5 Ways You're Subconsciously Sabotaging Yourself

5 WAYS YOU'RE SABOTAGING YOURSELF
Self-sabotage is something a lot of us do and we do it by engaging in bad habits that we're not always aware that we're doing.
When we're stuck, sometimes we know exactly why and sometimes we just can't figure it out. Why aren't things getting better? Why do we keep struggling? And for many of us, it's because we've developed bad habits we don't even realized we're doing, but are totally sabotaging our growth, happiness and success.
In this episode of GoodForMeTV, I am going to tell you the 5 bad habits that most of us subconsciously do that are keeping us stuck and frustrated and struggling, and what we can do to deal with them right here and right now.
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[@juliakristinamah]

Okay, truth time - which one are you doing most?

[@roseh1132]

1!

[@greggpatten9679]

One way to get over some of these issues is to recognize that you are definitely getting something out of living in these negative behaviors. When you see that you really love to "wait for someone to come and save you", and work through that, then you can move past it. Realizing that there is something better beyond these self-limiting behaviors gives you something to look forward to besides just the negative internal banter that you've been living with.

[@arianacarden1683]

I feel like all of them! Where do we start so we can begin to change that?

[@juliakristinamah]

@@HotDavid7 what feeling does it bring up when people say you're gay?

[@juliakristinamah]

@@greggpatten9679 Amen!

[@DelilahZoe]

1. Assuming other people are judging you ; solution - assume people like you 2. Waiting to be Happy - Thinking you'll only be happy "if x" - solution - allow yourself to be happy now! 3. Expecting people to change, or help you (without asking) - solution - ask, and if they don't change, change your expectations. 4. Stopping/Giving when life gets hard - solution - make the most of your life despite 5. You're the Expert and Boss Of You -- no one else is as invested. *I changed the language because I thought it was kind of triggering.*

[@cgcrack4672]

thanks brohh

[@maryann5981]

No one is coming. No Prince Charming. And, I am not Cinderella. I grew up with the ridiculous idea and expectation that a man would make me happy and keep me safe. But that isn't reality. Because if a man can do that, he can also make you miserable and unsafe. It is entirely up to me to choose the paths that are safe and loving. I am my own Prince Charming!

[@juliakristinamah]

Amen Mary Ann! And do you see that even the people who are happily married still have problems?

[@newearth4071]

Ah, love love love it. %100 agree 🙏🙌💝

[@lorianne4608]

I used to think that way too!! Julia is right though, we must realize that many of our fears or thought are not realistic. I always figure out what’s reality and what’s not. Up you are right!! There is no Prince Charming. Very strong of you to be your own Prince Charming!!

[@carieyounginsurance]

I went through that realization at 33/34...it was life changing for me. I’m now 47 and life has been fantastic despite a divorce - I hold the key and always did :-) Namaste

[@a.a.d.6374]

You are supposed to be able to rely on yourself AND if you start a relationship he should be able to protect you in ALL ways.

[@reindropzify]

"Happiness is not a destination. It is a decision." I LIVE FOR THIS ❤

[@juliakristinamah]

SO glad that connected with you.

[@joeblow9657]

BS if I've ever seen it. Why don't depressed people bust become happy then

[@JaysonT1]

@@joeblow9657 Because they don't decide to be happy.

[@willman100]

I have never listened to another therapist that made as much sense as you. I have watched and absorbed many of your videos. Your logic is healing! Thanks for all of that.

[@mikeyyoyo6464]

willman100 this is the comment I was looking for I found this channel yesterday & watched a few videos expecting to find the BS after a while but no, all I see is complete genuine balls out sense so I thought I'd check out the comments & bang there you are about 4 comments in👍 thanks for confirming my feelings & saving me searching 👍

[@seagalindo6336]

I agree. Thank you. Its great to hear a progressive therapist who can connect with people who know exactly what she's talking about> And, You feel good while listening.

[@lindagiotis4187]

@@mikeyyoyo6464 ⁵hirytry a l UK555t5U5⁵55K55 ry ise rit5y and5rye 5 555etdd555 5 is5 5⁵55ot ryetdd 5 ry>j0j9t6mS55 r55yryeet trye5he asehn55⅚5 thede5 55⅚ the5jphhhh 5p5 rye5

[@ec8927]

“No one is coming to save you” has become the best advice I’ve heard in ages.

[@dasterlykiller7435]

In response to 12:22. Life doesn't get easier, you just get stronger.

[@juliakristinamah]

And more resilient!

[@tanchingy4881]

If it does not kill you, it makes you stronger..something like that..

[@ARichardP]

“No one is coming to do it for you, to fix you, to save you.” This is so true and one I spent years denying despite being told something similar many years ago. Once you realize this you can own your power and make things happen for yourself. It isn’t easy but it feels so much better than waiting for others (who, as you say in the video, aren’t nearly as invested in your life as you are) to do it for you. The best freedom is to take responsibility for your self, your feelings, your actions, the direction your life is going. Lead yourself. Look deeply, look and see - don’t mind read. In a very real sense, I think we can say someone is coming and that someone is you (i.e. yourself, I, me). That is what has been missing - self-love, self-care, self-direction. I’ve been looking outside, scared to death of what someone might be thinking, knocked out of the seat of my own consciousness, waiting to be restored to my place within myself. It’s up to me. Yes. Such a great video. These are the best ones I’ve seen on KZbin and they have been very helpful to me. Thank you, Julia.

[@mautse7120]

Richard Patik do you think iT may have something to do with school? We are trained to listen and to confirm to someone else, a leader, or a peer-leader, or the stuff the state lays up on us. In case of the leaders, when they’re good ones, that’s super ok, but when they’re negative ones, oh dear. In my experience as teacher, there are as many or even more classes with a negative leader, than there are with a positive one. Or maybe I am biased? I wish there could be some research done on this topic. Or does it exist? JuliaKristina? I think it might be due to what I think of as a fact, that most kids don’t like to go to school. I’m talking mostly teenagers. And so the sphere is negative to begin with.

[@MegaDenni13]

"Flinging mud from the cheap seats" is an excellent way to describe gossips and all round trouble makers. Loved that.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

“Crazy makers”

[@solitarymystic4672]

Must work on mind reading. Ruined a lot of good relationships this way.

[@juliakristinamah]

It's a tricky one! I definitely used to struggle with it too, so it is possible to break that bad habit.

[@vesnadjordjevic28]

I never do this.. I remember one episode from "x files" agent Molder n Scaly..someone said"stupidest thing that most ppl do is thinking what other person is thinking.." I never bother with someone else's thoughts(what he was thinking) its not important..sometimes what person say its not important ether.. What IS important is our one thoughts n direction of them, directing them in proper way..in constructive way..

[@clintonrosen]

Thank you for your wisdom. "Nobody is coming", strangely made me feel I had permission to move forward without having to wait.

[@juliakristinamah]

YES you DO Clinton! You don't have to wait for anyone or anything. GO!

[@clintonrosen]

@@juliakristinamah Julia, I listen to your videos every morning in the gym. How do I learn more about your program?

[@sksbc3895]

Happiness (as opposed to peacefulness and contentedness) is a fleeting thing at the best of times and I think people tend to chase it too hard. I find the best way to deal with those ups and downs is to focus on living in the present and commit yourself to practicing it. Gratitude for what most people consider the basic things in life ie/ a roof over your head, a warm place to sleep, food to eat, love and just the fact that you're still alive is really what counts imo....so I remind myself of that every time I start questioning my 'happiness'. Rather than tossing a ball over my shoulder for my dog while I'm sitting in front of the computer, I take time to engage with him, to really see his excitement and playfulness, far away from screens... and as a result, we both walk away so much happier and appreciative. I take time to have face to face conversations with friends at least once a week. Some people might look at my quiet lifestyle here in the Gulf Islands as "oh my, that poor girl, she's all alone...she's 'stuck' in life", but really, it's the opposite. By removing myself from all the mental clutter of my previous, rushed city life, I forced myself to get acquainted with myself, to start asking myself hard, uncomfortable questions...left with no recourse other than to answer those questions honestly. Now those problems are gone, dealt with. What I discovered after doing this, (aside from those basic fundamentals I mentioned earlier), was that everything else in life is just 'unnecessary extras'....just fluff. Thanks for the piece on 'mind reading', I needed that. I've had a couple confusing experiences with neighbours playing games with me (after not getting something from me that they wanted mind you as I'm steadfast on my boundaries these days) that had me working out their motives in my mind. Stupid really, as I can't possibly know for sure what's going on in their mind....and most importantly, as you said, "It. Is. None. Of. My. Business". lol As always, thank you so much for all your life changing insight....it really helps me through my day to day journey :)

[@hebahmuhammad8607]

What you said is so relatable! It’s so helpful and beautiful! Keep being amazing and happy! Thanks for your precious words..

[@marymaher4036]

@@hebahmuhammad8607 ,I so agree 100% with what you said about previous post;so true and I, too,feel the same.Thanks so much.😃😀

[@steviemcintyre9718]

No one is coming to do it for you. Liberating Liberating. Never thought of it that way. Thanks for all your knowledge and help

[@juliakristinamah]

Really grateful it connected Stevie.

[@savvylewinski4762]

My dad told me this years ago when I was in hs or early 20s but, he's ludicrously blunt & realistic. @ the time, too much. I hear this from this kind speaking lady & I will get there. I'm still not ready but, @ 27 I'm starting to mature.

[@laurachisholm1087]

No one is coming is definitely hard to accept

[@juliakristinamah]

I hear you!

[@tanchingy4881]

how about,why should anyone?what abt ,does anybody owe us to come? Hardcore,huh?

[@lorianne4608]

It is very hard to accept. Life is hard! I’ve always been waiting for life to be good. I understand that only I can change my life and be happy. I must find the strength to improve my life and so far I sold my house and moved into a little condo. This is much easier for me to manage. I’ve accomplished this. It was hard. But now I’m in my own home and I have the power over my own being. I am working on being mindful and grateful. Thank you Doctor Kristina!!!

[@laneylandis28]

I learned that late in life, that no one is coming... but wow!!! Yesssss it is so liberating!

[@juliakristinamah]

Right? Glad we're on the same page with this one!

[@sassysandie2865]

Brought some tears so it triggered something. I think I spent years waiting for someone to come and rescue me from life and make everything better. I finally realized I have to do that for myself. Spent a lot of wasted years😩 I do sometimes think others are thinking bad things about me or they don’t like me if I don’t hear from them for a while. I tend to jump to the worst conclusion which I know is ridiculous lol! Thanks for another great video. You’re wise beyond your years.❤️

[@savvylewinski4762]

I was & am quietly triggered. Whoever reads this is going to laugh hilariously, I have too. I use to think my life would be better out of the south by marrying a handsome Asian guy who is looking for a wife was going to take me to their hometown while I enjoyed him, his cooking, & make some babies. I'm starting to mature @ 27 & realized the guy might come from a southeast Asian country that disrespects women, he can change negatively, being female I would learn how to cook from his mom & be criticized while being told I'm never enough for her son, the possible kids will be possibly stressed by their father & possibly bullied for being mixed. I learned that is not the way I want my life, I should make my life & not jump into something regretful like my dad did w/my mom. I hope I'm on topic😬...

[@cherbug1197]

“No one is coming”....(sound of crickets)hmmm well I better just get on with taking care of myself! 😂. Nothing like a good ol slap of reality! Thank you soooo much! Love your channel!👏💕

[@juliakristinamah]

Super devastating and super empowering all at the same time - right?

[@cherbug1197]

Julia Kristina Counselling it is! Leaves no choice but to take action for yourself.

[@vesnadjordjevic28]

I find it both... but first hurt very much.

[@savvylewinski4762]

On 1 hand incredibly scary & abandoned w/ freedom, on the other no one is "North Korea" to me & paranoia of a death sentence. For me, both.

[@savvylewinski4762]

@@mermaidlifeonearth I thank you for typing, "if you believe in god" 1st, quite respectful! 🤗😁🤙🤝I'm working on this but, doesn't happen in short time.

[@chathurasandakelum7641]

"Happiness is not a destination, it's a Decision " best advise I've ever recieved.

[@powg2]

"No one is coming!!" What perfect words to hear. I am 100% alone in this world now. It's gonna be a challenge I can already tell but I accept.

[@juliakristinamah]

You're not alone Pete! You're just the only person who is responsible for your happiness.

[@savvylewinski4762]

I agree, a challenge yes, but we have to accept. I'm trying to take the 1st step. I'll meet others along the way.

[@junkjunk2493]

me too buddy carry on one day atta time

[@ModMINI]

Yeah. You gotta look out for yourself. Make it your duty to make yourself happy, to learn the techniques to do so. Because unhappiness is just bad programming and you just need to learn new programming. Won't happen overnight but the journey itself will be part of the reward.

[@angiemcgee6797]

“There is no rescue boat coming, keep threading water, ride the wave to the shore, and save yourself.” I got off my ass and started to heal when I wrote this to myself. Blessings to all on their personal journey.

[@eviekween3069]

Oh yes, happiness is a decision, not a destination. So good!

[@juliakristinamah]

Big one, right?

[@888merry]

Random reply from a stranger selecting people at random. 😉 Remember that this world is a wonderful world and that you have great potential. You are stronger than you can imagine. Never settle in this life. Go for your wildest dreams and you can achieve them. Piece, joy, happiness and love can be yours if you allow them into your life. Keep going you wonderful soul. ❤️

[@LR-yu3mx]

Valiable message! I actually have come to that conclusion. No one is necessary to keep me afloat...only God I walk with Him. My comfort always lies in praying and reading the Bible.

[@kathleenfinnerty7846]

Thank you you are phenomenal that was like a year of therapy saved

[@juliakristinamah]

Ha! You're welcome - I'll send my bill in the mail ;-) jk jk.

[@TheNarrowPath40]

All of these. But the two biggest were the expectations we put on others, and NO One is coming. So good. Thank you, Julia. Eye opener for me.

[@Mitchellaaroncoleman]

No one is coming is the best thing I have heard. Wow wow wow. Game changer !!! We got this !!! Love life and succeed!!!!

[@bellavita2484]

Mind reading and assuming that people are thinking negative things about me...it never comes to my mind that someone might be thinking something positive about me. Thank you for this! Your channel is really helpful and your videos are often exactly what I needed to hear :) Keep doing what you're doing. 💗👍

[@juliakristinamah]

Bella Vita - really grateful that made some lightbulbs go on. Grateful to have you here!

[@oliviascott4780]

I'm guilty of this one

[@mariannedijkhuizen4925]

WAUW, you nailed it again. To the point, I love it!!!!!!!!! It sets you free😃 You are responsible for your own life. So you better make something beautiful of it. I'm 65years old, so I don't let anybody spoil a second of my time. And anybody means also myself. In the past I let people run over my. I don't let them do that anymore. I'm not a people pleaser anymore. I noticed that I've gain more respect. Life is treating me well these days. Thank you for being a part of that😍

[@juliakristinamah]

SO so glad to hear this Marianne! You go girl ;-)

[@savvylewinski4762]

I need to stop people & parent pleasing as well.

[@autumnmogle9408]

Changing from assuming others have negative thoughts/feelings about me, to assuming they have positive feelings....so powerful!! That will definitely give myself and many others such confidence!! I see so much good in others, so I'm sure they must of me as well :) thank you!!

[@juliakristinamah]

It's a huge shift, right? Changed my life when I started doing this. Let me know how it goes!

[@jamesstephanski5893]

I just don't see how it's possible to just simply "change the way you think". If I could do that, I wouldn't be watching these videos right now. The way I think has always been the problem, and probably always will be. I get so angry when I have a panic attack, or bad anxiety, or whatever, and people say "just stop". We'll gee, didn't know it was that simple, okay I will, thanks.

[@chrisschams6349]

I LOVE that being HAPPY IS NOT A DESTINATION- IT IS A DECISION!!!

[@KTB77777]

“Happiness is not a destination. It is a decision.” That was a good one! Thank you.

[@marchayes5896]

very clear and beautifully delivered............

[@juliakristinamah]

That means a lot to me Marc. Thanks for taking the time to say so.

[@firelily07]

"Flinging mud from the cheap seats" - as a person who thinks heavily in metaphors, I am totally adding that to my mental self-talk library, and not allowing the behavior it describes to infect my outlook. Thank you for that, Julia! And thank you from all of us whose lives you are touching with your spot-on, thoughtful, and caring guidance. Love your heart!

[@liaisonliaison5350]

A characteristic example taken from my life is the following: Last summer I was working as a waitress in a famous hotel. one of the guests was from Prague. I had a constant notion that he was not liked me, he was hating me, I guessed it from his face, I thought. He stayed for ten consecutive days, all these days I had the same feeling, I was so sure for his feeling. BUT the day he left, he came to me , he told me that the service was great and he would be glad to meet me the next year, he gave me a GENEROUS tip. Many thanks from Greece.

[@izawaniek2568]

Nobody is coming to the rescue. It is liberating and inspiring. Thank you.

[@kamif3187]

I love the last point: 'no one is coming, to save us, to fix us, etc.' First time I realised this as teeneager (living with violent narcistic father and absent passive unavailable mother) and I was searching the way to free myself from abuse and violence. I didn't have great understanding of the concept but the seed has been planted in my mind and soul. Then I fell in abusive relationship for years - there was second call of realisation: I read the book: "Women who love too much" Robin Norwood. I undersdood that there is no one to save me, I have to do this myself. Then I started my work to expand my capacity, I was learning lots of different things and step by step moving forward. I am 43 now and still doing work with myself... but when looking backwards, I see how far I came from, how many battles I fouht. I am still not the person who I want to be but I achieved something really big that not many people can understand... and I understand why they not, because they have not done work, they 'going with flow' and waiting for miracles or other 'chances which are behind corner'. But there is nothing! Only you! And only you can do it! So, the thing what I achieved is - freedom. I doing my life from my free will foundation and I wouldn't sell this out for any treasure on this world. Freedom is equal to being responsible for yourself (that's why people sabotaging own freedom - they don't want to take responsibility of themselves); it gives deep understanding that your actions/no-actions have consequences and you are responsible for your choices; if your life gets shit = you made it! = you can change it), sometimes it's hard but... there is noting to compare with wonderful feeling that you live your own life, and your life trully meaning. Thank you for reading.

[@Lana0624]

No one is coming....is a bummer, but so true. Thanks for the much needed reminder.

[@juliakristinamah]

Powerful one, right Lana? I hear you on it being a bummer at first. I hope it turns to a really empowering one soon!

[@jasonwilson7708]

No one is coming is a tough one I’ve worked through before because there had been promises made and I gave so much of myself. It’s empowering though. There are people whose intentions are negative; however, those can be avoided and showing up with an assumption that people’s intent is positive would help quite a bit and prevent unnecessary conflict. Thanks for sharing.

[@Watergirl3478]

Jason Wilson I feel you. I am the same way. I used to give so much to others above myself and I used to rely on a friend who turned against me. She was my rock and met all of my needs and I met all of her‘s. She even force me to do things and to come out of my shell. Sometimes I would get mad at her but I loved it. But then she turned against me and she and her boyfriend put me through hell when I lived with them. I also need to start seeing that people aren’t going to judge me. In fact, most people do assume good things about me.

[@jasonwilson7708]

Destiny DiMattei : Thanks for sharing Destiny! It takes time to get over something like that.

[@jasonwilson7708]

Destiny DiMattei I can tell you are a caring person and I’m sure others pick up on that as well. Take care.

[@juliakristinamah]

It's true - there are people with malicious intent -for those people we get really strong and healthy boundaries ;-)

[@jasonwilson7708]

Julia Kristina Counselling : I needed that reminder. Thanks

[@jonathanhinson7397]

I love the idea of happiness being a decision and not a destination. I really needed that today. Thanks!

[@adsicks]

Those are the foundation of emotional sobriety and at least in my case they take a concerted effort. Thank you for reminding me one more time what I need to do today....

[@juliakristinamah]

So glad it connected. Grateful to have you here!

[@shannonwolfe3670]

emotional sobriety - i've never head that term and it's a revelation!

[@maryguillen9709]

1. Mind reading How would you show up differently if you assume other people are thinking good thoughts about you. Other people’s opinions are none of your business. 2. Waiting for life to get good to wait to be happy. Happiness is not a destination it’s a decision. Be present in the moment, be grateful 3. Expecting other people to offer things that they are not offering Respect that other people’s jobs isn’t meeting your needs and expectation Nobody can make you happy and it’s not their responsibility to do that. 4. Life if supposed to be easy We get to do this once so do the best we can 5. No one is coming to do it for you Nobody else is more impacted with what you do with your life but you. That’s a good thing because you don’t have to wait to get the life that you want.

[@patriciak826]

Expecting things from people that they are not offering hits home especially when you mention that it's putting my happiness on their shoulders. And when you mention that it may be coming from those of us who are more empathetic and in tune with other people's emotions it strikes a chord.

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad this connected Patricia.

[@thl4444]

yeah so true. Once life was really tough for me and I went for a run and I saw a little beetle on the ground making his way. It made me think that life really is hard even for a little beetle on the ground. But look at him even he's doing his best and he's making his way, he is not just giving up cuz it's hard. It made me want to keep going and encouraged me and somehow felt really relatable to this little beetle on the ground. Like life is just hard by default for every living things really so we should be like that little beetle and just press on and never give up

[@catharinepizzarello4784]

I have accepted that I walk this life alone. I do have the mindreader problem. We can’t know anyone’s thoughts. The best indication is their behavior. This is the best time of my life.

[@agennarien2418]

Mindreading ✅, Assuming/expecting ✅, Stopping/giving up ✅, no one is coming ✅

[@waffles2367]

yes, i do find it devastating that there is not someone coming to swoop down and fix my life. I try so hard to make my life mine the way i want it to be. Thank you, you're like my best friend, I love your style.

[@kamifearlessoul122]

It’s not about destination is about enjoying the journey, being present in the process is not always easy ,but is necessary to be happy😊 ❤️🙏is a decision 🙌

[@leannestewart5814]

I love that no one gets to do it for me. That is true freedom and means I get to choose for myself...any direction and any outcome...all there just for me!

[@sachikuwahara5460]

I think that the notion that no one is coming is liberating. I waited for years and years hoping someone would save me from my misery and as time progressed, I started to feel even more sad, angry, and lonely because it made me feel like no one cared. However, once I adopted the thought that no one is coming and I am responsible for my own happiness, I was able to let go of the anger and sadness. Yes I still feel lonely, but for the first time I feel like I am in control of my future.

[@andymehlhoff2121]

Happiness is a decision not a destination!! U are one of my new favorite ppl.

[@shannonwolfe3670]

me too, she's a new fave!

[@justChrisjones]

That is a good lesson, sad but true. Give yourself time with that concept. We live in a humane society, where hopefully you get yourself to an agency that can help you. If your handicapped or injured, please know how to call 911. Please notify authorities if someone is being abused or neglected. Reach out to others if you are able. Help the homeless, or foodless. Raise your hand out for help if you neef it. God Bless you. Pray.

[@handcraftprojects3508]

Yes something about No one is coming. Its freightning and also liberating to live and act on what I believe.

[@carieyounginsurance]

I admit I don’t feel liked by a lot of people. I try to stop that feeling- that’s my mother’s projection that I took as my own as a small child. I catch myself and turn the thought around! I love myself and others will/do too! Ultimately what other people think of me is none of my business- that saying sets me free too!

[@mcarolinejoseph6154]

I had a hard time with nobody coming for me so I got off my lazy behind and moved on since I was a child nobody was coming so had to grow up fast still going forward with life and I love it thanks to you

[@melyndafrazer1962]

Can’t hear this information enough…. I absolutely love this video and it is devastating and takes me to what I need to hear when you say no one is coming. I am a shifter since about July 2021 and I need to hear this information over and over again.. until I get it… no one is coming…

[@mmariokart231]

Wooo! Thank you so much for doing this, it helps and you are making the difference you’re aiming for

[@juliakristinamah]

Jimmy, seriously. That means the world to me.

[@mr.d.572]

If you have family members who ALWAYS have a negative opinion of you *no matter what you do,* it's a safe bet that they will have bad thoughts toward you. At that point, best you can do is adjust your relationship with them accordingly. That could mean minimal contact, a period of separation, no contact, or anything in between.

[@Somewhere-In-AZ]

Mr. D. I did put some distance between me and my siblings. The sad thing was I sold everything to move home to care for Mom in her later years. I can't actually leave now, but I disappear whenever they are there. They are Mom's favorites so I won't make her choose between us. I'm building a house nearby so I won't have to be in the same house. I'm happy. Moms happy. I don't care what the others think. I'm successful so it's okay. Maybe they are afraid I'm taking their place as the darlings that Mom adores. LOL If they only knew how she defends their bad behavior toward me! She usually blames me, even though I don't really deserve the bad temper tantrums they throw. It's not my problem. 🤔😄✌🏽️

[@mr.d.572]

@@Somewhere-In-AZ Not a good situation - I feel for you but am glad you're able to make the best of it. Sounds like you're handling it well. My family situation has always been complicated, and I have never had much support, just alot of criticism and disappointment. But, it stopped bothering me as much awhile back, and I feel alot better when minimizing or cutting off contact with some of them, since they have zero self-awareness and no desire to work through any issues of any sort.

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes, boundaries are important when people show themselves to be unsafe.

[@saranyatraj3319]

No one is coming - this hit me straight in head. I have been watching your videos lately..Julia , I must say.. U say all that I am going through and teach me how to get out of things. Thank you .

[@MiaChase555]

No one is coming... sad to say that one was a revelation in childhood. Now it's just staying motivated to keep going and not get stuck which is a lifelong process. When? Then is the one that is more self-sabotaging. Enjoying your content. It's very helpful.

[@wendyloulou0427]

#1. Big time. And at the lowest point in my life years ago-#5. I spent years waiting for someone to just come and get me. Make it all better. Once I decided to start working on things myself, there’s been no looking back.

[@juliakristinamah]

Awesome Wendy!!

[@uperbee]

You have become the my go too. That friend that tell you what you already know, but shares what they really see, that we are too afraid to face. I hear you. I'm listening. You are slowly helping me, be better at who I am. Big Hug. Screw what they think. Bigger Hug

[@mireillelebeau2513]

Bad habits that are keeping you stuck, well I know what Julia wants to talk about, then she said mindreading...awesome!

[@juliakristinamah]

lol

[@jcat7553]

You Rock. The truth shall set you free! I can hear this with ease now!! Is this the core struggle??

[@juliakristinamah]

So so glad it connected J Cat!

[@AmandaSuperFly]

When you said "it's none of your business" it weirdly clicked with me! This is a great video! Keep up the good work!

[@cynthiaaker6351]

Love it, "no one is coming." After years of trying to figure out how to "fix" my marriage, and ask why my husband was never happy, I heard myself think one day, "it's not your job to make him happy, and no one is going to make you happy but you." It was the catalyst that started the ball rolling to leaving my 27 year marriage. I am married almost 4 years now, to a man who is self aware, and if you have self awareness, then you have something to work with and build upon.

[@veronicalouis8275]

NO ONE IS COMING!!!! Omg!!! God continue to give me the strength!!

[@Favorites0119]

I live with chronic illness and I try to live a happy life. My illness keeps me stuck. It’s so hard to do what all the counselors like you say when my illness is in the way. Your last comment hit hard. I agree when it comes to trying to heal yourself, being better and making changes every one of us is alone. No one and I mean no one is 100% their for you except you. No dr. No counselor no family member or friend. It’s all up to you. If you have something that you can’t handle but stuck with your whole life like illness or a disorder it’s up to you to make the best of it. It’s sad and lonely. When your in physical pain and alone because every one is busy creating and living their lives and I’m sitting on the couch starring at the walls with my business suit on trying to start my life but can’t cause the pain is debilitating. But I have to or I won’t eat. I will loose the shelter over my head. I’ll be naked if I don’t try. Being stuck is not an option but for me it’s extra hard and extra lonely doing all of it with a monkey on my back.(illness) No one is every there it’s just you. Sure there are good times and good memories but when the room is empty it’s just you. Good luck to you all. I only wish you the best when trying to be the greatest you.

[@intel70100]

Great video I think everyone can relate to this in some way if they are honest with themselves. Great advice it's never to late to learn. Keep up your great work. Many thanks Xxx 🤗🤗🤗

[@juliakristinamah]

So so glad it connected! Thanks for your kind words.

[@ruby6734]

Thank you beauty for this video ♡ for me I have been through the first one and because of it I fear doing anything in front of people and even I am stressing while eating in front of them

[@yoramalon5273]

Julia kristina at her best. Its like listening to a caring/scolding mother. Thank you for each and every word. I am sorry, i cant stop reading people's minds. Its not up to me. Its not my doing, its the entity. Reading is not the accurate term. Its mind reach. Not my fault. I have no control over it. I can only avoid the effective range, or avoid people altogether.

[@victoriaburgess700]

Having expectations will disappoint all the time. Best to have intentions…and if something or someone does align, time to have a conversation with you or the other. Expectations in relationships is not good; communication when it’s time without getting all worked up is the way to go. Glad I’m a Taoist which mantra is “effortless effort”. Peace!

[@terriwhalen3618]

Happiness comes from within.

[@LuluSipsTea]

OUCH, to "no one is coming". Truth at all costs though. Subsonciously i was expecting someone to come. Thanks Julia, that was an eye-opener for me.

[@sylviaolivares5379]

A great insight Julia Kristina...true and so beneficial to the way we want to live...thank you once again...you are awesome!😊❤

[@juliakristinamah]

Always love getting your comments Sylvia. YOU are awesome!

[@sylviaolivares5379]

@@juliakristinamah Thank you so much 😊

[@lttlod1]

This showed up on my feed. I needed this ass kicking today. It's Independence Day and the coincidence is not lost on me. I'm Independent. No one is coming to save me and nor do I need them to : )

[@MissAllaCinderella]

I do EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. THESE🤯. 😰No wonder my life is a mess! Thank you soooo much for sharing!!! I need to watch this video every day.

[@BKLNHobo]

"No one is coming" is just another way of acknowledging that we enter the world alone and leave it the same way. People continually enter and leave our lives for a variety of reasons and seasons, but at the end of the day, our life's journey and its purpose belong to us.

[@lorishelstad5968]

Thank u, for clarification! I feel like I'm on the rail. I'm remembering but I have almost fallen, awesome!

[@juliakristinamah]

Really so glad it connected Lori.

[@obertbrinley6541]

Thank you Dr. Julia Kristina. I feel like a weight has lifted from my shoulders. Now I can rewrite my goals for me. I am clearly thinking. 😊

[@Barbacito]

Hi Julia!! I'm Luis and I'm from Italy and you don't know how much your videos are helping me getting through my nasty mind blocks :( You're really beautiful and lively, it's a pleasure to watch you! But please, at least for your eyes... lower the power at those lights!! :D I feel bad for you, you're constantly blinking it breaks my heart! You're gonna look beautiful anyway, I promise :)

[@juliakristinamah]

Ha! Thanks Luis. I think I must just blink a lot because my light isn't that bright ;-)

[@kimsullivan]

I recently took an art class because I have always thought that I am no good at art. One thing I discovered from the art class is process. You just draw the shapes and the lines, and trust that it's going to resemble something recognizable. Focus on the process. This reminds me of your emphasis on the decision to be happy by being here now. Stop focusing on the destination.

[@slurpeemonster1967]

Wow. Ok your last point, no one is coming. I have to admit, I ask God all the time to stop what I am going through. That I'm putting it onto someone else. That I either dont wanna do the work cause its gonna be work to change it or I'm not ready or whatever. But when you said no one is coming, no one is going to do it for you, a light bulb turned on!! This has never happened around this subject before. I KNOW no one can change me or take away my thoughts or how I think them, but it hit me. I still want someone to do it cause I dont know how. Cause when you're a child, your mother does so much for you. Cuts up your meat, washes your face, dresses you. Someone else did it for me. And I learned to wash my face and dress myself, I just have to learn what I dont know how to do which IS to take great care of myself. It wasnt as devastating as it has been in the past to hear that. I just kinda shut off or shut down when no one did it for me, and I know I'm different from everyone else and my wants and needs are different. I've said many times, if 40 billion of us were all the same, looked alike talked alike thought alike, then why would so many people need to be here!?? Thank you!! That was helpful

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

Most people don’t care and the rest are glad it’s you

[@anitaroempke7310]

I changed totally, I just present myself as the person I am cause I like myself and I trust myself, and I woul love 💕 to be friends with myself

[@sage4nowty129]

Hello Julia. Most of the things that you mentioned, I have done in my life at some time. Also, I do have the ability to bounce back when bad things happen to me. This is something that I learned going through life. That I wasn't aware I was doing at first. But there was no one else to help me, so I just kept going. It has definitely not been easy! And I have cried sometimes, but I kept going, I had no choice.

[@JV-cl8sq]

The tough part is moving forward on the path to better yourself. I realized the 5th point early on in my life and it makes you lose any kind of hope. For me, I'd try. However, what happens is like what you discussed in one of your other videos, I'd half-ass it. I know things are hard, but in my mind, I still refuse to go all in. There would be times too when I'd force myself to go all in too (realizing in some way but not fully that I shouldn't be half-assing), but still fail. This feeling is really debilitating. Thank you again for your videos. I signed up for the waitlist, but in the meantime, I hope I can find more answers to help me.

[@michellesy9465]

No one is coming. I am in a process of truly owning that. I found it hard to get through it for so long. I have a mom who is super controlling and manipulative. She had me believe that she's the only one who can make things happen. Even if i venture out to do things on my own, she would not allow it and would instead convince me that my decisions were bad and her's were the only ones that would go well. So she made life decisions for me in the guise of doing what is best because mothers know best and as a kid and a daughter I am duty-bound to obey... or else. So i brought all that with me through most of my adult life. She has since rid herself of any accountability on that and it hasn't been easy unlearning those things she left me with because i had thought it was normal and it's been a predominant way how i deal with everything. I thank God for putting in place people who treated me differently and showed me a different way of being. But it is very difficult for me to cultivate meaningful and healthy relationships because i am finding my own identity and do slip back into how things used to be. I'm still trying to shed away all the wrong ideals i learned and establish new ones at the same time. May God help me find my path. I really want to get better and live a life the way God meant for me.

[@cathycoomer508]

Hi I'm Cathy.i reading minds I hate it.i just prayed God help me stop.it makes me crazy.your a blessing thanks.

[@mominator69]

1. Mind reading, often my souse. It is challenging because I have made efforts all throughout my 30year marriage to ask him, not what he is thinking but rather when he reacts a particular way I may ask if he is ok or if I upset him. He usually shakes his head and doesn't say anything. Sometimes he answers my questions with questions and isn't he telling me to read his mind if I am asking him about his thoughts and he asks me to answer that for him. 2. waiting to be happy. I'm happy most of the time. 3. Waiting for someone to offer something they are not offering. They cannot give what they do not have/want to give. Even if they used to I guess. Don't expect. 4. Thinking life is supposed to be easy. Yeah, life is hard but some things do not have to be so difficult, like communication, like answering a question. 5. No one is coming to do it for you. Yep knew that one actually, I had to crawl out of the trenches of my youth all by myself and I had to let go of everything and everyone, at least for a season, so I could discover who I was and make a way for myself. Joined the USARMY and discovered just how strong I am. Unfortunately, we can forget our own strength when utilizing it may cause us a great deal of pain so we may just get stuck hoping that someone, anyone will come and especially if we hold on to hope that the one we long for will return to us(even/especially if they never physically left) so we can pick up where we left off and start to live again.

[@rjlukas7148]

This trumatic expierience i went through trys to crush me, trys to hold me back , hold me down, invade my mind,, my every thought constantly. It`s my endless fight for freedom, for my life to be calm , to find more happiness, to feel normal once again. . If i don`t fight every hour , day , week at a time i`ll be overwhelmed, give it all up, cash it in. I`m not afraid to disappear, I JUST DON`T WANT TO.. Julia helps more than anyone i have heard, which keeps me going, even at a standstill, falling back, falling apart. But, hopefully staggering foward with little things that add up in this laborious journey.

[@afshinkhoshnezhad8479]

Hi,i watched your 'how to stop being a people pleaser' several times and it helped me enormously,thank you, I'm afshin khoshnejad from Iran

[@sharonj.9597]

On my way to a better ME! Thank you for your videos!

[@billwong6077]

#1- this definitely happened to me in the last few years. I am worried about people perceives about me with my career directions. I do TOO MUCH mind reading. #3- this definitely happened to me in the last 12 months. I have found out this has been an area I am extremely poor at. I now realize that there will be some goals and aspirations of mine where this bad habit will come into play in the future if I don't learn my lessons. Thanks for this video because I have been realizing I am sabotaging. I did not know it was a combination of 2 factors going on at the same time that caused it.

[@terriwhalen3618]

Ok, I can think life needs to ve easy. Guilty, but, at same time, thankfully so, it has made me who I am now! AMEN!

[@lisaed21]

It's pretty scary to think no one can fix me, except me. That said, I've got to get out of my FREEZE zone. I always knew about flight or fight, but the freeze part is what I hadn't realized that I deal with continually. Gotta get unfrozen! THANK YOU again sweet lady! I am going back over some major kick booty strategies that you've given me before. These I know...just have to do!

[@cailiebetz8490]

I think joy is more attainable then consistent happiness.

[@lauromartinsdagama8942]

I know what some people think about because of the things that they tell about me behind my back. But what u teach is very important .thanks for your teachings

[@joannastelzer933]

You are helping me incredibly!!! Wish I could tell you all my crap and listen to you advice. Any chance you have a video on surviving emotional trauma?

[@absolutelypositively]

Wow....I can’t deny that I’m guilty of them all. Probably the biggest being mind reading. I often assume something only to find out I was completely and embarrassingly incorrect. I’m so glad I found your channel. Just the fact that you give so much good advice for so many is a comfort. Thank you.

[@TaraWagner]

Oh my gawd these are so good Julia! I've been guilty of all of this at some point in my life. 😆 Fist bump for personal growth! 😂👊🏻

[@juliakristinamah]

Ha! Thanks you amazing women, you!

[@ct3975]

I’m literally just about ready to throw in the towel. #5. Gives me hope. Nobody cares about me but me. When getting that into my head it’s ok. I don’t need anyone.