DON'T Give A Man Space After He's Pulled Away, HERE'S WHY!

[@JonathonAslay]

FREE Discovery Call ► jonathonaslay.com/coaching

[@blessienocum2489]

Iìiii

[@KK-rl3rx]

Thanks I set it up for 6/1 at 4pm

[@janec.kowalczyk5824]

"Ladies, guys don't have any clue and neither do you." Jonathan Aslay ~ #Truth

[@alessandrajouberteix4663]

@Jack Strawb Thank you...

[@lzdr7873]

@Jack Strawb happen to agree with His attitude on "pulling away" He mentioned go back and find out what is the commitment or isn't there one. Xould be selflessness or narcissism or controlling behaviors... what did He offer a free call and you dont like it. Afterall He offers advice and information. We'All's know He's on-line and that's where You came in. Oh! Hypocrisy. Make sommething good out of why You viewed this and bite you. ;)

[@larahamilton2273]

My non-committed BF said he wanted to “hang out”. I said, ‘“ just so we’re clear, what part of you is going to be hanging out”. He was dumb founded. I spent the evening in a hot bath and with a good book. Bliss and no drama!! I highly recommend it.

[@lc4972]

Hilarious answer 🤣🤣🤣

[@maidenmarian1]

I'm going to use that someday. I am 63 and not likely to hear that but I plan to get good clarity. I am probably not going to get married because I'm too busy enjoying my single life....

[@alessandrajouberteix4663]

Maybe his personal thingy wanted to “hang out”, hahaha let him, he won’t be of any use to you or anybody else!

[@bettycarmella1127]

😂😭🙌🏽

[@donnebonne]

@Lara great one!

[@Girlwithapurse03]

1. Get crystal clear about what’s going on 2. Move on 3. Take really good care of yourself

[@honeyalbert5182]

You"re right!😅

[@mybrownsparklez]

This is easily solved by having a rotation. May the best man win. No time for waiting on one man.

[@b.k.r.doggielover5449]

Next WEDNESDAY, I will be going back on dating sites. The one who told me over and over how much he loved me has disappeared. No fault of mine. So, I give it a week. I'll cry and hurt for a week. But, come next Wednesday, May 5, 2021, I will be available. He had his chance. So, Goodbye to him in advance!! His loss.

[@jacquelinejones4230]

I understand I just want .. . . back on the dating app myself myself. No actions is mine reaction

[@b.k.r.doggielover5449]

@@jacquelinejones4230 My Brown Sparklez is so right! When saying, "May the best man win." It will be a human being with feelings and care towards others. In other words, he better have a heart of love. Or "Goodbye" to him too. Take your time and persevere. Because, the right one is looking for you too!♥️👍

[@carolinekelly8481]

For sure because that's exactly what they are doing, I pulled away & dated others & here he is texting me 24/7 & now I'm not interested in him 😉 he played it 2 much.

[@mrshbt1]

😂

[@VivVal33]

I agree, when a man is sure of what he wants he doesn’t pull away. Give yourself space and move on.

[@trishataylor2488]

This isn't my first pull away rodeo with my ex it seems there was a pattern going on but addressing what you said that when a man is sure of what he wants he doesn't pull away here's the thing in my situation my man is very sure of what he wants he thought he was sure that I wanted the same thing but as soon as I started showing a smidgen of doubt or started questioning things about the future he called me childish and ridiculous and when he kept going on and on I just put the phone down and never mind pull away I walked away and he hasn't called back what's your advice now?

[@donnebonne]

@@trishataylor2488 I would keep walking myself. He's showing you a preview of coming attractions

[@jillpeacock4540]

Exactly

[@jillpeacock4540]

@@trishataylor2488 nurture yourself. You do you.

[@jamiemohan2049]

He will pull away if you are showing signs of disinterest.

[@christineallen3003]

I give a man that pulls away permanent space! Period...♏️🎶

[@eaglespiritt]

He probably did that lol -♏️🦅

[@jannasterling4153]

👏👏👏👏👏👍👍AWESOME!

[@Lola-uf2ks]

😂😂🤣

[@alessandrajouberteix4663]

You said it perfectly!

[@jillpeacock4540]

Exactly.

[@gabrielamartinyuk9894]

Giving them space is not texting them , calling them , and inquiring why they’re not contacting. Giving space is not reaching out. It’s letting the person not contact you without you making inquiries and asking what’s going on. Men who pull away want a reaction, they need to see how you react. How mature that is I’m not sure , but don’t REACH out and don’t question where they’ve been . The smartest thing to do is when they come back, do not jump quickly into it because that teaches them their behavior is acceptable.

[@JonathonAslay]

What you shared is one perspective... what I shared is another perspective.

[@catherinegregory7940]

Your response seems like game playing, you wait around and when they finally come back you basically reprimand them by being distant. Jonathan is spot on, don’t waste your time with him and move on.

[@cherryblossom8022]

Maybe it is completely acceptable for someone to want a few moments or more to themselves, to reconsider or get their priorities straight, maybe they are a human being and don't know what they want sometimes, maybe something else is bothering them, maybe they are unsure about the relationship, that's ok, it might not be the 'result' you want, but being as real as possible with each other is always an option. We should be playing on the same team, if not it's not a goer anyway.

[@MissRedfield]

@@catherinegregory7940 you really see this approach as "game playing"? Consider this: You've been talking to a guy and everything's going fine one minute, then you shoot him a message, but all of the sudden he doesn't respond to it. You give it a couple of days and send him another hoping for a response. BUT, rather than him not responding for a second time you can see that he still hasn't even *read* the message. Like how it says "delivered" whereas the previous message clearly states the message has been "read". When this happens, it's usually because people can tell when you're trying to be too desperate or needy, and/or there was something in your own response that comes off as untrusting, and so this would be the point where you *fall back* , implement no contact and allow the 2 of you to work on yourselves for the time being, etc. All of that said, can you still view this scenario in the light of "playing games"? Or do you think that it's possible a level of maturity can be reached here where these 2 people are trying to avoid emotional pressure and simply protect their hearts? Think about it.

[@nhl4264]

Very well explained! Maybe you should start your own you tube channel😀. What I've noticed is that women who behave in that posivity when he pulls away, are a very few lot who are in the most fulfilling relationships & their men adores them infinitely. I think pulling away is an instinct for a man more than anything, if a woman allows a guy space, he will know that this relationship will allow him space anytime he needs to and therefore he will adapt and start to pull less and less because he is now assured space, being appreciated , understood, loyalty & trust etc. And this is what men interpret as being loved by a woman and hence they gravitate towards reciprocrating the same love.

[@lorrainerodriguez2134]

If I give a man space, we are no longer together.

[@svilenaninetta9838]

I should do like that in the future. I made huge mistake leting him be in and out whenever he wants.

[@lorrainerodriguez2134]

@@svilenaninetta9838 you should try it next time and see what happens. MERRY CHRISTMAS

[@svilenaninetta9838]

@@lorrainerodriguez2134 sorry ..Merry Christmas to you too. I dont know ..if by chqnce he call ...maybe i should see what he is up to ..what he is going to tell me. I am fed up ...

[@lorrainerodriguez2134]

@@svilenaninetta9838 I understand

[@kevinallen2395]

Wow you must be single 🤣

[@rebeccalucas6063]

When you get ghosted it's part of the devalue stage of the cycle of a person with narcissistic personality disorder. They shower you with attention known as the love bombing stage, then when they get new supply (a new person) or go back to a previous person, you are devalued and discarded because they got bored. They may later reappear, that's known as hovering, and they try to come back as nothing ever happened or as if they want a fresh start. Narcissist keep people on a rotation. Respect yourself, and refuse to be on anyone's rotation who wants to be on a narcissist roladex anyway, I sure as hell don't.

[@robynalvin6319]

Ghosting is immature and mean spirited. There is no excuse for it and I would never accept a man back that did that. That being said, if a man goes away or lets you know he needs space or he’s not sure something or like that and then comes back that does not mean he’s a narcissist.

[@misslayer999]

OMG seriously dude, there is an unhealthy plethora of KZbin video focusing on narcissism(oh sweet irony). This one is not. In fact it's not even mentioned. If you decide to be one of those people that obsesses over that shit, fine, that's your choice, but do so in the appropriate place. This is not. No one's talking about narcissism and no one wants to hear it. It's completely unrelated to the video so kindly stop trying to turn it into that rubbish. Thanks😁

[@lymmington]

Beautifully stated...Thank You Rebecca🕊🌿🌷🌿

[@TheLaurabecky]

@@misslayer999 chill

[@misslayer999]

@@TheLaurabecky oh haha dude I'm so chill I forgot about this completely lol...and I can guarantee you I'm a lot more chill than anyone who's still obsessed with their narcissist ex lol. Cheers!

[@soulrarity9890]

A man who is a genuine “grown up”.. where they at??? Lol

[@JonathonAslay]

The same place "grown up" women are at...

[@jolantabona3050]

Married...

[@dtpbach]

@@jolantabona3050 lol

[@clarissamck]

They went extinct. 110%

[@littleblackbabycat]

With other 'grown up ' women. You attract what you are and send out. 😉

[@christinafrancis6163]

Men that "pull away" have no communication skills. None. They're hoping that door stays open until they decide they want to walk back into it, don't leave it open. Slam that door and change the locks. Finally found one with communication skills and the difference is astounding!!

[@BloodyHeck]

When a man pulls away, it's not him lacking communication skills. It's more like he sees you as no longer interested. Sorry ma'am but when women talk about wanting a man with communication skills, they forget there's a difference between men and women and they're looking for a man who communicates like a woman when women are terrible communicators anyway. Women don't actually communicate. They usually give very small hints and signals and assume the man should know what she means.

[@christinafrancis6163]

@BloodyHeck or women give up trying because men don't participate in effective communication. Very rarely do men communicate their thoughts and feelings effectively. Emotional communication isn't just for women and in a healthy relationship both parties should be able to communicate their feelings as well as listen to their partners feelings. If you can't effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings you should heal before entering into a relationship instead of using a cheap cop out like men being different from women to avoid accountability for poor communication skills in romantic relationships.

[@BloodyHeck]

@@christinafrancis6163 You can complain all you want about men not communicating their thoughts and feelings, a lot of women do, and usually, if that's what a man does, she completely loses interest in him because of it. Women DON'T want a man who sits there and shares all those things because she winds up seeing him as a female friend.

[@PhaMa1002]

Everything you said was absolutely right! Adults communicate! I had this conversation of clarity with someone today and he said the conversation was frustrating him. A grown 34 year old man said a healthy calm discussion about where we stand and our feelings was frustrating him. Ain’t nobody waiting for that punk ass to come back! If he wants space he can stay gone! I know my worth and what I bring to the table. I told him from the beginning that if u walk stay gone! For some reason they always come back apologizing and I don’t be the same woman when they come back. I’m not as loving or forgiving so then they realize they messed up and lost a good thing. Their loss ladies!

[@anandaceramicart6951]

I wish ive got that sooner😅better later than never!

[@nicolejennings8389]

Or if he doesn't give me attention, I'll move on to the next man who is giving me time and attention and having conversation with me and I might not return.

[@beauty_bytten]

At your age and with your beauty you can still do it many times..

[@nicolewinters]

Ikr

[@imfoluain]

@@beauty_bytten Confidence is attractive , if we think we are pretty that confidence shows and that’s what usually gets the attention. Ever noticed how the conventionally pretty girls carry themselves? The way they walk, talk, their attitude , that’s the real attraction . Sorry I didn’t mean to lecture, just wanted to share that we are all beautiful we just need to believe it.

[@Annamelese]

I'm doing exactly that right now

[@sugarsoul8553]

That's the point sister. Same here I'm afraid

[@Magnoliasdiary]

Omg those are FACTS, even if he's not sure because of circumstances it means he's not ready, if he's not ready it doesn't matter why, he can't be there for you, so be there for yourself and walk away.

[@supplyeschangesupplyeschan1561]

Yes. Or at least not much point trying to make or expect him to be ready. As the other advice says, best to focus on you. Maybe one day he might be ready and if you are still single at that time and he apologises and explains himself and offers something, that might be worth considering. Some self respect; learned not to chase Men who aren't "ready" (haven't grown up yet), or just don't have the guts to say they don't feel a match (which many better Men do and I've done to Men kindly too).

[@danafriedella480]

I really liked a guy that was starting to pull away... finally I sent a text that basically said this isn't behavior that looks like a relationship. No response and that hurt but at least I knew. I'm going to assume when a man needs space without a valid reason then he wants out.. learning in my old age.

[@b.k.r.doggielover5449]

Me too.

[@jannasterling4153]

Yup! He wants out for sure! So, it's time to HOLD THE DOOR WIDE OPEN AND KICK HIS ASS OUT AS HARD AS POSSIBLE. Afterwards, DON'T FORGET TO LOCK AND BLOCK THE DOOR ON HIM FOREVER! And one last thing... MOVE ON, start dating better guys right away.

[@sewndebisdream6953]

@@jannasterling4153 Well Said!

[@b.k.r.doggielover5449]

@@jannasterling4153 That's some great advice! If you're not a relationship coach, you should be!👍❤

[@jannasterling4153]

@@b.k.r.doggielover5449 thanks 😊 💙💜

[@s.aura.h8084]

YAS! Reclaim or hold onto your power. If he's pulled away, step forward, ask what's going on. Any 'mixed' or suspicious feelings just call the thing off. He'll come back if he's gutted to have lost you. Don't hang around or he'll just expect you to be there. WE ARENT DORRMATS LADIES! WE QUEENS!!

[@LadyHawkeNJay]

Just watched some self help fella....tell me, I am not a queen, only average, and how dare I withhold sex.....??? Well....I haven't dated in 5 years now....just so tired of lies.....and I feel fine..!! Praise AHYHA

[@lehuananichai3947]

“Allow him to come back and claim you.” My boyfriend isn’t pulling away, he’s doing things that I have chosen not to participate in (golf, dirt biking, tool time) and he appreciates that I am supportive of his interests without me. Our relationship is always a work in progress. Space is only a matter of hours.

[@lioness6853]

I am so sick and tired of the same advices on what to do when a guy pulls away. FINALLY someone spoke my language! Checking in on them is NOT being needy, it's care! For one self most of all!

[@JonathonAslay]

Happy to hear this resonated with you... 🙏

[@cynthiasmith1583]

Yes. Move. On. If its. A. Grown. Boy. Men. Decides. Differently

[@redrum4139]

No need to check on someone who pulled away. If a man needs someone or advice, he'll look for it. Is he looking for you to ask if you're ok? I think not.

[@Michele-ub2pk]

I agree so many say leave him alone. I agree it's good to give space if that's what has been asked for. Especially if they are going thru some stuff that they need to just think about. But I hate it when everyone says don't check in and say hi I'm thinking about you, hope you are ok etc etc because that means you are needy... What if it means you actually care about that person.. duh... Some people deal with stresses in their life differently you have to respect that.

[@redrum4139]

@@Michele-ub2pk the point people are trying to make - has he once cared to check on you? Why care for someone that doesn't care for you? Don't get me wrong its very nice to care for people, but why if they don't care to ask how you are?

[@Michelle-qq4sd]

4:46 The reasons why he became pulled away or distant are a lot of heavy sh-t. That means he is probably not capable of being in a relationship.

[@quinnnelson5993]

I made my guy sit and talk to me when he pulled away and we got to some heavy stuff that he was feeling and it moved us forward a lot

[@cynthiab8377]

Hi Jonathan & Quinn, will this work if the guy is my ex bf and his heart is not completely into me like he was before we broke up? We were in a relationship for a year & he came back after 5 months broke up telling he wants to get back together into a committed relationship but he also said that he needs time to adjust himself. We’ve been back a month and he’s just acting hot & cold & distant. On top of that he told me that his family is against us getting back together as they “assumed” we argued a lot.

[@kevinallen2395]

Of course communication is the key most women say that men should communicate but they don't.

[@topkat8268]

@@cynthiab8377 dont waste 5 years on a guy like this like l did. Next time he wants out. ... tell him dont bother coming back. Save yourself the heartache. I'm serious. I allowed a guy like this to string me along because l was in love with him, but it was a painful ending

[@rebeccacarraway480]

@@cynthiab8377 honey he is not emotionally available. Move on.

[@PS-hi9os]

did he pull away because he scared himself? what did he end up doing?

[@yolandaburrell9643]

I don’t care what he’s thinking if he’s taking space. I have no patience for indecision. I’ll lick my wounds and move on. There’s nothing to lean back and work on.

[@tamarafletcher7965]

What’s your longest relationship out of curiosity?

[@AngelicHarmony444]

“Oh, I’m yelling...” lol 😂 Love your passion for authentic, meaningful, real love 💕

[@Semiramidha]

“Oh I’m yelling” 😂😂😂 I love listening to you! Thank you. Totally agree with the perspective of acting like grown-ups, not being completely passive (the idea “sit and wait” just shows your standard is tolerating constant waiting), exploring the relationship and being intentional. But it is good to be aware of the biological tendency of men to pull away and women to be needy. Funny, but it is how it is.

[@JonathonAslay]

Exactly!!

[@Keepingitfr]

There is science behind it all lol!!! Dribble I say!!! Hahaha! Great video too! Lol! Humans complicate things ❤️✌️😊🇨🇦

[@prettydisabled9060]

♥️

[@SusanAntoinette617]

i can understand you yelling these men are all so 🤪

[@listiyanischna]

Most people who pull away have other more important priorities. Could be other people/love interests or other things.

[@dianneciresi6324]

Or the guy feels like he's afraid of getting too close too soon then decides he doesn't want to be in a serious committed relationship

[@kevinallen2395]

Or maybe working on themselves

[@nhl4264]

Or maybe at that moment they want to put all their energy on their musculine missions.

[@kam0406]

Yes. This is absolutely true. Wanting space is code for, "you are no longer a priority and I'm checking other options" He can have all the space he wants. Buh-bye.

[@teresaolofson1377]

@@kam0406 GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH KWI thank YOU :)...ugh...Your wanting Space is Code for .."you are no longer a Priority " period end of story ....

[@dtpbach]

In my world, when a man leans back because he needs space, I don’t give him space I accept it and secondly I love when you yell- you get my attention.

[@pamm8333]

the part where Jonathan stops and corrects himself for yelling is absolutely adorable

[@carlisefarren4236]

One of my favorite parts ❣️maturity and awareness 🙏🏾

[@funnygirlever]

😅

[@funnygirlever]

He's soooo passionate.

[@roflized]

Wasn't gonna subscribe at first, wasn't sure if Jonathan would be my cup of tea, but he soon became likeable.

[@ohemaahn548]

“Oh I’m yelling” had me rolling on the floor laughing 😂 😂😂 this guy is awesome. Love this. Good advice

[@JonathonAslay]

Thank you 😁

[@eeland6972]

I think you’re so right. I’m a woman and am not into casual sex and yes that means that I haven’t had sex for two years and yes I’ve had guys that couldn’t understand that I don’t want sex with a guy I’m not in a committed relationship with/a person I feel I know AND know I love. But that’s okay I just know that he’s not for me. I’m okay alone and yes I know my next guy/relationship is gonna be with a incredible loving and caring man...just loooking so much forward :)

[@xoRedHeartsxo]

Girl that's me too. Just got broken up with and he told me it was a little easier for him to let go bc I didn't let him have sex until we were in a committed relationship. Apparently he's not ready to be in a relationship, so I respected that and let him go. Tough, but it is what it is.

[@kimkoch3272]

I am the same. I cant offer my body up for casual encounters. I have to be in a committed and monogamous relationship . I have to have feelings for someone. Its amazing how many men, just want sex without love.

[@ZoeMay]

We desperately need to sharpen our communication skills. And yes to self love 👏🏾

[@JonathonAslay]

💯

[@raniyuna2930]

Every woman should know that waiting on man take her beauty away because with every minute of waiting we are getting elder...😅🙈❤

[@mynameislove8722]

😂really

[@littleblackbabycat]

Yes. Don't play games of any sort. Act like mature adults and communicate 🥰

[@pjSoCal23]

I give him space and I walk away from him....

[@christianpulisic7784]

Penny Joan,You are beautiful 🌹🌹

[@jenmonyet9667]

Love how your so passionate in your intent to get your msg across that you yell, then acknowledge it and proceed in a calm rational manner. I also love that you don’t profess to know everything but give sound practical advice based on researching great books you recommend. You’re my hero, love your heart advice Jonathan, it’s insightful and brings vital clarity for me to determine the direction I’m heading, dissipating the emotional abyss of confusion and hurt; so hard to think straight when in that state of groundless mess! 🙏❤️

[@MissRandom077]

I get it, u can’t give them their space, when they took it. Once he takes his space, u then do self love and MOVE ON, God and his universe has something greater for u trust me. If he comes back after taking his space, it’s up to u but make sure u are in a healthy mindset. My guy took his space, I moved on and decided to cut off communication, we converse but only if he reaches out. I mean who needs friends like that, one who decided to make u an option. Yes people have their issues but those issues are their problems no yours. After deciding to take his space he then voluntarily started sending me $$$ monthly, paid 6 months for me to see a chiropractor, furnished my entire apt and takes me on vacation. He has this leverage in hopes of me taking him back after his “space break”. If u decided to take a person back after they took their space it’s your business, but be mindful & careful. Love with your mind not with your heart.

[@annecollins1470]

Excellent, thanks!

[@D.M.47]

The best I've heard.

[@d1eynon]

I like this quote, snipet, from John Steinbeck's letter to his teenage son. "Second-There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you-of kindness and consideration and respect-not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had."

[@alessandrajouberteix4663]

Agree 100% For me if a guy pulls away, all my flags go up and wish for him that the door do not hit his ass.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Alessandra Jouberteix,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are with a good man!!

[@alessandrajouberteix4663]

@@christianpulisic7784 thank you! Surprise about your reply, I was assuming this was a “chick” circle only 😉

[@christianpulisic7784]

@@alessandrajouberteix4663 You are welcome dearest 🌹🌷🌺.I am Christian from the States.You?

[@alessandrajouberteix4663]

@@christianpulisic7784 new too! hello from beautiful Monterey, Ca

[@christianpulisic7784]

@@alessandrajouberteix4663 Wow!!😍😍😍😍,are you on Hangouts or Gmail so we can always talk?

[@sfoster4874]

You've got me laughing SO HARD - - because you are SO RIGHT!!! Thanks for being the voice of reason amongst the "dating coaches". Keep up the great work.

[@maggietesh4023]

Compablity is a big issue. I love your passion and authenticity. We are all on our journey to self love and self exploration. Self love is the hardest thing we will learn which is also the purpose of this Universe.

[@annemarie9980]

Thanks Johnathan this is true !! Alowing someone to just "wasp away" while your left wonderkng whats going on is childish behaviour...and if anyone cannot handle the scrutiny of an open question of "whats going on " its just tooooo hard and stressful and energetically draining. Love your work😊

[@laurakoskenmaki6969]

When my boyfriend broke up with me last July he said he wasn’t going to pursue me. He wasn’t sure he was ready to be in a relationship. I was hurt however I said ok, have a nice life. 2 days later he started texting and 2 days after that he started calling. We asked more questions about each other while we were physically separated, we really got to know each other on a deeper level. We got back together after 1 mo and are still together to this day.

[@cathyrianma3985]

Hello I can recommend you to someone that helped me get my ex back and he can also help you , am from United state of America 🇺🇸 and. His from Africa

[@cathyrianma3985]

Contact him on WhatsApp

[@cathyrianma3985]

+(2:3:4):8:15:6:8:9:6:4:3:6

[@gracelikerain5039]

Wont let me read replys 😒

[@mihaelabuliga9226]

This is what i did ... after almost 3 months of dating him he start acting fishy .... so yesterday i asked him what s going on .. and he finally said something is missing ... so we agreed to end it up .... he was a liar anyway a very bad one 😅😅 .....

[@shashasayed1992]

Some women are just too forgiving, and they let their feelings clouded their judgement. When youre in love its hard to be objective, see the reality of the relationship clearly.

[@liciaspencer9955]

I don't even realize your raising your voice until you say you are. I think you are serious about what you are saying, that's why you raise your voice. I really like the fact that you are conscious of you raising your voice.

[@littleredhen8205]

The stuff you and Susan teach is what I naturally gravitate to behaviorwise anyway (secure attachment 🙌). It's just nice to have it validated after encountering so many gaslighters and manipulators, that I'm not the crazy one for choosing forthright communication and pragmatism.

[@lyricallysoftspoken]

This was the best advice I found and took it. I was a little over one month of dating a man, felt him pulling away and initially asked him to initiate more communication / dates, but he communicated back that he was figuring it all out in his head trying to figure his feelings out that he distanced himself. Gave him 2 days to breathe after noticing he was pulling away, but I eventually reached out on the 3rd morning (Not about to wait a week lol) and sent him this. “Hey, Was thinking if we could maybe talk soon to check-in where our heads are at? I would like for us to clear the air. I know this week was a lot...it has been a long week for me as well so I hope your Saturday night is very relaxing. Feel free to reach out when you are comfortable and ready to talk.” He reached out the next day and we became exclusive to each other. Can’t say that this advice would work on all men, and very dependent on if a guy is ready to commit, even wanting to work towards a relationship, or was even the right fit for me. Really grateful that I bumped into this advice - I appreciate your advice very much and I’m so happy!

[@jfalan]

I enjoyed the yelling 😄

[@thetorontogirl]

"Oh I'm yelling.." 🤣 cracked me up

[@Aisha-ej8lj]

You’re so on the ball that none of us have a clue what we are doing . We are so scared to say what we think or ask questions . You’re the best ! Love from London ❤️🎄

[@lauragiannini7892]

We are told as women to be doormats!! Never!

[@jackieschesnuk6669]

You're right, not many people know how a relationship works these days.

[@JonathonAslay]

Sad and true... 🙏

[@Tree6100]

Jonathon, you say for us women to see you like our big brother, and I do. So a little advice from your little sister. Holiday's can be really tough, especially when you are missing a big part of your heart. Be extra kind to yourself. You've got this. Connor is fine and you will be, too. Cut yourself some slack. Do what you need to do for you. I'm sending a lot of extra love and a great big hug. I know this great book that helps me a lot. It's called, "What the Heck is Self Love Anyway?" It's a game changer. Know that you are not alone and you are appreciated.

[@JonathonAslay]

awe... thank you so much 🙏

[@christianpulisic7784]

Re 6100,You got a lovely smile 😊!!

[@imfoluain]

Leaning back is about letting go of our anxieties and taking the power back , it’s about centering ourselves . Once emotions have settled there is usually less of a motivation to reach out to him anyway. And if he doesn’t come back on his own he’s probably not ready to be in a relationship, and if you take the approach of leaning forward , and talk about things , it usually feels like pressure to the guy and kills attraction. Even if they need healing and welcome the communication, coming from a woman you’ve ignored for some time is a little much. My experience is that if you let guys figure out their own mess, they’ll come to you if they are into you, if you still like them and receive them warmly, they’ll explain and then a talk at that time helps deepen the relationship.

[@JonathonAslay]

While I agree with much of the assertion... the concept from other coaches is to lean back and then the guy will claim you. What they are not telling women is that if a man hasn't done deep inner work which can take years or decades, the lean back method might create space for a man to return (in the short term) and lead, but he will not (most likely) be a good candidate for a deep emotionally healthy relationship. That's my beef and I've expressed this in more detail in other video's.

[@catb445]

Yes, we do have to have standards and be able to express them. think people are so afraid to be up front and straightforward with each other but that genuine honesty and authenticity are essential for a real connection with another human being. Anyone can have sex, but not anyone is willing to have a true spiritual and emotional connection with another human being. Being honest with yourself and the other person is essential and that is self-love! Many blessings to you💝🎄

[@waterlilynymph]

I don’t give him space, I give myself space from the mental gymnastics he has done-it’s overwhelming. I needed space, when he took space after telling me he loved me and all his visions for the future. He ghosted me, is in and out. So now I need space to figure out what I really want now.

[@cynthiaf775]

When he pulls away it could be because another girl is showing interest or an old girlfriend contacted him out of the blue. Men want variety.

[@BloodyHeck]

Ladies, if a man pulls away, it's because he sees you as not being interested or that if he interacts with you, it will just make it worse. If you then "give him space", he'll just figure he's right in his thinking and the gap will get bigger.

[@rhodacampbell]

Mixed feelings about this, part of me is gutted to hear this coz I’ve been messing up a lot and part of me is shouting Bravo!!!! Finally a video that makes complete bloody sense and I’m excited about all the growing I can undertake

[@GabrieleRanonyte]

“Oh I’m yelling” 🤣😹😹 I love how you noticed it and took a deep breath. Very nice!

[@BrazilianGirl777]

Jonathon, I met this great man online and we went out a couple of times. I mentioned to him about your work and suggested that we read eight dates together. He agreed, we both purchased the book and started reading last night each at our own time but agreed to read together one chapter a night. I have to say I am so excited (with my hands in the air-Jonathon style LOL) because even if this goes nowhere at least there’s hope! I’ve been heavily following your advice lately and making a conscious effort to search that 10% relationship ready men... And it’s so refreshing to know that it takes time but there’s still some of you left out there... Thank you for all you do! 🙏❤️

[@JonathonAslay]

WOW! I'm so happy to read this and it's great to hear because men do take instructions well if they like someone and my guess is, he likes you. Good Luck!🙏

[@janeta3509]

Awesome, I love this idea. Please let us know how it goes .

[@yasministryhealing]

This is not always true. A man was hot and cold with me once. I questioned him on it and he told me he was interested. It happened again and I phoned him and pulled him up on it, and said “do you have anything to say for yourself?” He said “no, I just want to go back to work” Fast forward the next few months he started to pursue me like nothing else. Messages, invites… you name it… I left him on read. I finally agreed to see him and he has become one of the most loving, kind best men in my life. He’s not a partner. But he adores me. I really think he had so much respect for me for calling him on his shit and ending it. It doesn’t always go like this… no he wasn’t capable of a relationship but I did get what I really need… I keep my dignity.. and I was shown respect. So…. Sometimes it’s ok to speak your mind. Who cares what they think.

[@Kburgan05]

Actually you're incorrect because when you give space it means you're limiting the amount of annoyance you're allowing yourself to impede in on their life that can continuously push them away and anytime I've giving a man space and he's come back to me I'm typically done with them for the most part cuz I already went through the hurt FaZe

[@margaretwilliams3353]

I totally agree. Had a guy to pull away but he wouldn't tell me why, and he never got around to talking to me about it. So... I took my "feminine energy" and decided to "love me." I'm not sitting around, waiting for him to show up and claim any part of me. As an adult, you don't get to use "space" to avoid having "grown up" conversations. Thank you...

[@sheilaseniff9338]

Yes, heavy shit!! Sometimes building is slow. Sometimes it's hard to communicate after traumatic events. I am watching your videos because I was raised in dysfunction and had no example of a loving relationship. A non violent relationship. Funny how your videoes are the right ones I need to deal with what's going on in life. Yah, lean in. That's love. Leaning back is not equality, nor investment.

[@JonathonAslay]

Exactly! 🙏

[@teresacunningham270]

You're not yelling you are speaking with emotion and that makes our volume go up

[@jess77surfs]

If a woman gives "weeks", the bigger issue here is her self-esteem and self-worth.. no bueno

[@JonathonAslay]

The question I ask... did he ask for weeks? How can she give something he never asked for? Once one seeks clarity, they can work on their self-worth is the point I'm making.

[@jess77surfs]

@@JonathonAslay self-worth shouldn't be associated with another person's requests... And is it even valid or healthy to ask for weeks? Especially at our age...

[@chauntelleskarr8758]

It is mature once there’s clarity of the person needs space for an extended period of time. My SO had back to back huge life changes, a sick parent, they all got Covid, he lost his job because he got Covid and had to take care of his fathers business and couldn’t come back home right away and the life that he spent years building for himself crashed down in just a few months. So if he needs weeks and weeks to get his life back together and needs space it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care...it means that’s what he needs to heal. And when you care for and respect someone and know that what is meant to be will be, you can honor that space. I’m not saying stop life and stand in place waiting for them. Keep your heart open while continuing on with your life.

[@jess77surfs]

@@chauntelleskarr8758 actually it's a red flag because if they need to get away from you to process, then they're not going to be good in a relationship. In a relationship people should lean on each other, not push each other away...

[@chauntelleskarr8758]

@@jess77surfs I disagree but that’s the beauty of the world we live in. Diverse opinions. The red flag is if someone can’t advocate for their needs in my onion. And yes that is been an issue. But not everyone wants to lean on others when they process. I am very introspective when I am processing something big. And sometimes I need space to figure out how I feel about things but I can tell my partner I need that space.

[@caqol]

SCREAM IT. You not lying and have evidence to support your view. SHOUT SHOUT SHOUT. I agree.

[@sl-te2xh]

Your right, your absolutely right. We are feed this crap when we are young, it's in the movies etc. Guys are simple( not being disrespectful, if they like you, they go for it, they will not leave you wondering.

[@furahayamoyo9193]

I absolutely agree with you Jonathon. By giving him space goes to show you don't care about what he is going through. I think when someone pulls away it just means they are overwhelmed by whatever problems they are going through, so as a caring partner you need to show him/her that you are there for them.

[@miss.charlene]

YESSS!!!!!

[@sailor_mew4413]

Does this apply to the dating/get to know each other- phase aswell? Technically you are not partners yet, you don't even know where you stand.

[@furahayamoyo9193]

@@sailor_mew4413 I personally think it's how much you want the relationship to work, you can give everyone the benefit of the doubt, by giving them chances to talk things out. However, if they are not putting any effort, or keeping their distance, or pushing you away even after you've tried talking to them especially, when the relationship is still in the new phase, you can then let it go as it's not worth the stress.

[@meerubyvue1148]

Only a player pulled away.. I think the real mature guy will stay if he truly love you and into you.. I had met a guy 5 months ago, he pulled away from me... later I noticed he played me, my feeling. I cried only for three days. I let him go,, cause I know he isn't mine.. now I still waiting for mine... Wherever he is.. I still waiting for...

[@roslyndrayton6716]

Thank you Jonathon! Yes...I am clueless that is why I am turning to these video. I had to have a small chuckle when you said that. One thing I did learn that I didn't set my boundaries very clear enough.

[@damitalj]

I wholeheartedly agree!!!! none of us have any idea on how a healthy relationship works but some of us use these types of vids to keep on track or get back on track!!!! Great Energy and information!!!

[@sheilajones8028]

Oh, I’m yelling 😂. It’s because you’re PASSIONATE about what you’re saying ❤️. Thank you!

[@JonathonAslay]

I appreciate that

[@5musictomyears5]

You and Susan Winter have the best advice with the basis of self-love rather than playing games or doing things for someone else. I've learned so much from you both and love to watch to your videos even though I've grown since I found you both a year ago

[@cm9044-b7j]

If a man wants to be with you, he will move mountains to be with you. It may sound old fashioned but it's the truth. He leaves and plays games with your head, then let him go. No one needs that treatment! Especially from a grown adult man!

[@jbeauty88]

I met a guy online, he was crazy about me for weeks, pulled out all the stops. One week i noticed a distance and more texts that phone calls. I said hey babe, just call me, i prefer to talk than text. It’s been radio silence since then. I don’t know what happened and how he went from constant communication and compliments to nothing. My only assumption is there’s someone else. I was going to leave it alone but i took one last chance and i reached out and asked hey, is everything ok, and just let him know i was confused. He hasn’t responded so I guess that’s my answer. So disappointing because he seemed to be a great guy.

[@user-ji8ll1qn6o]

Did he reach out?

[@thelookout5802]

You did all you could and there's prolly someone else at this point. Let it go..

[@jen4yahwehsal176]

I was happily married for 27 years he died and yes I'm totally clueless to these men being a widow dealing with all these men who are bitter and have baggage it's hard for me to understand that was never divorced I was happily married

[@jac1057]

Love watching your passion for teaching and getting a point across and then,,,, the deep breath in. Thank you for being transparent at that moment. I have a good man friend that it can feel like he's pulling away. Taken, I like that! Anyway, when I check in with myself I realize I just miss talking with him. When I do this, then it's not such a big deal. I haven't talked with him about this but I think I will. After all, that's what friends do. Thanks, Jonathon for being real.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Joy C,You got a lovely smile 😊 dear

[@mahiaggarwal6286]

Ewch and every point is so true. There are a lot of videos out there on YT who misguiding us that we should give a man space. But i never found a logic in it. And here my confusion is being answered.

[@gorskialmira8932]

One of the best videos I’ve heard! Authentic, passionate, real.

[@JonathonAslay]

Wow, thank you!

[@underconstruct2024]

I did that. I asked him clearly and he said no. The next day, he started to say he was going to marry me. The next day after that, he kissed a woman in my face!!! That was a dirty trick. I didn't wait for him to regret; I support his new relationship and I'm in one of my own. I agree!!! The right questions lead to the right relationship or the right person.

[@wwd683]

I absolutely love how skilled you are at getting to the heart of the matter! So much advice for women is just elaborate ways to disguise contradiction, double standard, and upside down "logic". You do such a fantastic job of exposing how illogical some ideas are. How much sense does it make to willingly hand over the wheel and distract yourself watching all the passing scenery until he decides whether or not he's going to drive off the cliff? There's zero power of any kind in that! Oh wait, I forgot... be sure to thank him for "saving your life" if he turns the car around at the last minute😂

[@JonathonAslay]

Thank you...

[@kristineximeno6739]

He is so right. You need to talk, just remember don't get too angry, mild is ok. Even if you just speak a bit louder, they will say you are yelling.

[@dawnurbina176]

Agreed. My best relationship there was never pulling away.

[@nkinyori]

Jonathon, the more you shout, the more it is entering my system. Don't stop! Eventually it will sit inside my body and I will no longer need to watch your content 🤣🤣🤣 but until then, continue to hammer it in! Thank you for being you. It is appreciated. Happy Holidays ❤️

[@JonathonAslay]

You got this!

[@ElizabethMcQMusic]

Hey Jon 🙂 I do agree with you 🙂 I also do think that sometimes guys go through & deal with a lot of things in their lives just like we do. Sometimes guys do pull away because of what's going on in their life right now & need/want some space to try to figure it all out, sometimes it deals with how they feel about the girl & they want to focus on getting their feelings all together or to think on how they feel about the girl.

[@pinklemonadelondon1524]

Love it when you yell ! It’s drumming it into my brain ! Thanks! your awesome ! Xxxx

[@donnebonne]

If a guy pulls away, that's ghosting and he's done. I used to give them another chance, but they without fail always did it again. No more 2nd chances.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Donna NaQuin,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌹🌹

[@judyperri9496]

Oh be never given second chances , not even to the one I truly loved Was starting a divorce and through a chain of events he tried to contact me , but I knew he hadn’t changed his ways , so I never responded Hard , but worth it

[@pokisweet]

Yes, I agree with you. I personally won’t even bother to check in, I don’t need words when actions tell me everything I need to know. For me this is a wrap. I have zero tolerance for this behavior either you in or you out.

[@EspritArkitekt]

omg! finally someone who's saying what i've been saying for years! how the F do u give someone space who's already ignoring u (for no bloody reason!)?!?! depending on the guy & the situation, ignoring a guy back will just make him more afraid to finally reach out or think ur no longer interested.

[@christyg487]

What is the difference between space and ignoring!? And how do you know the difference?

[@EspritArkitekt]

@@christyg487 common sense tells me space means, ur still communicating but 1 of y'all is taking a step back & not being involved all day/everyday....ignoring is when they just blank ur ass & never respond to u or take the initiative to say anything, or straight up block u

[@QuyenLe-hx3lu]

You’re right about that relationship gurus are advising people to give them space…..lots of it. Obviously they are having doubts they’re still trying to figure out in their life.

[@JonathonAslay]

Exactly

[@julzluvzdollz]

Very interesting topic. The advise about giving space I think is meant to tell people not to chase so in other words give them the space they have taken as you say. I agree when someone pulls away you should address it and at least ask the question. If the answer is no answer or requesting more space then you don’t bother that person anymore as much as it hurts. I so agree with you! Ask the damn questions! I was cracking up when you caught yourself yelling 🤣 that shows you are passionate about the topic! Lol thank you for your work and sharing your perspective.

[@JonathonAslay]

I agree that others might suggest that and yet like I said, you can't give someone space if they've already taken it... asking questions is leaning in vs. leaning back. Thank you for sharing 🙏

[@concernedcitizen4031]

I think when a guy says he needs space he is hoping the girl will ditch him so he wont seem like the bad guy. He can blame it on her and not feel guilty.

[@Miswhitness0520]

I think keeping the convo going by using your intuition on the dynamic is important rather than literally asking him what’s going on. But I do agree that giving space in the traditional meaning is not the way to go.

[@JonathonAslay]

👍🙏👍

[@ChefRondaE]

"Oh im yelling" I giggled..... you are so passionate in your advice!

[@AC-Empress]

Thank you Jonathan. I’ve let him go 😔

[@JonathonAslay]

Good for you...

[@dawnlapka3782]

Sometimes space happens for months and months! Self-love is essential when he doesn't know how to be a grown up.

[@deekshaadiani8809]

I've read that book. I made him go through the questions till chapter 4. We never got to conflicts cause he was already overwhelmed. I trust Gottman.

[@leslielou4970]

When I asked, I was told that my behaviors were like an anxious attachment style. I just wanted clarity

[@christiandavisproductions]

This is one of your best videos in my opinion. I kept saying PREACH YES YES!

[@JonathonAslay]

awe... thank you.

[@jennysilver2577]

Finally! A brilliant and honest man! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! You are clear and to the point. Thank goodness.

[@cathyrianma3985]

Hello do you need help ? I can recommend you to someone great and powerful who helped me get my ex back

[@cathyrianma3985]

Whtspp him

[@cathyrianma3985]

+(2:3:4)-8:1:5:6:8:9:6:4:3:6

[@prettypenne662]

I always thought this was wrong! Thank you for this shout out!! All your saying is true!!

[@JonathonAslay]

Any time!