Is the Narcissistic Abuse Industry TOXIC?

[@ItsAllNunya]

Your care for people like me(pwNPD + additional cluster b issues etc) is why im able to take in what youre saying and recommend your videos to others. You want us to be able to get help without stigma. That is so rare and means so much. Being able to recommend videos to abuse victims whos abusers match patterns i used to engage in is RARE. Thank you for not demonizing people like me to lift others up. Youre doing important work.

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you 🙏

[@Doyouunderstand87]

It's your narcissist constantly putting chemicals in the water turning the frogs gay? That's because you are a very good person and the narcissist is very bad

[@photina78]

🤭😆😹🤣😂😂😂

[@nickieglazer33]

I would say yes. They promote victim mentality and black & white thinking. Eg: Narcissists vs ‘Empaths’ There are many narcissistic people posing as ‘empaths’. I am compassionate but I don’t identify as being a ‘Compassionate’. Taking ownership of ones part in narcissistic abuse is key to healing. Blame is not the same as responsibility. It takes two to tango in the dance macabre and there is much life changing wisdom to be learnt from the experience.

[@somexp12]

"It takes two to tango" does *not* mean that both parties are always *morally liable.*

[@photina78]

Speaking as the Scapegoat Child of severe narcissistic abusers, who was also severely abused as an adult, I wholeheartedly agree with you! 🏆🎯💯👏🏼 I'm going to watch this video several more times today because you shared so much valuable information, I want to make sure I get it all! I've been blessed in life to have had excellent therapy from some really good mental health professionals, like you! I never felt like they were "victim blaming" when they helped me learn how to stop being a victim. Helping me understand myself, raise my self esteem, and learn to enforce healthy boundaries really worked! And your advice to focus on doing more positive things for myself is something I still need to work on more.

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you 🙏 This is what good therapy should be in these situations ❤️‍🩹+💪

[@LadyLuck8_4]

Funny how you type in the search engine: toxic behavior or manipulative behaviour, a slew of narcissistic descriptions, videos, websites are thrown at you. Is it any surprise everyone is a narcissist who displays crappy behavior.

[@digishah]

I understand where you’re coming from Dr Ruth but I agree with Dr Wendy when she says that she does not sympathize with the narcissist but rather the hurt child that they once was. While I admire your work in helping narcissist work through their trauma to get better, majority of narcissist do not want or think that they need to seek help or change. And for someone who is still in a in relationship with a narcissist who is unrepentant, cruel and abusive. Empathy can be a really confusing emotion as it may unintentionally instill a false sense of hope.

[@drruthannharpur]

I don't suggest sympathising with someone's cruel or abusive behaviour or staying in a relationship where you are being hurt or abused. I don't suggest tolerance of abusive behaviour or putting yourself in dangerous situations - ever. However, understanding the underlying motivation can be helpful when coping with a very difficult relationship. I also think it's important to emphasise that abuse and narcissism are not the same thing and may people are coping with challenging relationships where they aren't being abused and they do want to remain in relationship with the other person. For some, this is certainly possible.

[@jessicamontgomery1380]

I would love to understand how it is possible to abuse someone without being actively narcissistic in the process 😂 I am fascinated by your desire to defend the “good parts” of narcissism and how important it is the people don’t equate narcissism with abuse. How much it “hurts a cluster b person’s” feelings that there is a raging stigma about the reality of their damaging behavior is the last thing on my list of concerns in this world

[@somexp12]

​@jessicamontgomery1380 You can abuse someone for ideological reasons, or because of substance issues, or because your culture instructs you to mistreat others in a certain way, or because you simply don't recognize the impact of your actions, or because you just cynically decided it was a useful and appropriate way to achieve your goals, or for many non-narcissistic reasons besides these. I find it rather strange how "narcissism" has become the explanation for all bad behavior. People harm others for all sorts of reasons. There isn't a category of human who does all the evil, leaving the rest of humanity off the hook. And there isn't a category of human that is destined to do any particular type of evil. The only consistently reliable diagnostic tool for determining who will commit a certain crime is to check on who has actually committed that crime in the past, especially those who've done it recently.

[@JúliaLT-z2r]

​​@@jessicamontgomery1380I could say that I am a survivor too, because my family of origin consisted of a cluster c disordered parent functioning in a borderline level of development, and their defense mechanisms like splitting, porous boundaries, non diferentiation between herself and her children or spouse, who she treats as a part of her body most of the time, without wven understanding that she does that, took a toll on my development, and guess what, she s not a narcissist, she has a cluster c pd due to being raised by a woman with an even more sever cluster c pd at the psychotic level, so she could argue she's a survivor too and on and on, but she cannot behave any differently because she hadn't developed certain skills to be able to perceive herself and others in a more mature way and she refuses to go to therapy, she s afraid . Is she an abuser? In this particular case no she isn't but her pd affected my own development greatly, I have issues but less severe than hers so, she did a better job than my grandma ever did with her, raising me. What I mean by that? Cluster b personality disordered people can behave in inmature unhealthy ways, so can cluster a and c disordered people, when functioning below the neurotic level , but if you re an adult, you can have boundaries and compassion, nobody forces you to stay with a sick person who affects your mental health negatively, you can learn how to not let yourself be manipulated, and see manipulation as a clumsy tool that certain people use to meet their needs, as they don't know any other way, and choose to stay out of this kind of relationships. Also, making the assumption that those survivor groups consist only of healthy individuals who happen to be survivors and that there aren't personality disordered individuals who are also survivors of some abusive relationships, while at the same time having toxic behaviours themselves, or adult children hence also survivors of bad childhoods, etc, is naive and black and white thinking, it is not survivours vs disordered, there are also disordered people among survivors, because we re all human

[@pdquestions7673]

appreciate this

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you John 🙏

[@Scientology-The-Big-Lie]

Great advice

[@SallyJoeTimestamps]

Hi Dr Ruth! Your videos on narcissism have been so helpful and insightful. I’m curious to hear your perspective on “flying monkeys.” I’d love to hear a more balanced and empathic view on that sort of relationship, everything online makes them sound purely sadistic. Thank you again :)

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you Sally! Can you give me an example of what you mean by "flying monkeys" the relationship dynamics you're talking about? Do you mean the "flying monkeys" are sadistic?

[@SallyJoeTimestamps]

I mean why the "flying monkeys" seem to have unwavering loyalty towards the narcissist and do hurtful things on their behalf. The videos I've seen in the past made it sound like their motivations are purely to harm to whoever the narcissistic person is having issues with.

[@drruthannharpur]

@@SallyJoeTimestamps ok... this is on my list of videos to make as I have lots to say on this!

[@SallyJoeTimestamps]

@@drruthannharpur Amazing!!

[@thebirima91]

Because of your video I once again invited my wife who is currently giving me the silent treatment (more than a month now) to join the dinner albeit to no avail. These persons are extremely complicated and childish.

[@drruthannharpur]

I'm sorry, the silent treatment is cruel ... nobody deserves to be treated as invisible in their own home. Please take care of yourself

[@digishah]

Hi Dr Ruth, will a new video be out this week?

[@drruthannharpur]

I hope so - unfortunately I tried to record one during a thunder storm and the audio is diabolical so I am having to re record - thank you for waiting 🙏

[@drruthannharpur]

Ta-da! By popular request... kzbin.info/www/bejne/mZDZnYZ5ZcuDqassi=BwBNNGeMVQ39Jzg8