Can You Recover From Major Life Mistakes?

[@Ell5589]

I agree, as a woman, don’t tell your wife.

[@lindagliott5838]

But never lie to her ever again. There is no need to hurt her for your evil thoughts

[@IFBBProYeo]

I agree. I would never be able to un-feel what that would do to me. Because once I know that switch is in him, it doesn't just turn off. I agree with john- we are all still red blooded humans. We see the opposite sex. But he needs to go home & use that energy to spoil and spice up his wife! You protect yourself from mistakes. It's clear he hasn't had a crush in a while, so it probably felt wild. I'm glad he went to a good man to talk about it!

[@b12deficient24]

@@lindagliott5838 Having a crush on someone isn’t “evil” for f’s sake.

[@genelewis2481]

Attraction is not under our control but what we do about it is 1000% our choice!

[@whitneyw.7919]

It kind of is under our control. You can just choose to immediately think about something else and not indulge it, that's what you should do if you're married

[@genelewis2481]

@@whitneyw.7919 yes but that doesn’t mean you’re not attracted. It just means you know what it is and you ignore it like any happily married person should.

[@eljoshsfgaming6335]

@@whitneyw.7919it’s unrealistic to think that we can just control ourselves to not look at other people 100% of the time. It’s also just unsustainable. It’s easier and more effective to monitor our own behavior and find ways to deal with it while remaining faithful to our person

[@Silirion]

Vibing, and feeling attraction is Natural. What We do with it is up to the individual.

[@carriebell3566]

This!

[@truckingwithtobee]

DONT HURT YOUR WIFE! Your job is to protect her! Don’t hurt her this will irrevocably damage your marriage!

[@miniskillet0587]

Not to mention her psyche. 😢

[@stephanie579]

Keep your contact with your coworker professional … share very little spend very little time with her … my husband just told me he had a 2 yr affair with a woman from work and it has destroyed us … stay away from someone you are attracted too … RUN unless your ready to lose your wife 😡😡😡

[@laveraharper9698]

A big, big AMEN 🙏

[@IFBBProYeo]

I'm so sorry 😔

[@dachater1]

First caller - good on you John for saying what flies in the face of popular culture. Popular culture is not in favour of good wholesome marriages and family!

[@carriebell3566]

Do NOT tell your wife, man, especially if you’re not planning on following up on the crush. You’ll destroy her peace which will destroy yours.

[@rubenwatson1723]

Yes!

[@homegrownstranger4661]

Yes. You can recover from most life mistakes. Although, it takes years. Divorce, financial follies, job loss, it all takes time to recover from.

[@staleydu1]

So from one who has been there, and thought that my relationship with a co-corker was different, that we were soulmates and the rules didn't apply to me, let me tell you they do. I'm seven years removed from it and it was nothing more than textbook. Set up boundaries with this gal, or don't. But it you think you continue down this route and you'll be fine, you won't. It will destroy everything. And then you'll get to recover. Far better to never go down that path.

[@raspberrykissable]

Thank you for sharing. Did you divorce? And how did you recover?

[@staleydu1]

@@raspberrykissable I didn't. My wife and I went to therapy that was designed specifically for an individual and couples that were hit by betrayal. It has taken years to get to a point where we are building a better relationship than we ever had. And there have been so many times when I thought it was over. But to her everlasting credit, she was committed, much more than I at first. And it was literally a revelation one morning where I realized that my affair was no different than all of standard, run of the mill crap you hear about. But for the longest time, I was convinced it was different. It wasn't. I'm truly fortunate to be where I am, but I made things much harder than they needed to be.

[@CC12398]

If it had been your wife who stepped out ,do you think you would have been able to overcome it without resentment? (No judgement) I personally am not sure if I could. I do think men, inherently have a harder time recovering than women. (In any kind of breakup)

[@staleydu1]

@@CC12398 It's a great question. I'm not sure I would have been able. I have learned that you don't know what you would do until you're in the situation, but knowing me, that would be a big ask.

[@CC12398]

@@staleydu1 Well I think you are a lucky man and it sounds like you deserved the forgiveness:-)

[@zitroanor]

Its a decision to entertain the fantasy or to redirect your thoughts to your great marriage

[@benascg-ll7sq]

Not sure how great the marriage is. If it were, the coworker wudn't have caught the guy's eyes. The challenge is how to make the marriage great again. And as Dr John reminds us, there are seasons in a marriage...

[@susyQ564]

what??? Only 135 people watching this you guys need to share this with everybody. This guy needs a bigger audience because everybody is messed up today. Share with everyone you know

[@thegenxgamerr]

If the Ramsey network hadnt adopted an anti male stance in the last few years he would be close to a million subs by now. I mean the first caller (a male) is calling for help on an issue and within the first 5 min of the call Delony is calling him dishonest and "kinda of a coward". All with a laugh and a grin of course, but what person (male or female) would want to ask a dr for help that flavors their response by calling the patient names?

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@thegenxgamerr I don’t think they are anti male but they definitely are harder. The reason why just listen to the third caller for the answer. Also gender to gender it’s easier to be harder and as Delony always say as a trained counselor he adopted Terry reals way which is to take sides. They still do give objective advice to men and help them out through life crisis so you can’t say they are anti male.

[@Squirrel-zq6oe]

Yo SERIOUSLY!! So true!

[@thegenxgamerr]

@@flashthecorgi2053 been listening to Dave Ramsey for more than a decade. A woman calls, and they are princess they are, sweetheart they are cherished. The man calls in they are living in their parents basement, Bubba I mean, even in this call from Delony he’s insulting the caller within the first five minutes, calling him a coward. Why would any man subject himself to that? There was a time when the Ramsay net work try to uplift everybody. That’s not the case anymore. This is just one call in one example there are hundreds of the last few years.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@thegenxgamerr I’ll give you that you have been listening to the show WAY longer than I have. However, you still can’t say they are anti male because they do help them through crisis, even Delony told the guy he loved him. It’s not all anti male you just view it that way because he is much harder and more direct with men than women. Edit: To address him calling the guy “kinda of a coward” number one he is laughing but number 2 when he asked the guy if that was right he said he hit the nail on the head.

[@Mysterious_Moon]

Marie- Please, please leave him. You will be so much better off. You can sell the car, stop paying the insurance, break the lease and make a payment plan for whatever is left over. Caveat: In Texas- If he is abusing you in any way, verbal/physical/psychologically, file a restraining order and bring the granted motion to your landlord and they MUST let you out of your lease for free or face a penalty.

[@honeyfurfarm2182]

DONT TELL YOUR WIFE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

[@alyross2850]

Don’t mince words. Tell us how you really feel. 😀

[@MzShonuff123]

Or the coworker, who’s just trying to go to work, get her money, and go home. So sick of men thinking work is a place for them to meet women. Women are just there to work like everyone else

[@LifeBetweenTheDash]

He would be stupid to do so. He bares his soul and feels better and now she's got to carry that burden with no control over him 'cause he's got to still go to work.

[@Silirion]

@@MzShonuff123not necessarily a place to find a woman, however you meet people you might vibe with and thats just being human. I think its great that this man called in and asked for support so he could gain perspective on How to move forward.

[@IFBBProYeo]

​@@LifeBetweenTheDash Exactly! This is a Convo for John. & It stays here. caller's heart is in the right place but it's going to ruin the brand new slate

[@ED-wired]

This kind woman is way too nice. She’s a badass mother and I can’t believe she’s putting up with this. Praying she has courage to do what’s best

[@jeradkiester698]

There is zero evidence she is a badass. She chose to breed with a loser, and has been holding covert contracts in expecting her child's father to change. She made her choices and instead of blaming her husband, she should just file for divorce.

[@Mysterious_Moon]

I put up with this crap. Husband refused to get license for 15 years. I gave up on him and the marriage king before he ended his childish ways.

[@thermalreboot]

Say what you like but she chose this man and chose to have his baby without insuring they were both serious about this by getting married. She is NOT a victim she is a co-conspirator.

[@ED-wired]

@@thermalreboot I wasn’t implying she isn’t accountable for her choices, just sad for her

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@thermalreboot You don't always know who you are marrying. You don't know many about this world as well as humans.

[@michelledemers9312]

First Call: No need to disclose to the wife that you find someone else attractive. Finding people attractive is pretty common / normal in life. Just don't act on it. If you are trustworthy, and you don't intend to act on it, then keep those thoughts to yourself. There are probably people she finds attractive, too! Over the course of a lifetime and marriage, it will happen to most people at some point.

[@nathanjohnson7237]

100% agree. My wife and I have both agreed is okay to "window shop." When we're at the gym, there's both people that we find attractive, but in these situations we never actually talk to them or do more than just notice them. And with my work, I travel a ton, and I definitely notice some of my co-workers who are attractive, and half our time is spent at the pool networking and at the bar networking, but it never goes beyond just talking.

[@michelledemers9312]

@@nathanjohnson7237 good stuff. I would add that if you're finding coworkers attractive then really watch yourself. Maybe hanging out at the pool isn't a great idea. Are the conversations going just a little too long? Is there even a hint of flirting? The best thing spouses can do is if they feel an attraction is to prevent issues from happening. No need to play with fire. No need to push the envelope.

[@heidibonjour]

Hi John, thanks for being vulnerable about the story about your daughter not wanting to hug you. It really helped me a lot because I am an intense person, like you ; charming, big, kind, but intense, and I have been trying to learn to meditate more to be more at peace so I can talk less and listen more and give others more space ; I love how you said to work on being more LIKABLE! thanks again !

[@AshleyLebedev]

Every time I enter a new relationship and I ask why did last relationship not work and they say “it just ran it’s course” I always find myself cringe because that’s such a blanket quit statement for something else.

[@susyQ564]

Eh!!!! I just want to tell you that I found you this week. I have shared you with my daughter. You have changed our lives Thank you from 🇨🇦

[@janetdiaz5824]

For the last several years my son and I go out to breakfast every week. Sometimes this means Sunday morning eating at 6am before he goes to work. We have the best conversations there are weeks we will forget to order the food. This is my favorite time of the week.

[@bookwriter4438]

Noticing someone is attractive is one thing, but having a crush on them is another level.

[@ehamilful]

I'm gonna say what Dr. John didn't want to say to the first caller: don't disclose this to your wife. It's just going to make her feel insecure. You already said that you were not going to cheat or divorce. Why give her the idea that this is a possibility? That's just seems like unnecessary cruelty. Yes, as her husband are responsible for guarding her heart giving her a sense of peace. Here are some legit tips on how to kill a crush: - imagine her having a poop after eating last night's chili. It sounds funny but it brings her humanity right back down to earth, rather than being an ethereal being. Nobody looks hot when they poop. Also don't just glance at that funny image, really think it out for 5 to 10 minutes. Ick. - allow yourself to indulge in the most beautiful flowery, most romantic fantasy that you can. Imagine that your wife has passed, and to this co-worker wants to comfort you. Now you can engage in guilt-free unfettered carnal relations with her. Enjoy that fantasy. Let it play out from the very start and very finish. Now, once you're done, recognize that this fantasy will never follow the scenario that you have played in your own head. You are imposing suppositions what You would like this person to do and how you would like her to react. In the real world, we cannot control that. She has her own personality that you most likely are not privy to. The reality is that if you ever get together, it will never ever live up to how you felt within your own head. Also recognize that in such a scenario, your wife would have to die. This may sound extreme, but that's the point of this exercise. Think about whether a little tryst is worth going through the pain and suffering of losing the person you're building your life with. Most people would say it's not. Now imagine a very similar situation with your wife. Take time to really craft a romantic setting for you and your wife. Write it out if you like. Spend maybe 15 minutes to 30 minutes. Really imagining all the things you could do step by step and what would lead up to it. Now go and act that out with your wife. - start to knit pick on a little things and apply that to your crushes character. Maybe she was microwaving fish in the office break room and now everything smells. Wow! She's very inconsiderate. Maybe her laugh is annoying. Maybe she didn't hold the door for you, goodness she's so stuck up. Maybe she's gossiping with her co-workers, well it seems that will backstab and talk nonsense about anyone. Granted none of this is likely true. You've already idealized her in your mind because you don't know her true character. If you invent her character and associate it with her image, then you will be less likely to like the person. Obviously use this as a mental exercise and don't take it too far, but there's no need to be rude and toxic in the workplace. Incidentally, we do not ever use this technique on your spouse. A crush is usually an involuntary response sort of value we have in ourselves . Sometimes people value big booties. Yes you can appreciate those values in other people then your wife, but look at your wife and see why you're not crushing on her. You have other values than big booties. Think about what values she has. Does she make your home sweet? Is she patient or kind? Do you like how her left sounds? Is she smart? Does she have a nice rack? Now make an active choice to dwell off that for 5 to 10 minutes every day. You will soon have more of a grateful part and feeling towards your wife that will lead to crush on her even more.

[@ambertorres5358]

If he and his wife are connected she's going to know. It's horrible to keep this sort of a situation from your spouse and any spouse that can't understand people are going to be attracted to other people and even have crushes on them is immature. It's breaks the bond of trust for him to not disclose this to his wife. I would know (sense it) and I would feel extremely disrespected if I had to "know" and ask my husband instead of him just being honest. That would affect trust not him just starting to like/have a crush on another woman. Why the secrecy? The fact that this has gone on long enough and is coming curbing to him enough to share with DR. John but he doesn't respect and honor his wife enough to say, "Hey I need to share something that's going on with me.." any person who gets mad at that is immature and the anger is just stemming from hurt. It's not a personal thing. People aren't designed to be monogamous. That's why love and fidelity is a choice. I'm so happy to hear that he was willing to share with his wife. He sounds like a GREAT husband. He will violate the trust of his wife if he doesn't share and has to just "know". This so not over sharing it is building trust.

[@mmkvoe6342]

I would just suggest that it's more of the automatic kind of thing for people to "go-to" where they try to hype up the person they are supposed to love in order to feel the loving (infatuated) emotions, and also try to think disparagingly and less helpfully toward the person who they are not supposed to get closer to. I suggest that it actually works better if you work on really loving, really having true concern for, both other parties --you make better decisions when you are going to the work to think the best of people you are and are not supposed to be close to, and to want the best for them.

[@naokihasegawa9243]

Marie, your boyfriend/co-parent is abusive. Please leave for you and your son’s sake I honestly don’t understand how John made it seem like there’s any hope in their relationship. She may not be phisically abused, but is very much abused emotionally and financially. She’s not safe. She should leave immediately.

[@jeradkiester698]

She abuses him too. Expecting a loser to be anything other than a loser.... then getting mad he isn't changing. She only called to get the "you go girl" bs

[@amberriley7633]

It has to be her own decision. She needs to be an adult and accept the clear signs that this relationship with a man-child is doomed and one-sided. I was in an emotional abusive relationship and it is really important that the victim has to choose to acknowledge/accept reality and stop being stuck in the fantasy. You teach people how to treat you and every day she continues to accept and enable his behaviour.

[@oregoncoastmama3004]

Man. I wouldn't be able to handle my husband going to work daily with someone he had a crush on. It would take over my brain every day. I would honestly want him to quit his job. 😫😬

[@goinggaga4ladygaga]

It’s absolutely brutal and nearly sent me over the edge

[@francesrodriguez7656]

Same

[@ashb2404]

I know I'm late to this one but... Emotional abuse and mental manipulation isnt safe either ... Emotional safety can be just as important as physical.

[@ginnicronin4916]

If you tell your wife, she is going to feel like crap. Do not tell your wife and just change your thoughts. Focus on her not on your crush or your feelings.

[@classicalgas8297]

I totally understand why the lady stays with her man. She has the absolute responsibility of caring for a non-verbal autistic son! How can she do that alone? It’s a devastating experience and it doesn’t get easier. But she definitely needs to put her foot down. I also don’t understand why people split money?!?! If you’re together, everything is together…

[@joeystewart4487]

John's answer almost every time is "Leave." Rather than giving the tools to stay. Leave is the threat to make this work like I want it to be. Almost never works.

[@Dserbs]

What? Where did you gather that? His answer every time is stay and deal.

[@cathyosullivan718]

I don’t understand why her partner won’t get a license. First I thought he was scared of driving. Why not take a quick test if you know how to drive?

[@confusedwhynot]

Invest in your relationship, your spouse, amd family.

[@JJtvee]

The fact that this man has zero desire to take care of himself so he can take care of his family is reason enough to leave. He's a child. LEAVE.

[@caycatdoll987]

Weird cause I’d never have a crush on someone else while I’m married to my husband, and certainly if I’m attracted to them not give them the opportunity to make my marriage difficult

[@nicholelesassier1799]

Great show today, Dr John. Thank you for your vulnerability. I appreciate it.

[@kanienkehakaka]

I watch your KZbin like a podcast. I listen while stretching so I've never looked at your shelf. It's actually your co-host, Marshall that I like😂

[@benascg-ll7sq]

Caller 1 : the point is NOT to tell your wife about the attractive colleague who is just a symptome of you missing something in your life/marriage. Explore with your life hiw to reenergize your marriage

[@starlingswallow]

Last caller: lady, oh my gosh!!!!! 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 And this man is a DAD?? A HUSBAND?!?! Oh, boy. Your husband wants a mommy, not a wife. Being a husband and wife means being being an EQUAL TEAM!!!! If he won't get a license and get a new job, LEAVE. Seriously. LEAVE. His _feelings_ ARE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!! The *only* responsibility you have is you and your child. This is a nightmare, my friend, and your "husband" isn't a husband. He's not. Don't do what I did and stay 14 years _waiting_ for my ex to change. He wouldn't and didn't. I left and couldn't be happier!!!! GET OUT!!!! He's had plenty of chances, he's had you ask him hundreds of times and DIDN'T CHANGE! He had his chance....BYEEEE!!!!!

[@starlingswallow]

Marie~ you're self esteem is in the pooper. You. Deserve. Better. But you don't believe you deserve better, because if you DID? You'd have left already or had some dire consequences for his shitty actions. This is INFURIATING!!! You have *every right* to be frustrated, sad, angry, depressed, tired, upset, etc. But you are way more concerned about his feelings than he is about yours. Do you see? He. Doesn't. Care. About you OR your son. If he did, his *ACTIONS* would show it and they don't. Not at all. Please look up narcissism. Look up covert and malignant narcissism. He's using you up, girl. Find your self love and self worth and leave. Please check out Natalie Hoffman with Flying free. Check out the books: -Why does he do that? -the emotionally destructive marriage -the human magnet syndrome -the life saving divorce You tube channels: Dr. Ramani The Little Shaman Dr. Les Carter YOU. DESERVE. BETTER. My sweet friend, I've been here. I can FEEL your desperation, your stuckness. I was there for a loooooong time. You aren't truly stuck, you just think you are. *if you are more concerned about his feelings and if he will be ok if you leave MORE than you are about yourself~ you will never get out.* Please look up these books, websites and YT channels!!!!

[@CaliCoast805_lovin_life]

💯

[@mv7374]

Girl he’s driving illegally 😩 if he gets stopped bc the brake lights out he’s screwed

[@carloswithac]

I learned my lesson. Don't date anyone in the workplace. I had a fling with a supervisor for a while (not my direct sup), and it didn't last long. Things were weird in the workplace until I left.

[@normantheforeman9866]

Definitely immediately take the car away from that guy, or have fun paying on a lawsuit you don’t want. Find you a real guy

[@bffoxjr]

Regarding call 3: isn't it better when parents work opposite shifts? You theoretically shouldn't need daycare. And how is he not able to pay his share of the bills or for driver's education if he makes more than her? I've got a suspicion that he's got an addiction that's sucking his money away. Gambling, drinking, drugs, lottery.

[@Rae2492]

Don't tell your loving wife anything about your crush. She doesn't want to hear this. Moving to new place is difficult enough without him destabilizing their relationship. No flirting, lunches, coffee, after work drinks, etc, with this coworker, otherwise you're asking for trouble. Just SAY IT, DOCTOR J!

[@whitneyw.7919]

On Marie, John should've known they weren't married. Married people don't say things like "our lease is ending" hahaha

[@Whatorwellsaid21]

Love, as in romantic love, is 100% or it’s not love. Maybe his love evolved into “I like my wife and we get along” but he no longer feels romantic love for her if he is crushing over some random new chick.

[@IFBBProYeo]

Shen she said he didn't have a license, I took that to you that he doesn't drive. BUT HE DOES DRIVE! WITHOUT A LICENSE!!! That is stupid on top of dumb. He can but he won't take the test... That is a huge statement

[@thermalreboot]

Good on John with Waffle House. My parents did it all wrong. They never paid much attention to me and would suddenly take me out to McDonald's or something and start pressuring me into a serious talk. As John talks about it my body would go into fright or flight if they ever took me someplace alone.

[@sara24242]

Boundary #1: you get a license before you can drive the car.

[@gailainsley6939]

The first guy sounds like the type that never got attention. Like he lucked up with a woman that was willing to take him on and is now getting attention from others (because we all know how much some women love unavailable men based on pure competition alone). That was giving me Chris Watts vibes.

[@annabouchard2534]

I hate that the show ends 😂❤

[@anagabriella576]

If you have excuses then why call to ask how if you gonna justify behaviors?

[@brandieschmitt8974]

I hope home skillet set up professional boundaries. Crushes happen in every relationship at some point, but we don’t need to act on them. He should be asking himself what about this other woman provides him that he is missing in his marriage and go from there.

[@ColleenIreland-sm2us]

Don’t tell her…depending on her personality and mindset she may never be able to reconcile what she’s heard from you.

[@stephanieray9050]

Sounds to me your like he is also on the autism spectrum. Used to be called Asperger. He is so typical, I deal with several family members with this. It’s not easy but it may be very hard to impossible for him to change. Read information and see if it fits. God bless

[@erin6083]

Thank you for your answer- as a martial artist the belt question is in very poor taste.

[@ashley-js5rk]

Ummm how bout don’t allow yourself to cross into that boundary. Don’t put yourself in situations of temptation too. It’s a choice to cross over to. And do not tell your wife that you have a crush she will be just as devastated. 😢

[@dannelle17]

When you say you’re not very good, that’s kinda like saying God made a mistake putting you where you are. He didn’t. You’re good at this. It’s OK to acknowledge your gift from Him.

[@_bulenty]

That last one with the 30 year old child. She won't tell him or change. I can hear it in her voice. She's still picking up the slack. I hope I'm wrong

[@amydecker6207]

He is obviously still in middle school. What a jackass.

[@Mari-lv1rd]

i have had husbands flirt with me and I never, for one second have thought it was their wifes fault, these are undiciplined men. I have also been just socially proper and polite to other men and had them say"whoa lady, im taken"! like you have to be kidding! i wouldnt want this goof ! but if he needs to feel wanted he should just stay home! half the world is nuts and Im just feeling safe at home!

[@alextrainor2552]

Third caller, she just likes the challenge of this guy. Ive seen this a million times, ive seen women divorce men that are like this then they get right back together. Theyre life partners.

[@amiramahgoub]

I was living believing the lie not expecting that the guy I was waiting for to get married, is already married . false crush . thinking in the plane our future home and future baby. . I'm just laughing right now about how silly I was to this lie American dream😂 a new country! Now it's a new page and another life time clean from all xxx

[@audreycressey5767]

You can look ... but not touch when your married there’s boundaries you can’t cross , why commit to someone and get married if your looking else where xxx

[@Baconmissfit]

You made a comment in a different show "Behavior is a language. What is his language telling you?" This call is very similar. "Do you like him?" She responds, "I care about his feelings." You said, "He doesn't care about yours." I'm at a similar crossroads...

[@Mia-r9s9p]

I agree. As a woman, for sure I know I'm no super model, but I know I have other desirable qualities that may be better. If I heard that, I'd say, "Good, Swedtie. Sorry O wasn't hood enough. Have a nice life. See ya." Give your head a shake and realize this is an opportunity to have a million new experiences together, just like high school or university. Enjoy a ehole new blife togetherm. You won't regret it. 💞🎇

[@elizabethbaxter7417]

The last caller is seriously not getting the great advice that’s being given to her.

[@jasonwells9050]

I think Elton John said it best some things are better just passing through before you jump really think about what you're doing play the tape through

[@misshairpassionista8378]

In my Catholic community, the advise would be, You don’t battle with temptation, you run away from it! 😉

[@bestillandknow46101]

Hi when does this show air would like to begin watching live?

[@emeraldwaters8028]

Ack. Why would you tell Marie there is hope for her relationship? You ignored the tell-the point where the conversation shifts-he’s calling her greedy.

[@LindsayEisensmithGeslien]

What defines cheating?

[@aprilwashington96]

Marie, So Co De Pen Dent Self love Deficit Disorder

[@nicoleee1980]

I don’t think it’s oversharing telling your spouse of four years you’re feeling a certain type of way. Yes you will trigger feelings in her but I bet she will appreciate that you were honest once she gets past the initial shock. Perhaps she will relate and it will open up communication to better the marriage. Kudos to the first caller for recognizing he needs help before his feelings lead him to a full blown affair.

[@Flash3-22]

Sadly my husband of 26 years felt the need to overshare about his infatuation. Worst thing EVER. Three years later our marriage has not recovered. She wants nothing to do with him. But the hurt of what he shared to me has rocked our foundation.

[@StevenLoby]

Don’t tell dave

[@thelastminmom5251]

No Need to tell the wife this at all.

[@adriavanessaagramonte111]

Girl

[@nathaliebasile6168]

I usually support 100% what dr John says. Til I hear him talk about our feelings and emotions as something we should be wary of … Emotions are the closest thing to help us navigate who we are in this world. They tell us what we like, what we fear, what we love etc our reason is there to acknowledge that there is a world outside our feeling. A world that can support us or defeat us etc we can defeat ourselves … I just feel and think that there has been enough suppression of feelings in history …. Feelings guide us towards the person we marry … towards the profession we choose … if it was reason that did ? How fruitful would that be ? Have a crush on a co worker indicates that you are alive and that you possibly felt less so in your relationship and that is a sign , an opportunity to revisit your marital relationship… The more there is depth into a relationship the more fullness we will experience.. Thank You for sharing what most of us experience

[@amydecker6207]

When you have committed yourself to someone for life, you also have to employ critical thinking

[@Lilymoo88]

Marie needs to walk away from her partner. She’s already doing everything on her own anyway, she’s basically a single mother as it is.

[@DebbieBennett-p5v]

Marie...shut up! You talk but don't listen to the advice you called for. Let your family help you and call your landlord and pay to get out of your lease. Jon...it's not salvageable because she's as childish as him

[@Pettyyoungthing]

the better body comment was so unnecessary 😭🤣

[@OM-or3im]

Btw I looked up Dr Delony’e education and there is nothing regarding him being a mental health professional… his PHD is in education administration or something of the sort. I saw that he used to be a student advisor in the past. Again, no degrees in MH. Could anyone enlighten me if i missed something? It’s a fun show but I’d appreciate the host’s qualifications/education not to be misleading.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Yes, he has a PhD in couselor Ed and supervision meaning he trained counselors on how to do the work. He did his practicum in a professional counseling center. He has years of work in mental health, worked in crisis response, and some clinical work with a psychologist working with sexually traumatized children. He also had an undergraduate degree in psychology as well.

[@itisAlex_]

Adding to comment above, I believe he has more than one PhD.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@itisAlex_ He does. This person wanted to know his mental health qualifications so I didn’t add but yes, he had one in higher Ed as well as a master also.

[@OM-or3im]

@@flashthecorgi2053 thank you for your reply. I just saw it. I like the show and a lot of the advice but wasn’t sure if i can take it seriously. Typically, to have a PhD in counselor ed you have to be a counselor, so i imagine he was one given his BA in Psych. Makes sense. Thanks again!

[@vide0sgal0re2011]

a phd dosent define wisdom... he speaks alot of knowledge that wake people up or teach them about relationships

[@LindsayEisensmithGeslien]

Guarantee he has already betrayed her

[@hawaiisilver9141]

Nothing more than a fortune teller

[@Stephums]

Unless you have intentions of pursuing this woman at work please don’t tell her.

[@selah5792]

She’s trauma bonded

[@bffoxjr]

Caller 3 is the female version of beta bucks.

[@c.m.8860]

Don’t have sex with people you shouldn’t have kids with…

[@DrExpertPhd]

He should tell her so she can hold him accountable if he is afraid he may act on it. If he is strong willed enough to avoid getting into a worse situation, then he can chalk this up as an intrusive thought and move on eventually.

[@glai5752]

Sorry, you’re not a phd or expert at anything by your advice. Now that he’s aware, he’s the one should hold himself accountable, not his wife. She’s not his mother, not his teacher or mentor. It’s cruel to burden your wife with something that’s totally out of her control. Be a responsible adult and deal the your feelings for yourself, go to therapy to get better for yourself, keep your emotions in check, for yourself. The hard work is on him. He’s a grown ass man. Don’t drag his wife into this and stress her out for no reason.

[@DrExpertPhd]

@@glai5752 If he can't hold himself accountable and remove himself from the situation (which obviously he should be able to), then he needs other people to help him. A therapist can't hold him accountable for his actions. Only his wife can do that. It's a crappy thing to put on your spouse, but not soul crushing if she's at least a mature adult out of the two. It's a marriage, not a magic pill that makes a person dead to hormones, feelings, and temptations outside of their relationship. Marriage is a choice, and if he is coming to you telling you what he has been feeling and asking you to hold him accountable, then that should tell you he values the relationship and is trying to put things in place to remove those temptations.

[@glai5752]

@@DrExpertPhd Again, it’s very selfish and wrong for him to put this on his wife. He’s not her child. It’s not her job to watch over him and give him consequences. A cheater will lie and do anything to not get caught. Why do you think that it’s her job to keep him straight and honorable? She can’t watch him every minute of everyday! According to you, since he already told her so considered she’s been forewarned? If he somehow get involved with someone, it’s her fault then? If she missed it, it’s on her? Why does she have to be the adult of the two? Your logic is so warped. This man clearly knew he has a weak spot in his character. It’s HIS job to go get help and practices what he learns in therapy so that he doesn’t go down the wrong path. Only HE can control his own mind and actions. It’s not unusual for you to find people other than your spouse attractive, smart, funny, charming, etc. It’s up to you and your conscience to stop yourself from acting on impulse. I can’t imagine a grown ass man running to his wife: “Mommy, please help me. I’m falling and I can’t get up”. 🤣🤣🤣. Your argument is so silly. Please stop.

[@DrExpertPhd]

@@glai5752 I don't understand your argument either. People stay quiet and cheat all the time on their spouses. That is what is actually selfish. If he was a drug addict, it would be smart for him to let his wife know he is struggling so she can be his accountability partner. Not that she is responsible for his actions, but that she can be an observer and call him out if she notices something off. The difference here to you is that her ego can't take an honest conversation. You said it yourself; these types of feelings are quite normal. She should be able to see that and not let her ego cause serious damage to the relationship. I can talk to my wife about anything, and she with me, because we both know that as long as we are communicating with each other, we are fully invested in the relationship. Feelings come and go and come again. Our choices stay with us..... By the way, you have been utterly disrespectful in the way you talk to me for no reason. Get a grip.

[@glai5752]

@@DrExpertPhd Thank you for taking the time to reply. You’re right, the way I replied to you does sound disrespectful and I sincerely apologize. I’m glad you have that kind of open communication and relationship with your wife. In this case, I said what I needed to say and I say it again, it would be cruel and unwise for him to tell her this. She does not need to know to monitor his emotions or actions. He needs to learn to do that himself. That’s what a mature person learn to do as he goes through life. He’s very aware of his feelings and knew that it was wrong and might lead him down the wrong path if he’s not careful. He knew all that. Now, if he doesn’t know how to navigate that, go get professional help. Do not burden your wife with it. He hadn’t done anything that’s irreversible. He also knows he loves his wife and he knows he doesn’t want to cheat on his wife. What’s the point of telling her then? If he feels guilty about it, good. He doesn’t have to make her feel bad too. That’s his crap. He deals with it. I’m just so glad that you’re not a close friend of his who’d advise him to bring a grenade home, let it go and come what may. Did you hear the expert on relationships, Dr. Deloney, advised him to go ahead and “be transparent” with his wife? No!!! I realized that we can talk until the cows come home, we will never agree. So let’s just agree to disagree. Thank you for listening. Have a great day!

[@godstomper]

I think this guy has bpd. Ya don't tell your wife. She will not recover

[@vickimerritt2832]

guy wants his cake and eat it too

[@barbararobbins1601]

why is she laughing??? maybe a nervous laugh....

[@peppersmom8532]

Your husband is likely on the spectrum, too. You both could benefit from an assessment, for your husband

[@texasgirl187]

Start looking for another job -

[@StevenLoby]

Hey do not tell her the truth . The worst advice ever!

[@StevenLoby]

I would put money on dr John cheats lol

[@CoffeeSA96]

The last caller seems like a typical feminist, imagine divorcing over a drivers license

[@Mysterious_Moon]

The license is the tip of the iceberg. Always.

[@OM-or3im]

They are not married.

[@meaganpearson2120]

You literally don’t listen do you

[@itisAlex_]

Coffee lover, I don’t think you listened to the whole call. He’s a child. It’s hard to have and keep a relationship with an immature “man.” The drivers license is not the root of the problem.

[@somethinggood-sy1ed]

Stay single. Do humanity a favor

[@kissed_by_sunshine_10]

Na, Dr. D, I call bullshit on this dude having a crush on another woman and you saying that it happens and will happen. There's a bigger issue here and it could be in his marriage or in him. Either way this dude kinda sux and needs to grow up. I've been with my wife for 7 yrs and when I fell in love with her it has only ever been her. I breathe for my baby. The difference is that I'm a mature man in my mind and age (50). I waited to fall in love with my counterpart. I'm a Renaissance man; MMA, weightlifting, poetry, volunteering. I have never wavered and I have always known who I am. But always I will love my Jenn even when I die

[@justanothermaid]

A wonderful talk. If someone isn't working with you in partnership when you are young and strong, please consider your future. Maybe it won't be illness, or an accident but we can't escape old age. When you are weak how will they treat you when they treat you like this now. 🕰