Q & A - Postpartum sex, age gaps between kids (what's best?) mom-shaming response + more

[@tav1996productions]

Thanks for calling me pretty, Jess! New dad here. In my personal experience, sex drive did not go down during the first couple of weeks after my son was born. I would say though that the dad instinct to protect and provide for my new son and healing wife really put all those desires on the back burner. Sex came back in time and I was just so excited to be a father. No reasons to worry!

[@jess_hover]

Hahah I am sure you are pretty. Thank you! I love your input!

[@LadyArty19]

That’s pretty much how my husband felt after our daughter was born! I was swimming in that newborn bliss and I asked him if he was feeling “blissful” too, and he said he actually felt “aggressive” lol. His natural instinct to protect us was through the roof. 😂

[@christinavillatoro7164]

Omg you made me laugh when you said “you can do it, youre tired but you’re already tired”and you made me tear up saying “you’re pretty”.. wonderful video. From one busy family to another, many blessings.

[@kayla0810]

“I struggle to trust whatever’s going on inside of me is true.” THIS. I relate so much but have never put it into words.

[@kathrynloughrige9882]

I just love and adore you! I’m officially 6 weeks today with my first little squish and your wisdom and humor is so appreciated and inspiring. ❤️ I’m going to try to join your group today. Thank you!

[@jess_hover]

Aw yay! Congratulations!!

[@melyssathomas959]

Congratulations on the pregnancy! I’m 7 months with our 4th (and last). Oh my goodness the 1st baby is such a huge deal. This sweet Angel is going to make you a Mommy! I’m so excited for you. I’m here if you need any help or have questions.

[@evakormuskin5378]

You’re amazing Jess. I’m not a mother yet at this stage of my life but you’re one of the few people on the Internet that make me feel like “it’s ok, I will be able to be a good mom”. You’re so encouraging and real that my anxiety levels about being a future mom just really die down. You’re not just saying empty words if you’ll be fine, no you truly say it how it is but then you give encouragement. Thank you for what you do!❤️

[@texbecks6682]

About the sleepover stuff. It's really really scary. I was molested by a family friend as a girl, while we were in the same house with both sets of parents, and my brothers were there. I didn't tell my parents about it because they always told me to defend myself and I thought it meant I'd done something wrong. Having that happen with them in the other room has shaken my faith in other people watching my children. I'm still not there in terms of letting them have sleepovers at other people's homes. I don't know how to move past that fear.

[@luciebabiak7742]

So sorry to hear your story 😔. All the fears and past struggles can be healed through Jesus. Also being a parent with so much stuff going on is much easier with his guidance. Praying for you 🙂❤️🌹🙏

[@brunaalbanez112]

Hi! You could try going to a psychologist to work on your trauma and also learn about ways that you could teach your kids about sexual education, and what you could teach them that would help prevent sexual abuse. (This is just a suggestion)

[@texbecks6682]

@@brunaalbanez112 I get what you're saying but no amount of education will be able to protect them from predators like mine. That's my problem. I'm already working on teaching her about these things so that's not what I'm afraid of.

[@victoriazhdanyuk1492]

my parents only let me spend the night at my closest cousin's house, and they're all girls. And not very often. because once I grew up, I learned that my mom feared for molestation/rape to happen to any of us girls. As I was growing up, I didn't like the fact that others could have sleepovers and I couldn't, but once I grew up I appreciated it so much as it protected me from ever having something scary like that happen. Also, like you said, it's important to educate your kids on no-touch zone areas, and to help them feel comfortable coming to you if anything were to happen so you can get them help and deal with the predator asap so they won't do it to anyone else.

[@lauracarrilloacosta6774]

I think is really nice to have sleepovers but you never know, and the safety of the children is more important. It just takes a little moment to destroy a child, so whatever we can do to keep them safe is more important. I do also think that if you find a safe environment for them to interact (AKA people you can really trust) is alright and good for the children independence. What I mean is things like my aunt didn't allowed her girls to stay with us (house with only women... family, loving women) for whatever reason. Don't going overboard is also important ... but only in safe situations

[@becciba5515]

I love it so so much that you don’t pretend to be a perfect mum and just tell us your perspective - because there simply is no such thing and the perfect mum and we all know it. Feels so good to hear you talk about your experience, I can relate to so many things. Thank you!!❤️

[@natalieeubank4533]

I have 3 kiddos, am a stay at home mom, nice to meet you:) I've been here for awhile but I lurk, what you said about sleep spoke to me I've been staying up so late , and I also have been very frustrated about that I feel like I'm getting alot of flack for the way that we live our lives, things I say, the way I run my home minimalism and other disagreements brought on by covid, and not being sure how to deal with it all, thank you Jess for another awesome vlog!!

[@candacesteveley2798]

Thank you so much for being so real and open and honest. I’m about to be a 1st time mom and have been silently freaking out over so many things. I didn’t have good parents (no father and abusive mom) and was the youngest in my family. My sister and cousin have new babies and I know I can go to them for advice but but they are much more “motherly” than I am. They always wanted kids… I didn’t. I am happy to be having this little girl in a couple of weeks but I am also super anxious because I feel like I know nothing about taking care of a child or how to be a mom. So it’s so nice to see someone else who admits they knew nothing at the start and they aren’t perfect. I just found your channel and it’s really giving me some confidence and peace that it will all be okay and that we will figure it out.

[@joyprice209]

I was scared to have a son. He is now 11 years old and he is the craziest and sweetest kid ever. ❤

[@bneuhaus95]

Okay best intro ever 😂😂

[@jess_hover]

Haha thank you!!

[@Neonlights1]

For the age gaps between siblings, what are your thoughts on the mother having a certain time to recover before the next? Did your body react differently after having rested and re-nourished between baby 1 and 2, and not having had that time for baby 3?

[@anichkokrushenie]

This was the first advertisement that I watched to the end on KZbin

[@TiaGillespie]

You are so amazing and inspiring and your authenticity is so infectious! You’ve taught me how to be okay with being imperfect and I just want you to know how much that means to me and my family 🧡

[@stephanieritchie3667]

Oh man, your videos are GOLD! Thank you for sharing you and making these videos. You help so many, including myself when I needed help and now I am getting that help because of YOU! Thank you.

[@capslovesit]

What you spoke about at the end, I'm the girl who messages on Instagram and tells you how much I love seeing your insta stories because I'm a new mum and struggling and you make my UK night times feels less overwhelming. Appreciate you so much, I hope you know how many people you help x

[@PLopez-bs5xs]

Every single time I see one of your videos I feel so comforted! Thank you Jess!!!

[@ariannahodges8720]

Hellocopter got me! 😭❤️

[@mamalifexo]

I love how real you are 🤣

[@madeline4566]

I love every part of this! Thank you for your openness and sharing your heart. So helpful and encouraging. Keep going Jess!

[@christalnoel]

I thank God and the KZbin algorithm for bringing me to your channel. I am having a rough day and I only just now calmed down while watching this.

[@MissRockOn17]

You are just the best. I'm due this October, and you just lift a weight off my shoulders everytime I watch your videos!

[@magaliluneau2858]

The way you speak about motherhood is so refreshing! Thank you for putting these videos out, you are helping so many mamas out there. Ps. I could watch your sponsorship ads all day 😂👌🏻

[@ashleyhoitink3972]

I asked the confusing question about maternity leave and hating it. It wouldn't let me write more so I couldn't explain myself more. In Canada we have a year long maternity leave. My question had to do with the idea of having a baby and loving your child, but hating being at home every day. I hope that makes sense!

[@Abcdefghijajajaja]

Ohhhh, haha💕

[@wmnpwr98]

Same! It’s a ton of 24 hour work and exhausting!!

[@shoshanaeri8035]

hey I can relate, I was at a point that I really wanted a child, and I love my baby so much, but at the same time I don't think I'm so 'cut out' for playing with blocks and changing diapers all day, although it's SO important and I know my kid benefits so much from being at home, and I try so hard to be present. I'm realizing that I am the type that likes to do a variety of things, so the repetition is what really gets me, once she got a bit older I enjoyed it more, but even so it's hard...anyway don't really have advice except for try to make time for adult things to 'fill your cup' so to speak-- you will come back to your baby a happier person.

[@ashleyhoitink3972]

@@shoshanaeri8035 thank you. I think it's a combination with covid that does it. If we weren't in a pandemic I would be spending more time with other adults. I need more than the role of a mom.

[@shoshanaeri8035]

@@ashleyhoitink3972 definitely hear you on that one!

[@sarikatimmi]

i feel like it’s more that i dont like my body even though he loves it and it affects my confidence on a level i have never ever experienced before

[@jess_hover]

I can totally relate to that. Throughout our whole relationship my issues with my body have been about how I see myself, even though my husband has said he is attracted to me all along. Maybe you could try to get out of your head a little bit. Dim the lights. Turn on music. If you like wine you could have a bit of that to help you relax. Anything to help you get out of your head and focus on the moment and the person you are with.

[@sarikatimmi]

@@jess_hover i appreciate that and will try all of those things. definitely need to get out of my head right now

[@TheGreatWerebear]

As one who grew up in bear country, don't worry about it. Unless there's a grizzly staring you in the face, just leave the bears alone and they'll leave you alone. There were bears in my neighborhood after dark all the time. I never heard of anyone getting hurt. My friends and I would sleep in our yards and wander around without supervision, no issues. We just knew not to get close, and to bring a dog with us if we were going to be out in the woods late.

[@KC-dn2gw]

Hi Jessica, I'm single in my 30's and TTC via a donor. So hello! That's me :) I have been watching you since around April 2020 as I prepared myself with lots of information - and I love your channel and your honesty and although you don't know me (I'm in AU) and obviously we have different lives, - I've found so much comfort and encouragement in watching your channel - so thank you :)

[@lucymb6438]

Thankyou so much for making these videos. Im a new mum and find them so helpful. Are you able to talk about sleep training and what you did for each baby? Sending love from Sydney 🇦🇺 x

[@sabrina22471]

If you search Jessica Hover sleep training she has a few videos on this. Good luck!

[@oliviachloe3848]

I'm not a mother and I am nowhere near becoming a mother but I absolutely adore your videos! You are a wonderful person with a wonderful family! 🤍

[@sarahkins17]

You are so precious! Thank you for making these videos

[@annawilliamson2986]

23 weeks prego with our first :) I love watching your videos and your realness brings joy into my soul!

[@tonirunnels9790]

Just had my 1st baby and honestly my sex drive didn’t come back until about 5-6 months postpartum sometimes it takes a while don’t be too hard on yourself

[@Pineapples8theWorld]

This!!! Mine didn't come back till I stopped breastfeeding! It was so hard because I was 1000% the opposide during pregnancy.

[@tonirunnels9790]

@@Pineapples8theWorld mine was gone during and after pregnancy lol it was hard I felt so bad for my fiancé but he’s so supportive. I think mine came back when my baby started sleeping thru the night and I wasn’t as exhausted all the time.

[@slyhead66]

You are the best mom though! You love your kids so much and you do your best ❤️❤️❤️ perfection is impossible

[@brittanyhunt8662]

You are my favorite. Thank you for existing

[@Olga-kv1oi]

Jessica you are so amazing!!!!

[@matinapapamakariou1678]

I love you Jess!! You are amazing!! Thank you so so much!! ❤️❤️💙💙💙

[@lauracarrilloacosta6774]

YOU ARE AN AMAZING MOM!! Even if you dont consider it yourself... YOU ARE! I send you so much love :) :) :)

[@amelialee9438]

You are a beautiful human, Jess! Thank you so much for the advices 💝

[@claraelisas]

you inspire me! Sending you and your family lots of love💓Xx

[@annag1697]

Such a good video. Thank you. You’re so wonderful 💕

[@jackieormsbee3804]

This is beautiful and so funny! Thank you for doing what you do ♥️

[@ratchschleuczynski9821]

Mine will be 12.5 months apart. I'm planning on going thru hell and then being done. Although tbh once #1 hit 3-4 months it's not been too bad...which is why there's a #2 :)

[@annarocha3254]

Same, girl. Mine will be 14 months apart. 👍🏼

[@alonaasher855]

Thank you for this amazing and honest video :)

[@jllove86]

Can you talk more about sleep training? That would be super helpful!

[@manuelaconde7316]

Jess, You are amazing. Wish I could hang out with you and give you a big hug. A virtual hug 🤗 shall do! First time mama over here! Baby boy just turned 8 months and I have watched you since my pregnancy. Thank you for your wonderful channel, encouraging words and great ADs 😉 Xox from Miami 💞

[@gypsyqueen4455]

“You should definitely have sons, highly recommend it” 😂😂

[@caromosteiro]

Gracias por otro video hermoso, que bien la paso escuchándote Jess 🤍

[@annarocha3254]

I personally think it is acceptable for a woman's partner to need a little time to come to terms with how her body has changed. I certainly looked different when I had a baby and I know it was a little weird for my husband at first. He had to learn to find me sexy in a DIFFERENT way, and I had to come to terms with that. I expect partners to be kind, but they're not robots. Basically, being as patient with each other as possible when you introduce a new person into the family is always good advice.

[@jess_hover]

I LOVE this perspective. I think you're right about that. And hopefully the woman's partner is sensitive to how vulnerable of a position the mother is in her new body, because it is likely she is feeling fragile and hormonal. So my hope would be that the partner has a way of processing those thoughts in a way that doesn't harm that new mother. For me my husband had a harder time connecting with me during pregnancy, rather than after, because my body was so different and his baby was right there :) We had to have some hard conversations because for me it felt like rejection but for him it was just the new situation we were in. Nobody was treated like a robot. We were both considered. I am quick to defend new moms though when it comes to how people view their bodies, because they have been through so much and it's not fair to them to make them feel bad or ugly for their transformed shape. I think you and I are on the same page on that, but that's where I am coming from in my video.

[@annarocha3254]

@@jess_hover Absolutely! I agreed with everything you said in the video as well. I just know that sometimes women seem to expect their partners to find them 100% sexy at all times and that just isn't fair. My own drive can ebb and flow depending on the season, but that has nothing to do with the love I have for my husband. I was more giving myself that reminder than anything. :)

[@tiffanyyllera5977]

I have a sister that is 2 and a half years younger than me and I absolutely couldn’t stand her!!! We just started getting along in our 30s! Bc of my personal experience, I would prefer a bigger age gap of at least 4 years.

[@Operafan1005]

Hi Jess, could you share more on how you and your husband journal together? I am going on 4 years of marriage this November and have know and been with my husband for almost 8 years. We have a one year old and are wanting to get pregnant again in the near future. Currently, we have been having lots communication issues that seem similar to what you shared about and I’m sure every marriage goes through that. What gives me relief is that at the end of day if we have been having tension/discussions we make up and it gives me consolation that my husband cares that we fix our arguments but sometimes it seems like a vicious cycle…..arguments-make up-arguments-makeup. He is hesitant about going to marriage counseling because he doesn’t think our issues are that bad but sometimes these issues we have does affect my wellbeing. I think the fact that i suggest marriage counseling makes him feel like we are headed for divorce which is not at all what I want and neither does he. We are both educators and currently are on summer break at home so we are always home together. We survived quarantine lol so I know we will be okay but I don’t like the constant passive aggressiveness that we sometimes have and I don’t want our children to see that mommy and daddy are always bickering. Thank you for this video!

[@estrellita2912]

Hello copter is my favorite thing in the world 😂😂

[@joyprice209]

Wow i just watched the video with the 2nd one as a 2 month old lol. I thought i picked the wrong person when you said 3 kids.

[@alexisstirmel5412]

I adore you. Your intro tho😂❤😭🤗

[@sabrina22471]

I relate to you so much! ❤

[@elliemccarthy5672]

Erythratol is a sugar alcohol that can a stomach ache and be a laxative if you eat too much!!! So don’t binge on these cookies!

[@janellestreno6595]

You are the best ❤️

[@jessica.ann.rivera]

Jessica. My husband and I are moving to Spain in a year. Can you tell me how you did it? Did you get citzenship once over there?

[@orangefly2671]

Hehe sometimes feel like you have 300 children 🤣🤣🤣 love the intro

[@brincollington09]

Found out today that baby #2 is a second boy! 💙💙 Boy mom is locked in! I love all of your videos so much, Jess! Excited to continue following along the motherhood journey 🥰

[@nataliechristine4934]

That INTRO 😹

[@annamarienicholas1226]

I’m a momma to my first baby girl who is 11 months and I’ve always wanted a Brady bunch of kids coming from growing up as a only child and I have wanted the age gap to be somewhat close but can anyone else relate that I just feel so in love with my baby that I don’t want any other baby but her; im just so in love I don’t know I feel guilty that I don’t want another yet. I’ve heard somewhere that other mommas have felt that their first has their whole heart and are afraid but your heart just expands, any thought?

[@MM-ys3lr]

I have 3 kids, age 13, 12, and almost 2. Your heart will love them all equally, it’s not like there is a limited quantity of your love to go around. It’s amazing ☺️

[@liavxo4949]

I’m 17 weeks pregnant with a boy … really was hoping for a girl . This is my first time being pregnant. The truth is I’m scared of having a boy too …. How did you move past this ?

[@LexieJaguar69]

Omg girl, i thought having a girl was easy bc im a girl and i know things and stuff but when i actually had my girl i realized i knew nothing. And my friend who had a boy said she would be so lost with a girl, changing diapers wise wed both be lost. It will come to you and if it doesn’t, you can always ask your midwife ❤️

[@kylafabiszak6089]

You've got this!! I had a boy as my first and now I'm almost nervous to have a girl haha. I think we just get comfortable with what we're most familiar with sometimes. One little psa I have that I messed up with having a boy, is remember to pull back skin and clean underneath with diaper changes. I didn't have anyone helping me with diapers or baths the first month and I didn't know what would be uncomfortable for him or what was necessary. Luckily someone who had boys finally happened to help me with a bath and he didn't get an infection or anything. Oops.

[@jenniferromero571]

I am going to be a mom soon or in my case have a baby soon. I know and believe i have been a mom since my baby was concieved. I have to admit I do shame some moms. Just like anything else there is trying your best, doing your best and then there is just being lazy. Spoiling children or giving children something to keep them from having a tantrum or when they tantrum give them what they want. Instead of putting them in their room or a space to tantrum. Moms who do not believe in discipline at all. Just love, be gentle and kind. You can not teach your kids how they should act that way. I have seen it not work.

[@bleechrcreechrr]

Jess you're like the big sister I don't have! I'm watching all your videos to try and prepare for when I eventually have kids lol I knew NOTHING about babies/taking care of them/ labor and delivery. Basically no idea about anything before watching your vids lol. My mom passed away a few years ago and she didn't really talk about things like that. I'm so happy I found your channel! I'm getting married next year and we're hoping to start a family a little after that (we'll be together 9 years by the time we're married)

[@jess_hover]

Aw wow I wish i could hug you. What an honor to be an honorary big sister to you right now. Im so sorry you lost you mother but please know Im cheering for you over here.

[@bleechrcreechrr]

@@jess_hover Aw you are the sweetest ☺️ I also loved your Think Pretty videos and I watch those whenever I need to shift my mindset back to a more positive place. Keep doing you, you're amazing ❤️❤️

[@sigrunoddgeirsdottir2097]

Himalyan seasalt??

[@justineplemons7585]

You're on the wrong channel Lmaoooo 😂😂😂😂

[@meyernatasha43]

New mom (6weeks) post-partum

[@MegaTelenovela]

💜

[@lifewiththetaylors9386]

Hahah😍😍

[@meowgirl9833]

youre 20 yo? 😱😱😱

[@ArsiniC11]

im handsome not pretty

[@Mala_Mia1]

I know you likely didn't mean it that way because it's obvious to me that you try to speak in a way that is inclusive of others etc. But the answer around having siblings came off a little... dismissive (or maybe disparaging?) towards parents who are one and done by choice, because it was basically "if you physically can have another baby and can afford it, you should do it", but there are many other reasons to choose to not have another child. I know it felt a little isolating for me to hear it and I probably won't be the only one. Other than that, thanks for the video Jess :) Always fun watching you be real with us and showing us it's okay that we're all just trying to wing it through parenthood!

[@jess_hover]

Im sorry that came off as dismissive! I just rewatched that part now because when i was filming it I tried to be very intentional to say it was just my opinion and that I know there are many many reasons why that isn’t possible. If someone chooses to have one child that’s wonderful and I wouldn’t want to make anyone feel bad for that. To be candid I don’t actually care how many kids a person has, they could have many kids or none and I am happy about any of it. I was just responding to a question giving my thoughts to someone who seems to be considering a second baby. Im sorry it made you feel bad! Last thing, a few of my closest friends here have one child and there are days I envy their lives. So we all just do our best and be confident with our choices. I think you’re doing great & having any babies at all is a big huge deal. So ignore my answer to that question :) Thanks for letting me know your thoughts and thanks for watching! ❤️

[@tammypham1024]

old.reddit.com/r/HilariaBaldwin/comments/oq7oth/hilaria_baldiwn_claims_she_has_been_blessed_with/ Hi Jessica, I have been a fan of yours for so long, and have hesitated for so long to bring up this subject because your channel is about positive support for moms. But this story is just so upsetting, and hope you will make some content about it (toxic mommy influencers) in the future. Not sure if you heard about Alec Baldwin’s wife Hilaria. Well, she pretended to be from Spain for quite a long time. That’s weird in and of itself, but she also basically is the complete opposite of you in every way when it comes to protecting her kids online and being a thoughtful, helpful person. She also seems to have not really given birth to all of her kids, and used surrogates (totally ok), except she lied about it , going so far as to use prosthetic bellies for paparazzi shots, and built a fitness brand around “bouncing back” quickly after her “easy births.” One of her babies was in the NICU after an emergency birth but she claimed it was “easy.” Really so harmful to moms like your sister who really had traumatic births, physically and emotionally. Anyway, there’s just a LOT to unpack on this woman, but wanted to share in case you decide to speak on this. ❤️