Why People Quit BJJ Part 2: "It's Not What I Thought it Would Be!" - Kama Vlog

Have you tried Jiu-Jitsu and discover it's not what you thought it was gonna be? Even worse it wasn't something you liked!?
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[@thelurker9472]

My wife is the only regular woman in class. Only once in the past month and a half had another woman trained t the same time. I am keeping her involved because it is something that we both do and with our son.

[@morgana2006freemail]

This is what I am saying always. I understand that it is not a comfortable situation that a big guy is between my legs and his sweat pours to my neck, but as our instuctor says at the end of each class: Think of the reason why are you here. I have seen a lot of women coming and leaving and my experence is that better the course, more useful as self defense, there are less women and they leave sooner. When they realize that this is not the place where they can play the Warrior Princess, they leave. Apart from the intimidation of strange men, there is other thing: the deception. As a woman, who was raised up on the "you are equal to men" and saw the Kill Bill, and we imagine us as Uma Thurman, on the mixed class you realize that after the first punch from a men, you don´t want to be treated so iqual. :-) When I started years ago in the previous group , that was a huge group, and while the number of men remained stable, almost all women has left. On or first exam there were only 3 women (started almost 10), on the second 2. Sometimes when the other girl had exams, I was alone with 30-35 men. And I 100% agree that you can learn self defense if you train with men. In a facebook group someone asked that he was going to make a women only seminar, what we recommend. my advise was: take men to the class as attacker. When I said before deception, I mean that I had to get over that no matter how hard I train, most of the men are still better than me. For example I am not very good in grounf fighting, but I have some experience already. Last time I was with a student who has it the first time. But he was 20 kg heavier than me, so it was really a struggle to fight with him, Most women give up and prefer not to be in this situation, for me it was a good lesson and I have seen the advantage: an attacker probably will be a strong big guy without fighting experience (I think I wont be attacked by a BJJ black belt :-) ) so I have an opportunity to test my knowledge. On the other hand, even for men is useful to train sometimes with women. I see a lot of street fight videos when the attacker is a woman. There is an argument, and the first who starts the physical agression is the women, She stratches, hits several times, split the guy, who is standing there, then after a time he punches the woman who falls to the ground and screams: you cannot hit me I am a woman. Self defense does not mean only punches and your attacker is not always bigger or stronger. Sometimes it is a weaker woman, teenage boy, etc. Men has to learn defend themselves using the necessary force. That´s why our instructor always changes the training partners after each excercise, so you have the opportunity to fight with big strong men, with small but flexible men who always escapes and quick,sometimes you fight with someone with experience or someone who has no experience (you cannot say on the street to your attacker: hey, you attack me wrong. It was a disadvantage of my previous gropup,we were all on the same level and we get used to that our opponent knows how to fight)

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Thank you for taking the time to write this. Very much appreciated! ~ Ryan

[@SensemakingMartin]

Great comment, thanks for the insight betty :)

[@joeschmoe9154]

Great Reply!.. I was thinking along the same lines as to why women quit. While males may often go into BJJ thinking they are potential "Rambos" Pop Culture ( Movies) often portray woman as bad asses who can seemingly toss 250 guys around like nothing. When a female ends up discovering that males are on average far stronger then they are and they are helpless when being grabbed by a guy they realize that it may take a much longer time to gain the skills they need to defend themselves.

[@psyience3213]

That's a good point

[@morgana2006freemail]

One more thing I have realized: women does not like bruises and the pain. However in everyday life we are "stronger", we can handle the pain, flu and sickness much better than men, it is not true in the gym. My opinion, that if I will be attacked, the first what I will feel is the pain, I have to defend myself in this condition and not to freeze. I don´t say that break my nose and torture me in the gym, but some pain is normal,when a man grabs my arm, neck, etc. My experience that in the gym women has no pain tolerance at all. I was asked not to hit so hard (please, I am a strong woman, but not as strong as a man.) because it is summer, she does not want to have bruises on her arm. The rest of the excercise I was like a chi master throwing energy balls, because I could not touch the princess. Other (she was on the trainings only a few weeks): defense against frontal choke. I grabbed her neck, not so strong, just average force (average for me, not so strong for a man). She said: nooo it is to strong. The way we did the excercise was more like a lesbian soft porno petting each other, but not self defense at all. Really annoying and made me very angry. I spoke to one of the instructors, so he choses someone else for the new ladies. I do not mind to be with a beginner and help, but I have no patience to listen the complaints (men never said anything) and I pay to train not chatting. The instructor explains something and the señorita says to me: hey, I have the same T shirt but in pink. Who cares???If you want to socialize then go to the zumba classes.

[@macmcclelland2938]

Keep it coming! Good stuff!

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Thanks, Mac!

[@killersalmon4359]

RE: "Women are nicer". I'm not sure about that. At the first place where I trained, some of the women were getting sick of training because the competition among themselves was so severe that it was no longer fun for some of them. It was like this - we had a lot of men, the top guys were purple belts, and because there were a lot of guys, the men tended to be more chilled and relaxed for the most part because they knew that, statistically, there wasn't a high probability of them becoming top dog unless they put in a lot of work. However, there weren't that many women, which meant that if any woman put in a little bit more work, they could be top dog among the women, which resulted in crazy levels of competition, which resulted in some of the women burning out because they felt that every other woman in the class was after them and it got to the point where some of them preferred to roll with men and avoided the other women. I thought it was crazy when I heard about it but it's strange how competition (which is a pretty natural thing) can suddenly get perverted and manifest itself in ways like this.

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

women are wired to compete for men. i was told at an event, women dress up NOT to attract men primarily (it's secondary), but to show other women they're hotter (primary) to make them feel unworthy of the men in the room. i'm sure there is some element of that in an academy amongst the women.

[@dakotalowery6385]

Great video Professor!

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Thanks, Dakota!

[@republicanamerican8707]

Dear Ryan Yung - I hope I spelled your name right . Please feel free to correct me . I just want to let you know that I just started working at a Jiu jitsu academy here In Texas . I run the front desk as well as sell memberships…. My son is in the sport and I totally 💯% support & respect the craft. I’m still new about a lot of this sport . My son tells me a lot about it and I have watched him train . But because I now work at one of these BJJ schools ( totally different gym ) that my son trains at . I really enjoy your videos . You’re so informative and have a wealth of nuggets in information that I am applying to better inform potential new students in their questions & be able to sell memberships. I have watched several videos now … but this one is super cool because it helps me overcome the objections about women being in this sport . So I thank you and I’m fully subscribed and will like every video I see . Once I can commit for myself a schedule… I too will join into this so that I can help better defend myself and deal with life’s challenges at a smoother level 🙏🏽

[@redstarthunder12]

i'm a traveling person. of all the schools i've been too, every school i've seen with a womens only class, it's always very successful. sometimes even the most successful program. but also i've always gravitated towards schools that like to compete.

[@jaxonluraschi7050]

Great vid

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Thank you, Jason!

[@dragonballjiujitsu]

What I normally tell women on their first day in my class: "Most women will not feel comfortable rolling around on the ground with a hot sweaty man. Yet if you are attacked out there, that's exactly what you are going to be doing. Its much better to have trained in here with people that are not going to hurt you than to have that be your first taste of reality." Over the past 6 years I have trained 7-8 women. Got one to blue belt. But yeah, its rare to have women stay, at least long term.

[@adamromero]

dragonballjiujitsu I would've thought women would enjoy rolling around with hot sweaty men! ;D

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

some may be freaky-deaky like that. others look at it as a necessary evil. but most, no bueno!

[@joey8701]

I found a BJJ School in Richardson Texas that has a woman's only class twice a week. I also keep their coed beginner class white belts only. I am taking the free introduction women's only class this Friday. If I like it, I will eventually move I to the coed class.

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Or, you can come to our Flower Mound campus. 🤷‍♂️

[@swcherry1000]

I had a much higher belt tell me that if he choked me three times he was going to leave me unconscious. Was a beginner and I'm a small guy. I was getting sick of that guy just smashing me instead of teaching me and letting me learn. I didn't pay to be assaulted, I paid to learn not to be.

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Unfortunately, we have our share of assholes in the art.

[@kendasilva7324]

Steven Cherry Man, that’s awful. Central to this type of training is TRUST. For someone to flat out tell you I will betray your trust if you can’t do X and leave you in literally the most vulnerable position you can be in is unconscionable. I hope you walked out the door immediately or shortly thereafter.

[@gingercore69]

I always recomend my female friends to learn bjj for self defense... No one listen to me tho...

[@nickk1456]

Lots of shooting ranges are holding ladies's nights and holding specific classes for women. They're the fastest growing segment in shooting sports so I wonder if holding more ladies's night classes or female-focused would help attract more women to train with the understanding, of course, that they would need to train with male students to really make their self-defense knowledge realistic.

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Shooting is self-defense from a distance. Grappling is up close and personal.

[@phx4closureman]

3:39 *that MAN SWEAT tho!!!*

[@thebeardedgooner8574]

Thank you for the videos, great content! I used to do Judo 3 times a week and preferred the ne waza which is why I started Jiu Jitsu and I’m obsessed, training Jiu Jitsu 6 times a week and continuing with Judo only once a week but only because Jiu Jitsu isn’t on that day.... I love it! I’m trying to get my fiancée to start but she doesn’t want to roll with a load of guys lol what about if we took private classes together so that way I get extra and she can feel comfortable with me and just the instructor? Thanks again!

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

That will work. Many people feel private sessions are out of their reach, so they never choose that option. But if that’s what it takes for her to feel comfortable learning...

[@nic7731]

I think it’s just a genuine lack of motivation. Sometimes I won’t want to go class, I’ll be feeling lazy, but if I go anyway, like kinda force myself, I never regret it. If you keep going to class even on your off days, that’s when you’ll see improvement

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

being lazy for a day doesn't mean your overall experience isn't what you expected. it means you love jiu-jitsu (it is what you expected long ago), but are just having an off day, making you feel like you don't wanna go. but when you go anyway...

[@horseman9582]

My old coach would say, “if you only train when you feel like training then you won’t train much.”

[@_ZeroQueen_]

I have to remind myself this. I would be much more comfortable in a women's only class and do plan to take some if my academy gets enough women to offer them, but I will still take the mixed class that is me and a bunch of men. I weigh more than some of them but I know they will help me get stronger, faster, and more aggressive. Also, it'll be more realistic for what is more likely to happen in the real world. It's not likely to be another woman attacking me. Now, if I can just sort out not panicking when I'm stuck on bottom with some dude on top of me trying to smother me.

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Keep letting them smash you. Go as long as you can, then tap. Then do it again. Go ONE SECOND longer than the last time, and then tap if you need to. Continue doing this until you forget that you were even worried about being in that position in the first place.

[@lillianwinston6616]

I remember teaching a women's boxing class in the evenings at my old boxing gym for quite sometime plus I am amateur boxer also.. My participants, my ladies would ask me if boxing would be the best self defense for them to use. I would explain to them that the best defense that would be effective for us is jiu jitsu. Some of the ladies weren't sure about it and there we're some asked what's the difference and I would explain that getting punch in the body or face by someone is more devastating versus getting that individual to the ground and submitting them.

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Or punching them while they’re on the ground before you submit them!

[@lillianwinston6616]

@@KamaJiuJitsu my thoughts exactly..lol..

[@MRBONKERS1000]

You guys have any students that work manual labor jobs How do they take care of themselves balancing both things? I also love the videos

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

We have people who do all things. They can’t train in a way that will get them hurt. Same as any other profession.

[@TonTon.2142]

I'm thinking of quitting, because I worry my instructor doesn't have much of a curriculum for his students. The fundamentals classes seem to be a bunch of techniques that, while described as the "basics" for white belts, aren't organized in a way that teach you from the ground up. I mean, I don't know what I'm supposed to be learning, to be fair, but it doesn't really strike me as being geared towards total beginners. At KJJ, do you guys do warm ups, drills as far as movement (shrimping, rolls, et cetera), and talk about things like proper hip movement, hooking, etc.? It's a shame, because the instructor learned from someone who is respected in the community, with a successful school in MN, but I think that he's doing this thing as a side job of sorts. What's more, it's the only credible place in my area (small town Iowa). All in all, I want to learn jiu jitsu, but I'd like to do it right. Hm.

[@damlurker]

women are scary. I wouldn't train BJJ if there was a equal amount of men/women.. thankfully because there are so few women in class and the fact that im 80kg+ i almost never partnered up with women, thank god.

[@shadymilkman443]

Hmm so you are truly afraid of women? Like all women? What is your age if you don't mind.

[@juicyyy5765]

I’ve been doing kickboxing for about two years with a little bit of Judo experience as a child, and have considered starting BJJ, but am reluctant because I’m worried about things like guard pulling, how slow-paced it can be, and how some techniques are effective for competition, but aren’t safe for a street fight, for example. I might just start MMA classes because the grappling is more fast paced with strikes being taken into account. Is it still worth doing BJJ? There are no schools in my area that are specifically self-defense or competition oriented.

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

🤔 me myself, I’ll look for an affiliate of the gracie academy, Royce, or Relson. I’m assuming neither Kama School is in your vicinity.

[@juicyyy5765]

I know there is a 10th planet Jiu Jitsu near me in Amsterdam, but I'm not sure if it's what I'm looking for

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Only one way to find out!

[@juicyyy5765]

True lol

[@JCBPARISPARIS]

you can also practice bjj and muay thai, a woman do that in my class and she's not bad at all.

[@Jindsing]

most ppl join jits to learn how to defend against attackers. they dont join to prepare for a tournament to get "points". 😆

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Exactly correct

[@pitbull1975]

When do most people quit? 3 months? 6 months or more?

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

Mostly before the end of year 1.

[@epromot44u]

I want to know if people ever call you "h"yan

[@KamaJiuJitsu]

haha. it's happened once or twice. i don't care. call me what you will.