FNAF: SB REWRITTEN - CH 1 (AO3 WRITTEN VERSION AVAILABLE!)

[@kiwiqueen138]

Hey everyone, it took a long time in a whole lot of work, but I’m finally ready to start releasing my FNAF: SB rewrite! Tell me what you think so far :D LINK TO NEXT EPISODE: kzbin.info/www/bejne/bJK1np14m7WFhqM Link to previous episode: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fHjEdZyDp8SJbbM Link to full playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLKMzqZUiHWUjzZj0jfJym1CTORp4rdEDD LINK TO WRITTEN VERSION: archiveofourown.org/works/45445291?view_full_work=true

[@azulathesunmoonsimp8939]

At the small break, I LOVE WHAT YOU’VE DONE WITH THE STORY EEEEEE!!! >w< AND I’M SUPER DUPER EXCITED FOR THE NEXT PART!!! CAN’T WAIT TIL NEXT FRIDAY!! GOLD STARS FOR YOU!!⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[@EthanMcBacon]

next friday??? i can't wait! begin the HYPEEEEEEEE!!!!

[@icyferaligatr9908]

This is absolutely amazing, I love the details and realism of all this. So far this is a stellar direction and i'd love to see this made into a game. Though it would probably be extremely cutscene heavy. You've got a knack for writing really well, and cutting through all the BS that Security Breach begins with. Really streamlining the story and getting to the Daycare much faster. I also love the bit of characterization we've gotten from the 4 animatronics. Chica being an optomist, Roxy being pissed and doing something to herself while Monty is basically the same with him throwing shit in anger. And Freddy being the massive ray of sunshine that he is, him encouraging Gregory made me smile and also chuckle at how he was cut off. Can't wait for part two, looking forward to it!

[@icyferaligatr9908]

Oh and to add onto my self, I absolutely love the lore and characterization. I would love to openly speculate and theorize, but I feel like it would be bad to do it here and continuously ping everybody in this section. But I will have to say that whatever you're setting up with Vanessa and her brother, as well as the chip are super interesting. I'm already theorizing to myself about what it all means despite not having all the pieces in true fnaf fan tradition.

[@gnarlyagent594]

This is really well done. I listened to your other rewrite and it was my main occupation for almost 2 years give or take, when I listened to this, it did not disappoint, the sound effects give you a better idea on what's happening, the world building it magnificent, and the way the characters talk make them seem almost human so you can connect with them better, you thought this through very deeply and made a masterpiece, you get a gold star ⭐.

[@sindraile5128]

36:48 The sudden loud "You did it!" Startled me just as it did Gregory. And the subsequent door slam cracked me up.

[@Jaded_Jasper]

the 'REWRITTEN' line returns!!

[@heavenlyNoomba]

Faxs

[@cycloneabsol9405]

"FREDRICK FIVENIGHTS FAZBEAR!" oh my god did you seriously just make Freddy's middle name "Five nights"? Like "Five Nights at Freddy's"? I mean, it works, you beautiful genius.

[@Alice_The_Person3707]

Yesss I love itt

[@bonzey9895]

What a great start! I like how so far Vanessa seems like a exhausted security guard so far. And i like how Gregory is more realistic than in a game where he's just a straight up SAVAGE (and yeah, if i were Gregory, i would also not follow Freddys plan)

[@rosefire7231]

Why what was wrong with freddys plan?

[@The_cool_duck]

NO WAY! SOUND EFFECTS! we're really moving up in the world! Odd question, but if you ever need a voice actor for any readings, I'd love to contribute to this already awesome series 💚

[@freedomroses]

Can I too?

[@littemissnora6915]

Me too?

[@Alice_The_Person3707]

I’d love to aswell

[@funkyman9283]

the scanning sound effect is so funny istg i LOVE it sm and this series

[@BaneOfMyExistence1929]

47:45 Vanessa mom-calling freddy never fails to crack me up 😭

[@Rais-Codex]

Fredrick "Five Nights" Fazbear was such a great tension breaker one-liner.

[@jackusy3414]

I can imagine Freddy getting lonely and using the faz watch to talk to him self like: “Hello! This is me!” “Hello me! How are you?” “I’m good, and you?” “Good!”

[@SuiteDevil7]

I was around for the SUF rewrite almost from the start so I’m glad Kiwi isn’t pushing as hard as they did with that one. 50+ episodes and multiple animatics was definitely too much for one person.

[@sunnyesir6733]

THIS IS AWESOME! I’ve never played any FNAF games, nor have I been much of a fan up to this point, so being able to catch onto the story quickly was a nice surprise! You did a really great job on this, and I can’t wait to see what comes next!

[@bonelessfae4041]

i love this!! and i noticed and loved from the start that this gregory acted more realistically as a child this whole thing so far is a great take on the story, looking forward to more

[@myaursus247]

I actually think the Pizzaplex closing at 9 makes more sense than it closing at midnight. it's a children's pizzeria! it has no business being open that late, and opening at 9 also feels more reasonable for such a business, so I actually think its a positive change outside of compensating for the size of the content. what I'm confused about is why Roxanne is a fox now instead of a wolf? but all in all, this was great! after the abysmal writing of the original game, I knew I needed a fix-it fic or something and this is just what the doctor ordered! thank you for making this and keep up the good work.

[@meganpicozzi2922]

I'm speechless! If security breach needed to change, I would use this! The characters look great, the story should be published! Speech...less! Im so excited for Friday! Love. It. So. Muchhhhh! Thank youuu! This is why your one of my favorite KZbinr a! Keep up the amazing work!

[@Alice_The_Person3707]

Kiwi 2 years ago, when she finished the SUF rewrite: *IM NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN!* Kiwi now: I’m doing it again.

[@lumisherbert5682]

I'm at 20:45 and OH MY GOLDEN RETRIEVER This is amazing! Y'know those really good books you read where you can see the character really well in your head without that many images of them? This is like that, BUT BETTER :D. I should probably stop typing now, but this is really good! ^w^ Edit: I FINISHED IT and the results are conclusive, its great ^w^

[@matttale7918]

“YOU DID IT!!!” “AGHHH!?!” Startled me but also was funny as hell, loving this so far 😁

[@Sapphire864]

This reminds me that, in the later chapters, it says the place ends at 6:00 a.m., while here (and in the earlier chapters) it says it at 9:00 a.m.

[@kiwiqueen138]

The place doesn’t open at 6 AM, it’s just that the managers arrive at 6 AM. They still have until 9 AM to get the place ready for customers. 6 AM is just when the first humans of the day enter the building :)

[@Sapphire864]

@@kiwiqueen138 ah, i see. i just got confused by the comment "this thing needs a full 12 hours" or smth like that

[@arty_d2871]

I am really enjoying this so far, I really loved ur Steven universe future rewrite and loved how u didn’t completely ruin the source material. And although I’ve never actually looked into FNAF that much, I just know the basics, I just know ur going to make this rewrite awesome!

[@cycloneabsol9405]

Going back through the series, and I'm just realizing what a DAMN good job you did setting up Monty. *Spoilers for Chapter 9* You show him angry, and then never actually have him appear again, only hearing stuff from his room. At this point, he seems like he'd be the most terrifying member of the team (and to people who've played the base game, that would check out), which is why it comes as such a surprise when he's way more chill (partially on account of the chip not working) when Gregory actually talks to the Gator.

[@DreadPirateElla]

AHHHHH IT'S SO GOOD!!!! Vanessa is being so suspicious wtf I don't trust her at all 😭 And I love what you did with Gregory!!! It makes so much more sense that he'd be terrified rn

[@spiritofchaos58]

ohhh i LOVE this! I'm so glad you decided to record this; not only do i get a great story, but i get a great story i can listen to while cleaning! Im loving this so far, and im so excited to see where it goes

[@denominator4663]

Fredrick five nights fazbear KILLED ME

[@Alice_The_Person3707]

Sometimes I like to rewatch the series waiting for the other episodes to come out. I’m also talking about this to my friends at any point I can, but one was too stubborn to watch, and the other couldn’t because she doesn’t have KZbin and because of how long the episodes are. But I’m sure that my friends that love SB would love this!

[@cacaumassipanoficial6203]

I've never had much involvement in this franchise, but this game in particular made me curious, since it's such a big place would it be possible for Gregory to find somewhere to hide until 6 am? I'm sure a lot of people in this situation would do the same, and the way Gregory talks in the game shows that he knows that people disappear and that a lot of things there are dangerous, so why take the risk? There could be an ending where we just wait and leave, and unlike the other ending,Vanny doesn't find us but the feeling would still be kind of sad.

[@kiwiqueen138]

I’ve fixed those flaws in my rewrite, so if you would like, you can stick around to see how I work around those :) The biggest question - why Gregory is even in the Pizza-Plex if it’s dangerous - gets answered later. But the main reason why Gregory can’t just stay in one place until morning is because Vannie has access to the cameras, and if she goes for most of the night not being able to find Gregory, she would eventually just go get Roxy so she can see him through the walls and track down exactly where Gregory is. So I’ve sealed up that plot hole too - the one where people ask why Gregory didn’t just stay in Freddys room the whole night lol Sorry, I’m just really excited to show you what I did and I’m hoping that you won’t be scared off because those specific questions haven’t been answered yet as of now :)

[@cacaumassipanoficial6203]

@@kiwiqueen138 I will accompany

[@cacaumassipanoficial6203]

@@kiwiqueen138 in the original game it didn't work so well, in that part where Vanny is around at least, Gregory could easily hide and Vanny couldn't find him 😅

[@JotaroKujo-ip5wb]

Yeah idk why Gregory didn’t just hide the entire time

[@Blue_Violet5449]

Dude. It's already a MASTERPIECE. I will be listening to this as I write. I love the differences, the voices, the script, everything! The only minor thing was how you talked a little fast at some points but other than that it was awesome! Can't wait to listen to the next part later.

[@roxyfoxczyt3424]

33:22 Holdup since when culd cockroaches die?? Anywas amazing also the sentence above is supposed to be a joke kinda... AMAZING VIDDEOO I WAITED FOR THIS TOO LOOONG AND ITS WORTH IT!

[@azulathesunmoonsimp8939]

I AM VIBRATING WITH EXCITEMENT!!

[@Astro0831]

this needs to be a real podcast, id listen to it non-stop. I just love Kiwi's voice

[@cycloneabsol9405]

Holy hell, I was not expecting you to post this to come out so soon after the prologue! Not complaining tho

[@heavenlyNoomba]

I hope everyone see you're rewrite👍🏾

[@Sl33pyH3ad]

OMG OMG OMG IMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGGGGG Kiwi, i loved loved loved you SU:F rewrite, SO. MUCH. I watched it everyday, i still watch it to this day, and your rewrite is slme of the best art ive ever seen!! And now fnaf??? Ive been a fnaf fan for years, IM SO EXCITED!!! THANK YOU KIWI, SO MUCH!! Ill edit this message when im done eith this :D This was awesome! And i love the sound effects you threw in! Your getting even better at writing and va, im so happy you were able to make this :D Edit: thanks for hearting my comment :)

[@brendaleno5191]

holy crap im just happy u finally done it is been 100 of years since i watched one of ur channels

[@Sageknot]

I'd like to say that while I would like it if you got different voice actors for the characters, the sound effects largely make up for it. I'm not a person who needs help imagining things but the little noises and loud clangs make this so much more lively. Also, you get your tones across really well so I don't mind it being voiced by only you.

[@Macy_Playz]

I don't know why but I want to give the Roxy from this AU a hug

[@connieflorey4288]

You are literally my inspiration as a writer tysm!!

[@STARS_SHIMMERS]

OH MY GOSH!!! this is soo good kiwi!! cant wait to tune in next friday!!

[@Alice_The_Person3707]

Me at the very beginning before the rewrite even starts: *EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

[@rosykindbunny1313]

NO WAY! IT'S FINALLY OUT! SO EXCITED! I CAN'T WATCH NOW, UNFORTUNATELY, BECAUSE MY SCHOOL PLAY IS THIS WEEKEND, BUT I'LL WATCH IT AS SOON AS I CAN! Edit: GREAT FREDERICK FIVE-NIGHTS FAZBEAR, THIS IS GREAT! I HAVEN'T PLAYED THE GAME, BUT I BELIEVE THIS IS A GREAT INTRO!

[@the_demon149]

Nice! I really liked the reference to Sister Location.

[@hamzainium]

"FREDRICK FIVNIGTS FAZBEAR" holy shit thats great

[@crimsonsilvermoon]

HOLY--- almost an hour long!!

[@YourLocalADHDGal]

OMG!!!!!! you did SUCH a good job I love this soooooo much!!!!!!💜💜💜

[@m0n0b0ix]

ITS HERE, ITS HERE EVERYONE!w,w

[@LIZZANIMA1]

OMG THIS IS AMAZING DAMN GIRL

[@jacksondesorcy1851]

Freddy's middle name is "Fivenights?!" 🤣

[@soupz845]

This. Is. AMAZING.

[@heavenlyNoomba]

In only 13 seconds there is a Easter egg It's like a black screen With Gray parts

[@Lolajooooo]

BEGGJNG FOR GREGORY ANGST I LOVE HIM BUT I LOVE GREGORY ANGST TOO

[@taiyo-alt1360]

Wait, so according to your description Vanessa is like 2 foot

[@kiwiqueen138]

The animatronics are bigger than they were in the game :)

[@ms22366]

Can i listen to this on Apple Music?

[@astrumcat64.mp4]

RAAGH I LOVE THIS

[@swiftyoooo]

im sorry i just came to this from watching “totally canon fnaf timeline” and jeremy miller- jfajbtnanf

[@Wee_Mewon]

30:50 got a bad feeling I know what-or who-that might be

[@gray.puppet]

Frederick…FIVE NIGHTS FAZBEAR… 😂

[@rosefire7231]

Is Freddy going to be like a father to Gregory here?

[@-DCComicEditor-]

WOOOOOOOOO

[@cycloneabsol9405]

"No one had ever survived a night in Freddy's place." Not entirely true. The series wouldn't be called "FIVE Nights at Freddy's" if the nightguards always died on night 1. Sorry my CinemaSins brain kicked in on that line.

[@gailasprey7787]

Hey!

[@hamzainium]

if the staff bots replace employees then why is vanessa there? hmmm interesting

[@nintendowatermelon6357]

She's security

[@cycloneabsol9405]

46:00 This is a tiny critique, but it annoys me you didn't call this game "Roxy Go Go Go" after the FNaF 2 "Foxy Go Go Go" minigame.

[@kiwiqueen138]

AAAAH THAT WOULD’VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER

[@cycloneabsol9405]

@@kiwiqueen138 Thank you. I'm glad you approve. ♥

[@Alphetawoofious]

NOICE

[@DamariFergusonVids]

Holy SHEET!!!!

[@chunkysundae9418]

LETS GO

[@RobloxKaren420]

Jesus Christ ur so cool

[@zebmoore3671]

Yeeeeeee!

[@ricardocardona9193]

Wait does Gregory have parents in Fnaf Security Breach Rewritten because in the game he was homeless orphan

[@ricardocardona9193]

Also is Freddy possessed by Michael Afton because it makes sense why Freddy is helping Gregory

[@kiwiqueen138]

In the rewrite, he has parents, they’re just not good to him. And Freddy isn’t possessed by Michael Afton, my security breach is completely separate from the rest of the timeline because the previous five nights at Freddy’s story is already completed and there’s no reason to dig it up all over again. My story is made mostly out of original ideas, just because I feel like continuing the original story would be messing up the ending of pizzarea simulator.

[@quackercracker671]

i hate to do this but i must 78th view

[@dylanposadas6415]

Why is RockStar Row different in the book you wrote than the actual game. In game, Rockstar Row is super big like infinite big as we see in the game but in the book you described it as, "He only opened his eyes when new light began to pour in. He blinked, squinting at the video feed as the animatronics leveled out into a brightly lit yellow hall." This makes sort of sense given it looked like this in the first ps4 trailer of Security Breach before changing the hall light blue, but then you described it like this "Flashes of his surroundings came. A yellow wall. Concrete floors. A dead cockroach. And then, on the wall he was coming out of, he saw the twinkling of four brass knobs. The hall felt so much smaller than he’d initially thought it would be. It looked hardly wide enough to allow someone like Freddy to pass. Still, it was empty for now. Narrow, but mercifully empty." Not only that, but why is Freddy wearing pink vest? Why is Roxy's hair black when it should be silver-white, and why is Chica yellow again? Not gonna lie the book got me hooked, but what's with all the inconsistencies? I know it's a rewrite but it would have been nice if you kept the same layout of the game, make it feel like it was actually the Pizza Plex, but hey I'm only on chapter one. Maybe there'll be changes. Great writing by the way.

[@kiwiqueen138]

All the things that I changed have a purpose. Design changes were to make the designs better (Roxy’s OG color scheme was awful lol) and more consistent (it was weird that Freddy was butt-naked while all the others had clothing). And environment changes are to show that behind-the-scenes things aren’t as lavish as they are in the game, as well as simplifying everything so it’s easier to get a picture of the pizza-plex inside your head, since the game’s map was all over the place and hard to navigate :)

[@dylanposadas6415]

@@kiwiqueen138 aw what? Roxy’s design was a nice scheme😅 Red, White, and Purple. C’mon now. Yeah, it was kinda odd how the glam rocks had clothing but Freddy. But what about Chica’s color scheme? Personally I like the white. Makes her more appealing to the fans of the fnaf verse. Other that that, i actually agree with the pizza Plex being difficult to navigate hence why in the beginning of the game we were supposed to use the ultilary tunnels that connect to all attractions to get around easier, but Steam Wolf said “we’re past out deadline. Delete all the fun stuff!” Just without spoilers tell me the pizza plex stays the same like the game through out the book. Monty Golf looks like in the game, Monty chases you in the tunnels in the beginning, The Golden Freddy in the middle of the Lobby, Daycare still has the arcade to the right and theater to the left, El Chips (has for some reason a fucking wall between the superstar arcade when in the RTX trailer it showed they were one room) has that small gate to enter in superstar arcade. Got rid of the elevators and used the doors that were actually supposed to be in before the update, the secret entrances into the West Arcade that was removed but still in files from the original game map. My bad, didn’t mean to add so much, just a huge fan of SB and slightly pissed about them removing so much content before releasing to the public.

[@Webtoon_Nerd]

5,599th view!

[@yoda2114]

more steven universe,pls PLS