My ROCD Story

Hey everyone!
In honor of how amazing OCD week was this year, I thought I'd finally share my story. If you've wondered why I've been gone from KZbin here and there for the last two years, this is why.
Life has been a struggle lately, and I'm finally learning to balance my mental health with everything else in my life.
If you or someone you know is struggling with OCD, Anxiety, or ANYthing at all, please reach out for help.
Here are the resources that saved me:
Sheryl Paul:
conscious-transitions.com/
HIGHLY recommend her courses (they're pricey but worth it)
conscious-transitions.com/bre...
The OCD Stories:
theocdstories.com/
Chrissie Hodges:
www.chrissiehodges.com/
My FAVORITE ROCD channel, Awaken into Love:
/ @awakenintolove
What is ROCD?
• OCD3: What is Relation...
Follow me on Instagram (@jazzminlauren) to keep up with my recovery and journey with ROCD!

[@christinas.3461]

I can’t believe I’m not crazy. Thank you so fucking much, i feel so much less alone.

[@jazzminlauren]

Yay! So happy I could help. You'll get through this!

[@bethrutherford95]

Do you still have moments where you doubt you even have ROCD? That you're making it up to avoid the uncomfortable truth of having to break up? That you're lying to yourself? These seem to be pretty common thoughts of mine. Appreciate the video, hope you continue to feel better x

[@laural4879]

I can totally relate to this !

[@christinas.3461]

Beth Rutherford I have pretty severe ROCD/OCD and I definitely experience this. I realize these thoughts are rooted in fear. Real intuition should not feel panicky. “Listening to intuition” can be a HUGE trigger for me and I have learned to recognize that there are different kinds of intuition and not every thought or feeling I have is productive or healthy for me or my partner. Ask yourself if you find these thoughts to feel more intrusive/anxiety-filled than anything else. But don’t become obsessive over thinking about that either (From experience)! I hope this helps at least somewhat.

[@jazzminlauren]

Hi Beth! That question is the million dollar question! No matter what, It will always be there somewhat nagging at you. If it's giving you an intense amount of anxiety, especially if it's interfering with your every day life, than I feel confident that it's not just simply "relationship doubts". Essentially, every person has these thoughts! Even ones that truly LOVE their partners! It's our reaction to the thoughts that stirs up the anxiety. The more questions you ask, the more you'll doubt your answers and thus the cycle starts. Sheryl Paul has a few blog posts on Conscious Transitions that discuss the feeling of "lying" when you say you are in love. I'd highly recommend reading it!

[@jazzminlauren]

@@christinas.3461 Such good advice, Christina! It's true! Intuition doesn't have that sense of urgency!

[@bethrutherford95]

Thank you so much Jazzmin for responding, and congratulations on your engagement.

[@vesiradkova6253]

Omg thank you so much. I have been struggling with ROCD for the last year. My bf and I have been together for a couple of years and honestly I have watched so many videos about ROCD but this one was the winner for me. I related to every single word you said. I was so depressed because I knew how much I love him yet my brain was saying otherwise and I was just so confused and scared. To whoever is reading this comment OCD hangs onto the things you love the most. It gets so much better just don’t give up. You are not alone and you are so so strong. And if you are here then best believe that you do love your partner and your relationship. ❤️

[@joannaschluff810]

I Think there is a spiritual element to this. That tries to break apart the purest relationships that have that true love. I can tell she is so in love and they just seem so good for each other. That’s what the world needs, is some solid love...nothing dark would want that to happen. I know we don’t all believe the same things, but for those that also have thought this, maybe you can relate to me on this suspicion. I can’t help but notice that it’s always the most solid and in love couples who are attacked like this. I say this from my own experience as well. When I had ROCD symptoms, I just knew something wasn’t right. It was literally the WORST state of panic I’ve ever felt. Now I’ve felt this before, I had compulsive confessions from 9-12 that showed up again later in ROCD at 25. How I conquered it? When I was young, instead of confessing my guilt, I would write down something I love about myself, or something I accomplished, or even a positive quote I came up with in the moment. I started doing the EXACT opposite thing that the compulsion wanted me to do. OCD wants me to confess? Well I’ll go secretly write down things I love about myself and things that make me happy. One entry per thought. That worked for me then. I brought the book out again for ROCD recently and it’s working great for me once again. And as I write I just know it will go away in time just like it did when I was 12. Just a personal tip from my experience that may help someone along with my thoughts on this! Again, all personal experience. I found a lot of correlations between my experience and what she described in this video - helped me a lot. She’s spot on “don’t give the actual thought the time.” She’s so inspiring and so is her true love.

[@ViNtAgELovv11]

Confessional OCD? I've never heard of that, but thats something I experienced as a kid and still do...its like I need to confess something (minor) that I feel will make me a bad person if I do not. And it eats at me...

[@villelaukkanen3294]

Beautiful comment 💓

[@user-vk7oj2qj5i]

Google is my favorite worst enemy...but hey I found your video. My anxiety and thoughts increase around my period and big changes. Aka like right now we are moving and it’s constant

[@jazzminlauren]

Samantha Hill I’m the same way! Physical triggers, such as hormones, alcohol, caffeine, sleep etc can have a strong affect on how intense your intrusive thoughts are. Generally, any life stressors will stir negative feelings up. Hang in there! ❤️

[@joannaschluff810]

Girl same!! Haha

[@marcyzombie]

My symptoms also increase around my period !!! And also my boyfriend and I are getting married and my bridal shower is 2 weeks away. I was suffering with pocd and that kind of became dormant but now I feel like it’s evolved into ROCD. I feel like I’m going through it all over again. The anxiety chest feeling, being super emotional , wanting to breakdown, wanting to seek re assurance. It’s the worst.

[@kyleehokenson6942]

Omg, it’s always my periods that makes these thoughts occur 10times more than normal and I thought I was crazy!

[@Alice-lw1to]

Sounds like some of you may have PMDD

[@swetatries]

Thank God I found you. These thoughts finally got name. I was feeling so guilty for having this thought because I love her a lot.

[@reyesrodriguez4360]

My current partner has ROCD and I am here because I want to help him and support him, I do not want our beautiful relationship to come to an end. He's been going through all of these things you've described (or most of them) but we love each other so deeply that I am willing to help him and understand him. Such a great video with very valuable information. People with OCD happen to be really strong and if we're around these people we should give them a hand, especially if we love them as much as I love my partner. Thanks!

[@virginiagutierrez1758]

God bless your beautiful soul

[@aguy559]

I hope things got better for you.

[@mariavaz7067]

hey! I wonder how you've been doing! I dealt with ROCD in my past relationship, and I bring an advice to you. I've also always been honest with my ex-partner about ALL of my doubts. All of them. Maybe more than I should have. He was sometimes hurt, but even so, he would be understanding. Sometimes it would be doubts, but sometimes, I'd legit think he was all kinds of a bad person. I guess that's part of the sabotage. Even so, he would try to be understanding and patient and then ease my thoughts, mentioning my "relationship anxiety" (I didn't know about ROCD, so I thought it was a FA attachment style).. BUT, from my point of view, that would just devalue my feelings and gaslight me into being okay with him, changing my reality of thoughts... And at a point, I started not trusting his words at all and whenever he tried to help me, I'd not take it, because I though he was being manipulative. Now I realize he was just trying to help me, although in a very wrong way, because intrusive thoughts, despite irrational, are still our reality, and no one can shape your reality instead of you. I think the best way to help is to make a few questions that you know might have a positive answer. By that, you'll bring positive memories to hopefully overshadow their negative and very loud ones. Or maybe talk about something they're passionate about! The first time I had ROCD, I just became distant for 2 hours in the middle of the date. He understood I wasn't ok to talk, so he just said "hey, let's just sit down and watch cat videos!", and we did for another 30 mins until I calmed down. That was very meaningful to me because he didn't pressure me, he didn't abandon me, he just waited. There's another friend of mine I'm pretty sure she also has ROCD too, and she criticizes my ex for trying to ease my thoughts too. She says that her ex had the perfect outcome whenever she said she doubted her feelings. He would just say "okay, so tell me when you're sure again. I'll wait"... I'm not sure this would work perfectly for me, because it still sounds a bit passive-aggressive and I would feel bad for making him distance himself from me. I think the cat videos, or something distracting are still a better strategy. These are all my inputs. I wish you and your partner all your best luck!

[@pixie4536]

The whole time watching this I was like “Omg! I’m not the only one!”

[@kelseydavis-roberts7473]

Love this. I’ve been struggling for rOCD for 6 months and just got engaged! ROCD has made it difficult to enjoy being newly engaged and planning towards our wedding in June but this video is another reminder to keep moving forward 💗 thank you for this.

[@gilmoregirls1606]

Kelsey Davis I am in the same place at you! Just got engaged and still struggling with ROCD which I just want to get past! Let me know if you want to talk and share stories/share advice!

[@jazzminlauren]

Big changes will always trigger up more intrusive thoughts. Be ready to brace the wave of emotions. You can do this!

[@katyd7626]

Kelsey hey I suffer from rocd and it takes away any enjoyment

[@trishnegrete309]

I just watched your wedding video. I had tears of hope imagining my future day. Thank you for reminding me we can all get through rocd.

[@NatalieNicole2222]

congratulations!!

[@michh99]

I thought I was crazy because I also have those moments when I felt I was in love and happy! But it was just for one day or hours.. I thought I was crazy because it sounds impossible that from nowhere you feel different and later you came again with all the things in your head

[@dianacortes5337]

You literally saved me. Even when I knew I’m going through this fu**g sh***t listening to the whole video just gave me a relief, because it’s like I feel you. The difference is that I’m getting crazy every day a little bit more. The more I have the thoughts the less I want to leave him, but at the same time the most frustrated I feel. I cry almost three to five times a day and I feel a complete sorrow inside. My love story is the prettiest I’ve ever know, my love is the best person I’ve ever met in my life and I just feel like life it’s unfair. I had a lot of past desastre relationships, full of humillation, and bad things that I don’t even like to remember. But the only person I met that is totally worth to spend all with, is with the one I feel this. And kills me inside, every second kills me more. I’m seeing therapists but still can’t figure out how to get rid of this. I want to love him in a healthy way, he doesn’t deserve less

[@mr.krabbskrabbypatty8342]

I began noticing that I was getting doubts and intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend and I about 2 months ago. It’s gotten worse and it’s so frustrating that I can’t figure out what the problem is at all. I love him so much and I absolutely love being with him and spending time with him but I get intrusive thoughts every single day and I can’t escape it. It sits so heavy on me and I feel terrible that I feel this way about a relationship that is so good. How are you doing now with this? I see your comment was 2 years ago

[@broojie8191]

I’ve had ROCD for almost 2 years now, my boyfriend and I’s second anniversary is in 6 days and I also struggle with HOCD. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️

[@aliceventuri9167]

I've had HOCD and now I'm struggling with ROCD!Take care!If you need help I'm here💖

[@Nix-dw5sm]

I also struggle with HOCD and ROCD! Hope you're doing well ❤️

[@tinaxvp]

What is HOCD?

[@lindseykuehn7473]

same here! ❤️

[@sharmila7654]

Same here too!! ❤️

[@ManTownProductions]

I’m in the midst of ROCD, and you hit every nail on the head with this video. Definitely a great starting point for people to begin recovery. Thanks for posting!

[@idk-ul1ob]

R u ok now?

[@ManTownProductions]

@@idk-ul1ob doing much much better. there is hope, but you must do the recovery work.

[@ManTownProductions]

@@idk-ul1ob and for the record, I married her this past October ;)

[@jagoda-risteska-james]

Thank you for this video and for the resources you have shared.

[@fiekedokman37]

Thank you so much for posting this and being so open and honest, I love you :)

[@sinast9048]

This. This hits home... thank you so much for this video ✨

[@TheSanchez2125]

Thank you for putting all this into words.

[@pineapploudofficial]

Thank you so much! You just gave me hope.

[@Dlroper95]

Thank you so much for sharing. Much love 🤘🏼❤️👍🏼

[@rachaeladams3121]

My story and yours are so similar! Thank you for being so brave to share this story!

[@nataliejonas880]

Thank you so much for this. You've given me hope that this will all be okay.

[@misshannyy]

This video is golden. Thank you so much for filming it.

[@stephanied9112]

Thank you so much! I feel so much less alone now and less crazy.

[@AnabelDC89]

This video has been very helpful. Please do more in the future

[@laural4879]

Thank you so much for this video. Lately I've been struggling and it is really hard because every time I feel relieved I instantly forget how hard it is to deal with the thoughts and the anxiety

[@azz111full]

Been dealing with this for 5 years now. Big hugs to everyone fighting it. Keep at it!

[@Blank_sp8ce1234]

I’m just coming back to this after watching it a few days ago. your video has helped me through a very recent but strong relapse of rocd. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure it wasn’t easy

[@MeganJohnstoneMackie]

Hugely helpful - currently going through this myself and have been since last September. I know my exact moment it started too. Stay strong!! xxx

[@pauldevera2840]

Thank you ! You describe it so well!! Especially the gut feeling! I’ve never heard it described as clear as you have done. This illness is so tricky. Thank you again You give me hope.

[@mr.krabbskrabbypatty8342]

I feel so understood. Thank you. This has been just eating me up.

[@OurLoveWeHadBefore]

Thank you so much for this video! I was diagnosed with OCD two years ago and just started CBT. Having good days and bad as of late. On bad days I do research but I'm glad it took me to this video and seeing all these other people going through it. Heres to bettering mental health and bringing awareness to this theme of OCD!

[@marlene18g]

I cried almost the entire time I feel like I’m not alone ,but this made me feel hopeful all at the same time thank you.

[@tayasharp8430]

I appreciate you sharing your story Jazzmin. Some of us have come to realize that mental issues have made their way into our lives, I've struggled with a ton of anxiety since I've become an adult and it's nice to know that I'm not alone or I'm not the only one going through things. Everyone has their own struggles and your amazing girl for sharing your story and overcoming what you have so far. I look forward to future videos from you about this topic. Thank you for sharing Jazzmin!

[@hyrulexmel]

one of the best videos of ROCD i've seen, super relatable!

[@adriaminton]

I’m going through this exact same thing rn. I’ve been so lost and confused for the past two months about why I was feeling this way and having these thoughts and I’m just figuring out it’s ROCD. Thank you for this video it rlly resonates w me!!

[@wisdomofanxiety]

Thank you for the link to my work, Jazzmin. Blessings to you. x

[@whitneyferris4918]

I am so happy that someone spoke out about this I struggle with rocd real bad and it’s been getting worse lately don’t really know what to do

[@bakedmoments6959]

Sorry you went through this. This seems so hard to go through :( I agree with the point you made as in the hardest the thing to do is to convince people how misreable you are so they can believe you when you say you have a mental disorder (ocd). I finally opened up to my friends and my boyfriend about my ocd (not rocd but the jealousy, scared, fearful) kind. I found myself explaining myself over and over, as in there was no way I had ocd in their mind and therapy is not meant for me. I felt alienated and alone. So thank you for sharing this video

[@jocelynem96]

So glad I came on KZbin instead of non stop searching on Google. Thank you thank you for sharing this with us.

[@franniesbooksandadventures7607]

Thank you so much for this video! I can totally relate. I also noticed that when I am tired, lack sleep or something, my “wall”against these negative thoughts are weaker and I feel more anxious and triggered.

[@annibananii8206]

You are so incredibly BRAVE! Thank you for being vulnerable to help the rest of us better understand our own ROCD struggles. Just wanted to tell you that. 😊

[@alexismishawn3927]

This was so helpful!!!!! I really needed to see this. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life, but it's gotten intense. I do feel like it's ocd, but I also was on hormonal birth control for 2 years so I am just now coming off of it.

[@twistedtale599]

Your story brought so much clarity to my current situation and it really helped me feel relieved and motivated to get better myself. Wish you all the best and thanks for sharing.

[@gardenanxiety]

This is so important. You are so important 😌

[@twilightlover2443]

I relate to literally every second of this every step is what I experienced. When it first all hits at once it is the scariest thing to ever experience in life. Especially when the intrusive thoughts go darker than your relationship. But it is a lot more draining when it picks at the most important thing to you- your love:(

[@kaylaramosav]

Brave and beautiful soul. Thank you for this ❤️

[@analuciaaraujoraurau197]

Thanks Jazzmin! I just got diagnosed with ROCD and I've been suffering for a year and half with these thoughts and all the guilty and anxiety that come with it. Your video helped me a lot, thanks again, and I am confident I will overcome this.

[@user-lj7ru2po9v]

So good!!! Thank you so much for sharing ❤

[@selenefirme3626]

I have ROCD A and B! 😭😭😭 Thank you for this. Gives me hope....

[@ZenjobBuddyJensJeremies]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! My girlfriend recommended it to me and it really helped me a lot :)

[@user-gn9fl2sk6b]

Thank you so much for this I am going through this now. Thank you thank you. I feel less alone 🧡

[@sanityisnotstatistical5912]

Sheryl Paul is amazing I go to her stuff too when my rocd is really bad.Rocd is a very painful disorder and I hate it but seeing other people experience it helps me realise I'm not the only one

[@kevinarleo3680]

Omg. Thank you for this. You are so brave woman. I imagine how hard must been to you to take the courage to make this video. But I must tell you that you are my superhero from now on.

[@emileydow646]

This truly helped me so much! Until watching your video, I didn’t know there was a “definition” for what I was feeling and going through and now, months later, I’m slowing understanding/finding ways to help me get through. Thank you! Xoxo

[@tim_ashton]

Made my day listening to this because I’m going through the same thing and it’s heartbreaking- it will sometimes feel so so real and it really is excruciating 🙁 hope you’re doing well and I feel the same I love my partner so so much and yet I have these thoughts. I’m currently on sertraline (Zoloft) and they’re helping but I’ve got a while until they truly kick in xx

[@wallycola5653]

Thank you for making this video. It was so vulnerable

[@laylaharrell8778]

You don’t know how much this has helped me, thank u

[@miscellaneousme7233]

Wow , thanks for this video . It's a heart to heart talk video . Literally , this helped me more than any apps , meditations or therapist video . Thanks for making it . I couldn't even figure out what was happening to me let alone talk to my partner about it .

[@malmorris1174]

Wow. If this isn't me, I have no idea what is. This literally helped me SO much. Thank you for telling your story.

[@Hannah-ng7xk]

So interesting hearing your emotions and how much I relate to them in so many ways. I went through this heavy this year and it is so isolating. Through therapy, I am beginning to learn how my depression and issues relating to childhood trauma have caused me to become the anxious person that I am within relationships. For example, I grew up with no sense of emotional security or template for what a functional relationship looked like, and it took until college to realize that about myself. When you don't have that foundation, it's painful to try and develop it as an adult. It's so hard to disconnect your past from your adult life, but unfortunately, one influences the other. I feel for everyone commenting on this thread who relates because it's an agonizing thing.

[@fobluv2011]

I have severe ocd and its focused on ROCD and hearing you explain the feeling you got when your thoughts came is exactly what I've been going through. My fiance has been patient and I am trying to fight but this is hard when all the professionals cost just too much to get help.

[@kaitlyn415]

I am currently going through this, the man im with is amazing but i think im not in love because i "dont feel anything" but i realized its just my ocd and i understand now that its my anxiwety so thank you! :)

[@georgiacraffey9441]

I also struggle with ROCD/HOCD and watching this and reading all the comments helps me feel less alone in this situation. I’ve tried therapy once but the therapist didn’t have enough knowledge on my condition and only managed to make it worse- constantly encouraging that my boyfriend WAS the problem and that I SHOULD break up with him. You can imagine how long it took me to get a grip on myself especially with HOCD constantly buzzing in the background as well.

[@Lauraa.p212]

Thank you so much for sharing your story❤️

[@chiledawgg]

First off I totally love your personality and subbed right in the middle of this video :) Secondly, we’ve had a lot of similar intrusive thoughts. I’ve been suffering from ROCD since 2012 (when I was 15 years old!) Around that time I could find absolutely no information on it. I’m so glad this community has built up online, especially on KZbin. Thank you for this lovely video!

[@ifatima948]

You are not alone. I have been through this lately. You know getting too attached, thinking of so many whatifs, and wanting to cut it off because it only seemed overwhelming. Now that I put a name for it, I'm way more happy and satisfied!

[@adammillest3518]

Very brave and very helpful, thank you Jazzmin. I've been struggling with rOCD for many many years, and it wasn't until I found Stuart Ralph's video (because my mum worked with his girlfriend!) that I realised what it was. I found it really hard to commit to relationships as I would always question them, and buy into those thoughts too easily, and so end the relationship prematurely. With a mixture of reading on the subject and having therapy sessions, I am beginning to move past it, and recently got engaged to my wonderful girlfriend. It is still an issue for me, but I hope to continue to progress in my recovery. It's really comforting hearing someone talking so openly about exactly the same sort of experiences that I have had, so thank you very much. I'm glad that you are in a good place with it now. All the best, Adam

[@Indis_world]

The amount of times this video had made me want to cry due to feeling seen🥹 thank you

[@daffodill90]

Thank you so much for sharing about your experiences and your recovery journey. I have recently been diagnosed with OCD and I know it's ROCD because that's all I ever think about :/. I really want to get better but know it's not a straight line to recovery but much rather a very topsy turvy squiggly line. We're in this together!

[@PK-hg6gl]

Well done, Jazzmin! You are making a difference in the OCD community.

[@Phoebe907]

I just learned about this yesterday through one of my countless, obsessive compulsive google searches. I feel SO relieved having learned that this is a thing, because I’ve been struggling with these obsessive thoughts for a very long time with my boyfriend. I saw a therapist because of these obsessive thoughts, but she suggested that maybe I should leave my boyfriend if I’m having these thoughts. I didn’t like this advice, so I stopped seeing her. I have dated a few men before, but this is my first long term relationship, but I have noticed it’s a pattern with every partner I’m with, there always comes a time where I think “there might be someone better waiting for me.” Or, “I’m too young to be in a relationship like this.” Or like yours, “I need to find myself,” (eat pray love style.) I also wonder how much of this is cultural. It seems the younger generations might fall pray to this kind of illness more easily. With movies like eat, pray love, or glamorizing being single and having sex with loads of men, or having social media to compare the “perfect” relationships your friends have, etc, etc. Anyway, this video has been incredibly helpful for me. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏼

[@Sara-zw8cy]

Exact same situation......feel you

[@dolores9886]

Same..

[@tiffanyliranzo7187]

Girl I feel you!! How are you doing now??

[@Mayhem5417]

okay wow i just watched all of this, and you have the closest symptoms that i have than anyone else ive seen on youtube. I want to get better., I want to be able to have a relationship and be happy.

[@devajaniborah9122]

Going through this right now. Thank you for sharing this!

[@broimstraightupnothavingag4975]

same. it's the worst right?

[@enkarehousedesigns148]

I have a different form of OCD, and I can relate 100% to what you are saying. There's nothing worse than not being able to trust your own mind, and that's what happens when someone tries to "debate" with OCD. I wish you all the best.

[@jadabrooke6542]

thank you so much for this ❤️

[@blakekinseyfilms]

Just found this. In the thick of it right now. I've also been with my partner since just after we graduated high school, and your story has lots of parallels with mine. Thank you for this.

[@natattacc99]

17:06. I feel so seen. I'm crying now. Thank you thank you thank you.

[@precillacabugao9639]

2021 and I’m here. Thank you so much Jazzmin! You’re God sent. I finally have a name for it. I love my fiancé very much and ROCD made me fall deep into depression. I’m getting better now, just like you, I’m given Zoloft for my depression. Again, thank you.

[@CherryStawberry]

YES, YES, YES! I absolutely love this! I have childhood traumas and ROCD/HOCD. So super fun. But I am going trought Sherly's course for the second time and have an therapist with whom I work regarding my traumas and who understands anxiety/intrusive toughts. So I am hanging in there! But let me tell you, if you meet an uneducated therapist it can worsen OCD/anxiety. I had this misfortune only a couple of weeks ago.

[@MissTrad24]

Thank you so much for this ♥️

[@nataleighelizabeth2401]

I’ve suffered from OCD for a year and right before my boyfriend and I moved to another state, I started having ROCD. It started when my boyfriend asked “why do you love me” and because I didn’t have an immediate answer I freaked out even though I know I love him deeply. I started asking people at work about love and things like that. On the road trip up to the new state is when I found out about ROCD. Since then it’s just been research

[@miatapia3725]

Hi Jazzmin. I've also started dating my BF our senior year. During my first moments of ROCD, all I could think about was how much I loved him and just cried myself to sleep every night. Fast forward to now, almost everything triggers my ROCD. When friends talk about their hook-ups or their exes, seeing tv couples talk about their exes, older family members telling me to experience as many people as I can, etc. Those words or notions make me think that I should, and me feeling numb currently doesn't help. I've been in my relationship for almost 2 years and there are moments where the thought of "experience" doesn't really cross my mind because I know that he's my person. But at the same time, I also feel stuck thinking that I should because I don't want to miss out [even though we're still young]. It's been insanely brutal and the feeling that you mentioned earlier of having was so accurate.

[@ginnentonix]

Thanks for this video, it was really helpful!

[@hannahpettit7211]

Everything you are saying in this video I am going through right now. I am going through a break with my boyfriend right now after having this constant anxiety that he is not the one for me. I felt physically sick, I couldn't eat, I could sleep, I was weeping all the time and couldn't focus on my work. Thinking about talking to him about how I felt made me shake and sob but once I broke things off I felt relieved that I no longer felt the anxiety of telling him. I feel utterly sad though. Everything that reminds me of him makes me feel a deep emptiness and sadness and I feel incomplete without him and it's only been a day. I just tonight learned about ROCD and everything makes so much sense now. Thank you for sharing your story it has really helped me a whole lot. I know it is hard to share these feelings, especially online.

[@CL9193]

You do not understand HOW much your video has helped me. Not because you're feeding into my compulsion, but because I can show this to my mom and have her understand what this is. I've always been a very anxious person, but have ALWAYS been able to fight it myself. Until college, I went through 3 bouts of depression, to the point where I could not leave my room. This is very hard for people to understand or comprehend because everyone knows me as being a very bubbly, happy person. But depression and OCD and anxiety for highly functioning individuals is such a struggle because it's hard to show people you are going through it since they don't see it. My ocd is definitely pureO. Because it's all mental. The constant questionin, ruminating, etc. Everything you've said in this video is ME. Thank you for being so informed and positive and real. We can do this ❤️❤️❤️

[@tiffanyliranzo7187]

How are you doing now?

[@berenicethegirl]

I can relate to sooooo much of what you're saying (only halfway through the video). I'm getting much better compared to last year (the worst months of my life, same as what you're describing) but I'm getting help too :)

[@jazzminlauren]

Good for you for getting help! Hang in there!

[@annagorbatoff8716]

I have had ROCD for 8 months now and just got engaged! You’ve hit all of the feelings right on, but there is HOPE. The less attention we give the ocd bully the more strength we have. Thanks for being vulnerable ❤️!

[@mariepayraud7788]

It messed up my last relationship. At that time I didn’t know it was ROCD. Up until a few weeks ago, I believed it was just anxiety or something was deeply wrong with me.. Now I realized it was ROCD. I also recently struggled with HOCD and intrusive thoughts around incest. I feel relieved to know I am not crazy and there is hope. 👍🏼

[@sidneyn1366]

"or I'll always feel anxious" EXACTY that. the scariest feeling

[@troublesmyths]

Thank you so much for sharing. I think I may be suffering from ROCD as well. This is a relatively new thing for me. (Last 10 months.) Mine started when my boyfriend cheated on me. My whole confidence and trust was destroyed. I already have OCD and now my thoughts are constant and painful. I feel like my emotions are on the surface at all times and I'm at the point of tears every moment. A lot of what you described is how I am feeling and thinking. Thank you again for sharing.

[@dinosuarzr0ck827]

The thing I keep telling myself is "if it's not meant to be, it will not be", I have huge anxiety about "wasting my time" Thank you for your videos!!

[@kamaca1219]

Thank you SO MUCH for this video. I’m suffering right now, have been for 5 months, and recently found out about ROCD. It’s a horrible HORRIBLE disease

[@jazzminlauren]

It truly is. Hang in there, Katie!

[@alourajane5702]

Thank god I found you. The excessive googling, the constant worrying that you don’t love them how you do. It’s so miserable and terrifying. I’m so glad I’m not alone.

[@srijachakraborty1758]

I am going through ROCD for some months now....Your video is very helpful and yeah I have never watched this video if I had not loved my partner...

[@trevorcurrence6580]

Thank you so so much for making this video and sharing your experience with this all and for you to go and explain you reasonings behind it all and I’m just forever thankful for you to share your perspective about it and it has really helped me with my thoughts and understanding I am not alone! I have the best girlfriend ever that is supportive of it all and knows that everything is ok and I’m just blessed to have my girlfriend come across this and show it to me

[@erinmourtoupalas4112]

❤️❤️ Yes, I am forever thankful to have found your channel. This is the most educational and supportive video I have ever seen on KZbin. It is a true blessing that my boyfriend and I can finally understand these thoughts and that there is a name that fits the symptoms. I’m finally not afraid of these thoughts anymore because I know I’m not alone. And I know that my boyfriend loves me. And to anyone out there who has a partner that is suffering, just know that they are in your life for a reason and do not give up on them if you love them. God bless you Jazzmin for being so brave. People like you make the world a better place thank you so much.

[@SilentFaces]

The saddest thing for me is that my boyfriend would not take me back if I left and honestly I don't blame him. We don't live in the same town but planned to move in together. Thank you for saying you felt relief at leaving as I feel that way too at times. Your experiences are similar to mine and give me a peace of mind.

[@cadaemcdade4462]

this has been such a reassuring find. I feel exactly like this. The thoughts started pretty much a month after I told my boyfriend I love him. I'm divorced and I think you have nailed it on the head saying that you are scared to lose something and I must carry the loss from before in that fear too. I cannot tell you how much less crazy I feel after watching this video. You have saved me from a day of uncontrollable sobbing. Identify the anxiety and whats triggering it and stop the obsession. Thank you gal x

[@jazzminlauren]

Thank you for your kind words, Cadae! Remember too, that sometimes anxiety doesn't have a "cause". Sometimes we're just anxious! Learning to lean into that feeling and not try and fix it is a great first step towards healing.

[@diko834]

TY so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I can relate to a lot of it. I actually left my marriage for ROCD (not even knowing I had it). It can be brutal.

[@CherryCoke550]

Yesterday I had a strange dream, I woke up being in fear in instant and immediately asked questions to myself "do i love him?" And this is horrible, because how is it even possible that I could not love person about which I was thinking so warm and I was so happy before I fall asleep just last night. I told my boyfriend about it, we are in long distance relationship so it makes things even harder, but he will always help me when I need it. Maybe its a little better than it was yesterday, but these things are in my head all the time, if i really love him, I start to cry, I feel like I can't eat, I can't really think about something else now. I did not know that even small trigger can start something like this, when I was totally happy and fine the day before... I had obsessive thoughts in the past also, but not about my love, so this is just next level of what I had... Thank you so much for this video, when I hear your story I know I am not alone in this, also when I read comments I see people are struggling with many faces of this problem.

[@nicolewatson609]

I’m so glad I found this! Would really like to hear someone’s opinion or just know I’m not alone ♥️ I have a past of 2 very toxic relationships where the guys were very bad to me (i know i shouldn’t of stayed) . For the first time I am with someone who is AMAZING. I mean if I could draw a perfect person for me the man I am with is who it would be. But about 3 months into the relationship (we’ve only been together 6 now) I started having these thoughts and I have no idea where they came from. I love him so much and do not want to lose him AT ALL. I found after my toxic relationships I’ve been focused on finding “the one” and broke it off with 3 other people before this for very dumb reasons but basically looking for perfection. But I just have this amazing person now and don’t know why I’m doubting him in this way but didn’t with my exes that were awful to me

[@carlotabevia4193]

Hello Nicole! First of all YANA (you are not alone). I was in an awful relationship for 3 years (15-18) and I continued to be obsessed with this relationship until I was 20, refusing to even date other people because I was "still in love with my ex / I wasn't over him". But even though I had these thoughts, I was in the path of healing and growing and loving myself. So last summer, when I came back of my year abroad I was in my strongest self and felt so empowered, and that was the year I met my current boyfriend. He is everything I could've picture as a partner, he is loving, caring, open minded, has a beautiful view of life, interesting, ambitious... Everything. And ROCD kicked in just before we started a long distance relationship. I have been doing some exposure work around it and I have come to the conclusion that whenever you are in a toxic relationship you don't experience ROCD because you are in constant chaos and hurting, instead of healing. On the contrary, when you find someone beautiful, that is there for you no matter what, you crave for chaos, for attention, for infatuation, for being saved constantly. Your healthy partner mirrors all the things that you need to heal with your inner child in order to feel deeper connection. I hope this was helpful and sending lots of love! I see you, YANA ♥️