Jealousy - The R Spot Episode 19

The R Spot episodes is where Iyanla shares messages, stories, and ideas to develop healthy relationships, and mend the ones that are broken. If you want to send Iyanla questions or share relationship issues; send correspondence to: [e-mail]
subscribe to: / iyanlava. .

[@stseinyt]

"It is your own thinking, that caused you to be jealous, not, what someone has done or have said." This so true! And, "the number one human fear, is, the loss of love" is so true, too!

[@sabrinag3357]

I like that. Set boundaries and protect yourself. Proverbs 27:4 says, "Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?" No one!

[@marsharowaihy6725]

Love this

[@fayetaylor1998]

There were times that I felt jealous in a relationship if the man didn't make me feel secure with us. Also there were times where I was jealous of "things" that people may of had. Or maybe if someone was popular and easy to like. Where as I was kind of an introverted/shy person. And wanted a personality that was more outgoing. But as I got older I realized that even if I didn't have the exact things that someone had. I could have my own version of it. Once I learned that I was the only one holding me back. An entirely different world opened up for me. I don't indulge in those feelings anymore. Because I know I can have what I want in some type of way. It's funny because it really goes both ways. While I was envying someone else I found that some people were envying me as well. The not so funny thing is some of those people actually tried to hurt me. I never took it that far, but it sure opened my eyes how dangerous jealously can be. Great message Iyanla!

[@beam8250]

I see myself in both roles, the jealous one and also dealing with jealous people. This came at a perfect time for me. It's something I am fully aware of, and working on. Thank you Iyanla. 💜.

[@shawnpreston1639]

Iyanla, you hit this on the head, from beginning to end. I'm going to have to watch this video daily for 30days. I need it to soak in my soul and subconscious.

[@Dallas3212]

omg me tooo girlfriend/boyfriend!!

[@AyesheIsAlwaysLovely]

shawn preston I copy that!

[@jocitaclarkekorkoyah8419]

I think all iyanla talks is something to soak in once you are going through like. I am already soaking in "Broken Relationship"

[@44Stephieb]

This was heavy! I have in the past been the jealous one. I am doing the work to overcome the self worth issues. Jealousy is NOT sexy to say the least!

[@VillagegirlinNorway]

Stephanie Bullock thanks for sharing.How are you working on it?

[@MrTwiturd]

Iyanla, I always find the perfect advice from you at the perfect time 🙂 This video was posted on my birthday and it's exactly what I needed. Thank you so much Iyanla 🌷

[@herecometheinnovators72]

jealousy can be like mental illness it well usually root from abandonment, insecurity, low-self-worth, self-rejection, self-hatred, fear definitely is in the picture you need God to dig it out let God heal you

[@treenarami8288]

Ronda Butler you are so right. I have experienced all those things. I am an older Sister of three brothers and my mom used to say one was better than the other in order to get what she wanted out of us. Now I have this mental issue believing that nothing I do is good enough. Feeling sometimes worthless to myself and in my relationship. Which is hard on me and my boyfriend and on my mental stability. Lots of depression issues. I pray hard about this all the time.

[@derrickbarber9958]

Yeah jealousy is an UGLY trait!

[@RacheFdez]

Ronda Butler girl i never been jealous before 😳 but in my actual relationship im freaking jealous like i cant even explain.... but isn’t nothing like that its just the person who im I because he do alot shit to make me jealous and sometimes juts for free! 🙄🙄

[@shug_no_avery8172]

Ronda Butler confirmation

[@gloshelter6064]

Disappointed in this video. It is too heavily loaded against the person feeling jealous as if they have a problem. What about if your partner/spouse is doing something unwisely to cause you to be jealous.?? What if your spouse is a nice person and struggling to say no to people and ends up innocently regularly messaging and meeting up with a single man who is also innocent and just lonely and keeps messaging to arrange weekly walks whilst you’re at work and turns out he. has a habit of doing so with married/engaged women of the years and takes your wife out for a regular coffee and weekly long walk ? They laugh giggle and spend a few hours together while you’re struggling to find the hours to work each day and then come home exhausted he will take the children out and they post photos on Facebook and send them to each other and friends. Yes he needs a girlfriend, yes he needs a job, yes there is nothing of attraction towards each other except to relay the weekly concerns and be good company and exercise but after numerous walks over numerous months, are you saying that your husband is very wrong for feeling jealous of the man’s actions who keeps asking the wife to go for and the numerous messages that they have arranged that each week?? So he is not as a husband allowed to feel jealous that someone has your wife’s attention.? The husband then explains the situation delicately to a few friends who didn’t know plus The Church pastor and wife and explains the regular meeting and all agree that anyone would feel jealous of such and they should stop walking and communicating and he the single band should find men to walk with. Consequently the husband made his feelings known to his wife that he was feeling jealous and did not approve of the walks coffee and cake and picking up and collecting children after walking with them however innocent it was. Praise the Lord ~ Yes they have stopped but it caused some very awkward conversations but began with jealousy for a person and Husband 2 never gets jealous about anybody or anything and has no insecurities especially about his relationship with his wife but he does not want his wife to spend regular time alone with another man. The husband has since changed his work patterns and now spends more time with the family and taking his wife for walks himself and all is well. I think that jealousy was justified it was not a mental illness or a wrong feeling, it was a love for his wife and not wanting a third person In the marriage. Unfortunately your video does not cover any justification for feeling jealous which I think is wrong And justifies any spouse to carry no responsibility for looking out for us both through not doing certain actions which would cause jealousy. ??? Please address this in one of your videos. Surely he spouse cannot cause the other spouse jealousy.

[@LOla-xk7rk]

Miss Iyanla, your make-up is sooooo pretty! You look wonderful.

[@kimsmith819]

She is definitely a classy woman

[@debracurry2013]

@@kimsmith819 , c.

[@pinkandblack29]

Mind reader! I was looking for a video on jealousy because I'm currently trying to overcome insecurity issues self esteem and self Image 💞💖💕😘 thanks

[@Mrs.nkechi]

you'll get there, hun! Sending love your way :)

[@pinkandblack29]

Thannkksss !! 💖

[@eringray3796]

I appreciate your post and this network because there are so many of us that suffer from this and never say anything. I smile a lot and laugh loudly and often, but have had issues with self image and self esteem as well. We will be just fine! God has us!

[@Leona.luna8]

I've never felt so understood. I have jealousy issues and I was in denial for about 2 years. Thank you Iyanla for this video! Your words heal me and make me realize of the inner work that is still necessary for my inner freedom. You also make it very clear that it is all in within myself and that i need more self-awareness and self-accountability. I had a really hard time accepting this. You are a blessing!

[@dorymills5807]

You have been a light in the darkest times of my life. From The Starting Over house, then in the meantime, fix my life and now these videos. thank you!

[@MegaDede1212]

that "jealous freak" part made me laugh uncontrollably 😂 but great advice as always

[@shug_no_avery8172]

Dridri1212 she took me out when she said that 😂😂😂

[@natashahernandez2272]

This is spot on. You are never able to defend yourself. Amen

[@chanellaDaboss]

I agree with everything that was said in this video! It is very helpful! i do believe that there should be a distinction between envy and jealousy. Envy is wanting something that someone has (you don't have it and your mad about it) and jealousy is being afraid of losing sth you value(something you already have but you think it can be gone easily)

[@probi99]

Yes jealousy is an ugly monster. My ex was wounded in a past relationship, as a reault he brought that poison into our relationship -- he used to chk my phone, emails, FB, etc, It was horrible. Had to let him go.

[@ribbitquack]

This is such a great topic. Something that took me a very long time to overcome. This is such a toxic feeling when you let it overwhelm you. Thank you for addressing this important topic!

[@debmee1285]

Such a beautiful smile!

[@jamiengaddis8416]

Inadequate and insecurity is a big thing. Great video again as always. Keep teaching!

[@raymundofantastico]

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE!!! TALES MENSAJES TIENEN MUCHO VALOR!!! A must watch..

[@Iamdivine1306]

Iyanla thank you so much 🙏🏽🙏🏽your Giddiness has helped me so much 💓

[@maridee4476]

I was never jealous until I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. It brought so many fears that I would lose him that I have changed completely. I need to start praying because I hate feeling this way.

[@ceeh8080]

I struggle with self worth issues it seems cause in my relationships the man will cheat and I will leave but keep accepting him back knowing I don't trust him so now I am consistently checking to see if they are telling me the truth.... killing myself esteem oh my goodness ... I keep telling myself it's because I don't want to go from one man to another so I try to work on it... I have also just stayed out of relationships all together to be alone for years at a time but keep drawing the same thing back into my life.... how do I break the cycle

[@Caprivlogs]

you are afraid to be alone, you have to decide that you are gonna stop. seek professional help and find people who are kind and supportive of you.

[@slimmama84]

CEE H here's a thought...quit associating yourself with men and people period that DON'T have good intents of being in your life. Sidenote: Just know when to excuse yourself and cut people off.

[@slimmama84]

CEE H And take out the time to be alone.Self reflection works wonders.I'm so serious.You have to learn how to be by yourself in life..and pray🙏

[@ceeh8080]

honestly I don't have a fear of being alone that's when I am at my best that's my comfort zone I have a trust issue so I push folks away when I have feel betrayed but time I tried to change but I don't trust him

[@ceeh8080]

alone I can do

[@laquisha630]

Watching this episode was like having a mirror and spotlight held up to my foolishness! I was NOT ready but I thank you anyway, Iyanla! I have got some work to do!

[@theodoresous3756]

thank you so much for sharing your wisdom... I literally absorb everything you say and put it in my life, to help first ME and then others...! thank you Iyanla...

[@44Stephieb]

Great info and love your makeup!

[@rejee2242]

I'm am overwhelmed with emotions I was struggling with this. last year was the hardest so many why's for myself. The main why was why am I the only one that is feeling this way. Everyday its a spiritual warfare. Thank you ladies.

[@jovileewilliams6834]

I am the jealous person and you said it all.. thank you. I honestly feel like I have lost myself. God help me change anf resolve all my issues :'l

[@athaliamodiba585]

I am all those things she mentioned!! Realising how deeply rooted is so insane! Jesus help me 🙏🏽😭

[@Daniel-dl6cu]

I feel jealous when I see others making friends easily and in loving communities and groups of people. It's because I strongly desire that as well and feel as if God or the world is not letting me have it right now and everyone else around me has it . I feel very isolated at the moment and so disconnected from people and like I haven't found my community yet. Due to uncontrollable circumstances (such as corona and being tied to home while others get to return to some form of normal ) I haven't had the opportunity as others in my life to meet new people and grow and I just feel very left behind. So I'm trying to better myself and be patient but it's one of the hardest emotions and situations to deal with because not only do you feel bitter towards the people you love most but it worsens your insecurities and self hate. It's a very bad and dangerous cycle to stay in. I'm trying to remember that we each have blessings at different timings like Iyanla said and see jealousy for what it is, an emotion and not one that has to overtake you.

[@kenyajohnson542]

Dealing with my insecurities and jealousy. Middle child, lost of parents, divorce and lose of child. Losing love and don't know why. Painfully...

[@caitlinhaddox3167]

I love your motherly advice and wisdom. Its a chance to get what ive missed

[@teathepot525]

Thank you beloved, you really helping me fix my character, because it needs a lot of work.

[@kanikaghai4910]

Beautiful ma'am! Thank you so much for enlightening everyone. You are truly amazing and a blessing :)

[@kirigoemima]

this has been helping so much, thank you

[@andreazkimber1726]

Thank God I found your videos I needed these.

[@tricied155]

this is sooo good! i really hope the person that recommended this to me take notes... thanks iyanla

[@Elesia39]

Thank you Iyanla, this helped me so much. I have jealous issues and so does my boyfriend, I am working on mine, but hopefully as I continue to not dismiss it and use the keys you just stated, I believe we will do good.

[@jonaebaskin675]

Nothing but the truth.

[@djvaughn2367]

I needed to check myself lol, thank you so much! blessings on blessings 💞 🙏

[@larcinalesterlester410]

DJ Vaughn ;

[@2flyforyou950]

You truly exemplify what it is to be a queen...... It's breathtaking!

[@drzfinezt180]

Wonderful topic and right on time! : ) Bless you dear priestess!

[@tb8827]

My husband has asked me to deal with women who make him uncomfortable. I think sometimes people get it wrong because they are delusional. It isn't always jealousy.

[@ragingphoinix9144]

Fucking this.

[@shanellvioletslecarr2689]

A Spade is a spade... and I m so Thanksful GOD intervened in my life for that to be my lesson on Earth. My Spirit is everthemore Strengthened by it. Hallelujah! Praise God.

[@nikkijubilant]

I love your book which I discovered years ago. I can't remember the title, but I devoured it at a bus stop in the cold here in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. So happy and grateful to discover your KZbin channel. God Bless you :)

[@TamikaTheCreative]

Such wisdom you share with us, thank you! The many seeds you are planting, your legacy will live on. God bless you and your family.

[@susaryla]

Jealousy is a very distracting and harmful thing to yourself and others, and I believe it is the ego that drives it, the person has an unrealistic setting or view in the head about themselves and when someone else match it or is different the ego sets in and jealousy or other emotion (sadness or anger). If you are contempt with who you are, truly love yourself then the jealously will be less or seise to exist at all. I understand when you get dumped (by a loved one, friend or partner) the jealousy kicks in in all of us (because to be loved by someone is a receipt saying that we are worth something), but when you feel jealousy among friends and steady boyfriends then you need to make some effort and work with yourself Your worth comes from inside, it is real.

[@michellelogha787]

Thank you so much. I have being trying to over come a jealous person & this has really helped. You're the best 👍

[@faithmakhubele8505]

This is such an amazing talk. Thank you!

[@LoverOfBeauty18]

This is so on time! ❤ I feel the pain in my core.

[@missBonita318]

Beautiful Iyanla, your wisdom is oh so helpful. Thank you & Bless you for helping us to see how we can become more loving, kind, sane individuals

[@Theinsomniac826]

Iyanla you are a gift from God. I am grateful. Thank you. 😊

[@sarah_novio]

Thank you for your videos ❤❤❤

[@nicolemcintosh2403]

what about when you have been hurt and cheated on before. how can i get pass that?

[@niecybaby1960]

Nicole Mcintosh keep looking at lyanla show she tells you how to overcome this stuff!

[@slimmama84]

Nicole Mcintosh Hey girl..I've been there and this is what I did: I wrote down all the Good things about that person ,then I wrote down the Bad , myself included.When i was done writing, Gurrrrrrllllllllll...the Bad things outweighed the Good. I realized that i was worth way more, than what I've been accepting throughout my entire life! Isn't that funny?? One bad relationship made me realize how unenlightened I was😕. Now I got the Juice😂😂.Keep your head up,along with tour confidence and self esteem.

[@michellemoss3779]

Spot on!!! Love you to life Ms Iyanla!!!

[@nelliehoosong7333]

What God has for me its for me. Thank you my Queen. You are truly admired.

[@leasah1197]

I need to listen to this everyday!

[@alyssad.4981]

Thank you so much Iyanla! You're amazing ❤

[@shannen_sama]

Thank u for sharing your knowledge has changed my life sooo much

[@BriaBarrows]

It’s definitely one of the most deadly emotions and it truly runs mind relationships. It also eats at you

[@5339ecci]

On Point...ThankYou!!!!

[@edric01prim77]

love it. on point like always!!

[@PaulinaAmaralMedeiros]

Wow, awesome video, easily explained and so true.

[@user-vp1pj3xb7s]

looooove you 😍😍😍 sending love from middle east 😚😚😚

[@KimbradleyMasterGardener]

So cool you are watching Iyanla from the Middle East!

[@Officialrexxxmusic]

God bless you Iyanla

[@eringray3796]

This was really deep and was also really a blessing...Thank you, Beloved! :-)

[@minelvamartijn5064]

Miss Iyanla you are the best! I love you so much, thank you

[@kaedeess3266]

Only a couple of minutes in & already I feel I must go on a spiritual + consumption detox. I’m not prone to material jealousies, but do find myself feeling jealous that others have mothers whilst mine died when I was 6. I know it isn’t healthy & would never wish for someone to lose their mom, but I feel so alone. 😞 I’m going to commit to fixing this jealousy.

[@Leona.luna8]

how is your healing process going?

[@brandondsolis]

she saves lives

[@cozy.color.palette]

Thank You Lord!

[@minecraftluva73]

hey alot of people need to watch this. maybe she will move on.

[@raymundofantastico]

What what EVERYONE must watch this... Lol

[@tb8827]

Maybe she will. Jealous people can be terrible.

[@zeea6507]

Awesome video thanks for sharing. There is enough for everyone. I get jealous of successful people but I am doing well myself. I need to stop comparing myself to others, growing up in a Nigerian home in my younger years comparison was done regularly, I had a cousin living with us 2 weeks older than me and we were constantly compared. I am enough. I will work on myself no fear, insecurity and I trust God. He shall perfect all that concerns me. Social media nowadays also seeing others have what you so badly want it is well. My blessing is mine there is enough for everyone. Stay blessed everyone!!!

[@Jasmine-rw2xu]

Wow!! Thank you! 🙏🏽🤗❤

[@ceiamyatt157]

If you had the chance to meet the other mother of his other children an you really don't have the time to repeat the same pattern as your parents did so you choose to change the game

[@jeanellreynolds7291]

Love your channel

[@mchljns]

...Excellent advice !!! #ThankYou

[@akstylez_ak5037]

wow this is amazing Ms. Iyanla 😍😍😍

[@TheSuperbeauty24]

I literally can't stand being around women at all because of the looks they give or what they say to me. Just mean spirited things for no reason even when I would go outta my way to be overly nice to them it never helped. Sick of jealous people fr

[@BriaBarrows]

That’s inner work that they need to do. Keep shining

[@marsharowaihy6725]

I wish I knew what jealously meant or felt like, cause I’m serious I don’t think I have ever been jealous. I’m not saying this to say it, but the only thing I can say is jealously when my ex and I broke up and I felt intimidated by the girl he liked? I didn’t think she had anything that I didn’t have, besides a pregnant 🤰 body at the time & she was smaller than me. I didn’t dislike her, she wasn’t my type, but never felt ill attention, or thought she was better than me. Can somebody explain

[@judithgregoire1788]

Gorgeous makeup😍😘❤️🙏🏾

[@Anna-gi4oq]

Thank you 🙏

[@carolpetersen7614]

Hi beautiful iyanla, thank you so much for your life's class, The R Spot on JEALOUSY, it is truly a trap which is preventing us from making this world a better place..... #jealousyistheworld'sd#1disease

[@neemakilomoni4258]

Thanks so much lyanla much love ❤️😘😘

[@crrj611]

Thanks Iyanla! How do we encourage ourselves while we do our work? I find that by doing my work so much is coming up that needs to be worked through that it discourages me sometimes and I fear that I'll never be healed. Any advice?

[@Caprivlogs]

you need support from your friends or family. and stop telling yourself that you will never be healed. you can also try tapping

[@jeanellreynolds7291]

Very helpful.

[@lalaalin5919]

Thank you 😍😍😍

[@nabilaalbab]

Thank u so much.

[@ceiamyatt157]

Yes it did thank you so much Sincerely Ceia Myliaah Myatt

[@StartheCreoleQueen]

This is true your own thought's manifest thing's that don't exist

[@ladyclarke9903]

I'm NOT in total agreement with this post. Trust Your Instincts! Where there's smoke there's fire‼ Periodttt!

[@lynndaughrity3183]

So powerful❤️❤️❤️👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❤️❤️❤️❤️💝💛💚

[@maykayvn]

💘 her

[@millicentokaijah6310]

I love you Ma!I appreciate everything about you and all you say😘,I want to be like you when I grow UP - FOREVER YOUNG.

[@sexislimdiva]

Thank you

[@almaza2692]

Thank you.

[@appleloniaday7492]

I feel as if I’m a Magnet for people who has a spirit of jealousy. It’s strange and painful. I can have a close friend that I support and encourage whenever things goes well for them but the moment something good comes my way their faces and attitude changes towards me. I can tell stories and stories of times that it has happened. I’m beginning to think that it’s something wrong me somehow. I’m trying to keep to myself nowadays. Is. There anyone that can help shed some light on what might going on in my case.

[@sleekmodernchic]

Applelonia Day there's nothing wrong with you.I've had countless experiences with jealous women, who are relentless in their jealousy. I feel that you probably have traits they wish for themselves. I have learned to hold my head up, and protect myself from these women. Also never make yourself smaller for their comfort, they will fabricate other reasons to be jealous.

[@appleloniaday7492]

sleekmodernchic luxe thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my question. I’ve been eagerly awaiting a word from anyone, anywhere because what I was going though was getting to be too much to bear. I been wondering how to make myself smaller someone as not become a threat to anyone. However, my approach from now on will be, to hold my head up and let the haters hate. Thanks again for shedding some light on this for me...

[@sleekmodernchic]

Applelonia Day glad I could spread some love and not hate. It took me getting into my 40's to realize that jealous people are deeply damaged, and its not your job to fix that damage. Be your best "you," and boldly face jealous haters, they are cowards. If you call them on their BS, they almost always back off, took my whole life to realize this. Edit that non-supportive frenemy from your life, she's NOT your friend. It takes some time, but you will find supportive people. I wish you the very, very best.

[@appleloniaday7492]

sleekmodernchic luxe you have no idea how much your words have encouraged and empowered me. Thanks again and have a blessed New Year!

[@andreak765]

Thank you :)

[@kenyettamitchell3639]

This is me definitely

[@charlita25]

No wonder this is a SIN

[@shondellbutler2188]

Love this