Is BPD Really the Parents' Fault? | JOHN GUNDERSON

Get the full, minimally edited interview (and see the documentary we made about BPD called BORDERLINE) here: watch.borderlinethefilm.com/p...
John Gunderson, a major force in the BPD world and the person who originally defined the diagnosis, discusses Borderline Personality Disorder from the viewpoint of a researcher and clinician.
For more information about the BORDERLINE film which features John Gunderson, please visit our website at borderlinethefilm.com
Our archive of videos on BPD is expanding - be sure to subscribe to our channel here: / @borderlinernotes

[@bobbysays]

I am in my 50's and just found that I have Severe Personality Disorder. Too bad I don't have health coverage. I can remember many times as a child having episodes of anger etc... Wish my parents got me some help back then. I can't even hold a job anymore 😑

[@searchlightsoul]

Try peer support , try 12 step groups (adult children of alcoholics/dysfunctional families) There are always low cost drop in groups somewhere or sliding scale fees. Try spiritual counselling DBT is not the end all and was not able to help for me due to being raised by a narcissistic mother and their tactics of non attunement , as well as warmth withholding and parentification (making me responsible for the therapist feelings when she complained about not knowing how to support me ) was too close to how I was raised .

[@habibaduval9988]

I think it is heavily determined by the environment. The crisis team i've been se in the UK and told me that there is no difference in the bpd brain that it is all coping strategies developed in childhood but everything i've read counters this theory about the amygdala and hippocampus. Not sure why they say something different it's quite confusing actually. I think they're very weary of personality disorders in general as they diagnosed me with depression and anxiety only and told me not to cling to this idea of a pd as everyone has some personality disorder traits within them.Also wondering on what platform I can watch this doc on has it been released to a streaming service yet? I have been very keen on watching it

[@BorderlinerNotes]

Apologies for delayed reply. We are working on releasing the doc. In the meantime, please email me and I can set you up with a screener for a small fee. [e-mail]

[@cathrine1151]

Its totally inviromental

[@schroeder666]

people arguing mental health is caused by parents are siding with a long history of deeply shameful and ignorant belief systems. it was believed parents made you autistic. (or vaccines.) It was believed parents made you gay. it was even believed parents made you left handed or schizophrenic. none of these beliefs has held up as valid. the other thing is that people who make this argument, i often find are deeply and profoundly ignorant of their own motivations for making the argument. saying BPD is genetic does NOT EXCUSE parenting abuse nor does it EVEN REMOTELY make the argument that the person would have massive mental health challenges if they had good parents. There is no such argument which is valid. It is perfectly valid for anyone, with any diagnosis, who grew up in abusive environments, to conjecture that they might have been mostly stable and happy if not for the abuse. But I find people who say BPD is environmental don't even comprehend this. BPD being "genetic" is an argument of nurture AND nature.

[@schiros123]

If its genetic you can quite literally still blame it on your parents hehehe.

[@punyashloka4946]

Blaming anyone does not solve the problem harsh but true.

[@adelehammond1621]

no one knows the cause of bpd they are just guessing and using there own personal experiences to come to conclusions when they shouldut a large amount of people with bpd have trauma often related to their famlies but trauma could just be a trigger that set it off this man is saying that once became a parent he decided parents are not to blame

[@antoniocarlosburinsammarti915]

Tradução para Português/Portuguese translation: John Gunderson discute "De quem é a culpa?" E intervenções familiares Canal Borderliner Notes Então, é comum pessoas com transtorno borderline dizerem que seus pais são responsáveis pelo desenvolvimento da desordem e até certo ponto era mais fácil para todo mundo aceitar isto. Quando nós aprendemos que existe uma grande carga genética. E pessoalmente, conforme eu fui envelhecendo, fui aprendendo mais sobre as dificuldades de ser um pai, quando as crianças tem problemas. Então nós (pesquisadores) desenvolvemos intervenções que foram designadas para ajudar famílias a conseguirem aceitar as limitações de seus filhos. E o que deve ter sido o jeito familiar normal e até virtuoso de responder aos filhos, na verdade era um jeito prejudicial. E nós ensinamos as famílias de que modo elas podem se adaptar, customizar o ambiente de casa para que ele seja menos estressante e mais apoiador para suas crianças com transtorno de personalidade borderline. Então, costumeiramente, embora a pessoa jovem com transtorno borderline sinta-se preocupada com as dificuldades de sua família, até o ponto de que isso interfira com a capacidade delas de se separar da família e conseguir sair para o mundo, se a família consegue conter suas respostas irritadas, isso dá a pessoa com transtorno borderline uma espécie de plataforma a partir da qual elas podem sair para o mundo e experimentar e suportar as feridas do mundo lá fora. O paciente borderline geralmente se sai muito bem quando ele está em ambientes que oferecem suporte E eles são muito reativos em ambientes de alto nível de estresse. Nós precisamos a eles um serviço aconselhando eles sobre como conduzir suas próprias vidas, tanto em casa como durante um tratamento, para aprenderem a se retirar de relacionamentos de alto nível de estresse ou de situações assim e para encontrar as situações que são de baixo estresse. Eles não são pessoas que gerenciam bem o estresse.

[@hg2.]

How about the institution changed with managing/moderating community social relations? Let's see... what was that called?

[@Osman-mj5rf]

I suffered with BPD & ptsd for as long as I can rember 30 years plus am 9ne forgotten boys lowerlee school so I no were all this come from even b4 the care Systerm I wasn't cared 4 properly am still on the merseycare waiting list black mental health in a racist Systerm isn't a easy ride.

[@jennifermaxine2453]

This is the same man who admitted he was afraid that a borderline would seduce him during treatment. Not holding family accountable is a failure...they are to blame for poor parenting, just the same as a poor therapist, blame the parenting style

[@heatherr9640]

yup. therapists are people and they can be CREEPS . i agree stop put therapists on a pedestal

[@emil5884]

Abuse is abuse, regardless of intention. The law is pretty clear on this as well - claiming ignorance of the law doesn't save you from consequences. The hurt belongs rightly with the parents.

[@punyashloka4946]

@@emil5884 its not that simple in trans generational trauma the abuse is going on for many generations, passing on from parents to their children. Who is to blame here parents who were abused by there parents who were indeed abused by there parents and so on. Its a viscous cycle some one has to Break it.

[@emil5884]

@@punyashloka4946 Oh I would absolutely blame anyone who abused me. But it doesn't matter who was first. Each generation has the option to stop the abuse, and so each generation of abuse is responsible. Nobody is forced to keep abusing their children. Never. And like I said: abuse is abuse, regardless of intention.

[@punyashloka4946]

@@emil5884 i understand your your anger all i am saying its not simple as you explain. And no not every generation had te option to stop the abuse knowledge about trauma, abuse , mental illness etc is a recent thing ony 30 years old may be before that many people didn't even knew there is something called intergenerational trauma. But I understand what you are saying.

[@James-Johnson313]

"Whose fault" --- "Their fault". "Whose fault" ---- "Their fault"."WHOSE FAULT"--- "BPDEMONS FAULT"

[@Remo860]

I thought bpd wasn’t diagnosed in children.

[@martincuper5142]

It's not

[@LA-cc6sy]

As someone far long in recovery, yes, I had this as a child.

[@bronaghtadhg]

"Once I became a parent myself and realized that I might also make mistakes in parenting, I realized it was ridiculous to ever blame the parents. How can we hold a fully grown adult responsible for how they react to and treat a child that is acting out? That's ridiculous. Better to blame the child for being difficult in the first place. Maybe if the child hadn't been so difficult and emotional, the parent wouldn't have neglected their emotional needs."

[@JDforeveralone]

Sorry can’t really agree to that. There is a certain genetic aspect to personality disorders but the environment has a huge impact on how a child develops. Read about attachment theory. This is not to blame parents per se but rather to recognise that there was disfunction at home. A child learns before even starting to speak how to react to certain situations and is very sensitive to our behaviour towards them and how we react as a parent. Children by nature can be difficult- each one needs to be handled according to their character. Read about generational passed down trauma, family disfunction, CEN (childhood emotional neglect) and so on. It’s not that black and white and definitely you can’t blame a kid. Don’t forget kids go through stages of development. My first born never threw tantrums and always was a easy child to handle. The second one though!!! Sadly, we thought he’s got to be like his brother and didn’t really know how to deal with him. He’s now 21 and I regret a lot I did but I also have learnt over the years that my own upbringing (mum always had mental issues) influenced me how I would deal with emotions and stress. And I repeat - it’s not about blame. It’s to become aware and try to become better (emotional disregulation is always connected to core beliefs) Wishing you well! Research the topic more :)

[@krisq3616]

You sound very uninformed about abuse and neglect and things that occur in toxic families. I am also a parent and I vowed to never treat my kids the way I was treated. My mother neglected me severely. Starting when I was 3, she would tell me that she didn't want a daughter, that she wanted a son. She only had me. She never had an ounce of love to give me. I was always alone. She was always "busy". She never attended any of my athletic games, plays, nothing. She never played with me or gave me any support; she often told me I was stupid. I'm talking from a very young age, not as an adult. As an adult I could care less what she thinks of me. My father loved me, but he worked very long hours.

[@philly8184]

You don’t have to be a great mother, you have to be a good enough mother and tending to emotional needs is certainly apart of that.