it’s okay to be sad. (new tattoo)

happy friday ⭐️
this week has been a little hard for me. it started with some very vivid dreams last week, where it would leave me out of it after waking up.. whether it is feeling restless before bed, or waking up several times throughout the night, i have been feeling more and more exhausted (which is a recipe for disaster)- i tend to catch colds very easily when I'm low on sleep.
I've been leaning into self compassion and acceptance, so trying to do what feels right in the moment with regard to knowing this is a passing phase.
and it's okay that im sad, and that what has been causing the sadness is a representation of a very meaningful part of who i am (dear family i've loved and lost).
so this weekend i hope to get to bed early and rest up, and take next week with a fresh beginning!
i hope my words made sense? i am a little out of it even now haha. sleep was poo poo again last night.
see you next weeeeek!
❣️ julian's instagram and portfolio / snakebone_
www.julianalex...
🦋my ONLINE SHOP- pyperbleu.com (hope to add new stuff soooon)
instagram: @pyperbleu and @pyperbleucollective
✿ if u enjoy these videos and want to support the making of them, find me on patreon~ / pyperbleu
^im a little absent for the time being as i find my bearings, but i am so grateful the financial contribution and support :•)
FTC- not a sponsored video!

[@annabellegao]

i realized i forgot to film the tattoo results xD i will post on instagram today, so check out the simple initials tattoo on my feed :') @pyperbleu

[@lauracielopr]

hi Annabelle, a few years ago you introduced in one of your RISD vlogs a concept called “loss in limbo”. I think at that time you had mentioned that both your grandfather and father were sick. That concept has stuck with me for years as I share similar experiences of having a sick parent, who ultimately has chronic and degenerative illnesses and won’t progress. Although my dad is still alive, the concept of grief comes in waves for me and I feel them physically and emotionally in the form of chest pains, nightmares, lack of motivation, etc. As you mention in this video, sadness and feeling down is a part of life, we just have to learn how to listen to our bodies to better process said emotions. I’m sending you lots of strength and love during this time. Your fathers spirit will always be with you. ❤

[@lydia6147]

Annabelle, the thought of my dad dying fills me with such a deep sadness and dread that I wonder how I'll cope when it eventually happens. He's perfectly healthy, maybe not a spring chicken... but anyway! Watching your videos where you talk about it shows me that it is possible to live fully on the other side. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for that. If you do see this, I'd love to know something that you're especially glad you did with him, or something you wish you'd done. And then I'll go do it with my dad, and take the time to fully appreciate him. (Hope that's not a weird suggestion) I'm 24 and also a professional artist just for context, so I relate to you in other ways too and love your videos. Stay cosy xxx

[@gingerbearrr]

Oh Annabelle, you give me hope that by the time the 1 year anniversary of my dad’s passing rolls around, that I might feel ok and accepting. I remember your videos of grief really helped me feel less lonely when I was going thru it. Wishing you all my love ❤

[@macymae8129]

i've been a ghost sub for a while, but i loved this chat. i hope you are able to cultivate a state of peace and acceptance as you move through life. and i love what you said towards the end: "I feel sad, but I don't feel heavy." thanks for your openness

[@nopbye]

Hearing you talk about your dad made me cry. People like him, parents that aren't blood related and actively chooses to love their children are such a powerful force of good. I'm not a religious person and I don't believe in any type of god or divine, I think the universe is indifferent to us living things, so when we make a choice to love even when we don't necessarily have to, to me, is such a moment of "this is what make us beings" (I won't say humans bc other animals also have these moments). I'm just rambling at this point lol. I just want to say, your dad was a rockstar and his light will always shine through the people he loved. Sending lots of love to you from Brasil! ❤️

[@duckmayra23]

Hi Annabelle, I lost my mom almost 5 years ago, and still when it comes the day that happened I feel sad too and within the years I've learned, as you say, that it is okay to be sad, and feel it, and cry it out. Now I just embrace it, and I dont be ashame of crying, cos thats the way I am letting it out. I also got a tatto of a portrait of my mom and I, and its a reminder that she's still here with me, in my heart and my smile. Thanks for sharing this part of you. Love u.

[@Yeodoongiiie]

💕

[@alahere]

I always enjoyed the vlogs in which you would have some interaction with your dad. I’m happy that he received lots of love from you all. I’ve been thinking about my father, too. He passed away on March 2021, so it’s almost 2 years now, and I see lots of growth in myself since then. It’s like the pain is there, and it’s not with shame or guilt, but it’s because of his empty place, and that I miss him.

[@kammythecreative]

did I cry as soon as it started..yes. but im happy that im able to feel my emotions because its going to be okay. things take time and that's okay. I don't have to have my whole life figured out rn and that's okay. its okay. thank you Annabelle💕

[@k8iepeach]

I was so moved and felt comforted by your words in this video. When you said "I accept that this is my life right now and that's who I am." - it was such an emotional release for me to hear that. I never thought to let myself feel sadness without shame. Sending love and serenity your way and thank you for sharing

[@nailahhuq1238]

you & jasmine, what a crossover :)

[@francesha11]

This video came in at the right time. Thank you for sharing this with us, Annabelle. I lost my cat last September and it hit me really hard (he’s been with the family for the past 18 years) I’m still grieving. Thank you for curating this safe space for us all. Sending love ❤

[@crashofthemoons]

My dad is a very loving father in his actions. He says 'i love you' seldom. I know he loves me based on his actions. My mom on the other hand has said many kind words to me and showered me with 'i love you's since i was born. Her actions say otherwise. This has taught me that actions speak louder than words. Actions make your words mean something. Sometimes if you speak too much, it becomes empty if you have no actions to back them up. ❤

[@nfrwasherbestalbum]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. What you said about your father, may he rest in peace, was beautiful.

[@_.k.m_.c]

i have also been going thru the motions of grief n it is very painful at times but 2 quotes that have given me solace whenever i read them are: " if you are softer than before they came, you have been loved " & "grief is really just love. it's all the love you want to give but cannot. grief is just love with no place to go"

[@heytherejuliee]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us Annabelle, your thoughts on allowing sadness and not having unrealistic expectations of ourselves has been a helpful reminder today.

[@Beebeefroggy]

Annabelle, your videos have been such a blessing to me during the hardest of times. I remember watching your videos when I was getting ready to move to Canada, when I lost my grandpa, when I had difficult convos with my spouse, and when I was feeling good. I love how you talk about emotions. They are all really beautiful and I love how you accept every emotion you go through. I really appreciate you and your vulnerability. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way ❤️I hope you have the loveliest day if you ever read this

[@prontoananas7247]

I really needed this. Today was a nice day until suddenly I felt really sad for one small thing (that brought back bad memories). Your video popped up and I was not sure if I wanted to see it because I was already sad and I was scared to face that more directly and to fully recognize my emotions and where they come from. I am really glad that I watched the entire thing, and I decided to do so because I know that your point of view on facing “negative” emotions always feels so reassuring. I feel more at peace with myself after this and I couldn’t be more glad that you uploaded this video today. The last bit about making an effort to love yourself and not take yourself for granted was exactly what I need in this period. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, for helping me and other people to explore ourselves with a new perspective, because it has impacted a lot on my life, alongside with therapy. Annabelle, I’m sending you a big hug, thank you for being such a sweet and kind person. ♥️

[@mackydeebs6345]

I’m so proud of you for all the growth the way you watch yourself & feel it all and still accept yourself - I can learn alot from you from one artist to another sending you love and deeper wisdom

[@floweringcactuar]

I'm going through a lot of grief at the moment so your video and words have been very comforting to me ♥thank you

[@Yeodoongiiie]

💕

[@seedylee]

i feel this today. my stepdad passed a few years ago, and now that i'm (34) the age that he and my mom got together, i find it amazing that he chose to be my family :)

[@pauli_joy]

Gosh I always feel like I end up watching your videos on the times I need them the most Your insights are always so helpful because your struggles are quite similar with mine,and when you talk about your reflections it helps me almost fix the mental puzzle I have in my brain. Just wanted to share a quote cuz I feel its quite apt for this video "Life is not the absence of,but the mastery of hardships" -Helen Keller P.S. thanks for being one of the people that has helped me in navigating through my emotions and thoughts. Your existence in this world is truly meaningful, especially to mine.

[@annabellegao]

thank you so much for this- and that quote is so important, i will jot it down in my journal tonight. i’m very grateful we could connect in this way bc internet :’) we are not alone! sending u my love ❤️

[@christianperchaluk6514]

My dad passed away Jan 2022 and this last year I have grown so much and felt internal things I've been working on crystallize into something beautiful. Sometimes sad but also stronger than I have ever been. Much love to you and your family. 💗

[@Yeodoongiiie]

💕

[@Ultra_violet2222]

Hi Annabelle, I just wanted to say wholeheartedly thank you for being here doing what you do. It's been a lot lately (for everyone) thank you for your insight and warmth

[@Yeodoongiiie]

my dad died of sudden cancer, last month. i am obviously not okay... but to say to myself that i am in no rush to arrive at "ok" has helped take the pressure off. doesn't make it any easier, but i am committing to just being whatever i am being. feeling everything all at once. I feel you so much in this video. i don't know what to say. but my heart is with you

[@friedricecakes]

Hi Annabelle! I’ve been watching since your RISD vlogs and have recently started watching your adventures more frequently as school is coming to an end for me. Your honesty and the way you capture life has helped me build and maintain a lot of hope as I try to figure out how I’m going to navigate post-grad life. There’s been a lot of sadness and nervous energy surrounding this time, but you’ve helped me be able to see the happy moments too. Thank you for being you, and thank you for sharing your journey with us 🫶

[@spammusubi1607]

I’ve been so sad lately and hurt overall emotionally unstable, I’ve been trying to cope and continue going

[@kayaeki]

Heyy Ann, have been watching your channel for years now, started watching again and I can't sense but wonder how much you've grown as a person. I'm proud of youu and keep making these vlogs. It's been a sad and hectic week for me, but your vlogs have helped a lot

[@Enchantedbiu11]

Omg my two faves in one vid 😭

[@spammusubi1607]

I really to hear about it being ok to just do the bare minimum and spend some time for myself to cry and nope but the main thing being accepting that. Coming form an Asian household, I’ve always been suppressing my emotions and I’ve only begun unpacking that. This is definitely something I still need to learn

[@lililola264]

I am really lacking the words to express my gratidute for this video Annabelle so I'll just say thank you from the bottom of my heart :')

[@berniemag]

"we gotta listen and see these signals and not resist" *ding!* perfect way to signal an important message! haha

[@sophiamorales6290]

sending so much love and hugs and whatever form of love is ur love language🫶🏼💗

[@daisybeechward]

sending sooo much love x

[@andreasara8876]

thank you

[@MaryArts]

Hihi I like the thumbnail. Whenever you visit your friends and other Artists, it makes it seem like you jump into their KZbin Channel. Like two worlds mashing up. It is nice seeing creative people gathered.

[@czarsabanga4273]

I love you annabelle, sending you the warmest of hugs and strength u need to heal♡♡♡♡♡

[@sophiaisabelle0227]

Hi Annabelle. We hope you continue to inspire people to reach after their dreams.

[@mackydeebs6345]

already watched this a second time just to take notes, this is going on my easeful comfort video playlist, so much truth thanks for all your insights and vulnerability -- when did you get out of your relationship? or start your singleness? finding self love such an essential part of the process, I'm still learning that rn... makes so much sense that you were on tumblr in hs hahaha such a vibe

[@Iivinginfiction]

omigosh what a video! i cried a bit when you talked about releasing our emotions out into the world. it feels like ive been holding it in for a long time and ive just had a really tough week and i was really stressed at one point that my chest felt so tight. so ty for this. side bar completely unrelated but what eyelash curler did you use? i have asian lashes and the curler you use looks great.

[@foamsoap41]

sending so much love

[@veronicaalejandra20]

So beautiful to hear your thoughts❤️

[@zephyr4704]

I also have a dad and a bio dad ❤ thanks for talking about it

[@katja8559]

Love you so much

[@laurenpost9536]

I don’t know if I’ve ever been this early to comment! I Annabelle! I’m a long-time viewer and actually live in Tokyo, so I wish our paths could have crossed while you were here, but I was so glad to watch your Tokyo vlog! I actually ordered one of your prints a few months ago, so if you remember sending anything to Tokyo, that was probably me. 😂 Thank you SO much for all of the work you put into your videos, and also for allowing us to see your art. You inspire and encourage me so much. 🌱

[@leannepatrice]

❤❤❤

[@smilingplum]

Sending you love 💖💓

[@recornelia2536]

Sending you loads of love!!

[@SElisa15]

My dad has been sick with stage 4 cancer since November of 2021. He was given 1-2 years at most and anticipating his death I think has been hard on me…I say think because I have a hard time knowing how I’m always feeling about it. I feel like I grieved him when I first found out about his cancer, but last year was one of the worst years of my life because I was starting law school and I ended up with a lot of mental/physical problems. Perhaps it’s the grief. I’m better this year but still processing it I guess? Grief is a complex thing. It’s ok to be sad, I agree. Life is not easy, but it’s worth it.

[@allisonrose5415]

You talk a lot about resisting negative emotions and how that relates to sadness. Do you have any thoughts on how that relates to anger? I feel like I always try to avoid anger and confrontation and I try to frame it differently in my mind so it’s productive, but it’s hard.

[@frostedjosieos3193]

“You get the test first, and then you learn the lesson”

[@cassandram1364]

Please go all blonde ❤ 🎉

[@atlasbrenner7844]

glad ur hanging with jasmein 🥹 i’ve been following you both for years