Is Narcissism A Learned Pattern?

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Sweet little six year old me remembers getting smacked in the mouth for innocently saying the word “frig” when i had heard my mum say that word and so much more as though it were no different than saying “hello.” My feelings were hurt more than my mouth was, even though it drew blood. Yes, narcissism is learned. Intuition, on the other hand, is embedded. I didn’t have to know at the time what had happened to me was considered “double standards.” I just knew in my sweet lil heart i definitely did NOT want to be like that when i grew up! Even still, i had many things to “unlearn” as i became an adult.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Kelly, that was abuse, plain and simple.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@SurvivingNarcissism yes, it was. Isn’t it sad, children don’t know (at least not right away) that they are being abused… especially when they had the utmost love in their hearts for the people who are suppose to love them also?! Something either within me or working around me (of course, Dr Carter, you and i know that was the work of the Holy Spirit) told me it was not what she should have done. Even at the age of six, discernment was working on me

[@TwinklingofaneyeLoveStoryofGod]

@@AlwaysStampinVideos Amen, so so so true. I’ve had the Holy Spirit growing up too, it’s how I survived! We can not control the way people behave. God gave ALL of us free will/ choices to choose to sin or not too. God said “vengeance is mine” so I’m praying for these souls to ask for forgiveness before the door 🚪 slams shut on them and they’ll live in eternity with there master (Hasitan) Shalom

[@tired4717]

Yes I understand!

[@unconversantcallowincandes1540]

I'm so sorry sweet six year old Stampin, that kind of abuse as a norm for standards takes a toll on us, we being little never wants that to happen so we do everything we can NOT to do that or have it done. We stretch ourselves beyond means unruly and unacceptable to tolerate. Little 8 year old me got "spanked" so hard I couldn't sit for a day and was bruised. I still don't know why there was so much hate and disgust and all answers nowadays are based on bias from the abusers. I agree about learned trait.

[@evelina787]

A narcissist doesn't break your heart, they break your spirit. That's why it takes so long to heal.”

[@leilagomulka5690]

It’s sad when we make allowances, excuses for the narcissist, when they cause immense suffering harm and pain towards others

[@literallyjen]

This is why you should ALWAYS get info about someone's upbringing before you get serious with them!

[@alastairwest5200]

I'm gonna learn Gus's pattern of mindfulness - period.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Would that we could each be more calm!

[@globalheartwarming]

Beautiful comment and reply. I am turning in this direction, even in my dreams! ♥️

[@NOT_SURE..]

Hnads up people who vowed to NOT be like their parents and have thus far turned out to be really nice, kind, considerate people .

[@skfotedar]

I found my self around age 18 mimicking the narcissist patterns of the adults around me. I didn’t know it was narcissism but I didn’t like how I felt when I did it. I tried ‘Team Healthy’ and it hasn’t been easy but better than the alternative

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep leaning forward!

[@CodyCole80]

Regardless of how we were raised, we choose which way we’re gonna go in life: right or wrong.

[@michelepascoe6068]

Practice makes perfect, as they say. The more you practice deceit and manipulation, the more easily you do it next time. The more fools who admire your boasting and believe your victim-playing, the more you crave their attention and believe your own stories. The more you practice honesty, humility and consideration for others, the more you shape your character that way. We all choose who we become, to some large extent.

[@domenicrudi]

I don’t think they have the mental capacity to choose it’s either black or white, I observed my son for three years they cannot see the bridge burning until collapses

[@michelepascoe6068]

@@domenicrudi I think that we don't realise that we are choosing but really, we make many little choices through the day. When a teenager yells, "I hate you!" it is a choice even though they may feel they can't do anything else in the moment. It's then a choice when they calm down, as to whether they address what they did or not, or whether they want to learn better ways or not. I did not realise that I was allowing family members to treat me contemptuously. But I was. I should've left their company, but I didn't know I could do that. I thought I'd be a bad daughter if I went no contact or refused an invitation. I was so confused about why they treated me that way, that I didn't protect myself or my husband and children, but kept going back for more mistreatment.

[@domenicrudi]

@@michelepascoe6068 I observed my 44 year old son for the last three years of his life and piece together from the time he was 15 years old his behavior tells me they are not mentally capable of getting in the same page with you, they lie just to get by in life, I think we need to force boundaries at that young age so they could snap out of that mentality they carry they cannot do it without boundaries, they need to recognize the good the bad and the ugly, unfortunately growing up doing whatever it’s not healthy, Once you get older I think the only way you could possibly change is to enroll in a Boot Camp and with force you have no other choice but to change,

[@michelepascoe6068]

@@domenicrudi I acknowledge your experience and conclusion. You could be right; I don't know. But I do know that Jesus/Yeshua can heal and transform our hearts and minds. However, we need to be able to admit our wrongdoing and be willing to learn better ways, but narcissists can't do that - they just lie, as you say, and blame others. Wishing you comfort and peace ... The grief of a child gone astray is very hard. I relate.

[@greenscreekgirl]

Oh I married the golden children, I was never good enough for him. It took me several years to realize it wasn’t ME his mother hated, it was his wife. No one would be good enough for her son. I have made certain to never say anything negative about my daughter-in-law, in fact I have told my son that I will not take a side because I want him to know that I love him, I trust his ability to choose a wife, he can always tell me anything that happens between them. I will not change my view of her, he can always come to me without fear of me saying “I told you so”.

[@deemaysie6568]

Wow, if ONLY more mothers thought like this! Wish you could have been my MIL!

[@iamgoddessoflove]

One way to know that you're dealing with a narcissist is when they take, and take, leaving you feeling depleted. Whereas, you'll receive less, and less or nothing in return. 💙KZbinr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

[@TC-gx3qn]

Great video, Dr. C. I sense that one good measuring stick of this is how long people remain in narcissism. It seems to me that the people that are still behaving this way in their 70s, 80s, etc, had a high amount of this in their natural temperament with which to begin.

[@lesliegann2737]

Although there are so many variables, I think that it boils down to this... Some children are born innately empathic/self-aware and some lean towards self-centeredness/lack of awareness. If born into a narcissistic family, the empathic child is more likely to seek truth/therapy as an adult whereas the self-centered child will more likely accept the narcissist parent's narrative. Also, most of the time the narc parent will favour the self-centered child (as a potential mini-me), whereas the empathic child is considered weak and inferior so they will be the scapegoat. This is the exact way it turned out in my family. If these 2 types of children were born into a healthy family, the empath flourishes and the self-centered child's tendencies are modified.

[@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723]

We need DRC T shirts! My life was blown up by a higher end Narc. I’d Love to get the Word out about this Narc Tiger and how to ID it’s stripes! I try to remind myself your problem(s) are not my job/responsibility to fix. That is key, because if you correct a Narc on how to treat you better, they will change it temporarily, or just lie better…

[@itsamadmadsadworld4360]

This is a hard one..I don't think there's a yes or no, or right or wrong answer to this..a lot of times we choose not to see the writing on the wall..I have witnessed people through my life turning into one..but those types are usually the ones that are married or have life long personal partnerships with another that is very toxic..sort of the attitude if you can't lick them join them.. But I've also seen people that are that way from a young tender age which makes me think they are born that way..I didn't even know about narcissism till I was 54 and my father had passed away. That's when my mother let all her venom out and showed me how much she truly hated me. I dedicated 2 1/2 yrs 14 hrs a day 7 days a week studying this..not only was it validation but a great wake up call..it totally transformed me into a different person than what I was before.. It was a true awakening..but in a good way..for us empaths it's a sad thing to watch..knowing there is nothing you can do for them..even sadder that you have to eventually turn your back on them for your on sanity and survival...

[@domenicrudi]

I believe the only way to help these people is through a long term of Boot Camp especially covert narcissist, stoic to no end, I observed my son for three years until his death

[@frau_ic]

I increasingly feel that cultural globalization is spreading like wildfire the view that narcissistic behaviors lead to more success socially, thereby encouraging ruthless unscrupulous behavior.

[@janicedeeter577]

I was mostly raised in horrible foster homes. Early on I decided... No way will I'll be like them. Still haven't.

[@cof6466]

Your videos mean so much to me and the nuances you talk about in fine detail tells me you are an expert in this field. I am literally blown away with your knowledge. I even quoted you today.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you most kindly.

[@mumcmillfields]

I am very much indebted to you Dr C for your insightful videos. Thank you so much.

[@nicolefiocco4516]

With tears rolling down my face while clicking on this video- I fully agree with you. I have no idea how I would get by without his videos. They make me feel less alone, as do the comments.

[@lavenderchai1613]

Yes! My ex husband learned it from his dad on top of that he’s an active drug user & drinker. He denies and down plays everything! Blames me for everything! Takes zero accountability and ownership. He is completely mad and needs a spiritual awakening from a higher power.

[@angelaeastwood3938]

yes I agree . with your comment. my husband became the exact carbon copy of his mother's abusive ways over time. nothing I said changed anything that he was doing towards me and the children. they don't take or want to take accountability for nothing you are problem not them . because my toxic husband spun my life with all that . he was like a bomb that had exploded . and you were the one cleaning up the mess from it . Time and time again and it became normal. I took on what it seems more of him. in my life ...... that life to me resembled a roller coaster reaching many high levels. with all the different emotional feelings of getting in one. ... now it seems Ive reached the top of it and woken up to it all . I am now coming back down the other side of the roller coaster. and feeling like way I feel from it all . it's the only way I can describe it . I certainly don't want a another ride like that again. life was suppose to be thrilling and exciting . I didn't get that . I got the opposite. 😳

[@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS]

YEAGH!! Get him the Death album Spiritual Healing!

[@Tru12240]

Unfortunately a lot of times they don't even get the concept of awakening. No concept of being grateful and thankful for what they have in their life. You are probably a savior for him and he will never get or appreciate it. Sad way to live...

[@JRB09990]

Similar story here…I’ve come to believe that narcissism is truly a spiritual disease.

[@mikediamond353]

Jesus told a parable about Wheat & Tares. The farmer said: "My enemy has done this. Let them grow together until harvest. Then gather the tares first, and throw them in the fire."

[@idinloreng4580]

The family is not the only environment that we are in, as we grow up we encounter and interact with other people in another environments. We learn and we decide what we want to be.

[@helengriffith4738]

My mother has a hatred towards her only sister. My Aunt took care of me at emotional levels growing up since my mother was into her own self. My mother abused me mentally, adopted father beat my mother while I listened every night. I was my mothers sounding board. So somewhere in her past, she must have felt neglected, etc. my Aunt took care of my grandmother for over 20 years. Anyway, there’s so much.. I ended my relationship with my mother recently, couldn’t take the toxicity anymore. Of course I am the blame. Thank goodness for therapy. 18 years my mother and I were apart because she was toxic. I tried again for a year, she will not change or get help.

[@GG-ul8ne]

I grew up as a scapegoat for my other siblings; and I was the "good kid". But, as I grew up, surrounded by verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive older siblings, and then other adults in my environment, I learned some narcissistic behaviors, as well, that I've spent a lifetime unlearning. While my intentions are good and pure, my behaviors seemed insensitive, sometimes. I'm happy to be learning about narcissism, and narcissistic abuse (and narcissists) since December of 2020, when I was in an unusual living/work situation, with a (now) ex family friend, much older than me, who abused me and violated me, on every level. Thank you so much for your videos.

[@jayneforster5677]

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a narcissist magnet ! I seem to be surrounded by them ! However my mother is the worst one sadly!

[@Jordandacosta25]

I feel like it was a mixture of my mother and how I’ve learnt to deal with society. Empathetic people tend to get hurt more, whereas confident (borderline arrogant) people get what they want..

[@8bit_paul]

Yes, that word "peace" again floating in the air for a few minutes after the video is complete, thanks Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

And it's true, I hope you can find peace.

[@beija-florchloe1673]

I believe it can be. In an intimate relationship with a narcissistic person, the healthy partner develops and learns narcissistic tendencies to survive. And also children of narcissistic parents learn and develop traits and tendencies in order to survive and cope. I fully believe that ppl do what they grow up learning. A child will do what they learn from loved ones and may never realize it is unhealthy…it’s just the way their life has always been.

[@beija-florchloe1673]

@SilverWings2022 yes but the question was not about narcissistic abuse. And depending on how long the abuse last, it may very well continue, if for no other reason but protection of self.

[@beija-florchloe1673]

Im happy for you that you aren’t either of your parents whatever that may mean. But children repeat what they learn growing up. Parents are the major contributors of how we are as a person.

[@MK-jc9ov]

My ex-husband (narcissist) claims to have admired his mother for her good judgement. He despised his father. Then he disclosed that his mom would leave the 4 kids at home and head to the bar with her alcoholic husband to make sure he did not drink too much. I never wondered after that from whom my narcissist had inherited his "good" sense of judgement (and his closet alcoholism, for good measure).

[@willowtree9082]

🙏thank you for reminder of who's responsibility it is to change.

[@Kittyfanclub]

Having a fraternal twin brother who is total narc, it's interesting to ponder the nature/nurture question. I was always very sensitive (and ridiculed for it) and he was a loud mouth bully. He has always been very competitive with me and teacher's didn't help when they wanted him to be more quiet like me. As the only boy, he was my narc mom's favorite-finally she got a son (but with a 3rd daughter-me- that came along.) I couldn't wait to leave home and after going away to college, I never went back. That saved me. He, on the other hand stayed at home ( till about 25 yr. old) and went to a local college and that further embodied his narcissism- learning it from our mom. So it is both- in born temperament influences how other family members interact with you and it affects the path one takes.

[@annking8633]

My narcassit mom's family of origin is a freaking mess. She and her brothers and sisters are all greedy and selfish. A real piece of work.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

one time my spouse blew up at me for "acting like h.." seemed to frequently point out what polar opposites we were (at one point *as a bad thing* at another point *as a good thing* ). the time of the blow up i responded with, "don't you like what you're seeing, i am becoming like you, you created this, congratulations." [that was the time i was testing the walls for weaknesses] So to the *"learned pattern"* question, it most definitely could be *'emulated'* personally though, i feel it is a dark spirit that enters a life at a 'traumatic point' in one's life.

[@melissasmith7830]

The only sibling I gave my new number to, faked dad having 2 heart surgeries when accusing me of ignoring her didn't set me off. Somehow her delusional mind thought the head narc (my mom) being discarded would make me return to being lied to and humilited by the rest of them. She's officially unsavable and blocked

[@jeankipper6954]

I never met husband's mom but often thought she'd been a piece of work. He'd whine, plead, nag, bully, demand, until I'd just give up, clearly behavior trained into him. His sister was also very strange. Nurture, I think. Yet both my folks were narcs, and I'm not, although I credit nature, refusing to treat people as I had been. Oh the stories. But I weary of them. Thanks for explaining this insanity, Dr. C.

[@jeankipper6954]

I ended the 3 hour supposedly with Dr. C upon being instructed to send money via transfer to an unknown person and address with no tie to an account or contract. The real Dr. C does not personally care about one old widow. Thieves harvest us, shamelessly. The REAL Dr. C is clearly a man of great integrity and compassion. And honor.

[@intheirownwords6079]

I have a brother on the extreme end of this scale. If I told you the things he's done, you'd never believe me. In his case, our Parents were Godsends. The kindest, most gentle, loving people you can imagine. I remember my Mother needed a new car, she wanted something cheap....my Brother wanted a Mustang 5.0 like the rich kid across town who had one....needless to say, he didn't get it. I believe it started then and there. The first time he was told 'No' and he couldn't take it....It can be something as ridiculous as that

[@heritagelabrador3840]

Thank you for this video ! People have called me crazy . I watched my narc be pushed to these behaviors by narcissistic family members time and time again. To the extent narcissistic behavior became celebrated by their family . It ruined me

[@sage9836]

The list of environmental influences would make an amazing chart! It's really extensive and promotes insight!

[@debb4598]

I've been following Dr. C for nearly a year now and THIS video is probably hands-down the BEST! It also going to be so helpful in helping me with a discussion I will eventually have with my grown son about why I divorced his father. Thank you Dr. C 1000x! 😃

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful, Debb!

[@imnoel8214]

That's interesting, Dr. C. I've read that in cultures that teach respect for all life, there is a significantly lower level of narcissism compared to cultures that don't emphasize such teaching. That suggests to me that even if someone has a genetic background tending toward narcissism, growing up in a culture that teaches healthy traits can help them develop healthier personality styles.

[@raineliawylde1197]

I took took your advice 6 weeks ago and discontinued engagement . This is with my 50 year old daughter . However l feel horrid , even though the game has ended . With our relatives l am the unsociable one of course . She us all fun , and l am the boring quiet one . When l compose what l would like to convey , l imagine the twisted response .--- l was subjected so often , and it worsened as years rolled on . So, can establish an 'adult' relationship?

[@houseplantnerd2872]

I actually credit nature programs like ones with David Attenborough, for helping me develop empathy. Jane Goodall and even Mr. Rodgers had a deep impact on me. I spent most of my childhood pretending to be different animals and I envied elephant herds and dolphin pods. Had it not been for my deep love of nature I might have been a very different person. Animals made me a better human. On the bad side, I feel their pain so deeply that it has a profound and very negative impact on me. I can't tolerate seeing suffering, it has a lasting impact on me that isn't helpful. I have to be very, very selective on what I watch and experience. I've been involved in animal rescue groups, shelters and animal welfare. I had to walk away from all of it 10 years ago. I simply couldn't take it anymore, what humans do to animals. I simply couldn't process anymore of it. Since then I've become a shut in. Surrounded by as many plants as I can find. Nature gave me the good parts of myself.

[@imnoel8214]

@@houseplantnerd2872 Thank you for sharing your story. I think it's wonderful we can find love through caring for plants and animals. Animals saved me, especially the last couple of years. Last year I adopted a tiny kitten off the street, my third kitty. He's a sweet and happy little guy, I think because he's not known hardship as far as I know, other than having a few fleas early on. We're quite the little family.

[@jerirasulo9543]

​​​​@@houseplantnerd2872 please, please have a Bible study with Jehovah's witnesses to learn about the kingdom of God coming to the earth and fixing everything by restoring Paradise. now even nature is messed up in this present system.. Romans 8:22 "For we know that all creation keeps on groaning together and being in pain together until now." I can barely take the animal abuse and must shut down a little when watching documentaries, when their eating each other too :( I love, love David Attenborough! we have a lot in common. 💕

[@susandawson3358]

Thank you for being a part of my journey ❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome

[@maywoodward7269]

I’m just beginning to remember my childhood. I thought I was evil, I even told other kids to stay away from me because I felt toxic. I think my therapist is right, as I tried multiple personalities to handle toxic nurturing but couldn’t do it. I had full indulgence ( so much that I was afraid to say what I wanted for my birthday, one time I got 25 cow things because I blurted out the first thing I could think of was cow). My Mom definitely went more sociopathic yet I had no idea until Covid that my Dad has no empathy. He is covert (always abused and everyone else’s fault) he is always at the top yet I know a dark twisted child who always used me as his way to get out of trouble. He also triangulated my Mom and I. She already thought of girls as objects to please , hate, and have to control the man , who was a sex and love addict, even to kids, who could be here way of getting what she wanted in the world. They followed me through grade and high school and took over the school. I lived a double life that I wanted nothing to do with. I couldn’t have friends! They needed all the attention and I would be annihiliated ( my stuff, my favorite animals etc). I found a letter to my fourth grade teacher asking how to interrelate to the other kids, as I had no idea how to be a friend or have friends. I have empathy yet have no idea what it is like to live free of the sabotage or feel safe to be myself. I’m trying to build a team, as my Dad is well loved and known and totally out of control. I am working through the terror of talking to people. I would go out and make friends but had no boundaries or knowledge of self care and was taught growing up that if I said no it would become a challenge as saying no was not allowed. I even took baths in poison oak, desperate to be left alone and not made to go anywhere or do anything. I have no world knowledge as I chose reading and disassociation as a way to survive here but because of it every time I tried to run away I did not know how to be around people easily enough to trust anyone. I was blind towards my Dad ( underneath I felt him to be slimy and disturbed and so unhealthy but if I get “frozen” or triggered all I can feel is his negative energy and it’s like I’m swimming through quicksand trying to keep the animals, him, the plants and myself alive) I become suicidal if alone 4 days with him, as he cannot allow me any attention or kindness and thinks I am responsible for the cleaning, caring for his animals, caring for his needs and having non of my own. He finally hurt himself enough that I had to call in caregivers to help, he got better enough to fire them but the relief of having people counteract his constant blaming/shaming/making up lies and accusing me of being of being on drugs every time I moved around or talked too much. My Mom died because he would shame her into not feeling good enough to leave the house and only bring home sweets , so her diabetes got bad enough that she got uterine cancer and then fell and broke 4 ribs. I watched her lungs fill up with fluid in the hospital, right after she told the nurse it was smart to have a dog, kids were never worth it and gave me her usual smirk. I have been so trained that she used to say awful things to me and when my Dad stood up for me she would say she didn’t know she had said it the proclaim herself sick as she felt so bad about it and then I’d end up checking on her, worried she might be depressed yet the last time I realized it was just a game as I found her reading in bed with a smirk on her face. She was smarter than my Dad, he is more totally without knowledge of empathy, she knew what it was but it did not shape her behavior in anyway. I truly thought she would kill me for the family money if my grandparents hadn’t set it up so she could not access it if u died before Dad. So she had to chose to try and keep me unable to feel competent or loveable enough to feel worthy of it. I do have empathy but if I get into an abusive relationship I have no idea how to keep my animals and I safe. I am hoping to learn boundaries as I’m truly not bad , I was only taught narcissism and so became avoidant yet still craved affection and interconnectedness so would go out and be excited to get to know people but no idea how to care for myself or others. I’m trying to learn fast enough as I need to get through the triggers and learn how to manage money plus not be terrified and have my mind take me back to 4 years old if in acute stress. I think I need the ready set connect course as it really is hard to keep the animals, plants, myself and him alive. The neuropsych guy did say narcissistic traits but did not put it in diagnosis. Avoidant, self harming, ptsd and no positive coping skills but a willingness to learn. I do have amnesia of most of childhood and my parents seemed to need kids around to play with, so they were huge into teaching and helping kids who needed help.

[@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723]

Myers Briggs ENFJ-A here. My motto, I’ll be me, you be you. If we work, then there are two, if we don’t, bye bye to you!😬😜😎

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great motto!

[@bronwyntanner4501]

My mother is a malignant narcissist. Her parents were wonderful people - but I don't know what went on in her youth / childhood. She was mean and nasty and intentionally cruel to me while I was growing up. I finally went NC March 2013 when I was 54 years old. It was incredibly sore but necessary. My ex husband, passive aggressive covert narcissist, had a horrible regimental sergeant major father. Toxic and abusive. My mother and my ex husband were so alike. I don't really care what happened to them in their childhoods. Mine was horrible. I am not mean and ugly. I am empathic, kind, caring and loving. Sometimes I think narcissism is a choice - because it works for them. However they became that way, the end result is disgusting and hurtful and cruel and unkind - and they enjoy that

[@SM999]

I haven’t heard this yet but my belief is to some extent it may be that it’s learned but I think mostly not. They choose to be that way. Is what I believe. We always have a choice to be kind, compassionate, and civil. I couldn’t imagine not having a choice. I’m excited to see if I’m proven otherwise

[@domenicrudi]

After three years of observing my son which finally came to his death, I don’t think it’s a choice in their life I don’t think they want to be living their life this way I believe mentally they don’t have the capability to distinguish between The good The bad and the ugly,Dr C i’ve been following you for 2 1/2 years end it definitely has help me Dr. C keep up the good work

[@grybnyx]

Trust me they- we- I - do not choose to be this way. Narcissism is a vast emotional emptiness that was never filled as a child. The behavior comes from a place of hurt deep in the unconscious. The only choice that is involved in narcissism comes when the narcissist breaks down the walls and sees the truth of their condition, because it is ultimately so painful and lonely. Narcissism is the child's ego protecting itself from abandonment. Free will has nothing to do with it.

[@lelagermanin8410]

If someone has NPD that would be their personality, but a narcissists behavior can be coached.

[@meganjohnson9540]

Thank you so very much, Dr. C. Team healthy is awesome. I had no idea it was a thing. Again, I don’t think I can thank you enough. Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome, Megan.

[@123raven4]

You just have to love this man!!! Respectively ❤

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

Fascinating for me. Agree there are genetic tendencies and the environment is huge now. This is me. Epigenetics... environmental impact. In my case I came from what I see as very perverse family yet I have long been not just a good girl but compassionate and passionate for learning. In spite of being very enmeshed w my mom she was Irish an artist and reader. Love how you mention culture. Sadly I believe we live in a greedy culture that is misoginistic. So now I watch for these things especially if I feel control. It's Boolean logic: both/and. A worthy inquiry. Having my genetics ancestry has been liberating. And damn the environment was tough. And I have inate genetic strengths. Love it. Love me. 🌹

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well articulated, Dr. Nancy.

[@25N77]

Of course, I’ll never know but with my narc but my thoughts on her family’s contribution is what you’ll find below: 1. Her Mother. I truly loved this lady and she left this world too soon. My narc’s mom never taught her to cook nor clean. She grew up with no responsibilities whatsoever. In her 70s now and is still the same. I hired a house cleaner. 2. Her Grandmother. This woman spoiled her beyond the meaning of the word spoiled. She gave her everything and praised (overly so) her constantly. She became entitled. 3. Her Father. Daughter exactly like her dad. Everything has to be her way or she sulks and dreams up revenge and can wait months to get even. If DNA can host narcissism, these two would have been great data sets to study.

[@dadteaches]

I thought about this for a long time after having to admit Freud was partially right. I have first hand experience in studying this from 3 people close to me, for many years. One was mother and daughter, where daughter was more or less abandoned by mother, and it would seem it can be taught, because the daughter wants mom's approval so bad, she'll replicate every aspect. however the third was ex wife (freud reference) and though I believe her mother had something going on, basically abandoning the kids and ignoring them, the exactness of repeatable features between wife and my mother, whom neither had ever met, was spot on, even with the same basic phraseology, though being separated by 15 years. Short story long, I believe that 2-3 yr old brain is much more important to a narc and persists forever, and seeing the same patterns, interpreting data the way that young of a brain will in a simplistic way...it's what makes narcs predictable also, once you learn they build everything in their life with cinder block construction.

[@craigmerkey8518]

Thank you so much for all your dedication and very valuable information. I was talking to my parent on the phone who has narcissistic traits, attempting to express some brief frustration about a work issue, nothing earth shattering typical interpersonal differences. I have been working in the same industry for over 30 years. Before I could finish my thought I heard a huge sigh and the usual comment.... "you will just have to learn to get over it", than a very abrupt subject change. About 10 min later they rattled off a list of demands the company do to solve what I had not finished talking about. All supply and no connection to the conversation. The usual fixation around their perceptions of money and who was taking something from an alleged victim. Totally devoid of reality, as well as mega mad frustrating for to listen to! Natural born hollow shell!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Craig...with some people you need go no further than to talk about the weather.

[@mcm9619]

Congratulations on 600 k Dr Carter !

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yeah, that's pretty cool. #TeamHealthy

[@mcm9619]

@@SurvivingNarcissism you deserve it .

[@avoiceinthewilderness9864]

Some children are abused in infancy on by narcissistic parents. I feel like such an emotional mess! I want to heal, become whole, healthy and positively affect others. I have been married to a covert narc for 23 years and it has made me more of a mess than I already was. I am trying to get qualified so I can leave.

[@istateyourname4710]

My Father was a malignant Narcissist. He was diagnosed w/ Epilepsy as a teenager. Growing up on a farm, he wasn't allowed around machinery due to being an Epileptic, and the special attention he received bolstered the superiority he already harbored within. Prior to his diagnosis, I believe he experienced a lot of shame, as he was teased and bullied by classmates when (for example) he would drop test tubes in Chemistry class because of his illness.

[@madguruJ]

That's interesting, I had a family friend who is very narcissistic who was also epileptic, and experienced a lot of shame, he was also very spoiled financially and other ways.

[@grammiesspirit4922]

Hello! Been gone a while....Ran away from narcissist with whom I was in a sinking relationship with by your help and style and now.....I think my adult granddaughter is also an alive and well narcissist. I've come to believe that there are genetic behavior patterns that continue forever from a survival instinct need. Good or bad. Fight or flight. But I'm telling you, this girl is killing my spirit and all I can muster is disappoinment. I am a bleeding heart empath and this mess hurts.

[@Ms.Stephanie.C]

At 12:20 - very good advice. That’s been hard for me as a mother especially. These videos help me a lot. Thank you for what you do!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome, Stephanie!

[@kimberlymccracken747]

Good one this Saturday morning Dr. C 👍💐🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Kimberly

[@grammiesspirit4922]

4 years I been watching you. At this point in my life, this is the most thought provoking ....inborn inclinations plus those other broader variables...She was highly included within our family circle:. Highly excluded in all other circles.. a seesaw early life to which she chose personality characteristics of narcissism for her strongest chance of survival?

[@TFFgeek]

My sister (3 years my senior) and I roughly had the same upbringing. We were raised by our mother (my parents divorced because my father wasn't capable to do so) and were both bullied away at middle school. I became socially isolated and lost myself in games (Mainly The Sims, where I projected my life on the screen). Eventually I understood that only I could fix this situation. So I just went out, talked to people, acted in the theatre, did a lot of soul searching, writing (which I still do), had a lot of trail and error and eventually became my own self, confident, socially and mentally strong. My sister however decided to blame the outside world and never grew. She is still the little girl she was when she was bullied, which eventually made her a covert narcissist. She's never wrong, always wants compliments, never grows, never learns, stuck in the past, a string of toxic relationships, moving every few years, no social circle, unable to keep any job... I have always made my boundaries clear and clearly stated that I don't tolerate hypocrites. Yet, I've always supported her and never critisized her. It's dead air now between us, and I'm okay with that. I think this is an interesting case for nature vs nurture.

[@NOT_SURE..]

sounds like my upbringing , (my sis is 3 years older and lately thinks she is going to take over the bitchin from mum) she knows i am really confident (but non confrontational ) so doesnt do it head on , i hear her muttering under her breath like a kid in school , shes 60 years old

[@TFFgeek]

@@NOT_SURE.. Damn. Than I'm curious as to how do you deal with it? Especially to a degree that you are fine with the relation?

[@NOT_SURE..]

@@TFFgeek well, good question. i havent dealt with it very professionally. i was always the joker in the family (to avoid angry confrontation) but it went from joking to downright lowgrade covert abuse. i always give people 2 warnings , so twice i tried to sit down with mum , to say i dont like being talked to like an idiot and i know what your sayng behind my back (she just sat crying on both occcassions which stops any furhter communication , its what children do when confronted...then last year i got cancer and was hospitalised and thats when i saw the reality that these people are not empathic at all , because it was bad optics to slag off your sick son/brother they moved on to indrect put downs. like not having my grass cut or my car taxed (forgetting i was laying in hospital for a month) then i put all the pieces together and realised im worse off with these people around so one night i snapped and wrote letters to my mum and sis , succinct but to the point , i told them i know what they are doing , i know what they say behind my back and i know my sis is trying to project all her issues onto me which is laughable , i said i didnt want to see them again, that my mum and sis have driven me away , and that i think they are idiots . i told my mum i know she was sexually abused as a kid but she wasnt taking her repressed anger towards men out on me anymore . It was fking brutal but felt soooo good . i told my sis to her face to go away and leave me alone and she just put her head down and storned off and i havent seen them for 4 months now , its great . i would recomend anyone (if they are the black sheep to get rid of them) it will get worse as you get older .

[@NOT_SURE..]

no contact is the only way. i thought being near death would change how we communicate , but it got worse ... they woud make stuff up . ie i bought a drone so i could take aireal pictures of the stately home i was working in ...mum said i got it to spy on women getting undressed, THAT was the point i decided , these pople are not worth the steam off my piss and they will have to be exspunged . lol

[@TFFgeek]

@@NOT_SURE.. Wow. I tip my hat to you sir. Not only for your bravery to stand up and directly removing them from your life, but also on getting well after cancer. Good to see you made your peace and they haven't come after you. Let's hope it stays that way. Everyone deserves peace and quiet in their lives. And yeah, if you let these creatures be what they are, they'll become worse. Even if they have no-one left. They're misery machines and I hope you get to live the rest of your days in the company of loving and caring people. You look after yourself. ✊️

[@skinnyway]

well shoot - I missed today! not only is it learned behavior, its a survival tool for children of these crazed people. narcs create narcs. its the only way to survive childhood. hopefully when you escape them you can fix your life. if you dont hate everyone by then.

[@barrison666]

Glad I found your videos. I always loosely knew that Narcissim meant lack of empathy for others. Thank god I never had this in my home life as an adult but damn if I haven't found everything you point out in my workplace supervisors. Users and abusers that are never satisfied how much you have delivered that made them look good to their peers. A different demeanor when in the presence of their peers and superiors. Taking credit for my work as if it was their own brilliant idea. When knowing that I had private regular meetings with their boss, asks me what we discuss.

[@yamlwoz]

Love your channel Dr C, it seems like the only one giving the power of how to safely respond to narcs without showing anger, or getting upset. And thank you for the shout out to Perth, Australia. That's exactly where I live. Virtually invisible to the Northern Hemisphere 🇦🇺

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'll bet your ears perked up when I mentioned Perth! So many of my viewers don't have access to a wide array of therapists, which is why I am so pleased the internet allows me to communicate to individuals no matter where they live. Keep learning! Dr. C

[@un-diluted7444]

being or becoming a Narc is also a choice. watched this for years w diverse ppl. the results are terrible.

[@LaniLanilei]

Dr Carter, Thank You. I am grateful for the answers to my questions. I agree too. I like that very much. I generally view your videos several times. Something I do; not that it's difficult to understand quite the contrary. I can't believe I got it the first time but got to view again to be sure. I'm in awe. Stay tune, more is coming your way. I only just begun.

[@houseplantnerd2872]

I've finally reached a point where I think I need someone to clarify things for me. I live in a very small, rural community so I will have to get on a wait list for in person therapy. I signed up with better help but they don't seem to be in a position to work with insurance providers. I wouldn't even be considering therapy if it weren't for the education I've received here. Next step, thank you.

[@lockstar169]

Adopted at birth and having a relationship with my biological family beginning at age 24, I often think of my life as a case study in nature versus nurture...that's why I feel confident in saying, you are born with your disposition and tendencies. In my case it's actually frightening how little choice I had in the matter because of my genetics. I come up INFJ on the Meyers-Briggs MBTI testing. As you suggested Dr. C, that's pretty much the opposite end of the spectrum from a malignant narcissist and it's like I have had a giant target painted on me my whole life. It's probably worse now than it's ever been because I truly know who I am, more than I ever have.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Your comments here echo the ideas in the video. Thanks for sharing this.

[@angelawade1445]

I feel for you I hate to leave the house because all the poor people on the corners see me coming. I have to give them money and I feel so bad thinking about them the rest of the day. If it's really cold I will call until I can find someone to help them. The same with animals. I can't read or see anything bad about them or little children. I breaks my heart and I can't get it out of my mind. I have had so many narcissists in my life but I am now cutting them out one by one. For me I have to cut off all contact or they suck me back in. Stay strong and do what works for you. It's sad but I have to always be on guard. Thank God for Dr C. At least I know what to look out for now.

[@evadefrumerie3676]

Thankyou dear dr Carter 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're most welcome!

[@moonstruck562]

Yes! I like to know Dr. C. I can't wait for this one, should be interesting.

[@vanessapehl7581]

Hello Dr. Carter POWERFUL knowledge my personality is in tact I understand me being me thank you team healthy every day.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Vanessa.

[@DS40764]

I believe that I'm self centered, but I'm not unkind and selfish towards others. I try not to be. So maybe I'm more towards the minimum side of the scale. As a younger adult, I have to say, I probably was more towards the middle. I grew up in a Narc house hood and more privileged then some. Let's just say, I grew up, almost overnight because I was forced too.

[@nicolefiocco4516]

I have yet to hit play on the video but before I do, I just left an absolute shitshow with the covert narc moments ago. The minute she walked in today I knew she was looking for a fight. You can feel it in the air. I know we all know this already but there is absolutely *NO* helping, reasoning with or even talking to these "people". I actually told her, "I try SO hard to talk to you. I really try and have nice conversations with you but it ALWAYS ends up this way. Always." After I said that in total sincerety with tears rolling down my face, I had to hear how I'm "attacking" her by saying that and that I should "stop yelling at her" and try saying "thank you" to her more often and that I have no compassion. I thank her 65 million times a week, every week, for even the most MUNDANE thing that should be second nature to any human being. Apparently it's never enough. She wants a ticker tape parade and unending adulation and praise. I talk a lot about her in therapy and my therapist asked me a very poignant question: "How many 'thank yous' will be enough?" I replied that we might never know because no one has reached that number yet. I'm sure it's a mix of nature vs nurture- she is very, very clearly undiagnosed bipolar or something similar- but lately I've been thinking so much about how badly my parents f'ed her up. Dad was an absolute TYRANT, verbally abusive and explosive. Mom was a submissive, passive martyr who liked to swoop in and save the day and then act all humble about it. I blame them for the monster that is my "sister". I can't imagine I will ever forgive either one of them for leaving me to hold the bag. I can't forgive them, she's that horrible.

[@chickenbiscuit4525]

Different folks, different stokes. That's how matters stack up. Though alot of our ambitions and conquests are material in taste, less ethereal for our soul. But any stranger along our journey through life can shed awareness on this. And that is a hopeful matter for hopefully souls are usually more gatituious. Good or bad, though withoutit things can slant ugly or grim. The reactivity.

[@kellysims5732]

Hey Gus and Dr. C! May peace find you in all that you do! 🙏love Kelly

[@gypsyfaded5907]

Really interesting topic. I've often wondered about causes and the answers are complex. Have a great weekend Dr. C & Team Healthy!

[@NOT_SURE..]

you should read 'a new primal scream' by arthur janov , ive been reading psychology books for 30 years but that one spelled everything out .

[@celiastepney7997]

This is fascinating and exactly where I am now. Finally gone no contact with narcissistic parents and trying to work out which bits of me (that I don’t like) are as a result of their ‘teaching’ and what is my stuff. Thank you for making it clearer as I continue to reflect on my role in relationships/interactions and try to be a better person going forward.

[@hallelujahfreedom7457]

Thanks so much for this! Excellent! I was one (of many I'm sure) who sent an email to you about this topic. Great explanation. Cara Gangloff, PhD.

[@sharongedack4198]

This was just what I needed!! Thank you! I thoroughly enjoy your tapes and the wisdom you share!! It has opened my eyes WIDE! I regret I didn’t have the knowledge on narcissistic behavior years ago!! See you soon.

[@willowtree9082]

🙏great session Dr C and team healthy, I agree self examination is a biggy,alot drives narcissism into becoming a narcissist,lack of consequence and enablism is huge driving force in this day and age,the lack of common acknowledge and how to redeem these people is still in its infant stages.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks!

[@Clueless2019]

Thank you for explaining thoroughly the various factors involved in the development of narcissism. 😔😔😔

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome

[@maurairish8870]

As a parent and the child of parents, a depression baby and a mom that was an orphan and never had any input because she never had a model! My childhood was rough but i understood the history, "the story" of hardships and disfunction. My brother and i turned out very different. WHY!? IF you let it be your teacher, ask yourself and God why!? You know something is wrong¿ but can't quit figure it out. ¿?¿ No one can " fix" what they do not seek understanding of! I took that path! But then my first born was killed the same week of my 22 year marriage ended and i had the new girlfriend, funeral, teen children in distress turning to substance and what my 16 year old girl thought was love with an older guy all in my life at once! SMH! Me two years of acting like a fool ( asprin for pain) i finally snapped out of my stuper! I feel like I'm normal today ( not perfect ) but thankful. Looking back one sees! Either it is a spirit early on, one lets in, or maybe even born with¿ or it was a selfish choice to remain a slave, to an emotion, you refuse to look inside and NOT invest time understanding " IT" ! Only a FEW care to work that hard and rely on God to answer one day, maybe in the future, when one. .. is ready... to accept it! What ever ¿ " IT " IS? In the last days men (women) will ( to be) lovers of self denying themselves of nothing! GOD ... ( paraphrased)! I went right to the comments haven't heard dr.c yet! But i think its all on YOU and your perceptions, which is your truth alone! My daughter, i believe, has made her own reality! I'm her trama bond. I have given everything to protect both of my children but it has never been enough! Never! One is entitled the other is controlling, One, i can be myself with and tries but both spew anger! It's exhausting! and both live at my home by their doing not mine! Because i had (past tense) a health problem (which i claim was a nervous breakdown!) Smh! And do i really want to hear all the parent judgements! No! Repent Look inside Change! Jesus had a story too!

[@Dj.D25]

I have been learning about narcissism for the past year and find it very interesting. Especially questioning how people become that way. And also making sure I don't become that way because sometimes I feel I have certain traits and it feels tempting to act like a narcissist to certain people who mistreated me to get even with them, even though it does no one any good. Certain people I know in my life I believe are narcissists based on how they treat me and others. And also questioning their life decisions. One narcissist I've been following is Phil Burnell. AKA DarkSydePhil or DSP. Infamous video game streamer. I find him very fascinating to watch not just for his horrible gameplay skills (plays just about every video game like a beginner/child despite years of experience) but for his rants, his excuses, his anger, the raging, his life story, the lies, the drama and so much more. There's even a video titled "Is DSP A Covert Narcissist?" which includes clips from Dr. C himself and other well known narcissist experts who explain the different traits. DSP is fascinating for me to watch not just for good laughs at his nonsense, but also a great study on narcissism. I question often how did he become the way he is. About cultural influences, I do believe there is a lot of truth in this. How is it in certain countries, especially 3rd world countries, narcissism seems almost non existent? People from these cultures especially from poor villages appear so joyful, humble, down to earth. Yet in other countries especially here in the U.S., narcissism seems to be an accepted trait, even more so in certain cultural circles. So many famous people, especially those on social media show narcissistic traits but get a large following anyways. They seem to get away with it.

[@lelagermanin8410]

How do you control your tempations?

[@Dj.D25]

@@lelagermanin8410 Remember to let God deal with it. I did get even with a former toxic friend years ago by sharing our online conversation with everyone. Even though most of my friends took my side and questioned who this crazy girl I was friends with, her reasons for getting upset with me; a few people thought I was wrong. I did make things worse between us. Sometimes it’s tempting for me to ruin someone’s reputation for betraying me, not by using lies like a narcissist would, but by using the truth, exposing their deepest secrets they shared with me, make them look stupid for not appreciating me after all the good I did. But I don’t want to repeat that mistake I made years ago, it could backfire.

[@Mom_Non]

This was very informative! Thank you. I am an INFJ and I'll learn more about that. My Son also has learning differences so maybe over praising on my part was a component. I'm definitely going to check out the links for therapy.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

🇺🇸June 12th Commemorates 74years of Women in the Armed Services. *Women Veterans Day* 🇺🇲 is observed on June 12 in the United States, a date chosen to mark the anniversary of the *'Women's Armed Services Integration Act.'* The date is not recognized nationally, but is recognized by a number of states, either through legislation or proclamation, and organizations. Women's Armed Services Integration Act, was signed into law by former President Harry S. Truman on June 12, 1948. This law enabled women to serve as permanent, regular members of the Armed Forces. To all the women that have served or are currently serving. 🇺🇸 *I salute you* 🇺🇲

[@elizasmith5201]

I don't know. My husband I found out later was like his father. When this person described his father it was the same behavior. His father and mother divorce when he was young. He knew where he was. I think he saw him from time to time. I think he did. Sometimes I think people see if you act a certain way you get what you want. They copy it. I also think it is the way people believe. My father always acted like men were worth more. He give men the excuse to act in a narcissist way towards people. I don't know if it is learned or not. I have seen people who acted like this from little up. I have seen others who said if I act like whoever I will get what I want. They do. As a little girl I learned one thing from all these people with narcissist behavior. That was not what to do. When I was 6 years old we visited an uncle in another state. It was the only time. He was the opposite of my father. I came home realizing that the people around me did not act in my opinion right. I wanted to be like my uncle. He came to visit us when I was about 9 or ten. I decided he was a better person to be like. I think if you see the behavior around you is not what you want you can change. I am a senior citizen now. Years ago I left my family behind. My husband committed suicide when I wanted a divorce. I raised my youngest one my own. I changed things in my life after being surrounded by these people. It is learned. I don't know. Over the years people with the behavior you have described many times have tried to around me. If they get mad when I ignore them I don't care. There were sons in my father's first marriage. I seen them once or twice. I was raised with a half brother who was okay. Two or three of his sons were like all that you say in other videos. One other one was fine. That is the way it went. I was never close to the kids from his first family except the one I was raised with. By ten I basically an only child. As for your question I have seen people who do it from young. Others copy it. I have often wondered the same question. My middle daughter was not like a narcissist growing up. She married a guy with narcissist behavior. We had not spoken to her for a couple of years. We let her come we back against our better judgement. After a few months she became someone we didn't know. She started acting narcissist. We walked away about two years later. We have not spoken to her in about twenty years. We can't give her another chance. It was my mistake. I own up to it. I don't know if she got to be behavior from the husband or father. There are two grandchildren who are adults. We r told someone the story. All this person said knowing us for about ten years said the kids are the losers for not being allowed to be around us.

[@aida087]

Thank you for sharing Dr. Carter, and yes, I believe it is learned behavior!! When it comes to families that have with more than one child along with both a Narcissistic parent, and a codependent parent, their will be some kids that come out Narcissistic as well as, some coming out codependent!!

[@kelleybaringer8281]

Thank you Dr. Carter for giving your time and knowledge, and having the courage and heart to be a difference-maker and a world-changer for all of us who desperately need to receive help about this.

[@christinecarr4110]

My 1st n earliest memory is feeling guilty in the sandbox after speaking up to my best friend.. pretty sad. I've lost a lot but I'm grateful for finally figuring everything out. 12 step programs were a great tool. God has been my Savior!!! I look forward to eternity. (john 3:16) to be together again with my beloved Dad. The only bio Family member who truly loved/loves me. 💕☮️🌈 Dad died very young. I wanted to die with him but never knew why? I found out.my family got more abusive. His death caused such deep pain shock loss that it opened my world to recovery n to the road less traveled n I developed a 501c3 recycling my pain to help others. It has been very wonderful. I wrote thousands of writings n developed my Christine's Creative Arts too. Art writing calligraphy & counseling. I still miss my family's love. I'm accepting what I don't fully understand. Amazing Grace how sweet thou art..

[@djangoapple8230]

Situation Specific. Is it learned when a child can master a piano by age 5 when neither parent or others around him couldn't carry a tune if their life depended on it? Or is it learned when that same child dies homeless and broke because they couldn't even keep a job playing in a hotel lounge. It could be what a child wasn't taught more than what they learned. We should also be mindful of a child's or person's comprehension. Let's put ourselves in that spectrum for a moment. Do any of us like to be forced or manipulated out of our wheelhouse? Are most of us more than willing to try or do something outside our wheelhouse given time to learn and think about how to accomplish something new? 🤔 I'm the worst employee you could ever imagine. When left to my own creativity I'm at my best. I'm more generous, I love myself, I'm happy, more accommodating, more successful especially more open to expanding and sharing .

[@alinnepereda4345]

You are The Best dr Carter

[@janicedeeter577]

I'm not the norm.. I was raised in not nice foster homes. I realized that I did not would not be "like them"

[@Spootiful]

Is there any truth to "narcissism" potentially being one of genetic (congenital and inherent), learned individual (from trauma, fawning, etc.), and learned social (from trying to fit in with a group)? At least in the two later groups there is hope for change... I can't diagnose anyone, but watching videos and channels like this sure has helped me to understand and analyse toxic behaviour in general! 👍

[@notagain779]

It's amazing to me how they can look and seem perfectly normal in the beginning ..... until you get into a relationship with them.

[@amylee9]

I have 2 boys and I fear my youngest is a narcissist. The difference between them has always been there and couldn’t be more different. I believe this is an inborn trait. We’ve had a loving family unit with attention and respect. They haven’t lacked much. My youngest actually goes to an elite high school. He’s entitled, rude, mean. Makes me cry often. But I remember him making me cry when I would pick him up from school when he was little and he would tell me to get the hell away from him. But now it’s awful. He demands we pay for an Ivy League degree AND law school. Even though we offered to pay for most of his undergrad, he says it’s not enough. Tells us we are awful people for not saving enough for college. I tell him we’ve been saving since the day he was born and he just gives me dirty, hateful looks. It’s awful. There’s no love, hugs, support, attention that has made it better. He refuses to talk, discuss. Everything I say it’s an attack and he says we just don’t support him 🤯. It’s crazy-making . I feel he was born this way. There’s no one else in our family like this.

[@michaelgoldberg7403]

Really useful discussion

[@alinnepereda4345]

Dr Carter your home is cozy and pretty

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you.

[@globalheartwarming]

Love, safety, trust. First three years of development?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes. See if you can find Erik Erikson's stages of development. He is the gold standard.

[@globalheartwarming]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks! I recall a small book a long time ago... I'll see what I can find now and what new sense it makes.

[@Sekte-kultovi]

Yes, and no, I believe. They choose that chaos ....

[@evelina787]

“You can't force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.” “You will never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.” “Stay away from people who can't take responsibility for their actions and who make you feel bad for being angry at them when they do you wrong.”

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well stated!

[@evelina787]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you so very much ➕🍀🙏God bless you Your encourgement is extremely appreciated 👍😇🍀🙏

[@grippigrappi]

Thank you 🙏

[@mikejarrells431]

Thanks & good job.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome

[@sonyaparkin7841]

600k yay!!! 😊💛

[@jacquelinesegafredo4800]

I believe that my soon to be ex narc was praised for his abilities. To the extent that he could get away with certain trouble making.

[@redpanda2401]

Thanks Dr Carter, I never realised the causes Narcissism are so vast. Very interesting. x