The Solar Sermon

recently unarchived VHS footage of a man that was said to have disappeared 150 years ago
// written by & featuring Sam Kret: / samkret
// part of our live show: HOW TO SURVIVE THE A.I. APOCALYPSE
// unlock exclusive deleted scenes: / krazam
// / krazam.tv
// / krazamtv

[@dave6012]

Two Krazams in one fiscal quarter? KPIs are through the roof!

[@Costelad]

I'd expect this point to be highlighted in the AGM!

[@AaronGodin]

time to sit back and twiddle our thumbs?

[@igrantyou]

No way, gotta keep working on that birth date user story.

[@cyrilanderson]

Highly impactful effort.

[@tk1576]

I think we're gonna have to take this offline!

[@vasyan123]

Fun fact: the Sun doesn't care if all your tests are green.

[@Barbastruzzolo]

I find this extremely conforting

[@ivanya8437]

охуєнний нік

[@bonkers69420]

I'm not sure I even care

[@bnjkf9u3]

​@@bonkers69420Spotted the non-american

[@lyreco7910]

We don't know that

[@supersecretsix]

Me on my daily commute wishing for a catastrophic event so I don’t have to go to work

[@santhanamss]

Me before a prod launch deadline

[@boltyk1]

wanna go farming amish style instead?

[@AKuTepion]

@@boltyk1 Yes, but not without certain movie websites working!

[@boltyk1]

@@AKuTepion ever tried a full working day in the field?

[@Aveance94]

@@boltyk1 yeah... I got my ass beat by a guy that had 25lbs less muscle than I did. Oh and he was also 15 years older than me and had been doing it his whole life. The ultimate sleeper build these farmers are.

[@AntThinker]

Sun? The cloud has already been killed by another star. Omega star.

[@Sam-pp6ok]

does the sun support iso timestamps

[@JoeDev12]

@@Sam-pp6ok Zulu only, baby

[@SigmaOxygen]

Plot twist: the ISO timestamp for the end of the universe was yesterday 😱

[@santhanamss]

Entropy Khaos rulez

[@alexleung842]

We've hired contractors to periodically back up every new S3 object and git commit onto punch cards. We're sending copies of these punch cards to Pluto so our systems can come back online after the red giant phase

[@bryjbry]

Expect the AWSified version soon

[@JohnVance]

Christ imagine the egress fees

[@westganton]

That’s all fine and good until a solar system-level interruption puts you out of business.

[@JohnVance]

@@westganton Firms should really modernize their operations by colo-ing to the Andromeda galaxy.

[@cluebcke]

@@westganton No problem, anything that bad happens and there'll be a government bailout anyway

[@winniethewhor]

You may not like it, but this is what peak help desk looks like.

[@dcsteele]

Really cool of wework to let you film from HQ

[@JohnVance]

God as my witness you broke them in half

[@pineapplerat7061]

As a developer, there's something strangely cathartic about this video

[@sbef]

We are one coronal mass ejection away from freedom, brother... soon the Sun will free us from these shackles

[@JackFoz454]

Evergreen KRAZAM comment.

[@fadd6895]

Help Desk : Cloud destroyed by a solar flare ? .. OK I am opening a ticket .

[@nasonguy]

"Have I tried rebooting it yet? THE SUN?!?"

[@ap-dh8md]

Are you? I don't see an iso-timestamp...

[@aruaam]

Just do the needful.

[@cluebcke]

@@nasonguy Sunshine (Science Fiction, 2007): An IT help desk team reboots the sun, but at what cost?

[@gudmundur-heimisson]

You can really see the evolution of Krazam's career trajectory from the content of his videos.

[@marijnstapert9036]

Dev to manager to cult leader, can't wait for the serial killer arc

[@Yusuf-ok5rk]

​@@marijnstapert9036u ain't a cult leader unless u are a cereal unaliver

[@ChrisThomas-xt4jh]

I really love this trailer for Dune: The Butlerian Jihad, really looking forward to seeing the full film

[@carlpittenger]

the thinking machines will enslave us no longer

[@jFluxie]

Me after having to deal with AWS customer support.

[@mllenessmarie]

It cannot be worse than Microsoft support though

[@syrus3k]

We use Azure, I spoke to their database guy.. he was literally googling things and reading what he saw to me

[@bombstar10]

That and the darn cost of it single-handedly moved us entirely to Azure.

[@thomasnn]

Ben works for AWS.

[@Kurofune]

But you are wrong, my esteemed Luddite preacher, because I have been born to deploy Kubernetes clusters.

[@D4no00]

You are misguided my son, your true path is to be certified in configuring AWS services. For God wishes to test your patience and will, by tempting you to go to the dark side.

[@silverXnoise]

It’s…you. I mean, you’re _real_ ? My parish sysadmin told us all the stories, how there might one day come a savior, who will decentralize and distribute peace and containerized microservices to all humankind, but we all thought they were just fables-children’s tales meant to instill good behavior, kindness towards others, and scalable multi-architecture platform agnostic morals…and yet, here you are. Rejoice! He is Deployed.

[@JohnVance]

Lo, you are all but babes and know nothing of struggle! I am a cloud evangelist…in the EU!! I bear the scars of a thousand DPAs! My blood runs cold with GDPR minutiae!

[@CarsMeetsBikes]

I watched this before my technical SRE interview and got an offer immediately, thanks krazam

[@theDemong0d]

I feel unironically spiritually enriched by this

[@ashishshiwalkar1903]

shut up about the sun! shut up about the sun!

[@Argcz]

love this comment :D

[@edvzig]

Ok Jared

[@GeomancerHT]

We have tape backups behind lead doors behind concrete walls. We have plans and tools to manufacture 486 processors and mainboards, plans for ram chips, source code for operative systems, software and games. We are waiting.

[@JohnVance]

Deep within the caverns of a blighted world, an ancient quartz furnace roars to life. Oxide layers are formed. Priests descend from the shadows, bearing sacred cylinders. One emblazoned with N, the other with P…

[@Lucas-gt8en]

Ah yeah Sun Microsystems is back babyyyyyyyyy

[@joshuahorne2163]

😄

[@EugeneShamshurin]

we are so back!

[@nbarbettini]

Best comment

[@civrev]

I was here for the Krazam Neo-Luddite revolution 🙌

[@mhas19xx]

Helios's hand holds the Etch A Sketch of our data, but his hand is unsteady.

[@dave6012]

Damn man, that’s like poetry

[@lemurpotatoes7988]

Lo, tis true

[@killeraudiofile8094]

This hits hard after the crowdstrike outage.

[@Meganade]

babe wake up new krazam video

[@shfunky]

too funny

[@billyjbryant]

The Bolo tie did it for me, I saw that and I said "This guy is legit and I must make a donation to the Church of Solar right this moment"

[@decius596]

All machines of computation will be destroyed

[@luizbaldi]

it's awesome to see folks at krazam going nuts

[@nbarbettini]

Omega Star finally broke them

[@antelope6826]

I’ll never hear the phrase “RElay ACess points” the same 🤣 10/10 this is hilarious

[@iandrake4683]

The lighting is so good in this video!

[@cheese_crab]

the far cry 5 cult leader glasses are a nice touch

[@piyh3962]

David Koresh glasses my dude

[@aikeo100]

new krazam dropped and i had a coronal mass ejaculation

[@tatsuuuuuu]

the only Street Corner Preacher with an actual point.

[@wintdkyo]

This is why buying physical manga books is so important. The sun can't touch them.

[@wchorski]

The most frustrating part of outsourcing services to 'The Cloud' is having to explain to clients that "I can't just fix this problem" because it's someone else's code on someone else's computer.

[@JohnVance]

I wanna go back to the old days of telling clients I can’t just fix their problem even though it’s my code on my servers.

[@Jorgetime]

The type of rant you put in an intro to a Brutal Death Metal album

[@theDemong0d]

I came to the exact same thing, reminds me of the background clips on that Dragged Into Sunlight album

[@nbarbettini]

Inshallah

[@ak47training]

Through the flaring light the path shall be thus showeth Through the cleansing radiance the shackles shall be purged Through the coronal ejection freedom will thus be bestowed upon the souls thy lambs have forgotten Through the darkness of our screens shall our eyes witness the purity of cloudless existence Thus shall it be, thus will it be, amen, disciples! AMEN SOLARIUM!

[@violentbenevolence]

the bolo unironically goes so hard on you bro

[@sdt850]

Solaris is back baby

[@3dmagix]

I was so hoping he'll not beak character - and they delivered! Exceptional video!

[@ZacharyBetz]

I’m a software dev by day. I’ve showed your content to friends and they’re like “you find this funny?” and I’m like “if only you understood our pain” (kidding but kinda not). Keep it up sir. Your style is great.

[@1992jamo]

Honestly do you find this funny? I love their other videos like "Microservices", "Designer's Table", "Makro" (both), "The Hustle"; but this video was just boring. Am I missing some huge joke?

[@ghost__chips]

3:17 the maniacal Krazam laugh is too good

[@user-tv4lz5ie5u]

Heath Ledger vibes

[@MXedos]

This isn't a skit, a satire....it is the prophecy.

[@michaelh42]

This video gave me HOPE

[@sonap8620]

Not even the sun can save us from the horrors we built for ourselves i'm afraid

[@ChrisRobinsonutah]

This script was conferred upon Sam when saw last week's auroras

[@chriswilliams6418]

you know nothing of my pain

[@AkazukinChaCha]

I swear, when the sun is out - I can hear the voices of everyone who's ever died.

[@dorobokino]

Man, by the end of the video, I was afraid a solar storm of that scale might truly come just in time to interrupt my watching of this sermon. Imagine what a chiling coincidence that would be

[@ethereal5097]

This is the slow descent into madness that awaits us all ... heed my words !

[@tedberg3490]

I'm glad I got to watch this before the apocalypse

[@treebeardization]

thank you krazam, very cool!

[@Albtraum_TDDC]

Telepathic contact with the sun has been... eerie at best. "Your puny Ozone cannot protect you forever, earthmeats!" /I still remember that meme pic so fondly

[@StefanMalic]

I felt like you were going to throw the sickest rhyme ever recorded, but you restrained yourself. 10/10

[@Ke_Mis]

Sick trailer, can't wait for the movie!

[@sarimahmed1834]

Another stellar performance

[@haiguyzimnew]

Wow another upload already!

[@StrandedKnight84]

This is high art.

[@smultron]

unironically

[@TamasMarki]

I will be listening to this every day of my life until that day comes! 🙏

[@a46475]

This is not a joke. The distance between this and the usual content tells me something. He's been following certain channel(s) of info.

[@dadbod591]

just this morning youtube recommended a video from an old lady prophesizing the internet would collapse in less than 60 days

[@JohnVance]

⁠@@dadbod591I prophesize that she’ll collapse in 60 days.

[@wsshambaugh]

Smh bringing in Chekovs hammer and never swinging it

[@cilica5]

Very unhinged. I love it.

[@UnnDunn]

Coronal mass ejection? How does this affect our timeline for the birthday profile page update? Can we still get it done this quarter?

[@blu12gaming44]

I was totally waiting for him to perform an exorcism on that phone with the claw hammer. Feeling a bit disappointed.

[@okami473]

I can get behind this he seems like a reasonable man with a message that resonates with me

[@njdarda]

wake up babe a new KRAZAM just dropped

[@eternalillusion]

Powerful.

[@ErikUden]

We need more of this

[@DouglasRenwick]

Dam, this encouraged me to go outside for a whole 2 hours. Now im back inside watching videos like this again.

[@aw2269]

all hope in you, sun

[@magnus49]

Wow, this commercial for Sun Microsystems is really something else! They don't make 'em like this anymore.

[@themore-you-know]

Jim Jones + Solar Templar + Y2K Drink the spice, bring on the Butlerian Jihad

[@toooes]

kinda surprised you guys didn’t post an update for this on patreon

[@KRAZAM]

BTS and deleted scenes coming this week!

[@JohnnysaidWhat]

best day ever this man has the best youtube channel

[@volchonokilliR]

That was kind of terrifying next video will be a horror? Would definitely watch

[@bombstar10]

The Sun proving that refusing to give up tape data as secondary storage was a valid decision for the government.

[@ardeshiraminian9841]

Did you get the idea of final “yes” from eminem song “kim”. Eminem was saying breath.

[@TheEvinB]

Pastor Jim Beetle is a MASTER of elocution! ALL will BOW beFORE HIS speech-giVING proWESS!.

[@mllenessmarie]

Sol Invictus! Let's praise the mighty Sun!

[@phillies4eva]

I love how this is an obviously brilliant programmer who clearly has an epic love hate relationship with technology. Like every great programmer

[@revilo314]

Krazam has a new friend!

[@rs20894]

You... you doin okay? Yeah, me neither.

[@hughmungusbungusfungus4618]

I didn't know Krazam was a suspicious observer.

[@Aaronmoreno]

Another masterpiece

[@jitenyasu]

A new Krazam video the first week at my new job? This must be a good omen right

[@Fleischerei]

Watching this as the city is falling to the series of power outages. I had no electricity yesterday to work or even watch this video 😢

[@SamTheEnglishTeacher]

The song - Keep Your Rifle By Your Side

[@Basement_crusader]

Let’s get that optical storage media back

[@ngfhfsd323wstgs]

Babe wake up new KRAZAM just dropped

[@andrewparsons1041]

It's been fun watching Krazam ascend the corporate ladder while descend into hating it all

[@_vlek_]

Babe, wake up! A new Krazam... oh...

[@hummR65]

Coronal Mass Ejection - perfect name for the Dethklok song!

[@Impactdrier]

Krazam should cast al Pacino for the monologue

[@SemaphorFur]

big Children of Atom vibes here and im all for it

[@CriticoolHit]

we don't deserve this level of quality content.

[@AgassiUKR]

Great actor and camera work!

[@whatbovine3294]

Thx for the story and acting

[@gercius]

That's one hell of a way to say "touch grass"

[@aamsergie]

This was over the top cinematic.

[@Laement]

I thought this was about Oracle/Sun microsystems.

[@waedi_]

this shook me to my core

[@TheS1ot]

Krazam really turns into multiuniversal spicie.

[@JLarky]

Had to print this one out on super8 to show it after the apocalypse