The Mammal and The Reptile - A Painful Story

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If ya nasty!
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Patreon:
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(Thank you to the following, for bringing this to my attention:
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Audio:
• ROYALTY FREE Classical...
Hi, Al. This video is a dub of a meme essay paper about "The Mammal and The Reptile - A Painful Story". Please show it to people who will like it. Thank you.

[@JeaneyCollects]

If you feel like activating your funny receptors some more, then check out Phil's other fantastic material at the following links: KZbin - kzbin.info Twitter - twitter.com/PhilJamesson If ya nasty!

[@queenoforeos3057]

Not Since the Accident.

[@OfficialCubey]

Hi.

[@rgal]

@@queenoforeos3057 That's why I don't go to Denny's anymore.

[@OfficialCubey]

​@@rgalIf ya nasty, then ya do.

[@pranavkarmarkar]

Perchance.

[@BossEvasion]

He wasn’t wrong, it was a very painful story.

[@tncorgi92]

He wasn't wrong about Denny's either.

[@Brass319]

I'm sure whatever made them vow to never return to denny's was even more painful

[@GarryTale]

Thats why he don't go to Denny's anymore

[@MyVanir]

Did reading it inspire your art?

[@avauntic]

Painful to read, lol

[@albertskoften1452]

This is genuinely a better piece of philosophy than the actual philosophy paper he wrote.

[@lucasurquiza554]

Perchance

[@mr.raphael1507]

If you’re nasty

[@staceys5447]

Keep it up baby!

[@The_OwO_Shogun]

That’s why I don’t go to dennys anymore :(

[@lukejensen9933]

Everyone knows philosophy is cool as fuck

[@John73John]

He's saying "If ya nasty" because someone told him he couldn't just say "perchance"

[@flyignpig4365]

"Some believe that pain inspires art. [...] Creation is an inviolate act, and those searching for the divine need not descend to Hell for fuel." Quite a beautiful quote actually.

[@JaddarJexiszuir]

That's why I don't go to Denny's anymore.

[@BananaWasTaken]

If ya nasty

[@ConvenientLamp]

Yowza!

[@peterjohansson1828]

would fit perfectly in a philosophy paper i'm sure, perchance.

[@amazingfireboy1848]

Jar Jar Bink

[@bogafe]

The sequel that nobody deserved, but everybody needed

[@ultatack6020]

Perchance.

[@MrAlexo01]

Wait is that actually the same person that did the perchance one?

[@kot4311]

He put the same name

[@John73John]

@@ultatack6020 You can't just say "perchance".

[@BananaWasTaken]

If ya nasty

[@supercat4539]

He’s such a master writer that he switched from mammals and reptiles to pain receptors and dissections to the utter horror of Denny’s.

[@albertskoften1452]

It's always sunny at Denny's.

[@thewatcherinthecloud]

​@@albertskoften1452if ya nasty

[@iknowthisisforLKR]

perchance

[@riv3r_mango705]

If ya nasty

[@ohboy9077]

HEHEHEHE

[@AinoHiat]

I love it when my students turn in BS assignments. Some of my recent favorites include a rather elaborate, carefully crafted website called "The dirty dishes in my sink and how I will deal with them", and another one dedicated to why spinach soup is the source of all evil. They did their web design neatly so no complaints here.

[@Diabhork]

My English teacher gave me a decent grade for writing five paragraphs of pure hate speech against the yellow menace -- corn. It's disgusting and so are its followers.

[@angelapuzzle]

I wouldn't care about the BS and the jokes as long as it complies with the instructions

[@PieALaMode]

I think he might be on to something there with the spinach soup

[@youssefbencheikh8637]

​@@PieALaModenow i want to know how he deals with the dirty dishes in his sink.

[@mumalam672]

​@@PieALaModeI love spinach soup if it's made with garlic, onions & extra virgin olive oil on top 🤤😋

[@mynameisfoxxy6110]

My favorite part is the teacher correcting "Jar Jar Bink" to "Jar Jar Binks". Professionalism.

[@ohboy9077]

I guess you could say that max stirred the bot pot

[@ohboy9077]

1:52

[@JansArchiveActual]

And then Phil comes back with the "If you are nasty!".

[@pranavkarmarkar]

Did I know that we would get a Phil Jamesson sequel? Perchance.

[@comet1269]

If ya nasty

[@1h8numb3rs]

​@@comet1269Do not call the commenter nasty

[@noahtaylor1721]

@@1h8numb3rsThat’s why I don’t go to Denny’s anymore

[@usernameisallfull]

@@1h8numb3rs perchance.

[@catsonbrooms]

The lifekind.

[@LeoparDusk]

The gentle and disappointed delivery of “I know” is what gets me.

[@amandapanda5087]

Lol

[@rosieleaverton]

"When you get hurt, you are less likely to continue or repeat the behavior that hurt you." _(good)_ "That's why I don't go to Denny's anymore." _:(_

[@FishbedMyBeloved]

The sheer exasperation

[@koilol1736]

☹️

[@johnabyss8566]

Phil Jamesson is truly one of the writers of all time. Perchance. If you are nasty

[@amandapanda5087]

The professors just don't understand him. Perchance. If ya nasty

[@informitas0117]

Do not call the reader nasty.

[@theMyRadiowasTaken]

thats why i dont go to dennys anymore

[@thecatbrat42]

He actually has a youtube channel

[@natgrant1364]

Perchance.

[@SuperDZ555]

I never thought Phil Jamesson would return. Not since he left his place of comfort to stomp a turty, and ESPECIALLY not since The Accident. However, his return is a Christmas miracle, almost as mythical as the nonexistent Dr. Pepper. Perchance.

[@staceys5447]

Maybe that monster energy and adhd medicine he took before writing his rosa parks essay helped him focus on what his true passions were

[@thewatcherinthecloud]

Since he always fails his essays, and as long as he doesn't drop out of school, we can assume he'll keep retaking his subjects, and thus continue to write brilliant essays for the world to enjoy. Perchance.

[@alexrogers777]

you can't just say perchance

[@HiSodiumContent]

​@𝔞𝔩𝔢𝔵𝔯𝔬𝔤𝔢𝔯𝔰777 𝔓𝔢𝔯𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲 𝔡𝔬𝔰𝔱 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰𝔱 𝔱𝔬𝔬 𝔪𝔲𝔠𝔥, 𝔞𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔶 𝔞𝔠𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰𝔱 𝔬𝔭𝔢𝔫𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲 𝔱𝔬 𝔣𝔲𝔯𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔲𝔰𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔟𝔦𝔞𝔤𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡𝔰𝔱 𝔡𝔢𝔱𝔢𝔰𝔱.

[@CombustibleLemon77]

YOU CANT JUST SAY "PERCHANCE"

[@Soviniy]

As a college student, I cry for the writer's loss of all marks. As a tired professor, I would consider this submission top tier entertainment.

[@bensonfitch6697]

I love these nonsensical essays. Shows me I could be doing a lot worse as far as academic writing.

[@publicthrone1496]

i wonder how bad his Denny's experience must have been to warrant such disdain for them

[@amandapanda5087]

I wonder as well

[@SethbotStar]

I mean it *is* a Denny's, what more explanation do you need?

[@ictogon]

Bro has never been to a Denny's

[@BirdDeadWorld]

That's why I don't go to Denny's anymore, not since...the accident

[@HeliosimWorld]

I wonder what happened Phil Jameson at Denny's. It clearly impacted him deeply, as he no longer uses "Perchance".

[@NeneSimone]

It must be NASTY.

[@killer1gamer1]

i love how you covered the F in a way that'd make us think it's an A, which is what he SHOULD have gotten by the way

[@elplaceholder]

Yeah, if it was a philosophy class

[@polocatfan]

I find it funny the actual points this guy gave of "everything can be linked to pain in some form" and "pain can inspire art" were both labeled as off topic, but they didn't have any problems with him using scientist as an example for a mammal.

[@ictogon]

Ok then give me an example of a non-mammalian scientist

[@rennoc6478]

@@ictogonthat depends on your definition of scientist, if you define scientist as a profession, then you would be right. If ya nasty and define a scientist as an organism who dedicates their life to learning, then things get complicated.

[@ictogon]

@@rennoc6478 bitch there ain't no god damn turtles dedicating their life to learning

[@justanormalyoutubeuser3868]

​@@ictogon Jar Jar Bink

[@witthyhumpleton3514]

@@rennoc6478 Well a scientist is someone who uses the scientific method to prove and disprove hypotheses and does research.

[@tahskajuha]

As an Ultrakill player, descending to Hell for fuel searching for the divine is literally what I need to do

[@monishrules6580]

Ultrakill players rise up and schrodingle everyone

[@durere]

do you squash hell turts while you're at it?

[@Herra_K]

​@@durereyes.

[@coldguy707]

@@durerePerchance.

[@LucasGleason]

Oh god they're here, and they *nasty*

[@RetroBlockade]

The sequel we didn't know we needed. Perchance. If ya nasty!

[@user-me3ws9ve5g]

don't call the commenter nasty and you can't just say perchance

[@scooble_]

The hard hitting line of “there is naught in this world but pain” followed up by talking about pain receptors is truly a transition

[@raynmanshorts9275]

"Those searching for the divine need not descend to Hell for fuel." The greatest philosopher of our time.

[@Ravie3]

“One’s got cold blood, and one’s got warm? But who is the little egg, and who is the little worm?” Incredible poem.

[@thatguyoverther6019]

"If ya nasty" is the new "perchance"

[@DavidCornell1]

I like how the red pen person is MORE of a Star Wars geek than the author, correctly writing “Binks” while the author wrote “Bink” twice

[@publicthrone1496]

Phil Jameson hitting us with yet another banger

[@Zephyr314]

If you are nasty, perchance.

[@The21stGamer]

This simultaneously includes science, art, philosophy, history, and theology (?). Truly brilliant, perchance.

[@Miss_Doctype]

Finally another Phil Jameson sequel

[@Krumpins]

The funniest thing for me about the student, including Jar Jar as a mammal and a reptile, is that he's an alien. So, even if he was real, it'd still be wrong to mark him down as either.

[@characookie241]

Well, he'd still be an animal, so he could be either or neither.

[@Krumpins]

@characookie241 he's from an alien planet that evolved life independently from ours, with its own unique animal kingdoms. So, even if he has traits similar to that of reptiles or mammals, that would just be an example of convergent evolution and wouldn't make him either category of animal.

[@amberhide04]

@@characookie241 would he though? alien life would probably be some different thing (right?). like, i'm not an evolutionary biology expert but i'm pretty sure animals are defined by pretty specific characteristics and the chances of another life form indepently evolving into an animal instead of being traced back to a common ancestor is like, basically statistic impossibility, so jar jar binks is probably **something**, no idea what he is though

[@amberhide04]

@@Krumpins exactly

[@CatgirlExplise6039]

@@Krumpins It is completely impossible to determine if an alien could be a ´mammal´ or ´reptile´ as they only have meanings that matter to humans, and thus, an alien entity, itself, would decide if were to be classified as a ´human´ and/or ´reptile´ It is completley impossible to even fathom how the Alien would want to be seen as, from the perspective of us.

[@PenguinEconomics-st2ws]

If ya nasty, perchance.

[@Mrnotpib]

You don’t just say “perchance”

[@John73John]

@@Mrnotpib You can if ya nasty!

[@avocado8116]

The Denny's comments alone makes this deserving of an A.

[@witthyhumpleton3514]

I firmly believe the :( is not a sign of exasperation, but just the teacher remembering what happened at Denny's and a sign of sadness when Phil brought it up again.

[@newwho469]

"Creation is an inviolate act, and those searching for the divine need not descend to Hell for fuel" is a crazy follow-up to statements such as "If you are nasty" and "Get 'em outta here"

[@twistedcoasters1533]

Return of the king, Phil Jameson you are legend. Perchance.

[@maker0824]

We are blessed with another work of art from the Mario The Man guy

[@aidanvannynatten2787]

Some of my favorite parts of this: 1. The teacher spells Jar Jar’s name correctly in the comment, thus soft correcting that soft inaccuracy 2. The ‘If you are nasty’ (the second one) is so structurally beautiful bc it reads as if Phil had a premonition of the feedback for the first ‘if ya nasty!’ and passive aggressively adjusted for it by just correcting the grammar (ditto for the repetition of the Denny’s deet, except that one mainly just comes thru the repetition itself and Jeaney’s inflection change), and the way the teacher commented on the thing below it with ‘off-topic’ makes it look like that comment was made on ‘if you are nasty’ as a passive aggressive comeback to the correction from the ‘Don’t call the reader nasty’ comment 3. It’s called a story, but there’s not rly much of a narrative (unless you wanna be generous with that word) 4. I love the adorably humble ‘Hm?’ that Jeaney gives to the question mark at the beginning cuz it’s such a teacher ‘Are we sure about this?’ sound and idk how he got that so perfectly with one non-speaking syllable 5. It took longer than I care to admit for the ‘painful story’ pun(?) to sink in 6. The fact that the job title ‘scientist’ rather than homosapien or even human being is the ‘famous mammal’ listed with ‘dog’ is so stupid but in such a calculated way and it’s just perfect 7. The teacher needs no reassurance that Phil wrote the opening poem, but is genuinely at odds over whether the ‘descend to Hell for fuel’ part is an incisive but laboriously heavy-handed quote from some piece of High Middle Ages or Renaissance literature that Phil integrated into his essay in a plagiaristic way, or some random gobbledygook Phil pulled out of his ass just like the rest of the essay which also came off as being way more high-minded than it should’ve been (also much like certain parts of the rest of the essay)

[@kiraoshiro9251]

suddenly feel a lot more confident in my writing abilities.. ty phil

[@DUKE_of_RAMBLE]

I love that the teacher was so done with them by the midway point, they couldn't be bothered to provide helpful criticism and simply opted for the age old "☹️" to express their utter disappointment! 😂 _(also, it's videos like these that make me so happy I found Jeaney's channel 😊)_

[@littlehoracioooo]

Phil Jamesson is the best at writing essays, change my mind.

[@CoolLookinPea]

He even wrote a poem and everything, come on, he’s the mastermind of our generation

[@TalleyBellum]

God I need "That's why I don't go to Denny's anymore"

[@lucasurquiza554]

"Phil Jamesson" OUR KING HAS RETURNED!

[@Emanuel08820]

You'd think Phil would get it together, having taken 200 biology classes prior to this one

[@DereC519]

Your video will make a fine addition to my "KZbin algorithm strikes again" collection

[@JoLiKMC]

I freaking love these. I don't know why, but seeing someone's graded report paper with annotations, like this, is just so darn fun to me!

[@bionicbirb9104]

Going to hell in search of fuel? Sounds like ULTRAKILL!

[@phasedcloak2835]

if there is anything i learn from this guy writings, is that I won't be going to Denny's anytime soon ...and that Jar Jar Bink's is both reptile & mammal

[@tacopizzasandwich621]

Thank you Phil Jamesson for blessing us once again

[@Dacronhai]

I'm a third semester biology student and this was flawless

[@pcsecuritychannel]

If he submitted that in literature class instead he would have got an A+.

[@memesifoundonline]

He finally made a sequel!!!! Perchance.

[@nauticaltardigrade7520]

I love that the censoring of the grade leaves the possibility for an A open

[@avauntic]

This gives me severe "Mario the man" energy 😂

[@decomposedcorpse5186]

same author

[@fiddleriddlediddlediddle]

The teacher has no imagination. Obviously the little worm was the friends we made along the way.

[@Konpekikaminari]

This would be a fine addition to the essay collection, alongside "Mario, the idea vs. the man", perchance, if ya nasty

[@amandahugankiss4110]

he turned something in. beats half his peers already.

[@heroponriki518]

the best part is the disregard of second and first person usage

[@psychoh7329]

How to end a sentence: Thats why i never go to dennys anymore. ***Not since the incident***

[@thenamestails7152]

0:43 bro went British - Irish - British in matter of seconds

[@reverieanimates887]

“Perchance.” Comes with a sequel. “If ya nasty.”

[@stanislavkorniienko1523]

Oh, Phil Jamesen...Hope he has a lot of this because this shit is great😂

[@heyoyo10gaming4]

Phil Jameson back at it again! Keep it up, baby! Perchance.

[@zeke_the_robot]

OH i remember seeing this thing before and some dude said they wanted Jeaney to read it, i think he will be very exited to see this!

[@felipefreddo5370]

Phil Jamesson is a goddamn genius of writing

[@currykingwurst6393]

Well, duh. Have you ever watched any of his skits?

[@WingsOfKarma]

This makes me want to MANKIND IS DEAD. BLOOD IS FUEL. HELL IS FULL. If ya nasty.

[@BasedBelkan8492]

the text was so legendary 8 people had to bring this to your attention me included, if ya nasty

[@Zer0Main43]

The sequel to “you can’t just say ‘perchance’” we didn’t know we needed

[@GloomyFish]

"Jar Jar Binks is not real" yeah he was talking about Jar Jar Bink. Massive difference.

[@radioactiveassassin5218]

I love how how you made it sound as if the writer was reciting it and the teacher was reacting to it as he was saying that.

[@ImTheGuy]

"For those searching for the divine have no need to decended to hell for fuel" V1: Nuh uh

[@vk-fb4ox]

The legendary Phil Jamesson is back

[@TheKz262]

Th return of Phil Jameson. What a day to be alive

[@gamz.]

"and those searching for the divine need not descend to hell for fuel" ULTRAKILL REFERENCE?

[@TheOtherTS]

Finally another work by a true literary marvel. Perchance.

[@sketchyskies8531]

I love the little 🙁 at one point in the feedback

[@AstroVanilla]

I love the teacher's hopeful "Good" being immediately crushed by "Thats why I dont go to Denny's anymore."

[@BazukinBelyugovich]

More Phil content! Loved his channel from years ago, too bad he hasn't posted anything in months (the "15 years later with no CGI" makes for a fantastic last video)

[@currykingwurst6393]

He's actually streaming on Twitch these days.

[@mrclownyclown_]

There's really some profound and hilarious stuff in there.

[@BlouePickdMan]

I think its even better how he is the same person who wrote Mario the idea vs mario the man

[@the-X-Guy]

Mario the idea vs Mario the man.....

[@propaul1369]

"If you are nasty" gonna start including that on random phrases

[@razorback8300]

I have a suspicion that the hell for fuel part is an ultra kill reference

[@DOOT_II]

"need not descend to hell for fuel" ULTRAKILL

[@benficademacaufan]

It’s actually a talent to write like this, it’s more entertaining and if a book was like this, I might read it

[@ChickenCoop82]

That’s why I don’t go to Denny’s anymore, perchance

[@SpammingY-pp2ru]

Perchance. (If ya know ya know.)

[@MrFlame-zk5cy]

And thats why i dont go to dennys anymore feels like an abridged series recurring gag

[@queenchaosyet]

The use of repetition in this poem is profound! I can see the direct impact that the second “if ya nasty” had on the narrative!

[@joshslater2426]

At long last, the sequel to Mario the idea vs. Mario the man. Perchance. We must always treasure these essays, if ya are nasty.

[@babysleepysheepyrainbow]

If ya nasty will now be in my daily lexicon

[@tverdyznaqs]

bro wrote a standup monologue and turned it in as an essay

[@daandanx]

It's been 3 monts and suddenly, the phrase "if ya nasty" floods back into my brain. Love it.

[@Malboop]

Truly beautiful story, this is movie type material in every fashion. Love it Mr. Phil.

[@SuperPaperMarioMovieGuy]

Why does this remind me of that "100 years ago" poem Rodrick wrote in Diary of a Wimpy Kid?

[@DE23]

Opening with, "There is naught in this world but pain." and then immediately starting to talk about pain receptors is a galaxy brain writing decision.

[@hurlemort_]

I would’ve burst out of laughter if this ended with ‘perchance’