5 Surprising Things Secure People Do Everyday

[@GadgetsGearCoffee]

Excellence vs perfection Don't dwell/ruminate Don't hold grudges Don't get pulled into negativity - I have stopped this more or less, especially with internet trolls or idiot boys in the gaming community. I just ignore them, mute them. They haaaateeeee it because suddenly they have been silenced and that's when you regain your power. Boundaries, no obligation, guilt Wow, looking at all this and learning and working on my attachment style it makes me realize how much it impacted all areas of my life. I'm better with all these things just because at some point when you keep getting knocked down you just stop doing these things, but still not quite there in actual romantic life.

[@jcat7553]

I’m going to go the “Ha”. Can’t wait. Thanks Julia!! Will let you know. Luv this video ❤️

[@juliakristinamah]

Yesss!! Let me know how it goes.

[@michellehodgson444]

Good info! After a group bullying situation at work recently. I realized I hold onto grudges and have never been good at setting boundaries. I no longer work at this job anymore and realize I have to stop holding grudges for my own well-being. Working on boundaries.

[@juliakristinamah]

Boundaries are everything Michelle - I'm so glad you're taking them seriously.

[@heather4089]

I struggled for years with my lack of confidence. I grew in a very loving home, but my grandparents (raised me) didn’t know any better. The rest of my family always made their best in putting me down. All I wanted to do in life to succeed they would try their best to sabotage by telling me oh you can’t do that you won’t be good at it, blah blah! It got to the point that at my age (50) I moved far away from them, in order to keep their toxic behavior away from me and my kids (adults now) I didn’t want them to affect my kids with their negative behavior.

[@amydeleon3387]

carmen arocho yes! Good for you! That takers a lot of courage - sad, but sometimes the most toxic people are our own families 😥💓

[@fatimasamira3695]

Your story resonates with me

[@MariaSantos-gm7ps]

Thanks Julia

[@bonkahermitakaintjudge9228]

Fake it till you make it, maintain an optimistic mindset,practice indefinitely, work on small projects and work our way up meanwhile taking pride in your accomplishments and of course all of the points you covered as well. Thanks again for another great presentation.

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad it connected Bonka - and better that faking it till you make it, FACE IT till you make it. Face your fears, step up, step out, get uncomfortable and do things scared. Discomfort won't kill you and it's absolutely necessary in order to grow ;-)

[@bonkahermitakaintjudge9228]

You are absolutely correct. I remember a when I was always able to do things a bit easier after having a beer. It was so much more fun doing those same things sober. That was a huge growth experience and boost to my self esteem so I am happy to stand corrected lol. Thanks for your response. Take care

[@bonkahermitakaintjudge9228]

Thanks again for your response. Always glad to hear from you

[@amydeleon3387]

Yeasssss! I'm so much more at peace by staying out of unnecessary drama!!! ✌️💓 the space in my brain is too valuable! Recently, I experienced something unfortunate & was talking this over with a friend - until I said (out loud) that yes, I'm sad & disappointed but I'm not gonna dwell on it & I'll be ok - I finally was. & it bothered me no more!!

[@juliakristinamah]

THIS is EVERYTHING Amy! Thanks for sharing.

[@kimmcdonald2022]

Not dwell on perfection. I do that. Your info is spot on for me.

[@juliakristinamah]

I'm a recovering perfectionist so I totally feel you on this one Kim.

[@cdex00]

The difference between perfection and excellence... worth a listen.

[@wds1981]

I'm so thankful I came across your videos. I've struggled for decades with depression and insecurity and never knew, I thought that was just life, it is what it is. God always puts people in your life at the right time. So thank you for doing what your doing. You do make a difference.

[@ralphstadler429]

Thank you for the information Julia it's so valuable to us all we really appreciate it have a great weekend love you

[@kavitadeva]

Hi Julia. Thanks for opening the layers Of what the experience of being Emotionally Secure is about. I related to alot of it. As I have grown my Mental Health is more important than being led by my insecurities and Suffering. I appreciate your passion.

[@juliakristinamah]

So grateful to be a part of your journey kavita deva.

[@lollirot6464]

I'm not going to dwell on perfection! Thanks for the video!

[@juliakristinamah]

It's such a good one Lolli Rot - keep me posted on how it goes!

[@TheMk596]

I'm a very big perfectionist, and I knew my being a perfect was damaging me. But I understand that being perfect is not the answer. But couldn't understand why. Now I do a little bit better. Julia your the best.

[@PhillipRajcany]

"[Its not just] the STARS align" and become a confident person. Lol! It's a thought that's crossed my mind in pressure situations. If I just face THIS fear, it will transform me, somehow into a confident worthy person. Overcoming a fear feels great, but I'm beginning to realize that it is not a prerequisite to feeling the inherent self-worth.

[@juliakristinamah]

You don't have to overcome your fears to build your sense of self-worth - you have to trust yourself that you can do it scared (and be kind to yourself if you end up falling on your face in the process) ;-)

[@er.ka3]

I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you leaving in your imperfect analogies! A lot of you tubers would cut that out and do a re-take but, it’s great to see people remaining confident through their faults and admitting when something isn’t their strong-suit. 😊

[@juliakristinamah]

lol. Thanks Erika - I'm a recovering perfectionist so am doing my best to practice what I preach. Plus I love connecting with all of you more authentically

[@eacampbell4603]

Don’t get pulled into unnecessary arguments. “huh”. That’s it. Let it go. YESSSS! I am hanging on to this!

[@patricialangeveld1227]

You are an inspiration to this channel. I haven't been on here that long but I've learned a lot from you already. You are an asset to your profession. For all the terrible therapists out there (there are many good ones also) you could learn a lot from this lady about caring about people and really wanting to help them. I'm so glad I found you on this channel!!

[@aprilc.3697]

Had an argument with someone at work who’s in a position of power over me. It was a necessary opportunity for me to stand up for myself and tell him how wrong he was. I ended up walking away during the argument since I didn’t want it to escalate further. I feel good about this.

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

Dwelling on the past has been holding me back! Thank you Julia!😘😘💗💗

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad this helped. Are you ready to honour your past and start to move forward??

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

@@juliakristinamah Yes, dear. I am

[@karinaleon2824]

Thank you Julia!!have a Nice day!!!

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks for being here Karina and you too!

[@HyacinthFl0wer]

I loved the “Huh!” in response to an argument.Great advice. 😀 Mind you, I so liked the whole video. 😊

[@juliecosgrove2339]

Julia I have been watching a lot of your vids. I am so grateful for you being on here! I was in a really black place and this has been a life line for me and I have been studying personal development and have a keen interest in becoming a therapist myself. My therapist was positive and encouraging about it. Thank you so much 😊

[@jacqueslamer7527]

Hi Julia Kristina, great video, loved it, I deal with many emotionally immature folks and always tended to get caught up in their missery, but now have made changes - i like your cousin's method of not getting caught up in other peoples arguements, don't get pulled into meaningless, petty scabbles, just say "Huh"and leave it at that.

[@lize8714]

Nice to notice I do choose to "learn" vs "lament", even when heart was broken. I did lament for a long time, but when I couldn't handle doing that anymore, I did see I began looking for 'what did I learn?' to help myself move on. With that, the comments of resentment did touch a nerve. Thanks, I need to work on that (regardless of the broken heart!). I was thinking too, your video's might be good to share with granddaughter (pre-teen). I don't live local to her and want to encourage her more. You have a bright face and deliver positive messages in an upbeat way, so I'm going to try it. Thanks!

[@juliakristinamah]

There's a difference between feeling our feelings and keeping ourselves stuck in suffering. We need time to grieve and feel and lament, but allowing ourselves to move through when and how we can so we don't keep ourselves stuck in unnecessary suffering.

[@juliakristinamah]

@Sylvi o Pain is inevitable - suffering is optional.

[@paulinewhalen6761]

Thanks for sharing your message and I have started to walk away from dum arguments . It made me feel empowered

[@dramendiana373]

Oh, the "unnecessary argument" trap... 😅 I honestly think that I'm improving not falling into that, also the perfectionism... my biggest challenges. 🤔 I believe I'm getting more and more secure each day, yep! 😎 And your content is one of the reasons for that, thanks! 😊

[@juliakristinamah]

THIS! Isn't it empowering when we don't let ourselves get pulled in?

[@dramendiana373]

@@juliakristinamah Absolutely empowering! I love the sensation of freedom that brings noticing we can choose not participate in what we don't want to be part of. Free will rocks! 💖

[@juliakristinamah]

@@dramendiana373 yes yes YES!!!

[@michaelb1785]

For me it's over doing problems and getting stuck in the struggle. I'm going to feel more free to just give things a go and be more intuitive about the decisions I make.

[@greyareaRK1]

Excellent short list.

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks John. Grateful it connected.

[@margiehenson2440]

KRISTINA. YOU ARE. VERY HELPFUL....ALL YOUR. SUBJECTS ARE. UP-LIFT ING. FOR ME. THANK YOU...😊

[@ludmilamaksimova5516]

Thank you very much for help very in time⚘

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad you found it helpful Ludmila!

[@richardbrooks7157]

I watch your videos over and over again because your so so amazingly great and brilliant your the best of the rest and brilliant at what you do your so so amazingly great at juggling your beautiful family and work I bet you have a brake down at times xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx congratulations xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[@barbaracoulsonstamm4653]

Thank You. I'm have continuous arguments with my sister. I'm learning some new skills ,on positive ways to react and trigger a caring message, a problem solving method . Looking for results of increased self esteem. less drive to be perfect.

[@KristonMahr]

I understand I should treat them how they treat me instead of being a push over. There is a suggest video in my youtube channel feed called "Never under estimate What You've been Through." I've been through it all, that's why I come with well-rounded knowledge. Know it alls will lie to act smart.

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks for sharing this with us Kriston

[@khaff960]

In reference to walking away from unnecessary arguments/conflict. A "close friend" of mine recently told a blatant lie about me to another mutual friend of ours about money. I confronted her about it very calmly and said I heard that she said this and I don't know how to address it but I am hurt. She then said she needed space and hasn't talked to me since. I've been trying to let it go but I'm having a hard time, even having really intense dreams about her. I haven't said anything to her since she said she needed space, but normally I would voice how that effects me. Its been really bothering me and theres nothing I can do in the situation. I wish it felt empowering but I just feel like I lost a friend.

[@abdul2009]

I'm definitely going to try not taking up some unnecessary argument, also, I'm setting boundaries now, thank you for helping me, keep making videos✌🏽

[@juliakristinamah]

Keep me posted on how it goes!

[@abdul2009]

@@juliakristinamah Thank you, and I did and it worked! From now on my older sister and step mother no longer dictate my actions such as when I enter the living room for example, because my actions proved I'd stick to my boundary of them not controlling my behaviour! So they just stay silent(silent treatment(sidenote: they seem to have enough traits to be considered with NPD)), but then feel devastated(thus failing to control me) when they see I still feel calm and (genuinely)happy because it's like an internal boundary I have set to not take on others emotional negativity.

[@mskinner8102]

Julia! I just ate 12 Godiva chocolate eggs, ( the big ones, not the little ones) listening to your video in deep thought...lol ( it was real good) But, yes, 2 incidences, were I kept my cool, didn't respond to a name I was called....and the other I just walked away. I guess I'm growing up!? It only took 54 yrs...the old me would of generally slammed the them back with a deep cutting remark. The second one, I just walked away when someone wanted to fight me...just turned around, I said nothing, just walked away. NOW a days I'm all about preserving my energy.

[@juliakristinamah]

Yup! We work too hard to get our joy to let others just take it away!

[@mskinner8102]

Julia Kristina Counselling Yes! that's a great way of putting it. I've been thinking more in terms of energy & vibrational frequency, its been helping me. I've always have been a happy go lucky- joyous person, wake happy to start my new day, and people like to steel/drain my energy ( ya know! energy vampires...lol ) We have engetic cords with people, and I place my hand over my solar plex to protect my energy now when talking to people. ( so they can't suck the life out of me...lol ) it works! wink & smile. thank you for your awesome videos and time, I appreciate you very much!!

[@juliakristinamah]

@@mskinner8102 Can I offer you something M Skinner? That there aren't such things as Energy Vampires. The only way people can take our energy is if we allow ourselves to get pulled in to whatever they have going on. Does that connect with you?

[@mskinner8102]

Julia Kristina Counselling its a tongue -in- cheek expression, meaning they drain the life out of you. more forthcoming...late here!

[@mskinner8102]

Julia Kristina Counselling Good morning! Google "Lonerwolf The 6 types of energy vampires." that will give you a more unified picture of energy vampires perse. Have a fantastic day!! M

[@yellowunlimited]

I really struggle with getting into arguments with family, the only mechanism i've developed so far is just leaving the room although it tends to look more like storming out than subtly walking away. I'm not sure if you've done an entire video about not getting into arguments so easily, or not wanting to provoke people yourself, but if you haven't I think that would be very useful and interesting.

[@silascochran9705]

I love each lesson I have a tendency to hold grudges when it comes to arguments I tell them this conversation is over thank you keep up the good work❤🌴🐊🌴🕉🌻

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad this connected. Yeah, resentment can be a tough one - but definitely worth it to let ourselves move through the anger

[@silascochran9705]

@@juliakristinamah 🌻🌻🌻❤😁👌

[@Rls1020]

I had a best friend Mark who was always quite good about not getting pulled into arguments or getting rattled. I once told him, "If you were any calmer, you'd be comatose!!!"

[@hipsmelissa]

I have been watching your videos on and off for a couple of months now because I’ve been building myself up to wean off my anti-depressants. My doctor told me i need a therapist to help me with CBT before i can come off my medication but I feel uncomfortable speaking with someone face to face. As of today, my goal is to watch one of your videos every other day so that i can take your guidance on board - do you have any other recommendations? Thank you 😊

[@secretagent3764]

Wow! My husband is super secure, he does all this, me in the other hand I need to work on it!

[@inabind416]

Thank you for making that particular distinction at 11:25.

[@paulaneary3662]

Julia, great video. I have gotten a handle on a lot of this stuff especially lately. Gonna have to work on the "people pleasing" issue. I have gotten a lot better but still often when dealing with my FAMILY I feel like I have to go to this function or that function bc it's "family" even though I kinda don't want to go, am not interested in what they are talking about in general, and will probably get criticized on some level. I think family is important, but don't want to go to everything! Looking for that balance! Thanks for the refresher!

[@PatriciaMuirMaestroQ]

I finally had to exercise my emotional boundaries and disconnect from a precious sibling last year. I am not holding a grudge, but I do carry sadness. We enjoyed such closeness as children, but he does not remember the good times and insists that our childhood and our relationship was toxic.

[@veronicabruce2078]

GREAT U TUBE I can't say no but beginning today

[@juliahaque2296]

Your videos are fantastic! They always lift up my day. I wanted to make a video suggestion on jealousy with others and how to combat and overcome it. There are so many times where people don’t want to get jealous of others but it can be so easily triggered and hard to control. This type of jealousy can involve work, school, career, talents, relationships, friendships etc Many thanks! & keep up the awesomeness :)

[@juliakristinamah]

Yasss Julia!! This is huge. I'm going to put it on my list of upcoming videos to do.

[@simonarango96]

Thank you so much for your videos, I've been learning a lot from your content. Greetings from Colombia! :D

[@juliakristinamah]

So grateful they're connecting with you!

[@juliakristinamah]

Which one of these surprised you most?

[@ingdevita]

Well done.

[@orbitofneptune]

10:50 Thanks Julia! This is the most important part of the video for my life

[@juliakristinamah]

What connected most with you about this?

[@robertfrate6665]

Hi Julia, it’s a shame we can’t talk in person your amazing,

[@rendezvouswithben9187]

Hi there. thanks! 2 thumbs up for this video!

[@claudinesouza8995]

Love this video, Julia! I am better in lots of ways but one thing I could do MUCH better is not to get all upset when people complain about Canada. I love Canada so much and I take it very personally when people say something negative about the weather, or the medical system... I know, they are entitled to their opinions!!! LOL I wish I could be like your cousin: Huh! LOL Anyway, I will BE QUIET next time!!!! I will keep you posted!!!

[@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom]

Claudine I want to tell you that everyone I have met from Canada are wonderful people . Canada is beautiful. I live in Dallas, TX. I am originally from MN.

[@juliakristinamah]

Can't wait to hear how it goes! xo

[@RavenMadd9]

Thank you doc

[@juliakristinamah]

My pleasure, friend!

[@axlfox4048]

I really need to try not letting myself get worked up over things, I've had 9 anxiety/panic attacks so far this year and they're just getting worse and worse. This month alone I had 3 in one week

[@juliakristinamah]

Is there something that helps you ground when you feel the panic coming on? And do yo know what typically triggers it Jaime?

[@axlfox4048]

@@juliakristinamah Honestly most of the time it's just bottle up stress till my emotions explode or music can be both a trigger and coping method. Depending what the songs meaning is it can be a trigger if it's something I can hardcore relate to or some music actually helps me calm down

[@mordaciousfilms]

What I've seen of people who label themselves perfectionists is that they rarely finish anything. They set a lot of goals and never seem to accomplish them because they need everything to be one way before they move forward. I feel like I'm the kind of person who just goes forward, does my best with what I have and gets the job done however I can. I think it's good to humor different perspectives.

[@JevaisaNY]

I love your videos. You’re helping me.

[@desensytyzacja]

I’d love to hear you on podcast on spotify!

[@juliakristinamah]

I've been playing with the podcast idea - would you listen if I made one?

[@LegacyFarmandHomestead]

100%. I am a truck driver so I love listening to longer podcasts. I cant watch videos while driving.

[@FarisMonshi]

Julia Kristina Counselling I think you would totally rock the podcast format.

[@CharlotteHardy]

@@juliakristinamah Yes!!!! Please make one!

[@iw9338]

I decided to take a sabbatical from my sister's so I can process things that happened over our sisters wkend away. Wow what an eye opener.

[@dianamac90]

My daughter's father-in-law is who came to mind for me with this lesson. No matter what I do, he is sneaky enough to cause an issue and it will become my fault. I'm in Seattle and they're in MASSACHUSETTS!!! So it usually happens on a holiday when we are both present (he and his wife even snubbed me at my daughter's wedding!) Creating boundaries and totally refusing to engage still makes me the bad guy somehow. I'm always searching for a decent way to handle this other than refuse to see the rest of the family. Any input wd be appreciated!!

[@coolspot5577]

Nice dear thank you😍

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks for being here!

[@brianthompson1897]

Fantastic video

[@juliakristinamah]

Brian - thank you - that really means a lot.

[@shawnilohman3552]

Thanks for sharing

[@MariaSantos-gm7ps]

Thanks

[@azizaljishi8802]

I love every word you say

[@ralphstadler429]

We must always remember though God is the only one that is perfect and without sin we are all sinners and make mistakes it's important to be able to take accountability and apologize and say hey I made a mistake I'm sorry I know people that cannot even apologize when they are clearly in the wrong and know they've made a mistake I try to keep these people out of my life but when their family members and girlfriends it's impossible to do that how can we get people to be more responsible and admit when they're wrong and apologize for it it's so simple because without that it's hard to move on and grow

[@juliab.75]

Great video!! :) and you're so pretty!

[@karenfiggins7808]

I get angry about various things like about lies but do not argue and then I dwell on it in my mind. Sometimes I express my opinion but run and hide because I know it's controversial.

[@ithirstyforknowledge]

Hi Julia does it mean by get a saying do not take it personal that do not get upset after hearing that comment

[@deboraholiver3716]

giving out of choice and not obligation....

[@gegealthani4636]

I feel insecure all the time when someone talks about their accomplishments in my family, and the whole attention goes to them

[@TheYacu]

Cool I'm actually surprised because I already do most of those things. :-)

[@richardbrooks7157]

Your amazingly woman 👩 has anyone told you your so so great I love your talks and videos I don’t know how you do it juggling your family and your work congratulations on your great 👍 and brilliant and beautiful xxxxxxxxxxxxx your so so amazingly great and brilliant xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx p.s I love your hair your looking so so amazingly gorgeous and beautiful I bet your husband tells you that all the time xxx gives you a great kiss xxxxxxxxxx congratulations for being you xxxxxxxxx

[@captaindan1000]

If you openly admit that you aren't good at analogies, isn't that a positive sign of being secure? What kind of person gets bent out of shape for that of all things? "I can't come up with analogies!!!! Oh No!!!!"

[@juliakristinamah]

lol. True story Dan ;-)

[@fatimasamira3695]

Don't hold grudges....big big one....not easy to do

[@shannongrreene4365]

Hey it's Shannon

[@EmpressofChrist]

💕💕

[@karenkleinmaier1019]

I do allllll of these. Ugh!

[@juliakristinamah]

Which one would feel easiest to start working on?

[@karenkleinmaier1019]

Julia Kristina Counselling staying out of other people’s arguments. I always want to jump in and fix it.

[@juliakristinamah]

@@karenkleinmaier1019 Okay! Set the intention and try to be mindful of resisting net time. Will you let me know how it goes?

[@karenkleinmaier1019]

Julia Kristina Counselling sure. Thanks for the advice! I really learn a lot from you videos. Keep on keeping on!!

[@kayorourke3348]

Grow or lement.trying to keep growing

[@cjennings6179]

No SUCH THING AS PERFECTION. SIGNIFICANT GRADES OR PUNISHMENT END. ????

[@SemanthaJen]

huh

[@swatimehta6133]

Do you have any idea what are you talking about ?

[@ministryoflove7855]

Julia Kristina I have a major crush on you, sorry about that x

[@WhiteAngelLovesEarth]

can I replace the Ha with a Hmm..? like...an uninterested mmmm

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes! That's a great one too. Or, another good one is - "oh interesting!"

[@lynnmelo]

Great video