Kiese Laymon on Masculinity, Body Dysmorphia, Abuse and Addiction | Conversations

Read Kiese Laymon's "Heavy": amzn.to/2OaUMkc
HELP ME MAKE MORE VIDEOS ▶︎ / forharriet
GET SOME MERCH ▶︎ ShopForHarriet.com
CONTACT KIM ▶︎ kimberlynfoster.com @KimberlyNFoster\[e-mail]
JOIN THE NEWSLETTER ▶︎ USA: Text FORHARRIET to 33777
Canada: Text FORHARRIET to [phone]

[@ForHarriet619]

Get exclusive content on Patreon! Patreon.com/ForHarriet

[@Nikki-ks6wi]

[@Juiceharlot]

I love that he said "sometimes accountability is leaving people alone."

[@AndreasTabuMuntu]

I felt that!

[@CaptHowdy1155]

I did my ex wife wrong, but kept trying to reach out to her. Even made the mistake of trying again a month back. This taught me I was wrong even though my heart meant well.

[@boricua584]

I have never in my life have heard someone be THIS vulnerable, period. That’s not even a bad thing, it’s encouraging. It’s not even about him being vulnerable with Kim but himself. I am working on even giving my own self the space to be this vulnerable with myself. Not even finished, but this is on of the best things I’ve ever heard.

[@boricua584]

53:50 as a person who is in therapy, yes yes yes. That is the scary part of it, you get comfortable in your pain even if you don’t like it. Which then goes back to self worth, feeling worthy enough for positive change. This podcast was so good. Every. Single. Black. Person. Needs. To. Hear. This.

[@yogentrax]

Periodt lol

[@jelissasmith6971]

Thank you Kim for saving me from complete boredom 😂😂😂

[@kerlynejean-baptiste62]

Jelissa Smith Right! This rona quarantine is a lot!

[@CrazyAmbitious11]

“The way I loved my Mama is the way I THINK you are supposed to love” Powerful.

[@k3sh1a21]

Needed to hear something outside of the virus! Thanks 🙏🏿

[@julenerobinson5998]

This is one of my favourite conversations. The honestly was intoxicating and humbling.

[@Jaimelikegem]

Same kim. When I see men who look "perfect", I see something that's wrong too. Perfection comes at a cost to your mental health. Its paradoxical bc they fuel the fire for regular or fat men to begin the cycle of hating their bodies too bc they aspire to look perfect, not knowing that the men they're trying to look like arent actually happy with their bodies either. They're always looking for something to improve or new ways to maintain. My ex was a D1 athlete for track and when he was off season, hed casually says he's fat. It always threw me off guard bc we all know what fat men look like and D1 athletes, off season or on season, aren't them. Then incidentally, I dated a fat guy (big guy) and hed work out about 3x week with his PT and even when he was losing weight (hed lost about 20 lbs), he wouldn't be very congratulatory towards himself bc he didn't look like those men. We live in a fat-phobic nation that aggrandizes workaholism and perfectionism. I think when we see the "perfect" body we all know that it takes a lot of struggle to achieve and maintain that body and we glorify that struggle, to denigrate ourselves for not working hard enough. Our bodies when we were fit are a physical, breathing, walking display of hard work. Ppl cant see our degrees, or years of therapy and self growth, or houses and possessions, our Instagram followers, our jobs and successful careers but they can see our figure. And I think that's why we put so much emphasis on it and so many of us have body dysmorphic issues. Bc we don't really see our bodies as functional but representational.

[@unicornmama8421]

I was not familiar with his work but just downloaded the book. I was in tears within the first 20 minutes of reading.

[@pinkybuddycleo]

So I have to wait until I'm 40 to find a man that's accountable for his actions...love that for me

[@ddacoe0]

Idk, perhaps...perhaps not. We've all got our crosses to bear lol.

[@k.alvarado6237]

Nah that’s too old. Date the self aware 40 year old when your 30-35.

[@tahtz20]

Lol that's one of the things I said to myself while listening

[@Ilikefrogs..]

Men who aren't black exist, fyi. Black people have a lot of baggage to work through, so it sometimes takes us awhile to figure things out. You aren't obligated to wait for that. If you meet a white, asian, indigenous or latino man, who has his shit figured and is a LEGITIMATE feminist/ally (not a performative feminist), then don't feel bad for taking that romantic opportunity.

[@ddacoe0]

I don't look at it as him commodifying harm, but rather commodifying honest attempts at healing. Which to me is a good thing.

[@shantiaelise]

Yeah, I don't care for how this interviewer navigated speaking with him and making it more about black women than about all the intersections of his story

[@yanimadeit]

I interviewed him two years ago in Minneapolis. Just a super transparent human being.

[@reginaldfairfield]

👋🏿 Where can we see it?

[@izzywizzyfromthefiz]

I'm enjoying the increase of collaborations on the channel.

[@priestesstapes]

"That desire to be broke..." WOO! Felt that.

[@dominiqueross6129]

This was one of the greatest interviews I’ve seen. I loved that he was sooooo honest about the complexities of so many topics. Nuance is so difficult for people to explore and he does that soooo well. I almost felt like during the interview he was coming to realizations. It just seemed so authentic. Loved it.

[@ddacoe0]

My heart goes out to him. For his honesty and transparency! He's awesome!! I love seeing sincere, genuine and courageous people like him who aren't afraid to go there! Big ups to you Kim for curating this kind of space for us to have these important conversations!

[@rashida9693]

I'm only 10 minutes in and I have to pause to say how much I am loving this conversation. The honesty of admitting that maybe he still is not making the right decisions and hearing him find the right or most accurate words to express himself is great. I am truly enjoying the interview series 😁. A round of applause to you.

[@trentjohnson6333]

Not to get off topic but it has always been a thorn and trigger for me when kids or adult kids especially in the black community feel they need to respect their parents or love them or be their for them when they have never did any of those things for them.

[@olly2027]

Trent Johnson they are doing what the Bible said.

[@trentjohnson6333]

@@olly2027 well I believe that sometimes following the bible is detrimental to common sense.

[@LimitlessBloom]

I think sometimes people do that as part of the healing process by forgiving them

[@kaelyn8466]

I initially signed up for Patreon to hear this conversation, but it's great that you uploaded it on KZbin :)

[@ForHarriet619]

You're the best!

[@sashapollard92]

A coworker of mine was a personal trainer. He was so skinny, you could see the bones in his face. He was literally anorexic. I know this because when I was in crisis care, I seen and anorexic woman and she was skin and bones. He broke up with his girlfriend who he moved out of town with and changed his life for her. In the end it didn't work out and they were living together but they were parting soon. It took a toll on him bad. I hope now that they are away from another, all it well. He told me he was going back to his hometown with people that actually care about him still to this day. It was sad to see.

[@serenity6831]

Omg!! Finally I get to see this interview!!! Thank you for posting this ❤️ Btw: Heavy was breathtakingly raw and beautiful. Kiese Laymon is an artist!

[@alfredallen5591]

I wish the conversation could have been longer. Listening to him for the allotted time deemed standard or reasonable always leaves me wanting more. Like the surface wasn't scratched deep enough.

[@mini.ko.]

I find myself coming back to this interview because its just so raw and deep. Thanks for this.

[@heyyahhh655]

I’m no longer bored 🥺 I’m happy now!!

[@loveheals6184]

Yay!!!! Kim and Kiese??? OMG, what a beautiful, wonderful way to end my day! Thanks. 😊❤️🙌🏿

[@keilime7]

Whew, Kim, thank you for sharing this conversation with us 🙏🏾 I wasn’t familiar with his work before this, but I’m about to go in!

[@itsyourgirltee3754]

Still dont understand how this channel doesn't have over a million subs. Every black woman needs a sister like Kim in her ear🤞🤞

[@YummyLix]

He said you were like Oprah, LOL, obviously, you need your own talkshow Kim! What really grabbed me from this interview was when Laymon said that the way he loved his Mother may be the way that he is supposed to love. He would not ever imagine trying to harm his Mother. Imagine if all men took that mindset into their relationships?

[@reginaldfairfield]

I AM IN LOVE! Kim, you came through as always. Top-notch questions and insight. And Kiese is amazing. That voice. I have to have and read "Heavy" and I want to hear more from him.

[@cawknee]

Notification squad wya?! Kim, your content keeps me floating and practicing my fins to swim! (especially right now, it shall pass) Thank you for sharing this with us. 🙏🏾 Such a frank and honest dialogue. I was delighted and surprised really to hear that first response and the distinction of a ‘good person’ and a ‘good dude’ especially having seen myself and other black women *personally hurt by these so called ‘good and woke dudes’ whose careers hinge on their perceived enlightenment all the while both the seeds and fruits bitter.

[@poposterous236]

That was intense, loved it.

[@grayspace5638]

KIMMMMMMM!!!! This is literal GOLD🙏🏾🙏🏾, thank you.

[@kevspeaks8071]

Omg. This is SO good! Kim made a point at the end about body dysmorphia that BLEW my mind. Soo good.

[@DeeZeeTayy]

That interview was amazing. I actually watched on patreon and then went and read his book Heavy. I'm excited to relisten now that I've read that book!

[@ikbennorine]

This is one of the best memoirs I read to date!! Thank U for this wonderful interview 😘

[@dominiquethomas9603]

I love him! And you! Lawd this excellence

[@intherapture]

Just finished this audiobook a couple weeks ago. MAN, HEAVY was such an accurate title. A really well written, difficult, awesome book.

[@EmDe69]

Thanks for the terrific book. Please keep the "recommendations" coming.

[@herbyxrevolus]

Such a great open and honest discussion. Loved it

[@omangisharon]

This was so refreshing.

[@tiedtruth1071]

This was incredible. Thank you and him

[@MyWorld-xw6ic]

Tuned in as soon as i saw kiese! Y’all had such great chemistry. Aww man, as I type i realize it’s a rerun.

[@cross75man75]

If I could do only one thing in this life, it would be to have every black person between the age of 15 and 35 hear this conversation. The impact it would have on many, "not all of course" but many would make it worth while.

[@uluvjordan]

Thank you so much for this quality content.

[@mawnee3000]

An amazing amazing interview!!!

[@queitann1]

That WAS an AMAZING INTERVIEW

[@MsBabygirl1920]

This was an awesome interview!

[@ntwadumela1777]

Thank you for this!

[@msandrews87]

Kim!! This was so good! I've honestly never heard of him but I will definitely look into him. This was such a raw conversation. I loved it, thank you!

[@Grace1708]

His books are incredible! Also, the audiobook version of "Heavy" is so good.

[@msandrews87]

@@Grace1708 thank you. I will check them out.

[@BrendaGarcia-mi3lc]

Thank you for this! So authentic

[@rizziequeen5253]

The last thing Laymon said about his relationship with his Mom being better, but a long way to go was really inspiring for me. It's like, I'm also trying to work on toxic relationships and dynamics and it's so fucking hard. And there's definitely been improvement, but it's been slow and small, nothing like the immidiateness that we come to expect from Movies' where trauma is healed in a 10 minute conversation. It's nice to know that I'm not alone, and that it's normal for shit to take this long, and to have incomplete happily ever afters.

[@kikibara1]

I had to read Heavy for a class last year, it was amazing! Im so excited to listen rn

[@natalieknight8695]

Really enjoyed this.

[@jbzen1]

OMG! Two of my favorite people!!

[@Cutejazz1]

Kiese say that SHIT LOUDER....reading Audre Lorde and Bell hooks as an 18-year old changed my life, shifted my cognition, sharpened my thinking, and deepened my commitment to understanding and articulating my Black experience in America. I thank God for their literary voices....

[@Grace1708]

I adore him.

[@CommunitySage]

This was SUPER DOPE

[@dogblues4829]

Awesome Content 🙂

[@bernie4952]

EXCELLENT!!!!! Thank you.

[@ForHarriet619]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@CosmicGlitterGoddess]

I see so many men I know currently, and formerly, in his answers to your questions. I see a bit of myself in it as well. It took me a bit to get through this, but it was worth it. This is something a lot of people need to hear to, maybe, encourage self reflection, and possibly, seeking therapy, which is stil very taboo in the black community.

[@knatt405]

Got me punching the air and I'm only 7 minutes! 🤓🖤🤩

[@stefanopatton1809]

I published a book and before that I use to do spoken word performances that talked about my mother and I relationship. The greatest gift she ever gave to me (and that includes giving birth to me) was little me do my art be completely honest and true. Her and my father.

[@kriskenard]

These longer videos are great for making supper to

[@funnyfoxbird]

Tough topic but at least we’re getting videos on YT again.

[@JustJRR]

Really important conversation. What I will say is that it's not enough for us men stop at talking about these things. We have to change our behavior and mindsets, point sexist things out to our male counterparts in particular and model that.

[@TheTrinijane]

Wow! Just... WOW

[@briannaj528]

I just realized we have the same glasses

So salty I just spent my monthly audible credit before seeing this video. Shoot I may go ahead and pay full price. He's very insightful and I love his self awareness and willingness to keep learning and improving himself as a person first.

[@omozeidehenre239]

Neytiri Chanté use Libby. Books are free.

[@omozeidehenre239]

Neytiri Chanté use Libby. Books are free.

@@omozeidehenre239 Good looking out! ❤

[@femkemargot1611]

incredible

[@erikjj235]

I listened to the whole audio. Loved it! The only thing that made me feel uncomfortable was how many times he said the 'N' word. 😐

[@reginaldfairfield]

Talking with a peer allows him the freedom to be comfortable. And open.

[@eliken7344]

Can you do a review on Madame C. j Walker series on Netflix

[@TheAudraReins]

See...I prefer a chubby man. Perhaps it's because I'm HELLA skinny. I feel protected and safe with a chubby dude🤷🏾‍♀️

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

I'm the exact opposite 😂 I'm currently obese & working on losing weight, but I've always preferred tall (at least or taller than my 5'10" self with heels) & lanky men, or those who have a tight, lean, muscular physique. It's the height that makes me feel safe; I don't want to dwarf my man and I love snuggling 😅

[@tahtz20]

@@theshunnedBandersnatch omg! I feel the same way. I'm 5'4 and I love tall men too.

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

@@tahtz20 Yes, tall boys for the win 🙌🏾

[@meeka59]

I'm not hella skinny but I do like chubby dudes 😍

[@1saxophone]

I HATE I never met him when I was at OleMiss!

[@menmade]

Girl u gotta watch self made on Netflix!!

[@reneeb3861]

Wow!!!

[@reverentreader4925]

Kiese!

[@amarixolarasin9795]

Where's the downloadable content?

[@sevenjoelove]

Giving away everything i had because i didn't think I was worth it

[@maedingmusic6913]

fuck this is good!!!!!

[@LayneLovesThings]

Super hot take alert: apparently everyone with a “healthy” BMI has issues with body dysmorphia. So glad to hear that absolutely no one will take seriously the issue of over-processed foods and the over-prevalence of meat in your daily diet. Definitely a well rounded and thought out description of reality. /s

[@Discofoxx1]

Wauw

[@brookediablo3600]

Nice

[@seraphina2293]

Kim: *(asks question)* Kiese: *(high voice ensues)* Me: oh boy... hear we go....

[@mikasjewels5772]

Kim, did you shoot your shot? Lol.

[@reginaldfairfield]

We wanna know!

[@omozeidehenre239]

Kim sounds different in this interview. Lol. Is it just me?

[@jessekeiser100]

Okay, but I caught that vibe too! Love it