It's Good To Be Aroused (with Sam Jolman)

[@temberharward]

Such a powerful discussion! As always, love your content. These are crucial conversations we need to be having.

[@alexlindstrom555]

This is awesome! I once thought that overcoming porn/masturbation meant getting rid of my sexuality or “no longer being attracted to” what I’m attracted to. Yet it’s more like a lane change with God.

[@HusbandMaterial]

Interesting thought!

[@PsychoBible]

You're speaking my language here, guys!

[@japojo1958]

Awesome interview - literally. There really is so much here.

[@HusbandMaterial]

Haha! Great pun!

[@Dub_97]

Currently reading this book, so Sam mentions that for many or woman to notice someone and in that it can cause someone arousal, or also sexual arousal but goes on to say that that’s sexual attraction.. (not lust) Would you agree that general arousal in noticing someone, isn’t (sexual) attraction. But if being sexually aroused (erect) IS sexual attraction. Because humans are wired to notice many things and to cause us to be happiness and Joy or even have general excitement about something, I don’t think there’s any sexual there. Only becomes sexual when we feel pleasure in our genitalia huh

[@HusbandMaterial]

I hope this is clarifying: Arousal is the body's natural response to stimulation. Arousal can be pleasurable or painful. Attraction is the body's natural response to pleasurable stimulation. (physical, emotional, and/or sexual) Aversion is the body's natural response to painful stimulation. (physical, emotional, and/or sexual)

[@emmahammond741]

So are you saying it's normal and good for guys to notice women and that some are more beautiful to them than others and be aroused by them as long as their mind isn't going to wrong thoughts with them? This is so confusing to me and my husband to know where to draw the line when we've been taught that basically even noticing a pretty woman is wrong. Like it's the second look that's wrong type of teaching. Is this what you're saying that it's normal for a guy to be turned on for random women out in public, or what? I'm trying to understand. I feel like the church has made us feel guilty for any feeling toward the opposite gender. Thanks! I hope you'll reply to my comment.

[@emmahammond741]

I think in trying to overcome porn and pornified view of women it's almost like they're taught to turn off any noticed of women or beauty and it's hard to know where to draw the line. I don't want my husband to feel vilified forever just for noticing someone but where is that line?

[@HusbandMaterial]

Yes, I am. Having sexual thoughts and feelings toward the opposite gender (or the same gender) is as normal as having emotions-it's part of being human. What matters is what we DO with those thoughts and feelings.

[@HusbandMaterial]

YES. Exactly. The line is between lust and love. Lust is about taking and using. Love is about giving and receiving. Lust is objectifying and transactional. Love is honoring and relational.

[@emmahammond741]

@@HusbandMaterial yeah I'm not sure I'll ever be ok with my husband being 'aroused' sexually by other women. James tells men to treat all women as mothers and sisters, with all purity. I don't think it's normal for a man to be aroused by their mother, sister, daughter etc. Noticing beauty (my husband notices that his daughter is a beautiful person created by God) is different than being aroused.

[@HusbandMaterial]

@@emmahammond741 Arousal is an automatic neurochemical reaction to stimulation. There are different types of stimulation and different types of arousal.

[@Monokitsune]

“What arouses you is a story.” That…tracks well considering erotic fiction actually. 🤔

[@HusbandMaterial]

Yes, it does.

[@perrietalley5546]

This is horrible advice to recovering porn addicts! There's a big difference between a "normal man" noticing attractive women/people in public and an ex porn user who is just scanning in public now for dopamine hits rather watching videos. It's takes a long time for men to get to a healthy point to function right in public.

[@HusbandMaterial]

Voyeuristically scanning in public is predatory and pornographic. Practicing mindfulness and self-regulation while noticing an attractive person is not. This is an important skill that ex-porn users need to learn.