KANE & LYNCH 2: DOG DAYS (Zero Punctuation)

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This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days.
Fast-talking Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw reviews a new game each week in this animated series that combines informed critique with cutting humor. Watch the next episode of Zero Punctuation a week early, only on The Escapist.
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[@steveback9010]

"The cruelest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is perfect when it isn't. It's a policy that has gotten me thrown out of a lot of finger painting classes." That's why I come here.

[@joshuawinestock9998]

Just watched Jacob Geller's video on this, and it's pretty funny how Jacob's basically "positive" more-or-less "review" seems to actually agree with Yahtzee's slam on every point about the game

[@Akbar.Gunawan]

Yeah, me too. The moment I finished watching Jacob's piece, I immediately remembered this review.

[@30vam]

Dont think about it. Just feel it

[@skep2923]

Why is positive in air-quotes? Are you implying it’s not positive?

[@marcoscabrera8324]

LMFAO SMALL WORLD BUT YES

[@thrownstair]

It’s an objectively horrible game, but you get to choose what “horrible” you pick

[@VanguardFencer]

Put in some Cooking Mama gameplay and call it Cane & Lunch.

[@d9fred95]

Candy Cane and Lunch 2: Dog Dinner. Yes, I replied to a 5 year old comment, fite me!

[@Freduardo96]

@@d9fred95 Yes, I also saw Criken's video

[@ranfan1820]

Cane and Lunch rob Mama's pantry.

[@lutherholayeahme7449]

Raising Cane's for lunch

[@grimday666]

Why not Cake & Lunch?

[@diegofloor]

It feels like he's avenging his critic colleagues. Like "you can't touch me and I'll make sure everyone knows how much shit this game is!"

[@grfrjiglstan]

Watching this review to pregame for the Pyrocynical video. This should be fun.

[@Paur]

"--like a man with no bones in his arms trying to serve you coffee." Wow... that was a creative one. Good show.

[@PinkManGuy]

I played this with a friend. We cried laughing at how bad it was. ...We played it all the way through, and aren't friends anymore because of it.

[@FALG31]

Blazi Ken Sounds like the sort of game the Game Grumps shuld play

[@Darkemperer]

+Fernando Langalú Seems Jon and Arin already did, then.

[@FALG31]

QuintonFlynn They did?

[@jstn.9887]

How did this game kill your friendship? lol

[@wootska]

@@jstn.9887 Guess we'll never know

[@sailoritaly]

1:56 - 2:09 I think Yahtzee just predicted The Order 1886 right there

[@patp3725]

Had completely forgotten about that trainwreck

[@Caboose039]

"so intense it literally physically assaults you" Holy shit, a force-feedback videogame

[@edm240b9]

I'm gonna start playing cooking mama in between matches in cod

[@mizen4052]

we don't play cod the same way

[@bloodstoneore4630]

gotta try that someday

[@timebomb4562]

like real gamers do

[@Darkalfondso]

EdM240B how did it feel?

[@ulriksonne5697]

I cant unsee that the business man's cheek looks like a very indecisive mouth expression

[@ulriksonne5697]

0:48

[@ProjectOP]

Wait that's not what it's supposed to be? That's what I always thought it was....

[@zekeoman1]

YOU SON OF A BITCH NOW I SEE IT TOO

[@jasonneu81]

It's actually supposed to be sunk in cheeks tho ._.

[@imnotalizard1397]

man! I love coming back to this video every couple of months.

[@RedMenace446]

i honestly think this is yatzhees harshest review, correct in what he says, but put out the most boldly

[@NexusSomnia]

Just played through this game and I don't actually think Yahtzee was harsh ENOUGH upon reflection.Most of the time the cover mechanics just flat out didn't work, either I was shot through it or while I was trying to survey the scene around my my character would just stand up, but just when I needed to get out of cover because I was being flanked, the fuckwit would just sit there velcroed to the wall. I spent an entire mission with my reticule being blocked by Lynch's big fat fucking head so I could not see what I was shooting at. But on to of that, the game is literally the exact same gunfight repeated for four hours. All the exact same motions, with the enemies running in and having a snooze behind cover. And on top of that the enemies take SO MANY HITS. Of one of the many lines the protagonists spew when a new wave of enemies shows up, I noticed one near the end of the game, where I think Lynch says "It never ends!" Which reflects my sentiments exactly. ...I just had to get that out somewhere. It's been a while since a game has made me so angry.

[@nathanclark2424]

NexusHUB So, I should not attempt to play this game.

[@screwthepresent9630]

Ah, Kane and Lunch 2. What a tasty and filling sequel.

[@screwthepresent9630]

I didn't say ful-filling, did I?

[@PootieWienerfish]

candy kane and lunch 2: dog dinner

[@TakoyaKyono]

Still a better love story than Ride to Hell: Retribution.

[@longdong1622]

fuck yeah!

[@ArodWingfoot]

Still a better love story than twilight

[@ArodWingfoot]

Long Dong That's that joke.

[@longdong1622]

ArodWingfoot Unnecessary , because the whole twilight saga is a joke.

[@ArodWingfoot]

Long Dong That's better

[@AutisticHighHeeler]

"It now breathes spunk instead of air!" I'm dead. X'D

[@MetalAddict247]

I've been bingeing these videos for 2 days now send help

[@TheRoflcer]

Help not necessary, you're doing the right thing.

[@allbottledup9513]

Joe Barrett I've seen every episode of of ZP at least 5 times and I still binge the whole series like at least twice a month.

[@catherineholmes8423]

Joe Barrett hell na

[@skylarcrittenden3093]

Joe Barrett Gotta say, I too have been bingeing these. Except, replace the last two days with the last week :P

[@dontmindme5879]

im doing it now 1 year later

[@AJBiskit]

One thing I absolutely love about this review is the fact Yahtzee's version of Lynch looks vaguely like Bill Bailey!

[@Will762]

"You can still have it, but you've got to have something else!" [A SCONE] Bloody hilarious!

[@BillehBobJoe]

i have no idea why but when he says he hopes the characters return to nothing in a black hole i just burst into laughter

[@Utilizador-gs3lx]

Mr Escapist Pyro sends is regards

[@thefool8750]

3:02-3:06 this part of the video just got uncensored in China, congrats!

[@DarkSlimeGod]

I've been sick for the past couple of weeks now. Nothing has made me feel much better then comedy and ZP is one of my favorite things to watch if I wish to laugh. So, thank you very much for making my sickness a lot more bearable.

[@ThrashingHorror]

One of his best videos

[@SirMordred524]

Holy shit! Yahtzee and I share the same birthday! My life clearly must have a small fraction of meaning!

[@lawlzorz17]

i just found this guy and have been watching for like three hours straight. thanks reeddit!

[@NamelessPlayerOfficial]

2:37 the guy serving the coffee was fucking HILARIOUS xD

[@samvisser9408]

Yeah, I laughed hard at that.

[@TheRandomguy17]

4:38 This aged so fucking well! xD

[@friendlyboatman6158]

Is there a special circle in hell for Gilette and T-mobile commercial writers?

[@GameraiderMinecraft]

"-it now breathes spunk instead of air" : I lost it XD

[@Jaceblue04]

"Worse than deep-fried tampons" I literally shit my pants laughing XD

[@therealblackcerberus2371]

Worse than deep fried tampons. Best insult ever.

[@robbiethecontroller9642]

This game feels like a assault on my senses, I think that cool 'cus of the games subject matter.

[@bobcooper82]

I would like to know where a harassment movement like GamersGate was when Jeff Gerstmann was fired from gamespot for giving a negative review on Kane and Lynch 1. That's a pure sign of gaming journalism ethics gone out the window. I guess some people don't care about the gaming industry until women are involved.

[@tcerathi]

Thankfully, the facts get in the way of your idiocy, because THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. Gamespot caught a TON of flack for that, including from other industry 'professionals' (including a young Patrick Klepeck), and a large number of people swore off Gamespot completely. I know, I was one of them.

[@fbgp69]

Did you just randomly call him an idiot for no apparent reason? You agreed with him,.. Its like your addicted to trolling, so you have to put an insult in every comment until you go to trolling rehab

[@inaquianallforce4042]

fbgp69 Actually OP said no one recieved "flack" for Jeff Gerstmann getting the boot from Gamespot. tcerathi said that he was wrong, and that people did cause an uproar. Alot of people like to use gamergate to post about their views on women, using it as a shield against anyone who might call them out on it. See also social justice warrior, feminism, etc. OP posted something dumb, with veiled misogynistic undertones, the second comment was a rebuttal with an example, and a not so veiled insult.

[@fbgp69]

ohhh i see, i read the OP wrong ^^

[@inaquianallforce4042]

fbgp69 Right on. Glad I could help! Have a good day!

[@jacktrok6532]

did yathzee just predicted the order 1886

[@Smellbringer]

Shocked he didn't call it "Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Shit." Missed opportunity.

[@johndoegaming1]

>halo infinite fan

[@lunavixen015]

Nice one escapist, Kane and Lunch, I think you should have checked that one :)

[@NikhilJudge]

I think that was intentional.

[@lunavixen015]

***** Nah, it's a misspelling, it's correct on the Escapist.

[@Skidonti]

lunavixen015 Eh, I think it's better this way.

[@EliteRocketBear]

lunavixen015 Kane has been looking for some Lunch for his Dog for Days.

[@875unknown]

You made me realise the title of this video...I broke out into tears of laughter. XD

[@blahblahoww123]

it's 4 in the morning. i can't stop watching...

[@PunkDuck]

@TechUnadept That souns a lot like bulletstorm: no cover system, nor crouch button and you get points by doing crazy kills

[@TheBeardedCaveman884]

Oh shit, Punk Duck? Random video from nine years ago has one of my favourite Paladins personalities in the comment section? Neat!

[@Robert399]

Aren't deep-fried tampons a Scottish delicacy?

[@uberpwner48]

Picola Sturgeon?

[@umboo890]

I met Jeff in a coffee shop, he lives in my hometown and now works at a radio station.

[@maxresdefault_]

The way the Big Boss is having a meeting with the helicopter killed me

[@slambangaction]

WOW he hated this game; did anyone notice how his voice kept getting louder and louder? by the end he was practically shouting! I am NEVER playing this game!

[@Tdog82rage]

just like amount of bad in this game

[@All4Randomness1]

You should play it, it was a misunderstood work of art

[@Awesmaster]

THAT.....WAS....AMAZING, i can t remember the last time i laughed that good

[@patrickwop33]

"Ho ho! Can't those bumbling ninnies do anything right." I'll have to remember to use that one.

[@emilygordbort7300]

Found the TVtropes page quote for Camera Screw.

[@i_just_got_here]

Hi there from the future, Yahtzee just named Kane & Lynch 2 his 6th Worst Game of the Decade

[@randomsamno9]

'Fuck off Square Enix'... amen to that, in fact Enix can do one because its since Enix came along that anything Square did was suddenly awful.

[@hopewec]

oh god, the imagery that Yahtzee introduced (at the end)!

[@TechUnadept]

@PilotWork no cover system, but you can hide behind a wall if things get dodgy, there's no crouch or stick-to-wall-button.

[@lavense4ever]

I love how the title replaces lynch with lunch!

[@polymathicheretic5068]

Aw fuck, they auto correct it!

[@rorydavid5318]

Cid Dao Is it really auto though?

[@officernasty6023]

RIP Kane and Lunch 2: the Cold Cut Chronicles

[@Usammityduzntafraidofanythin]

Woah, somehow this got shoved up to newer reviews? Anyway... It seems like they've just been doing cover based shooting wrong for a long time. Gears of War made it popular, but GoW also had lots of moving in between cover. It was the movement stuff and figuring out where the enemy was that made it fun, and the fact that you sometimes had to rush ahead into the enemy cover. The shooting was actually sort of boring if the enemy was simply behind cover and never moved and especially if you were forced to stay still behind cover that never broke.

[@psychomantis108]

1:16 IS the ending screen of Kane and Lynch 1! Identical to it in fact.

[@Danox94]

Best review ever!

[@popat997]

So I'm guessing this game is not recommended.

[@Thentavius]

Kane and Lunch 2 shall be missed.

[@zeitgeistindustries1792]

Oh wait no it won't.

[@retrogamelover2012]

Yeah. A miss opportunity, that is. Oooooohhhh!!! XD

[@Dreamerx47]

However as of March 2012, the non-disclosure agreement that withheld details of the editor's termination was nullified and subsequently revealed that the firing was indeed due to threats of Eidos pulling advertising revenue away from GameSpot as a result of Jeff's poor review score

[@Malao558]

No matter how many times I watch this review, the last line makes me laugh. THAT'S a hard thing to do! Bra-VO Yahtzee!

[@Daedalus4]

Hilarious review. Although i do really like this game. It has its problems, but it's not nearly as bad as people make it out to be. I guess it's just one of those hate it or love it deals.

[@Daedalus4]

MadmanJoE100 Fact my fucking ass. I've played it multiple times, and the only major criticism i have ever agreed with is its relatively short campaign. I could think of many AAA releases nowadays that get worshipped by critics and are, in many aspects, worse than this game. Most of the hate towards it comes from that old gamestop controversy regarding the first game, which WAS kinda rushed and on the mediocre side.

[@randominternetsurfersurfin7595]

F off if your opinion is the shield against facts and evidence than it will break harder than glass and all these games critics worship have very good aspects unlike this shite.if you think it's good than fine but if you DECLARE its good like that's a fact ( when it obviously isn't) then you're wrong

[@Daedalus4]

Mostafa Shahin No, YOU are wrong. See how easy it is?

[@Theillusive85]

i had another crack at this game last week and i still like it contrary to all the hate it gets. The art and voice acting is great and yeah maybe the gameplay isn't the greatest but it's good enough

[@leongotget4157]

Oxymoron That's not an argument.

[@Theillusive85]

Leon gotget glad to hear you admit it.

[@leongotget4157]

Oxymoron < means I'm talking about you

[@Tenchigo100]

I suppose you think Sonic 0'6 is good too, eh?

[@Theillusive85]

Tenchigo not played it but sounds like you do. Sonic 1 & 2 all day!

[@arbrasskorlean9581]

Sounds awesome, meet you in the Kanefateria!

[@Randomizer903]

that has a good mixture of both.

[@warcourse]

Sorry pyro, looks like your an escapist copy 🤷‍♂🤷‍♂🤷‍♂

[@seto007]

As a fan of the original game (to some degree), I don't understand the people in the comments section praising the second. It's worse in every way, and the plot is absolute garbage: It's pretty much in no way connected to the original games cliffhanger and has no real point, not to mention it has probably the worst ending to a video game, with the exception of maybe, I don't know, incomplete games.

[@MultiHydralisk]

You seem like a smart fan of the series. If we throw money and developers at you could you hopefully come up with a better game? I'm not even being sarcastic, it seems the developers BARELY TRIED with this one! :(

[@adrianshephard6321]

Finally somebody else said it thank you, I wanted to like Kane and Lynch, because of the first game and I thought, what the hell, couldn't be any worse then the minor bugs in the first game... Boy, was I wrong... The second game was just boring and made no sense.

[@Fleskdawson]

SCHAEKY CAMERAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[@puffthecatpuff8931]

I liked the ending.

[@KishinZephrite]

I rented this for ps vita (ps now) and holy ****, one of the most intense handheld gaming experiences I've had in awhile.

[@majomkuszob9946]

Ahhh... As much as I am a fan of this game I enjoyed this video a lot! :D

[@xXxKAMIKAZExXx]

I'm one of the rare people that enjoyed this game :P Way too short though.

[@xXxKAMIKAZExXx]

placebo I don't see why not. I'm pretty sure most people who hate this game haven't even played it before.

[@averagegigel1448]

xXxKAMIKAZExXx you're not alone.

[@MrFatalSilence]

I don't know why, but i completely lost it at the man with no arms serving you coffee.

[@1blacer]

It is on the wikiquote page, which he used :)

[@WhiplashSL]

Kane and Lynch 2? Better than Destiny.

[@brodenbates8544]

Yes, yes you read my mind my friend.

[@croicullagh7530]

You're nostalgic already? Wow.

[@tomsnider9213]

Certainly better than Destiny 2, at least Lynch didn’t beg you for micro transactions after each shoot out.

[@TheBKdynasty]

I actually liked this game although that's probably because I paid 8 dollars for it

[@nnickerson100]

i got ff7 for less than that

[@GalanDun]

nnickerson100 I got Luigi's Mansion for less than that.

[@shuansown7884]

I got: Ultimate Spider-Man, Metroid Prime, Soul Caliber IV, Spider-Man 2, and X-Men Legends for less then that.

[@GalanDun]

shuan sown So have I. I've gotten different games, but the same amount or more for about that price.

[@GalanDun]

shuan sown BTW, kudos for the RJ avatar.

[@GamerGeek2012]

Unless, of course, you're going for the "Spec Ops: The line" type of realism.

[@deafweasel99]

holy moly, another one!

[@TomMcMorrow]

"The kind of stealth game where every enemy on the map becomes alerted to your exact position the moment one guard spots half an inch of your pimply bum. You know, the shit kind of stealth game" *Horizon Zero Dawn has entered the chat*

[@jim191185]

Played this for 5 minutes, until the awful shaking camera made me feel sick.

[@zJoriz]

I like the idea of an attack helicopter just lying on the floor of the boss' office. Getting an evaluation.

[@obsoletebossk]

That was the original Kane and Lynch, at gamespot

[@AvatarDesTopfes]

I really really liked the aesthetic. This game is probably my biggest gaming guilty pleasure and I have plenty of furry VNs in my steam library.

[@notlikely4955]

This game is so garbage it mixed up the words "days" and "shit".

[@Rabbi106]

God, that's the awesomest ending to any ZP episode ever.

[@JosephTX89]

when you're running, your brain instinctively puts focus on what's directly in front of you instead of the pretty butterflies in the corner of your vision. that's tunnel vision. there's a reason some games include it, even if most implement it poorly. this game did it well, though.

[@Komnen0s]

See, I used to take Yahtzee's word on this game being cack but I picked up during a Steam sale and quite enjoyed it. Yeah the story is pretty dumb, but the atmosphere, tone, and characters at the heart of it are surprisingly compelling. The titular duo are washed-up assholes who keep screwing up a job while wandering around a disgusting urban hellscape. It all comes together to create this feeling of sleaze, misery, and failure that I absolutely love. It gets a lot of things wrong but the things it gets right are worth talking about. I'd recommend that anyone who's doubting me take a look at this blog post, which notes how evocative K&L2 is. It also illustrates how the game is similar to Yahtzee's beloved Spec Ops, namely in how both subvert the expectations we have for FPSs. xanderkishblog.blogspot.com/2013/08/kane-and-lynch-2-anti-shooter-before.html

[@ahmedalarabi8979]

The reasoning in that article for its defense is that its shit on purpose and that makes it good essentially. Which is dumb if it's shit on purpose doesn't change the fact that it is still shit. You can excuse any fucking bad game by saying it's bad on purpose. Oh ur, Bad ON purpose? That changes everything let me give u a five-star rating. What a fucking masterpiece.

[@crdude806]

one of worst game ever made. no to mention its 3 hours long

[@01subject]

1:51 best idea ever

[@ezekielmartin4323]

I realize that at 0:46 the curvy line on Lord Shootington Tuxworthy's face is meant to indicate that he's disturbingly thin, but I suddenly started interpreting it as a slight, non-committal frown and nOW I CAN'T STOP.

[@TechUnadept]

@BlitzkriegOmega you can hide, but the only way to regen health is to do a Sync-kill. and a VERY few situations encourage taking cover, such as fighting servo-turrets . But there's no crouch button.

[@HazzaTheAlmighty]

What is that face that Yatzhee uses whenever there's something to do with cover based shooting?

[@Zombiewithabowtie]

I'm hoping he does a similar thing he did round about the Deus Ex relase where he reviewed the original, because I've heard him give a positive opinion of Hitman: Blood Money in previous videos, and I'd like to see him do a retro review of that before Absolution.

[@David678778]

I want a Ice cream Kone & Brunch tomorrow

[@Megaspartan23]

"The characters have achieved nothing, learned nothing, and will hopefully now jump into a big black hole and return to nothing." That sums up the ending to Peep Show.

[@93MANIAC]

And this is why the game is called Dog Days 4:15

[@N36154]

Blood Money really is awesome. And it has aged amazingly.

[@GuiltyDark]

That happened when the Escapist relabeled all the ZP videos a while ago.

[@adzo202]

Pinocchio's splintery todger. Heh.

[@MaganmashFlutefighter]

I agree!

[@angeldeb82]

LOL'd at the imps getting shot, Yahtzee sleeping with the imps, and Kane and Lynch paying a female imp to do a pole dance at the end credits. In fact, almost every scene is hilarious! XD

[@CornishCreamtea07]

I played BF3 for about three quarters of an hour. I want 10 years back.