How to be unhappy

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00:00 - Introduction
00:52 - I. Be resentful
02:10 - II. Ruminate
04:33 - III. Fight every battle
08:35 - IV. Sunk cost fallacy
10:58 - V. Be in a constant state of hurry
12:17 - VI Outro
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[@LanaBlakely]

Did any of these points resonate with you? If so, which one did the most?

[@NatureDaydream]

Yes. All of them, especially the third one about self-limiting beliefs (fighting every battle).

[@OnlineLifeGuide]

Hey Lana, really appreciate you touching upon this topic. The 3rd point: Fighting every battle, resonated with me the most. I used to overthink about everything and finding it hard to let go of petty arguments, harsh comments, and disagreements, often fighting these battles in my head for many days after they first occured. Eventually i learned to take things a bit easy and started to let go of such petty things because I realized how important our time and mental energy is to be wasted on such small things that don't matter in the long run. Shifting my perception towards such petty instances really shifted my general state of mind and brought much peace. Thanks again for yet another awesome piece of content!

[@yousraammachi9087]

Most of them, but especially the one about getting into every battle that comes my way, or even seeking battles out. I laughed out loud at how much I resonated with that lmao It's a habit I'm really working hard to let go of

[@joyslosar]

Sunk cost fallacy. 💐💐

[@johndeerman2105]

Wow, I need help. I do each one on a regular basis. What a well done video.

[@AhmetKaan]

*5 things to quit right now:* *1. Overthinking* *2. Trying to make everyone happy* *3. Living in the past* *4. Worrying* *5. Doubting yourself*

[@theredguy8746]

Nervous sweating intensifies.

[@Sarah-ei1rb]

YES OMG

[@julioamador2199]

That's exactly what I'm feeling right now

[@royal3161]

I have all of it 😭

[@snipeed_00]

🙌

[@SamElle]

yikes Im the queen of rumination. I literally still think back about something that happened in middle school and right now I am 25 ....

[@NatureDaydream]

Me too. You are not alone feeling this way.

[@SamElle]

@@NatureDaydream I'm working on stopping it.. easier said than done

[@NatureDaydream]

@@SamElle True. I also have to stop it.

[@theredguy8746]

And I'm the king of it. I'm 23 and every day I can't help but think about an opportunity to get together with a truly wonderful and almost unique girl when I was 16, a girl who was the first person I knew who truly made me see that life can be enjoyed, and I completely messed it up. We both had so much in common and really enjoyed each others company and I feel like we would have been the perfect match, but I was too pushy and needy and eventually came across as awkward so the relationship never happened. All the potential happy possibilities gone up in smoke and I still regret all this to this day. It has made me desperate to see this girl again and apologise for my behaviour and see if any relationship is still possible. I know I should just see that this is in the past and just move on, but I really struggle to, especially as nearly everyone doesn't warm up to me and quickly show that they would like to know me like she did.

[@newworlddisorder7706]

@@NatureDaydream, you should try this way: kzbin.info/www/bejne/haiTnaVsaN5ng9k

[@ShortHax]

In an alternate universe, being miserable is the meaning of life

[@brylealec5381]

in that alternate universe Happiness is so abundant , it made misery their only escape and peace

[@ninjawarrior531]

what alternate universe, i think it is this life - am living it everyday and yet watching her videos.

[@brylealec5381]

@@ninjawarrior531 When I first wrote my reply I thought of this too , lmao

[@seannagapen2109]

No..no..this..this is true...

[@thedude5909]

You mean, in this one

[@launchpadmcquack4971]

Divorced middle aged dude here ✋ This really hit home for me. After my divorce I indulged in all of these things until I became so disgusted with myself and exhausted by it all I had no choice but to stop. What helped me was prioritizing my own happiness, focusing on personal growth and being mindful of the content I allowed myself to consume. Ironically KZbin can lead you down a rabbit hole of toxicity if you aren’t careful. This is where I think a lot of men get caught up in the red pill movement. Anyway I’m rambling. Just food for thought

[@andyc6752]

Learn a trade. A skill

[@AhmetKaan]

You'll watch an entire Netflix show even when the first episodes are slow and boring just because someone told you "it gets better." *But what if you looked at your goals like that and watched your life get better instead?*

[@shyloserkidvlogs6605]

This is wayyyy better than Netflix

[@sighhh2455]

Oh snap

[@RealJamieBarclay]

Ruminating (and overthinking in general), is as if someone slapped you in the face, and then you continue to slap your self in the face another 99 times.

[@aaronlbuchanan9861]

I wasn't expecting this personal attack, thanks for sharing.

[@bunny_citizen7326]

“Keep a list of it. And put it on Notion” I felt it in such many ways

[@AhmetKaan]

*"Everything in life is easier when you don't concern yourself with what other people are doing."* The chances of you seeing this comment is pretty low, but if you did, *I hope you have an amazing day.* 🖤

[@lovingsunshine3515]

So true! Social media has only made it worse bc we compare our insides to other people's outsides, not knowing what obstacles those people had to go through.

[@MrBoxCup]

Some good lines from 'Hurt' by Oliver Tree: I changed my Whole life when I learned to Ignore them

[@shyloserkidvlogs6605]

Thank you for spreading positivity 🙌 hope you all have an amazing day

[@HN-li5cf]

"Solve the unsolvable" wow, she really has a way of articulating her thoughts so wonderfully.

[@unicornsquatbae7430]

Lana, do you know the feeling when you've thought something for a long time and then someone states it perfectly? Because that's you for me. Word for word

[@calebl8858]

Today I've been struggling with resentment. My ex treated me very poorly and I find it difficult to forgive her. But your words today, and on other occasions, have helped calm me and put things into perspective. You have a very soothing presence and a calm, intelligent demeanor. Thanks for all you do. You're awesome 👍

[@nasynasab6850]

I love relistening to this. It’s rare to find KZbinrs that are this chill and realistic but helpful at the same time without being super like “motivation and pressure” intense if that makes sense. Thanks lana!

[@lpssweetumstv8453]

So, I've been aware I'm in a depressive episode recently these months. Getting out of it seemed impossible. But after watching this video, and finding that I've been doing literally all these things and feeling silly, I'm ready to get out of it. Poetically put, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I'll make sure to revisit this video via my thoughts and by watching it when I can. Thank you so much for the video, really! It's crazy how much you can help people. I hope you know.

[@LanaBlakely]

Thank you for reminding me of why I love doing that I do. Thank you for taking your time to share this. I'm rooting for you!!

[@wi1468]

I am guilty of all these negative habits and they have been causing a great deal of unhappiness for me yet I had a big knot of confusion in my head and thus was unable to detect my own issues. I am once again immensely grateful to you Lana for helping me introspect and identify my problems. I’m on my way to sit down and journal all of this through and hopefully figure out some solutions :3

[@ruchik5023]

Everything resonated...felt like someone showed me the mirror. Have always felt agitated looking back at life, pointing at people who did wrong to me...but eventually the reality is what is done is done...all you can learn is - gather yourself, learn your lessons and move on.

[@OnlineLifeGuide]

3 more ways to be SUPER UNHAPPY: 1) Obsessively overthinking about everything. 2) Taking yourself toooo seriously. 3) Not being in the present moment. Living either in the past or in the future. All 3 of these are kinda related in some way and stem from similar thought patterns. If you find yourself stuck in any of these patterns, please make sure to make it a priority to get rid of these patterns right away, or else it is going to lead to a lot of misery down the road. Talking from experience. Shake things up a bit and break these patterns... Hope you have a great day my friend! :)

[@ninjawarrior531]

what if I say, i do all the above 3 points to the core - yet I am happy.

[@Bearedd]

But are you truly happy or is your brain making you think that your happy

[@ninjawarrior531]

@@Bearedd my brain says I'm unhappy, but I say I'm happy - i know it's weird. Coz I need to get a stable job, need to earn lotta money - keep my parents happy - my sisters hate me, my gf is always pissed off with me, yet not breaking up.

[@Bearedd]

@@ninjawarrior531 I hear ya. Going to somewhat of a similar thing

[@OneManArmy144]

Vipassana meditation is THE WAY to directly undo these patterns though, it does it to such an extent that you stop experiencing the world through thought-based knowing, and switch to experience-based knowing . It literally changes your whole life.

[@pulsarchmusic]

no but seriously…. when you said “one day you’ll get to the end of it, and feel like you never attended it”. i’ve already felt that so hard and i’m only 24. that hit me like a truck.

[@elessartelcontar4997]

Great video! All the points hit home. I feel like we learn these lessons on our own time. No matter how many times someone tells us not to do this, we only stop doing it when we do it and learn that it sucks.

[@mihaelaclaudiap..2]

You are so young and still I'm learning so much from you! You are making me reflect and dig more into things, and for an introspective introvert like me that's pure gold! Wonderful Lana! 😁👍

[@zazzaz84]

Quote from Carrie Fisher and the analogy with Super Mario 64 got you my instant like

[@markokircanski9157]

As an INFJ, I'm a natural worst case scenario expert lol! Another good video Lana! :)

[@intentionalliving7326]

It can be cured if we keep being intentional... speaking from experience :)

[@EmmaMel0]

@@intentionalliving7326 what does that mean? could you please elaborate?

[@RosaDaniello]

I love your style when you make videos, like the whole production and the way you film and edit them it's just so you! I remember an old video of yours about being shy / introverted where you said that people easily think you're shy because of your voice, even online through your videos. This statement is still stuck in my head because I've been following you since you had like 30k subs and never once thought you were shy, you just were not loud and I just appreciate that you're experimenting each time with your filming style because it shows and I just love it 💖

[@salvatore.M77]

This video came just in the right time, love you lana!.

[@rekhadekakakati1102]

I love listening to you Lana. I love that sometimes you just answer some questions that are confusing me. Honestly, I think it has been my fav podcast so far. Lots of love from me for making my days better because I love listening to you when I am depressed ❤❤❤

[@ZachPierceRowe]

Being in a constant state of rush is a hindrance of mine, a recent mantra I've taken on is "present, productive, and patient"

[@smoochiepieable]

Beautifully said! Thank you for the warm reminders!

[@benlaidlaw4257]

700K!!!! dope af!!! Just a number, doesn't really matter, but makes me smile to think that a channel that is honestly geared towards helping viewers rather than taking from them, is on it's way to a million. Glad your making these videos, and glad I found them at this point in my life. Never really leave comments, but just thought I'd be the stranger today who says thankyou for making this stuff, and congrats on seven hundo!!

[@TechLead]

So good. Life too short not to be happy.

[@puffpuff5336]

Mr. Tech Lead :D

[@lotuswolf1518]

Too long to stay divorced n stay single 😂😂😂

[@yukidoit]

Very often it's self inflicted. Practicing mindfulness also lets you get aware of it. Hope you have a great day :)

[@TheDedexys]

This was basically what magic mushrooms taught me. What you feed yourself fuels itself in the mind and creates a habit out of it and then you can get stuck. It's all about perspective.

[@TheDedexys]

Surround yourself with as much beauty as possible. It really does make a difference

[@emmanuelagudo4918]

All works of Philosophy and Letters have been so beautifully brought back once you narrate it, as though what it ultimately lacks is your giggle and smiles Lana. This is beautiful.

[@yana.rya_____]

Definitely fell into the sunk cost fallacy a few times in my life!

[@GrayFur]

You were so true on sunk cost fallacy. I mean, so many of us are afraid to leave a crappy job or an unhappy relationship because of how much we've already achieved. You know what I've learned from my recent relationship? Things that have been broken from the start can never be fixed. No matter how much you tried and how much you've already achieved there will be a new issue for every solved one because you cannot fix the core problems that were there from the start.

[@MarkStCyr]

Being in a constant state of hurry is a really well put point. In America, I find we're always in a hurry culturally. Chasing success and money because we believe we'll reach a wealth point where we can enjoy our life and be happy. It's a fallacy, but it's what the culture promotes.

[@lotuswolf1518]

Guess what being financially dependnat on a parent Banknloans Husband Friends etc will make u miserable I know some famous rich people Coz they're not allowed to do whatever coz paps n media is after them N they don't have the freedom To do whatever Id rather make money n not be known by people

[@AbhidevVaishnav]

Lana enjoy your podcast soo much😁

[@followyourbliss973]

I think being content or at peace is a better hope because for me, achieving 'happiness' seems like an unrealistic goal as it suggests life can be perfect!

[@shyloserkidvlogs6605]

The key to being happy is to accept your sadness first 💔 (I did not mean to sound poetic when I wrote this comment lol)

[@bhimpokhrel4059]

Mostly the past incident and decision makes the person unhappy at the present. Sometimes overthinking and comparing others also leads to person for becoming unhappy. If we just want to be happy, we have to forget the past incidents and remove negative thoughts and stop overthinking.

[@fumblefall1282]

I thought you were going to give tips on how to make being generally miserable easier, but I'm still glad I clicked.

[@sahar9530]

I really really needed this ❤️

[@dikshitagoyal3843]

Just came across one of your videos randomly and ended up watching another 10 which were all relatable. So helpful. Thank you for these. Looking forward to watching more!

[@TwoBeesOneWhy]

This video is way more important than it looks like and im gonna save it because im sure it will be those kind of content I would rewatch and understand better.

[@jeimagu]

I needed this

[@Casxa]

Sunk cost fallacy is relatable for me when it comes to my last relationship. Should have ended earlier but we both tried to keep it going cuz we were together for so long. Not worth it. Now I have a mindset of, if my relationship doesn't make me happy anymore, then I should leave. So I don't really believe in happy ever after cuz it's really hard to be compatible with someone for so long when people change throughout the years.

[@Honorou]

"Be selective with your battles. Sometimes, peace is better than being right" derives from "Peace is four times greater than justice", which was said by John of the Ladder (also known as John Climacus/John Sinaites), a Christian monk, in Philokalia number 9. I guess the reference is always "Unknown" and cannot be found for the longer version of the quote because people hesitate to give credits to monks or religious references, sadly.

[@knofi7052]

Lana, I always admire you and your thoughts. The truth is, I really love you for your youtube channel. Always, keep smiling and stay the way you are!

[@DiaboloMootopia]

In the last few months I have come to realise that I have been making every one of these mistakes for about ten years (now aged 35). It greatly harmed my emotional stability, happiness and self-esteem. Listen to Lana about this, people!

[@maybe8985]

I really needed one of your videos rn

[@shravya6613]

Ah damn I didn't know I needed this video! Idk what I was expecting when I read the title lol, but totally worth it and super insightful especially now that I'm recovering from a pretty bad situation that happened a few weeks ago. These points really are pretty good introspective tools to direct me on the right path. Absolutely love the video, keep going Lana! And I really love your doggo Fred btw, such a smol lil floofballl 🥺❤️

[@NatureDaydream]

In order to be happy we have to interpret this video in reverse. We should not fall into resentment. We should stop ruminating, stop fighting, avoid sunk cost fallacy. And of course, we have to slow down. As far as the last one, I have lately been told by family to speed up the search for a job (family pressure). However, I am against the rush. I want to admit that I still unconsciously make myself unhappy from time to time and have self-limiting beliefs. Because of this, the only thing that can save me and all of us is in action. As it turns out, my greatest enemy is hesitation. One dream has come true recently but it was only because I gave a green light to myself and ultimately decided to revisit a big city that I rarely visit (this time with my bicycle). Thank you, Lana, for warning us! Your podcast is also lovely. I apologize for my impatience (the podcast was available sooner than I thought) and any other inconveniences. Waiting for your new newsletter (love letter) and new podcast episode. You are the most beautiful person!

[@alessiasutherberry]

Such a clever title! 👏😂 you are such a positive presence on KZbin. All the points resonated with me! X

[@GeorgiaPeck]

This video is great because it calls you out on the patterns, it gives you some self awareness and with self awareness you can then make small changes to better your mindset :) thanks Lana

[@drsurbhibhanot7397]

Yes 💯 percent these points resonate with me. Again very good and relatable video. I wonder how can you think so much deep and incorporate every detail to tell in simpler words. .Bye the way watching u is a treat in itself ❤️

[@mathedguy]

I am so old that this was not really revealing to me. I find it remarkable that your detailed description of ways to make ourselves miserable is rather comprehensive, and your brief attempt at making ourselves happy fell short. I love your videos. Your extraordinary grace and beauty are astounding. One time I found the daily practice of chi gung allowed me to have better control of my own mind. The training is so simple and enjoyable. It was very helpful. Thank you very much for sharing yourself with me. Wishing for you all good things.

[@Alex-fj3zk]

The greatest way to finish your day is by listening what Lana has to say like you have an authentic conversation with your friend. And it actually gives you a lot of food for thought. A lot of things to reflect on. Thank you Lana!

[@ninjawarrior531]

once i was re-iterating to show off my understanding skills to my gf...she said these exact words "Are you even listening to yourself ? Are you mental ?"

[@Alex-fj3zk]

@@ninjawarrior531 I’m sorry. Honestly, I don’t want to say that but perhaps she is not supposed to be your girlfriend. Deep emotional connection, honesty, and trust are crucial in a relationship

[@sparkee.]

Your videos are sooo calming and soothing. I love your vibe so much. You have helped me a lot! Especially the introvert videos. Tysm! Ily 💟💟💟💟

[@TheKiwiGrower]

Awesome video Lana, loved your quote about constant hurry in life - one day you’ll reach the end of it, feeling like you never attended it. So true 😢 Also, nice avocado plant! 🥑 😁

[@user-xe5jz8om7x]

the ruminate point resonates so well.... great video!

[@cherrymarchena]

I followed you since your very first video. You are such an inspiration!

[@intentionalliving7326]

OMG that is so sweet!

[@inyouall]

It depends what are you referring to happiness?! Happiness that most awar of, is only a state of feelings that only depends of your ego satisfaction and how you deal with your life experiences and desires. The real happiness is getting out of any kind of feeling that ego depends on, letting go of any kind of desires and letting go and acceptance, being above of every meaning that you think who you are or define you as a person...etc

[@raviperera50]

I also tend to hold on to negative emotions. I feel that I've learnt something from this video.

[@DOKSHA-tx1rm]

The most 3 things that make me happy is: 1- Lana Blakely 2- Lana Blakely channel on youtube 3- watching Lana Blakely channel on youtube

[@oshadeena3079]

You are glowing inside out Lana.. You help us to glow too. I'm so grateful to you. 💐💕🍂🌠

[@selenasahawneh8290]

Thank you Lana for this insightful video! :)

[@snipeed_00]

I admire the sarcasm which leads us throughout this video😂

[@ZouhirPlanet]

Hello Waw 😮 beautiful girl🥰. Iwant to be friends🌺

[@ahryanna]

At first I read the title like… huh? But now I get it 😂 thank you for helping us be happy 💖

[@deIcorazon]

we have a podcast omg?? i’m so excited

[@rotemnew6097]

honestly, you’re so wise!

[@intentionalliving7326]

Inner work is so important... otherwise different places different faces but the same 'BS'. The change has to come from the inside out

[@tarteelalii9614]

i love to watch one vid of yours every day before i start studying , I don't know why but for some reason you make me feel that i can reach all my dreams thank you and i hope you post more

[@acgillespie]

*Over the shoulder look.. yea you really killed it*

[@roblebby3765]

I watched another of your videos today and found that you are from Sweden. Your English is impeccable and very impressive since so many Americans can't speak it well themselves. How did you learn English so well?

[@mariah-rv4dk]

always love when you post it’s very therapeutic thank you for always giving a different perspective when it comes to these life topics ❤️

[@ursaeursae507]

A friendly reminder We live once so we must make the must of it , we can feel bad at times but we should avoid drowning too much . Nothing lasts forever so let s create good memories of every second , be nice to our selfs and others so we can be peaceful and concentrate about chasing what makes us feel better and why not happy :)

[@pranayblue]

Lana, I love your videos. Don't stop making them 😭

[@oshadeena3079]

Couldn't resonate more😍 thank you so much for making me aware about my own thoughts and how I should respond to them. You save lives. Thank you so much Lana💐❤️

[@m22maq23]

I really enjoy watching your videos

[@bucketlistadventureskrs]

✨when someone has control of your mind they have control of your emotions, how you view the world, yourself & others...do not absorb, react or respond to abusive personalities...there’s nothing more peaceful than connecting with your own soul, it’s the most powerful relationship you will ever have

[@natemarx4999]

"How to be unhappy." not clicking fast enough on Lana's Sunday uploads.

[@Kidcouger2]

This video was perfect timing, Thank you!

[@swordsnorchids1997]

Being unhappy is easy you only have to look at the state of the world and be surrounded by people (who really suck most of the time).

[@maryhannah9685]

Lana you are glowing! So pretty! :)

[@maeve898]

Lana I love your haistyle. Also thank u for your hard work.

[@clau_sing_]

chasing happiness is probably the number 1 way

[@fatherlucid4995]

I lost my dad today.. someone I loved beyond words

[@mitratawakkul1735]

Sorry for your loss :(

[@sashalena6131]

this was the ✨passive aggressiveness✨ n push i didnt know i needed 😃🤩

[@thomasmineo]

0:50 Alright let's get miserable together. I don't know how you managed to say that so well. In fact the entire video sounded so well-spoken.

[@alfredoistic]

Wow I NEVER COMMENT ON YOUR VIDEOS but I always like them and watch the entire video wow this one is PERFECT good job amazing amazing video and THANK YOU!

[@David-nm6bv]

I didn't go through education as I should have and it made me regret that it was the reason I felt uncomfortable and unhappy

[@Honorou]

The look in your eyes after "hard enough" at 3:37 reminds me of the description of Svoboda's look on his face from the book "Forest of the hanged". It's like the definition of freedom written in your eyes. ^^

[@shivankchopra8552]

Very perceptive and insightful observations. Thanks for this video!

[@Overindulging]

Lana is really a lady of class. Elle est belle et magnifique voix🙂

[@VFire1]

So many people poison themselves with the idea that they can't change something or do what truly will bring them happiness in life.

[@arevkirokian26]

congrats on your new podcast!

[@judeelrayes]

I literally watch these videos like Lana n I are just friends on facetime 🤍 lana: Constant hurry makes life blurry. One day you’ll reach the end of it, feeling like you never attended it. I just made that up. me: GIRL NO WAY, YOU DID NOTT

[@thedude5909]

Trying to solve problems of the mind using the mind, is like trying to fight fire with more fire

[@seannagapen2109]

I have agreed to all of this and decided to stop fighting every problem I see. There are two ways of happiness. One is compare and contrast The other is attract and love For example, it is a coincidence that your black wallpaper is the exact same design as my gold one... I will have to get a new one now..., and ruminate on behalf of this coincidence, on good conscience, of course.

[@sharonhadlow7568]

a couple of points really spoke to me. i saw this video just at the right time. Thanks !!