Best Phrases to Silence Narcissistic Parents and Protect Your Emotional Peace

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@janiebuck2938]

I am 63, and until about 3yrs. ago, I wasn't sure what sort of disorder my Mom was suffering from. Her moods swing wildly, she feels sorry for herself when the sorrow should be about the other person she has hurt, she hears things, see things, smell things, that aren't there. I have finally figured out that as a child the trauma I felt was a result of my Mom's behavior. I still have problems with her. She is 90.

[@t-knitting]

To a T, I can relate to your story because mine is veeery similar. I'm 60, she is 88 and still expects and tries to control and manipulate me

[@blanchesplace]

Mine too

[@TM-dh8um]

I can also relate. I'm 60 and my mother is 101. I came home from where I've been living abroad (now I know why!) for the last 25 years, for a short visit (a month at most) thinking I'd be taking care of mum while I am staying at her house. That was 2.5 years ago. I've been effectively trapped in the full-time role as her unpaid carer ever since, and every day (despite my having learned so much about self-differentiation from Jerry's content) she still tries to get me back under her control and re-enmesh me with the rest of the family. This need to control and manipulate emotionally, I now understand, was always part of her relationship with all of us. She really didn't like it when I started to get the better of her with language and actions, and I think she'll probably never give up trying. As long as you're obliged to be around each other, it will never end.

[@AUSTRALIANAMADE]

You can live now with a clearer mind.

[@athena3865]

Sounds like my late mother. She passed almost two years ago, at 87. Looking back, I realize she was very likely undiagnosed ASD who developed many PDs to cope; she had a traumatic childhood and had very odd, shallow behavior and atypical eye contact, though masked at will. She terrorized her daughters and my son. I am finally healing at 66, and Jerry's work has been the most helpful.

[@jenniferb4118]

I recently had a great opportunity to use the phrase "I see it differently" - it felt SO good to say that, hold my ground, and not get reactive. Their response was classic: "what's to see differently???" BINGO. They don't understand, and they NEVER will. And now I know that it's not my job to try to get them to see anything, but to hold on to my SELF. Thank you Jerry, I have learned so much from you.

[@HerbieJames]

Thanks ❤

[@mwxyz828]

This sounds EXACTLY like a conversation I just had with my dad when he tried to tell me I “have” to “acknowledge family”. I politely told him I “acknowledge” them only as “relatives” due to our tiny amount of shared centimorgans of DNA but they are not my “family”. He kept trying to go back and forth with me. I repeated myself until he backed down. I won’t be gaslit into “forgiving” and allowing harmful people close enough to harm me in any way ever again. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation and access.

[@Billn1971]

My gaslighting narcissistic father refuses to understand anything. It's always about him. He gets offended and upset when I stand by my boundaries. So sick of his crap.

[@David_Goman]

Same about my dad ❤😢​@@Billn1971

[@Dee33636]

@@mwxyz828 Bravo you warrior & survivor. The gaslighting, shame & blame- shifting is mind boggling.

[@Jeanie-m8q]

Had a great interaction with my mom: she had just given one of those vague meaningless apologies, and I proceeded to tell her that I had forgiven her for what she specifically did. Of course, then she had to defend what she did because she hadn’t meant to apologize for that. I interrupted her and said mom I forgive you. It’s over and I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. If you continue to talk about it, I will hang up. She replied well then you’re going to have to hang up because…. And I did. I hung up. The words that came to me after that were “there’s a new sheriff in town.”😂

[@ckelley8275]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@TheGreenTiger14]

So happy for you!

[@Ingerid772]

Good for you bc she would only mean and say you are sick , nervous , unpleasant and should shame talking like that . ............ my mother would have bombarded me . She is malign .

[@conny.rapp.tattoo]

That was awesome 🎉😃 i am proud of you, internet stranger! Will try this with my mom, among the stuff to be forgiven is: she didn't believe me when I told her (at adult age) that grandmother thrashed me at ca 10yrs for not wanting to go to bed at 7pm when I was used to 9-10pm (mom was on vacation so I had to sleep at my grandmother)

[@darkhorse-tryus]

this man will help. i promise you. his teachings are survivor based. well worth supporting him.

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for your support!

[@darkhorse-tryus]

@jerrywise ty, for real. you're helping so many of us. ty!!!

[@pipedream3]

I visualize the narcissist as a whirlpool, vortex or black hole. As long as I stay mentally and emotionally at a safe distance, I will be able to manage my dialogs with him/her, and reinforce my own self. If I get too close, I feel myself getting "pulled in" to their chaos.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

To use the "War Games" phrase, "To Win Is Not To Play", I don't "play" my narc dad's sick "games", via no-contact, to protect myself!

[@christinacatalano]

I blocked them all this whole Christmas week just for peace. Worked beautifully and I feel great.

[@denisebiddick8877]

Me too present to myself

[@katdavenport6698]

Same. The day after Christmas. Anxiety is driving me up a wall but it HAS to be this way for anything to change or to have a chance to heal. Best of luck on your no contact journey too🫶

[@Dee33636]

@@katdavenport6698 This took courage & choosing yourself over your toxic family. Believe it or not, the anxiety will dissipate & become manageable, & inner peace will prance into your life with moments of random childlike glee. I’ve given myself permission to feel all kinds of lovely ( & not so lovely) things…. since going mostly no contact. It absolutely is a journey toward becoming authentically mySelf. Good luck to all who read this. We are better off being our own flawed selves than a miserable shell of a victim surrounded by psychic bullies.

[@Cinephile227]

Good for you! My narc dad has been love bombing me up until Xmas. When I fell for it and realized what he did, I rejected his next love bomb. He then ignored me on Xmas, as did the rest of my family. I realized it was all just a way for him to get control back after I set boundaries.

[@christinacatalano]

@@Cinephile227 omg. Same, but a bit different. My stepdad and mom convinced me to break my lease and move home to improve my mental health from living in the city. This was in October. They kicked me out a week before Christmas, forcing me to live with a friend. Aka- homeless. I lost 10 lbs in those 60 days, had migraines, wasn’t allowed sleep past 7 am, walking on eggshells to appease him. It was hell. Good luck honey ❤

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

Analyzing & measuring interactions with a narcissistic person - the mental effort required to constantly be on guard, anticipating a blindside that you don't see coming is utterly exhausting. I had enough of not reacting, of pretending to ignore it. I reacted & lost my sh*t, told them exactly what I thought. And guess what? They sat there speechless, for once in my goddamn life.

[@mariag5201]

I've done this too like the last thing I told them, and worked but they are still not worth it

[@Chichimee]

Spending my birthday by myself at home, this really was the perfect video on my feed. Thanks wise man 🙏🏻

[@sammyjon3s]

Happy Birthday! Hope you have a wonderful, relaxing day! 😊

[@sirhamalot8651]

Sometime being alone is the best gift! I spent Thanksgiving alone watching football, eating a beautiful rib-eye steak and green-bean casserole. It was better than any family gathering!

[@Dee33636]

Happy Birthday to YOU!!🎉❤💫🎂🎈My birthday’s 1 day before NYE & am from a very toxic family. Totally relate to spending your birthday alone. Better that way. Narcissists will try to wreck your birthday somehow so it can be about them.

[@chelly_belly11]

Happy Birthday hug from me, spending Christmas alone. 💌

[@cc1k435]

Started that in my 20s. Calm day is better than their plan any time. 🎉

[@KirstenLambert-nt8iy]

I've noticed both of my parents, in my younger years, always focused on my mistakes, and kept bringing them up, trying the guilt and shaming tactics. Later, I got wise and didn't play the guilt trip. If Mom couldn't get her way, she'd try the shame and guilt game. If that didn't work, she'd use her flying monkeys. It would be anybody who would listen to her. Eventually, none of this worked.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

sounds like my mum. There's just no way back into the family unless i admit i'm mad, bad, sad et cetera. If I do that, they might forgive me for asking to be heard. There is just no way to reset the dynamics. Asking, writing, pleading, waiting, shouting, accepting the silent treatments, not accepting them............... No, things will stay as they were.

[@MagicalBambii]

My mom literally says to me that I cannot be allowed to live with them again for even a temporary while, unless I live there as a servant to my brother and stay silent and realize I'm beneath him !!!! F that!!

[@nighthawkviper6791]

As a Millennial dealing with the Narc Parents who've gladly libeled and slandered my brother & I as we completed College by ourselves; they've carved out a special place in their family structure & stability to regularly scapegoat and abuse you. If your family is wise enough to see it, they won't have the courage to even acknowledge it. No matter how bad they see you suffer, they'll even watch you self-implode(can't say it on KZbin). America is worthless now that the Family Structure has been destroyed beyond repair. Momento Mori​@@SusanaXpeace2u

[@athena3865]

We must be related.

[@kristahackleylmt2064]

@@KirstenLambert-nt8iy Same here. I can relate. ❤️

[@darrynreid4500]

I think it's important to become comfortable with being disagreeable. People high in these traits of needing to dominate and control other people rely on other people's pro-social attitudes of wanting to appease, curtail conflict and soothe other people's upsets. That's why aggressive abusers will often talk about keeping the peace or the need for everyone to just get along: these are rules for everyone else, so they can rely on the target's tendency for de-escalation to dominate them. So it's important to stop trying to de-escalate; let them have their upset. Regulating their feelings is not your responsibility.

[@mariarippo8805]

Why would one ever work this hard to stay in relationship with toxic people? I did for some years and you know? After a while of not being reactive things escalated to the point of them literally trying to destroy me and my family. 3 different therapists told us there’s no other option that going no contact. That was almost a year ago and it was excrutiating to break away but we are beginning to feel the freedom. I will never twist myself into a pretzel for someone else’s approval again.

[@ianyeh75]

When you don’t know any better, and you grew up with it, it stays with you. Currently dealing with this, but I had my breakthrough. I put my foot down.

[@mildredbangtree]

"Be wise!", but not Jerry Wise, there is already a perfectly good one of those.

[@jerrywise]

Lol. Thanks

[@natewilson111]

"W.W.J.W.D.?"

[@buchrisss]

lol😂

[@LauraHauch]

When I hear Jerry Wise, I always feel like it should be Very Wise.

[@Billn1971]

Thank you. I'm 47....wish I had this kind of help a long time ago. The last couple yrs I've gotten better with standing by my boundaries. But there's years of resentment and heartache. I've tried to forgive. But my gaslighting narcissistic father will never change.

[@LouiseR-d6n]

I am 53 and received the annual e-mail from enabling father, demanding me to placate emotionally immature mother. Thanks to Jerry’s advice, my e-mail reply I sent off a few days later, was plan C… a self-differentiate response. I used to reply plan A… over-react. Then I evolved into reply plan B… justify and explain. But sending plan C was mature, neutral, & empowering to me… simply matter of fact & a copied word for word statement of Jerry’s wise advice from a previous clip. It’s taken TOO MANY YEARS to grow & learn through this mess of enmeshment & guilt, but I’m doing it now, and I feel more like me than I ever have. 🙏 Thank you for your channel 🙏

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

i envy you! I did everything wrong, and gave them ammunition to focus on my faults when I had asked to address their behaviours to me.

[@kristahackleylmt2064]

I'm 50 and I really appreciate all of you older than me that can share your stories. My family made me out to be the bad guy my whole life and I'm just discovering that a lot of people love me in my community and I help a lot of people. God knows my heart and what I do for others, which many times is giving up my last dime and time and last socks and blankets to help another not knowing how I'll feed myself. So if my family wants to hate on me because of that .. have at it I'm doing what's best for me and I care about the world and hate to see others in pain like me. I'm searching for all of you all of the broken hearted and we need to stick together and lift each other up!

[@kristahackleylmt2064]

@@LouiseR-d6n ❤️

[@CatalinaFOIA]

Christmas can be a very difficult time for many. When I was a young kid I was so excited this time of year, some of that has faded however now I'm excited for our child. We parent way different than our parents did and that's a blessing for her. The cycle stopped with myself and my 3 siblings ❤

[@yinyangphoenix]

Looking back, I know that my “happy” holiday memories were all fake. It’s weird and it’s totally fucked up.

[@athena3865]

I ended it the generational curse, also. Thank you

[@ivalivengood]

Well it's difficult because it was never meant to be worshipped as Jesus birthday. It's a pagan holiday and should not be worshipped. No where in the Bible does it say to celebrate Christmas. It is a man made traditional and not of God or Jesus. God bless you always.

[@Kunjesvari]

This is golden.. i need to put this video on repeat and listen in my sleep. 😅

[@BodyAndAura]

Me too!

[@brightbite]

They either do one of two reactions when I have tried similar tactics: they keep talking about whatever it is, continuing to try to engage, or they start raging at you.

[@humans_do_stuff]

Do not engage. You don't owe an explanation. If you enmesh with the drama, you lose. They don't want an explanation, the content doesn't matter, they just want a reaction from you.

[@davinxi5926]

Sometimes, it becomes dangerous. Observe and document their actions if need be. It can save your life. If you need to take it to court

[@kathleenmorrison8450]

That's when you walk away, say "Goodbye for now" and hang up the phone. Enough is enough.

[@loft27ss]

There is no point of contact with dysfunctional people, only point of conflict. They are not going to see your perspective, focus your energy on your own life

[@kathleenmorrison8450]

@loft27ss Best of advice for the New Year!

[@PianoMan-hx3ev]

This video is pure genius. I wish I had it 30 years ago.

[@Sirrahs]

Jerry's gift to us is to equip us with self empowerment especially during the holiday season.

[@susannepeters3928]

Dear dear Jerry Wise, because of your work for all the suffering people for years and years. I must tell you: I spent the first time a Christmas eve without feeling hurt. I stood above the bad vibes. I'm happy and glad that I found you. Merry Christmas dear Jerry ❤

[@stella4977]

Hello Jerry! I’ve been listening to your videos for a year now, and I finally decided to integrate your advice more into my life. Tonight I sat down at my desk and translated these phrases you offered into my native language, keeping their meaning the best I could. I feel proud of that, because now I will be able to use these responses in conversations in real life. Thank you for what you do here on KZbin!

[@FullCircleStories]

I wish I'd found resources like this 20 years ago, still living with them. That little nagging part of me that says "you could have salvaged the relationship" when there was nothing to salvage in the first place would have had so much more hope at the idea that I could detached from the enmeshment, stopped participating, and built a bridge from there. I will just have to keep this in my back pocket in the meantime. These phrases also seem really good in the workplace.

[@edwardgreacen1833]

It's like building a puzzle. At first glance, the pieces are jumbled and don't tell a story. Using these phrases, we can help to build a picture of our differentiated self. Thanks, Jerry.

[@pizza_prrty]

This is a very lonely road to walk. I hope we all find a way to have a blessed and happy Christmas, even if there are those like me considering having a (first ever) no-contact one.

[@KatI422-r3m]

This will actually be my 6th no contact Christmas with FOO. Sure there was that initial and residual grief. Now, feels pretty good.

[@MrNowBones]

I can’t believe how close you came to describing my relationship with my family. My father was a nacasisit/alcoholic. You are so right when you say work on strength yourself., and not worry about how he’s trying to manipulate. Thank you so much

[@Blondine9ify]

They hang up the phone or say they can't hear you! Highly stressful with an older narcissist mother if you don't fall in the schedule.

[@Bobafe77a]

Yes, my mother did this for years. She would talk over the top of me when I phoned from overseas, repeating "Hello, Hello, Hello" and then hang up. After that , in my father's later years, when I called to speak with him, she would bang and smash the dishes in the sink loudly, which would invariably lead to us terminating the conversation. This is on top of many other behaviours which are mentioned by experts as common in narcissists. She also has wild mood swings, drinks a litre bottle of wine almost every evening and swears angrily when I'm around. For years, when we visited for dinner, she would leave the table straight after eating and bang about with the dishes while swearing quietly about my father, calling him an "effing c--t". I'm 55 ( male ) now, and my mother is still horrible presence to be around. She is always simmering, ill tempered and wildly trivial with her conversation. There is no personal engagement. Talking with her has always been like talking to a stranger.

[@metalfacemartinez]

My mom hung up on me when I was non-reactive. I had nice conversation with her a couple of days later where I could tell she wanted to stir things up. She ended up sending a shitty email anyway, trying to provoke a reaction. I stayed mostly non-reactive, but realized there was no point going back and forth with someone that's just trying to push my buttons. So, no contact!

[@Billn1971]

Lol . I have hung up the phone..on my narcissist father.

[@Islandbreeze23]

This happens to me all the time!!! I’m so glad I found these videos 🎉

[@yvelaine]

This So how it is with mother and I . She is 90 , i am 70 and it is still going on . 😏

[@Denise-y2c]

You are not alone.

[@danielswanson9134]

The best hour in all of my therapy was when my therapist explained what the final years of his parents lives were like. Humorously Dysfunctional. This insight has allowed me to watch my parents in their final years do the same thing without driving me nuts.

[@bereal6590]

Boy do I hear that. Mine are 80 and going strong, I'm their ill old child. They'll probably outlive me and a till be talking as if I'm a child not an old adult who is ill!

[@gugubanda9608]

Narcissistic parents never stop controlling you wanting to own you 😅

[@gugubanda9608]

​@@bereal6590sending you love and wishing you healing and recovery ❤

[@JaguArchery]

No contact is the extreme and only true measure . Till I forget the sound of thine voice betwixt mine ears.

[@WinnieWamzi]

I agree completely. In my culture, where parents are deified, it is literally impossible impossible to go no contact. I have been trying to find a culturally acceptable way to do it in a way that one does not go no contact, but die of shame and guilt

[@bereal6590]

I now hate xmas, makes me ill and im already sick got my visit done yesterday. I came away poorly, stressed and more ill and somewhat upset but way less than I'd normally feel. That's a win for me, coming away from their home not being an emotional hurt wreck. Still got the same gifts I've gotten for the last 5 years in succession though! Urrggh! Still im way valuer than normal, though it was a struggle before during and now after because the stress sets off my chronic sickness, realising and not expecting any understanding from them and least got me through it without loosing my mind. Thank you Jerry and have and lovely holiday ✌😊

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

This will be my fifth xmas excluded from Christmas. I used to feel physically SICK at the injustice but I realise this is the first christmas I feel kind of not fussed about making up or not. What you say about getting the same gifts for five years makes me smile, in support. For decades my parents got me a ''nice victoria cream sponge cake'' for my birthday and every year I'd say 'my favourite cake is carrot cake'' and the next year again I'd get a nice victoria cream sponge cake. I'm just not a real person to them

[@JanetCollins-kr2co]

Spent the holidays by myself. Sent their flying monkey over with a guilt trip on Friday. Yesterday I couldn’t think anymore. Today, I’m trying to put the pieces together again. I’ll file this away for future reference.

[@drsarita-questioneverythin3194]

They didn’t mean anything -you shouldn’t feel hurt -how does anyone know what anyone meant ? These are so helpful -I see it differently and I’m ok with that !

[@angelablackthorne3026]

"I'm okay with how I feel" ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@violet18]

It's so difficult with these narcissists because they don't stop going at you. At work, a teacher asked me to move a folding table and set it up outside. I tried to carry it but I told her it was too heavy for me. After lunch, she asked me to set up a second table and idk why she would do that if she knew it was too heavy for me. She's so nasty to me.

[@DrZuli]

Keep a journal. Let the office know. And call your union. They might be able to find a better place for you, or at least make the teacher stop bothering you. If it gets worse, that's retaliation and $$

[@JJ_FLA]

Don't hesitate to tell her no or tell her she needs to help you. That's ridiculous don't let anyone mistreat you ever.

[@DawnGreen-wn4hr]

@@JJ_FLA my sister injured her back in an early childhood teaching position and had to switch to title one. Luckily, she has multiple degrees to do that. Take care of yourself!

[@mlynn2161]

This is one of your best, Jerry! I love when you give communication strategies and book recommendations!

[@MagicalBambii]

You are doing the Lord work by helping us Forget these immature so called parents!! ❤❤❤❤

[@TJtellsall]

This is perfect for me today. These changes in dynamics apply for parents dealing with their undifferentiated children too! I'm going to use the "I feel differently" technique on mine. Thanks you Mr. Wise!

[@Denise-y2c]

Being repetitive, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, FOR THIS NEW VIDEO & ALL of Your Videos !!!

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome!

[@sirhamalot8651]

Don't let the insanity of a bad parent ruin your peace. They were horrible as a parent and now seek to lecture you on how to parent. They did so much wrong in raising their kids and now act the expert in telling you how to raise your kids. They divorced and have the gall to give you marriage advice. even calling you "stupid" for not taking it! Do what Jerry says. Be unemotional, keep your inner peace. Let them rage all they want and be miserable. That's THEIR choice. You have to choose for yourself rather than letting the narcissist choose for you.

[@dorothynesbit6291]

Lots of juicy material here, for dealing with ANYONE who tries to manipulate or control you. Thank you, as ever, Jerry.

[@warrenbradford2597]

I need to remember these phrases to silence my narcissistic mother. Thank you!

[@kimberlyj4538]

If I said that and then visited Mom later in the day, Id pay for it with her coldness and distance and hostility. Then Id hear an embellished version through my relatives.

[@KatieM786]

Why do you care though? You've just described them not caring about you

[@jlcmsw]

@@KatieM786Kimberly said nothing about not caring. She just said that she’d get a negative response to the statements presented.

[@trying2survive602]

This is so timely, Jerry! I would always say that I never had the words that I needed to be able to stand up for myself. These are the exact phrases that I needed and was never taught to use when I want to say enough is enough!

[@carmenpentek-meyyappan6138]

This is coming in handy just before the holidays. Thank you, Jerry, and Merry Christmas! 🎄

[@jerrywise]

Happy holidays!

[@ChuangSarah]

When I said to my extremely narcissistic father "I have different opinions/ feelings from yours. I respect yours & hope you would do the same", he literally responded, "you're not allowed to feel this way". I'm almost 50 & he still tries to control my life, from my life choice to my feelings. He is mostly disappointed with me throughout my adult life because I refused to believe in the same religion as his. He & my nm had tried to make me move in a convent & become a nun because that's what my nf thought would elevate his status in his church. I'm literally a disposable "thing" to him

[@ASaltyGurl]

Because you are.

[@angelablackthorne3026]

Wow! "You're not allowed to feel this way"!!!??? Just wow!!!

[@mariadiantherese9663]

This is excellent guidance. Thank you so much.

[@jerrywise]

Glad it was helpful!

[@sheripacori2097]

My mother did do nice things for me. But she always wanted to control me and tell me what I should do. I was there to listen to her problems. We tried living close in the same city but never worked out. I still try to show respect but the conversations dont go too deep anymore.

[@evbemma33]

My mother has a narcisstistic traits. She love competition criticism saing bad about sensitivity she is full of anger lies gaslighting and power and control. I know now this are my roots why i was a magnet to narcisstistic women friends and women managers at work in my life.

[@claudial1240]

Honestly, this was one of the best videos I have seen on the topic, I have a list of responses that is so beyond helpful. Thank you!! 👍

[@jerrywise]

Wow, thank you!

[@Ratkwad]

Also, i have long term friends and i realise they can be a bit difficult and put you in places. Strong stuff friend.

[@flowergirl-yz3ki]

I am glad you keep restating these. I will memorize & practice so instead of freezing up, I have a phrase ready to go when needed.

[@gillps5130]

Still at it. even just before Christmas. Amazing.

[@satyarthpratapsingh5267]

I never realised that it's so simple. Just say, " I'll stick to my decision. Your opinion is different." It'll drive them crazy.

[@yvonnemasters5078]

Merry Christmas Jerry! ✝️🙏❤️🎄. You have given the gift of peace to many of us this holiday season by your gift of teaching, may God continue to bless you in the New Year!

[@ianyeh75]

Such simple concepts, yet I wish I had the emotional intelligence to use these when I was younger. Thanks, Jerry! 👍

[@KirstenLambert-nt8iy]

Thank you Jerry! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

[@jerrywise]

Happy holidays!

[@leigh-anneobrien3299]

Thank you, Jerry! Empowering, specific response examples are EXACTLY what I’ve been looking for, especially with the holiday season upon us. Most appreciated and Merry Christmas! 🎄

[@jerrywise]

You're so welcome!

[@Sophia-hj3ko]

Thank you for these very valuable statements of wisdom.

[@emm1086]

We don't celebrate Christmas but I would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas & a great New Year ahead full of joy & health. Thank you for all that you do. ❤

[@Cinephile227]

I’m going through a major life change (bought a house with my partner in another country). Although I’m grateful, I’ve been feeling depressed having moved from the community/friends from my last town. It’s like my family can sniff out my wounds like sharks sniffing blood. I’ve worked hard to set firm boundaries but in a moment of weakness, I let my narc dad manipulate me through love bombing followed by the silent treatment on Xmas. They will never change, it does not matter how much a grow and show autonomy. Any reaction to them is better than no reaction.

[@sherylbeamer7189]

Thank you Jerry for your truth telling wisdom and a very Merry Christmas🎄💕

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome

[@crankiemanx8423]

Thank you,i related to everything you discussed.this has been very helpful im going to apply your helpful tips when interacting with my natc mother & siblings & also their narc children.

[@helenryan2848]

Absolutely.

[@shahilagh]

Amazing I wanna say this to my narc manager who forces a major right from me

[@september4877]

This is so practical and helpful. Nailed it again, Jerry! Thank you so much for helping us learn healthy ways to respond to unhealthy people. They really are good at escalating situations and dragging others into their unhealthy behaviors.

[@Tubewatcherdude]

None of this works when the narcissist doesn’t quit. You can say these this things all you can in order to shut things down within yourself but playing that broken record can only take you so far. My grandma argues with my mom, brother and I and we tried doing this and every time she flips it back on us and takes offense like we’re calling her stupid. She’s straight up said, “I will never change, this is who I am.” I know it will never end until she passes, and that does not mean I want her to, but we are so tired of it.

[@ianyeh75]

Then walk away. You need to learn the hardest lesson, which is being willing to detach yourself from them. Jerry has talked about this before, and he’s absolutely right.

[@TurtleHillTx]

Boiles down to boundaries.

[@oppressednolonger1497]

its very helpful when you demonstrate with short vignettes, seeing this play out conversationally is VERY helpful TY; JW!

[@bassocantante51]

Happy Holidays sir. Bless you for all you impart 🙏

[@jerrywise]

Happy holidays!

[@CosmoWash3]

Thank you for these videos!! I am the family scapegoat and our mother started early November for the holidays. I did Christmas with my little family and when mom texted she said her holiday was horrible. No regrets here!! Let’s find “us” and thrive!! Happy holidays everyone

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome!

[@marjoriemartinez9973]

I stood up to her when i was 46, she started raging and hitting herself, i had to hide in my room so no one thought i was hurting her. My mother passed away 8 yrs ago and i never got closure

[@AUSTRALIANAMADE]

Great timing before xmas lunch, where abuse is common. This year, they get a big picture of me for Xmas, big one to put on the mantle with the others, of other family member members. I noticed I was missing on all of them... A set of fridge magnets with the picture too, so it cannot be laid down.

[@rosemaryclark931]

Thank you so much! Have a merry Christmas.

[@mariamadsen7071]

This is so good and so timely. God bless you Jerry, thank you so so much ❤

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome

[@Helena-tw7pj]

One of the best youtubechannel on this subject! Thankyou!!

[@HeartAliveToday]

1. I see it differently.

[@TuxTuxGo]

Super helpful. Thank you❤

[@Wandererkryw]

Thank you, thank you. I breath of fresh air

[@darinsmith2458]

Always great stuff.. The slower the better..

[@jerrywise]

Absolutely

[@BodyAndAura]

Just in time! Moms already told me shes canceling christmas to guilt trip me.

[@JJ_FLA]

I hope that is a gift and that you won't have to deal with her then.

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

​@@JJ_FLA That is what I always think when I read such..."Don't threaten me with a good time." 😅

[@darrynreid4500]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that her withdrawing her presence should come as a welcome relief.

[@BodyAndAura]

Oh yeah. Very welcome. Lol I already told my kids to come to my house instead. I told them she canceled Christmas and it's gonna be a small private affair at my home. They are happy with that and I'm sticking to it.

[@kathleenmorrison8450]

Best response: Great idea, and let's keep it that way from now on. Best for everyone! 😅

[@christiroseify]

I just let them all go... They can't hurt me anymore and that bothers them.

[@susannepeters3928]

I'm same phase, congratulations! But was it also a long hurting way for you too? Wish you a merry Christmas! Calm and PROUD❤

[@christiroseify]

@@susannepeters3928 May the Joy of the Lord fill your home and family.

[@maryseeker7590]

Wow, what good advice! I need to watch more of this channel!!

[@jerrywise]

Please do!

[@JustMe-qq3rc]

I don't know how it happened but my husband and I moved back from ABQ NM to take care of my mother. It has been a nightmare, we live on the same land and she has made it clear that she has no plan to help us continue to live on the land if something happens to her. We are at a loss as to what to do. We have been dealing with her mental disorder for 18 years and of course I have had to deal with her all of my 63 years. She made promises that of course she failed to do. I don't want to hate her but I do. She has literally ruined our life.

[@RMacEwan]

Excellent advice!

[@Parmis_Dax]

I needed this one, thank you!

[@jerrywise]

Glad it was helpful!

[@alwayshoping125]

Thank-you Jerry, Hope you have a lovely holiday time! Blessings.

[@kathleencousins8229]

Thank you for all the great tools you share🌟

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome!

[@divineone66]

I suppose I could have been more autonomous, I like how you said you'll get better at this.❤

[@climbingroses.70]

.. what's the argument, they want something that doesn't belong to them, an all out war with you for control of you, it's bizarre .. and still trying to beat us .

[@phenyxmusic]

This is very helpful 🙏🏼 thank you !

[@janicebreaux4956]

Kryptonite repellant answers to kryptonite criticisms !!

[@cc1k435]

Here for the last minute pep talk. 😂😮

[@kathleenmorrison8450]

Jerry, you hit this one out of the park baby! Great video with use it now practical suggestions! Awesome! Merry Christmas 🎄 to you and yours! Rock on Jerry!😅🎉❤

[@jerrywise]

Glad it was helpful!

[@michaelh3090]

Merry Christmas, my first one no contact. Appreciate your great advice Jerry, and all the insightful comments on your videos

[@jerrywise]

Happy holidays!

[@rennep5605]

I feel like they will respond so meanly if you call them out

[@Eyesofthebeholder214]

Amen. Thanks and Happy Holidays

[@jerrywise]

Happy holidays!

[@karadevlin1512]

Thank you, Jerry for another amazing video.

[@jerrywise]

Glad you enjoyed it

[@narayani-d1b]

Thank you Sir

[@simplysusan.5625]

Excellent. Thank you.