It's Time to Stop! [Game Theory][The Mario Timeline's Shocking Reveal]

My quest to slay the hydra of my past gripes with Game Theory continues. Today, I face a video that had me arguing against it since the day it came out: MatPat's garbage Mario timeline. It's time to finally lay this one to rest, once and for all.
Original video
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The Mario Timeline's SHOCKING Reveal: • Game Theory: The Mario...
Social Media
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Tumblr - / redqueenmiku OR justredqueenmi...... (the former is mostly art and other projects and the latter is where I mostly voice thoughts and answer questions)
DeviantArt - www.deviantart... (mostly dead but I'll answer notes if I get them)
Twitter - / redqueenmiku (again, mostly dead but may be revived if interest spikes)