Jon St. John's Unexpected Quotes of Duke (September 2020)

[@SmythTheCrow]

Please do not ask me to do anymore compilations of Unexpected Quotes of Duke. I just don't feel like it. If you all want to go at it yourself, just go for it.

[@cloudsombrero]

Hey can you do more comps of unexpected quotes of duke

[@daquanlamar4752]

Hey can you make another compilation?

[@shanecunningham305]

Can you make another compilation

[@RandumbDoomer]

Whatever you do, DO NOT MAKE ANOTHER COMPILATION! Just... trust me on this! It's a bad idea!

[@Sarum9nich]

I have no feelings, positive or negative, about the idea of you making another compilation of Duke Quotes. Furthermore, even if i could come to a conclusion on the matter - my ability to influence you to take course of action that i see as a correct one is farely limited and unlikely will make any lasting impact on you as a person. One can even hypothesize that odds of you reading this very message im currently typing are rather slim, to say the least. Therefore, you realistically can only rely on your own judgement, wit, moral compass and past experieces in order to decide if making another compilation of quotes from a famous video game character Duke "Nuke" Em will be a worthwhile endevour. But, i feel like i could not leave my fellow man completly empty handed in this pecuilar situation. When making said decision i advice excersing extreme caution, take in consideration all possible outcomes of resulting action or inaction, as well as possible benifits, time and resource costs.

[@dirtydan9785]

Am I the only one that would be intimidated if a big strong man said "I have the proper amount of gum for this situation" to me with no context?

[@antitheist3206]

Seriously, how do you even respond to that??

[@technounionrepresentative4274]

@@antitheist3206 give him more gum

[@definitelynotizukumidoriya5746]

You take the gum, and then chew it while making eye contact Then you run because you probably just pissed off Duke Nukem

[@crustaceanking3293]

@@definitelynotizukumidoriya5746 *t h e r e i s n o e s c a p e f r o m T h e D u k e*

[@generalfloppa5798]

@@definitelynotizukumidoriya5746 I'm here to snap necks and break kneecaps and im in perfect distance to you to do both

[@n0denz]

The audio compression is perfect.

[@SmythTheCrow]

I didn't do that, that's how his tweets are.

[@joaoassumpcao3347]

Plot twist: his cellphone just has a really bad microphone

[@CrizzyEyes]

Well, you still need to do an audio effect for this to sound correctly, I think it's called bit crunching. Since the original DN3D audio was 8-bit (if I remember right). So Jon chose the right one.

[@liamer88]

@@CrizzyEyes Nah man, Jon St John has a setting in his throat for this. It was cheaper than doing all the work of porting his regular voice to 8-bit

[@MFKitten]

Sounds like he bitcrushed it to match the original DN3D audio resolution!

[@Mumphler]

Ah yes, my favorite Duke Nukem quote, “I’m gonna pass a kidney stone”

[@giovonemendoza6531]

"No it's not erectile dysfunction I'm just tired"

[@HellfireTheAwesome]

I like how he actually sounds kind of concerned upon saying it.

[@coolranch9952]

You cant forget about "My Starbucks coffee was too hot and my tongue got burned"

[@Joe-ww8uw]

Bro i heard that I was reading the comment lol

[@sijonda]

The only one I could see in any of the games.

[@RawDogger224]

"my mom is taking me to toys r u's" that was too deep 😞

[@maxwelldunday7299]

RIP toys are us

[@RainytheNB]

We still have it here in Canada

[@munkledinks8732]

@@RainytheNB wtf moving to canadia asap

[@VrpalnRIsr]

We still have them in Europe too.

[@k-boi420]

I believe there is two left in America

[@neog8029]

After every quote be like: DUH DA DUN, DUH DA DUN

[@SmythTheCrow]

Jon St. John did the same thing for his Duke Nukem COVID Pickup Lines video, so I was inspired by that.

[@screaminghairyarmadillo]

@@SmythTheCrow so you weren't inspired by the Duke Nukem shitpost god himself Gianni Matragrano?

[@dexnacorn7807]

i feel nothing but pain DUH DA DUN, DUH DA DUN

[@CrizzyEyes]

@@screaminghairyarmadillo I thought Gianni got the idea from Jon himself.

[@Ascendingashes]

I really wanna like your comment but it's at 666

[@JustAnotherHalf-LifeGuy]

The starting riff playing after each quote is UNDERRATED.

[@x302justice]

@Sproot underrated opinion tbh

[@AverageCatz]

@@x302justice Yeah very underrated

[@imza5535]

@Sproot no no he's got a point

[@bornesone]

This comment isn't even using underrated correctly

[@pacho6821]

It will be meme soon

[@supremechaosbeing2696]

some of these are funny because it paints him as childish, and some of these are funny because it paints him as boring and middle aged.

[@supremechaosbeing2696]

childish: I’m Going To Hit The Water With My Tinkle This Time. My Mom Is Taking Us To Toys R Us boring: I Don’t Have Erectile Dysfunction I’m Just Tired. My Doctor Recommended I Get A Colonoscopy

[@curple3]

So true lol

[@pertkhan]

Well, where do you fit "I'm Gonna Eat The Rotted Asshole Of A Roadkill Skunk And Down It With Beer" in those two categories?

[@olsmellyknuckles9653]

@@pertkhan a man in his early 20's

[@slayerslayer7623]

And some are just wholesome

[@blehh_mae]

never played a duke nukem game in my life, so as far as i know, these are all canon, and god do i want them to be

[@gigaboom_9618]

Agreed

[@kobi7955]

If you're gonna play one then DO NOT play Forever and instead just play Duke Nukem 3D since it's the pinnacle of the series

[@Quickdrawingartist]

All but Forever...

[@IgnacioGouk]

There is a Forever mod for 3D, though...

[@redrubydragon]

I've played both 3D and forever, and forever really isn't bad.

[@KnightofkneonSOD11]

"No it's not Erectile Dysfunction, I'm just tired."

[@GunsNGames1]

Relatable

[@theleft4dead2tank5]

@@GunsNGames1 the girl/guy must be like Somethings wrong I can feel it

[@epicguy44]

That line made me wheeze

[@CLOYO]

Too stressed to have sex is a thing though

[@eggtacleman834]

Read this right before it appeared in the video

[@wrongtime9097]

It’s weird that a shitpost Twitter account has more favor with the fanbase than the last 18 years of his actual games

[@CrizzyEyes]

Blame Dandy Bitchford. Although I do think some of the console titles are a little underrated, but a lot of them are also kinda shit, or are just straight up Tomb Raider clones down to the engine.

[@ChainikVlad]

That's just sad, that Randy ownes the franchise and doesn't do shit, even though DOOM comeback and 90s-like shooters are very much demanded for FPS-fans. Gearbox should sell franchise to someone passionate for this kind of shooters, like New Blood or 3D Realms.

[@ThePrinnyman]

@@ChainikVlad New Blood with Duke Nukem would be a fucking dream, just need to get John St . John to come back, but he is currently busy with Postal 4. I do like the references he makes in Postal 4 as call backs to his time as the King.

[@MorfsPrower]

I'd say Sonic is right there with them, what with their social media being so fondly cherished by the fans, but once in a blue moon they have a good game. Speaking of, Jon St. John is the Big King Baby. And he will save his frog.

[@bossbaddiegames]

@@CrizzyEyes who is Dandy Bitchford?

[@galxemo4747]

0:46 he never specified it was a toilet seat

[@paininthebox1291]

I fucking thought it was a bus seat oh my fucking god- *o r m a y b e i t i s*

[@ExoticIsaac5839]

I imagined a Cinema recliner lol

[@ExoticIsaac5839]

@Manek Iridius great minds think alike

[@zacharyrollick6169]

Why did I not immediately think of a toilet seat?

[@mfhs2775]

I thought it was the seat of his living room for some reason

[@dragonhunter4592]

Honestly I would love for a mod which adds these lines into the game, some of them are actually pretty Duke-like: "I've forgotten what those alien bastards did to me," and then he proceeds to murder several.

[@CRT_sRGB]

An _I'm-too-old-for-this-shit_ Duke who still kicks ass? You're on to something, maybe.

[@snugasapugonarug]

The way he delivered the "I'm just tired" line at 0:56 has me losing my shit

[@virtualcynical8515]

It's hurts when it feels too real

[@tf2engineer260]

“I’m gonna hit the water with my tinkle this time” -Nuke Dukem

[@calebcologna8681]

I love that little hesitation after “tinkle” as he stifled a giggle

[@ewangoodwin1127]

Duke Nuke Them*

[@yazidefirenze]

1:22

[@kalebantosiak2591]

Doomguy:wincing from the urinal*

[@GunsNGames1]

Dick Kickem*

[@supremechaosbeing2696]

Jon St. John vs Gianni Matragiano. Discuss.

[@2-Way_Intersection]

whopper vs. impossible whopper. yeah, the original's the original, but goddamn if the substitute isnt just as good

[@macafromthewired]

@Postal Dude well whoppers suck but there are some dope ass impossible burdgers out there

[@Daubeny_the_dubious]

Honestly can’t decide both sound really similar

[@user-ck2dc8mq5m]

I think jon is better but gianni does a great impression

[@JeanMarceaux]

Wendy's Baconator VS. In n Out's 2x4 No discuss, both are great

[@apehawk]

I've watched too many of Gianni's Duke dubs that I can't tell which is the actual voice actor and which isn't anymore

[@shaitet]

One sounds younger and the other sounds older obviously.

[@GamerSisters]

Mood but also that is actual John St. John voice acting these. He posted them on his twitter, check the description.

[@CitrusRev]

One sounds like Duke, the other is trying to sound like Duke

[@alichank]

"I'm here to make inflammatory statements on the internet **dum dum dum** And then turn my notifications off *serious music plays*"

[@HellbirdIV]

"It's Time To Be In A Happy Monogamous Relationship For Many Years" If Duke Nukem Forever had been set in that timeline, it might actually have worked out.

[@DJ_Macphisto]

1:16 AVGN

[@viktorhalaj3029]

That shit killed me.

[@duncansalyer2999]

He’s the angriest gamer you ever heard

[@akisa7865]

I'M DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS

[@evanschmitt2830]

Wanna listen to some tunes?

[@gabrielpaddock6305]

@@evanschmitt2830 Duh duh duh, Duh duh duh

[@JaggedBird]

Hearing him say the AVGN line really feckin' fits!

[@Timochat_]

I was looking for a comment mentioning it, it was a long search 😭 1:16

[@starcobra123]

Oh man he didn't do the "those alien bastards lowered my sperm count!"

[@satinsguard]

The compression makes it even better.

[@exys2086]

I mean... Isn't it is supposed to sound like that originally? The game is pretty old P.S. didn't play Duke Nukem, can't be sure about the first statement

[@stephenmanuel9860]

Oh hey, you have 69 likes. Nice

[@CrizzyEyes]

@@exys2086 Yeah the audio is bit-crunched to sound like the lines recorded for Duke 3D (1996), although there are many other Duke games with higher res voice lines.

[@ThePandaBrawler]

0:30 I can actually imagine Duke doing this lol

[@The_Hirohiko_Araki]

Ah yes, my favorite quote... _”I Had A Dream About Kissing Master Halo from Halo.”_

[@shilze1]

0:45 I felt that.

[@avaamari7866]

You should've wiped the seat off first then.

[@entity1566]

The canon should be that duke got sick of the music playing whenever he speaks, so he says the weirdest shit he can think of and the pauses are him checking if the music is going to keep playing. -This was not my idea. Credit goes to Hoggo-chan. :)

[@MeatyJesus]

this exact comment was taken from another video. good work changing a few words tho

[@creeperlamoureux]

Was the 41 likes worth it?

[@barmacidic2257]

@@MeatyJesus do you really care if they took it from somewhere else? It’s a youtube comment it’s not like it matters.

[@MeatyJesus]

@@barmacidic2257 do you really care that I pointed it out? I noticed something and brought attention to it. Isn't that one of the reasons comments exist?

[@egghat5473]

@@MeatyJesusdude I am a teenager and I am not this easily offended

[@sparkraido]

I want a new Duke nukem game like they did for doom but more silly

[@chriso1373]

And preferably wayyyyyyyy better than DNF.

[@xQuandaleDinglex]

And JUST as much TESTOSTERONE!

[@joeblowe468]

I'd wait another 25 years for the next one...

[@JoeContext]

Someone on Tumblr wanted a game where there's deep worldbuilding and characters but Duke himself is exactly the same.

[@stproducciones9140]

​@@JoeContext that Bulletstorm addon where the protagonist is replaced with Duke with zero context and nobody acknowledges it is hilarious.

[@prosaic.7944]

Love these, feels like Duke is a real retired boomer hero who decided to use Twitter

[@peteharkness6626]

i love how not only were we all recommended this, this is also like the fifth duke nukem recommendation

[@gigaboom_9618]

Exactally

[@peteharkness6626]

year later. it came back.

[@DiranJiru]

We know the world is coming to an end when he brought the right amount of gum for the given situation.

[@FrappuccinoAlfredo]

Best thing to come out of 2020

[@cannedsas]

1:06 accidentally did that one a school computer once

[@bruhmoment7638]

Ah yes, my favorite quote; “My mom is taking me to Toys R’ Us.”

[@kaspervletter290]

“Call me counter strike because i am globally offensive”

[@Adam-cq2yo]

1:16 Okay, this one's just badass. The bewilderment of it will also stun the opponent at the start of the fight.

[@The_Heroic_Bruiser]

1:11 if kids really sounded the way they sound in their head

[@JoLiKMC]

Honestly, those "sensitive" quotes are perfectly in line with Duke. Remember: before he was a beer-guzzling, womanizing, ultra-violent guy with sunglasses… he was a pink-vest-wearing hero with a laser gun and a fondness for Oprah Winfrey. Who says he can't be a _sensitive_ man's man? (:

[@KiwiMan5S5]

Until the alien bastards shot up his ride

[@CRT_sRGB]

I remember, in Duke Nukem 2, Oprah was interviewing him for his new book, _Why I'm So Great._ Shit was hilarious.

[@YourFriendlyPsycho21]

he literally can make anything sound bad ass

[@goldenhydreigon4727]

Reminder: This man once voiced Big the Cat

[@lmcgregoruk]

And said "I've got frogs of steel" in Big the Cats voice.

[@goldenhydreigon4727]

@@lmcgregoruk I need the link to that

[@superspaghettibrawler]

Props to the lad for not breaking character during these lines. I would’ve lost my shit and wouldn’t get anything done. God imagine how many takes John had to do.

[@bingchilling3914]

The guitar riffs in between statements makes this perfect.

[@calebhelton725]

Duke nukem basically is the doom slayer of aliens with personality

[@RisingJericho]

It's so hard to distinguish Jon from Gianni these days

[@funkystudent5403]

I like how he starts some sentences with "it's time" and then says something very specific. Like he can see the future or something

[@theblazingcrusader6322]

What a nice thing to see right after work

[@lewisarcher3916]

“Those alien bastards stole my gum”

[@NeoArashi]

"My mom is taking me to Toys R us" HAHAHAHA Also, love the AVGN reference

[@brodyfoxx9345]

thank you for this

[@That1Smug]

I love how the begining Duke lives a normal life and then just becomes uncanny at the end

[@chesterstevens8870]

"Time to drive under the influence."

[@_Gandalf_The_White]

I love how the grabbag theme comes in at full swing towards the end, LEGENDARY!

[@ThompsonExpress]

Duke got a massive depression period after DNF and it got harder after seeing his old pals Doomguy and BJ getting a revival in their life, leaving Duke behind. This led Duke to rethink his life choices and becoming a model citizen. With a normal life and daily problems.

[@hatandhoodie_]

1:16 Ah yes, the Angry Video Game Nukem.

[@roscoefunnydog]

Duke nukem kinda relatable in some of these tho

[@Joetime90]

John St. John is a national treasure and we should protect him at all costs.

[@wch30]

1:15 an AVGN reference, just perfect.

[@thedoomtrainer8292]

After so many mini riffs, than final one sounded so satisfying.

[@wowalamoiz9489]

1:15 is the only one in character, and its a legendary reference too. Which is also in character.

[@somebodythatsomeones]

''I have recurring dreams of being Nicolas Cage trapped inside of a sandwich.''

[@anthonymaxsalien]

*Epic metal riff playing in the background*

[@clownimpregnator]

i love the idea of someone as Duke Nukem to be actually super wholesome and groundstanding

[@mrturtletail3945]

The audio compression sounds like Duke 3D on DOS Box. It's flawless

[@pablomenendez2319]

You know, he's done so many more of these on his Twitter over the past few years, even using a Duke puppet for a number of them. I hope to see them uploaded on KZbin as well.

[@linkofdoom24]

After seeing ProtonJon’s streams. This is a good supply of quotes

[@Leif_Nobody]

This is amazing - thank you so much for editing them together.

[@grandbean9031]

He's a somewhat confused, grumpy but also kinda wholesome old dude that doesn't get the Internet.

[@4206vidsgaming]

That AVGN reference.

[@slickcalf985]

It's time to have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear

[@The5lacker]

I can’t get over how good of a name Jon St. John is.

[@Azzie420]

As someone who’s raised a protected species that got abandoned in my shed, I love the bby bird quote. truly wholesome guy

[@clausluger4570]

"My name is not Dook, kid" (shotgun blast sound effect)

[@k1221nirvana]

“I’m suffering from male pattern baldness.”

[@ASquared544]

I refuse to acknowledge that Duke Nukem is a real game series

[@jackrobinson1073]

Ah yes, everyone’s favourite quote “Time to research a vasectomy”

[@CoralCopperHead]

Someone actually got him to drop some AVGN lyrics, the legit madlad.

[@dumbass5757]

"I'm here to duke nukes and nuke dukes,and I'm all outta nukes." greatest fucking quote ever

[@georgeoldsterd8994]

Ah, the sweet-sweet crunchy compression of the original Duke Nukem 3D. Chef's kiss! 😘👌🏻

[@sadvec6328]

This is peak character development

[@Gamer12948]

"My mom is taking me to Toys r Us" -Duke Nukem, 2020

[@indirelinikole]

This reminds me of Johnny Bravo

[@juliovictormanuelschaeffer8370]

Wholesome Duke is Best Duke.

[@layarteBdnAevoL]

Kind of wonder if 15.ai's ai would take all of these and remember to include the megadeth at the end of every statement.

[@Nothing64290]

"Master Halo" was my favorite character

[@DeadPollo]

John must have been laughing his a55 off for every line

[@winterbeat13]

"I'm going to eat the rotted asshole of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer." Best line. Thank you James the AVGN for so many great memories.

[@wompastompa3692]

Please, for the love of all that is holy, tell me he's read Dick Kickem.

[@DJ_Macphisto]

Yup, he has: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aJLcfHZorMqMfa8

[@juliovictormanuelschaeffer8370]

With the audio compression, feels like it's 1996 all over again.

[@crickson9434]

“MY MOM IS TAKING ME TO TOYS R US” *INTENSE HEAVY METAL*

[@martinoelpato2471]

Its just 1 minutes and 50 seconds but it feels like an eternity

[@AnonymousAnonposter]

So Duke Nukem is basically me.

[@spookwagen-thegreat1350]

Duke honestly the most iconic video game character. Its been like 8years since duke nukem forver shit itself and people still hailing to the king

[@calyxman]

'Uhh.. I'm gonna pass a kidney stone.'

[@jakem5916]

My favorite part is that the guitar riff never resumes until the end, it just restarts.

[@pootispencer9765]

Gianni sounds exactly like Jon St. John lmao

[@davidkrappenschitz8864]

Duke can make anything sound badass

[@wrenmacneil7703]

I've listened to so many Gianni memes that now the actual voice actor sounds wrong

[@inferior3199]

"It's time to be in a happy monogamous relationship for years" Based Duke

[@AmericanRX]

These are done VERY well.

[@vaporboi6301]

1:16 Nice AVGN quote there buddy.

[@hostiledodo1150]

The guitar licks between quotes gives me immense joy

[@OctoomyYTOfficial]

1:16 AVGN Intro?