how I worked out I am autistic at 30 years old

[@Workoutyeahh]

This made me cry so hard, the whole video really. I'm at the start of a journey that feels foreign yet familiar. Every piece of information hits like a wave of huge relief to no longer think I'm alone and then crippling sadness at potentially being wrong about it. Thank you so much for your video ❤ I appreciate knowing you're out there 🥹 (and a fellow brit)

[@agirlnamedstacey]

"Maybe there are other people out there like me, other people who are just as lost, other people who live with this inexplicable loneliness in the pit of their stomach..." This is so relatable Charlie! Thank you for another beautiful video ❤

[@charlierewilding]

❤

[@MJWINNER_Sketchbook999]

Dark night of the Soul? / Spiritual awakening experiences?

[@scottcampbell9479]

I'm 49 urs old always felt different to everyone else. I was sent to see a therapist because of anxiety and after a few months she told me she thinks it is autism, I went to the doctors and they gave me an AQ test paper which I completed at home and took back to the doctors, my score was 42 on the AQ test and now I'm being referred to the right people. I don't know what I will feel if I'm told I'm autistic autistic, I know I cannot change nor would I want too, but at least if I am autistic I will understand why i am the way I am, take care everyone

[@delaneyjoy]

wow the psychology to spirituality to autistic pipeline is a direct attack in all seriousness you did an amazing job verbalizing how complex i know this discovery process is & it resonates super deeply, so thank you ❤️

[@charlierewilding]

Hello friends, thank you for being here & I hope you enjoy this week's video! You can turn on captions if you need them & give this video a thumbs up if you enjoy it (it really supports my channel!). Join my newsletter for more stories, behind the scenes & Q&A podcasts: charlierewilding.substack.com/subscribe ❤Sending you love!

[@jessbeer8276]

CHARLIE!!!! You've put into words the 26 years of my life so far - especially wanting to be alone in my bedroom and seemingly two different people (work vs home). I definitely relate to the feeling of it being hard to maintain a job. I've only had 2 jobs so far, both part-time in offices - I lasted a year at one and half a year at the other. I still don't think I'll ever be able to have a full-time job, but to be honest, I've never wanted one! As a child all I wanted was a quiet life in the country with animals; a job title or career literally never occured me. I'm still accepting that I will probably never be able to live a 'normal life' (without burning out).

[@charlierewilding]

Thank you for sharing this Jess! I very much leaned into having a career as a way of proving myself (to myself and people around me) and feeling worthy, but I know now that I am not (and never actually was) a career girl. A quiet life in the countryside with my animals and creative pass-times sounds much more appealing. Hear you on the process of acceptance... it's a difficult journey!

[@Vonmacfire]

@@jessbeer8276 I think people have come to believe a career gives them clout and makes them respectable 😂. Truth is our careers don’t dictate who we are or make us worthwhile people. We all have our journey and that’s okay if you want to focus on yourself. I’m 44 and have zero ambition. I’d rather just do my hobbies and enjoy myself. Also I don’t need the stress because I get enough of that from sensory issues and trying to fit into society (whatever that means 😂). I just take simple jobs and stay until I need a change. Who knows? You’re just 26 so something might catch your interest enough for that journey!!! But a career doesn’t make us or define us! We get to live so be present for that gift😉🙏

[@tracirex]

we are all here with you. with similar thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences. i somehow knew i wasnt cut out for standatd living, but i didnt know why until recently. thanks for telling our collective story.

[@rainbowstarks]

such a similar story to mine, except I never got a career off the ground. I'm 31. I'm finding your videos so soothing to watch, I wish I could share as eloquently as you. Thank you for doing so

[@sylviamaike6866]

After my ADHD diagnosis, so many memories look different in my mind's eye. You explained that phenomenon well in this video - what exactly happened in a place and time can be hard to recapture but the questions we were asking all along remain. XO

[@charlierewilding]

I appreciate this Sylvia, thank you! I wasn't sure i'd picked the 'right' words to translate this, but it seems you know exactly what I mean! ❤

[@maaikefien]

So well explained! Thank you for sharing, it's really healing to watch your videos. I relate to every single thing. It's interesting that even before my diagnosis, I was actually really good at listening to my body. I skipped classes, said no to social events, slept in, didn't have a part-time job next to my studies. But at the same time, I had this mindset that by resting now, I was slowly fixing my anxiety/mental health issues, all that eventually, all my struggles would go away. And the more I studied spirituality, psychology and personality types, the more I was blaming myself: if only I would meditate more, exercise more, spend less time on my phone, my life would suddenly be easy. It was only after I received the autism diagnosis that I could finally accept that I was not suddenly going to become this extroverted, energetic personality that I always really wanted to be, and to instead lean in to my own wants and needs.

[@charlierewilding]

Oh my gosh Maaike yes, this is exactly how I felt!!! ❤️

[@lunaneila]

I sometimes have doubts, I wonder if I should keep on listening to life experiences of autistic people because I tell myself that I try to find excuses to avoid responsibilities as an adult. [Edit - I'm undiagnosed] But then I find content like yours that I highly resonate with on so many levels it's wild and my quest seems legitimate again. I'm not "crazy", lazy or irresponsible. I've been following you across different social media platforms for a while now and watching your content has helped me to be grounded again, every single time. Your content is exactly the type that I love, it reminds me of the ones by Ryder Carroll (inventor of the bullet journal, who happens to be neurodivergent btw). I see this need and want of being present, at peace and intentional in life. Thank you for sharing your journey with online strangers < 3

[@gavinkaufmanworld]

Another wonderful video - thanks so much for sharing your journey. I laughed out loud when you mentioned your deep interest in psychology, spirituality, personality types and then neurodiversity! That's me to a tee haha!! 🤣

[@Marty656]

This video was so beautifully made, I found it really soothing watching it, maybe because the story is all too familiar for me. It made me feel less different and less alone❤ thank you!

[@charlierewilding]

You're so very welcome Martina. Thank you for watching, listening & sharing - knowing you relate makes me feel less alone too! ❤

[@johannachaput4874]

Beautifully put together and expressed. Thank you so much, Charlie for sharing your story with us while also using your creative talents to share it in soothing images and sounds. ❤

[@charlierewilding]

Thank you so much Johanna, and for watching - I am very grateful to connect 🙏

[@hannahowen1801]

You've got me in tears, thanks 😂😂

[@tsamurphy]

I could have written this. With the exception of a few details, every ebb and flow of your life experience and adapted negative coping mechanisms, is my experience. And pushing to keep going. Unfortunately I am still not able to fully communicate my experience for diagnosis.

[@MsLisa551]

This was beautifully expressed. Thank you.. This is my life. It's all unfolding now at 57. My heartaches for the lil girl with adhd and once was trying to meet social norms. I realized they missed some of that diagnosis. Now.. I'm trying to understand, have grace and love for myself. This is difficult.

[@tabatha9577]

Try getting diagnosed at 53.... its been a long road

[@joybird144]

thank you for making this video it is stunning

[@wej0w]

Am 33 going through the same procces right now. Glad I found your channel amongst other similair channels, it really helps putting the dots together. Before I asumed I just had bad social anxiety.

[@trouaconti7812]

Hallelujah! Very beautifully put. Hope you’re doing well now

[@skillit32]

Thank you. 😊

[@laurenoverton8837]

Thank you for sharing your journey in such a beautiful and honest way. Your hard work is noticed and so appreciated 💜

[@charlierewilding]

I appreciate you watching and connecting with my message, thank you ❤️

[@PerfectNeon_]

I've never related to a video this much in my life

[@theshylilie]

Oh wow thank you so much for sharing this! Every video you share resonates with me and that list that you shared really hit home for me too. I'm so relieved for you that you are finding peace along the way through your journey. I too am on sick leave from work from years of burnout (job after job after job ...) and trying to get help with a diagnosis. My son has ADHD and when my psychiatrist suggested I 'possibly' have it too (our meeting at the time was for my cptsd, depression and anxiety diagnosis) I started wondering if I really could have ADHD too. This led me to find your page and others about the autism spectrum which resonates with me even more. I've been in therapy all my life (I'm 50) trying to figure out what the heck is 'wrong' with me. Its approx $4,000 Canadian dollars here for an assessment 😢 so will see what happens... Thank you again for your vulnerability and sharing. I'm grateful to know I'm not alone. 🌞🙏😊💐

[@charlierewilding]

Thank you for watching, your kind words, and for sharing a bit of your story. Sending you love and strength to continue finding your answers; it's so valuable to know we are not alone on the journey! ❤

[@nataschakuhne2979]

Thank you for your words. They touched my heart and soul. My way looks very familiar to yours. 😢❤

[@charlierewilding]

❤️ thank you for watching and sharing!

[@emmagifford9417]

Excellent and very relatable. Thank you for this ❤

[@amyatkins700]

Thank you for making these videos 🥰

[@T-Mary76]

Thank you for this wonderful video. I’m waiting for a professional diagnosis but what a relief to finally understand why I’ve struggled so much x

[@charlierewilding]

I'm so happy for you that you are starting to find relief through your self-understanding, Tina - thank you for watching. ❤

[@ClaireCambridge]

Thank you

[@andrewbaker8373]

Ironically even though I have been professionally a specialised advocate for people with ASD and with people with Acquired Brain Injury many of these things you describe I see very strongly in me. I am at the point of understanding why I have an empathy and an acute understanding of others needs in these areas and facing the deficits of esteem and struggles with establishing and recorrecting relationships where these have become more about my awareness of others needs often at the detriment to my own needs and congruence. Not surprisingly these have meant that people expect you to perform to their expectations of you and to see that your introduction of new views as hostile or a rejection of changing balances of power. I remain unsure of what this this means in terms of precise diagnosis.

[@cowsonzambonis6]

Beautiful video! Even though our circumstances weren’t the same, I relate so much to your experience. My husband and I lived with his sister’s family for 1.5 years, and it felt sooo awkward to be in the common spaces, so I spent a lot of time in my room (my husband was working long hours). YAY for diagnosis and progress! Also, your garden looks amazing!!

[@charlierewilding]

Thank you for sharing your experience with shared living; it makes me feel less like an oddity! However hard I tried, I could never shake the awkwardness and overwhelm. YAY indeed! And thank you - I'm really happy with how our wee little plants are growing! 🌱

[@calart1122]

This all sounds familiar. I have a feeling I'm autistic but not diagnosed. Struggling to get on in work because of my dread of interviews, currently part time and never want to be full time again. Art is my hobby and collecting books. I'm into astrology too and similar subjects..not sure where to go from here..

[@charlierewilding]

It sure is a confusing and up-and-down journey of self-realisation and understanding. I hope it provides some comfort to know you're not alone. ❤

[@calart1122]

@charlierewilding thank you, its very emotional. Most days I forget all about it but then it hits me, it's like grief I suppose xxx

[@charlierewilding]

@@calart1122 absolutely, and it can 'hit' at unexpected times. Sending you love. ❤

[@heg1098]

Sounds liek my life expect I stopped going out during uni because I couldn't handle hanging out with people and Masking

[@Sweetshaunna]

Oh this explains me exactly also!! I figured it out from a TikTok video LOL

[@Catlily5]

You need to do more research than seeing one TikTok video.

[@astalander6061]

Thank you