Is Van Life Lonely? (I have no Friends at 40)

A vlog about gaining confidence through discomfort & healing after a narcissist.
#narcissist #confidence #nomad
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Natasha Hynes, from Montreal, Canada, bought a Dodge Sprinter van in 2021 with the dream of waking up in the mountains of the West Coast. After downsizing her life to move out of a toxic living situation and into a van with her 3 cats, Natasha crossed the country overcoming many obstacles along the way.
Over the following four months she would cross the country two more times, once on her way to document a historic moment in Canada, and another after being abandoned without a vehicle by her then co-traveler on the wrong side of the county.
While facing many life-threatening scenarios along the way, she made her way back to her van on the west-coast. Her vlog, Quest Out West, chronicles the good and bad of van life, travel, and life struggles without the glamorous bias you see on social media, with the ultimate goal of inspiring you to face your fears, transcend limitations, and go after the life you really want.

[@QuestOutWest]

Get a signed copy of my book "Unconditional Self-Love" (crowdfinding): questoutwest.com/collections/crowdfunding

[@Alex-ergo]

Hey Natasha i just bought a copy of your signed book. Is it posible for you to sign it to me petsonally?

[@QuestOutWest]

@@Alex-ergo ABSOLUTELY! Thank you! 💖

[@elizabethjooste886]

You are not alone. At 63. Have 4 cats and one dog now. Yes they are my life, but one needs at least one friend, my pets keep me too busy anyway.

[@Patbla417]

I also have 3 kitties and 2 dogs ❤

[@K8theKind]

Pet is a slur that refers to a slave. Your cats and dog are your family and your fur babies 💜

[@jr2no160]

Welcome to reality. A friend pool of toxic individuals is the loneliest existence anyone can live.

[@Mizz.Person]

Sidenote. I absolutely love how you are letting your hair go naturally. I am as well. It makes you feel old but is so beautiful. Your eyes look so blue! So you go, girl! Us 40 yr olds can age gracefully and be awesome!

[@dani_mack]

In the last frame, where it's over your shoulder, I think it looks so cute! Maybe a cute spring cut?

[@caroloum5323]

Great video. I get being alone doesn't mean your lonely.. Its not a bad thing. I love to listen to your videos so keep them going. Enjoy the holidays..and the change of season. ❤

[@jimlotus]

WE MUST ALL COME TOGETHER NOW AS THE GOVERNMENT TRIES TO DIVIDE US ALL

[@luciannebeans6679]

The government? More like social media companies and news outlets that thrive off our negative reactions and keep us constantly distracted from real life.

[@shellywelsh2316]

I think it's the generation you're in and the introduction of social media. More interest in the achievement of personal items and the need to base your worth on what you can show to others. I was born in December 1964, so see myself as a Boomer/early Gen X hybrid. Grown up in a time where we worked on our relationships, found people that matched my interests. I did a lot of 'withouts' to maintain the house/property that I have now. The newer generations had a lot given to them that the older generations had to work for. A lot of this was due to homes going from single income (Dad)/Mom at home to double income parents. The time and attention to the children dwindled when both parents were working and parents, due to the guilt of not having the time with the kids, showered the children with whatever they wanted (not needed but wanted). As well, the hierarchy in the family shifted to where parents started to ask children for their input on decisions made in the home. This put the kids in a position where they were getting things, making decisions, etc. but they didn't actually work for them. So when they got older and were in a place where they needed to work for their gains they were not able to compute that as they had always been given things without working for them. As far as friends, I never had a 'play date' arranged by my parents growing up. Our days weren't micromanaged by parents, being put in many afterschool activities to occupy us while parents finished their work days and rushed home to get supper ready, pick up kids, etc. We were just thrown out there and got into groups of friends that shared our interests... life long friends now. TL:DR basically it was the breakdown of the traditional family that has caused all of this LOL

[@CataLyst7Continued]

Nice breakdown.... (I'm Gen X 1970)

[@shellywelsh2316]

@JeffTheCanuck3 ​ @JeffTheCanuck3 Yup, my parents were the first to divorce on the block but not until I was in grade 7 so I pretty much knew that law of the land by then. LOL Latch key kid too.... I have the stylish string with key around my neck LOL

[@asmradventureasmr]

@JeffTheCanuck3 I was a "Latch Key" child & my key was kept on a chsin around my neck so I wouldn't lose it. My mom did her best to provide for us after her divorce from my dad.

[@dani_mack]

@@JeffTheCanuck2 Gen X 🙋‍♀

[@serenityjewel]

😂😂😂

[@strongwoman2668]

I'm 46 and I'm my only true friend!!!☺️ Your not alone!!!!🙏🙏

[@Alex-ergo]

You and me both natasha. I ditched al my friends when i turned 30. And i just feel great. Take care my sis from abother mother,you are doing great!

[@QuestOutWest]

Thanks for getting a copy of my book!!!! 💖💕🤗

[@Alex-ergo]

@@QuestOutWest i been waiting for your book for a while and finaly it comes true:) cant wait to get it and read it. I am sending you love and light natasha ,i wish you the best out there on the road. You are such an inspiration 🤩😇

[@NikkiG360]

I'm 42 and have many acquaintances, but no solid "ride or die" friends. Like you, there was a lot of toxicity and trauma bonds. I've evolved beyond what those relationships offered and have discovered that I quite enjoy my solitude.

[@jen4um]

I just discovered your channel tonight and it’s peaceful. Thank you for your content. There is something to be said for having few friends. Most people who have many friends don’t really have close connections, just superficial “friendships”. I consider anyone blessed who has even 1 close friend.

[@Albusolar]

Thanks for this, you made me giggle at the end. Happy, free and never alone when you have nature around you. 🤗🌻🤗

[@BlissfullyBearFoot]

You’re a wonderful speaker! So much truth & to learn. I also do not have friends…work colleagues but no true friends but that’s how I want & like it 🙂🐾💕

[@tinagerhardt2376]

I can totally relate to this and truly believe that you are correct, we need to meditate and get in touch with ourselves and be comfortable with ourselves, then venture out to socialize. But everyone is someone broken. We can only love ourselves and others. This world is our school to learn how to become better for the next life.

[@charityrocks]

Every single “friend” that I have ever had has needed to move in with me eventually and require ME to pay their bills. I extinguished my bleeding heart because I don’t enjoy being used and then called names by someone who expects more from me than they do themselves.

[@QuestOutWest]

I can relate

[@matejcermak]

Separation also results in many single people who will never have kids. Also too many young strong people do not even want to have kids, so many I can't believe. It will change back but it can take decades to happen. I've been thinking recently why is not everyone happy in their life, we have resources for everyone, food housing and everything but instead, all of us want to have more. So all less rich people have to fight to even survive.. I hope everyone finds their peace, and much sooner then after being retired

[@ericaperalta2185]

I am 43 years old and I feel the same way. I never had friends growing up and as an adult! Because I never new about boundaries, self love self respect! I never new about narcissistic personality, covert narcissist personalities, gas lighting and verbal abuse, emotionally abuse, manipulation! Now I am thankful for KZbin I am learning and realized that I matter I come first love my self. I learned family is never thick the blood! I believe I will find a new family and friends. I keep healing going to therapy it's amazing. I am traumatized with dating have relationship. That's is the next step in healing.

[@MyGreatestEscape]

Well said 🙏

[@VK-qe7if]

Hi Natasha, I lost touch with the few friends I had at school many years ago, but when I lived in my own home I made friends with a woman who lived just up the road from me. She used to go on holiday, which I never had the money to, and I used to look after her cats for her quite a few times when she was away. She split up with her then partner, and moved out and met another guy and they bought a house together, and she went up market. I remember one of her cats crying for milk when she opened the fridge and she wouldn't give him any, she had plenty of money, but she got greedy. This said cat became ill with a thyroid problem and she wouldn't pay for the medication to keep him going which I thought was very cruel, and then I heard that she had the cat put to sleep, and she didn't even have the decency to stay with him, and to bring his body home. So I distanced myself from her, then out of the blue she rang me and the first thing she said to me was "I've got a new BMW car " I knew then I didn't want to be her friend anymore. Sometime later and through my love of German Shepherds I met a woman and she and I became good friends, but she had some mental health issues and I became her carer for a while but it became too much for me. We still stayed friends but this guy moved in with her and I didn't see her very much, but she ended up in hospital and sadly took her own life by hanging herself even though she was on 10 minute watches and she was only 46. It was heartbreaking 💔 I miss her very much. I just wish I'd gone round to her house and seen just what was going on with her and this guy, maybe I could have prevented what happened. I have a couple of friends, but not really close friends and I don't see them much, but that's just how it is.

[@QuestOutWest]

Its not your fault. 💖

[@specialstone9153]

What a touching story!

[@ousamaelafifi2450]

You are so smart , sensitive, unique and gorgeous that's why it's hard for you to have friends

[@LSChestersMom]

I am way introverted and I love being alone... I have my own business and a beautiful dog ( see photo) ... my late is lovingly full as is....and I always prefer a genuine connection to having a lot of people around... thankfully I love myself and enjoy my own company :)

[@chirovandenbos2339]

People are programmed robot slaves of the system thinking happyness starts with extern factors like status, money, material things, people etc.....all relativ and an illusion create by society. If your happyness depend on extern factors you will never be because extern factors are endless. Happyness starts inside you. Thats why a lot of people buy stuff or look a certain way out of emptyness or insecurity.....sad The more people around you, the more expectations, talk about others, lying, frustrations, negativity, jealousy, hate, double standards, own benefits, judge, comparing etc..... reflection of their broken souls. Alone or in solitude you have more strength, peace, power, happyness, freedom and time. No, not feeling superior or better then others but more be carefully and awake. Be the light in your own life.....the here and now is where the magic happens.

[@RustyX2010]

I'm 53 and have no friends by choice! LOL I had lots of friends from high school till my late 30's but I just got tired of the BS my friends were having. You just have to cut off toxic friends. People at work are not your friends either they are only Co-Workers no matter how long you've acquainted them for!

[@CataLyst7Continued]

Other than referring to or believing my faith is a "cult" I generally enjoy your channel and what you have to say about things. You're a smart girl and your editing skills are awesome.

[@Alex-ergo]

hopethe cats are doing good. Now the summer is up and i can just imagine your next explorations😇

[@debblucher2513]

I'm 65 and have no friends. Acquaintances...yes.

[@cathyluscko3788]

I have no friends and love it that way!! Really I'm happy!! 😂

[@katec9893]

I'm 40 and I have no local friends. I have a few new friends I met in a support group online who I appreciate, we talk honestly with each other but it's all through the phone. I'd love to also have some good local friends. I used to before I got ill with depression and they disappeared, some of them were toxic and narcissistic too so I chose to end those friendships. I'd love to have people to meet for coffee, have dinner at each others houses on Saturday nights have bbqs together. I too feel anxiety about the economy, work, bills, housing. And I also see the world quite differently to the mainstream which can be isolating. I felt less alone listening to your video so thanks for sharing and I've subscribed.

[@QuestOutWest]

🤗

[@paulcooper-n2v]

I'm 24/7 alone no family no friends.

[@jimlotus]

WOW YOU SOUND A LOT LIKE ME AND YES WE ARE ALL ALONE NOW PEOPLE ARE VERY REJECTING NOW FOR NOT BEING SIMILAR TO THEM BUT WE HAVE LOST THE COMMON GROUND WITH EACH OTHER AND THE LONELINESS HAS SET IN NOW

[@CHICOandtheVAN]

what aboot your cats? pets make the best friends.

[@QuestOutWest]

They do, eh

[@CHICOandtheVAN]

@@QuestOutWest I miss my dog. He was The best.

[@missroxanne7123]

You made it down the hill! That did look dicey! Have a good time Natasha! 👍👍

[@MsCarrie792]

You remind me of Little Red Riding Hood..keep lifeing and begin free...

[@jimlotus]

YOU SURE ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOUR PERSONALITY IS WONDERFUL TOO 😊🌈🙏🏿🤠

[@johnj1602]

I dont have family or friends! Not lonely, i hv my cats! My family!

[@darryldoesit966]

just enjoy the freedom you have !!! vanlife is the coolest thing !!!

[@KATASTROPHE69S]

All relationships are about convenience.

[@randymccormack4259]

Sure you do read your posts and who is watching videos .

[@vickiejomosqueda918]

I do identify with this. Life is hard I'm alone in Mexico. Retired and moved here. I basically have become a hermit.i love the quiet and can shut out the world. All my friends are via what's app or face time. 😢

[@rainbow_warrioress]

I resonate with every word. Well said. ❤

[@karenlewkowitz5858]

Friendship is a lovely concept. Like the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. We have exchanges of good energy, and kindness, even. Generally, we have transactions.

[@AutomaticDuck300]

I have friends but I don’t know how or why. The problem today is that everyone is miserable due to life becoming increasingly more difficult.

[@PookieK]

Natasha I just recently found your channel and I have to say I am loving your content. I am so proud of how you are no longer afraid to put it out there. Stand up and take care of yourself. I would love to be your friend- I think we would be great friends as we are like minded on the definition of what a friend is, setting boundaries and being real with each other. Btw - agree there is no APP for that!!

[@QuestOutWest]

🤗💖

[@rakshakaur1985]

I definitely can relate to your way of thinking and feeling. I am almost 53 and have 3 friends (that I see more or less often). Through lots of pain and emotional struggle, I learned a lot about life and myself, to the point that I experience peace, gratefulness, and happiness every day (not that I don't have 'bad days' LOL). I enjoy my time, my freedom of choice and even when I am aware of the things that 'could have been', I don't miss them at all. Greetings, hope you are having a lovely time 🙏🏽☀️

[@libbyjones552]

I'm 72 and don't have any friends here in the town of Pickens, S.C..I moved here from Atlanta, Ga 7 years ago and haven't made new friends..I have friends and a daughter in Atlanta..I now live with my son, that's never been married..He's 56..I've decided it's better to be alone at this time in my life..I love myself and really don't need anyone else..But thats just me..I do have a small dog and a cat..They are my babies..Oh yes, I do have 3 grandsons , 2 lives in Atlanta and 1 here..I love your channel..❤

[@joncheung1378]

You are doing great. What you do outside of social interaction counts. You are building up a repetoire of experiences and stories which can be connecting points in future conversations. Keep living it up.

[@RecoveringHermit]

I relate to this. In my 20s when I struggled to make friends I would end up with people who were not good for me. But back then I thought it was better than being alone. Now I'm also in my 40s and very comfortable in my own company. I would like community but I find people so exhausting. I'm slowly learning how to not allow people to drain me without completely isolating myself. Thank you for posting this video as it's rare to hear the experiences of mid-life women :)

[@DAClub-uf3br]

Isn't van life just a polite name for being homeless?

[@QuestOutWest]

Depends. I did a whole video on that.

[@elizmon8526]

So you DO have friends. It's up to you to make time to see them and meet up with them. Big difference. From someone that has ZERO friends or 1 friend, that chooses to spend time with others instead of them.

[@JustaBubu]

One with God is the majority ❤

[@EugeneLorey]

Lucky, friends hold you back.

[@QuestOutWest]

The wrong ones hold you back. The right ones pull you forward.

[@boogitybear2283]

I’m a 42 year aged single male. I stopped associating with my “Acquaintances” years ago. Most people think they have friends, but in reality, they have acquaintances. I guarantee when you’re dead and gone, none of those “friends” will be visiting your grave like they won’t visit mine nor will I visit theirs. I am at peace being a loner. Most people that are on drugs or in prison were from “influence” aka “their acquaintances”.

[@QuestOutWest]

💯

[@Kd9bpy]

Preach it sistah....at 58 i much prefer alone than toxicity.....over all of that.

[@lauraslanesvanlifetravels]

Again...same...crazy how similar we are 😊 And you have a friend in me ❤️

[@valentinam1379]

I just found your channel and am binging it but decided to comment on this one because so many things you’ve said - and HOW you say them - really made sense in a deeper place. I’ve been doing vanlife since January and my experience has been horrible so far. I find myself tolerating people less and less, and thus being alone is what I crave but then the fear of the road by myself and all the dangers people pose keep me from being adventurous. I’d love to know people with similar values and beliefs that are also traveler and like being alone in the close vicinity of others, because there is safety in numbers. But that’s actually hard to find. Thank you for popping up on my recommendation def feed, you have a lot of charisma, are excellent speaker and so much wisdom to share that you easily earned my subscription. If only I could make it to your retreat! Not possible this time but I will aim for a future one!

[@QuestOutWest]

💕💕💕

[@truthwhynot1237]

Wow! Powerful!!❤🤗

[@jen4um]

Hell a no ap. I love it. I’m in America. There is a darkness over our land and the whole world in my opinion. I’m very awake.

[@danettepennington4756]

Natasha, I understand your feelings. I grew up with a sister that was very talented and outgoing while I was a wallflower. I had 2 girls that I would call true friends. I haven't heard from either of them in decades. I would like to talk to you 1 on 1. Find me on messenger if you want someone to talk to. I am not a therapist or any kind of professional, just another person that's alone. I hope to hear from you soon.

[@Goodwillwinoverevil1984]

1. I've come to realize in my 39 about to be 4 years here on earth is that people are selfish. They only like you and want to be with you if there is something they can gain from it. If they want something from you. Otherwise, they could care less! If not that, then it would have to be because they are getting paid. Sometimes, not even then! 2. I think it's always been like that but now people are less ashamed to be that way that's why. 3. People DO find it harder to make friends as adults because alot of our peers and friends as you said are either tied up in relationships and or have children to care for or a job that's sucking up most of their time just trying to scrap by. It's a sad world we live in. Not to mention a hard one and yes, like you said, maybe that is one major reason my parents have been together for close to 47 years while my relationships keep failing shamelessly. 4. Also people are always vying for attention. Wether they are 16 or 60. Especially online. They it's like they never mentally grew out of the high school stage.

[@Goodwillwinoverevil1984]

Oh and one more thing: People LOVE to put you in boxes (negative ones especially) in order to feel better about themselves!

[@erimozata5120]

Same. 40 yo, no friends. I mean I have some but I don't even see them. No one really calls me like before. It's been like this since my divorce which was 4 years ago. But I guess I am doing better in other fields. I removed many people from my life too. This is something between the devil and the deep blue sea. I am not sure which one is better but I guess some people are better off alone

[@QuestOutWest]

Not forever. Your people are out there.

[@175south]

❤you are a beautiful person god loves you ❤

[@28copland]

Irish guy here who'd love to be your friend ❤

[@missroxanne7123]

I treasure my time alone. I am married and have a full time job where I work 12 hr shifts in a hospital. I love my husband and just tolerate most of my coworkers. I am going on my first solo camping in my car trip this May. I’ve been putting it all together and really looking forward to it. It’s about 3 hrs away in a campground. If it gets too scary I’ll just go sleep at a Cracker Barrell. Being alone is one of the things I’m really going to enjoy. I was raised as an only child and my parents divorced when I was 10. My mom worked ALOT so I was alone a lot. I have no kids. Now it’s where if I have too much time alone it seems like I’m doing something wrong. Lol. Oh and friends I would say you and I are in the same boat. I have one person I consider a true friend. We text almost daily and do something on avg once a month to every other month. True friends are hard to find. Some people surround themselves with people and call them friends. Well good for them. It’s not for me. Sounds like a pain in the ass to me. Lol

[@asmradventureasmr]

I agree with what you stated here.

[@randymccormack4259]

Yes you can well said stay real and be safe .

[@darryldoesit966]

everyone is too busy and wrapped up just trying to survive this crazy world to have close friends...people that have a lot of close friends are usually living the 'normal' life. lol. married, kids, careers, that's normal. WE my dear are not normal....just accept that and be happy with who you are and where you are at in this time in life !!! i personally enjoy being alone...mostly...lol. sometimes not tho. Being a man tho, it would be nice to have a woman to hang out with.

[@randymccormack4259]

Hi friend have a great day.

[@175south]

I’ll be your friend ❤

[@dani_mack]

Agreed about the dating apps!! 😣

[@JasonFleischman]

like your story I think alot of people can relate .

[@JasonFleischman]

i emailed ya

[@Rose-dl6xg]

Excellent video young lady. I understand you 100% And yes, we would need to be around people that respect boundries, without being angry and offended. God bless you. I have one friend I talk to regularly. I had to go N/C with every family member cause they all believe I'm their personal property, and I'm only alive to be their personal and emotional punching bag!! So the block button, has also become a friend for me. LOL

[@TonyTheTiger1000]

Am 29 and I can’t even find any strong role models male friends at all 0 friends also am Taurus

[@QuestOutWest]

Then, maybe you are meant to be one for others.

[@TonyTheTiger1000]

@@QuestOutWest Very good person I just been hurt so much before but still looking for that one friend I never had good parents no father so is even more difficult 😞

[@lizmerrick9029]

love this

[@CarnivoreFTW]

I feel like, if I wouldnt have my kids, I would not have any purpose here.

[@QuestOutWest]

I've had moment where I felt like if I didnt have to feed and care for my cats that I wouldnt have a reason to be here, so I think I get it. But the reality is you affect more ppls lives than your kids.

[@ninjaotb9]

Amen! 😻😻🚐👍🏼

[@kristatjaden1834]

I have one friend and I've known her for 37 years. She is awesome. NOw I'm taking care of her father . But now wr have no vehicle 😢 so it not fun to get to do something fun

[@domoniquesacco4964]

I love to hike but I would really like a hiking friend since it can be very unsafe and dangerous to hike alone. People disappear on hikes way too often…

[@daveallison1888]

Join the club im 62 was a truck driver 1.5 yrs ago thought i was having a heart attack was diagnosed with a 4.5 arotic tear in heart valve dealing with that went to get glasses diagnosed with a rapid growing cataract in right eye all alone

[@dm-jf5uu]

I have no friends I am 38

[@QuestOutWest]

*hugs*

[@mouse9665]

My only and best friends have 4 legs and bark in our conversations 😊 🐕🐕🐕💜💜💜👸 cause my judgment on friends and men is horrible. So I don't have anyone I trust enough anymore to be in my headspace 😐😎♈️

[@QuestOutWest]

I can relate to that 💯

[@53Mazza]

Your my friend, X. Even if you didn't know.

[@patriciacomedyandlife3716]

Im 50 and I have no friends sis i havent had any in years.

[@patriciatownsend7038]

Stay grounded with yourself.

[@derrick1964]

17:07 “Look at that view!” Hilarious 😂

[@goddesslv1]

Nice video ! Thanks for sharing!

[@randymccormack4259]

You must be a Taurus like me if so i understand what you are saying.

[@lizburrowschapin2871]

I'll be your friend. 😊

[@yuppy-hp1mc]

Very good information. 👍🍺

[@tonyedward6909]

Get a cat or a dog.

[@skeeterhennen9274]

wise words

[@rainbow_warrioress]

I can imagine if anyone saw you going down that hill, you probably would of given them a good laugh. 😅

[@QuestOutWest]

🤣

[@helene1779]

❤️🙏🏼👍🏼👍🏼✌🏼❤️🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈

[@Bebe-og3bc]

I think that the older you get the harder it is to make friends. My friends that I grew up with sense high school age all 3 have passed away by the time I turned 50. Time starts to mean more to me the older I get.