Kick Me In the Azorella Compacta - High Andean Plants to Blow Your Mind

Join us as we get light-headed and experience altitude sickness while botanizing the volcanic landscape of the Andes of Northern Chile at altitudes high enough to make you keel over and puke. See a member of the carrot family that can live to be 3,000 years old. See what harsh temperature fluctuations and increased ultraviolet radiance to a member of the cotton/hibiscus family when repeated genetic recombination and natural selection works their magic over millions of years. Experience the rejection of offering camelids a salad platter and being rejected. This is Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't.
Species List for this episode :
Cumulopuntia boliviana ignescens (Cactaceae)
Azorella compacta (Apiaceae)
Senecio behnii (Asteraceae)
Pycnophyllum sp (Caryophyllaceae)
Polylepis tarapacana (Rosaceae)
Nototriche nana (Malvaceae)
Mutisia hamata (Asteraceae)
Erythranthe depressa (Phrymaceae)
Plazia daphnoides (Asteraceae)
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Consider sending hate mail/ angry grandpa remarks to : [e-mail]
Dim-witted conspiracy theories, whiny remarks and semi-literate climate-denier comments removed like lint hair from an ass crack. Unless they are worthwhile enough to respond to with ridicule, at which point I will respond with some smarmy shit just for shits n' giggles.

[@seejjordan]

"do cute things make you feel less homicidal?" should be your next t-shirt

[@TwinCitiesFancy]

He's got my money

[@kevcrabill7921]

I never thought I would fall in love with the sound of a man screaming at plants alone in Peru, but here we are.

[@stonew1927]

Chile

[@calamagrostis88]

One of your best, really strange plants in one of the most extreme environments on Earth. These videos are a very valuable scientific record of these amazing species.

[@Inexpressable]

Thats true, imagine how many plants he's filmed that will proabably be gone in ten years.

[@paulshowers1200]

Inexpressable imagine how many plants will be gone in the next 24 h

[@Gamerkat10]

@@paulshowers1200 more so when he's in cities for that one. Here that's a little extreme ngl. Don't get so nihilistic u just give up you know? no fuckin difference then between u and the suits

[@StaticTremor]

“He’s doin’ it, he’s helpin’ the flowers bang themselves.” Probably wouldn’t get that at university.

[@priceandpride]

17:10 looks like someone blew their... Nose lol thought he was gonna say something else

[@STROONZONY]

Tony is a fucking classic!

[@rocki_bb]

My all time favorite college instructor was a pg version of this, but on anatomy and physiology

[@williamharris9799]

You definitely do, my botany instructor liked to say, "flowers are all about sex". Then go on for a while about how Linnaeus was a perv because he named plants after the number of male and female parts in a flower.

[@harrisonbrand8985]

staying up late for geology midterm. i’m glad my current distraction involves more geology.

[@melissac5740]

Practical procrastination

[@BethLove333]

Ya like lookin' at fractals?

[@GildaLee27]

"Christmas kinda makes me wanna throw up."

[@doppenheim64]

Hilarious! Me too

[@melissac5740]

@Your friendly Neighborhood Dealer F that. Any kind of profiting off of others is messed up. Besides the purpose of capitalism is to continuously grow, that just ain't possible on a finite planet. No form of capitalism is environmentally or economically sustainable.

[@melissac5740]

@Your friendly Neighborhood Dealer "What the bourgeoisie therefore produces, above all are it's own grave-diggers"

[@thelukeewan7602]

Yeah, weird customs. Like go to the forest, find the most perfect tree, cut it down, drag it to your living room, dress it up and watch it die. On a personal note, sad but true, 40 years ago I was married to a mouth breathing Humboldt county hillbilly that actually shot a tree off with a shotgun when he couldn't find his buddy with the saw. Wish I could say that was the worst thing he did before I left.

[@marypaquet3372]

@@melissac5740 Absolutely right. Capitalism is based on the idea of profiting off infinite resources. .

[@TitansTracks]

What this guy is doing in real life, is what I looked forward to so badly for in No Man's Sky back in 2016. To go out into alien worlds and discover cool looking stuff. To really get an understanding of the environment. This is probably one of my most favourite channels. Nothing will ever be as engaging as the world around us. There is so much to learn and discover! 💎

[@bobrickleson2087]

Oh shut up you nerd

[@TitansTracks]

@@bobrickleson2087 Nah I'd rather speak my mind and not worry about what dumb asses think. It's a lot funner this way, now gfy 😘

[@StaticTremor]

Bob Rickleson If you have a problem with nerds you better just keep moving fella.

[@rivitraven]

No man's sky ended up a disappointment compared to what I wanted it to be. It sort of just became repeat after repeat in the planets. I really wished it was better than it actually was. I expected there to be multiple ecosystems across planets instead of the same thing all across it.

[@TitansTracks]

@@rivitraven Tell me about it! I dropped in today to see the new "Variety Update" and what you said still rings true. There not true ecosystems when you just land and see everything there is for the whole planet. It's actually a really depressing game to play, monotous grind for resources, a jetpack that barely works, the buzzing and repetitive music and of course the amount of time just waiting around. It feels like there should be more to it but really there isn't. I don't think the engine they built is very fun, it's great for all these prototype ideas but in terms of actual gameplay it's very stale and repetitive. Even worse in VR where everything is blurry. Hand crafted planets would be the way to go. I feel like their whole procedural generation thing really screwed them over!

[@CarnivorousPlantsAndGardening]

It's almost 12:00AM and I'm going to watch this video

[@jamesdriscoll9405]

Those Vicuna look sorta happy to see you. Just saying. The Altacama is amazing, thank you for sharing it. Did you see any of the astronomical observatories they have down there? Ancient ruins? Just wondering.

[@stonew1927]

Vicun'a? Atacama? Are you comenting on the wrong video? And so many others clueless giving you thumbs up? lol

[@victorsaloum9731]

thank god a new vid i was dying of boredom don't ever stop man!

[@Grrinn]

He'll run out of Earth eventually...

[@victorsaloum9731]

Cheshire Grinn he better be a geriatric doing this then.

[@watcher3774]

He might stop to teach.... hes a knowledgeable with life fucking experience.

[@jasminewood395]

@@Grrinn not at a botanist pace... He could botanize Chile alone for 500 yrs and not be done

[@eddiewiller]

Those Azorella compacta are pretty cool. I have never seen something quite like that.

[@tonydavies8683]

it looks like a really tight packed Sempervivum aka: chicks and hens succulent

[@green3975]

I think azorella is edible as well.

[@JornSilverblade]

05:00 Xenophyllum weddellii 05:45 Senecio humillimus (not S. algens or S. behnii) 07:05 Senecio adenophyllus (probably) 09:30 Pycnophyllum tetrastichum 11:50 Werneria aretioides 13:15 Oxychloe andina 22:45 and 23:15 Nototriche turritella

[@CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt]

What's up Kai thanks for the help on inat last year.

[@ryPish]

This is such a strange landscape... you could have told me most of those were alien life forms found on the dark side of seventh moon of planet 9 and I might have believed it all, were it not for all the clues left by evolution tying most those weird bastids to some other plant I've seen before, real nice close ups.

[@boinger1988]

Best channel on KZbin hands down.. Thanks for spreading your knowledge, and making us laugh at the same time. Watching from the southside of Chicago!

[@kmakiri9156]

It seems I found my new favorite KZbin channel! This has everything I could ask for. Botany, swearing and misnthropy. Thank you!

[@nancynickerson4341]

What an amazing landscape. Thanks so much to CPBBD for taking us on these expeditions!

[@swaddington9399]

Damn, that Apiaceae looks like a Sedum...weird...thanks for taking us to Chile with you!

[@jasminewood395]

I hope he stays there for a year!

[@tiioga8053]

I got fired cause I was listening to ur channel at work it was worth it

[@ShunNiikura]

Thanks a lot! As a European I really love to see these habitats. Thumbs UP!

[@Filbie]

Your explanation around 15:30 was blowing my mind!

[@mchaelhb]

you continue to be one of my favourite people on the internet

[@amendopublicaccess5742]

I always look forward to seeing your videos and tell people about your channel probably too often.

[@crawlspace9750]

You talking in your videos is better company than the majority of people I've met, much less encounter regularly.

[@wendysalter]

It's hard to know what to say...it's so amazingly magnificently miraculous =. Thanks Joey, loving these explorations.

[@damiangraham3571]

i love Fractals!! And, yes, I finished school in the early nineties. That landscape"s wicked

[@fop6033]

Hold on! I gotta take my bong rip before I watch this!

[@simonolsen9995]

8:57 - The local shaman checks out Tony.

[@kenhunt2861]

Simon Olsen : el condor passa

[@wendysalter]

Nice catch

[@pissoff247]

Hey man. You're an inspiration. Ten years ago I was shooting dope in an abandoned house. I went back to school got a degree in chemical engineering because I love chemistry but I was going to be old as fuck by the time I graduated with a PhD in organic chemistry and I could finish a bachelor in chemE in four years and make more money. Today I work in the pharmaceutical industry as an automation engineer, so I dont even do chemical engineering. I like what I do, but ultimately I fantasize about running off into the woods and spending my life in a cabin. I much prefer the natural world to the mindless pursuit of money. I study mycology and teach beginner classes in wild mushroom identification. Anyway, I think you're right on. We should hang out some time.

[@cdawg3551]

I need a Borneo video where you go up close and personal with Rafflesia arnoldii 🙏

[@allonesame6467]

Found one. On youtube no less!

[@slocoast5]

So incredible! Love watching. Actually motivated to get outdoors.

[@AndreaDingbatt]

WOW! Just, WOW!! And, Another,~ WOW for Good Luck!! Ive Fallen in Love with This Landscape!! It is Quite Simply,~Freaky as Feck!!~ Im Very New to this Amazing Botanical Stuff! My Family think it means I have Become *Effeminate,... HaHaHaa! Mr Dingbatt. .(Still with Mrs Dingbatt,Just..Lmao!!)

[@PixelPariah]

Love you vids and the banter, dude. Keep it up!

[@michaelnancyamsden7410]

Thank you for this trip into altitude and unusual plants. Enjoy your teaching. Never spent the time to consider adaptational botany. Would never have even seen these without your hard work. Thanks.

[@goodboiadvsp3297]

Yeah, Ill getcha a burrito if it'll make you feel better, when you gonna be back in Oakland?

[@johannesdietrich724]

No, I as a German don‘t feel offended. „Werner“ is a famous cartoon in Germany. It‘s translated in many languages. Maybe you watched it. Like your stuff, i‘m botanist too, and like your style to speak without unnessessary scientific terms. Botany for everyone. Keep on going for eternity.

[@TheNaturalProgressive]

I love your work! Maybe some day you would be willing to go slumming and agree to an interview?

[@CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt]

I guess. Buy me a burrito and we can talk. Heavy on the beans, hold the rice : [e-mail]

[@jasminewood395]

Email him! It's well worth the burrito!

[@TheNaturalProgressive]

@@CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt Happily buy you a burrito! I will reach out tonight!

[@TheNaturalProgressive]

@@jasminewood395 Yes!!!

[@TheNaturalProgressive]

Now I am getting excited! Joey has some fans that watch my show too! 🤗

[@whikihowable]

I like to imagine he's a hit-man that makes these videos to serve as alibi, just after burying bodies in the middle of nowhere.

[@gallaherchris]

I love these videos, they put a smile on my face.

[@analogbunny]

I don't think I've been this curious about root systems in years. Those mats that grow over the rocks... I'd be so into looking under to see how it holds on. Usually the roots are just "it has a root", but sometimes... the interesting shit is underneath.

[@RazsterTW]

Have to figure that it's been growing on top of older and older decaying plants. I too wonder what the root system looks like.

[@trevorstannus2604]

The root structures of plants are still largely a mystery, so get out there with a shovel! (As they say countless times in Edible Forest Gardens). Understanding them better would enable us to plant gardens that share the soil’s resources and provide us with better, longer lasting yields from useful perennial herbs, shrubs, climbers, and trees!

[@thismianeptunis]

As far as I can tell, while there are probably plenty of rocks under that thing, it doesn't really "grow on rocks" in the sense that something like moss or lichen would. It has a large taproot that reaches pretty deep into the soil, which is common for Apiaceae (they are the carrot family, after all). So it isn't so much holding onto rocks as it is expanding outward and happening to grow over the rocks in its path

[@mediumbug]

thank you for sharing. much appreciated.

[@ComblessMan]

Love this series. I save it to watch so I can pay attention. GFY.

[@mrpieceofwork]

Wait... you disparage Xmas in this one? Yes please.

[@zzyzx2297]

One of my personal favorite episodes in fact its probably my favorite. Idk what it is about plants adapted to extreme solar radiation, drought, cold temps and the high altitude of the Andes but they really get me in my heart's soft spot. Really cheers me up thank you!

[@MarkusMalecki]

Hey. I am german and I have to tell you, that we - indeed - have humor. 12:20 section 8-) Our humor is just more on the darker side. So that is the reason, I really like your videos. And besides that, I am happy, that I don't have to break my bones in that territory. Go on. Your videos are excellent.

[@NewMessage]

I have a whole list of people I'd like to throw on it.

[@libertyAHV]

Those azorella are amazing. I assume that's not one organism. Does it bud / clone itself? I gotta know more

[@thismianeptunis]

Apparently multiple separate individuals can just kind of smoosh together and still form a smooth surface, which is pretty cool, but some of those are probably single individuals! As they expand, they sort of bubble up, giving them the appearance of being colonial when sometimes there's really just the one. There's some good description here: www.jstor.org/stable/2388107?seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents

[@libertyAHV]

@@thismianeptunis Thanks! appreciate the reply and info

[@PenntuckytheCrag]

Beautiful orange and red flowers

[@SrWho1234]

You have to visit the valdivian forest, it's beautiful and unique, trust me. I'm from Chile and I think it's my favorite ecological region.

[@dwainkitchel1316]

this grandpa made it to 12000' ft before i made them leave me beside the road(GoWildPeru tour) , smokers beware of the Andes ...i really didn't want to come home

[@Inexpressable]

..huh?

[@dwainkitchel1316]

He is in the area of the Andes (northern Chile). Altitude sickness is bad enough with uncompromised lungs but as a smoker when i went to higher altitudes in Peru it was impossible to breathe and as my party was headed up to the top of an Andean mountain, to a village, i made them leave me behind on the side of the road. I was in Peru collecting fish on a GoWildPeru tour. I hope he goes to the jungles in the Puerto Maldonado region for the fantastic botany there :) Capeesh :)?

[@deepgardening]

@@dwainkitchel1316 I was a smoker when I was in the Andes. Made me laugh, I got to the top of a pass in Peru, and I paused and had a ciggy as a meditation on the view. A couple Krauts came along and stared at me, smoking a black tobacco straight, asking me how in the hell?... they didn't catch the bulge in my cheek, 30 sweet coca leaves... that's the way to travel by boot-heel.

[@lucyb15]

So other-worldly and beautiful! I wonder if you prep the night before with floral manuals for what you might see the next day or if you're carrying field guides into these places? It's always interesting to see how various plant families stunt themselves for "alpine" type conditions.

[@CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt]

Know the traits of one family, you'll know it when you see a foreign genus in it. Also got a floral checklist of Chile.

[@emersonlamond1024]

that fractal matt is unreal!

[@superdupergrover9857]

A lot of creationists forget that evolution per se (I prefer to say adaptation) still occurs, but as micro-evolution. As in, no new genes are being created, but the morphological and behavioral changes still occur over generations. Marsupials are the easiest examples. They all have pouches, which are unique to marsupials, and no other mammals will evolve that trait (at least not like the marsupial pouch). But there were marsupial predators, even though the basal marsupial is basically a rodent/wallaby. The Tasmanian tiger is practically the same, morphological speaking, as a dog, but all the genetic potential for that dog shaped marsupial was in the rodent shaped marsupial ancestor. Also, we predicted that so-called junk DNA( DNA that doesn't code for a protein) was not useless. And we are being proven right; research has now proven time and time again that this "junk" DNA simply regulates when the protein coding DNA is active or dormant, or even does this degrees removed, so you have a genetic hierarchy.

[@TheTiniestMoth]

i really dig your videos, man. one for the accent that originally drew me in, but also because you REALLY know what the hell you're talking about but you don't sound like a snobby university professor

[@ValhallaToadplant]

Be careful watching too many of these before bed or you could end up having a dream where a disembodied Chicago accent describes your genitals as “Soh GLAAberous and smood!”

[@iangillham9647]

For a moment I wondered what A.P.C.A stood for! Lol

[@audiokemestry]

Feels like I'm listening to an italian mobster who retired from the mafia to go and get a PhD in botany. So cool.

[@tropicalmn8502]

Un-triggered weed-smoking grampa enjoying the botanical travelogue. Thanks for the species list.

[@CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt]

🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻

[@katiekane5247]

Similar grandma here!

[@tropicalmn8502]

@@katiekane5247 I knew I was hanging with the cool people here!!

[@katiekane5247]

@@tropicalmn8502 we're the better than just "ok" boomers. Peace to you friend!

[@spinningindaffodils]

Ooo, I learned something new!! I did not know sunflowers originated from South America

[@sarahsunshine7248]

That was very educational and beautiful scenery. Ty for your hard work and knowledge

[@thelukeewan7602]

Tony Joe, love your vids ! Hope you have someone watching your back while you explore and share with us.

[@CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt]

Chile is safe compared to Mexico. Not going to walk up on illegal cartel grows or encounter armed narcos here, both of which I've had happen to me on separate occasions down (up) there.

[@zorrokitty5666]

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't Didn’t one of your friends find a grow operation in death Valley?

[@CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt]

@@zorrokitty5666 yes in Hanaupah canyon.

[@luckysixman]

Who knew all it took was a little elevation to quiet you down a little...

[@evelynesimon5758]

Absolute joy of a channel, could you get more perfect? And if Botany does not pay, how do you afford all the travelling?

[@katiekane5247]

A patron or two. He's prolly cheap to feed & put up.

[@CreditR01]

13:22 - It LOOKS like a green bed of nails, ouch.

[@johntellnott12345]

New fan! So enjoying your work, well done, and thankyou. This one is beautiful, loving those ground coverings, oh and your voice is most entertaining, if that's not offence to note.

[@demonorse]

22:30 the bark reminds me of opening up a clove of garlic, it makes the same noise, multiple thin layers.

[@rockyfern]

I freaking love dis guy!!! “ if you don’t love a coot, you’re an a$$hole”😂😂

[@savvassimitsis9090]

It looks like some species of those stony corals that become huge.

[@Yourmomma568]

American has ruler tattoed on his finger. It's metric. My hero

[@ohokcool]

You're *so good* at taming wild animals

[@ELSTEVO210]

Gotta chew a coca leave at that height

[@deepgardening]

40 nice leaves packed in your cheek one at a time, each moistened, and add some illipta- walk those hills all the day long, no problem, mon. Never feel dizzy or cold.

[@prescott5328]

Banger

[@DirtyRobot]

I wish I was a rich guy, I would fund a month long trip to Borneo and Sumatra just to enjoy your enjoyment of the ecosystem.

[@Kavukamari]

that green mat is really weird, thanks for showing me, i never knew something related to carrots could look like THAT

[@_NewtonMeter]

i wanna touch those azorella compactas. the texxture looks interesting af. and from far away it almost looks like those flower foam things

[@gthomas1421]

I appreciate the work you’ve done. Thank you.

[@jasminewood395]

How long you gunna be down there man? These are so good! If you did a vid a day for a year down there I still wouldn't be bored... There's so many great areas to botanize in that region ...

[@Manofmanyfaces12]

10:00 nice effect. More magnification type shots please ireally enjoyed that

[@jasminewood395]

Yes! I was dying for a mag shot of that malvacea at the end. That was a banger too!

[@deanschlichting1623]

Really digging the videos, enjoy seeing that moisture (or lack of) moisture gradient. Funny as hell, as always. Do not fear poaceae start with warm season grasses in SE Arizona or northern Sonora after the monsoons. Interesting and gorgeous grasses and lots of em. Get A.S. Hitchcock, manual of the grasses of the us and go fucking nuts. You will not regret it. 😎

[@jerl57]

Glad I'm not the only one who wishes he would showcase more "graminoids." I'm only 30 years old, so I don't think I've reached senility yet

[@nashton9964]

Those blobby plants were really cool to see, didn't know anything like that existed, and in such varieties, too!

[@reginafallangie2867]

I had to repeat the last few seconds back because at first I didn’t hear u tell me to go fuck myself. U said it so quick. I feel the love when u say it & it woulda broke my heart not to hear it. 😘

[@taleandclawrock2606]

Cute little Asteraceae, " does it make you feel, less homocidal"? Thank you for forever changing the botanical snobbery of mainstream:-))

[@opl500]

"Fractals make you feel smart"

[@craighoover1495]

I saw as a child that Charles Darwin was buried in Westminster Cathedral. Sort of took many years to understand why that happened. Something worth internalizing.

[@cybeermancom1]

Never met a german offended by imitating dialect, we even laugh about how stupid we sound about eachother

[@RazsterTW]

Krankenwagen!, Fleischball.

[@opl500]

those subtitles "bringing cocaine to port"

[@TheIndigodog]

I saw a family of 5 leaving the Walmart all in matching snuggies ( it was cold ). I thought it was a cult at first.

[@dbrowne9341]

OMG what a wonderful ep thankyou!

[@kristinkulman1354]

7:40 Aren't those the specs for a green roof? Intense UV radiation, high temperature fluctuations, and extreme cold. This is AWESOME. I've learned a little about some of these plants, but it's amazing to see them in habitat.

[@alejandrorobles6865]

Amazing plants, adaptation at its best

[@Thylamis]

the indigenous people use the llareta to warm their houses, the goverment had to pass a law only permitting to use dead ones. it's a pleasure to learn from you.

[@Smileyson58]

The highest I’ve seen anyone get while being straight

[@thewolfin]

Hey, don't assume his sexuality!

[@Ariccio123]

19:15 easily my favorite non-botany part of this video

[@jasminewood395]

I don't think I could stand to see it done but id LOVE to see cross sections of those mats, I'm sure they're 6" at least. ... Fascinating

[@geomundi8333]

seeing vicauna in wild habitat... it makes me wonder if they go to bathroom in a "litter box" area in nature not just to avoid parasite but also to conserve the very sparse plant matter and maybe to somehow enhance plant growth. Maybe somehow concentrate nutrients and somehow spur succession? Something to think on.

[@Killercreek]

It's great hearing your hypoxic accent at 14.5k ft

[@edwardlittlefield447]

Thank you for making all of your botanical videos for us. The quality is fantastic and I love the humor too! Thanks!

[@-vermin-]

Azorella , nice. I was fortunate enough to get a first hand look at Azorella macquariensis before it's all gone.

[@darfjono]

those green rock-covering guys are the weirdest shit i didn't know i liked

[@alisonburgess345]

Any idea of the annual rainfall up there? Why no big shrubs or trees I wonder.. 🤔

[@silverblotter4444]

hey man! it would be really nice to see you in the arctic tundra canada... canadian shield