The Crypto Billionaire Rapper Is Very Bad

[@seshg2012]

Her ability to stay on beat is so non-existent it might as well be an NFT

[@nukiradio]

Atleast nfts are supported by SOMETHING. This woman's rythm is an IMAGINARY FRIEND

[@gracievela7514]

@@nukiradio They ain't even imaginary friends mate they're complete strangers

[@xenon8927]

@Lala begone bot.

[@amusiclover7340]

💀

[@nnmnch8071]

i am right clicking her rap

[@ethanlivemere1162]

She really put the lines "silver on my fingers" and "I shit silver" in the same song and didn't think twice about it

[@Throatzillaaa]

why's her obsession with silver? like why not gold in one of those instances... wouldn't gold on my fingers / boots on my feet ... sound atleast slightly better, just like syllable-wise?

[@sucrose8299]

Or worse, she did think about it

[@Eli-mn5cq]

I could be wrong, but is silver one of those words that rhymes with nearly nothing? like orange or purple. why would you put that in your song haha

[@JazzyFizzleDrummers]

I like to imagine she's drinking colloidal silver, and one day she'll turn blue like a smurf.

[@jurgnobs1308]

​@@Eli-mn5cq nah silver rhymes with a lot

[@sadsitcom]

watching her rap feels like i stumbled upon security footage of her alone in her apartment rapping terribly that no soul was ever supposed to hear. yet, it is unfortunately available for anyone to see.

[@sunshinefine1886]

This is exactly the vibe ✨

[@GetOfflineGetGood]

When you're rich enough you start to think people want to hear those moments

[@UJEvans]

It's so awkward that it could pass for a cutaway gag on New Girl.

[@Tw0Dots]

But, like, we should at least be PAID for the fact that it’s publicly available. What if a CHILD stumble upon it?? And decides to become a BlueFace Crypto Rapper??? And WHAT of the medical bills for our ears?

[@wren_.]

it kind of feels like if you fed a text generator 1000 hours of rap songs

[@cloudyvulpine]

she feels the type of girl to be like "omg dont have a crush on me" when her friend comes out as lesbian

[@Thekaeotictimes]

💀 I'm dead fr

[@is2Xacc]

DUDE LMFAO

[@daughterofchatblanc]

Omw, I had a friend like that and I've never met such a socially tone deaf person before or since. She literally said to me "what if she ends up having a crush on me" when our other friend came out and I told her that just like how every single straight guy doesn't automatically like her, NEITHER DO LESBIANS😑

[@Bingledwop]

You're SO RIGHT

[@Th3dra]

But she "doesn't do bros" I thought she might be gay, but like for the attention of men type

[@VeyraEclipse]

It gets "better" when you go on Genius and you realize she made her own annotations for the lyrics

[@swaggerdagger8976]

Thats just sad 💀

[@thinkingthinksandthonks]

'Fuck your message at the beep' is actually kind of a power move of a phrase, and I can't believe she took that opportunity away from someone with a better flow.

[@arceus.2256]

IKRR I FULLY AGREEEEE

[@Throatzillaaa]

agree its good I just hate she would prefer to be emailed Lol ... like why not text?

[@cloudbrooks]

seriously!! thats what I was thinking!!

[@alex.g7317]

I read that just as she said it

[@shroomshroom5945]

I still think that line is cringe. It's too forcibly "badsss".

[@Ethan-qs7fo]

Everything she sings sounds like she's forgotten the words and is trying desperately to remember

[@melonie_peppers]

🤐🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@thegreenmanofnorwich]

Sammitch and vag itch were my favourite ridiculous lyrics

[@ggiufa7289]

yes since she was fifTEN

[@whoswallowing]

@@ggiufa7289 fifTAYN

[@StefanyDjuba]

no she has forgotten words in general

[@powersofdestruction5694]

I wasn’t aware one could have such terrible flow Like her lines could fit the beat but she seemingly intentionally misses it every time

[@suburbanweekend]

Yeah, it makes me feel like she is doing it on purpose. But it is so bad and confusing it has to be sincere right? Like if she is intentionally bad as a joke it still doesn’t work because none of the jokes make sense.

[@ether3896]

She's scared to be on beat tbh, in all honesty I hafta imagine she did this without any music playing and put it on after

[@liathompson2332]

Silk da Shocka in white girl form

[@missdiction4455]

Artists who can’t draw anything proportionally : “it’s just my STYLE”

[@jordanr.2120]

She's playing dodgeball with the beat and she's the one dodging and she's winning

[@alisdraws]

When jarvis is singing the 'bad bitch' verse he's already more on beat than she is. Her ability to be off beat is honestly impressive

[@is2Xacc]

you can not be more off beat on PURPOSE if you know anything about music, because it will literally hurt

[@charliegibson4016]

My favorite is how she’s not even consistently off, sometimes she’s just barely ahead of the beat, other times she’s a full half second behind. Then sometimes she gets like a full few beat’s off and has to compensate by either speeding up or waiting

[@zacheymczachface]

I feel like I'm a teenager and my math teacher is rapping about fractions

[@Vanamonde]

She stole $5 billion and it's not even her biggest crime against humanity. Also, I love how "boots on my feet" is a flex? Like not "designer boots", just "boots".

[@Attilablabla]

Maybe she's down to earth at the same time? 😁

[@Diana-mu7pc]

Elementary schoolers when there's snow on the playground

[@hippopajamas]

I'm pretty sure the "boots on my feet" part is meant to mean she does the work/is self made. Like pick yourself up by your bootstraps. The song is also called "Versace Bedouin" and the Bedouins are nomadic so maybe she just likes to walk a LOT. I tell myself that because otherwise I have absolutely no idea why the song is called that and, yes, I'm grasping at straws.

[@Throatzillaaa]

not to flex but I own like 3 pairs of boots.

[@MariaTex3]

She's the only person to have owned boots. I'm so poor, I've never even SEEN boots.

[@CazadorSixFour]

If she's so rich, she shoulda paid a ghost writer.

[@breezemansker3366]

Guess she isn't a smart slacker like she thought

[@Ramberta]

LOL this is great

[@crablessinbaltimore]

and a ghost rapper lmao

[@GODSLITTLEMEOWMEOW]

Some of these people who claim to rich aren't actually, it's just the value of the bitcoins they own, and instead of cashing out, don't get me wrong I'm against crypto and nft, but these coin only have monetary value

[@Phished123]

It wouldnt even be that hard, to spruce up most of the ideas either, like instead of coming out of left field and saying "crocodile of wall street" she could've said "the alpha of wall street" and its at least a semi play on words.

[@bharbarawyrstwaemasyn8741]

This has to be a canned snl skit. Her movements are so terrifying its mesmerizing. She's doing the mink dance and we're all her prey.

[@kristinepinlac2796]

WE'RE ALL HER PREY OMFG STOPPP 💀💀💀

[@akirapowell3539]

its a weasel war dance from grandma crocodile

[@softestshade7813]

@@akirapowell3539 MY SIDES HURT FROM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THAT OH MY GOD

[@bigdawgchai]

this has me literally in tears omg 💀💀💀

[@TogekissMyFroslass]

This is what i was looking for. The way she moves hurts my soul.

[@theoshew5813]

the lack of energy is really what does it for me, go girl give us nothing

[@JinStreams]

Givingbit her all in a lazy ironic way that makes it perfectly hollow

[@purplelord8531]

this has got to be it because I listen to stuff with really dumb lyrics and enjoy it but this still hurts

[@simon_says_lots_of_things]

She seems like she made "being quirky" her entire personality in middle school and held onto it with a death grip because it got her attention.

[@jamielopez3112]

"I don't fuck with no bros. Unless they're gay. Gays don't count. They're exempt." I would like to say that, as a gay, I do not want to be exempt. Please leave us out of whatever mess this is.

[@Andy-jh2fs]

Right?! This might be the first and hopefully last time I'll ever say "I'll just side with the straight dudes on this one" 🤣

[@whyisthomyorke]

As a lesbian we don’t want her either

[@buzzinbea]

It's a threat 😂

[@Saige_L]

@@whyisthomyorke as a lesbian I second that

[@nonprofitgirl]

You’re definitely NOT EXEMPT.....she’s just too dumb to recognize what’s good in life. And it’s not being “an entrepreneur” in the context she’s spouting. Kinda pathetic. You’re never exempt - don’t believe the terrible rap. ;)

[@filmecritic9124]

if you hadn’t mentioned that she’s actually a crypto person at the beginning, i would be so convinced this was semi-successful satire

[@khazermashkes2316]

Me too!

[@xxRAINA1xx]

Not just a crypto person a crypto THIEF and that stole the most money ever

[@LiarJudas666]

@@xxRAINA1xx she's only accused of laundering, I think she and her husband might just be fall guys for the real hackers.

[@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494]

@@LiarJudas666 So, talked a big game but was actually essentially clueless? This feels on brand

[@hellothere702]

@@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 that's mostly what crypto people are

[@OpeningTheBox]

I love how often she says 'boots on my feet' as if owning shoes is a flex

[@jmarshal]

And owning that premium silver. Cuz all the rappers like silver…right? Big chunky silver necklace ? This bitch got it all.

[@uknowwho7152]

Got me my silver and boots!!! I'm a bad bitch

[@mcwjes]

Hmmm. What will let the smelly poors know I am financially well off? Aha! Boots!

[@antiarmadillosociety]

@@jmarshal As far as precious metals go, silver is dirt cheap.

[@yogurt8150]

and the way she says it makes it sounds like a kindergarden song oof "silver on my fingers" - wiggle fingers "boots on my feet!" - stomp on the ground "yay!" - all the kids cheer bc they did a good job

[@loonyrhombus1948]

quite literally a despicable me villain

[@PTEC]

Omgg

[@Flareguy]

No despicable me villains are not awful

[@imperfectblkgoddess99]

​@@FlareguyVector? He was pretty unbearable

[@Flareguy]

@@imperfectblkgoddess99 no hes awesome

[@JazzyFizzleDrummers]

As someone with a masters degree in music I want to do a complete analysis of this. Not because it has value, but because it seems to be specifically engineered to have as little value as possible.

[@romossaeelee2162]

"How Bad Music Can Make As Much Money As Possible: A Case Study In RazzledKhan's Discography"

[@littleblueclovers]

If you go and do a thorough break down of each and every flaw in the song I promise you I will watch the full video. I will assume it will be about 3 hours.

[@trashpanda2825]

Truly the Duchamp of the music industry. "Form isn't necessary and content is for the simple" ass music

[@M2R.]

“You’re annoying like a vag itch” is unironically so funny

[@FrenkTheJoy]

Yeah this song is awful, but "I'm a bad bitch, you're annoying like a vag itch" is a really good line.

[@dangerousatanyspeed1223]

I laughed so hard at the absurdity of that line I couldn’t breathe

[@Crimson_Knight004]

Taken on its own that could be a good and genuinely funny line in a well-written, tongue-in-cheek music video.

[@lizzyaine3293]

That with the “make me a sam-itch” line took me the fuck out

[@gabbyc05]

i need tbe time stamp 😩😩😩

[@anntoniataylor8404]

she is absolutely ALLERGIC to the beat

[@breezemansker3366]

The worst part is the bars are kinda creative if she had more talent, flow and any knowledge of rap at all 💀

[@Bionicbutter43]

"She's allergic to the beat. She smells like feet. The crocodile of wall street? Bitch you're lucky if your the lizard of monopoly. Because your money's fake cuz you can't rap on the beat" It's not the best

[@yorukaadams940]

@@Bionicbutter43 you should’ve been paid to ghostwrite

[@stardoogalaxie9314]

@@Bionicbutter43 how about "She allergic to the beat. she smell like feet. Croc of wall street? Delete her fucking deets. Her man in my sheets, feelin on my n f teets. Crypto bitch on the street, Karen Phonin' with elites."

[@Bionicbutter43]

@@stardoogalaxie9314 Yo That goes hard

[@marissawimer8951]

Trauma bonds people, thanks for going through this with me, guys

[@abbymorrison3097]

Tysm for enduring this with me

[@falakrafi]

In the words of Plankton, I'll see you all in therapy 😭

[@jjan3]

No problem. Stay strong brother ✊

[@Freshly_Toast]

course, us premium viewers gotta help each other out

[@dandeliontea59]

🤝

[@elsakempe631]

I love how NOT on beat she is. It almost sounds like it's on purpose. Also love how even when Jarvis was repeating after her to make fun of the lyrics he had more sense of rhythm

[@RanRanRenchan]

Razzlecon's lines about being a grandmother give off the same energy as the: "I am old. I'm sixteen, I'm a grandmother!!" vine.

[@softcoffeewhispers]

Jarvis talking through the different verses feels like in English class where you were given a vague poem and told to annotate it with your classmates and you just had to do your best

[@reneayyy]

best comment

[@kingosnake7158]

when i was in high school my freshman english teacher made us analyze an eminem song, cringiest teacher i've had to this day

[@softcoffeewhispers]

@@kingosnake7158 “um, ma’am, I think he’s just angry. like really angry. I think that’s the whole song.”

[@kingosnake7158]

@@softcoffeewhispers she literally asked us "what do you think he means by that" about the entire chorus of lose yourself, LINE. BY. LINE.

[@bucketonfoot]

@@kingosnake7158 “as you can probably already tell it takes so much time and effort to come up with something as great as “that’s an awfully hot coffee pot” in this line he describes a pot of coffee this could be taken as a metaphor for society, the heat could represent society and he is talking about how much he doesn’t want to interact with it, this is a think piece about a straight white man rejecting society and social norms, true bravery, tear jerking even”

[@billymoak3848]

Her ability to stay off beat and still rap in complete monotone is incredible. (Edit: I’m happy to have started an argument over the meaning of monotone in the replies, but to clarify; it is strange that she raps with little inflection and still stays off beat. But I will concede that she uses some form of intonation when “singing.”)

[@whyisthisdifferentnow]

This comment actually made me audibly laugh. Thank you. 😂

[@glswain]

Personally I’m more a fan of the choreography, aka literal arm-flailing

[@gnickthegnome1981]

This is not monotone

[@jungtothehuimang]

@@glswain she looks like she's not comfortable moving too quickly

[@LightningMcqu33f]

It’s a skill

[@wordwriter]

How can I get just like 1/10th of the blind self-confidence that this woman has? 😂

[@ramihearts]

If anyone knows I would like to know too

[@DeeDee-zu2pv]

It's easy, just launder 1/10 of crypto that she did. You don't have access to 300 million worth of Bitcoin? Pfft. Poor

[@jamesfletcher3202]

just pray you only get 1/10th of her blind self confidence any higher concentrations have shown to be lethal.

[@-piras]

yeah, more then half would turn me into a horrible person

[@thegreenmanofnorwich]

I'm guessing that's what theft and copious cocaine will do to a person

[@swordswaltzing]

you know what there's almost a sylvia plath-esque disjointedness to her lyricism that is admirable. perhaps it cleverly hints at an inner turmoil except no of course it doesn't what the fuck is this

[@sidoniegabrielle269]

i honestly think she was born to be a terrible slam poet and just chose the wrong path

[@charliegibson4016]

She has a talent for writing pure nonsense, she could absolutely be a surrealist performance artist.

[@sholem_bond]

I haven't heard a lot of people remark on this: she's so *devoid of confidence* in the entire performance of this song/video (the first music video). She dances and raps really half-heartedly, like she realized how unconvincing and cringy this was as she was filming it, but didn't want to bother trying to make it any better. She could at least be EARNESTLY bad at rapping. She looks like one of the [few] high school drama kids who's afraid of seeming too enthusiastic about the role, so they don't commit to it (and just keep getting cast because they're conventionally attractive or rich or whatever). 7:35 edit: ok, this song too.

[@alexisb3829]

This is a good explanation

[@olivejuice1424]

Spot on

[@RichardServello]

I think she's just white.

[@KymLikesGames]

I agree ... I didn't feel like she took this song seriously, almost like it was a parody. But turns out she did all this unironically, and so it does just seem like she has no confident.

[@ap0ll0slyre]

every verse was like a new surprise except the surprise is angry bees and you're in pain every time

[@gremlinwc8996]

💀

[@AW-sx8hm]

The surprise is angry bees?! An influx of BEES oughta put a stop to that!

[@Zarmdthecoolest]

This feels like a tumblr post

[@lizlee8715]

Like each verse is the equivalent of tripping and falling. You try to get up and continue walking but you end up tripping again.

[@charliegibson4016]

It’s like a kinder surprise but you choke on the toy every Time.

[@saramorrison7864]

That feel when you’re so bad at something you decide to just say you’re “a surrealist artist”

[@andrewollmann304]

Ah, yes....the “Tommy Wiseau” effect.

[@oddduck2003]

Dadadist, dummy

[@mimz1173]

It sure is a surreal experience

[@oscarcacnio8418]

@@oddduck2003 I've seen cans of literal artist dung with more quality than this.

[@oddduck2003]

@@oscarcacnio8418 yeah but it makes bank and in this world bitch that is all that matters. No church thank god in the wild

[@kisikisikisi]

It's not even that she's a bad rapper. It's that she sounds like someone who has never heard a rap song, trying to make a rap song based on the description by a person who has heard one (1) rap song. Edit: for those confused, my point was that she is so bad that she can't even be described as a rapper. In order to be a bad rapper, you need to be rapping. There are words coming out of her mouth and there is a beat. That's where the similarities end.

[@SidneyBell]

@@nonnononnononno rap and rape are very different

[@Babyteef]

Weirdly feels like she COULD be an okay rapper

[@thilypad557]

And the only rap song that other person ever heard was by Blueface baby.

[@ambi_cc8464]

@JayLeeBeanz I agree that it feels like a PowerPoint but more in the way that there was probably passion there, but it was amateurly expressed and the motivation to do it didn’t out weigh the inconveniences of committing much

[@brandonholloman157]

“it’s not that she’s a bad rapper, it’s that she ((proceeds to describe a bad rapper))”

[@bubbs6969]

How did she momentarily convince me that "street" does not rhyme with "feet"?

[@charliegibson4016]

She has deconstructed the art of language through her lack of flow

[@AsherWick-vd4km]

she is absolutely petrified of the beat

[@rainbowdemon5033]

The Husband already looks like he doesn't matter much in any conversation. He looks like a stock-photo. Idk what it is, but he looks like an AI tried to create the most average looking guy

[@amelia3146]

He’s giving NPC

[@Jamerian2010]

🤣🤣🤣

[@krayozmines]

@@amelia3146 💀💀💀💀

[@bigdawgchai]

broo 💀💀💀💀

[@MariaTex3]

I read this comment while in the library and I'm trying so hard to contain my laughter

[@kaydenpat]

The prosecution needs to show this “rap” video to the jury. Guilty as hell.

[@foongern1071]

Hell no, she could plead insanity!

[@kaydenpat]

@@foongern1071 😂

[@jakimoretti7771]

no matter what she did she did it

[@Emu19]

I really hope the "GOOOOOOHHHHHLD!" audio never goes away. Ik things get repetitive and boring for the creators themselves but that audio makes me smile everytime and I say it out loud with the video lmao.

[@dandarcy2539]

fun fact! the clip is from austin powers in goldmember :-)

[@annikornbee743]

This rap feels like when five year olds at a sleepover make a dance routine and immediately show it to their parents without a single run through

[@keawarren]

😂😂😂

[@ratqueenbee]

her existence feels like a hate crime against every marginalised group to ever exist

[@charliegibson4016]

The line “gays are exempt” makes me feel like I just got hate crimed. I do not want to be exempt from whatever this is, just call me a slur and move on with your life razz

[@theclaybor4352]

😂

[@TheNormExperience]

“The rap video of the woman who was just arrested as part of an alleged husband-wife scheme that laundered $3.6 billion in crypto.” Every word in that sentence takes it up another notch when it already started at an 11.

[@AmyAberrant]

When he said “this is the last place I expected isis to turn up” I was on the FLOOR 😭

[@lauraashlyn]

She sounds like a child who just discovered bad words

[@ramihearts]

Yup

[@sunsatire]

omg frr

[@Phrog1919]

😂

[@boop9173]

“you annoying like vag itch” is hands down the funniest rap lyric i’ve ever heard

[@gaylehesser8060]

go on make me a sam ich

[@RichardServello]

Lil Dicky would approve

[@EvaIdk__Romania]

I mean yeah that's kinda annoying

[@raruther59]

Her calling herself the Versace Bedouin even though she’s Turkish American is like an Irish American calling themselves a Gucci Sicilian. It’s so off that it illustrates her total lack of knowledge of Middle Eastern ethnography.

[@ChiBoomyBoom]

I laughed so hard at this comment.

[@nicor3612]

"Crocodiles can't wear boots" well maybe not boots, but have you considered CROC IN CROCS?

[@brynnawill7475]

jarvis sensed this song years in advance and left the tech industry to protect himself from its nuclear impact. respect

[@lamibonxd]

he’s built different

[@asapaints]

good to know that she thinks gay men aren’t….men?? thanks girl I had no idea I wasn’t a guy

[@rat-gang-]

she's bringing back old fashioned homophobia with bad rap

[@alexreid1173]

Her ability to stay completely off beat is amazing. I would have thought she would accidentally be on beat at some point

[@trashpanda2825]

Dodged the beat like a pro boxer

[@JustToast936]

I mis-read “Versace Bedouin” as “Versace Boudin” at first, and was very confused as to why she’d be calling herself a designer sausage.

[@rachelcookie321]

I so hope that they include her rap ‘career’ in the Netflix documentary about the bitcoin laundering. I feel this is vital backstory to her character.

[@newtpollution]

The confidence this woman had in calling herself the "Versace Bedouin" had me googling whether I actually knew the definition of bedouin.

[@LiarJudas666]

Pretty sure that it's just another reference to how she's very proud to be Turkish. No, this does not make it make any more sense

[@kharchangarchive]

Right like...Turkish people aren't Bedouin, they're Turkish 🤔 You can be both but in her case she's just Turkish-American

[@keira4840]

Her music video feels like something someone like Brian David Gilbert would release on their channel with no warning, and if it still sounded like this instead of being a genuine bop, then you'd go, "oh, it sounds like that because he knows how to make music, therefore he also knows how to make music bad on purpose to be funny." But if this is sincere...I think I'm still actually impressed. I don't know how she's managed this. Kinda obsessed. Edit: left out a word.

[@ahobbit1273]

I feel like Brian is too talented to make something this bad, even if he tried.

[@rat-gang-]

fr i don't know how someone can consistently stay SO off beat

[@RabblesTheBinx]

Ok, as someone who _does_ know how to make music, it's _really_ hard to make something intentionally bad. There's no accounting for taste and, many times, an artist will make something they think is absolute trash and then it becomes a _smash_ hit. Hell, the most popular (I mean, we're talking relatively, here, obviously nothing I've produced could be considered popular, in general) song I ever did was a shitty pop song I threw together as a bet that I could write a pop song in under 5 minutes. It wasn't _supposed_ to be good, but the majority of people who hear it like it _more_ than my other stuff. "Song 2" by Blur, "Cum On Feel the Noize" by Quiet Riot, "Loser" by Beck, "Fight for Your Right" by the Beastie Boys, all joke songs that were meant to be bad, but people unironically loved them.

[@mellow_mallow]

@@RabblesTheBinxI gotta agree I kinda love Versace Bedouin. Like objectively it's horrible. So bad. Awful. But like there's just enough pieces of good shit in it and I can't stop thinking about the way they mingle with the Not Good Bits

[@shaquilleeurope2600]

​@@mellow_mallowIt could have been so fire with a better rapper and a few lyric changes. The beat carries hard

[@charlieweathersbymusic]

"And y'all wonder why I left the tech industry" honestly, that quote summed up this entire horrible experience we've all just gone through together 😂

[@carmenb.2784]

the fact that she gets ahead of the beat and then has to wait for it is too funny

[@chaeyoungsbish]

The whole silver on my fingers and boots on my feet reminds me of the dr. Doofenshmirtz records on my fingers rap💀

[@ahobbit1273]

Don’t diss Doofenshmirtz like this, he has flow.

[@BojoPigeon]

I think "beat dodger" is a phrase I'll start using for certain performers.

[@caitlin8855]

This was horrible, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Thank you Jarvis!

[@timhocking529]

Same

[@PrettyGuardian]

Your line about her being a grandma of the game absolutely killed me. I'll be sending her the bill for my funeral. She can pay in crypto.

[@tp6440]

Unfortunately I don’t think crypto can be exchanged for any physical goods or services. Just NFTs and sadness.

[@guacbird]

@@tp6440 i think in some places some shops and vending machines use crypto

[@VinceyBishoppurpleisbae]

@@guacbird I know a place near me does

[@WickedRatzz]

they all dance in the music video like white aunts at weddings lmaoooo

[@BJ-bi9xv]

très vrai😂!!!

[@stoatthemammal]

It took me months to finish this video because each time she rapped it just made me feel like I warped in time.

[@trashpanda2825]

Come do it again

[@wideride8320]

Nothing makes me feel more premium than that Jarvis Johnson! GOLD notification popping up while I'm on my lunch break. ☺

[@sklerpo]

not me also on my lunch break watching this

[@Chibi_Mercury]

GOOOLD!

[@Thigh_fi]

@@sklerpolmaooo me three

[@thatsannoying]

Lunch break gang 😊

[@MissLiss1215]

Lunch break gang ✌🏼

[@zoeb-p5993]

When she talked about being a croc/gator and wearing boots I just immediately thought of crocodiles and alligators being at war and like... wearing each other's skin as boots.

[@thatsdisco]

crocodile dandy with alligator shoes

[@Colorfultography]

I love that visual

[@JMBAD_art]

That’s kind of sick as hell

[@snakewithapen5489]

Oh that turf war already exists! We call it Florida, the gators are winning currently

[@courtney3743]

Drake’s been real quiet ever since Razzlekhan said “Ima bad bitch, make me a sammich”

[@Babyteef]

He’s gone and made her that bad bitch sammich

[@HopeIsADrug11037]

no amount of that money she stole will make up for what she put my ears through

[@Dressup_Doll]

She sounds like she lost a bet and had to write, choreograph, and rap this while deeply hating it.

[@AveryDelMiller]

this is a person who got an insane amount of undeserved money and thought she was unstoppable. now the law has caught up with her, and I'm here for it

[@gunkwizardry]

these are my favorite types of stories

[@hommefataltaemin]

What???? Is ur pfp?????

[@AveryDelMiller]

@@hommefataltaemin gay furry

[@leomorris7573]

this whole thing is super bizarre, heathers a family friend of one of my best friends. according to my friends dad (who was her fourth grade teacher) she's "incredibly smart and accomplished but still feels the need to exaggerate her accomplishments to make herself sound more impressive than she already is" (i.e. being able to speak 3 languages but telling herself she speaks 6) and this whole situation is "disappointing but not super surprising"

[@Catglittercrafts]

Woah

[@kiralonely]

Aye, I used to be that kid too. 'cept I grew out of it over time. Sounds like she could do with some therapy and self esteem help way more than the NFT stuff tbh. I don't mean that in a mean way, everyone needs therapy imo, but like, I go to therapy and have for like 5-6 years now, and god that shit helped my self esteem a lot, which is usually were that kind of need to over-exaggerate and make yourself seem cooler seems to stem from ime, but idk.

[@jaynenunya6070]

sounds like clinical Narcissism man

[@Dolthra]

As soon as she said synesthesia, and especially with that "it's a social commentary" comment at the end, this was the vibe I got. Like a person who is actually completely interesting on their own who just continues to make up shit about themselves for no reason and ends up being endlessly annoying to talk to because of it.

[@VertigoCrime]

Panini Syndrome

[@joutatheegg]

I’m trying not to cry of laughter this entire video It feels like the lyrics were generated by AI, it’s amazing

[@gamemultiplier1750]

Nah, I bet some AI models could compose better rap lyrics.

[@Zarmdthecoolest]

Don't insult AI like that

[@MayorVideo]

carykh made an ai to generate rap lyrics, and it does much better

[@tadicahya6439]

That's insult to chatgpt

[@altalert3939]

The rap honestly gives the same vibes as the raps they’d show you in middle school history class about the founding fathers 💀💀💀

[@hyjinx3635]

"Silver on my hands and boots on my feet" Yes Heather, boots typically go on your feet. And if you're a gator- (Crocodile, perhaps,) then they go on your forelimbs and hindlimbs.

[@mars_is_cooler]

Plot twist: Jarvis was the true crypto billionaire rapper all along 😔

[@nicematerial]

Maybe the true crypto billionaire was the raps we made along the way...

[@tinytigertamer]

That would mean he’s married to this woman though. You’ve done Jarvis real dirty by suggesting this😂

[@SolaceMcfly]

@@nicematerial this will always be funny

[@littlechi7738]

@@nicematerial EvEr SiNcE i WaS 15 :)

[@MT-qk7dz]

I'm absolutely shitting myself this is so dystopian

[@rileyriley8123]

The "Not Like Other Girls" syndrome is strong with this one. She might have even redefined the parameters for it.

[@sunsatire]

LMAO

[@pik4mongus_sus__new_funky_125]

This video got age-restricted clearly because of all the 3rd-degree fire burns this Crypto Rapper just spat.

[@eelvis1674]

Never been more confident that someone was lying about having synesthesia for clout

[@AlexanderKrell]

"I'm the bear of Wall Street" would be a great line in an anti-capitalist rap song, ngl If you wanted to flex your trading skills "the bull of Wall Street" is a way better than a crocodile

[@victoriaadderhold]

These sound like a Danny Gonzalez parody song if Danny couldn't sing

[@Babyteef]

I was gonna say this was offensive but then i remember the entire bad boy rap he did

[@FrenkTheJoy]

I was gonna say that it's possible to be a grandmother at 31 if she had a kid at 15 and that kid had a kid at 15, but then she said she's been a gilf since she was 15 so I'm just lost now.

[@CT-1118]

I swear I've heard a parody song with the SAME beat and monotone voice before and it's killing me that I can't remember

[@Hannahgs]

I loved when this story came out and so many people were like “this is crazy who would have thought these lame people would get this much crypto” like…this is exactly what every crypto bro is like lol

[@elainelouve]

She seems such a criminal mastermind... Pure talent all over.

[@Andy-ct8be]

She has the unearned confidence of an old boomer dude. We're laughing but she's gonna be president

[@Babyteef]

This girl is gonna scratch out Trump’s eyeball if he tries to get re-elected

[@wr9797]

Lol why you gotta jinx us like that

[@emilysmith5130]

if these songs aren’t satire then i have never been so confused in my life.

[@APerson-qw8yy]

Even if they are, it's still cringe lol

[@emilysmith5130]

@@APerson-qw8yy so cringe lol

[@leftylion5291]

As someone who lives in NYC... my gawd, it hurts to see her walking our streets. Like, go to Florida. Please. We do not want you at the Wall Street 2/3 station.

[@starboundsingularity]

i used to think rapping was just "talking over music" and while i realize thats wrong i think thats what she thinks it is

[@chloeme3589]

Imagine sitting on those stairs while these young people in weird customs crawl around you and all you remember from that day is "You're annoying like...vag itch"

[@Phia525]

“You annoying like vag itch” she has a point. She’s an icon a legend and she is the moment. I mean cmon now.

[@gremlinwc8996]

She is gaslight gatekeep and girlboss

[@daisycolvin2151]

I choose to believe we live in universe where she just has the greatest sense of humor of all time.

[@madismith1884]

Same 😭😬

[@howdaru3170]

The extras at most points look like they are being held hostage and/or wondering if the 0.00000001456 of BTC is worth this.

[@piratemeow]

I think she was using the “gator and silver” bar to reference a dragon, but she must’ve forgot what those flying lizards were called.

[@zoeb-p5993]

Coming back to this after six hours to say how much I desperately want an American Psycho adaptation that's set in the 2020s but instead of a satire on 80s corporate culture it's about this woman.

[@epicalduck]

Yeah, the script would write itself, especially when you consider what has been found when the authorities raided her house. I mean you can't just come up with wild shit such as this on purpose.

[@kwarra-an]

God, the future American Psycho is gonna be so good. This era is unbearable in such a uniquely surreal way, like the 80s but worse

[@ThisIsTechToday]

Even with your entertaining commentary, this is so awful to sit through it's so bad LOL

[@chmchn]

Her rapping you mean?

[@elven1912]

I feel like Jarvis is the goofiest of all the commentary boys in the absolute best possible way. A distinct and immaculate feeling about this bud

[@Babyteef]

I love Cody Ko and Danny Gonzalez but i do not get the same joy on their “random topic i found and wanna share” video’s, Jarvis is so goofy? Its the way he accidentaly says something funny and laughs at his own joke afterwords, mans cracks me up so hard i never expect what he’s gonna say

[@nataliearsenault2486]

@@Babyteef yeah Kurtis laughs at his own jokes too and i love it lmao

[@allisonavery7273]

Bump

[@allisonavery7273]

@@Babyteef maybe it’s the adhd in the best way possible. ADHD leads to some hyper focuses and a lot of fun times

[@Babyteef]

@@allisonavery7273 Jarvis has ADHD? I never noticed that damn, i have ADD myself though so maybe thzts why i related to him so much

[@fightshrub8872]

Jarvis singing "Bad bitch, bad bitch, motherfuckin bad bitch" is amazing. Release the single, Jarvis!

[@moonsong299]

"Ever since I was fifteeen"- "Let's talk about better help" Talk about perfect timing

[@rgs8970]

this reminds me of when rap first started getting integrated into pop culture in the 80s and there were like commercials and "comedy" raps (like, frooty pebbles ads and a Rodney Dangerfield "song"). Istg the mentality was, "okay rapping is just talking over music. there's no wrong way to do this. go" (there are lots of wrong ways, and Razzlekhan's way is particularly tragic)

[@Nameisworkinprogress11]

"razzlekhans solution to #metoo" "no way, no way, we are done" this clip is so genius. What does razzlekhan mean? is she saying that the me too movement is bad? is she saying that she has a solution for sexual assault? what the fuck could she even say after that sentence. It doesnt matter, we are not doing that. that is some bullshit that we dont need.

[@tf2heritageposts]

her rap is like she generated a random wikipedia article for every sentence

[@moeshrooms385]

You’ve described it literally perfectly, there’s no way an AI didn’t write these lyrics

[@tf2heritageposts]

@@moeshrooms385 im pretty sure an ai would be thousands of times more coherent

[@damisnap3452]

4:01 shes obviously talking about vector the crocodile from sonic heroes. he can wear boots

[@adonysus]

“i feel like i built this up a bit” not enough Jarvis, not nearly enough