My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want to Change (Should We End It?)

My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want to Change (Should We End It?)
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[@babyjessejames376]

By returning the ring, he has already decided not to marry that woman. He needs to let her find someone else.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

He doesn’t need to go find someone yet . He needs to take time to process what went wrong and the part he played or the cycle continues .

[@respectabletampodcast]

Couldn’t have said it better myself!

[@lorrainesmith.4995]

He is a hater ... he hates her. She seems normal and kind and he hates her.

[@Matt-cr4vv]

He’s probably going to stick around until she gets sick of him and kicks him out as long as he gets to live in her house. He didn’t say one positive thing about her and blamed her for every shortfall that he has. Dude is immature I assume he’s pretty young. Selling the ring I could get if you were in such dire financial shape that you have no other option to keep you off the streets. But otherwise clearly there was no true commitment to propose to her nor is there one now. The idea they didn’t discuss getting engaged before says a lot too because the idea of getting married someday is something you discuss together over simply proposing out of the blue.

[@jackdeniston59]

Do you think she will ever,ever learn to be a better person?? Or will some man always save her.....

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Relationships don’t solve your problems, it reveals them .

[@Anangelfromabove]

I learned that’s the card way. Gladly I’m 24 now haha.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

THIS. And why is it always a Kyle-!? 😂

[@broforcefreedom4936]

It solved some issues for me and revealed others

[@Ayaa29048]

OUCH.

[@jibbyjabs]

SHE PURCHASED THE HOUSE he's living in and he has the nerve to complain about her immaturity and lack of motivation. Well done John for call this excuses guy out!

[@rerungirl]

I’m surprised not more commenters are picking up on that. He’s hesitant to break up because he doesn’t want to be homelessness

[@jibbyjabs]

@@rerungirl or rather, he just like the house She bought and he doesn't want to go back to what I imagine is a small apartment or room he was renting before she let him move in. I strongly suspect he isn't paying anything toward the mortgage and most bills

[@rerungirl]

@@jibbyjabs you have a point! I immediately jumped to the worse case scenario. It’s still very unfair to this woman.

[@transitionsnc]

Yeah...I would love to hear his girlfriend's side of the story.

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

This is a HUGE issue. I missed it the first time, too. But wow… I would not want this guy to stick around if I were her. She will find her own way, as he will. Also, why do guys feel the need to parent? Because it gets old

[@mskimrn9636]

If this guy thinks that socks on the floor and buying ice cream is not living up to his standards- he needs to get out and let her meet someone else who will respect her for being ambitious enough to purchase her own home.

[@elainebmack]

A home he's living in for his convenience while he tries to "improve" her.

[@lindalund9621]

@@elainebmackyes it is quite scary

[@lalacoqui3729]

Good point!

[@mirabella2154]

"She goes grocery shopping and comes home with ice cream" "Cool, but you eat it." "Yeah, I do." 🤣🤣

[@SuperMissconfident]

😂😂😂 that part took me out too

[@TheQuintessentialMillennial...]

👆.sᴇɴᴅ ᴀ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴛᴇʟᴇɢʀᴀ'ᴍ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ✍️🤙Dr_john_delony

[@evanl889]

Classic enabling. She wants to live like that so she is trying to drag him down too. Just like someone at a bar pressuring everyone else to go drink for drink with them.

[@sallyhemings2295]

She forced the ice cream 🍨 down his throat 🥄 😭

[@addiskassa5165]

She should grab something to cook! That the girl he needs to marry

[@victoria_gi]

I can't believe he's living in her house rent-free and then expecting her to change her life to what he wants. Either commit or move out and stop wasting this woman's time

[@Feliciations]

Seriously. These kind of dudes are all the same. Leeching off of her because he needs a mommy.

[@denisedevoto5703]

You can't change people. When are people going to learn this simple fact?

[@TC-yx1qt]

you don't know the whole story, maybe she refinanced and has no equity, and maybe he's paying for some part of the housing. She could be terrible at managing money... don't females contribute like 75% of all consumer debt besides?

[@alwaysyouramanda]

How is a man losing in a system made by men for men..?

[@Jeremy-wp4yh]

@@Feliciations I find this ironic. Men have been providing for decades and they've never referred to their wives as "leaches". Why is it that when a woman earns money the guy is a leach?

[@chernagast6754]

"I don't understand why I can't chisel her into what I want her to be for my benefit!"

[@0104blackpearl]

Exactly

[@emmarose6590]

He returned the ring… he’s made his decision and she deserves to know

[@jennifert2953]

Spot on. He thinks he’s better. Hope that girls pushes him out before he does.

[@therambler3055]

this is literally every other girl that calls into the show 😂

[@jurikowhy359]

He probably doesn’t have another place to stay or money to get an apartment, that’s why he doesn’t want to leave

[@lindalund9621]

He does not even say He loves Her or like Her at all

[@karil6461]

He sounds like a bum

[@flowersforme375]

That’s not true. So judgmental.

[@Morenita570]

He wants her to be a submissive provider. He’s worried about losing his current lifestyle. Hopefully, he moves on without sucking her dry or unaliving her.

[@lindalund9621]

I really hope it

[@kellharris2491]

He makes his goal, their goal and then he is mad she isn't doing it with him. Then he blames her for 'sabotaging' him. Bro fix yourself and stop putting it on her. You are living in her house. Get your own money together. She isn't the problem.

[@0104blackpearl]

So true

[@alwaysyouramanda]

He’s trying to be King of HER castle 🤮 I can imagine the effort of putting socks into a hamper is less than if not equal to that off demanding it be done..

[@therambler3055]

@@alwaysyouramandathis is literally every other girl that calls into the show 😂

[@therambler3055]

this is literally every other girl that calls into the show 😂

[@BagznBirdz]

So he got a girlfriend that ticked some of his boxes and now he's trying to force her to tick the rest of them for him. She's reluctant and probably damn tired of him demanding her to do stuff to please him. It's never going to work.

[@missjackson_]

So many people are in relationships with people they don’t even like! It’s maddening!

[@mybdayis420]

He wants to end things he just doesn’t want to start over.

[@d.c.d.8985]

He doesn’t care about starting over, he just doesn’t want to be homeless. He is mooching off of her and then has the audacity to complain about her financial responsibility.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

@@d.c.d.8985she sounds lazy, unmotivated and a slob. Extremely unattractive….. he sounds like he’s on top of it ! And he needs to move back to his place and find a woman that he can Be attracted to. He’s not mooching off of her. The plan was to move in together… and now he needs to leave… but the fact that he expects her to eat his mind is actually super toxic and immature as well and he needs to leave her so she can find someone else who doesn’t mind her socks on the floor

[@d.c.d.8985]

@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 She’s a homeowner and he’s homeless. So she can’t be that unmotivated or lazy. And they didn’t make a plan to move in together. She already owned a home and he moved in with her when he lost his apartment (aka became homeless(. The fact that you think the homeless man is the catch in that relationship says way more about you than it says about her. And he’s not going to leave because he doesn’t have anywhere to go. He’s literally mooching off of her and exaggerating her alleged flaws to make himself feel better for being a worthless user and you fell for it hook, line and sinker. You probably send money to Nigerian princes who only need you to Western Union $300 to unlock their billion dollar inheritance lmao 🤣 you’re way too gullible. I bet men use and abuse you in every way possible.

[@iStorm-my5fp]

Or movebout

[@d.c.d.8985]

He isn’t attracted to her because of her weight. It has nothing to do with her health, but he realizes saying “I don’t want to marry my girlfriend because I think she’s too fat but I don’t want to break up with her because I enjoy the financial benefits” shows him to be a user and a jerk. So he’s just making up all of these random things she’s supposedly not doing and conveniently glossing over the fact that he also isn’t doing those things and doesn’t have his own place and is mooching off of her generosity

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

Bingo. Is she perfect? Heck no! But he is soooo glossing over here it is hard to listen to

[@lauramaria99999]

YESSSS!! This is exactly it!!

[@CMM726]

I’m not sure if it’s financial benefits, I agree with everything else you said but I also think he loves her as a person and doesn’t want to lose the relationship. He bought a ring and wanted to marry her at one point. I think he’s not attracted to her now and that’s a total deal breaker for him. A lot of women don’t understand how virtual men are and how important weight and looks are to them. It’s not politically correct for men to speak up and tell that truth, and so many women aren’t aware same lose ) otherwise good) relationships because of this. Obesity is out of control in America and something really needs to be done.

[@gerardomorales4078]

"Are you projecting your lack of discipline on her?" is huge! Ive learned that you have to lead the life you want to live, and not expect your partner to pick up thebslack where you think you're falling short in your life.

[@Ayaa29048]

Damn. yes.

[@FrogeniusW.G.]

Good sentence, "Being unclear is unkind".

[@dmskeetify]

A relationship is not about "being on a program"

[@Feliciations]

EXACTLY.

[@sgp1489]

Watching while eating ice cream and thinking about doing laundry

[@trixie9777]

😂😂😂 cute! 😂😂😂 me too!

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

@@trixie9777I love you guys 😂🎯

[@Crybaby-Media]

Marriage material 😏

[@sgp1489]

@@Crybaby-Media Certainly not! Take that back!

[@diplomat2623]

I LOVE how he held BOTH of them accountable. 🤯

[@libbylee9-997]

She ain't there to defend herself from these perceived slights and faults her boyfriend finds in her. That asshole can chode up, and move out of the house he's freeloading in so that money making woman can find a real man who doesn't secretly blame her for his relationship problems.

[@kayn2756]

He souds so controlling and highly critical. He sees things as black and white, no grey areas. He wants a woman who is more like him, which is a bad idea. People rarely change, they mature with time maybe. Dude needs to be single and build himself up so he is ready for the next relationship.

[@xsgtxbigboy1655]

From this call how tf did you get controlling lmao your assumptions are insane

[@TC-yx1qt]

Not controlling it's called leading a relationship? Or do you not believe that the man should lead? He should drop her because she's fat or obese and makes bad financial decisions.

[@Diashi1267]

Whenever a man has a preference or standard it’s labeled as “controlling”

[@michelehaan3738]

He’s describing the first year of nearly every marriage…you drive each other nuts learning to live together…but then, BECAUSE YOU MADE VOWS AND YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE BY THEM, you start coming to an agreement on things, you realize you’re better people for choosing to stop being so selfish. This call is classic for why living together is stupid if you want forever…

[@monomorris6599]

Ur so fucking dumb if you think people shouldn’t move in together before they get married lol

[@0104blackpearl]

Couldn’t agree more, been there, done that!

[@chaselesser3191]

@@0104blackpearlWhat if we still have those issues. She hates cleaning. She has never cleaned the fridge, I have several times, never cleans appliances, I have. Never cleans the ceiling fans. I have cleaned the bathrooms a few times. Once she took the initiative to clean 1 bathroom. And am then said,” I cleaned this one, you got the other one” she cleaned the easier one. She cooks, I wash dishes. So she NEVER washes dishes. Even if she cooks for other people, I can’t think of the last time she’s cleaned both out toddlers bottles. The would usually stink and she is still trying to mix milk in them. She has asked me to cook. So I say, ok. But you have to clean. She says nothing and proceeds to cook. Am I the problem? She thinks I am the problem.

[@chaselesser3191]

@@0104blackpearlWhat if we still have those issues. She hates cleaning. She has never cleaned the fridge, I have several times, never cleans appliances, I have. Never cleans the ceiling fans. I have cleaned the bathrooms a few times. Once she took the initiative to clean 1 bathroom. And am then said,” I cleaned this one, you got the other one” she cleaned the easier one. She cooks, I wash dishes. So she NEVER washes dishes. Even if she cooks for other people, I can’t think of the last time she’s cleaned both out toddlers bottles. The would usually stink and she is still trying to mix milk in them. She has asked me to cook. So I say, ok. But you have to clean. She says nothing and proceeds to cook. Am I the problem? She thinks I am the problem.

[@0104blackpearl]

@@chaselesser3191 you guys should get a dishwasher. The least she could do is rinse and load ‘em at the least. It sounds a lil selfish to me, but sounds like she is not willing to budge. As far as deep cleaning have you thought about hiring help to get that done? Maybe there’s a different chore that she can pick up, and do instead. You guys can compromise in that way. That would be my advice.

[@jackie.mendoza]

When John called him out on the ice cream, shhhheeeeesh.

[@fr664]

I’m in a similar relationship as he. My partner eats out all the time, gambles, don’t save any money, doesn’t clean up after himself. I on the other hand is about becoming debt free, working out and keeping a clean house. I’ve talked to him about paying off his debt and doing better with his money a couple times but he has no interest. I’ve finally left it alone and have accepted the fact our time together is limited. He is not the one!

[@constable1501]

How did it go? Did you break up?

[@lauramaria99999]

Leave him!!!!

[@bcent5758]

Don’t waste another day. Move on.

[@tpeopleway]

I’m glad you have decided you are not compatible.

[@mrhonda84]

LOVE IS A COMMTMENT. Not just some feelings. Not a diet, or picking up your laundry.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

Marriage might be..

[@toscadonna]

So dude is climbing up in the back of a woman who’s a provider and owns the house, and it’s not good enough for him? Maybe she’s tired from working and paying the bills and doesn’t feel like exercising? Maybe he should get a job and pay the bills, so she’ll have more energy to clean HER house and exercise? Dude wants to be the man of his girlfriend’s house. Clown isn’t breaking up with her, until he’s found another sucker to live off of.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

He wants to tell her how to spend the money she was slaving away for-!? If he wants her to listen to him like he’s her boss, he should try paying her more than what her boss pays 💅

[@Jeremy-wp4yh]

@@alwaysyouramanda now reverse the roles and imagine a guy tells his wife this. Lol.

[@lauramaria99999]

EXACTLY!! This man is so entitled its sick

[@Flash3-22]

The comment about mind reading hit home. My partner resented me for expectations that were not shared. He really needs to move on - that woman deserves someone who accepts her where she is in her life now.

[@Gingerrrrsnapps]

If she ever learns he was going to ask and then didn't and returned the ring. that relation is gonna be broken.

[@joyaustin6581]

Women are nosy she probably already knows he bought it.

[@leahboynton1280]

I was married to a man like this. He does think he's better than his girlfriend. He doesn't like her or himself. I hope he gets out and gives her a chance to find someone who loves her as she is and he finds someone who is more compatible for him.

[@jennyf308]

When did it stop being common knowledge that you can't enter into a relationship with someone hoping to change them? Great advice John.

[@monsitime9370]

Wait!?! She has a house and he doesn’t??? So she has established herself financially and he hasn’t? So who is actually improving? I think he needs to step it up then, I’m assuming that’s why he bought the ring in the first place

[@alwaysyouramanda]

Sounds like he’s desperate to be better than her in his own mind’s eye so that when he leaves for someone he’s actually attracted to, he doesn’t have to be the bad guy that was just using her as a place holder and meal ticket.

[@therambler3055]

this is literally every other girl that calls into the show 😂

[@annah3359]

He’s a kept man. He thinks he wants to get in shape, but blames the ice cream for his failure. He needs to grow up and buy his own place. Then get in shape, stay in shape and find someone with the same values regarding eating healthy. Don’t mooch off his girlfriend and then nitpick her to death.

[@Jeremy-wp4yh]

She wants to be fat

[@ladypink3473]

Uncle Ramsey says to be on the same page about these 4 things: 1. Money 2. Kids 3. Family Involvement 4.Belief/Religion

[@112887db]

@@sussannerandall85 sex is huge thing!

[@rebeccahicks2392]

Belief/Religion seems to be the one where you see the most instances of couples disagreeing and still having a happy marriage. Just referring to the people I've observed.

[@mangodaguiotango]

My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want to Change (Should We End It?) - Yes. If she refuses to change for herself and you keep trying to change her for you...yep. End it.

[@TheQuintessentialMillennial...]

👆.sᴇɴᴅ ᴀ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴛᴇʟᴇɢʀᴀ'ᴍ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ✍️🤙Dr_john_delony

[@joshuawebb3337]

Depends where he's willing to compromise. Every relationship has compromise. He's got a line in the sand that she's repeatedly crossing. So maybe. I'm not there though

[@FTG2Eli]

Well put

[@mangodaguiotango]

@@joshuawebb3337 For sure! Relationships work when both parties understand the concept of give and take and learn to compromise on certain things. In this case, I think the guy may find himself having to make all the compromises which is not good. At its core, I think the girlfriend must be willing to change for herself and if not, then nothing will change - it never ends well to change for someone else's sake. Whereas the boyfriend needs to understand that she can only change for herself, not for him. And if he's not willing to understand that and make some compromises, then it's best to just end it before they tie the knot and add more issues to the fray.

[@lilolmecj]

His pressing examples of her relationship sins are :she bought ice cream , leaves her socks on the floor, and she doesn’t go to the gym with him. Those are completely pathetic examples. Now consider he took the time to call in, and be on hold, and couldn’t come up with anything more compelling. He moved into HER house because “his lease was up”, literally pathetic. He doesn’t love her, she is convenient.

[@analozada9475]

This dude has the NERVE!!!! 😬🥴 I’m glad he got called out on his bs.

[@TuMadre6995]

he alludes to her being bad with finances/financial goals only to then reveal that she purchased a house on her own??? WTF

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

RIGHT?! No mention if he was paying rent, so I will assume he is not

[@vytis47]

if she's bad with money it's likely mommy & daddy bought the house.

[@timmytee734]

​@@vytis47 If that was the case, he would have mentioned it. He said "she" bought a house. Stop making up things that was never said!

[@timmytee734]

@@Jeremy-wp4yh Why are you lying? He never said that! "She purchased a house and I moved in after my lease expired" He says the exact same thing twice. Get over your male frustration and stop projecting your own issues dude!

[@alwaysyouramanda]

Yeah😂 what a waste, could have bought him that big truck

[@joannecastro9048]

He sounds very critical. If he doesn't accept her as she is this is doomed. Actually, as I listen more l think he doesn't like himself either.

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

He probably doesn’t. But hey, physics expands to people, too: a body at rest tends to stay at rest. He doesn’t want to move out of the house. Also, there was no mention if he helps with the mortgage

[@dhritikapoor2897]

Why does he need to involve her in his every plan? If you want to eat healthy then eat healthy. If you want to exercise then go do it on your own. What’s with this weird “ we have to do it together or u r sabotaging me”. Trying to blame his failure on the girl. Once he breaks up who will he blame it on

[@aleksandrac9335]

he wants a mommy and dare to call her immature

[@joywebster2678]

Well in a home sharing pseudo marriage they may be doing traditional divisions of labour, her grocery shop, and him mow the lawn etc. So if she doesn't bring in the healthy food choices, your comment suggests he go and spend double on another grocery shopping, and ignore her ice cream and cookies as he's trying to change. So better to shop together and make it a joint choice. And then do the lawn care together.

[@jaqueitch]

This guy has to learn to do his own thing. Stop badgering her.

[@cur244]

If you're a physically active person it's imperative to be with someone that has hobbies that involve exercise. Scrolling or watching tv doesn't count.

[@sabrinashelton1997]

My parents have been married for 50 years. He has always been very active and athletic. She likes to cuddle up in a quilt and watch Murder She Wrote. Sorry, but there is no one size fits all model for marriage.

[@izzywox8246]

I’m active. My husband is not. It can work

[@cur244]

@@izzywox8246 Usually weight becomes an issue for the other partner and the general laziness turns the other partner off.

[@Nah-ah]

The thing is to focus on yourself! I got back on my health kick 10 yrs ago after becoming a mum and also wanted my husband to get on board… soon after discovered he wasn’t budging so I did all of it on my own and he got on board on his own later on. People will always procrastinate and point the finger at someone else or come up with another excuse to not do it.

[@nt3833]

Yes, but you loved each other before you ever lost weight. The weight/lifestyle wasn’t a deal breaker. And you made a commitment through marriage. None of these are the case with this couple.

[@eileen21]

He doesn’t want to break up because he’s living in her home rent FREE! He’s a user

[@shannon_b]

He reaaaaally wanted a part on the back and didn’t get it. Aw😂😂

[@kimberlysmith7625]

Being in love with your gf doesn't mean you're meant to be together. By virtue of living together, you've discovered that you and your gf are not compatible. You already know that this is not the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Find the maturity to do what is best for both of you.....move out.

[@ladyviking]

I hope this guy lets her go - I think HE feels guilty that he isn't attracted to her because we're supposed to love our partners for WHO THEY ARE, not what they look like. But attraction is SUCH a huge part of a connection - if it isn't there, none of it is going to work. It's ok to just be friends and give her the opportunity to find someone to be happy with.

[@bkucenski]

If his name isn't on the lease, she should evict him and throw his crap onto the lawn tomorrow. If his name is on the lease, she should move in with a friend until she can remove herself from it entirely.

[@evanl889]

@@bkucenski well you have to formally evict someone which is at least a 1 month process. Serve the papers, they get one month. Even if someone’s name isn’t on a lease if you allow then to stay at your place even if it’s a relatively short time, if establishes residency and you can’t just throw them out or throw their stuff out.

[@bkucenski]

@@evanl889 Yeah, I'm aware that losers will stay where they aren't wanted as long as they can. If he wants to not man up, collect his things and leave immediately, her best option is to find friends to live with and let him lose his battle in a more embarrassing and costly way. I'm sure he'd love an eviction on his record when looking for a new place to live.

[@alexafernandez5743]

They fat and he wants to be healthy and in shape and she buying ice cream … 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

[@TheGodfather-sp9xk]

@@bkucenskiJesus, who hurt you?

[@AndriaBieberDesigns]

This guy is not the kind of person who is going to stick it out when life gets hard

[@rosa2098]

If he’s having this many doubts, then he needs to leave. I feel that people make too many excuses for staying with people they don’t really like, because it’s scary to start over.

[@lorrainesmith.4995]

She needs to move on... HE HATES HER.

[@flowersforme375]

What?!

[@coreyfranco7060]

Hes living under her roof lol

[@alexandranatalia9689]

I love how Delony calls him out when this man is trying to make himself the victim. I understand it’s never easy to be in a relationship you feel as though is going through a rough patch, however this man sounds like a teenager as opposed to a man. He’s given up and therefore, I truly hope she finds someone who will love her unconditionally, and he gets the healing he clearly desperately needs…

[@nikkisigmon8090]

Yup. He's living in her house too.

[@ebullock1000]

Ladies this is why you don’t waste your life playing house with a “man” who doesn’t put a ring on it and pledge himself to you forever.

[@mskimrn9636]

Exactly 100%

[@libbylee9-997]

Amen. Thank goodness some people are sane.

[@CJ2023Incognito]

My husband started working out in the morning so we could do it together. 3 years later he is still waking up at 4 am and I am sleeping in. Lol Now we have a kids so things are different. But he is extremely determined and I am more laid back. Glad he doesn’t rake me over the coals about it.

[@xreediculousx]

I was in a long distance relationship for 3 and a half years; we lived about an hour away from one another. And I had a lease on my house. When my lease was up, a year ago, we moved in together. My intention was always to get married. It made financial sense for us to live together. I spent the next 12 months getting out of debt and building savings, part of those savings were to help pay for our wedding. I proposed in June '22, we got married in November in Las Vegas (thanks to Vegas Weddings chapel). We "played house" for a short while, but marriage is where it's at. And it's even better when you are with someone who you are on the same page with. Dude, run. Save yourself time and money.

[@girlygirl1890]

@reeddelgado6526 Wow. What a great story and outcome. Thank you for sharing that. It was refreshing to hear.

[@girlygirl1890]

@reeddelgado6526 Wishing both of you a happy and long life together. Congratulations on a happy healthy marriage.

[@judyperri9496]

He’s broke ass and living off of her 🤣🤣

[@dachicagoan8185]

I had to end my past relationship. I was beginning to get serious about my financial situation. It bothered me that I was still paying a mortgage after 12 years, that I was barely saving money and that I wasn't putting away as much as I would like for retirement. Meanwhile she still wanted to go out to eat, go to concerts, go on trips. She would never realize the struggles since she lived with her parents and didn't have the same worries. Sometimes you need to move on.

[@sallyhemings2295]

There’s more to life than paying bills and saving. Either extreme is unhealthy. Life is about BALANCE!

[@mrhonda84]

@@sallyhemings2295 To me, life is about being happy. (but yes, you need a retirement plan lol)

[@dachicagoan8185]

@Sally Hemings I agree, I'm 6 months away from achieving a point in my life that took me 4 years so far. After which I would like to travel and do other things that I couldn't because of covid/financial commitments

[@Syntaxstic]

Jesus are you me

[@dachicagoan8185]

@@lke4907 true 😬

[@nt3833]

I think the habit of living together is not good. You should be able to get to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone without actually living together. He doesn’t want to break up because it’s almost like going through a divorce now, in addition to realizing you sort of just waisted your time.

[@judyperri9496]

Wrong I dated my ex for a couple of years she was good at hiding the person he was If I had lived with him before , I never would have married him

[@johniii8147]

So a lot of what i hear here is he's on the controlling thing and doesn't like it when she won't do what he wants. Oh i'm sure the things she could say about him.

[@sadgirlband3048]

I am so glad John called him out immediately 🤣

[@richardv9648]

John typically find guys at fault. He is very traditional in that aspect.

[@nwandoe3599]

@@richardv9648 I agree. I'm a girl and get frustrated with John. He's clearly never encountered a female manipulator or female cluster B personality disordered person because he doesn't seem to understand women can emotionally, financially and physically abuse men too. His girlfriend sounds like a freeloader

[@amberriley7633]

@@nwandoe3599 how is the girlfriend a freeloader? He moved into HER house that she paid for, rent free. He’s the freeloader

[@amberriley7633]

@@richardv9648 The guy is at fault here. You can’t change your partner into what you want them to be. If you have to change someone and act like their parent, than you shouldn’t be with that person. I am very health conscious and I would never date someone that isn’t health conscious or over a bmi of 24 because I know that it doesn’t align with my values and wants in a partner. Additionally, if my partner bought ice cream, I just wouldn’t eat it. Not complain and blame them for me eating the ice cream

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

That’s a new simp sprint PR for Dr. John. I’m impressed.

[@kekejefferson9219]

Move out, man. And stop depending on her for your fitness and nutrition.

[@TheQuintessentialMillennial...]

👆.sᴇɴᴅ ᴀ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴛᴇʟᴇɢʀᴀ'ᴍ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ✍️🤙Dr_john_delony

[@andrew8168]

Absolutely. John gives good advice but puts a spin on it (blaming the men, always) to appease the boomer who signs his checks.

[@HALFAMAZINGTV]

@@andrew8168 Thank you for seeing this. I was at a cross, but realized that john gives the touch and release, always spinning it back on the man, never holding the woman accountable.

[@Feliciations]

He is also living in HER house, and complaining.

[@judyperri9496]

It’s easier for him to stay and dump on her

[@Lillyanne7]

I don't understand how people plan their lives so square that want everything to fit into their model. Relationships are about two opposite people, complementing each other, learning from one another, and making it work. 🤦🏻‍♀️ He is running his relationship like corporate American

[@sallyhemings2295]

😂so true!! And she’s REFUSING to comply!

[@Lillyanne7]

@@sallyhemings2295 Exactly, So she gets “fired” from the relationship and “losses” her benefits. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

[@abrahamflores2566]

That's kind of the issue on how men and women think about relationships. We want peace in our relationship so when someone is disorganized, bad with money, and has nothing to improve on its a red flag. The concept is being free and doing whatever you want has consequences, such as being single

[@umiluv]

100%. Tell someone what you want if you need something. My husband felt unloved and instead of saying something about it, he concocted this whole lie in his head that I no longer loved him anymore. I’m just super autistic and will assume everything is fine unless you tell me otherwise. I CAN’T READ YOUR MIND!

[@arthurzetes]

This was me big time. And still me sometimes. When deloney said you think you’re better than her That hit deep

[@veracityhunter7777]

He sounds like a really smart dude and he knows what he needs to do. I think it's just difficult when you love someone and you've invested that much time and energy into them. It just doesn't sound like it can work if you're not on the same path. You'll just wind up breaking up down the line when you're even more invested and then there's possibly children involved. Sounds like a case of incompatibility.

[@ellencox8415]

They're not a team. It's over.

[@Vbe796]

Exactly

[@TheQuintessentialMillennial...]

👆.sᴇɴᴅ ᴀ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴛᴇʟᴇɢʀᴀ'ᴍ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ✍️🤙Dr_john_delony

[@aleksandrac9335]

@@ellencox8415 she deserve better

[@0104blackpearl]

Something tells me that he will have similar problems in his next relationship. He doesn’t realize that this has nothing to do with her. He is unhappy with himself.

[@erikq9788]

They’re both overweight except he’s more entitled and feels he deserves better 😂

[@jeromehenry4484]

Yeah, caller sounds like a Red Pill/Manosphere type.

[@JP-uy9kq]

@@jeromehenry4484 not really, sounds like your ordinary beta millenial.

[@jeromehenry4484]

@@JP-uy9kq You have a point, he aspires to be alpha but just can't get there because women keep holding him back (what a wuss). Most pathetic excuse a man can give for his own failures is blaming any/all women in his life. Dr. Deloney was 100% correct that caller CHOSE to eat the ice cream.

[@joyaustin6581]

Some people are just not good influences on us.

[@lilolmecj]

That last suggestion, let’s elope this weekend was truly bad advice. Everything else was good. This guy moved in with her because HE couldn’t afford his rent. He didn’t say that, but it is my opinion.

[@Feliciations]

People are different, he needs to do what he needs to do for HIMSELF.

[@sarahhuse9709]

He sounds quite controlling. It is unkind to be with someone who views themself as better than you and takes on a parental role. And she may be light years ahead of him in other areas that he isn't talking about. I haven't had this in a romantic relationship, but I have with a friendship. I often felt like yelling "I'm not your project! You are not superior to me!" It's ok for him to want a partner who he feels shares his values, and maybe he should go look for that. But even if he finds a spendthrift with a banging body she may exhibit some characteristics he doesn't love and he can't go trying to force her to change.

[@sallyhemings2295]

Exactly! He said she owns a home…he was renting and moved in with HER! She’s probably financially stable and doesn’t need a “father”

[@michaelkensington2494]

No. He is bettering himself while she wants to be lazy rack up debt and put on pounds garbage. He better leave her fast or she will ruin him.

[@JKNat9004]

Yeah, we're only hearing his side of the story. I can just see it. If she doesn't want to go to the CrossFit, perhaps that's because she's been at work all day. Maybe she'd rather put her socks on the floor and then put them away in the morning as opposed to at night. The fact that she owns the house is telling, that she's probably a better person than he paints.

[@Bluesnakes333]

He’s living in fear and that fear is making decisions for him. Fear can run your life if you let it. He could learn from his gf and recognize her strengths instead of focusing on her perceived weaknesses. He’s more worried about changing her than focusing completely on himself. (Distracting from personal accountability). Lead by example. That’s what I’m doing and it has helped my relationship and my mental & physical health. Whenever I start focusing on what someone ELSE is doing wrong, I redirect the focus to myself. Period.

[@ellencox8415]

While I understand this completely and is a great mindset for personal growth, he is in a relationship. A relationship where not only does his teammate know his goals and doesn't care, but is actively sabotaging. She doesn't respect him and is unwilling to support his goals with something as small as keeping dirty laundry in a basket.

[@Bluesnakes333]

@@ellencox8415 I ended my relationship over even smaller issues. That’s why I’m saying give your loved one a chance. A lifetime with someone is bound to have issues to work through. No one is perfect. I needed to shift my mindset drastically. I choose to be miserable over misplaced socks, & knew something deeper was going on with me. I totally agree that it’s tough to deal w/ someone who doesn’t take care of the little things.

[@aleksandrac9335]

@@ellencox8415 she is not his mommy. His goals his responsobility

[@jennyf308]

Men in comments triggered - sorry guys John is right here.

[@elizabetha8565]

I understand wanting your significant other to also be your friend that you have similar goals with and do some of the same things with.

[@TheLamba444]

I would hate to be this young lady and know this so called love my life is just so lukewarm and just putting up with me as a person. He wants perfection and his dream woman, good luck dude!

[@michaelh2282]

I'd love to see Matt Walsh handle these "should I break up with my BF/GF" questions. The calls wouldn't last 30 seconds 😆

[@AprilMay.2023]

🤣🤣🤣

[@alfredcodl5400]

lol. That's a great one. He's hilariously direct.

[@cassandrastewart1391]

Ya, succinct is nice, but there is more nuance to marriage or relationship questions. Matt Walsh has a HS diploma. This man is a dr. A dr is more prepared to handle nuanced questions and statements that need to be addressed. Things aren’t always just a “yes, leave” or “no don’t leave”. In fact, a yes or no is often not what people need to hear. They need to hear how they can better themselves in a relationship or without the relationship. A psychologist is the person for that job.

[@vivianworden2706]

@@cassandrastewart1391 I agree Matt Walsh is not qualified to handle these types of calls. But there are people who have been through CPTSD who are very effective in helping those going through it without a doctorate. The same reason AA has more success than Dr.s is because they know what that person is going through and they know how to get to where the pain is.

[@katwaugh1686]

This is why they say don’t live together before marrying. The dynamic is different. Once you marry you stop judging and accept that you are in this no matter what. If you move in and you are not married you still judge them for every little thing because it is still a trial period.

[@judyperri9496]

What a load of 💩

[@documentariesbycategory1483]

WOW! I’m extremely impressed by your response on this one Dr. John!!!!! From one psychologist to another, you’re crushing it!

[@megalopolis2015]

I feel terrible for this girl. I don't think she knows what she is in for at all. The sooner this guy has that horrible talk with her, the better they will both be in the long run. Maybe they will stay friends. Heck, maybe even a few years down the road they will mature enough to be together for Life. But for now, I think they are stuck apart living in the same dwelling. Very sad.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

I don’t feel terrible for her at all. She sounds like my ex husband. A slob and no improvements on her part … she isn’t motivated. That’s just not the kind of partner I’d want .

[@aleksandrac9335]

@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 it's not about you gabriela

[@gammayin3245]

That's a good talk! Am so glad you are here to help us sort the stuff of life out with us! Thanks Dr. John!

[@JP-uy9kq]

she will only resent him. Guys need to stop this scarcity mindset. Just end it.

[@cassandrastewart1391]

…dr J is definitely a kind, just and fair character, but when this guy dropped the bomb of not only selling the ring “partially for financial reasons” but that this “gf” bought a house that he decided to move into after his lease happened to expire, I would’ve had to stop him at that point and discuss that just a bit more. That really changes the entire dynamic. I didn’t like the guy very much from the jump, but this was gross to me. You obviously don’t reeeeally want her that much, so leave man. It’s ok, she’ll find someone who is financially more stable that can contribute, and you’ll find someone who is more organized that won’t piss you off so much. Even if you do happen to find a healthy, organized woman, I’m sure there will be something wrong with her too.

[@mweiss505]

Ok let's all get perfectly healthy and everything perfect and then get married... must be so stressful to be around this guy.

[@emmarose6590]

That’s what I was thinking. He sounds like a controlling nightmare

[@bufficliff8978]

I broke up with a guy like him and hope every woman would. If you think you're better than your bf/gf or spouse you're the asshole. Leave or grow up.

[@boston312]

Whoa, horrible things to say

[@ineedhoez]

As a woman, I feel for him. I am very happy that they moved in together so he can she who she is really is. The entire point of dating is to get to know the person and see if it can work long term. He found out!!! They don't share the same values on health, fitness, cleanliness, and money. Move on. Focus on yourself and find a partner who is more aligned with where you are or where you want to be. Food addiction is real. It is the same as alcohol addiction. If your partner has a drinking problem, you don't bring booze into the house. Being supportive matters.

[@bkucenski]

She's not addicted to anything. He didn't say how much she was eating. He made a big deal about ice cream so she went and bought some.

[@Wickedtingzz]

@@bkucenski I’m bad for ice cream haha . At this very moment I have been going back and forth from the fridge , pantry and freezer damn well Knowing there isn’t anything in the fridge to satiate me or satisfy me ( ice cream ) .. I want to order dairy so bad right now but not only is it unhealthy , the prices is double with skip the dishes … it’s all About self control … I have been smashing berries and toast but better then spending money on ice cream haha . If it’s not there then you Can’t eat it . I eat 2 litres of ice cream In a few hours

[@Boosted_aj]

@@Wickedtingzzyour asking for diabetes bro

[@nt3833]

I agree with your last paragraph and some of the other parts. However, you don’t have to live with someone to get to know t them. People are not cars to test drive.

[@castiel4746]

You dont have to live together and have sex to "know the other person", you are just destroying yourself and your soul. if you treat yourself and others like an object to "test" or "prove". Cohabitation before marriage is correlated with higher divorce rates, the same as number of premarital sexual partners....and this is not an opinion it is a fact. a fact that make loots of people uncomfortable but still a fact.

[@thegenxgamerr]

This is a great call and shockingly good advice for a man from someone at the Ramsey network. Young men out there, work on self improvement become the best person you can be, stop trying to save the princess. Treat women with respect and kindness but NEVER place them ahead of yourself and your journey. The walk with you, never ahead and never behind.

[@d.c.d.8985]

This guy is literally a hobo-sexual. He is staying with the girl because he is mooching off of her and living in her house. He sold the ring because he couldn’t afford it. He is the one who is having financial struggles, and then wants to dictate to a homeowner how to handle her money. He isn’t Rescuing anything or anyone, he’s the one being rescued by her and playing victim.

[@Jo-vu1me]

He wanted to test the milk before he bought the cow and now he wants a refund. Hopefully his girl gets out sooner than later bc this guy sounds like his got the world figured out and everyone else is in his orbit

[@Chalk89]

Kyle, put yourself first, and walk away. I was where you were a decade ago. You'll never change enough, and it won't get better. A ring doesn't change anything - it's just a symbol of a commitment, that's it.

[@sharons5714]

Is he trying to change? It sounds like he wants her to change for him.

[@Feliciations]

Also, listen to the whole thing. His story is not quite complete at the beginning LOL.

[@bronwyn117]

Socks on the floor? I hope that woman runs!

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

You can’t hold/prop people up because you’ll get tired of it. And once you finally let go, they’ll fall. They have to have the want to all on their own.

[@YesterdayJam]

This call didn’t go the way I thought it would. Sometimes Dr John really surprises me.

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

Love the options at the end. All great options.

[@kylemedeiros6907]

i am far from an expert but i bet if he praised her and complimented her more she would actually do more of things that are healthy.

[@Angela-ne9cy]

Exactly my thoughts, too. From his wording, I'd guarantee he's someone who uses shame as a "motivator" and that just doesn't work for her.

[@ellencox8415]

@@Angela-ne9cy Stop. He clearly has told her his weight loss goals and she doesn't respect him enough to be a teammate in those goals. She is such a bad teammate that something as small as putting her laundry in a basket, was too big of a mountain to climb.

[@amberriley7633]

@@ellencox8415 he is allowed to have his own goals but why should she be expected to go on the same journey as him ?

[@ellencox8415]

@@amberriley7633 she isn't expected to do anything, but the results of her active sabotage, will be being alone.

[@TheQuintessentialMillennial...]

👆.sᴇɴᴅ ᴀ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛ ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ ᴛᴇʟᴇɢʀᴀ'ᴍ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ✍️🤙Dr_john_delony

[@aliparker3]

Best thing he can do is leave. I don't know why he thinks they have to participate in the same activities and "plan" he goals for her. Gross.

[@sallyhemings2295]

Right! LIVING in HER house but wants to run things! No sir 👎🏽

[@amyp66]

The day he took the ring back is the day he should have left.

[@BG-nm5xt]

He's confused about how much power he has to get her to change, and he's not sticking with the changes he thinks he wants, either.

[@evanl889]

He can’t control her that’s true. He can however say he doesn’t want to marry someone that doesn’t share his values and then leave it up to her to decide if she is willing to make sacrifices or compromises to be with him. The same goes for her, if she wants to live a different way, maybe she should move on as well.

[@jeromehenry4484]

You do realize it's GF's house not caller's house?

[@rethinkcps2116]

Very justified chin-jut by Dr. Delony, after timestamp 04:40. Dr. Delony did *not* like that answer. Not at all. He's correct. The caller is full of it. Glad he got called on it, hope the young lady moves on. Soon -

[@lauren4078]

He's not attracted to her anymore. Period. It's most likely due to her gaining weight and lifestyle habits/choices.

[@rustyshackleford6637]

She sounds like a pile of trash

[@bkucenski]

She's probably under duress thanks to his psychosis. The sooner she leaves him, the better. You can't be in a toxic relationship and take care of yourself at the same time.

[@sallyhemings2295]

She was most likely FAT when he moved in HER house… yet he chose to move in!

[@CrystalM1917]

@@sallyhemings2295 well damb

[@girlygirl1890]

@@CrystalM1917 lol!

[@flowersforme375]

He’s not a bad person. He’s losing hope.Sounds like my past relationship. When your the one really trying to make this work and have couple goals and the partner says he is onboard but isn’t on board. Longing for a connection and feeling disappointed. Nobody wants to be the parent in the relationship. It’s exhausting. Have the talk and if nothing improves have another talk and decide. You have to let it go all of your hopes and dream.

[@myahill7475]

His expectations of relationships is way too unrealistic. He sounds like those people on social media always trying to compete with others in the rat race.

[@sueblack5794]

Kyle sounds exactly like the same married guy who a few times called about wanting to leave his wife. Even their voices are the same.

[@wf4983]

Sounds like you have respect for 2 different, and in some regards opposite, things. You love her as a warm human being with flaws and you admire fit, healthy women with good bodies and discipline. Sounds as if you are aware on a subconcious level that you might not like the latter when actually having to deal with them on a daily basis. But there is this admiration for these kind of mindsets and body perfection. And this is ok - it could be a motivation for you yourself to reach these kind of goals. But to think that somebody else will come and just be the impersonated version of that - that is lazy. That means, you don't want to go for it on your own.

[@linhaton4957]

Love is not enough.