol

[@specialk4762]

@emmataliaferro526-protecting your peace & self preservation are so important. You're worth it 🥰

[@CharmedMum]

YES! I’m still traumatised from my ex-husband’s narcissistic abuse but I now put all my focus on enjoying time with my kids & furbaby ❤

[@pinkpill5355]

That's my dream life. My own place, peace and love from a little doggy. One day I will get out.

[@Shadow1Yaz]

Dang. Gotta break Up with my family.

[@rainbowconnected]

That is totally a valid option if they treat you like that. Being related doesn't make that okay. I went no contact with my abusive "family" and have finally been able to start healing the trauma I never could, despite years of therapy. The space and safety give a lot of clarity and makes it easier to break patterns. It was a hard choice, but so worth it.

[@Findinside321]

Thank you Jimmy. I feel so tired, so neglected, so disconnected. Over two years. Even for people with low or instabil self worth such a relationship is so damaging. Maybe you also feel like...your completely over but can't leave because there is that unbreakable hope inside you, that's naive wish if you try and give more and keep on beginning at your side its gonna change. It will never change if the other one is not able to recognize, to see, to feel more or beyond than their self protecting narcissistic ego. And it hurts. So much that I can't feel the true message in side me and no love.

[@jj4774ns-te5px]

You own going away from it to your future self who is going to be disturbed over how much of life went into nothing when you deserve so much more.

[@claudiashundeservice992]

Please leave!!!

[@jenniferwells2291]

It's depressing realizing that this is just my marriage is and that it will never change. Being disabled I am stuck. I can't even afford a government subsidized apartment. Why are they like this?!

[@somewhereovertherainbow1344]

Move to Germany if you can. I think here you can get help.

[@chickadee1607]

Narcissism has a definition and diagnostic criteria. There is no "personal definition" of a narcissist. Someone can be a bad and selfish partner without also being a narcissist.

[@PhoenixHeartCure]

AND there are narcissists who DO actually want to improve! They may be rare, but they are out there. BUT if someone asking the question WOULD define it the way described in the video and not actually by the diagnostic criteria, then he is correct, and I think that a lot of people DO define it that way unfortunately, so...while it could have been worded better for sure (I was honestly expecting a "if you mean the actual proper clinical definition and they aren’t like that then actually yes, if they're willing to put in the effort" or something at the end), his OVERALL point still stands

[@chickadee1607]

@@PhoenixHeartCure never said it didn't

[@denises753]

I do think that, while narcissistic abusers are a real issue that many people face, I do feel like the word is often thrown around frivolously. I've personally experienced being accused of narcissism for speaking up for myself in situations in which both parties have contributed to making a poor situation. I don't have an issue admitting when I'm wrong, but I do take issue with being held accountable for a situation in its entirety when I was not the only one to cause it. I think that's a self-defense mechanism of mine; that I "distribute blame" because I've often experienced being scapegoated. Not a healthy habit, but I'm not sure how I can break it, and trust someone to own up to their own mistakes and having hurt me, when I take responsibility for what I did wrong. Do narcissists use accusation of narcissism to deflect blame in general? That's certainly been my experience with both friends and romantic partners.

[@juju1896]

Yes! They do! Run!

[@br3669]

I actually do think it's a healthy habit. You can call it "distributing blame" to make it sound bad, but you can also call it "holding yourself AND others accountable" which sounds a whole lot better. Relationships are a lot about finding balance - "be accountable, don't be a doormat" is one of those things IMO.

[@br3669]

@@ThePrairieChronicles I'm 45, and finally coming to the realisation that it's *okay* that everything I do will be wrong, according to some. We need to pick a way to be that is right according to *us* . There's many right ways of being a good person, just like there's many ways of seasoning a soup. Yes, you *can* add way too much salt or leave it watery and bland. But in between those two, there's a lot of tasty variation. That doesn't mean not taking other people's needs into consideration (yes, do put salt in your soup, people!), but doing it in a way that *we* feel we've done right by them.

[@sharicoburn5475]

Yes. The narcissistic person will make you think it is you. Dr ramanis new book "its not you" explains this.

[@tbe1441]

Consider whether you are distributing responsibility in a fair way or avoiding focus on yourself. I often hear the narc say that we "both" need to work on a given topic when they're actually avoiding: taking any personal responsibility, respecting boundaries, or even discussing a concrete issue (regarding hurtful actions they can't completely deny).

[@88Oleksiy]

The problem in narcissistic relationships is not that the other person does not respect us or does not honoring our boundaries, the problem is that we do not respect ourselves no honor our boundaries

[@JannaMeyer]

And definition of “relationship” 😂

[@NikkiGRocks4Ever]

Thank you Jimmy. That is a great explanation of a narcissist in a short time.

[@yeseniatorres4778]

Thanks!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

This is so kind of you!

[@yeseniatorres4778]

Truly $10 won’t make or break me. What you speak is invaluable, I only wish my brain and heart would do right for me for once and for all😔 but the two constantly fight and right now it’s really bad. Thank you Jimmy❤️ and for your wife❤️ God bless her. Sad that we have you due to her suffering. Thank you again 🙏🏽

[@sharicoburn5475]

They do not change, it will not get better. You will waste years, and be harmed deeply, possibly to never fully recover. Not worth the risk. The good will never outweigh the immense bad.

[@grumpyschnauzer]

The issue with people asking this question is it detracts from asking the real question. "Do you want to be with them? Do you like them?" If not, move on. You don't need a label to rationalize why you don't like them or want to be with them. The other issue with someone asking this is their interpretation of the other person in question is too subjective and even if you ask someone else about what you are seeing, other people can't make the choice for you on whether or not you like being with that person. Take accountability and responsibility for getting into the relationship and determine if you don't want it anymore. You don't need a label to justify you wanting to leave as if "you are in the right for leaving".

[@Izzy-cp8yt]

Unfortunately "do you want to be with them?" can be a tricky question to base your decision off of. People who have a history of abuse aren't always good at recognizing when they should leave a relationship. Just because you want to be with someone doesn't mean it's a safe or healthy relationship. Abusive relationships often have a pattern of the abused citing how much they love their abusive partner - just because they want to stay doesn't mean they should. Recognizing when a partner is showing narcissistic traits can help someone understand that their partner is probably not going to change, and this isn't a relationship they should stick around for to try and help or save their partner. You're pointing out that the boat isn't leaky, it's sinking, and it's better to jump in a lifeboat than drown.

[@neneg.4264]

He just described my husband 😶

[@Sunnykiwi07]

You have mentioned that someone with narcissistic traits is different from someone who is a true narcissist. How can you tell the difference if they are good at playing the loving, understanding, spouse a well? Also, is it possible for someone to truly not realize how they are coming off towards others?

[@SENSEF]

SO GOOD! Perfect explanation! 👌

[@TB-jg2oq]

I need this same series on work relationships with narcissists. How to navigate interactions when you need to interact to get work done. As a people pleaser it eats away at my soul. I realize now I was definitely duped by the charm phase early on.

[@MichelleL20942]

😯 WOW‼️This is a #short that I’m going to hang on to‼️

[@thatswhatisaid8908]

It might be possible, but WHY ? WHY would you want it?

[@glowfishin1]

So, you can. But why would you want to?

[@kathleenwharton2139]

I did it..But I would Not recommend it! 😊❤

[@craftycalley]

Oh so true.

[@1ofhissheep450]

Yeah, my first marriage and the following relationship were both with narcissists. I never even knew it! I am now remarried to a wonderful man who loves God, my kids and me. But I had to give up my broken "picker" and let God choose for me 😂

[@katiajul433]

I m french, you speak so fast! But thank subtitles and thank you so so much. I was agree with that kind of relation too much time😢. Why, i don't know... Thank you to help me to open my eyes... and thank you for help to respect me...❤

[@fartmagus]

This is something I really needed. Thank you so so much. As someone who feels guilty when the other person doesn't want to emotionally connect or take accountability/apologize yet they act passive agressive or make me feel bad for walking away, thanks.

[@AlinaMilaya]

Wow, almost like my mom’s description. So fun, unless she is your mom lol. But yeah, unintentionally I moved to the other side of the world…

[@nomadclan3604]

I really wish I could talk with you! My 18 year old son is in a narcissistic relationship, his new girlfriend is completely isolating him and putting a wedge between our family and our son. He's stopped doing all the things he loves, stopped seeing his friends and it's virtually impossible to talk to him without her unless he's at work. We've always supported him in his past relationships but this one is so different! He's a complete shell of who he was just two months ago when they met. He's my oldest and I'm broken and at a loss for how to help him without pushing him away.

[@sthblue6090]

Η περιγραφή της πρώην μου μέσα σε 1.30'! Εγω χρειάστηκα 6 χρόνια... Μακριά από τέτοιες καταστάσεις. Είναι ανίατες και ψυχοφθόρες. Είναι όπως ακριβώς τα περιγράφει.

[@hadassahblonde]

"is it possible to have a real relationship with a narcissist?" "The short answer is no." "Ok well whats the long answer?" "The long answer is a complicated *no*"

[@SS-in1ts]

It “can” be if you don’t want to live an authentic happy life. I hate to lie and be fake but in order to protect my sanity and life, I have to kiss my exes butt just for him to possibly compromise and consider me and that’s with a lot of buttering him up. It’s disgusting that I have to do this just for him to maybe act like a decent human part of the time. I hate this and it’s absolutely horrible. Some people don’t mind but I feel like I’m going against my core values.

[@aleksandrdostoevsky6621]

I actually have NPD, so thank you for saying “your definition”. Many people don’t realize this, because the word narcissist is misused a lot, but having NPD doesn’t make you a horrible partner. I wasn’t even interested in getting better until I was able to receive the consistent love I get from my girlfriend. She has BPD, so she’s pretty obsessive, but that’s part of the reason it works. Many people don’t realize this. NPD is a personality disorder caused by trauma. I developed it very young after being sex trafficked. The fact she gave me love, and just never stopped, despite some emotional responses I’m not proud of, really inspired me to be a better boyfriend to her. We’re still very happy together, it’s been 3 years now. Finally getting the professional help I need, and things have been much better. So please, educate yourself people. There’s a big difference between *yours* or the *internets* definition, and the actual definition of NPD. What he described is a horrible person, lmao. I do have some traits of that, but that’s also why this second part is very important. Having an open mind. No one said you have to date us. I was very clear to my girlfriend that she’d probably leave me, and that it would be in her best interest to before we dated. Many people don’t talk about some of the positives, because, again, abusive relationships have now been defined as Narcissistic Relationships, without the actual diagnoses. So the word narcissist is just a negative word. I’m a very confident person, so I could never allow my girlfriend to not be confident? I choose her, because she’s perfect. Literal goddess. If I ever hear her saying degrading things about her, we have to go back to the mirror so she can admit she’s perfect. I love her so much. It takes a lot of effort and willingness to work with us, and our definition of love, which tends to be different from most. But please decide whether you’d be willing to date us based on our personality, and not our disorder. It really will surprise you, and change your definition of Narcissist. It helps you understand the difference between internet use and real life.

[@annaburns2865]

A simple no would’ve saved all of us a bunch of time. So why can’t we learn?

[@gaurivasudevan4595]

Please make a video on how to identify good and caring people. I feel that in order to know someone, it takes time. But how much time?

[@ralucamera6574]

Thank you! 🫶

[@MystyqueOne]

These are so great! Can you make a skit video on the narcissists that charm their way into your life in the beginning? The grooming stage.

[@positivevibe7684]

It's not a relationship, it's called a Onesidaship🤣🤣🤣

[@mmoro143]

Very accurate description..reality check😎😇

[@still_leuna]

That's not what narcissim is bro

[@miriamheart]

I just realized that after the video of him saying he cheats on his wife. He could be a covert narc showing us what narcissism is

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Wow. Or…he could be trying to help people not make the same relationship mistakes he did. I mean, if we’re throwing all possibilities out there

[@br3669]

Why would a covert narcissist spend his time showing people what narcissism is? I don't get your angle here.

[@trebmaster]

CheatS? CheatED. It was a long time ago. Plenty of time to reform oneself.

[@miriamheart]

@@br3669 there’s ppl on social media who do this for views. They know the ins and outs of narcissists in relationships bc they are one themselves or dated one

[@miriamheart]

@@trebmaster idk once a cheater always a cheater. It’s not my own business but as a woman you have more to lose and since he cheated early in the relationship there’s enough grounds for annulment/clean divorce

[@dida5080]

Thank you so much for such reminders. 🎉❤ It is a practice to learn to care for oneself and be mindful of it rather than jump into a familiar dysfunctional relationship.

[@yaffam6618]

BRAVO

[@jessicapermadi6340]

(Probably flying monkey energy here) but I feel like this kind of description of narcissists is very one dimensional, villifying their image completely, speaking of them as if theyre no longer human beings. Do they really not desire for emotional connection? I understand this is most likely a generalisation, but it just doesnt sit right with me. It makes me imagine that some narcissists may get abandoned bc of their narcissism, leaving them alone - and yes they need to work on themselves, but that's already difficult to do by yourself without the massive ego - let alone with.

[@br3669]

I agree with the vilification angle, people are people and we should try to have compassion. But I don't agree with the "I'm worried they might get abandoned"-angle. It's okay to walk away from people who hurt you, even if they're human beings too and their mental illness likely causes them pain. Compassion is one thing, neglecting your own wellbeing quite another.

[@jessicapermadi6340]

@@br3669 Yes, I do agree with you that if it's costing your emotional wellbeing it's better to leave. I appreciate you bringing the word compassion - i think that's what I was trying to say. In my opinion, most "narcissists" have narcisisstic tendencies, not the personality disorder - perhaps before leaving them the compassionate thing to do would be setting boundaries? I believe people, and narcissists can change - and while it's not our responsibility to teach them to change or even help them change, but I think it is kind to give them at least a single chance after communicating clearly. Reading some comments below like "interactions with a narcissist are just transactions" just make me sad and I think surely there's a better way?

[@br3669]

@@jessicapermadi6340 I think you're right. I also think a lot of people on the internet complaining about narcissists, are people with some narcissistic tendencies themselves who are dating other people with some narcissistic tendencies. *Which is most of us!* Surely not everyone who talks about a narcissist in their life, don't get me wrong. But there are *some* people who have a not entirely healthy desire to think of themselves as the victim of an abuser, rather than an adult whose personality flaws didn't mesh well with their partner's personality flaws. Theories about narcissists being irredeemable, in conjunction with all too easily diagnosing everyone and their dog to have NPD, plays into that unhealthy pattern. So yes, communicating clearly and setting boundaries would probably be more appropriate quite often - and might help both parties to grow. It just doesn't always work, and nobody should lose themselves trying - that's all! 🙂

[@jessicapermadi6340]

@@br3669 really well said 👏

[@inspired2rv661]

❤😂❤

[@hellionshark3197]

I think we put narcs on thw same level as psychopaths sometimes. If they go do the work and figure their condition out, they can get better and live better. It's not that they inherently have no empathy. But that doesn't mean you should stick around hoping they'd realize they have an issue and aren't perfect and go work on it.

[@sharicoburn5475]

Eh, they can fake empathy, but a true narc does not actually have real empathy.

[@KenikoB]

@@sharicoburn5475 Even if that's true... so? If they care about you and are working to be a better person for you then why does it matter if they're not internally feeling the exact same way about it as you?

[@sharicoburn5475]

@KenikoB the point is, a true narcissist does not care about anyone but themselves. Relationships are only transactional to them. When they can't control or manipulate you anymore you will be discarded. Lack of empathy and selfishness are two criteria they possess. If you can live with a person not truly valuing you as a person but only what they can get from you, then go right ahead. But don't ever expect that to change. This is not my opinion, it is what every expert on narcissism agrees on.

[@KenikoB]

@@sharicoburn5475 they absolutely can work on themselves and change. Literally just Google it, it's the first result (and the second and third) Fun fact, one of the known causes of narcissism is emotional neglect in childhood. It's not something people are just born with.

[@malinamalina7769]

For sure 😵‍💫

[@RoxaneKamenski]

😂

[@Angrymobs62]

But what about a tryst? Is an occasional tryst possible?

[@IRosamelia]

Ask Melania 😅