What to Do When Someone You Love Needs Help

[@LifeBetweenTheDash]

Wow caller 1. Sucks that the kids were subjected to all those years of yelling and screaming.

[@benascg-ll7sq]

Call 1 : touchy topic which resonates whith whom I used to be. The day I understood it was a screwed strategy to affirm my authority and became conscious of how damaging it was onto the people I love the most, I stopped cold turkey

[@dahliacheung6020]

Proud of you for checking yourself, facing the truth, and making the necessary change. That's rare and commendable

[@benascg-ll7sq]

@@dahliacheung6020 thank you for the encouragement, Dahlia. Frankly, I initially stopped being angry my old ways, out of fear of losing the woman I love...today, shouting my anger out is not even an option. Gone...

[@ashleyspencer9718]

THIS ENTIRE EPISODE IS SOOOOO SOOOO NEEDED FOR EVERY WOMAN RIGHT NOW ! Fight for YOU when no one else will!

[@malooskitty9124]

I cried twice during this episode. Once you told Kaylyn you don't want your kids to live in a world without her contribution and once when she said she's a teacher! That touched me on a deeper level and I bet it did her too. You're awsome❤

[@Sharksnak7]

So glad you’re still here Kaylyn! The world is so much better with you here. And kudos to that stud of a husband!

[@monaperry2635]

Sadly abuse happens in the form of rage expressed in shouting and yelling, verbal and emotional abuse....he needs to change, you can't change him, but you need to do what's best for you. This is trauma from abuse agree with John Delony.

[@acd1168]

Absolutely. She talked about being physically attracted and it’s like “lady, why does that matter?” I think that she doesn’t have anywhere to go (financial).

[@heileens]

I’m in that position

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

@@heileensme too

[@LS-tw1ng]

I was abused as a child. Now realizing this is also me as my marriage is ending. The abuse never ends. I’m tired….

[@shirtdogking5472]

Kaylan , you will not always feel this way. Its just a temporary feeling. Trust us please trust Dr John

[@tinam761]

Kaylan… my dad went through a period where he knew his feelings and thoughts were not 💯 accurate… so entrusted someone to check in with until he felt like he could trust himself more. Feelings are not facts … and your husband is in a better place right now and can be strength for you. LET HIM be a guide post for you. I have struggled with cutting and last year I was planning my exit of this world. I have not cut in many, many months… and I don’t struggle with wanting to be alive. You can get there too!!! ❤️ For me… having multiple sessions with my therapist helped a lot. 3 days a week for a while, then 2, then one… Promise you won’t self harm in any kind of way. The thoughts and desires to do it are all lies … focus on what you know to be true… write it down and read it every day. ❤️

[@shirtdogking5472]

Whoa, do proud of you and your progress

[@V3012bkind]

22years into marriage at 42 years old. I had a stroke. I had the same kind of husband. The body remembers. Save yourself. I now live alone in peace

[@harrietbaker4484]

Brave young lady Kailyn!!! You are strong beyond words!

[@bellakim9404]

Most people need a proper diet & nutrition to make their brains and bodies function properly. Pharmaceuticals are not the answer. Dose up on a B-Complex, Magnesium, etc and support his Addrenals with adaptogens. With that said, eat whole foods and stop processed foods. That's a good start!

[@starlingswallow]

Agree! The mind-gut connection is real! ❤

[@IamMindyC]

Although I agree that food and your diet is vitally important. But mental illness is real, and some people need medication to live a stable life. This makes it seem like people can eat themselves out of mental illness. And that is simply not always true.

[@tayebehshalmani6157]

This 👆🏻

[@alib7637]

This comment is so ignorant. You cannot cure stage 4 cancer with magnesium and whole foods, but you know that. So do you not see mental illness with the same severity?

[@dahliacheung6020]

@@IamMindyC ​​⁠thank you. My entire household is all about organic fruits and vegetables, good fats, healthy proteins. We eat really well and add supplements on top for certain conditions and things that require extra (like vitamin D as I have to use medication that makes me sensitive to the sun.) My parents were health nuts before any of us kids were born and all three of us were breast fed and grew up eating healthy whole foods. But only one of us is healthy. Another sibling and I suffer severe mental illness, I am autistic, and we both have serious genetic autoimmune disorders. We absolutely need our pharmaceuticals. There is no supplement of herb or food that substitutes when you genuinely need a medication. Telling people that there is has led to many, many deaths, including some people I know. The mind gut connection is real and what you put in your body is extremely important but modern medicine plays an important role as well. For some people there may be a herb that helps and they are able to happily live their lives with no medication. But it helps no one and is extremely privileged and ableist to try to invalidate those of us for whom pharmaceuticals have allowed us to live longer, happier, healthier lives.

[@Jarcano8]

Katelyn ❤❤❤, I hope you clearly recognize who you have in a husband. God Bless that man.

[@msdixieblues]

Your shows and viewer calls have helped me see that I am not alone. Thank you so much.

[@deboraharies6983]

I believe the woman Kaylyn was the woman with a great job, trying to wean mom off borrowing money, and saving money to have a baby. They had a hard time getting pregnant!

[@silksatinsilver1]

Transformational conversations and solutions today, Dr. Delony! 👏 😊

[@joshuacorbin221]

"willing to bet money" pun was unavoidable

[@tomnohmy1273]

I love myself and help me daily

[@NoTrashInHeaven]

John was on point ❤

[@mariealmon4137]

You are the best in my life.

[@bangintables]

Another great episode, that lady to wanted to die , man that was deep . I'm glad she still with us.

[@kcourtney6826]

The first caller’s spouse won’t get help because his “anger issues” are his coping mechanism and he gets gratification from it. He is aware of how his behavior makes her and others feel and he likes it. Everyone saying he’s not violent, there are plenty of spouses that have never laid a hand on their significant other or have a past criminal record end up killing their spouse. I would be concerned if she tried to leave.

[@iw9338]

And a dopamine hit with the rage

[@CormacADoyle]

Yep - being given an anti-depressant when you are acutely low, it will counteract your inertia, but without therapy, it will not have changed the suicidal ideation, and at best, you will end up in hospital ... speaking from personal experience

[@JillCox-mm9un]

I can’t love your advice enough! Thank you John!

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Man I really understood and connected with what the first caller is going through! Same cycle, same ups and downs and attitude. Just add two things: he does call me names and attacks me verbally; apologies and not allowed to ask for actionable change or set boundaries. (I used to try to defend and quip and clap back but decided that made it worse). He also snaps at the kids and yells at them. I have to work hard not to be so overwhelmed and stressed out to also prevent me eventually yelling at them when they do something wrong over and over. The second is I stay at home and have four kids I homeschool. I dont leave cuz verbal abuse is hard to prove and I dont want to have them over with him alone. If I leave them to go run errands or go somewhere with friends once a week and they are with him he already watches videos, plays video games and ignores them unless they misbehave. I dont want them with him over a weekend or a week, knowing what care they would get. At least now they have me 24/7. He does some things but only if reminded or asked and you better hope he is in a good mood or he wont do it, the he gets mad if you “do it for him”. So yeah. Take what she said and add that… I have been getting healing and help off and on. I grew up with abused; did a lot of work in college (not enough apparently) and did NOT realize the abuse in my marriage until like a few years ago and it finally sunk in last year. Been getting help and have a group of females to rely on. We had marriage mentoring but they are NOT professionally trained and believed him over me when he acted like I was making stuff up or he stays silent… doesnt share. So I was painted as the problem by him and the mentors. We needed different help but he wont see a counselor cuz they always are tougher on him than me and claims no one holds women accountable. So I guess I have to pray what we learned at mentoring sticks but 6 weeks out with no accountability and it is going back to pre-mentoring state… so I am responsible for my part only. Looking into more help for myself. I am trusting God will guide me. I have seen him deal with others who were abusive in my life and others lives… it was not good. I trust He will fight for me if I keep trying to get healthy and do what I should.

[@bethl]

I felt exactly the same way you did when I was homeschooling, and didn’t want to subject the children to having to go to him alone if we split. I stuck it out, but the children don’t respect me much, and they rarely come to visit. While things are much better and safer at home, still struggling decades later.

[@justasmalltimebean]

I hope you can record some of the things he says and build up evidence! If not for you do it for your kids....as Delony always says you are modelling a relationship to your kids!! Do you want this for them? My dad was horribly verbally abusive to me and my sisters and none of us talk to him and we all struggle with relationships. I am just now starting to heal at 28 after many many many years of already doing work myself.....I don't wish that on anybody

[@shorty4872]

I hope Marie's husband goes to therapy. I knew someone who was like her husband all his life until finally in his 40's, he admitted he was abused sexually when he was 8 😢. He has changed after talking about it 😊

[@anagabriella576]

There is always a reason

[@sackettfamily4685]

Definitely an accidental jerk ....you should have just apologized and explained your own situation and they would have understood. Wow all the calls were amazing!

[@kellymorehouse4561]

I appreciate your wisdom

[@elwiub]

Great episode 🙌

[@eetoved1758]

Seeking support 😂... The segment "am I the problem" leaves me really agitated after the episode is over. It's interesting and valuable for sure. But It's the most tense part of the show. Anyone else miss the lyrics?

[@ZuitVideos]

Snarky tone "if you're under 35 you can push those buttons on the phone and talk to somebody" ... "of course if you call us we won't answer and you have to talk to a machine" 🤦‍♂️😂

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Lol Delony is the best!!! 😂

[@lynngreen9637]

If you are considering leaving a man with a bad temper, you may want to have a weekender suitcase with work clothes at a friend’s house in case you need a quick exit. Also, if you think a situation is getting escalated, call the police before it gets violent (don’t wait too long). It’s okay to call if you have a strong feeling about it. You may also want to make sure you have close friends and family near you right now. I think you may have an even angrier spouse when you try to make a positive change. It’s a good time to create healthy routines and build new connections.

[@erinjackson1321]

I disagree. The reason folks can be stronger at work is because if their boss or coworkers acted like these “stomping around” husbands, they would be fired, reprimanded or you would quit. People know on a fundamental level they can’t act that way. In a marriage, you feel trapped, The law doesn’t hold these people accountable. There is no “or what”. There is no consequence unless you leave. Awesome, leave. Then transfer and leave your poor kids to have to fend the battle you couldn’t even fend off. How are they supposed to when the adult in their life couldn’t fight the battle? This a portion of why people “feel” stuck. There is no consequence for these guys. Their “consequence”, leaves the person that left and the kids with way more consequences than the “stomping around husband” because they continue to act the way they do. They just do it with you in the picture less. Leaving often doesn’t stop the behavior.

[@kitkat9655]

She sounds like what my marriage was like. Only he uses his mental illness to do what he wanted.

[@Maria-jo6nn]

Maybe not yet but you keep make excuses he will 🤗 I was in relationship like that he started okay 👍 after he got violent and before I got punched i left the relationship 🤗

[@SirClintonPaul]

Can someone please tell me how to give Dr. John a five-star review on KZbin? I have already done so on Spotify. I cannot figure out KZbin to save my life. I've tried watching videos on how to and still can't figure it out

[@livr7728]

KZbin doesn’t have 5 star reviews - best way to show support is to subscribe to the channel and press thumbs up for the videos!

[@SirClintonPaul]

@@livr7728 I have done that. I listen on Spotify but I'm trying to get him the best reviews everywhere I can. He has changed my life and countless lives around me in the last few weeks. I have shouted from the rooftops about his podcast. People who are going through divorces are listening to him now and taking notes to their counselors and it is helping them tremendously. The impact he is making is incomprehensible. He needs everyone on earth to be listening to him.

[@lauram.9345]

My dad was a yeller and angry a lot as well. I uses to joke with him and tell him he was going to make himself sick...he died at 59 from cancer.

[@joygarrett8397]

My father was the same . . He didn’t get sick, he physically & emotionally made those around him sick . . .

[@apriltownsend8463]

You can hear it in her voice over the phone that she's currently not okay. Something was up with that call.

[@stacyjaye6350]

Psychiatric medication often causes suicidal ideation.

[@MisterNightfish]

Kaylyn needs to go no contact with her horrible mother and write a letter to the people mom slandered her husband to. Easier said than done but what other solution could there possibly be? If she lets her mother continue to ruin her life it will end in ash for everyone.

[@sackettfamily4685]

No they'd have no way of knowing that she wrote it and not under duress. She'd have to call and that's a big deal for another time

[@FeenixReyesing]

How can we call in???

[@thermalreboot]

I feel anger with how weakly we've allowed abuse to be defined. I had a girlfriend who called me abusive for how I walked. She complained that I walked "heavy". I'm not sure what exactly that meant, but I was just walking. I wasn't stomping, I wasn't storming, I wasn't angry, I was simply walking, I wasn't even in the same room, I was walking in another room and she was upset because I was walking heavy. We have no idea how much she is embellishing his behavior, but John automatically labels him abusive.

[@John-du2mq]

He raised his voice and had a tantrum while hanging out with all their friends. That's not embellishments, that's childish behavior and highly doubtful it stops there.

[@dinajones2761]

I’ve noticed John is a bit of a simp when it comes to women… he automatically takes the female’s side which is an annoying pattern I disagree with. As a woman we can be very sneaky or overly dramatic

[@sXePunkV2]

@@dinajones2761 you clearly didn't watch the previous show then

[@dinajones2761]

@@John-du2mqraising your voice is not a big deal.. women do that all the time.. when you’re aggravated you don’t speak like a robot

[@tenaya20]

You are comparing your heavy walking with someone that had a complete melt down in front of his friends and wife??? Why would you do that? Do you somehow think his behavior is not abusive?? Men deal with your anger! I grew up in a house that never felt safe because of my dads anger. It also took me a while to deal with mine but I live a much more peaceful life now.

[@brianclingenpeel5123]

3:01 i agree that a man scraming and yelling can be intimidating. That doesnt make it "violence". Words have meanings and I cant stand this constant attempt to use more dramatic and hyperbolic highjacking of mondern english. The definition of violence literally says in the first couple words "behavior involving PHYSICAL force intended to hurt damage or kill". The guys can be a crappy husband without twisting his actions into a "violent abuser". I also find it weird how Dr John is almost willingly talking this woman into hating her husband. Every time she mentions something that he has done that was good, the doc comes flying in to shoot it down. Reminding her how there is nothing redemptive in her husband and anything that he did or didn't do is because he is an abusive monster. He keeps using words like "scared" snd "terrified" when she never said anything like that.

[@mandypdx]

I hope john quits criticizing himself. I hope your wife turns kind ❤

[@jewelzinaz]

This is exactly why I’m single. Grow up man.

[@gracecouchrealtor4413]

❤

[@yesterdayseyes]

John calling everything violence again. Ok 🤡!

[@kellyeverett]

Strange that you are triggered by his comment. Definitely thinking you have your own anger issues that need to be addressed in counseling.

[@jeradkiester698]

Words are not violence. But okay.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Literally the number one example of verbal ABUSE is screaming and yelling!

[@jeradkiester698]

@@flashthecorgi2053 I used the word violence, not abuse (which is dramatically overused as well). Battery is violence, assault is not, which is why the legal system distinguishes the two.

[@rebeccaanne8546]

I agree. It is aggressive behavior which can impute the intention of violence or can be felt or perceived similarly to a threat of violence. But no it is not actual violence. Doesn't make it more permissible. Should be treated with the same seriousness

[@peterlee584]

Yes they can be, it depends on the tone. It's also called emotional and verbal abuse. It's not as obvious as or eadily identifiable as physical abuse but, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@jeradkiester698 I didn’t say assault or violence… I said abuse which by definition is to treat a (person or animal) with cruelty or violence especially regularly or repeatedly. Verbal abuse is range of words or behaviors used to manipulate, control, or maintain powers over someone. What he is doing is considered verbal abuse full stop. Now to your point about violence here’s the definition of that strength of emotion or an unpleasant feeling or destructive natural forces. Another definition is behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage or kill someone. There are different ways we use violence and by some definitions this is also defined as violence!