What it's like being dark skinned with "nappy" 4C hair... Let's talk

[@KandidKinks]

I’m reading and loving ALL your comments! Thank you guys for being transparent and open with me/eachother ❤️

[@monayadesiree]

Hate when my hair is in a puff and someone goes “what are you going to do with your hair” like wymmmmmmm? My hair is done! I shouldn’t have to lay any edges to be considered beautiful or presentable enough. Period ✊🏾

[@Timetrae]

Monaya Desiree that’s right girl PERIOD!!!

[@lelequeenbeebee1074]

Period.

[@levonab5611]

Same

[@naiya.nicole__]

Monaya Desiree i get asked this question but I have 3c-4a curls. Like I be ready to spazz. My response back is: “you gonna come wash And style this beast on my head? If not, then don’t worry bout my head” or “why you worried bout my shit? My hair is thriving, looks like yours is struggling “.

[@mymiracle79]

I white told my daughter " I like that defying gravity thing with your hair"

[@rmsgirl3180]

The comment about dark skin women only really being appreciated when they’re ‘being sexy’ is very true. I’ve seen it a lot especially on twitter. Most times when you see people praising a dark skinned woman, she’s usually oiled down, glistening and in a bikini or something sexy and while there’s NOTHING wrong with that it just seems like this is the only way people find dark skin women beautiful. It’s like we have to present ourselves this way to be appreciated and seen as sexy and beautiful when other women with lighter skin are seen as beautiful without having to do as much. But this is just how I feel. Others may see it differently.

[@KandidKinks]

exactly...

[@tayloralliease8013]

Exactly . Oversexualizing us and behaving like we're a piece of meat . The only time darker skinned women are acceptable is if they are naked , greased up in oil and have a big butt like Bria Myles ( no shade to her , I think she's extremely gorgeous )

[@goddessshawn1923]

It all stems from jealousy!!

[@Bunnypop_princess]

So true😡

[@NaaniD]

I wore my hair in a high puff afro last night and my mom literally said “it doesn’t look good like that, you need to style it...” like damn. If it was a different texture I’m sure it would have gotten compliments but this is my second “big chop” (the haircut is longer at the top) in four years and it’s the second time she’s said this. If my hair comes out of my scalp LIKE THIS, why should I have to spend HOURS trying to manipulate it? I twist it, finger coil, but one day I decide to just let my hair be after moisturizing it, it’s considered ugly. It’s sad. I’m not saying my mother doesn’t think I’m beautiful, but it’s such a struggle with how she wants my hair to be vs how I want it. I’m grown now, I’ll wear these 4c coils how I want :/

[@everafter2611]

That's true. If I wear my hair in a Afro puff I'm told by my parents it is ugly and I'm only allowed to wear twists... It's really stupid. I feel like I should wear Afro puffs just to piss them off. When my hair is in twists it looks neat and lays down but I love to embrace my wild side... But twists is the only style I know

[@fruitsarelife148]

Dont let that get you guys! That was expected by the older generation. IT Looks Bomb! Period.😍 we already shifted the beauty standard and we are going to shift it even more

[@ladonna1902]

Unfortunately, a lot of the older generation feels like your hair is not done unless it is straightened. My parents have asked why I'm walking around with my hair undone. But they don't realize I spend more time on my hair when it's natural than I did relaxed.

[@kitmeetkat4025]

I'm 19, graduated last year. I stopped wearing makeup and wearing my natural hair out once I got in 12th grade. I actually feel more confident and beautiful with the natural me. I wish other young girls embrace their melanin and stop letting society tell them how to dress, look, and act.

[@goddessshawn1923]

Dark skin w/4C hair = Beautiful!! Periodt!! 💓💓

[@She_So_Solo]

"You're pretty to be dark-skin" is not a compliment.

[@SunshineSonja]

Tbh even though I have locs but my hair is nappy and my edges are never laid and people are always like, sonja why you don’t lay your edges and I’m like why?? I like my beady beads😂😂

[@Saintmazzie]

I never lay my edges... in natural

[@SunshineSonja]

@Drei Leigh Lol

[@gswpower7098]

I love this trend in society and how everyone wants to go after darkskin men and lift their ego while most of them constantly degrade darkskin women 🙄

[@greenbyrd3665]

Exactly. Makes no sense to me. After all, it takes two deep chocolates to make a deep chocolate man. How are you going to completely disrespect one half of the couple that makes this possible?

[@fruitsarelife148]

People are supporting abusers

[@skrlreels2060]

Right... you don’t really hear people say I want a dark chocolate sister but you do hear many people say I want a tall dark chocolate man ...

[@rmsgirl3180]

I feel like I’m commenting so much but this whole conversation just hits me so much because I can relate. I am a dark skin young woman from the Caribbean. It’s only as I got older and more knowledgeable that I see the micro aggression around me from my own family and friends. I recently started going natural. I have 4c hair and my mom who actually encouraged me to go natural would low-key put down OUR hair type without realizing it. Our hair is “bad hair”. Loser textures are “good hair”. Since I’m going natural, I’ve only worn wigs to work and my coworkers are obsessed with seeing my hair. One even made a joke about me not wanting anyone to see my hair because it was probably nappy. To them, it was just a joke and they didn’t mean harm but the comment did get to me. It was on my mind for days. Also, in the Caribbean, people with lighter complexions have “a nice complexion”. I use to wish I were lighter. I have a light skin cousin with “nice hair” and I use to envy her so much. People were always complimenting her. Never mind the fact that I am prettier than she is. My family, wether they realized it nor not, made me feel like I was not as beautiful and could never be because I was not light skin with thick “good hair.” To this day, I’m trying my best to love myself and not compare to others.

[@janaebrown5793]

I dealt with the same in my family. Direct family on my dads side. putting me down saying my sister is prettier and better because of her skin tone. Then on my moms side they idolized lighter skin siblings. Their pictures were on walls or in the front. I always thought I had to be light to be beautiful. I hid under weave for years because I felt ugly. This is the first year I’m confident in my skin and hair. I just want you to know you’re a beautiful queen! I struggled to love myself but I’m here now and I promise you will get there too. Know your worth and that you are special.

[@rmsgirl3180]

Ja'Nae Brown Thank you so much. Your words mean so much to me especially coming from someone who has experienced what I’m experiencing. It’s sad that we’re made to feel inferior because of our dark skin, something we have no control over. I really hope to get to a point where it no longer bothers me and I’m completely confident in my skin and hair. I’m sorry that you were made to feel inferior and I’m happy that you no longer see yourself this way. I really wish to grow as confident as you.

[@clairedaniels1877]

The mindset of black people is the worst and we are the ones doing the brainwashing and perpetuation of colorism and texturism. The mothers in the community allow it and push it forward. Black mothers hate themselves.

[@Mimi24177]

Beauty is vain ladies only worship the Lord Jesus Christ. Get y'all mind renewed, people looking only at outward appearances and not the heart is not of God.

[@ShainesteeSmith]

Girl you said a word!!! I’m not dark skinned but I am a black woman with 4c hair. Told very early I had bad hair or nappy hair. I also feel the same when men especially black men find me attractive. I feel like if you are lighter plus looser hair..then you’re automatically ahead of me by society standards. Just like you , I know I’m beautiful but I don’t have that look..I have my own look. From my wide beautiful nose to full lips. What’s weird is I always wished to be darker simply because I think it’s beautiful . But I do feel like there’s a look that’s catered to..and anything not that isn’t considered as much or seen as beautiful !

[@jasminesoulshine]

Shainestee Smith I’ve felt that way too, like I’ve always wanted to be darker. I love and admire dark skin!

[@babytt8487]

Shainestee Smith Why would you give a 💩 about the opinions of the worlds most conquered men? Black women need to stop getting validation from black men, start loving yourselves more please.

[@ShainesteeSmith]

Baby TT hey I feel how I feel , she was open and honest about how she felt she felt the same. I don’t seek validation I just always question it from them due to some experiences . I know I’m beautiful. No judgement.

[@ShainesteeSmith]

Baby TT and trust I love myself. You can love yourself and have insecurities. You just accept all of you and it’s your own personal journey

[@xtelfolaj]

I understood what you meant. It's not like a validation thing from black women. But its gonna get to a point where peoples comments or looks will get to you.

[@Michki100]

Why is it only okay for the fro/puff to be textured but not the edges.?? the baby hair comment (spot on)! I laid my edges the first time in maybe months. My silk press was sweating out and I had extra time. This was my first time getting my hair straightened in 4 years. I enjoyed it while it lasted but quickly got over it. I LOVE my natural (4c) hair and I am unapologetic about it. I love my natural hair and hairstyles and "NO I'M NOT LAYING MY EDGES BECAUSE THEY'RE GOOD THE WAY THEY ARE." Laid edges are an OPTION, not a NECESSITY

[@honeybuns8404]

You're so pretty 😍😍

[@Michki100]

aww thank you, Im sure your gorgeous yourself@@honeybuns8404

[@neyshathomas2620]

Girl I'm brown and 4c and i literally had this conversation with a male co worker because I just went natural a month ago and I've been feeling insecure on and off about my hair and like you I hold my head high and carry myself with much confidence my co worker even said he wouldn't have even known about my insecurity if I didn't say anything. There are these moments where I feel unattractive because I'm a African American woman with kinky hair which is not seen as flattering by society it made me question my choice to go natural especially after being relaxed for 20yrs. I'm just trying to truly accept my natural hair for what it is. When I was transitioning I was talking with my Mexican friend and I showed her a 4c brown/dark skin girl and said this is what my hair is going to look like. She baldup her face and said every black girl hair don't look like that and I said but most of us do have this hair type. When I came to work with my TWA everybody loved it (black and white) including her. So we as African American women definitely need to tune in and reprogram and also make a effort to reprogram the ignorant slowly but surely. Sorry for the long comment just had to get this off my chest this vid was right on time love your channel. Thanks

[@Mrs_CandacePolite]

This video is 100% relatable. Before I got married, I was living in Los Angeles and dating was a nightmare. On one date (I will NEVER forget this), this guy made a point to tell me that being on a date with me was different bc he typically didn’t date dark skinned girls- as if I should’ve given myself a pat on the back or something. Needless to say, that was the first and last time I talked to him and after that experience (along with MANY, countless others), I started to have self esteem issues which led me to date guys that were below my standards. Once I saw the trend, I started going to therapy and I realized the root of my issues came from me feeling as if I wasn’t good enough due to my dark skin and kinky hair. After spending over a year in therapy, I was able to cleanse my mind and my soul. I am so proud to be a beautiful, chocolate, kinky haired woman and when I think back I feel bad that I thought anything differently about myself. I love me and I’m glad we are having these conversations so that the little dark skinned, kinky haired girls that are coming after us will follow suit. Loved this video. Thank you. ❤️

[@javellhiggins556]

I can completely understand you. Although im a black male teen, i feel as if we need to stop playing into the media and their stereotypes of black people and their defintion of us and we need to start defining ourselves as a race by our own talents, character content etc... SO I COMMEND YOU LEXI FOR THIS TALK. IT WAS VERY EMPOWERING AND UPLIFTING TO ME💪💪

[@carolsmith8719]

Unfortunately this has been so common for women with the deepest skin tone. We've had lighter = better reinforced through community and the media. We have the job to unlearn this negative self-talk. It isn't easy, but it makes our lives so much better. We just need to know we are worthy and that #DarkSkinIsNotATrend. Thank you so much for this video. I enjoyed it very much and appreciate you being more than "just a hair channel".

[@soybeans8139]

I think black women are the most gorgeous of all and we are unique, with our beautiful skin and spectacular hair. In terms of other people and what they think, I don’t have the time to care. Still, I agree being a black woman these days can be challenging emotionally. So, I think it’s important to find spaces that reinforce your beauty and highlight people that look like you.

[@rmsgirl3180]

Yes. I’ve been waiting for this conversation. You look beautiful. As per usual.

[@KandidKinks]

thanks so much

[@ZhaiiYou]

Honestly same.. I am happy I am not the only one that thinks along these lines.

[@stephainehoward3615]

This is a good message for our dark skin women I have a beautiful dark skin daughter and I never thought I would have had to have a conversation with her about her skin color until one day I was around her grandmother that preferred her light skin grandchildren.I had to let her know how beautiful she is and her skin color is perfect now she have a beautiful dark skin daughter now we are instilling in her how beautiful she is and her dark skin is beautiful and she is perfect

[@janaebrown5793]

Nothing but truths ! I appreciate you for this content! I’ve received so much hate and negativity for my skin from a child until now. It took years to feel confident and beautiful in my skin and my hair. I’m so blessed to have learned to love myself. Ladies you are queens! you are beautiful! your skin is beautiful !your hair is beautiful!

[@naptuallybeautiful132]

Girl me too! I'm the only brown skin child in my family and everyone would go crazy for the "light skin, light eyes, light hair" children so I didn't always think that I was pretty. But when I hit about 17,18 I'm like "SIS! I AM BEAUTIFUL!" I may not be EVERY ONE ELSE'S type of beautiful but I am gorgeous to myself and that's all that matters. And girl WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!

[@ShShephard]

Girl! That tea of being confident in myself but not confident in other people’s and men’s ability to recognize my beauty/intelligence/kindness because I’m black, plus sized, kinky haired, non-ivy league educated is something that I have struggled to verbalize let alone deal with.

[@Tc_2013]

When I rejected a guy and he said that all us dark-skinned girls do is look good (and he was light-skinned), I felt so proud. Because I've always been bigger, I've never felt self conscious about my skin color, which I learned was rare as I got older. Our society is slowly starting to accept us more without being sexualized. I don't think we'll ever be equal but I'm definitely happy for our small victories and the evolution

[@Mimi24177]

You felt proud of a guy lusting after you?🤔

[@SanaaJadeCruz]

the feeling of inadequacy always creeps in

[@KandidKinks]

Always. I’m tryna to correct myself. I guess the first step is acknowledging

[@chelle6647]

You should make this a regular series called something like... “unpacking the baggage” or “time to unpack” or something like that. This is one of my favorite videos from you. Thank you for your contribution to the culture. One love.

[@malditaseantia4307]

The reprogramming part!!! It took me *YEARS* to "unslave" myself and to *truly* see the beauty in me and my people (it all started with me going natural back in '12/'13-ish). It wasn't easy (bc I had to relearn the most basic stuff) but once I was there *NOBODY* could tell me different...I even inspired most of my family and they thank me till this day. I'm *that bitch!" and I couldn't wish for anything else but being black. Its lit!🔥💕

[@memefree3101]

Seeing lots of commenters relating dark skin to a fetish. I've never thought about men seeing dark skin as a fetish. Since we on the topic though, since we know that black men go for lighter toned girls wouldn't that be considered a fetish too? I've seen many relationships where it's obvious that the guy isn't truly in love but he stays because he has a "trophy" because she may be lighter toned or another race. Isn't that fetish behavior?

[@djlivvy46]

You are correct. The irony is that black men fetishise women far more than any other race of man. They are obsessed by light/white skin and long hair, and with black women they are obsessed by their backsides (although they have now transferred this particular obsession to other races of women now that they have access to plastic surgery and newer gym techniques).

[@olga1525]

You're so right.

[@xtelfolaj]

I think both skin tones are fetishsized. Lighter skin is seen as a power tool or trophy and dark skin is seen as sex appeal. Fetish is when you have a sexual desire towards an object, part of body, etc. The only time I seen darkskin gets love is when they have a common European looking features like coloured eyes, looser hair, small facial features or when they are completely naked with a big butt. It's not even appreciation because it isn't positive. It's just sexual

[@puppyprincess2822]

@@xtelfolaj I so agree. The only difference is one get privilege for being light skin/lighter and the other one can still be fetishized yet stereotyped/generalized more.

[@xtelfolaj]

@@puppyprincess2822 exactly.

[@thia9868]

Unfortunately the media plays a big role in all of this sigh ...loved the video ! Nothing but facts ! It’s ashamed that we have so much to go through that’s why I support dark skin black women !

[@monicafb6983]

I’m not of the darker skin tone, but I commend you for making this video!!!! Thank you so much. I love it! That’s why I love being a black QUEEN! We come in all shades, colors, hair textures and sizes and we are all equally beautiful!

[@KandidKinks]

facts!

[@paulziiee]

This 💯

[@alexianicole7268]

I-I...I agree but just keep this same energy when dark skin women with kinky coily hair are being made fun of. Keep this same energy when curly/wavy hair are being praised over kinky coily 4c hair. The same way you felt the need to be inclusive on a video for uplifting dark skin women with 4c hair, do it when they're being put down. ☺️💘

[@monicafb6983]

Alexia Nicole I have the same energy anytime my black queens are being uplifted or torn down....

[@alexianicole7268]

Monica FB+ All I'm saying is when the black community is tearing down dark skin black women, saying colourist stuff and discriminating 4c hair non-darkskin women are to be found. They're only found when DSBW are being praised (take right now for an example) because they want to be included (as if they don't already get all the shine.) Only people I really see uplifting dark skin women and girls ARE DARK SKIN WOMEN AND GIRLS. Just saying

[@MzSashaLaRue]

Speak on it Sis!! Listen..I’m a 52yr old admire of yours and can relate totally with you. Those feelings are real, and we can feel all those things as we walk with our heads up feeling sexy, and beautiful because we are all of that. You are enough. We are enough and worthy of it all. Keep up the great work and I’m honored to follow such a force of a young lady! 💖

[@samantha132]

You're TRULY BEAUTIFUL inside and OUT, Sis!!!!!! Our society is built on stereotypes that are FALSE and people believe them...It's so rooted and engrained in our world that we tend to unknowingly believe them as well. I appreciate what you are saying; and even though I'm not dark-skinned, I feel you, Sis! I'm sending LOADS of HUGS n KISSES to all my sisters out there! 🙋🏾‍♀️ You are all very BEAUTIFUL! We are all BEAUTIFUL!!! ❤👍🏽❤

[@melljean5539]

Yes sis, you expressed my exact feelings and insecures about my dark skin. I think that I'm pretty, but when (non black) men show me some interest, I'm only surprided and do not know how to react at all. Most of the time I just run away 😂. Yes It's sad to see that even in this century dark skin still struggle a lot 😐 Btw I'm living in France.

[@liyarae]

I love you sis and thank you for speaking on something a lot of us black woman are afraid to express!

[@ruthnoemibendel]

Sis, I feel u in so many levels!!! I am a dark skinned girl with kinky hair raised and living in Switzerland! The second thoughting part happens to me every damn time because like you I've been brainwashed into thinking I wasn't enough or beautiful enough because I wasn't fair skinned or had a looser hair texture. But I've grown to understand that it wasn't me but society which has belittled us since forever since we are so far from standards that are unreachable to us. I've come to understand that my Ver own existence was political because this world wasn't made and thought for us dark skinned black women. Like you said we are at the very bottom of the pole and I turned towards activism to fight the stereotypes and prejudices we go thru on a daily basis because we happen to be born black, dark skin, women with kinky hair. I had to work so hard on myself to deconstruct this racist and patriarcal system and show the world that changes need to happen and we have to obligation to reconsider the society we live in! Thanks for sharing your piece, you are not alone and we all together in this to turn the tables and give justice to our living! ❤️✊🏾

[@honeybuns8404]

Aww I wanna go to Switzerland one day 😊 How Is It There?

[@ruthnoemibendel]

@@honeybuns8404 pretty expensive for sure. Switzerland is one of the most expensive countries in the world and even tho salaries do follow up with the lifestyle, when you're a student like me, it gets pretty cheeky since I just earn little money but I still live with my folks so I can manage and survive. Otherwise apart from the fact that it's a pretty racist country, and people tend to be more close minded, the sceneries are breathtaking and there's city like Lausanne where I live that are actually great for night life and student. Other cool thing, Switzerland is a small country with 3 national spoken languages: Swiss-German, French and Italian. I grew up and live in the French speaking part of the country! 😊 I really suggest to come visit Switzerland at least once!

[@honeybuns8404]

@@ruthnoemibendel thank you for sharing! Maybe I'll visit one day

[@pop8612]

As black women, we need to stop thinking for other people. we always assume the worst and can’t believe non-black men would fine us attractive.

[@djlivvy46]

But that is how we are programmed by our families and our communities, not to mention both black & mainstream media. It's not easy to break years of conditioning.

[@LoveNaisa]

From my experience black men don’t want me lol. It’s always the Spanish men who seem interested

[@ttbby557]

These days it's hard to believe that a black man would find us attractive 😂 it's so backwards but every other race of men doesn't have much of a problem. There fuckboys in every race tho

[@skrlreels2060]

Yes... I went on an online dating site one time... although I’ve received invites from black men I was totally surprised at how many non-black men that were interested in getting to know me. Asian men I was totally in shock about...but nonetheless they were trying to go out on dates

[@nikeiajames3247]

GIRL! I had to stop in the middle of the video to double tap! I experience the same thing with people being surprised that I speak well and I'm not angry! Some people that look like me even get annoyed because I'm not and don't speak a certain way! (Blows my mind). I work at whole foods in my city so I see a diverse group of people and it's amazing the way they try to perceive us. Thanks for making this video! Love your channel.

[@djlivvy46]

Sadly, that is partly due to the way we conduct ourselves, as social media now exposes us to everybody. It also doesn't help that several black men have massive media platforms which are reliant on highlighting that conduct.

[@TheKhrissss]

This conversation is definitely necessary! You are gorgeous and worthy! I can relate to sometimes feeling like being a black woman is an automatic strike against you and having to work harder and prove myself more. BUT just like you said we just have to reprogram ourselves to see our beauty and worth even if others don’t or we feel like they don’t. Of course there are more layers to it but I hope that makes sense ❤️

[@KandidKinks]

it makes perfect sense! People aren't always going to see it and we have to learn to be enough without their approval

[@Star192977]

As someone who is older (43) you’re definitely not the only one. Now in the late 80’s early 90’s there was a rebirth of Black appreciation that you saw, especially in the music industry and TV (A Tribe Called Quest, A Different World). Darkskin girls were in music videos, brown and darskin singers and actresses, were popular etc. And not just as the sidekick to the light skin chick, so it comes in waves. What’s ironic is with the natural hair movement you would think that someone who looked as close to our ancestors as possible would be glorified, and it’s the opposite.

[@djlivvy46]

I think it might be more accurate to say it CAME in waves, I don't think we will see those days again. Black men no longer seem to have any interest in elevating the image of the dark skinned black woman.

[@djlivvy46]

And black woman have allowed biracial women with 3c hair to hijack the natural hair movement, so it would seem that we don't care about elevating our image either.

[@taykierahyman]

GIRL , you made this on time ! Cause there’s this guy who is Hispanic and he has been trying and liking me and I actually sat one night and was like , “ I can’t be his type “ ... girl it’s so crazy .. I heard what you said 100% and I definitely relate - other women of all races can say your bomb and then when a man says it even black men you have to second guess their authenticity

[@KandidKinks]

You better give him a chance Chile lolol

[@xtelfolaj]

GIVE HIM A CHANCE

[@JaelSupstar]

Great topic. I am dark-skinned woman while growing up had a beautiful Jamaican mother who told me that black is beautiful and "good hair" is clean hair, and it was not until I was a teenager I realized that not everyone felt that way. A lot times people will assume negative things about me because of my dark skin and put me in a box especially in business situations. White people will say I do not act like "other" black people and black people will say I am "white-washed". But it is my mother's positive encouragement that makes me realize that what they think means nothing to me and I black, strong, beautiful and intelligent.

[@murielroyal156]

Great topic sis thanks for sharing. We as black women were created in the images of the divine goddesses, we naturally carry ourselves as such until it brainwashed out of us. We are and always will be naturally beautiful and our beautiful 4c hair is our connection to our creators. Just the fact that you shared this let’s me know that you are tuning in to that connection. As far as the men are concerned let go of what you think they are thinking, and flow into the outcome naturally you may make a new friend, a companion or a husband who knows. As long as a man of any race knows who he is he will appreciate the woman that you are. Rise up QUEEN and continue to wear you 4c crown proudly!

[@djlivvy46]

This is a beautiful comment, Muriel. Thank you.

[@murielroyal156]

djlivvy46 you are most welcome.

[@xtelfolaj]

I can relate. I'm a mix light/brown skin with 4c hair. I've heard the WORST comments from black men that made me feel inadequate. I know that I'm pretty and It's not really like I'm looking for validation from men to throw themselves on me. But man sometimes words hurt. Being told that the natural you whether it's my slim weight, kinky hair, etc. Is ugly, made me feel i don't look good enough. I remember one guy said I like your hair, and his friend was like do you actually like her hair and hes like "no". And his friend was like why lie to her then?" Man I used to get that alot, and now I question every black man that compliments me. Because when I thought highly of myself, the world didnt. And it got fustrating getting made fun of. And you are soooooo right about dark skin appreciation. They ONLY time I see when dark skin gets love is when they are naked on social media. Our melanin is not tied to sex appeal. Annoying.

[@MysteereousMyssie]

Thanks for this video! So much truth, and so much to unpack, as you said. I am not dark-skinned, but I am "obviously" black with 4C hair. I am still learning to embrace aspects of myself and not worry what others think. I hope we are all able to accept and live in the truth that we do NOT need to live up to other people's standards. Most of the time, the hate we receive is just a projection of other people's fears and insecurities. I hope we all learn to go where the light is.. that is, focus our energy on people who make us feel accepted and valued for being ourselves.

[@katrinalisa7008]

Amen girl.. Great real shit video. Us as dark skin or Brown skin go through a lot at times with rude people. But you definitely have to have self love within you. And make sure you have confidence within you. And like you said all black females are not angry some of us like you and I love smiling. But we can get angry if you take us there.😉💯💯🤦‍♀️

[@zioningrid3694]

Amen!!

[@BrL-xj7pt]

I'm so happy your channel exists. You just dont understand. My little sister and I both have type 4 hair and we watch your videos all the time. Yes I agree with the reprogramming. I've done affirmations and changing my way of thinking to deal with that. I correct myself whenever I have those brainwashy thoughts. I find that really helps.

[@detraslaughter4770]

I'm a dark skin 4c short natural hair woman and more often than not I find myself wearing it as a badge of honor with a side of attitude, because of the things you speak of in the beginning of the video. The comments and the comfort of which strangers family and friends alike have when saying those things. So for me sometimes it's a battle between standing above all of that on a daily basis or to just start out defensive. Thank you for making this video

[@jsspald]

First off, THE GRILL!!! #ALLDAMNDAY Thank you sooo much for this. I don't have dark skin but my sister does so does the people closest to me. We all need to start lifting up the woman with dark skin. 100% They are incredible and I'm so proud to be a black woman.

[@naptuallybeautiful132]

Girl I'm the darkest woman in my entire family AND I'm the only natural in my family besides my aunt (who's honestly the ONLY one that understands my journey and encourages me to keep going.) And my own mother and other aunt had the audacity while I had my hair in a big beautiful puff to ask me "So what are you going to do with your hair?" "when are you going to fix your hair?) like REALLY?? but both of them now seeing my hair growing and flourishing are asking me so what are you putting in your hair, can you do my hair? All I can say is GIRLLLLLL..... Plus I have to add people take my shyness as being a bitch but the actuality is I just am really really quiet and just don't communicate the way people think I SHOULD communicate. Girl we just as black women go through so many struggles that people pretend not to notice.

[@naptuallybeautiful132]

Chile I'm so sorry about the long ass rant, I just had to let you know that you're not alone.

[@KandidKinks]

So so relatable .. I’m generally a reserved person but people tend to think I’m angry or annoyed .. I experienced the SAME reaction when going natural vs when my hair actually started to grow

[@naptuallybeautiful132]

@@KandidKinks girl everyone else can have any type of personality that they want but WE have to be bubbly, polite, open minded and outspoken or else be put into that "angry black woman" stereotype. It's ridiculous.

[@patb2582]

Lol so relatable. I'm the rebel in my family. The darkest, wear natural hair, have a piercing and may get sister locks soon

[@haneefafreeman789]

Nailed it... Uplifting and encouraging! Much needed discussion and not sure what complexion is now. I consider my brown skin, when I was little and teenage years I was considered to be high yellow. Over the years my complexion is different but as a black woman.. I know we come in different shades as sizes. Point taken... Love yourself!

[@carlaburrelmusic5851]

You look absolutely stunning!!!😍♥️

[@KandidKinks]

thank you so much

[@limegreenlover21]

Girl this is a look! Can we have a makeup tutorial? Thanks so much for making this video! I wish more people would talk about this.

[@i.am.sweetie4075]

Your raw honesty is inspiring, the topics you touched on are ever pressing, they plague my mind regularly. The dichotomy of being confident yet always second guessing one self is exhausting. I pray for change, forever waiting on the rain so thank you for providing a safe space for us to exist hidden from the judgment of our everyday worlds. Escapism is bliss, yes to more moments like this

[@KandidKinks]

Love this comment so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

[@aldeannadonald1578]

I was told by a light-skinned friend that I had resting bitch face and I felt some kind of way. She insisted I was unapproachable. So, I feel you and thanks for making me feel like I'm not alone out here. That my dark skin doesn't make me less than.

[@augustvirgo6773]

I get that too but I love my face.

[@maratogether3439]

Need more of this “Ted talk” 😄 I needed to hear this.. thank u

[@Regularblackgirl]

When I first went natural I thought I was going to have 4c hair, but I don’t. And I definitely feel that because my hair coils up gives me a privilege over my other dark skinned sisters. I constantly get the “good hair” comment from people and even from my family. That’s why I make an effort to watch videos and support my sisters with 4c hair because your hair is beautiful and if we don’t support each other, people will try to divide us and create superiority complexes within our community.

[@forevermeyosha4206]

That is something I can relate to because they judge me so much but I just want to be me and show my daughter that is ok to be dark skin she is really feeling it she said that ppl at her school is messing with her I want her to know she is beautiful just the way she is I'm working at it

[@KandidKinks]

teaching her early is such an important step, you'll do great sis

[@forevermeyosha4206]

@@KandidKinks thanks

[@OurAncestralSociety]

Yess!! This is a perfect age for you to instill in her subconscious that she's beautiful!!! Everyday!!! Go overboard with it! Trust me because when she gets older, cant nobody tell her nothing!! And if someone tries, it may hurt in the beginning, but deep down she'll know that she radiates beauty.💕

[@zioningrid3694]

Keeep going Sis!! I can tell you if my mom didn't go in at a young age I am not sure how I survived the stuff ppl say to me directly and indirectly in every stage of schooling! One reason I really wanted to go to hbcu as well! Go.Over.Board Sis and she'll be oozing with selflove!

[@forevermeyosha4206]

@@zioningrid3694 thanks

[@OurAncestralSociety]

Thank you for this video!! Dating has always been an issue: if I met a guy when I was wearing a protective style, I would literally think if this man would still be attracted to me in my natural state!! I can relate when you said about your confidence and knowing how beautiful you are and it can be a little frustrating because we are literally walking goddesses and how can some men not see that...hmmm, maybe they're not ready!😏☝🏾💁🏾‍♀️

[@michelleelizabeth797]

I feel this video in the depths of my soul. Preach sis!

[@detraslaughter4770]

Lexi, I feel like I can call you that after this video because this was REAL. I'm doing all kinds of responding and shaking of the head. I'm going to tell you how real it is I'm married to a man lighter than myself and have been for 16 years. And to this day I still find it difficult to take compliments from him. That's how deep the ish goes. I know he means what he says without a doubt but I still have pause.

[@thanamesny7807]

This was like a therapy session. i LOVED It. Thanks for sharing. This conversation, and this video is soo relevant. Thank you so much for sharing!!

[@4CKEA]

Here in Barbados you are so pressured. Its like they praise up people with loosen textures and light skinned. They say the worst and most disrespectful comments to us. And here in Barbados anxiety disorders dont exist neither depression in person in Barbados they think its a joke and take you for granted. Life is extremely sad here thats why i was inspired by you to do a channel to help other females to love themselves ;-)

[@thesashaking]

Wowwwww. This video really hit hard. this is something I've always dealt with but never was able to put into words. I can so relate especially when you said "you are enough even if you don't have the stereotypical black girl body." Which is so me, I've always been naturally slim and all my life people specifically black people have always had something to say about how skinny I am, and it eventually got to a point where I became insecure about it. I am just now starting to love my body, but it's still hard sometimes. And to be honest, I still deal with the "are you seriously into me?" whole thing, but I take it one day at a time. I just wanted to thank you so much for not only speaking out about this extremely relatable topic, but also providing a solution. Yes, we have A LOT of inner work to do and a long way to go. But the first step to getting there is coming to the realization and addressing it :)

[@ayanna2620]

So many truths. I had this one instance where I had a black Male friend with specific preferences of women he dated aka not dark skinned. That's fine and idc who he wants to date. He found out I was dating a non-black guy and had the nerve to call me a sell out like dating someone non-black makes me less black. He is the type of guy that constantly stereotypes dark skin women and uses those excuses as to why he doesn't date dark-skinned women then wants to get pissy when someone appreciates me as a whole. I'm tired of societal bs

[@ayanna2620]

One more thing. I'm natural with type 4 hair and one thing I noticed was that when I was relaxed I was approached a lot more by black men. Every since I went natural, I barely get approached and instead they just stare at my hair as I go by. I actually had one male acquaintance who was interested in me tell me I looked "sexier" when my hair was straight. I was like nah fam, I was sexy then and I'm just as sexy now. Gtfo.

[@KammyKamzz]

Thanks for sharing Lexi. I definitely agree with you about how friends can unknowingly make you feel some type a way about your hair. I remember when I first made the decision to go natural.. I had one particular friend that was against it.. she still doesn’t like my hair but I have had to tell her about how her comments made me feel and she has since toned it down. I’ve never had a problem with how I felt about my self and feeling conscious about women who were lighter than me.. eventhough I live in a predominantly Black Country.. colorism is very popular and with that the issue of bleaching is rampant. I’ve always been comfortable with the colour of my skin.... but I do know that some women struggle with it and this topic will always be relevant. Thanks for being so vulnerable with us 💕

[@rmsgirl3180]

KammyKamzz whew. As someone from and living in the Caribbean, I can relate. The bleaching down here is so rampant that it’s almost normalized.

[@ajaimani]

This was so relatable. I really have been trying to transition out of wearing straight haired wigs so much and wearing my natural hair more. It’s hard sometimes though because although I think I look cute with my natural hair I feel like more men would approach me with my wig on. I know a lot of naturals say wigs are just a good way to protect our hair, which they are, but for me atleast I feel like it almost doubles as a security blanket sometimes. Which I believe makes sense considering we’re living in a world that doesn’t always approve of kinky hair.

[@djlivvy46]

You may have more men approaching you, but are they quality men? The quantity is not as important as the calibre. I used to relax my hair, but I have never worn a wig or weave and I don’t intend to. I would never entertain a man who did not accept my natural hair - and my hair is 4z.

[@CS-gh3qh]

I love how you pointed out that us black women have to live with judgement cuz it’s so true. I’m constantly being told to smile and it’s like, why can’t you just let me exist? I have to show my teeth because you’re uncomfortable with a dark skinned black woman not looking happy 24/7? I’m not aggressive (unless the occasion calls for it) but people treat me like I am. They avoid me, they hesitate when they speak to me and it’s like what the hell?! No matter what I do, it’s always this weird and offensive vibe I get from people based off of THEIR preconceived notions of me. Stop thinking dark skin is aggressive and violent! Also, I feel like as a dark skin woman, I have to do 200% with everything just to get 50% of the acknowledgment non-dark skin people especially women get. I often default to specializing myself cuz I do believe that sometimes, I’m not seen as attractive unless I’m in a sexual setting. I def can relate with the second guessing when a man likes me. It’s so much to unpack.

[@lorethajohnson8140]

I grew up in the eighties and nineties and I don't recall seeing a lot images of dark skin women, I'm happy that the younger generations are seeing more but it could be better. I love seeing young girls wearing their natural hair, when I was a teen, natural hair wasn't acceptable it was all about relaxers and weaves. As far as dating goes, I can relate to what you mentioned about thinking men aren't as into you because of the brain washing.

[@adriennekirkland719]

This is soo crazy that majority of us (dark skinned ) women. I have always been told I was beautiful and have taken care of myself. I’ve always been confident in who I am. Always dated brothers, even married and had children. With that being said never felt my worth with them, with one exception. Through it all I’m married to a white man and I’m he’s Queen. I’ve never been soo loved, respected and put on a pedestal wherever I go. I could go on but, you wouldn’t BELEIVE MY LIFE!!

[@cassenav]

I can relate.... to the point where I become standoffish when someone expresses interest because I think this MUST be a mistake. And the crazy thing is I love myself!! I am so glad you made this video

[@tjtanner9311]

Love the grill. 2:45 😆. Love the message. I actually had to correct my mother this morning when we were talking about hair textures. She said, "I don't have a bad hair grain". 🤔 I said what is a bad hair grain? You can't call something that naturally grows out of someone's scalp bad. We gotta stop with self internalized hatred. You're beautiful.

[@brealajabarber3809]

I’m not dark skin but I have 4c hair to and my granny always ask me what I’m gone do with my nappy hair I say first of all it’s not nappy and it’s already done she say you wearing it like that I say yeah

[@formyhobbies3766]

Alot of Older black Ladies. Veiw type 4 hair as nappy and bad

[@havathesun321]

Yes I definitely agree a lot with what you said and had to like this video. Definitely be looking at other girls when guys look at me "like what?" And I am a light skinned woman with 4b/4c hair.

[@cdropable]

I'm a 67 yr old dark skinned, kinky haired woman. I feel everything you said. The brainwashing is real. I'm subscribing.

[@Msiceybear]

girl how did you know i needed this??!

[@JessicaBloxom]

Yesss this was much needed! Learning more each and every day to love this dark skin and type 4 hair.

[@bebetucker1]

Im so glad u made this video!! Its so true, the sad truth unfortunately tho

[@Ladyrindy]

This video is so beautiful and needed! Thanks for the positive vibes. I'm a chocolate woman with 4b/4c hair and have heard every microaggression from so many different people. People are shocked that I'm attractive and confident. I've been natural 20 years and people still ask when or why don't I want to chemically straighten my hair. This video is very reliable and refreshing. Thanks for this.

[@karenhorton148]

Such a lovely message Lexi❤️🖤💚

[@KandidKinks]

thanks sis

[@karenhorton148]

Always here to support you. I won’t chime in on this topic bcuz I’m not considered dark skinned, but I think your vulnerability makes you even more beautiful than exterior beauty. It’s amazing you’re so aware at your age-I was so dumb in my 20s. This conversation is a Winner! I love seeing you branch out a bit. It’s important🥰

[@ashleya2178]

When you get a moment check out The Grapevine channel. I think you'd enjoy the conversations.

[@georgettensukimulayi2624]

I love your video! Black women speak up!stay strong! Tell the world how you feel speak up! Make ppl uncomfortable about the fact that they are not aware about what we live! But Im not into interracial dating for many reasons.

[@beatrizlimon9628]

I'm not dark skin but I get so happy when people inspire each other. Women should wear whatever the want and be how they are with no judgement 😘😍

[@DolceVita]

Girl your skin is EVERYTHING...gorgeous

[@LoveMissDawn]

I totally understand feeling beautiful but not expecting my look to be most people’s flavor. I so so get it! I look in the mirror and I love love my brown skin and natural hair...I love my look. However, I don’t expect people to appreciate my look. I so feel you on that.

[@zioningrid3694]

EVERY👏🏽THING👏🏽 IN👏🏽THIS VIDEO🙌🏽💯! YOU ARE ENOUGH. WE ARE ENOUGH. You just put me in a mood! A better mood! Comment @4:06..! #sigh I can edit 50 times! But let me tell...when I first went natural I swear if I didn't love myself; I honestly would ask myself !Everyday! What's wrong with me!? All of this! Looving the comments!

[@coreenamusic]

I love you so much ❤

[@KandidKinks]

love you too!

[@honeybuns8404]

Love u too 😊

[@bossladykey2]

I just watched your video and I found it very interesting to find that someone such as you think the same as me. It is that we as black women don't feel we pretty or beautiful deep down inside when a non black person compliments us it is hard to accept cause you lowkey feel like they trying to get something out of you. It is sad that people compliment us when we are all greased up in baby oil. Yes Lexi keep the convos flowing, we need to keep unpacking our luggage. This will make us all stronger.

[@bbappzz98]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 i'm brown skin but i relaate with men not finding you attractive. When black men approach me, i feel shocked because i expect them to like very fair skin tones or white girls and if men of other races approach me, i'm like are you sure? You passed alll the white girls and girls from your race to come to me? Are you sure it's not because you've never fucked a black girl? All the while knowing, black girls are stunning and normally pursued girls look average but get twice the attention. I don't relate to the struggles of "nappy hair" because i've had "good hair" but i know it was important for me to embrace and see 4c hair as beautiful in all its forms (which is still a process because of the prevalent idea 4c has to be manipulated or defined). If you can't embrace all forms of blackness in skin tone or hair then you can never embrace yours tbh. More videos like this please!!

[@gswpower7098]

I'm not darkskin but I love the message in this video!!!but people always disregard what I'm saying since they feel like I cant completely relate 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@LovelyMeTL]

👍... You've been heard... Unpacking was appreciated... Storytime would be a good topic (doing it live)

[@naturallykool]

Lexi, I am a beautiful woman with beautiful brown skin. I truly view myself, as, "yeah, get out of my way, if you don't know the truth, because the "rest of y'all" wish you could be me." We can't have self truths and still have self doubts. Don't get in your own way💜 👑Being black is Beautiful👑Be your own Queen👑

[@IssaRaeOf10S]

Your hair is enough. I felt that ❤️

[@malakmall6646]

Great video...Hair is bomb! Make up is bomb! Message is bomb! You bomb, girl! And all my fellow black queens! The real MVPs. Xoxo P.s. what lippy is that? 👀

[@KandidKinks]

its nyx lip liner in deepest brown with essence makeup clear gloss on top. and thank you so much

[@mzkk73]

I feel that we not only need to encourage one another that we are beautiful the way God created us but we also need to encourage our young daughters and nieces that they are also beautiful the way God created them. My daughter is afraid to wear her natural hair without addition to it because of ignorant young boys at her school or in society who may tease if you don’t have certain type of hair so she always wears in a protective style she never wants to wear her out even though she is natural so we really have to work on our children so that they know that they are beautiful the way that they are and they don’t have to have long weave or a certain curl type to be beautiful and it’s just really sad the way we all think. It’s deep rooted self hatred that has been brainwashed into us by someone who wants to look just like us. They can’t look like us unless they go and spend some money so they try to make us feel bad about how we look making it seem as if they are the standard of beauty. When I look at black women and I see the array of hues that we embody, I think to myself how beautiful we are and how this world would look without our different complexions, tones, Melanin; everybody would look so much alike, a world without color who wants that? We are all beautiful people and they can’t take that away from us they can try but the truth is the truth. IG: @misskk43

[@sonyagladney9082]

All I can say is that we are beautiful and powerful people! Dark, medium and light skinned people need to research our history to the fullest because there is power in our DNA, and our beautiful skin and hair is a reflection of that!❤ kandidkinks is right! We need to reprogram our thoughts about how we have been viewed as a people and embrace the truth! Very powerful video!💞

[@TBella1226]

Well I experienced colorism when I moved to a smaller town. Wanted to get a better job and didn't anticipate what I would find living there... Seemed like most the black men were with white women and at work when you hear them talk.. it was some excuse to why they wouldn't date a black woman(talking down on us). It was disgusting!! Over time living there it just seemed like my self esteem was depleting because I didn't feel the love. I always wore my natural hair out, big and proud because that made me feel at my best... tbh. It got to a point that when I saw a black couple together I would compliment them because it was not often seen.. I'm so serious!!. It was just a complete culture shock for me.. I'm glad to have moved from down there cuz I didn't see a future for me there. It wasn't a good place for black women.. for me... or my black daughter... imo!! Thanks for this video! I'm brownskinned but I feel we at times be in the same boat with darkskinned sistas. My experience in that town solidified it for sure. I hate that we as black women have to be treated like we do. We are smart, beautiful and freakin amazing!! I truly do love us and want to see ALL of us treated better!!! ❤❤

[@gailperry7695]

I'm a Black Dark Skinned 66 yr old Queen living in the Midwest. Well Educated, Intelligent, Confident, Beautiful, and can work Any room to make heads turn by my sheer presence. My sister Queen, We Are the Royalty! Carry yourself like the Queen you are! You may have been surrounded by Black Males perpetrating as Black Men!Or. Black Females perpetrating as Black Women. I am disturbed that my younger royalty even Care about what social media perpetrates about them. It's Not Real life, it's a manmade illusion. What about your Daily Accomplishments, Goals Met, Creativity, Respect Earned, Spiritual growth N knowledge of your Higher Power. Do Not Ever let a mere human , even family make U feel Devalued! Not Ever my sister! I'm crying as I write this. We Have POWER in our spirit it comes from God, The Almighty, whichever you wish to call the Universal Spirit, The Creator, in whichever language you have. BE the Independent Thinker, Warrior, Doer, that you were Born to be. Surround yourself with royal minded people! Read take classes at a black history museum or college near you. Life Should Not revolve around Social Media and it's LIES ILLUSIONS of Who N Whose we are!! ALWAYS BE ROYALTY, NOT degrading your physical appearance. Always UPLIFTING your people, Implementing your Own Ideas, NOT being fearful of Anything Positive you wish to discuss, learn about yourself. Start and Be the Journey!

[@TBella1226]

@@gailperry7695 Thank you!! ❤❤

[@djlivvy46]

@@gailperry7695 - It isn't enough to read black history written by black men though. As Bleu says, men tell their own version of history no matter what race they are. As she also says, we need to tell our own stories.

[@lakishawhite862]

Must be Oklahoma

[@lakishawhite862]

MzLadiiCap, must be Oklahoma

[@N3pea]

A lot of the things you talked about is rooted in us, we have to break the cycle. And the bad thing about it is we dont always intentionally do these things to be negative it's like a habbit because we have heard them and used them without understanding the power behind them. The good hair thing I have used and I dont mean it to be negative, when I say it I mean easier to manage. I have to catch myself a lot before I let it slip out. Then there are negative people with negative words that do it on purpose to be spiteful so I understand. Beautiful Message!!

[@TriniGirlNatural]

Nawwwh sis, none is rooted in us. We were forced to hate ourselves after we were stolen from Africa. Root? Nawwh

[@N3pea]

@@TriniGirlNatural rooted might be the wrong word, but some behaviors have been with us so long that it's not just a easy fix. Its something that we have to actually put effort into fixing and getting away from. It will be a harder struggle for some depending on how long they have been exposed to whatever they are dealing with. Self doubt, colorism or even a loss of identity for some. I just ment that somethings could take a lot of time and effort to overcome not that we were born with these issues.

[@TriniGirlNatural]

@@N3pea true

[@Breakingthebond]

Nichelle S Facts 💯im a tomboy and i struggle with this to and i am a tomboy. Pieces of black womanhood is hard to understand?

[@djlivvy46]

@@TriniGirlNatural - a lot of that hatred started long before we ever saw a white man in Africa!

[@19GENESE13]

I am thankful that from birth to age 18, I never encountered damaging colorism. It wasn’t until I went to college that I first had that experience. If I had to grow up in the environment that I encountered in college I would have the worst self image.

[@elainebutler6886]

You are A dark skin beautiful😍😍😍 inside and out. And your personality is AMAZING and you definitely have a great sense of HUMOR I ❤️ your hair🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@KandidKinks]

thank you so much

[@libfuzzy4629]

Dark skin and kinky hair is gorgeous I love it 🥰🤩😍

[@uniquelynappy9930]

Love this vid sis! And also the golds looks good on you😍😘

[@virtuoussoulhealer3644]

girl.... and you are an exceptional beauty. don't eva doubt it..😍