I Emotionally Abused my Last Girlfriend (I’m Scared I’ll Do it Again)

[@stephenskayla2079]

I was shy and a people pleaser. No intimacy before marriage. He's played me like a fiddle with our entire marriage. My youngest child just graduated highschool so I'm about to run for my life. I'm going to live my life the way I want and not the way someone else tells me. I just want to be there for my children and grandchildren and I hope he doesn't destroy that for me as well.

[@amyteurlife9408]

I'm seeing that having sex before marriage, has us picking the wrong person for a spouse. And sometimes it is just as bad to marry real soon just to be married and have sex. The healthier we get the better everything around us gets, especially looking into why we picked a person like this - what was damaged in us.

[@yourbestam]

​@@amyteurlife9408 what are you talking about you're acting like people who are so pious and just get married without having sex with each other are somehow in better relationships, how many people do you know have done that and all the sudden realized that person is not that good

[@yourbestam]

Girl you stay too long, if you did it for the kids for that's the wrong reason. Is better for your kids to see southworth being practiced rather than seeing them being used as a reason why you continued to hurt yourself

[@AmonAnon-vw3hr]

"Played me like a fiddle" The avoidance of accountability is extreme.

[@beastshawnee]

buy the bigger insurance policy on him…dont divorce…just wait separately for the payout hon!

[@Day23458]

Almost no one would admit something like this. Props to him for taking accountability.

[@amarjotsingh8455]

Men really get praised for the bare minimum 😂

[@CarlGorn]

@@amarjotsingh8455 For a man, admitting a problem is anything but the bare minimum, because it means exposing a vulnerability, something we are conditioned throughout childhood to avoid at all costs. In terms of psychology, it takes a near-Herculean amount of courage and strength to go against all that conditioning and say you need help.

[@gennagresham3986]

@@amarjotsingh8455 Exactly. He's abusive and will do it again! Props to him! More women should treat men the way that men treat women.

[@hikerhobby1204]

@@CarlGorn Well said Lunay! I give him a lot of credit!

[@CarlGorn]

@@gennagresham3986 That sounds like you hate femininity. I'd be interested to know why.

[@thetardyowlvg9155]

The line I've heard most often is, "You know how I am." Yeah, I do. And so do you, clearly. So why is it my job to deal with it and not yours?

[@candyluna2929]

The demon that I married would never admit to this. He did apologize for a few things but he explained that I caused him to treat me like that. 🤣🤣🤣typical narcissist

[@norwegianbee849]

I have an ex-husband that blamed me for all his poor choices.

[@poopie6205]

U were probably the demon in the relationship

[@Kelli-ru7yy]

My ex just yelled "I'm sorry for evErYtHiNG!" in the most condescending tone. Obviously he wasn't sorry about hurting me. Just sorry that I was leaving and not being his house slave.

[@guedrini2045]

I am very sorry that the person you married is also a narcissist and as someone who has been the one causing it, I know how painful that must be for you. I was in a 4 year relationship with a wonderful woman who loved me and was everything I ever could’ve asked for. When she broke up with me I was enraged and felt betrayed until 6 months of anger and pain later when I finally realized I was a serial narcissist only after I made the discovery that I was one did I realize how much pain I must of caused my ex during our relationship. I can only imagine being on the receiving end of the piercing pain you experience being with a narcissist and I am so sorry you have to go thru that.

[@andreajackson4138]

Being faithful is a fantasy to him ? Run ladies, run!

[@janetmorecraft2206]

He so avoids getting specific about his abuse!!!

[@reynavalo6201]

Because he's ashamed and guilty

[@sweetb2750]

My ex admitted too and got so much praise for saying it that he start going to anyone who would hear him tell him how brave he was and how he will be forgiven because “god forgives no matter what he done”, so he start going to church and tell them how he was abusive towards me and they also told him it didn’t matter cause god loved him and to just pray and was brave to admit it. Didn’t stop him from doing it though; because he would be forgiven and he was soooo brave for admitting what he was doing. He loved the praise so much that why would he do the work since he already getting admiration for it, as long as he kept me away from those who gave him the praise and not tell them my side. Nothing matter to him, admitting was enough

[@purpurina5663]

They go from one form of power to another. They rarely, rarely really change.

[@devankurmitra4118]

Christians are filled with narcissists

[@nicolettemoore7711]

Then they think they do nothing wrong at least I am honest blah blah but you you your part. And then dismissed demeaned and so on

[@KT-zd3vl]

How did he realize he was abusive? All abusers I know blame the victim.

[@davidcardinal3654]

Abusers aren’t always psychopaths. Oftentimes both victim and abuser, switch roles. Especially if the abuser feels guilty and lets the victim walk all over them.

[@KT-zd3vl]

@@davidcardinal3654 good point. I remember learning about the Triangle of victim, rescuer, and persecutor in therapy.

[@cathyl7944]

Sounds like he’s in therapy and this came up

[@fennecbesixdouze1794]

Yeah, and often times the victim comes to believe that they were the one who was abusive.

[@BeGlamourlicious]

Therapie is the key. When you solve some of your own problems you suddenly have the ability to be honest to yourself about yourself. That’s why I love therapy.

[@vintagegirl68]

It would be so good for him to send his ex a letter of apology. It would help her too.

[@brightpage1020]

No. No contact with him helps her. She’s a big girl and can find alternate, safer forms of support with people who actually care about her enough to respect her.

[@vintagegirl68]

@@brightpage1020 You know that's a good point, I think you might be right about that.

[@AngelaMay66]

leave the ex alone.

[@boxelder9147]

@@vintagegirl68 I like your humility

[@videofan1010]

Hell no, lol. I don't want to hear from any man who manipulated me in the past.

[@veracityhunter7777]

I don't think this man needs to be dating anytime soon, until he figures out why he behaves in this way, and can actively hold himself accountable enough to change it. He's very immature. All he can bring is misery and have it to any woman that he deals with.

[@sheririchardson7480]

He has narc tendencies. Sleeping with one woman yet still on dating apps chatting with multiple women who will stroke his ego and seeking validation from these women. I dealt with this during my marriage but am now divorced. It's an addiction he refused to break.

[@Virginian276]

Respect to this guy for having that level of personal accountability. It takes a strong person to admit that they were wrong.

[@brightpage1020]

Good point. Perhaps I didn’t give him enough credit. I have a hard time believing sob stories from these guys. My dog barks sometimes for giggles and other times when the fur on her back makes a Mohawk while she points and stares consistently until I look to check it out. Guys like this “poor me, I’m abusive” raise my inner Mohawk of suspicion.

[@natoskull2]

I personally give a F... 'bout accountability... I mean, it's ok to recognize one's own mistakes, but the best way to say sorry to those you hurt, or whose lives you could've even ruined, is changing yourself, through therapy, support groups or whatever the hell works for you. If you just say sorry but won't do nothing about those behaviors afterwards, you can shove your apologies up there where sun doesn't go.

[@marthas.4456]

Just admitting he was wrong is not a big deal. Talk is cheap. He has to change.

[@eg568]

​@@marthas.4456Yeah. So he come for advice how to be sure he is ready to date healthy way and don't repeat previous wrongs.

[@bethanybrowne3803]

The first step in changing abusive behavior is to acknowledge and not minimize the behavior. Abusers tend to minimize their behavior by saying things like “we got physical with each other”, “sometimes I got a little out of hand when she would …”, “ she just makes me so mad I can’t help but”. This guy owning up and not minimizing his behaviors is the first step in the right direction.

[@americanhealthcaresurvivor]

Also important to note that men are often victims of abuse as well, especially manipulation and emotional abuse

[@SA-ey6nt]

​@@americanhealthcaresurvivorIs it really important, because the op didn't gender their comment. Or did you just really need to say "but women too"

[@oddity1109]

He's addicted to his behavior. He's not ready for a relationship. He's going based on what he's "supposed" to be like, he needs to acknowledge his own true nature. And he needs to stop being harmful to others. If he's bound to be a fuckboy for life, he needs to own it. No need to lie to himself or others. This guy isn't ready to better himself, he's barely considering it.

[@ranmaster27]

Well, it's not good to assume someone's intentions, if they don't know what they need to do to be "different". But in order to be a new or different person not only requires self-conviction of doing and admitting to doing the wrong stuff. But instead, also having a vision of what to do AND how to do it. The part where John asks him: "Why can't you say that!?" And he goes: "Because it sounds like a fantasy to me..." I think it's okay to ask for help, because this is where everyone needs a bit of wisdom to pick up from others. You can say you want to save money, be outta debt, but do you have a real grasp on how you will do it in your situation? That's why helping others, and allowing for yourself to be helped is essential for growth. Gotta swallow the pride, and try a different or clear approach if the problems are still there.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

Exactly!! He has to stop . Just stop literally. His abuse are his choices . Period.

[@Thankful305]

Carina, YEP! He needed to fire his therapist and get one that will tell him hard core facts!! He's getting something from being abusive by lying, screwing around, manipulating---It's control--period. He might (hey troll ....just b/c I used the word might, do not come back at me, with---you're assuming, you're speculating etc, etc. OF course I am but without spending more time with the guy who would know his real motivation?) not like women so he feels justified in abusing them. I don't know, but just listening to him, he knows he's doing it ---SO CHANGE DUDE!! YES it is HARD work but he's gotta do it! So...Richie, from Raleigh--- how are you doing? It's been a year so you've had time to do the HARD WORK and make better choices---WHat's the update?

[@oddity1109]

@@Thankful305 I doubt he was even honest to his therapist. Dude needs to OWN the fact that he's a sadist. That would be a start.

[@veracityhunter7777]

@@oddity1109 YES

[@Dreamingbigbudgets]

The relationship he's currently in has already failed because in his mind you need to wait until marriage before sex and that's happened, also he wants what he calls a fantasy but had a willing partner to create the fantasy with whom he hurt to fulfil his own needs, he is narcissistic and aware of his abusive behaviour but literally has an excuse for everything. Run run run away even if he was nice for some time it wouldn't last he seriously lacks empathy.

[@lifewithlulu1183]

This call speaks to me. People who have security and are really stable find each other and build pretty good lives and then there's other people looking in feeling they missed out on some magical potion that creates good relationships and great lives. But if you hang out with those people and you do counseling and you find better friends, you begin to see a new way to do life and get new skills. Then you will heal and you will see how they are doing it.

[@eurekahope5310]

1. Great call and advice. People CAN change and I hope this man renews his commitment to be honorable every day. 2. He mentioned going to church. He could use some mentors that have godly marriages. We are molded by our friends and his friend are not good relationship models 3. My only push back on the call was dodging the intimacy issue. Twice he admitted it was not his ideal. Whether this is because of his Christian ethic or his awareness that he is using her (not suggesting abuse, just pushing for pleasure), he knows that intimacy is a step that should come after commitment that seeks to honor the partner above self. 4. If this woman is a decent woman with whom he sees a future, he should delete the dating apps. He is placing temptation to hurt her at his fingertips. If it doesn't work out, seeking a new partner should come AFTER the break up.

[@melodykubiak5850]

I wondered why the fact that he's still searching dating apps was not addressed. If he has a girlfriend, why keep looking?

[@veracityhunter7777]

Because he's a narcissistic sex addict

[@sann02]

Because he doesn’t love himself so he is incapable of truly loving someone the right way. a single person will never be enough to validate him so he keeps searching for fulfillment

[@beastshawnee]

afdictive behavior

[@jenniferjer3332]

Good conversation. I have been in two abusive controlling relationships and it's encouraging to hear somebody admit these kinds of things. That's a great first step is truly admitting it and seeing it for what it is and not playing the victim and fake apologizing to rope somebody back in.

[@gnarlyDUCK]

This has been part of my journey. Hearing it from another man is much more supportive... its hard work! Cant compare yourself against other's track records, you got to make your own.

[@minervagalvez4748]

If you are still scared Soldier, that means you are Not ready to be in a relationship again...It Means You Still Need To Take Care of Yourself. Soldier, if you are at Your Best it means You Can Give YOUR VERY BEST TO OTHERS❤ Thank you for your Service to Our Country 🇺🇸

[@dawnroberts3626]

You hit this one out of the park again, Dr. Delony.

[@dscglfr00]

I think the answer is empathy. This guy needs to feel others pain and understand what things do to them

[@carolinekamya2339]

therapy helps to kick it off

[@CJ2345ish]

You are who you spend your time. This guy sounds like he needs a lot of new influences of humble, respectful, and disciplined people in his life in these areas. This will require potentially severing the toxic relationships which teach or reinforce these habits. I'd recommend meeting these types of people at church, it's what I did and I'd recommend having them hold him accountable like talking to him every couple days to make sure he's on track and live life with these people. I'd also recommend meeting with a pastor to confess his sins and know forgiveness is offered while also getting their advice on top of that of his counselor and potentially get a counselor who specializes in anger management or addiction management. You can unlearn your bad habits, but it often takes a lot of water to fight that fire. I pray for him and his situation.

[@snap0179]

'It is simple, but it is hard'. 100% true. I quit drinking 4 years ago and have lost 80 pounds, and it was a simple process that was the hardest thing I have ever done. So true, hope this guy finds his path forward.

[@Tagatiway]

5:14 I'm glad he asked that question. I've always wondered if my ex fought with all his exes the way he did with me. I asked him a few times, explaining I've never had a perfect relationship, obviously, but there was never fights. Growing up with mom fighting, I've said i don't want to grow old fighting too. And i cried all the time in the relationship because i didn't know how to deal with it. I am glad this guy ended it. Made both of them a favor.

[@NothingForYou283]

I’m going through this now. Every single day there is an issue. He will find an issue with everything and just lecture and lecture all day. I’m trying to build my self esteem to leave.

[@daphne3717]

Did you leave?

[@caroldubois686]

When a person physically and verbally abuses you it isn't easy not retaliate. I am ashamed to admit that is what I have done. Now at 69 I realize what a waste of time. One should leave immediately. But in the back of your mind you always have HOPE that they will change.

[@thenerdymillennial]

I wish my ex was watching this... good for him for seeking help

[@sueblack5794]

Very admirable. He will get there, he took the first big step. He is going to change I would imagine.

[@GeographyCzar]

10:59 and listen for 36 seconds, “if you’ve got two people invested in making the other person’s life as good as possible.”

[@Nat_Cat]

I used to be in a relationship just like that (with me being the girlfriend). It's uncanny. And listening to this just rips me apart

[@pamelak.8064]

Ladies run far far away from this dude. He isn't going to change. He's got to many excuses for why he's like he is. He doesn't have a clue.

[@nickjade151]

Yeah and like it’s so hard for him to be a decent human being and partner it’s like for fucks sake

[@alienblackgoo_gle]

Some people can admit they're abusive & still don't change, they can't change. They're hard wired that way. They can change for short periods to manipulate a situation but inevitably go back to their default setting

[@jessicarose2548]

I thought for a second that this was gonna be my ex-boyfriend from a couple years ago calling in LOL 😬😅 I hope Richie gets the help he deserves!

[@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY]

Jessica I was so sure of the same thing!!! 😂 Should have known better than to think my ex would ever admit to what he did. 👌

[@jessicarose2548]

@@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY I know, right!? After listening to this guy, my ex was worse in some ways. He would admit he was wrong and plead for forgiveness but then go back to being abusive 😨 It was an emotional rollercoaster ride that I didn't sign up for! Glad you got out of your relationship too!

[@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY]

@@jessicarose2548 I'm exhausted for you just hearing you retell it, it somehow makes it worse when they know they're abusive or disfunctional but cannot seem to make better choices. My heart goes out to you girl

[@jessicarose2548]

@@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY Thank you! Oh yeah, it was a never ending cycle of abuse and then make up(forgive). I would tell my younger self to never date a guy who has signs of anger problems 😬 And especially don't move in with them because it is harder to get out! 😨 The good news is that I am now happily married to a man who is the complete opposite of my ex! Wishing the best for you, Kassidy!

[@nikolesparks7530]

Same lol

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

What this guy did was horrible. Poor ex. He probably gaslit her. Accused her that his cheating was her fault . He manipulated her. He needs to repent and ask her for forgiveness. At least he’s admitting it, but true change is in changing the behavior. He is unhappy with himself, and he wants to make others unhappy as well. That’s why he abuses women. It’s exhausting to be a liar, a manipulator, a jerk. White picket fence ? That has nothing to do with the question. For the fact that he couldn’t say in words what he wants . Treating your significant other with respect and kindness is a fantasy to him? This guy does not know what he wants. How you respond to conflict is proof of who you are. He’s making some excuses as well. It’s his choice how he treats a woman. Is he after just sex without responsibility?

[@kevinjackson8011]

I feel this guy 100% on the idea of what he wants being a fantasy.

[@KrystleLaughter]

To all those who will never receive an apology from their abusers: I AM SORRY. I hope you heal. This is why I use my KZbin channel to uplift and empower women. I hope you laugh again. I hope you don’t blame yourself. I hope you see people for who they are and not who you want them to be. I hope you learn to love yourself with the same intensity that you’ve loved them.

[@veeno3983]

Thank you

[@WillIam79-c7f]

What about female abusers. Why not empower victims......ah nevermind, screw men, amirite.

[@chloemichelle8299]

Thank you!!!!

[@kcourtney6826]

I think it’s good he’s acknowledging his behavior but I don’t think this guy wants to be in a relationship he just doesn’t want to be alone.

[@Bearsbearsbears37]

He talks about himself quite a lot. And blaming your childhood is not on - a lot of non-abusive women and non-abusive men have tough childhoods too, and they don't do what he did. Besides, he should surely know how awful abuse is and want to prevent anyone from experiencing what he experienced? This guy has a lot of work to do. I hope he digs deep and does it

[@jill9606]

Thank you for your service and thank you for your willingness to seek therapy and be honest with yourself. In the meantime, please do not date anyone until you’re ready to commit to ending the abuse.

[@4mr4goldfish4ily4]

Me: opening this video to see if it’s my ex who might’ve woken up to himself 😂😂

[@catslaffn]

Dr Dr Delony; thank u so much 4 making these video's. I have been listening to them 4 the last 10 wks while I work 4 a.m. to 8 and I feel like I become a stronger person. I can relate to many of the relationship struggles. But in particular, the 1st time I have ever heard a therapist say it's okay to fail because we learn from it, in your own words of course. Moving forward in my life I believe I am finally going to be okay but wanted to thank you for putting yourself out there. Kudos

[@cecilliachi]

Delony is where the money's @!🙌🏾

[@chilloften]

No need repeating what does not work for your life. So glad he has ability to introspect and use his own mind.

[@heather7440]

ahhh this work is so important...props to Dr. John for hosting this show and posting it for everyone to see. Things need to change and this soooo helpful for men. thank you, thank you!

[@landerson8223]

He’s never had an example to follow

[@Deb_Creamer]

2 ex's were this guy... Good on him for realizing and working on it. He needs to write her a letter taking the blame. Trust me, it'll set her free.

[@sandraalford6485]

Sounds like a covert narcissist that has yet to realize it I myself am a covert narcissist and your gonna do nothing but hurt this girl and possibly ruin her life. Do yourself and others a favor and just accept this and stay single...for life!

[@j.t.1086]

^ this

[@sofiae323]

Wish me ex would learn that he’s a covert narcissist. How did you learn?

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

Abusers know what they’re doing!! This is proof!!!

[@netpunk5890]

How many of us clicked, hoping our own ex was the caller?

[@rasantos4538]

Yep 🙋🏻‍♀️

[@sueblack5794]

Don't know but he is still hooked on the ex guarantee it so much so that he says he doesn't love this new girl.

[@ilexevergreen5405]

Lol

[@Famous5821]

Guilty as charged. Expected to hear the voice of my current BF admitting to silent treatment and narcissism😂

[@poopie6205]

No be quiet

[@jeanniejewel2272]

Go to an ACOA adult child of an alcoholic and or dysfunctional family meeting. The journey towards recovery,self awareness and change.

[@dp1202]

I think he needs additional time off to figure out what he wants to do before getting into an entanglement. And I think he needs to abandon all of those negative influences they mean him no good. He still doesn’t know what he wants.

[@CJ2345ish]

"Anyone who yells is a child" -John Daloney Works for Dave Ramsey who yells at people all the time. 🙃

[@brittanynorris2313]

🤣🤣🤣

[@hangrycoon4252]

He yelled at me too 😏 lol

[@bradleyrandmartinmusic]

Honestly I wonder where John would draw the line between a heated discussion and yelling. I wonder if screaming would better depict what he was trying to say, because he mentioned being out of control.

[@maje5459]

That man is a walking, talking, breathing red flag. I feel sorry for this new girl cause I know how this is gonna end.

[@frankiesmom8478]

You got to be whole before you are half. He should let go of this current girl to work on himself. Good for him to take responsibility but the idea that he can fix this while being in a relationship is no bueno

[@loliwemoyo5680]

Thank you for wanting to do better

[@freetreebees]

At least he's being self critical and recognizes the issues he has and is looking for solutions

[@tracemagace8434]

One of the rare moments a narcissist self-reflects

[@honeybee8989]

Sounds like he is really in love.

[@Mw3455]

Do you self reflect?

[@tracemagace8434]

@@Mw3455 are you asking yourself that?

[@Mw3455]

@@tracemagace8434 nope just all the narcissist’s

[@melanieb2132]

Narcissists dont admit fault, so I dont think he's that..

[@jvsaints3028]

Dr. D talks about the yelling and cursing of another as true abuse. The emotional abuse, in my opinion, is much harder to handle. Having an ex upgraded to first class on a flight and leaving you behind in economy is embarrassing and humiliating. That represents how little regard they have for you. It's many, many examples of poor treatment. The lying is such a big part of the abuse.

[@GeorgiaEnglish88]

John shouldn’t focus so much on shouting and swearing. Emotional abusers treat that as a loophole. They think they can blame and shame and manipulate and generally treat others like an emotional punching bag as long as they don’t hit, shout, or use swear words. My ex learned that in his first divorce. Every time I said his behavior was cruel he would ask “did I shout? Did I swear?” I would have to say no and he would then twist it into me attacking him.

[@vicentemendez5529]

So many problems stem from households it’s insane

[@di_kid00]

This dude has a lot to process from that inner rage, anger and PTSD from the military. And often, it's the projection our own issues, suffering and expectations onto others that spin life into chaos and pain. It's selfish af, but when someone is in pain, who else can they focus on except on their own pain and how to feel better.

[@leigh1982]

He can only feel alive if there is chaos and drama... Otherwise he doent feel alive... And so the cycle will continue. Even if stability falls in his lap, he will reject it cos it doesn't feel familiar. Point. Done.

[@StormyTuesday5108]

Stay out of relationships and continue therapy

[@kevinmiller8443]

Everyone is not suitable to be in a relationship. This guy is not. In his head he wants to be a good person but it’s innate inside of him to be what he is. Until he makes some huge meaningful changes….he should just stay single. Nothing wrong with being single.

[@AmeliaBedelia9087]

This guy is like so many men… addicted to the chase, not the prize. Women, never give a man what he thinks he wants. Give him the chase he needs. That’s fun.

[@boxelder9147]

You go girl!!

[@dhritikapoor2897]

That’s fun for a few weeks. Normal people just want to have a stable normal life with a mature person and not hunger games season 10

[@bethanyheyde805]

Props to him for being willing to admit this.

[@TheGayStoic]

He should watch the movie REDEEMING LOVE. He will see what real hardworking committed love looks like. That movie offers a great vision for how a man of character loves.

[@veracityhunter7777]

But that's not real life. It is a movie. Part of his problem is that he lives in a fantasy world, and you're recommending more fantasy.

[@ajtheeotaku8261]

I legit watch this every day

[@boxelder9147]

This particular one?

[@mandysimmons2769]

Wonderful to try to change.

[@flowersforme375]

So this guy treats this woman horribly, they breakup and he gets to move on like nothing happen and be happy? Where is the justice?! That poor ex who is left traumatized. I don’t he should be happy.

[@jeradkiester698]

"Abuse" is used very frequently, "Trauma" too.... there seems to be a very drastic spectrum of behaviors that all use these terms.

[@mtwata]

I'm thinking of calling Dr Delony so I can hopefully hear at least once in my life that someone is proud of me 🤔

[@AlexBobalexRavenclaw]

Do it! Do it! I suppose it depends on what’s to be proud of, but call in if it will help you!

[@patp9819]

I'm proud of you

[@ilexevergreen5405]

💖

[@Melly16yr10]

Military？ figures. I have always heard army men were more likely to harm their lovers more the other men.

[@Mrs.Buttercup_]

Very good at minute 12 and beyond.

[@lynn7348]

Starting today I will never raise my voice...I love that.

[@dvelop4975]

Sounds pretty similar but I'm making amends and growing every day! Head up all you lads and keep at it

[@brightpage1020]

What he wants is: 1) a white, picket fence 2) a dog 3) $10 Million Not one of this is or involves: - A wife - a woman - an honorable relationship - a relationship of integrity - anything that requires taking responsibility, or consistently performing hard work He might do better to get honest with himself that a lasting relationship might not be what he’s capable of because it’s probably not what he actually wants. It wasn’t even listed in his top 3 goals, self-described. He doesn’t have a good relationship because he doesn’t want one. If he wants one, he has to grow up and mature and if he’s not willing to do that, then that’s a clear choice nobody has to be ashamed of for making honestly. As long as he’s honest about that, it’s perfectly respectable choice. Not abusive except if he lies or manipulates people. Being honest is part of growing up. Being able to have all the fun of dating around without owning the responsibility for himself or his decisions by lying about it to his partners will wind up eventually only fooling himself. His friends might mature and leave him in the dust. I’ve seen guys like him at 45 having to hang out with 18 - 23 years olds because their friends moved on in life from immaturity (or died of those types of decisions). At a certain point, it’s not funny or cool. It’s just desperate and sad. The young folk using the older fella for alcohol access or whatever. And the old dude using the young for - your imagination can fill in the blanks. Grow up or shut up, Buddy. Stop whining and make a change toward respect: for yourself at least, if not for others. HIV / AIDS is making a recent comeback among folks dicking around, among other things. Self respect grows out of self-control. When you respect yourself, others will follow, and you’ll be able to lead with integrity: a $10 million dollar business or a family, if that’s the choice you make. Make it with integrity. Or keep docking around - plenty of women are into men who do that honestly. He wants the quality of woman who requires commitment without having to honor that as a value. That’s his loss, ultimately, and his choice. If he wants new results in his life, he needs to make fresh choices. Right?

[@moewilson4605]

I think he is half way there to being the best boyfriend and some day husband because he is admitting his faults and taking responsibility for his actions.. How many people go to see a therapist or call in to a show for help? Many don’t have the courage and more than that it is also because they don’t care to become a better person. I hope he finds peace and happiness with himself.

[@BonaFideWildLife]

Be the change you wish to see! You can absolutely create the life you want and deserve. Everything is a choice.

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

Min 10:14 Great video! 1 Cor 15:33 Min 11:01 Very good insight ❤ It makes sense it is hard to believe the bar can raised if you've never seen it done.

[@Christian-tb5qx]

Wow good way navigating thru that Dr Delony

[@FEVERDREAM889]

I hope this dude stayed out of the dating pool. So many excuses. So many roadblocks in his mind. No good examples. Hiding behind his military service as an excuse because he knows it gets him sympathy points immediately. He has this perfect thing in his mind, and when she fails to hold up, here comes the abuse. Ladies, don't fall for the "I'm trying to get better trap." It's usually a front to be able to continue their abuse. Do not commit until they prove for a good long time that they are changed.

[@bethanyboothe4817]

He’s running from something not toward something.

[@tespese]

I have never wanted someone to see a comment so badly....GOOD RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO SO SO POSSIBLE AND WORTH IT..if you are a Christian that good relationship starts with you and God....let Jesus love you..look to the bible and then to your life..I PROMISE you as a Christian it is YOUR PORTION to have good healthy loving relationships especially a marriage.

[@FortressOfTheWolfMoon]

I’m seven months pregnant and in emotional abuse hell. It’s hard to even be able to function thin in turn leads to more attacks. I can’t take it and healing whenever I’ll get to do that is going to take time. I’m just so beaten down.

[@funmir4440]

Nothing wrong with a counselor asking how things make him feel. An abuser is not used to being congruent with their emotions. It’s actually an applicable question for this guy.

[@ez2u1]

excellent advice.... thank you so helps

[@christinamarti4441]

Absolutely my respects to him he’s repeating his dad all over again

[@brightpage1020]

He can get a picket fence and some white pain t at Home Depot, a dog at the shelter, and $10 million from robbing a bank. None of these requires a loving, respectable relationship with a woman, himself, or anyone else.

[@veracityhunter7777]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@2davivadiva]

Is he a narcissist? He legit may have NPD. I could see a therapist missing that dx.

[@DannaShaffer]

The fact he’s admitting his behavior and his selfishness, AND the fact that he masks as someone better to get what he wants says a lot. There’s hope if you can admit the behavior. Although, he’s just admitting the surface stuff. Emotional abuse is much deeper and more insidious than he’s even willing to admit yet. He needs ongoing therapy and to learn how to actually love someone outside of himself instead of as an extension of himself. Basically, he has to learn what real functioning empathy is to get better.

[@AnnabelleC888]

Great chat, as always.

[@dachater1]

We need some more counselors like John! A lot of counseling is just lame.

[@angelaramseyrobinson4407]

I liked a lot of what he said, but I wouldn’t assume his therapist isn’t good or holding him accountable, or he probably wouldn’t be able to admit his behavior and be working on change.

[@danielreyes7585]

Great listen !

[@lisalee2885]

Sadly he speaks for many men. They need to heal before being in a relationship.... Do you first 😁🙏😁

[@boxelder9147]

Both sexes dont you think?

[@unanorman5597]

Hi before u go in a relationship first go for anger classes leave the relationships for a moment and work on urself

[@Yfc1234]

What do you want? I asked myself this question after a failed relationship and even wrote an medium article about it, titled: "Reflections: A Life of Meaning, Purpose, and Happiness. My search for meaning."

[@videofan1010]

Side note: he sounds 45.