WHO SHOULD YOU INVITE?! Guest List Do's and Don'ts

[@Alicia-K]

"If they haven't affected your life or your fiance's life, then you don't need to invite them." Bingo

[@glamgirl7779]

My Beba Life so true!

[@ModernLady]

What if those people are close family though?

[@shaylamoore2220]

Well then I guess no one would be at my wedding 🤣😭

[@kailebrogan447]

Call me crazy. But if they are your bosses and helped finance it...maybe invite them? But maybe that's just me

[@MCA_Lives]

If they haven’t affected my life, well that’s damn near everyone except family

[@shaylamitchell3160]

Within the first month of my engagement, anyone who saw my ring would try to invite themselves

[@abigailashby6347]

I know the feeling.

[@Enzo_thesamoyed]

Omg me too! Congrats btw!

[@CheyBudgets]

This happened to us as well we weren’t sure how to answer it so have just said we have a set amount of guests and can’t go over most of them make up the family on both sides

[@helenameyer9778]

I have a general rule against not (even jokingly) saying "I better be invited" to people in my life who get engaged (which hasn't been many yet...) because that makes it awkward for them if they weren't going to invite me. I'm not offended if people don't want me to come or can't afford to invite everyone they want. I was surprised enough when one of my old work-buddies invited me to her wedding (WITH A PLUS 1) because I knew they didn't have tons of money to spend. It's their day and it's up to them (and their wallets) who they want to invite. TL;DR - I don't ask to be invited....even jokingly. It's just awkward.

[@starrydayshine]

Sis, I feel ya.

[@SummerRuby86]

Man! I would have no idea what it would be like to have "too many people" to consider... we're struggling to get 30 people!

[@shaylamoore2220]

Jacque Diane same and I’m kind of sad about it 🤣

[@SjofnBM1989]

Some people have really big families.

[@netteloveszebras]

I have a friend who is an only child, his fiance is an only child, all four of their parents are only children. It'll be easy to keep the guest list on the smaller side.

[@christinavelasquez64]

Damn she said all the cousins. I don't even know half my cousins😂

[@bladynebula346]

Same

[@HUNTLOW_LUMITY4EVER]

Half of mine are abroad and I don’t think I wanna fly them out if I decided to get married, but then again I love my aunt and she practically helped raise me so I would be sad if she couldn’t be there so maybe an exception for the ones I hold close to my heart

[@tashawilliams8093]

Exactly.

[@BrittanyShae]

I love this video because it has helped me consider who I plan on inviting. I was on the fence about my dad (he didn’t attend my graduation despite being invited), but I’m going to. I would pay for his dinner. Despite his downfalls in recent years, he has impacted me. Thank you sooo much for this video!

[@megantaylor2871]

Currently wedding planning. This is an actual conversation: Wedding planner: How many guests are we expecting? My mom: 200-300 Me: WHAT? Woah I wanted to cap it at 150. My mom: Well of course we’re inviting the church (500+ people) and the practice (small town doctor’s office) so yeah. At least 200. Probably more. Me (an introvert): *dies on the church carpet*

[@giannag4917]

Put your foot down. Cap it. That is way too many people. It's your wedding

[@TheUnveiledBride]

Megan Kirkendall Oh no! My suggestion is to give her a certain number of people she can invite (a number that you actually feel comfortable with) and then she can pick and chose who is the most important to her! If she really wants to celebrate with EVERYONE, maybe she can throw a separate celebration? That way your wedding day is comfortable for you but she can still celebrate you.

[@michaelab6070]

The only problem I have (more like a respectful disagreement, really) is about the parents paying and therefore they have a say about who's going. My boyfriend and i aren't even engaged and his mom told me that if shes helping pay, then she gets to invite friends and my mom doesn't. It rubbed me the wrong way because 1. My boyfriend and I are pretty private people and therefore aren't going to invite a lot of people anyway (like 50-60 max and that's mostly family) and 2. Because someone gifts you money, I don't think that it's fair for them to tell YOU how to spend the gift they gave you.

[@alisonsmith7162]

In my experience it worked out fine to invite everyone who wanted to come, to the ceremony and morning tea afterward. We just had immediate family, wedding party and guests who came from interstate at our wedding reception.

[@Cosmosandchisme]

This is the only thing stressing me out...

[@shortnsweet1413]

I straight had a small wedding of 33 guests and I still didn't get a 50% RSVP rate 😂😂 Probably the hardest part of planning a wedding is the guest list. It's exhausting. I feel for people with 100+ guests because I had a small one and still had to do quite the dance trying to figure out who's sitting where , who can't sit by who (like trying to keep my divorced parents on separate sides of the room haha). As a small time wedding coordinator, I LOVE your content! You're seriously my spirit animal/inspiration!

[@TheUnveiledBride]

Stephanie Oswald Why is it so hard for people to RSVP?! 🤷🏼‍♀️ Hahaha no matter how easy you make it for them. At least you don’t have a huge list to call though!

[@shortnsweet1413]

@@TheUnveiledBride Yeah it's crazy!! Not sure why...but yes at least it was a smaller list! Haha

[@loveisiah8]

What if you only invited some siblings. My honey is only close to 2 of his 6 siblings. They don't talk at all. No they are not fighting, they just dont have no relationship.

[@jennifermiller-berkshire3047]

I tried an A and B list. We wanted a small reception, and our venue only seats 72. I only had one deadline. I found it hard to get people to reply promptly. The people who responded quickly were those who were coming. What I wanted to know was those who weren't coming. We invited 80 people and of those only 12 people declined. I ended up inviting 7 more people (2 families). One family had plans already and the other family was concerned about COVID 19. So the A B idea didn't really work in my favor.

[@kristinmichels1963]

Man, to each their own, but i can't even imagine a wedding without kids. And that's coming from someone whose first wedding ended up with a kid in the ER (yes, MY kid, the bride's). And i still would never not invite kids. That being said, I hate that all my coworkers immediately invited themselves. I wanted a small guest list and i work at a big place.

[@JessicaLopez-kk1xs]

Love these videos! Super helpful!! I’d love to see how to handle a close family member who has strong opinions about the wedding and how it should go...And how to choose your bridesmaids. Thanks!

[@ModernLady]

I have family I wouldn’t take to dinner but long lost people I would. But etiquette says I need to invite the family I never see and not the people I like but still don’t see often.

[@kairinaminemix]

Breaking the cousin rule. I’m only inviting 2 cousins. Unless my mom offers to pay for the others.

[@bittersweet6507]

I was married many years ago, but I wish I would not have invited my entire office. I felt that I needed to include everyone and some I wasn’t even that crazy about. I left that workplace a year later and now when I look at my reception pictures, I can’t remember some of the names. What a waste! And about the B list ... a friend’s daughter was getting married. We didn’t expect to get invited because we understand you can only have so many people, family definitely takes priority. But, a week or so before the wedding, the FOB called us and said they have heard back from everyone and have room for some of the B list and did we want to come. Really?!?! Who says that? We declined as nicely as we could saying that we had other plans. We still like these people but that bothered me for quite awhile.

[@reneesmith7582]

I work in an office of 12 people and most of us are very close, but there’s always those couple coworkers. I really don’t want 2 of them at the wedding and I’ve considered just not sending save the dates to my coworkers so I can wait until invitation time (our wedding is May 2020). I think by then some may leave the office and I’ll have a little more availability to count them out. Tips?!?!

[@maricruz8915]

Super helpful. What if family is verryy extended. My fiancees father has 13 siblings and his mother has 14😬??

[@tootsiepop962008]

I have a question for people with large families. I have a LARGE family (around 20 cousins plus all their kids), I know she said if you invite one cousin invite them all. But there are some cousins that I haven't seen in almost a year or don't ever talk too. What should I do?

[@Ashleydrupp]

We are only having family kids invited but not friends

[@kimberlywhite7974]

50% or less RSVP before our RSVP date.

[@chelsea6966]

I need help! My dad has 10 brothers and sisters and some of them I haven't seen in 10 years. Is it okay if I don't invite them? I rather save it for friends that I actually see.

[@Abmarp]

Chelsea yea it's okay

[@jenweatherwax7113]

Age cut off tip: If you're able, have in-laws come/get babysitter who can baby sit younger children. Have the young ones come for half the day, look cute and be in pictures, and then leave before the ceremony.

[@cometojesusministry2807]

If they have kids they are gonna come! I get that's a tip. But don't expect everyone leave their kids at home. Any parent that cares your gonna offend.

[@jocelynchaplin901]

What about if your cousins have children? It be kids ranging from toddler age to some high school age kids. I have many cousins and a good amount have children (10-15 extra people) but we want to keep the number not super high. We are inviting two children but they are in the wedding. What are your thoughts?

[@theoffkeydiva]

I'm getting in my fiancee hometown, which is in another country from where I grew up and where we currently live. He is inviting tons of his family, but I suspect only my parents, sister and bff will be able to afford to travel to the wedding. Should I invite the rest of my family anyway, in case they can come? I worry that I won't know most of the people at my own wedding, but I can't think of a way to politely not invite his cousins bc I'm worried about the guest ratio

[@kimberlywhite7974]

50% or less

[@lungilekeithmakhubela9928]

I'm south African and Christian so most of these are unrealistic😕. I really have to save😧!

[@bubblesngirlystuff]

My fiance and I both have pretty big Latino families. So the "one aunt, all aunts" doesn't work. We came up with a rule saying if we've never been invited to one of their parties (bday, baptism, showers, etc), or can't name all of their kids we won't be sending and invite. Might ruffle some feathers but 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@lilyobrien3264]

bubblesngirlystuff I agree. I have a large family with a lot of kids and that’s not happing. I’m inviting my siblings and my nieces and nephews that live under my siblings roof or your not coming

[@Jacquiggl]

bubblesngirlystuff I’m thinking of inviting primos hermanos and not second cousins lol Latinos families are huge!

[@sonnyteniya]

I'm not even getting married but, if it ever comes up, this comment is it 👏👏👏👏

[@carolinaruiz3899]

This is a great advice. I’m latina as well and I just counted 86 guests from my dad’s side only (uncles, aunts, and cousins )😭😭😭 Even tho my dad is very closed to all of them, I’m not. I don’t even know all my nephews and nieces names, and my parents are expecting me to invite all of them.

[@ashleyeliza0608]

That’s so smart! I come from a big family also & that is what we ended up doing.

[@misskimberly5]

Would I take them to dinner & pay for it?? Really good point!!

[@glamgirl7779]

misskimberly5 honestly such a good point

[@sgtducky312]

That’s how I have looked at it since day one. Lol but I work in the bridal industry.

[@Andi-ll1fh]

I pay for everyone's dinner (/.\)

[@lehcar3209]

misskimberly5 game changer for me

[@kaylarose9012]

So I have a 3 person guest list then 😂

[@o0Theresa0o]

I did e-vites to my wedding. Best. Decision. Ever. Since it was an easy click to say yes or no, everyone RSVP'd early and almost right away. I also didn't have to spend the time finding addresses before the wedding (I collected addresses for personalized thank yous afterward, but it was during a time when I was way less stressed out), and I didn't mail out a bunch of paper people would throw away anyway. I also saved a boatload of money, and no one really cared. For future brides out there - seriously consider e-vites. Sure, it's not traditional. But it's far more economical, environmentally friendly, and WAY less stressful.

[@savannahcoleman5672]

Yes! E-vite is great. I used this for graduation and got most of my responses the first day and then within the first week. After that, it was just a matter of sending a group e-mail which is possible through e-vite reminding them to give a response, or calling up the few who did not.

[@o0Theresa0o]

Ah, yes. I forgot about the ease in which I was able to remind people. I was also able to send updates to everyone immediately. Truthfully, I think people appreciated it more than paper invites, too. They didn't have to find the time to get to a mailbox. They didn't have to put my stuff in the trash. It was all easily available on their computer. It was simpler. I'd say the only downside was that it was also easier for people to cancel. I think people might have been less inclined to cancel if they had to put more effort into it (or otherwise they would have simply no-showed and I wouldn't have known at all... so maybe it was actually still better). In any case, if I were to do it all over again (even with an unlimited budget), I would do e-vites again.

[@ueitipulepule5064]

Trickius hi.. just wanted to which e-invite software/program please. I’m in Australia and tried a few but they were more geared to the U.S. and their apps are not available in Australia. Thanks in advance

[@bioshockbrat9171]

I'm hoping to do a Facebook event type thing and have them do e-vites through that. I will do negotiations on plus ones, as I want close family and friends. If you want to bring a friend run it by me and we will see what can do. Is it weird that I want to invite a few high school teachers, as my boyfriend and I met in some of their classes?

[@glamgirl7779]

Trickius I was thinking of doing mail out the STDs and invites but doing online RSVP’s for mine (when I get engaged/married lol)

[@brookemechelle1457]

I’m not anywhere near getting married but I still watch all of your videos 😂

[@troybolton6444]

That’s me I’m literally 17 and single

[@solointheburbs]

Me as well

[@bioshockbrat9171]

I'm getting married in 3 years and I'm planning ahead as I'm in a very rare state of my life where I'm just sitting on my ass, whereas after my fiance gets out of school then I'm going to start post secondary and have zero time to do anything. Except work and school then work and find a place of our own

[@glamgirl7779]

Brooke Mechelle honestly it’s better to know these things so if a friend gets married U know what advice to give! :) 💖

[@xxitzmissunknownxx4041]

Sameee😂I'm 15

[@warcraftnut1354]

We're paying for our wedding therefore WE HAVE THE VETO POWER. Also thanks for the video.

[@neurologylove2135]

Same!

[@darcyferrigno]

Yes! I wish more people embraced this. My first wedding I invited people I didn't want or really need there. (Mainly because of the ex) But this time around we are doing what we want :)

[@OliviaJones-fd6fi]

Umm...Can we talk about your top? That color is amazing on you.

[@glamgirl7779]

Olivia Menchaca right?! I’d love for her to do a closet tour!

[@JessentialLife]

Yea, it's sooooo pretty! She is too, though 🥂

[@tashawilliams8093]

The groom and bride are NOT obligated to invite everyone they've ever known.

[@lauramae554]

We ended up saying to my husbands mom only the people who he’s seen in the past two years would be invited. Or if he was walking down the street he’d know who they were and would say hi and have an actual conversation with. She was trying to invite people he hasn’t seen since he was extremely little and had no clue who they were🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

[@Paige-zr6pn]

Laura Mae thanks for this tip! Im nervous to deal with that because when his mom and I have chatted wedding guests, she mentions people he hasn’t seen in ages. Him and I have an idea of who we want to invite and she’d like to add probably 20 extra people. (I want a smaller more intimate wedding so 20 is a lot) Yours is a good rule to have and may help me hold my ground.

[@Bubblepoppin2]

I disagree with the parents comment, I think if parents are giving money to you as a gift for your wedding day and not something with strings attached (within reason of course), you shouldn't have to compromise on your friends not being their so theirs can be. But that is my opinion, however yes if they want to bring a few close family friends bite your tongue totally agree!

[@Delphadae]

My fiance's mom was mentioning a bunch of aunts, uncles, and cousins when we were talking about our guestlist. At one point my fiance says "Uncle so-and-so, I havent seen him since I was a kid..." We both want a small wedding with only friends and family closest to us... So it'll be a conversation we might have to have with her if she keeps bringing it up :/ (my fiance and I are pretty much paying for the wedding ourself. It would be different if his parents were paying for some of it, but..yeah. It's stressful)

[@sarahlara8420]

this is my biggest fear!

[@falloncarrington4702]

@@Delphadae What I would say is sure, invite whoever you want. The cost for inviting one person is this and this. If you definitely want this person there you can cover their fee as I have a limited budget and I don't know them that well. Budget and limited venue size are the best ways to say no.

[@patriciamonique47]

This is the hardest decision to make. You want to please everyone but you just can’t.

[@glamgirl7779]

Monique Avisan ugh so true! It can be so difficult!

[@marisolsoprano]

Oh it's impossible to please everyone that's why it's okay to not care if people get offended. 🤷

[@lauramae554]

Have you done a what a guest should wear video??? I was at a wedding this past weekend and someone showed up in ALL WHITE!!!! Like wtf?

[@KriziaIra]

I also heard red should not be worn because it stands out in pictures!? However I have definitely seen this at several weddings.

[@chloegilroy8422]

I've seen some truly awful ones here in Ireland, tiny mini dresses slit all the way up the thigh. If the girl moves the wrong way everything is on display. Now I know it's her body to dress how she wants but c'mon it's the couples wedding day, surely they should be the main topic of conversation 🤔😂

[@lauramae554]

Jamie Wolfer I’ve already told my matron and maid of honor that if someone shows up in white to Nicely ask them to go change or leave. I actually specifically said to wear darker colors on my wedding website. 🙈

[@lauramae554]

Krizia Ira I’m actually okay with red, it’s one of my favorite colors haha But the guest should know a bright red dress you can see a mile away isn’t the best idea...

[@drabby7925]

Lol I’ve asked my sisters to pick out a white dress each.

[@tiffanyt4805]

Covid is a great excuse to keep your guest count extra special and small!

[@henrysmithpham4587]

😭

[@qusharif1853]

My sediments exactly

[@BriVanHorn97]

As a wedding guest, I usually just assume that I’m not invited until the invitation shows up. I’ve had hurt feelings before over not being invited to a wedding, so now to avoid that I just assume I will be spending the evening at home. 😂

[@oracleofdewphi]

Same! One friend posted two save the dates on social media where I could see it, and I wasn’t invited. He invited everyone else in our social group, and I don’t know what I did wrong, if anything.

[@evelgreytarot8401]

How many people here don't even have a partner but are just watching these? Just me? Ok.

[@rebeccacastro2525]

Evel Grey Tarot nope. Me too

[@TheKiknessa]

Lol totally breaking the cousin rule. I'm only having 60 guests and i have more than 60 cousins (yes first cousins and not including the 30+spouses on top of that) so I'm absolutely picking and choosing

[@abeejalan7444]

Same. My family is massive. I’m inviting maybe a handful of relatives but I’m also thinking of having a list for after dinner only. A coworker did that so she could still have a lot of people but could actually afford to serve a dinner

[@esterixis]

@Jessica Robidas same here; way more than 60 1st cousins. I invited 4 of them; one declined because it was "adults only." Sorry, but I refused to stress out over kids running into the wedding cake(BTW, it happened at another wedding, BEFORE the reception even started!).

[@jimsvideos7201]

I appreciate your diplomacy; this is no doubt a big stressor for many couples.

[@Cherrybubbles321]

Here is the problem... I don't want certain family members there but this would affect other family members. Idk how to deal with this

[@gracegroom8700]

I'm getting married in August and dealing with the same thing. I'm definitely breaking some of these rules. I'm only inviting two cousins and one set of my Aunt's and Uncles. I knew one of my aunt's would be very offended I made a point to call her and explain the situation. I told her and get husband that I care about them and it wasn't a reflection of our relationship (kinda was) and that we just wanted a very small and intimate wedding. They totally understood but even if they hadn't then it puts the pressure on them to act as adults because you have been so respectful towards them and their feelings. My other aunts and uncles aren't offended that they are not being invited at all and they're actually throwing me a wedding shower for the people that can't come. It was all their idea and it worked out really well. I wish the best for you! I hope maybe some part of this helped you

[@catieq5270]

little kitty it’s your day!!!!!! Do whatever makes you happy

[@EternalSnoie]

destination weddings tend to help cut some members who cant go.

[@YourDailyDoseofJillish]

Yeah, my uncle is a hoarder and I don't really want him at my wedding. Every other person is invited though, so idk what to do. He might be homeless at the point I'm sending invites though, so it might not be a problem

[@kaitlyns8105]

My rule of thumb for the invite list is if I haven't seen or spoken to them in the last two year (3 with Covid) then they aren't invited. A wedding isn't a reunion for your extended family, it's to celebrate the couple. It shouldn't end up being a "If you don't invite your Great Aunt Bessy, then when else will we get to see her?" situation. Your relatives are perfectly capable of planning a reunion to see their own family members on their own time.

[@JerryMander-y2x]

While I agree to an extent, I also feel that couples have the rest of their lives to party with their social set of friends but only one wedding day, and that day should be about family. You exclude Great Aunt Bessy so as to invite your friends and chances are your friends won't even notice this much less be grateful. But the Aunties and other members of "the older set" WILL notice that you have excluded your own friends so as to allow family to gather on this special day. And be grateful to you. Many friends fall away as your life changes, but family is there for you when most need them.

[@squirrelchick22]

My wife and I didn't invite 1 of her grandmothers because she was making homophobic comments about us before we sent invites. (We're both women) Neither of us regret it because it definitely changed her attitude towards me.

[@yagirltay3413]

Dude, she must be such a sucky lady. I’m glad you gals didn’t let her rain on your parade!

[@glamgirl7779]

Ashley Struck that’s so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry Ashley!

[@syndabe1555]

Good for you! It’s a very special day and NOBODY that’s unsupportive should be there to bring you down. I have a non existent relationship with my sister in law because she’s very malicious and blatantly rude to the whole family. I told my brother he could come but she’s absolutely not allowed. It’s hard when it’s a situation like that but this is my day and if my brother chooses not to come because of that, I completely understand. I can’t choose if she shows up to family functions normally but that’s the one day I can choose to be surrounded with nothing but love and support with no negativity.

[@cordelialauryn1197]

This is the problem we are having right now too :( I’m so glad that it worked out for you!

[@anubis.monster]

Good on you for standing your ground! I’m having the same issue, except I’m not inviting my father. A lot of people are upset with me because of it, but he has been openly and aggressively homophobic and transphobic (me and my fiancé are both trans men) to my face, and we don’t talk anymore. So. He’s not coming. It’s our special day, and I don’t want someone coming who disapproves of us and will rain on our parade. Blood or not.

[@AmandaZooKeeper]

My fiancé and I are inviting whom we want to, and not inviting whom we don't want to. It is our wedding and that's as it should be. If anyone doesn't like our decisions, that's their problem.

[@JerryMander-y2x]

If you wouldn't make a speech to all your guests announcing "I invited all my sibling except Lisa because she's such a bitch," then invite Lisa. It is always incorrect to use your wedding guest list to excite malicious speculation on WHY this or that conspicuous omission.

[@bethanyhanna9464]

When I was younger, this list would have really come in handy. Since I'm older, not only are most of the extended family dead, but we're making the cut at those who've paid an ounce of attention to us in the past decade. 🤣😂🤣 Kids are welcome at our wedding. But that's because the numbers are reduced at the other end of the age spectrum. We've also figured out the loophole about keeping the numbers down, by having a sober wedding. It's surprising how many people just won't come, if they can't get drunk. 😇

[@jbrown7986]

Please do a video on the day-of wedding timeline.

[@glamgirl7779]

Jerome Brown yes that would be fun to watch

[@JessentialLife]

I agree!

[@marisolsoprano]

It's up! It's called how to build a wedding timeline! 🙌

[@kasashaasreadingjournal3446]

I honestly don't care if I offend anyone regarding wedding invites 🤣 if they want to get offended, let them 🤣

[@tisw211]

I don't care who's paying for the wedding. Its not a birthday party its a wedding! Nobody is gonna start adding people they want to see on MY day. Definitely not happening! And for someone to think that because they're paying they have control over who comes and goes is absurd

[@theZmoee]

A lot of these seem silly to me. If I’m closer with one cousin, coworker, teammate, neighbor than I am with others, who cares if they’re upset about not being invited? The only people I want there are the people I love the most, the people who have been there for us, the people we know will help us have the best time possible. I’m not inviting my aunt I hate just because he’s inviting his favorite uncle 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@jackelinemorales116]

Not inviting my family because they never have anything positive to say and every time they get together drama ensues

[@staarvsraainbow]

My friends got married this summer, the grim invited a friend who just assumed that he had a plus one. They texted about a week before the wedding & the friend was talking about their plus one attending...& he had to tell him that only he was invited. He said to me that he would have said yes to a plus one for him if he asked nicely, but he didn’t like the way he went about it.

[@kainatxkay]

So awkward because my coworkers have been pestering me to invite them to my wedding EVERY time my engagement is brought up. My family and fiancé's family is already 220 people. That does not include friends and close family friends. The guest limit is 300. Work is gonna get awkward, but I just don't have enough room to invite them. 😬 Thank you for your awesome tips always!!

[@TheUnveiledBride]

Kainat Qurashi Just tell them soon so it doesn’t keep building up! Maybe you can let them throw a little celebration for you at work? Everyone loves parties, and that way they will feel involved!

[@sableann4255]

I went through that...Only invite close co-workers, it's a tough spot to be in! :)

[@rezaeaforoutan8914]

Could ask them if they going to help with your wedding. A crowd like that people need help! Especially when you’re setting a specific limit

[@kphoria1009]

don’t invite all your family members lol

[@BrigitteDiessl]

When I got married 25 years ago, we started off by making a list of people we couldn't not invite - family, family friends, best friends etc and then went from there. That was a really helpful way. Each venue has a number limit.

[@gracefisher1950]

You should make a video on what guest should wear to weddings!

[@glamgirl7779]

Grace Fisher yes esp for formal vs black tie vs casual!

[@FreyaxXxChii]

I was wondering whether I should leave a remark on the invitations that I do not want other women to wear super fancy gowns in white/ivory/blush/... A friend was at a wedding where a girl was wearing a light pink gown with lace on the bodice and with a flower crown updo. And her dress had a freaking TRAIN. Srsly, on the black&white photos you mistake her for the bride.

[@flamered1532honey]

@@FreyaxXxChii i actually put that in our invitations,. To wear: any shade of violet/purple/lavender will be appreciated but optional NOT TO WEAR : WHITE,CREAM, BEIGE,RED AND BLACK DRESS IS A NO-NO! And even with that there were people asking still if they can wear red, 🙄. Haha 😂😂😂 i'm not being a bridzilla, but it's better to put it in writing because some people don't know that those color is not good to wear in a wedding (except maybe for black, that's just me, because it give me the feels of a funeral)

[@BriannaGraceOfficial]

YESSS. Thank you for this. The inviting kids thing is probably a soft spot for my family, but I don't plan on inviting them. Also for the plus one thing... And for the idea of if you went to a friend's wedding within the last 18 months to keep them on the list. Didn't even think of that!

[@JerryMander-y2x]

Right. Singles may be invited as singles. And hosts may invite a special friend for SOME guests without an obligation to invite a special friend EVERY unmarried guest.

[@brandimarie2400]

1 member of my family has a habit of inviting their own people to events. For perspective, my engagement party had about 40 people invited, a few missing here and there. NOW we are supposed to fit almost 100 people in a backyard for the engagement party. I am so worried about what they are going to do to my wedding day and just how mean I am going to have to get...

[@SaltstringMusic]

So basically my cousin committed every cardinal wedding crime ever created LOL. I realize she was probably instructed not to invite my boyfriend since my entire family was very angry at me for divorcing my seemingly perfect narcissist husband LOL . even though he is the sweetest man ever a plus one was not extended to him even though we’ve been together almost 2 years and was wearing a promise ring at the time of the invite. Because we are actually close I personally texted her and said is this real this invitation says only literally for ME. Her answer was we have more butts than seats Ha OK. so then 3 weeks later I get another call looks like a bunch of people canceled you can bring your kids if you want so now I’m being told who I can invite wow OK? The boyfriend and I decided to go to Mexico instead😂😂

[@JerryMander-y2x]

You are told who YOU can invite? Are you the host? Only hosts issue invitations. I hope I have misunderstood this post.

[@midorielizabeth5162]

My rsvp response date was yesterday and I have about 100 people I haven’t heard from. 🙄 time to chase people.

[@marisolsoprano]

Tell them you won't have a seat for them if they don't RSVP. See how fast they'll respond. 😂

[@Rue367]

Why do people wait so long to rsvp or don’t rsvp at all? It’s so frustrating

[@danielleroberts1312]

So Jamie, here is my idea: I have a huge family. For just my graduation party there were over 200 people there who were just in state family (of which I knew like 50 including my friends) but for my wedding I want something much smaller and intimate with people I feel comfortable around not just obligated to invite. However I know that if I went that route that A TON of people would be upset for not receiving an invitation. So I was thinking that I might have a winter destination wedding. From what I've been told is that with destination weddings you should expect about a 50% (give or take) attendance rate. Then add in it being around the holiday's and it goes down even more so in the end only the people who really love and care about me and him will make an effort to be there. So that way everyone gets invited but most of the "2nd cousins twice removed" bunch won't bother to come. If any of the people we want there can't afford it we will cover financially (since we will only have like 50 people there vs 500) and if any family we aren't very close to still takes the time and money to come then we are happy to have you. What do you think Jamie? 😂 Terrible idea or a winter wedding wonderland?

[@angelacartiglia]

Danii Popss I love this too!! Congratulations ✨

[@tianahunstable4539]

Okay. But you have to realize that some of the second cousins and whatnot might just RSVP with a yes. Some people may be more family oriented or sentimental and feel like they NEED to be there.

[@ThaoNguyen-hl6mb]

That's what I want, too. I once told my bf that my dream is to have a destination wedding in Viet Nam (my home country) and I would cover for my family the best vacation there is. He started looking quite pale but then I told him the flight alone costs like $2000 while staying local is practically cheap. It's a win-win situation: still destination wedding, fewer expecting guests but closer to home and lesser planning expense...

[@BlackRosary81]

Danii Popss I think it’s a great idea and I wish I could have done it but too many elderly in my family that are too sick to travel. But I hope it works for you bc I come from a huge family too so I’m just expecting some feelings to be hurt because I cannot afford a wedding for 300 people. Good luck!

[@toocutenoirb.4278]

Be careful. I actually thought of that. But a lot on my dads side (ex military) they all traveled for my dads and were willing for my sisters wedding I mean they planned carpools and hotels together. -_- So if they really carer about you they may surprise you and make a way to show up. My sister planned a 60 person wedding out of state thinking not many would go on a trip or go on a cruise wedding (they toyed with going to the Bahamas)....But 210 ppl RSVP'd (that was just our family NOT including the grooms side). lets just end it with they eloped. cause the family is very close and supportive and she did wanna spend that much. So there may still be people willing to go for you big day cause its you and they care.

[@gabymont4811]

I'm gonna be hurting so many feelings when I get married 😎

[@farahsloan]

Love your videos! Will you do one on how to choose your bridesmaids? How many, who should be considered, if you like your middleschool bff's sister better than her now...... Etc etc... ! Thanks for all your tips!

[@marta0929]

I've been married for almost 7 years, I have no intention of doing a wedding but I cant stop watching your videos. It is so entertaining :D

[@marta0929]

yes seriously, I binge watch your videos :D

[@lisakudulis8637]

Can you please do a video about how to have a private ceremony?! My Fiance and I are battling some family because we want a small ceremony and then a more open reception. I need advice on the best way to handle it! You're videos are amazing and have been so helpful in the process of planning! Keep it Up!

[@sgtducky312]

Lisa Kudulis we looked into doing that too! I’d love a video on that.

[@liyah5726]

I think that’s what my fiancé and I will be doing because it’s just cheaper and quite frankly, it’s less drama too. That way we can tell people “we wanted our ceremony to be small” but the reception can still be a moment for everyone to celebrate.

[@JerryMander-y2x]

The notion that ceremony and celebration are one big event rather than two distinct events is more Wedding Industry hyped to needless increase wedding spending. It is not incorrect to marry in a cathedral before a congregation of hundreds and then celebrate quietly with a few intimates. It is not incorrect to exchange vows with few or minimal witnesses and then celebrate with gala for your 700 dearest friends. ... I suggest sending out invitations to your celebration and in a selected few include a ceremony card. Example: Ceremony / Eleven in the morning / Chapel in the Swamp / 1234 Mosquito Road, Bogtown. ... PS There is no RSVP for the ceremony, only the party part.. The rationale is that marriage is a religious sacrament therefore God is The Host and not you.

[@ilya7314]

This was in my recommended.......I'm 13 (still watching it tho)

[@AlishaZuniga1028]

I'm so confused! I like what you said about who has had an impact on our relationship but then you said to invite all cousins 😥 I just can't do both lol I wish people didn't get offended and would just understand its about budget.. that would make this process so much easier

[@TheUnveiledBride]

LovinggLifee Having to invite your entire immediate family (especially if it’s large) is kind of an old school rule. Only invite the people you are close with, especially if you’re on a budget! It will be such a better experience for you guys and you won’t be stressed about trying to stretch your budget. Hope this helps 💕

[@AlishaZuniga1028]

@@TheUnveiledBride Thank you so much😊

[@marissarode557]

I’m getting married November 2019, and this is very helpful! Especially the children part! Btw, where did you get your top from? It’s so cute!

[@rachellindemuth689]

I'm getting married November 2019 too! Congrats!

[@marissarode557]

Congrats to you too! 😊

[@ofataufa3337]

Marissa Graham omg me too!!!! All the best

[@SongbirdChelly]

I’m not having kinds except for the ones i want i don’t care who’s feeling are hurt lol they aren’t paying for it

[@aurorapiaggesi]

My fiancé and I decided to drop altogether the "Plus-ones" if those people are not part of our lives. Any guest cost 100 euros, and we don't feel like inviting people we barely know just because they live with our friends. The same for kids: there is no child that we would miss if they did not come, and a bored kid can be really the worst. So they are not invited. People are so relieved when we say that: :-)

[@Libby7]

could you make a video about the difference between the ceremony/breakfast invite vs the reception invite? xx

[@shadiamakaeil9879]

Ok so I have to ask... what do you think of “Crash the wedding” invites? I do have a lot of guests that will be leaving early since they are older, we are paying for an open bar and do want the party going after dinner. There are also old work colleagues that I would love to invite since they are great fun but the rules to an Italian wedding are that you pay your plate and not too sure if they would want to shell out the 130$ per head cost. How would you word that on an invite 😂

[@rebelgirl711]

My friend and her husband did this, but without formal invites - just used verbal/a phone call. If the people you're "inviting" won't be offended, and your venue doesn't care, I'd say go for it!

[@ValeriyaValar]

The only DO: Do invite who you want to have at your wedding. Period.

[@TheLysila]

These are the rules if you care about not offending people.

[@ashleyreed7272]

My own cousin didn't invite me to his wedding so I'm not inviting him to mine 😂 easy

[@kairinaminemix]

I have a ton of cousins and uncles and aunts that I would never invite to dinner and pay for, BUT my parents are basically gonna punish me if I don’t invite them 🙁

[@jamjamjamjam25]

This is why I believe in destination weddings, most of the people you feel obligated to invite but don’t really want to come probably won’t pay for a plane ticket to attend.

[@ashfresna3223]

That sounds great!

[@amandac57999]

What about people your fiancé hasn’t met? Distant family, coworkers you like and see outside of work sometimes, etc ?

[@butterflyn8062]

If they cause drama for not being invited, then they definitely don't deserve to be a part of your special day ☺️

[@FinancialMatter]

I wish I had parents that could pay for my future wedding 😢 this was so helpful btw! 🥰🥰

[@AlliNW0nderland.]

If you haven’t hung out with me and fiancé together as a couple, an invite is not coming your way 🤷🏾‍♀️ if I haven’t talked to you in the last week, do not expect an invite 🤷🏾‍♀️ OR if you were not a significant part of my life growing up, you are not invited!

[@netteloveszebras]

About having to invite all the uncles/aunts/cousins to not ruffle feathers... My aunt's 3 daughters didn't invite us to their weddings so the feathers are pre-ruffled and they definitely aren't invited 😂

[@MissKiki89]

Haha! Yea my RSVP response date was September 5th..... I've gotten 5 back and sent out about 150....I even hand delivered them! Planning a wedding is definitely the most stress I've endured and I'm a preschool teacher! Good luck fellow brides. Hopefully when its all over I'll feel normal again! 😂 3 weeks to go! Btw, your videos keep me sane and I love you for that!

[@JerryMander-y2x]

Never give a RSVP deadline; it will only encourage dawdlers to dawdle. Instead follow up invitations with a phone call. "An invitation sent to your address may have been lost in the mail. The hosts are quite concerned." This establishes that the invitation has been received, so you express joy then ask "When might the hosts expect your response? Will you know within the week?" If someone asks for a deadline, tell them "As soon as possible! The hosts are naturally anxious to know whether or not you will attend." Call with increasing frequency until you wrangle in all responses. ... Note that these phone calls 1. allow you to communicate details of expected dress, what sort of food and drink will be served, where to park, and so much else, and 2. are the perfect opportunity for people to ask "What sort of gift might the couple appreciate." Good manners tells us to provide this sort of information if and only if you are asked to do so!

[@mrsgunsoul]

"You have to invite both people if they're married." Me and my hubby disagree with this. Neither one of us likes his mother's new husband and his mom's husband doesn't like me so we're gonna invite just his mother :D His mom's husband probably wouldn't come anyway (99,99 % sure about that) but we don't want that chance. We're already married but the wedding party is yet to be held, but it is still our day, our party and we want to feel comfortable. Same goes for "invite one cousin and you'll have to invite all your cousins". If I'm more in touch with some relatives and then again some I've not seen in three years nor have I ever attended any of their parties and whatever in my adult life, I'm not gonna invite just for the sake of awkward smiles and extra money spent on them.

[@Izzy4731]

I love my nephew. If anyone tries to hurt him, I will bash their heads in. But you best believe I will either A: have a child free wedding B: tell my aunt & uncle to leave him home. Why? Because he is the biggest brat in the state we live in. He will 100% ruin something, be it the ceremony or the cake. He will cause a scene & ruin the mood.

[@frostbittenskater995]

My parents aren't gonna even be in my wedding 'cause they don't support me and my fiance. So that makes it much easier as far as who chooses who we're inviting. Lol ultimately only a few family members, if any, are gonna be there. Otherwise it's all friends and coworkers and people who actually care. 😊

[@gatzwolffadventures]

Wedding guests is such a stressful part of wedding planning. Whos gonna fight who? Whos gonna buck up and be nice? Who is worth sepdning the money on? Who's gonna be majorly butthurt

[@melissaschram2489]

This is where you just need to be a cut throat human. I have a big heart and would love to invite all that I can. BUT we have a 150 cap. Because that's within OUR budget. If you're not paying, don't say anything.

[@estefanyperez1561]

It gets complicated when you are hispanic and a pastors daughter. Many people have seen you grow up and feel more like family than biological family. But you kind of have to invite everyone from the church even the ones who are new or you don’t know their names and have never spoken to you...... And hispanics don’t understand how rsvps, seating charts and selected invited guests work. Hispanics are also know to have large families sooo our family guest list is already 200+.

[@elleh3711]

I disagree with, "if you invite one aunt or Uncle then you need to invite all of them to avoid ruffling someone's feathers". Like no. Nope. If I decide to only invite one and it's probably cuz she's been a part of my life where the other four were not a part of it. If people get offended because they're not invited that's not my problem because that's people pleasing and my wedding is not about pleasing other people and neither should anyone else's wedding be about people pleasing. The second you have a people pleasing thought just remember it's your wedding and not theirs. Are they going to be the one helping pay for the wedding are they going to stay in contact with you for years to come after the wedding? No they're going to go to your wedding so they can feel good about themselves and then never going to talk to you after the wedding.

[@tatumgross9391]

I don't get why the bridal party needs a plus 1... They don't need someone to hang out with because they'll be busy being in the wedding, right? What if they all know each other anyway?

[@src4409]

Recently had 2 "friends" get mad for some unknown reason and not invite us to their birthday party.... thats 2 cut from the list.

[@dx-dragon4399]

I definitely see where your coming from but it's your wedding invite who you want going to invite one cousin not others because only close to one others are in a different country it's your day shouldn't invite people just because you feel like you need to my opinion

[@jaquelineedwards6988]

I watched this with my fiancé and it really helped when figuring out the coworker situation. He's a firefighter and they are all tight nit but there is a small group that he does hangout with outside of work. Also the tip of taking them to dinner and paying is brilliant!! Thanks for all the advice. Also your hair looks super cute!

[@mxric1083]

Worst wedding I ever went to was like a pre-school. Could not dance without tripping over a kid and by 10pm they were starting puke from being so tired and over fed chicken fingers. Nightmare

[@Septic-Hearts]

When I was in High School two of my teachers got married over a summer in a completely different state. When they came back they had to deal with a bunch of students asking why they didn't get an invite. Most were just joking and offered their congratulations but my teachers were pretty open about how ridiculous they thought it was for some students to actually be offended for not getting an invite. One of them put it simply: "I'm only here because I have to be, outside of this, I don't want to see any of you. If you ever see me in public, chuck up a peace sign and go your merry way." I've lived by that statement ever since, and will surely use it if I ever get married.

[@purple3506]

I'm not inviting any smokers because hubby is allergic