Is He Pushing You Away? Here's Why | Relationship Advice for Women by Mat Boggs

[@matboggs]

Get coached by Mat Boggs today: www.bravethinkinginstitute.com/love-relationships/resources/mym/offer/strategy-session?div=lr&KZbin&Social&MYM_EVG&CNT_video

[@joybalverde7654]

Good day sir! Thank you for all your inspiring videos. Can I ask? How to handle LDR (long distance relationshiop)? Thank you and God bless!

[@seabird3896]

"Your job is not to change them. Your job is to notice." FREAKING OATH!! Thank you for putting that so brilliantly Mat. Noticing and pointing it out will be enough for them to take notice and then change. I've been searching for a long time how to describe this and you've put it into one sentence. Thank you!

[@Mayfloweralways]

Thank you for saying this. I usually cringe at every video I’ve seen that introduces attachment style. There are a lot of things people go through and habits they have. Someone could be a hard drinker because of their childhood. But they have to want to change. I’ve seen so many comments around KZbin that say things like “he doesn’t call. He runs away every week and I can’t find him. I’m trying really hard because he’s obviously an avoidant attachment style so I’m trying not to trigger that by putting too much pressure on him.” Cringe, cringe, cringe. Always stand by your standards. That’s what would make him aware and give him incentive to change.

[@suzanneevans1771]

I had an anxious attachment style and it landed me in a 16-year marriage to a covert narcissist 😕. I started therapy to become a better partner and eventually became strong and healthy enough to leave. Looking forward to having a more balanced relationship next time.

[@RRthee1]

Same 😓 long marriage now over with but not before being woken up to why I landed that person in the first place 😓 Now becoming more secure each day 🙌🏼

[@ellengrace4609]

Mat, this is the most valuable 11 minutes anyone can spend on this topic! I’d like to think I have a secure attachment style, not because I was raised in a loving home with healthy relationships but because I’ve worked hard for many years to change what had become probably the third combined attachment stye. Between my parents and my 30+ years in a subtly toxic relationship, I was a mess! Had it been a more toxic relationship I would have left much earlier, but he seemed to know just how far he could go without pushing me over the edge. Now I simply will not be with anyone who does not also have a secure attachment stye, because I know no matter how hard I have worked it would be so easy to slip back into the anxious, avoidant patterns from the past. I’d rather live in peace alone than in turmoil with someone else.

[@rezotydnic]

Was nice to hear about a man getting some help. Rare I think. I for the most part, now, am in the secure attachment style. I previously was the insecure/anxious style. But that developed from being in a 20+yr toxic relationship. Prior I definitely was secure. My bf of 6 yrs is avoidance style. I'm sure his childhood played into it as he was second oldest and had to 'help' feed the family. But his past serious relationships played a part too. He pushed me away once because I scared him. He had never met someone like me and he was scared because he couldn't figure me out. But we have long since moved past that and understand each other very well.

[@silviavousden3316]

I have never made a relationship work. I realised a long time ago that it was me, but I could never put my finger on why my relationships fell apart. I had an alcoholic mother and a distant stepfather, and I spent some time in local authority care. I had only myself to rely on, and I tended to develop relationships with married men because if he got too close, I got scared, and it was easy to break things off. I need to work on myself and heal.

[@hviola1073]

May your wounds heal! Wish you blessed, happy days! ❤

[@laureen9576]

What an amazing and helpful explanation for not only your persons attachment style but recognising your own. I realized by listening to you that I recognized my own attachment style. It gives you a whole new perspective of why so many relationships fall apart. Thank you so much! 🥰

[@matboggs]

You are so welcome!

[@colleenbass6141]

I believe im anxious and have been trying to work on it!

[@zeenatdsouza5039]

Me too...Matt I feel I belong to the anxious attachment style am aware and am consciously working on myself while my sp belongs to the avoidant attachment style...I love him very much and wish to help him understand this! Is it ok to tell him about his attachment style so he can be aware of it and work on it and there by save our relationship?

[@lhcj21]

Wow that’s interesting. I’ve had every single one of these attachment styles for the reasons you mentioned. It takes some work but thank God stuff like this can be overcome.

[@denisedunn8976]

Hi Mat, thank you so much for clarifying the attachment styles. I have just had to let go of an amazing man who I would have been happy to spend the rest of my life with. Yes, very painful and it felt like unrequited love, a cruel departure in fact. He ended up pushing me away. I just couldn't ignore my feelings and just be his friend.So thank you for clarifying things. I'm really hoping for a secure attachment with an amazing man one day. Thank you.

[@pamelawilliams9574]

WOW! I needed to hear this. Thank you so much. I was asking myself what I could have done better, but it is his attachment style. I am definitely secure and had an amazing childhood. His childhood was very rough and he and his siblings talk about it every time they get together. It's heartbreaking. I've been supportive, a great listener, etc, but he has to be the one to fix it. Eye opening!

[@amyjacob2100]

I definitely have the avoidant attachment style. Super independent and rely on no one. I have a hard time getting close to people and have a low threshold for running when there’s a bump in a relationship. Thank you for the great explanations!

[@yurimaperez1145]

Hi Mat, great video, thank you! Anxious attachment, and it makes sense now that I watch your video. The way we were raised has a big impact in how we are and act when we get into a relationship. Great content.

[@deliapasqualini970]

Repeat with me: "your job is not to change them". Maybe we finally stop behaving like nurses.

[@live.life.secure.coaching]

💯

[@mariagiakalis4615]

This was an amazing video Matt. Thank you so much. A light has illuminated my darkness.... I have finally understood.

[@cathyschmick1857]

This video Matt, so hits home with me. I had tears running down my face the whole way through. I'm pretty sure you had a similar video awhile back but, this one hit deeper yet. I truly believe a have a bit of all of these attachment issues and does stem way back to my parents...absolutely. I don't like the way things are tumbling down on me at the moment.

[@justinael]

I find myself a bit in the disorganised group. Father left, mother leaned on me - a young teen, and now I feel I have to be responsible for me and my potential partner. That's why I'm looking for someone who will be compatible enough for me not to worry they are dirty, stinky, saying embarrassing things etc. The more responsible partner, the calmer I am. But the twist is I have romantic feelings for the crazier ones... 🙄 I guess the toxic patterns follow us till the end.

[@kimt8162]

I actually understand this; my daughter ran into one of these guys. He was really strong at first, I tried to tell her his age is a concern; too young. Sure enough, he did a revenge thing when he found someone else. Fortunately, we dodged this. He made sure to show her the new "girlfriend". My daughter didn't even notice. He would like show up out of nowhere (in a place we frequent)all the time; that has now stopped. So she's in the clear of what really was a manipulative environment for her. And it's like having a breathe of fresh air..... so I get this.

[@jeanmm6823]

This was a great and concise video. This was extremely helpful towards a situation I’m currently dealing with. Thank you!❤

[@jesuisvanessawilkerson7011]

Just start reading this book & I love it! 💗💗💗

[@brendawise7998]

I have a man I have been seeing, last year he had two relationships that he ended. But he was still in love with the one woman who broke his heart really bad. I have been seeing him for five months, every weekend he really enjoys spending time with me, telling his son & his employees,and customers all about me. But he told me we are not dating & not in a relationship. I am very confused about this, because he has bought me expensive perfume, clothes & makeup. I don't know if he is getting serious about a relationship or he is wanting more of a relationship with me. Like skipping the boyfriend & girlfriend dating going straight into committed relationship. He has told me his feelings are getting stronger for me, I just don't know what is next for us both.

[@taryncochran7562]

Wow! The first attachment style is definitely what my boyfriend and I go through. He even admitted to me that he has problems with his mom and dad which causes him to be insecure and angry not only to his family, my family, the world, but to himself. He even admitted to me that he gets jealous of my accomplishments and then pulls away. So, my question for you Mat is, what do I do in this situation when I am still with him? Do I let him try and figure it out on his own or should I tell him you have problems and need to get help? Should I end our relationship to help us both out and get therapy or should I try and help us both?

[@hanle8743]

Wow this is powerful stuff. Thanks so much Mat! 🙏🏽✨💕 Feel like you helped me take off some of my burdens I’ve felt with previous relationships and even friendships! G-d bless!!

[@1st_Things_1st.]

Thank you for spreading information about this. It’s so important. In my 40’s reviewing the 3 primary relationships I’ve been in the one similarity in each of them, ironically, was that each of them experienced a dramatic divorce between their parents at 13/14 that created the exact dynamic you explained with one of their parents clinging and one running. Amazingly, I have a secure attachment style and had to process that it was the maternal nature that caused them to cling to me but have anxiety due to the fact that in each case it was their mother that suddenly ended the family they grew up with as a child.

[@Milycabrera92]

He and I ww started with secure style openness and communication with pass of time we lean in three avoidant and desorganiZed and insecure. It didn’t workout. He was avoidant and me needing his attention and closeness. I took one year of therapy while being in rs. But at the end it was him who carried me there. And noticed that he set walls on his heart. Everytime I felt I was struggling and trying hard with his walls and I gave up because I was like hard to pass them. I was lovely caring and want closeness and took everything slowly from beginning. After One year and 6 months of communication I left. Thank u Matt; I was feeling guilty because I thought it was me. But not. It helped me when u said that setting down. I felt released. God bless u with more wisdom and visions in love ❤ greetings from Mexico 🇲🇽

[@Amina777]

Great video! So how do we specifically deal with these attachment styles when the guys pull away?

[@life-is-here]

This video offers a great insight into why someone might be pushing us away and how to move past it. It's an empowering concept that can help us create peace in confusing moments.

[@secretshaman189]

Great concise and clear summary/review Mat, thank-you again for all of your wonderful work, you are helping so many people!

[@modestyarielle2918]

Had to let the avoidant away. It’s 2023 and focusing on me, tired of dealing with people who are not healed.

[@YamileYemoonyah]

Hi Mat, thanks for the informative video. What podcast did you hear that therapy session on?

[@suzanne2680]

Had been waiting for you to address this one, Mat! Constructive, powerful wisdom as always. You and Irene are so clearly secure as individuals and a couple - something this mildly anxious human aspires to! 😊

[@matikapalmer3789]

These videos have been very helpful and insightful. This is another one..thanks

[@JS-mh1fh]

Thank you, excellent video! And exactly what I needed this morning. My guy read between the lines of a message I sent him yesterday. At one point last night said that my responses insisted to him that I wanted space, and that maybe things have become too vulnerable. It's been just over three years since we've been together with things going really well, so I was taken completely by surprise.

[@sherylsalazar4822]

This is good information 👏...I think I have all of them except the secure style. In all of my relationships, I put up with a lot but when I'm done I'm done, I have always been the one to end my relationships first. I need to figure out why that is. I was just like the 12 year old boy in the story, except I was 5 years old when my mom did that to me. ..she held me in her arms crying pleading with me to never get married.. how was I equipped to handle that dramma ? I wasnt .. a child can not be burdened down with adult issues...hence one of the reasons I have to do my inner work and heal so I can have successful healthy relationship. ..I'm doing the work now...I am healing for myself.🙏🙏

[@OldSawmill007]

hi matt, love your videos. very succinct and encompassing. i was wondering if you could do some videos which may appeal to blokes as lots of your stuff speaks to women but some of your info is relevant for males but i know my males friends would be less interested due to some of the titles.. this one for example....the content would not have to be adjusted much ie he/she etc but the info is hugely relevant for both and its delivered by a male so will be receptive etc Many thanks

[@MT-bn8bd]

Awesome thank you so much ❤

[@Yarnover_PullThrough]

I'm disorganized for sure. No doubt. Took years to figure it out.

[@okaaz7]

Same here… and working towards being secure. My job is not to change others, it is to notice.

[@alanikeiser]

I’m the first one: insecure attachment style… he is avoidant attachment style.

[@rochelledawson1044]

I am feeling like he doesn't love me anymore. It is like he doesn't care yet he wants me to spend the weekend with him. I can't remember when we were intimate. I don't know how to save my relationship.😢

[@kellylody7928]

Great video Thanks 😊 Happy new year

[@misssing77]

I love this! Thank you!❤

[@naivivmaribujoc]

Thank you for this topic very important in any relationship 💘

[@adrianaa.deluca6559]

Great content, thank you!!

[@ligitapociute3292]

It was very interesting, I set an eye on a surgeon, that cared of my daughter, when we layed at a hospital, he was caring person, and when a year passed, I had to pass tgrough the rehabilitation in that hospital: physical exercises, massages, etc, and decided, while having a free time, to go to his office, when he has also some of free time, to say hello to him, later to bring him some coffe or carrot juices from the cafe. And it all became: at first he was friendly, excited, naughty, and later even a little bit angry, and closed even his door. And the other day it was all like okay again. And it was like an attachment, like he was kind of pulling away, a little, and I was with an attachment, like all of abundance for him. And it all ended like nothing clear. The funniest thing, that the story didnt end, and I will have to visit him once, or twice a year, with my daughter, for a constant consultation, about daughter's health.

[@Rylee3693]

Thanks Matt!

[@cianydpena5488]

Thanks Mat.😢

[@lynn-ve2je]

Thank you this really explained to me why this guy I'm talking to is to why he might be pulling back from me

[@mydailylife4533]

this is on of my situation right now after i found out my husband is cheating on me he’s the one think its all my fault why he did etc caling me pathetic crazy calls name we have kids together they are toddlers.i really need this kind of advice thankyou so much.and he pussing me away instead of fixing the marriage he just let it be give up he even says he’s not in love with me maybe cause i gain so much weight also after giving birth right now i feel horrible down.

[@midamalait5194]

True Mat i've experience it now

[@jakthacamacho5372]

Absolutely true, that's really happening right now all of the above

[@laurenceteheve3585]

true ! 👍

[@leannegraceliberty]

I needed this... Thank you 😁😊

[@TE1278GL]

Amazing and helpful video! Thank you! ❤

[@elpidakarfopoulou9066]

Thank you!!!

[@dianeclay410]

Avoidant is accurate.

[@carolina7955]

Awesome ty!!!!!!

[@biba350]

Would an avoidant style have the tendencies to ghost in relationship I am Anxious style great video mat thanks

[@BeingMeRV]

This was a really good video!

[@Ms.sausage]

My father was the first one who caused me pain by pushing a 5 years old girl away because of his goddamn sickness he's not even recognizing it

[@theonejaynewallace296]

🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@mirinewcome3000]

Avoidance 100%

[@helensanderson7092]

My boyfriend doesn't want a serious relationship but wants us to be a couple. We are intimate together and he has let me in to certain parts of his life. But he is very independent and I wants me to move near him

[@likila284]

Do you want a serious relationship with this guy?

[@helensanderson7092]

@@likila284 Yes

[@Mayfloweralways]

@@helensanderson7092 then don’t allow him to dictate what you get from him. Let me be concise. He wants YOU to give up the peace of him giving you a relationship. He wants YOU to move for him. I haven’t heard what inconveniences he has gone through for you. It’s a terrible thing to deeply care for someone and keep hoping they will give you more. I know this because I went through it. And the guy did propose one day, after many years of his exudes. And then he cheated and left. We all want to believe our story is the exception. We know this man so much better than other people. But it’s simply doesn’t matter. Men will give anything to a women they love. The man I’m with now said no to a relationship. This is before we had been physical, other than kissing. I said that I wasn’t ok with that and I stopped making him a priority and stopped acting like we were headed toward a relationship. I didn’t act like things were the same and I didn’t try harder. We didn’t speak at all for about a week. He asked if we could talk and he apologized and said that he wanted to honor my wishes and make me happy. We just spent the holiday with both our families. We’re both very happy. I deeply regret giving so much to my ex, now that I know what love really is. Never let a man tell you what he doesn’t want with you, and then still act like you’re fine with that. Once you allow it, it will never end. The best advise I ever heard is “Put the relationship above the man. If he isn’t giving you the relationship you truly want, another man will.”

[@linneasimchah1621]

@@Mayfloweralways We teach people how to treat us by what we allow.

[@lilianwarman4447]

Amen!🙏🕉️

[@tradingrichmom]

Mixed...

[@thesocaltrojan]

I am Anxious and avoidant but i feel like after therapy i am more secure than I used to be. I think my man is anxious. How do you bring up getting someone to work on their attachment style in therapy @matboggs if you don’t want to end the relationship?

[@modestyarielle2918]

Had to let the avoidant away. It’s 2023 and focusing on me, tired of dealing with people who are not healed.

[@greenefroggy8223]

I agree. This thought never crossed my mind. Just always be aware of making secure mature boundaries is what I need to do from now on no matter what type of relationship it is.