Life and Loss

Vlog 63
Content Warning: Contains talk on lost loved ones
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•My name is Annabel Margaret though most people just call me Annie
•I am currently living in Washington
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[@samjones9465]

A wise lady told me when my dad suddenly passed - I was talking to him at 1100 and he was dead by 1200 - he wasn't sick his heart just stopped. The grief doesn't go away you just find a way to go on with life with it in your life. Hugs to you and your family in this horrible time x

[@trylliumt5441]

So true Sam...

[@AzhidaReminiec9999]

Annabel ,My deepest condolences for your terrible loss..

[@LunedM]

You said "I can't end this (video) positively", I think the positive ending is your bravery ... sharing and talking... A beautiful tribute. Be gentle with yourself dear girl xxx

[@cherieposluszny6171]

I lost my 27 year old son in May. He was as much my best friend as my son. I resonated with the things you said. It is so hard to believe they are gone. My son whispers to me “just be”. And so I go on. I am living one day at a time, sometimes moment to moment. Grief is enormous. Be gentle with yourself.

[@gabrielablackwell5102]

I am so sorry for your loss❤

[@lostvenus]

Feeling broken-hearted for you. 💔 That must be unbearable sometimes.

[@cynthiaschofield1551]

💜

[@LindyandDevin]

Im so sorry for the loss of your dear cousin. I lost my 19 yr old son in September of 2022. The waves of grief are endless. I pray for you that they become ripples in your life bringing back only the best of memories of your time together. And my deepest condolences to his parents, he will always be with you. 🙏🏼❤️

[@gabrielablackwell5102]

So sorry for your loss ❤

[@LindyandDevin]

@@gabrielablackwell5102 thank you Gabriel

[@YourRoyalMajesty.]

Oh Sweet Annie, I'm so sorry for the loss of your cousin. I hope you can find peace in your heart someday. 🫂 May he rest in Love and Light 💖🕯️

[@poetryinus1110]

my best friend took his own life back in 2013.. id just left for university, coming from a long term unhappy family living situation, so meeting him became a light in my (at the time) dark life... when he took his life it felt like that light went out, but you learn eventually that they're always there, beside you, helping you from the other side.. sending you love and light xxxx

[@meeks4756]

Grief is a unique, personal experience. You gave a beautiful tribute, despite your fear and doubt...or perhaps because of it. You don't have to close anything out in a particular way. Those of us who have known grief know the place that you are in. No words will be of comfort to you, and you will never be the same person as before. And that's okay. You will always have a person-shaped hole in your life, but in time you will build beauty and warmth and comfort around it. For now, just take one day at a time and take care of yourself.

[@rosalacroix6447]

I lost my dad very suddenly, and was very close to the whole situation & his passing. This caused some trauma and made the whole loss that much more traumatizing. I have however been able to process and kept on creating things, and expressing things. One of the most important things to me was that i kept talking about all the good things, I want all the good memories and stories to overshadow all that horrible stuff from those days. I created a separate altar just for him, that i filled with items that remind me of him. I believe that by keeping their memory alive they are never truly gone, that does not change the fact that it really sucks that they are not physically there . 💚 Sending you strength 💚

[@deborahreed5905]

The ones we love really never leave us, because they live in our hearts. He is part of the light now, I know that it doesn't help right now but it will. Sending blessings of comfort and healing to you and your family. May the Goddess keep you safe in her hands. Blessed be ❤️

[@margietucker1719]

Indeed they live on...and not just in our hearts😊

[@angelamurphy3331]

Annabel! My dad was killed by a drunken driver as he walked along the footpath. And still to this day it hurts. Sending you warm Irish hugs from across the Atlantic. Be kind to yourself. 🍀🍀😺😺🇮🇪🇮🇪💚💚

[@arkus1928]

I’m Irish and every time my parents drive anywhere in Ireland I’m sick with worry. I’m so sorry for what happened to your family.

[@angelamurphy3331]

@@arkus1928 Thank you so much for leaving a message. I didn't expect this. I felt so sad for Annabel and how she bared her soul. Hugs to you also. 🍀🍀💚🇮🇪😺😺🍀🍀

[@witchNwand]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Annabel. My condolences to you and yours. ❤ 🙏

[@Melissachpmnnfamily]

A close friend shared this with me yesterday. She said there’s a closed box with a ball and button inside. The ball constantly is bouncing inside the box and initially hits that button (grief) constantly and hard due to its size but overtime the ball shrinks. It still hits that button but there’s no guessing when. That is grief, for me there’s no stages just states. Take all the time you need ❤️ sending you so much light and love.

[@HippieHomesteader]

I lost my “baby” brother in 2017, he was 25. It was a freak dirt bike accident. There have never been answers. The pain never goes away. You just learn how to cope better. Make sure to keep talking about him (in your personal life) to keep his memory alive. I would never expect you to share on here Sending love and light to you and your family.

[@Alog74]

I was reinventing my altar and decided for some reason I needed to add dreid orange slices to my altar last night. Wake this morning to this video and your cutting up orange slices. I'm so sorry for your loss Annabel. May Goddess help you thru this time. Blessed Be. 🌙

[@cleoh666]

We lost my mother in law to a year long battle with cancer, in November 2023. It feels so strange to do "normal" things, and the firsts of everything without her are very sombre. Thank you for sharing with us your journey and the pain, we are with you ❤

[@Aleatoire9]

My mom passed away from cancer in December 2023, sending love 💕

[@PatriceMarieDobson]

There are no words. I understand every word you said. Blessed be in love and light.❤❤❤

[@susanthompson5142]

Sending you so much Love Annie. As someone who has experienced the loss of many loved ones, I know grief never goes away, it just changes over time. I keep the memories of my loved ones tucked in my heart. There is not a day that goes by ,without me talking to them . I know they hear me, I feel their presence when I'm missing them. I have had many signs from them, to let me know they are near. Everyone experiences grief differently. There are no words to ease your pain. Please know, if the time ever comes, that you need to talk about your sweet Cousin/Brother, or honor him through your content, please do. Sending you much Love and hugs. 🕊🕊

[@stevierysie]

Logic does not do much to help the feelings. Those are really wise words. As a trauma survivor, I did my best, studied all the reasons it might have happened. My therapist finally had to tell me that I needed to feel my way though it. That’s what brought me to the path of practice and healing. Still healing. I am sending you energy of comfort and peace. Blessed be.

[@annasmith4884]

It's okay to not end every video on a positive note. Life isn't always positive. I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your cousin is a wonderful person. Wishing you peace and love.

[@karenbota3118]

I am so very sorry for your loss, Annie. It makes no sense and there’s no way to make it so. I hope time will make his loss a tiny bit easier to bear. You have a whole community out here holding you in healing light.

[@K.Lovelace1968]

I am so sorry for your loss... Grief is the price we pay for love, and it has no time limit.. Take all the time you need.. Thank you for sharing with us..

[@CelticLady01]

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your cousin. I lost my father this past Oct unexpectedly. He died from colon cancer that went undetected. From the time that I received word from my brother that our father was hospitalized to when he passed on was a week. My prayers for comfort during loss is being lifted up.

[@biscuitbarrel5623]

Sending you a hug x

[@rokelle_2012]

Lost my Mamaw to colon cancer. I would not wish cancer of any kind on my worst enemy. I hope you and your family are doing well.

[@CelticLady01]

@@rokelle_2012 we are. My brother and I say that he and our mom are dancing together in Heaven now.👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

[@martahurtado3970]

Sending you and all your loved ones love light and blessings 🙏✨❤

[@amandawynkoop9584]

Sending you so much love, Annie. I'll be burning a candle for you and sending everything positive I've got in my soul.

[@AlbertGauche]

My heartfelt condolences for your loss. When I think of my father’s passing, almost three years ago. I focus on the good memories and take comfort that he is no longer in pain.

[@Alog74]

I think talking about it Annie is a good way to heal from grief. Although I've never experienced grief of a loved one I can't imagine how one must feel. I am projecting a beautiful healing light towards you as I tear up watching this video. Thank you so much for sharing with us. 🌻🌙

[@gazzabart]

Dearest Annie its all too soon. You must gently look after yourself . Grieving is a long process . Your pain is the measure of the love you felt for him and he will have felt that love . Peace to you and your family 🕊

[@claireberry1564]

I am so sorry for your awful loss. Words are never enough at times like this. I will be thinking of you and your family.

[@angelagentry562]

I am so sorry to hear this news Annabel. I send you so much Love and Light 💛✨

[@ZiggyKitty]

I hope you have the space you need to process your grief and a powerful peace finds you so you can rest amongst it all. There certainly are no words, but sometimes it helps to find just a few. This poem by John O’Donahue resonated with me, here’s a few lines: We look towards each other no longer From the old distance of our names; Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath, As close to us as we are to ourselves. Though we cannot see you with outward eyes, We know our soul's gaze is upon your face, Smiling back at us from within everything To which we bring our best refinement. Let us not look for you only in memory, Where we would grow lonely without you. You would want us to find you in presence, Beside us when beauty brightens, When kindness glows And music echoes eternal tones.

[@janesmith1398]

My condolences to you and your family, Annie. I'm so sorry for your loss. Unexpectedly, I lost my mom three years ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. The loss doesn’t really go away. At least not for me. A new way of life is built around the grief. Just know we are all here for you if you need us. ❤

[@YourPainting1]

I’m so sorry for you loss Annabel. I was crying along with you. Grief is such a profound emotion and can take you from the present moment almost completely. Best wishes to you 🤍

[@faeriemagic3546]

This brought me back to when my dad of dementia at 60.. it was excruciating since I was with him 5 hrs before he died.. I cried through this whole this episode.. thank you and I'm so sorry for your loss

[@Julie-bq6iz]

As someone who is walking with similar feelings, I wish for you loving comfort to surround you, and times of sunshine in between the moments of rain. ❤

[@KristoffJas]

I’m a 60 year old baby witch and you have been bringing joy and happiness to my new journey. Also, witchiness aside, you are a very wise woman. The fact that you took the time to bare your soul to us in a deeply personal way in this video. In 60 years I’ve learned a thing or two about life. And while I can only talk about my own experience, strength, and hope, I can intuit some of what you are going through. When I went through deep emotional trauma, It took everything for me to get out of bed. I had to tell myself to put one foot in front of the other. Tell myself to shower and dress and to eat something. Tell my feet to walk out the door and go to work. And here you are putting out a video that probably tore you up, but you did it anyways. Because you needed it for you, and others needed to hear your story. You put one foot in front of the other. 10 years from now someone will watch this video for the first time, and they will receive your wisdom, and strength - and know that they can function, no matter how much pain they are facing. I know you have helped thousands get out of bed and keep moving. We all know the pain of loss never goes away, and it shouldn’t - it’s our tie to someone dear to us - but with each passing minute, hour, day, month, and year, we progressively learn how to deal with it, each in our own way. And then one day we notice the flowers, the green trees, and the gentle breeze, and we begin to feel joy and happiness again: Thank you for your courage in sharing this. Keep hanging in there. Thank you for the joy and happiness and light and beauty you bring me in teaching me the Craft. Thanks to you and others I am learning from, my husband is seeing positive changes in me. - Donny

[@tetianazyma9580]

Dear Annabel, I'm so sorry for your loss! May I send you warm hugs? There will be the time for grieving, and there will also be the time for recovering and coming back to life. Hope your family and friends will be there for you. Best wishes!

[@thefox08]

I'm so sorry for your loss. A sudden death, especially when they were so young, feels impossible to process. Be kind to yourself while you grieve and don't rush it. Much love to you, Annie.

[@skeeterwhitley9191]

the feelings of grief is the strength of the bond you shared. The greater that bond the longer the process, though every day will become a little easier. It never fully goes away. Wishing you spiritual blessings and acceptance during this time.

[@CleoHarperReturns]

Your father was so proud of you. He knew what you do is *not* trivial. You bring your own beautiful light into so many lives and make our own tragedies more bearable. It will take some time, so much time, but the meaning will come back for you. For me, my father was my greatest loss. Sending you all my care, Annie.💜

[@Leesle15]

Mourning with you, today, Annie. Express your sadness, express your anger. Don't let it eat you up inside. Mourn with others. Be with each other. All the love to you and your family.

[@hmmoore89]

I lost my dad very suddenly at the end of 2018, so I know how surreal and numb even just day-to-day life can feel and how everything just feels...wrong. It DOES get better, but it doesn't go away. You learn to cope with it as time goes on, and you learn to ride the waves of emotion as they come back from time to time in a healthy manner. You ARE allowed to continue to live your life, but you are ALSO allowed to feel, to cry, and to express it, no matter how long it takes to get back to some semblance of normalcy. If people have issue with you openly grieving, they likely aren't who you need to be around right now. Grief is a eerily normal part of life, I've come to realize, and there are countless people out there who have gone through what you are going through right now. I would find them, and exchange experiences and words. It really helps, so you don't feel alone. That said, If you think it is taking away from your content to bring it up, it's absolutely not. It just reiterates that a human being is making these videos. Remembering a person for what they gave you in life can also be bright, happy and cheerful, even if them being physically absent feels like a labyrinth of emotional shards and needles. Take your time, Annie, I'm sure people will still be here for you when you find your feet, and even before then! ❤🫂

[@karennewbury6430]

Sweet girl, my heart is with you now. A sudden, senseless death tears a hole in the fabric of the universe that may take generations to heal. I'll keep your cousin in my prayers tonight, and you as well. We who watch your videos will all be here for you. 💔🙏 Blessings from Canada.

[@bemevo1535]

So sorry for your loss, I wish you love and light in this dark times and that you can keep your good memories from your cousin.

[@vinlago]

In time the silver lining will reveal itself. For us, we found it in the lesson we felt our family tragedy brought which was to appreciate each other and make plans for now, not tomorrow because now is all we have.

[@DestinyGodden]

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for your loss 😭 I can see how devastating this loss has been for you, thank you for sharing this very personal moment. I hope that by finishing this video it will help you. You need to take time for you and your family. I’m glad you got to spend some time with friends and family around the holidays and before this tragic accident. Please take care of yourself as much as you need. Your fans and followers will understand. Take care Annie ❤😊

[@Allysunmoonstar]

I was just thinking of you (as I have been since I saw your post) and checked your IG to check on you and you just posted this. It's hard to move forward when it feels like your world has stopped, but the rest of world has not. I think that is because there is no time like we measure here on earth that is like in Heaven or wherever you believe is after this life. So when we lose someone that is close, we are caught in between worlds just like them for a bit until we grow in this new understanding and experience of loss. That's why eveyone grieves differently and there us no time frame of how it should go. I don't know if you understand what I am saying, I am having a hard time with explaining what I mean. I just lost my Gram last week, but it's different, she was 95 and ready to go. Your cousin being so young is a huge loss to your friends and family because he had his whole life ahead of him. Keeping him close will keep his spirit alive within you and your family. Talk about him often with your friends and family. Sending you love & hugs!❤

[@Monika_77]

Last year I tragically lost a very close friend of the last 15 years. It was unreal. Stay strong, it will get easier in time.

[@shellegriffin]

In December I experienced a loss of mu Aunt also in a horrific way. I accept death as a part of life and that after the current life we as a sould continue. My Aunt was living my worst nightmare. The grief I felt was immeasurable. I had zero empathy for inconveniences that are just that. I will always grieve and I will honor her every day in some way. Honor your little brother and cry and be angry and find the peace of silence. And when your ready you can bring in the light and all the wonderful memories. I suggest making a memory tree. With ornaments made from pics of loved ones that are alive and that have passed.

[@veronicashipley9123]

Hello from the UK ☺. There is no logic Annie and it's hurts so much, and always will, I think! The stomach churning that you mention sums it up for me, a feeling that comes & goes and causes you to ache for the one you loved so much. I lost my beloved husband of 50 plus years (we were babies when we wed ☺) on 4th December 23 after a short illness. He was my love, my life and my soul mate and my heart, like yours, is broken 💔. He was a vegetarian, non smoker and didn't drink. He was a hiker, cyclist and caver. So no Annie, no logic. We had no family of our own, but I have my fur babies, two cats 🐱🐈🐾 that are giving me a reason to get up in the mornings, as I'm sure Grim and Hazel are for you too 🐾🐾. Sending you love, light & bright blessings xx

[@johnadamski4012]

🌲🍀🐾💚😔I lost a cousin that I was close to (we always went fishing together), hung out more with him (almost the same age), than with my brothers who were younger & don't like fishing. More than 20 year's have passed, I still feel it. I know you're pain all too well😪. You're honoring him with Respect though😌☀️🌻🌸🌺🌷🕊💚🐾🍀🌲.

[@xuxagirl87]

Ohh sweetheart I’m so sorry, that’s so terrible… sending you so much love and strength and support. You’re gonna be okay, okay? So much love ❤

[@mirandabruning3953]

I am so sorry for your loss, Annabel. I know it is no solace but sometimes we need to see the beauty in having had the time with this soul. They were given to us for their mortal life. I hope one day you will cherish the time you were given with him. I hope this will help heal a little bit when you are ready. Take your time. We will be here waiting for you when you are ready.❤

[@sarasmile4666]

I also lost a little brother, over 10 years ago. In the sense that it isn't a constant, daily life-altering gut-punch anymore, the loss has gotten much easier. But my stomach still hollows when I think about it, and sometimes the force if my grief is staggering. However, our family situation was *very* different from yours, so the grief of his absence is magnified by the grief of our entire history together, and the resulting emotional distance between us. My hope for you is that eventually, as your mind wanders to old times with your cousin, you'll be comforted and blessed by recalling your many loving moments together. ❤

[@kaeladensford]

My dad and my brother killed themselves, my dad in 2002 and my brother in 2004 and it still doesn't feel real. It's OK not to be ok. Love you

[@dominiquemillan91]

This couldn't have come at a better time. I've been dealing with so much grief and loss lately and I just don't know what to do with it. Your videos always make me feel better. Thank you Annie, and I'm sorry for your loss ❤️

[@lynnsmith3995]

Loving deeply is a gift whose price is paid in loss. But the gift, it stays with us forever, and in their way, helps us heal. Talk with him. ❤

[@Katfada]

Last week my family lost a very sweet person that took her own life. We're all broken. I don't even have the words to describe the pain that is the lost of someone you love, but what I do know is that life is too short not to appreciate the beauty in every corner of the world. If you're grieving, just like I am, I just hope your beloved one find peace and you can find some closing. Big hugs for anyone who need them.

[@ti9erlilly]

I lost a very close childhood friend in highschool. He was only 17. It's been almost 16 years since his light vanished, and I still find myself crying sometimes, but you will be amazed by how far their bright light continues to reach, even long after they've gone. He is with you, and your love for him will live on through you, your practice, and your creativity. Take all the time you need, Annie. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope that after some time, you can find a way to shine his light through you, so that we may all feel the beauty and warmth of his spirit. 💖

[@Goldlucky13]

my godmother died today. a really awesome woman, an oncology nurse. i'm sorry for your loss, it hurts a lot. i hope we can keep your family member's memory alive, collectively.

[@kaylawild4019]

So very sorry for your family’s loss. Even though I don’t know you in real life , you’re such a beautiful soul and I’m sending lots of love to you and your family ❤

[@tabethasmelser]

I lost my husband when I was 33 and he was 36. Grief is so weird and so personal and so consuming at times, especially as you see that the world continues to live and move while you feel so stuck in the moment. I am sending you so much love and hopes for peace and healing as the days go on.

[@jeannel6109]

🙏❤️My thoughts and prayers go out to you. So so sorry for your loss. Your video and words were heartfelt and genuine….beautifully done. Just remember he’ll always be in your heart…and watching over you. You’ll feel it….sense it and sometimes even catch a scent that’ll remind you of him. ❤️

[@lollibyte5727]

Last summer, my youngest took his first steps in a room where my mother-in-law was in hospice care. She died in that room only few days after. She was very important to us all, and closest of the grandparents to my children. She had terminal cancer that had been found in January, and by midsummer, she was gone. It won't really get better in the way that it doesn't stop hurting. It just changes, and gets a bit lighter to carry. And for awhile it feels horrible to enjoy things. We have this brightest light in our little one, but I am also constantly reminded of things his granma misses. Her picture is now part of a homealtar, I made a bit of an ancestral altar of shorts, I've been working on getting pics of my passed away relatives there and it helps a bit. Have them kinda there, present but not in too intruding way. I am sorry for your loss Annie. Take your time. Life can be as cruel as it is beautiful. And it's ok. You'll be ok. It doesn't feel like it now, but you will be, and it is okay if you won't. Just one day at the time.

[@emilywaddell1584]

I am so very sorry for your loss. My daughters went through this 4 years ago. One of my cousins is my best friend and he moved into the house next door. His youngest son became very close to my daughters. I baby sat him, he stayed all night, they stayed all night with him, and he was very much their little brother. We were actually at a Foo Fighters concert , mine and my oldest favorite band, when we got the news he had taken his own life. We were beyond devastated. My daughter has just now got to the point where she could listen to the Foo's without bawling her eyes out. You will find a way through it. Be gentle with yourself and take the time you need. Much love and light sent your way.

[@PChuu22]

Oh, Annie... I am so, SO sorry of the pain you and your family are going through. I think death is always sudden, even when it's caused by a long and drawn out illness. Death is so final, so complete, and so painful to those left behind. You will take a long time to truly move past the initial pain and loss. That is normal. That is okay. Pain, grief, and loss take as long as they take for you to move through them. My father passed nearly twenty years ago, and I still miss him. It still hits me sometimes that he is truly gone, that I can never go to him with questions or with experiences I want to share with him. Loss never goes away. You just learn to make room for it in your life. I'll be thinking of you. I'll light a candle for you, your family, and your cousin.

[@CraftyMountainGal]

I am so sorry for the loss of your "little brother". I am glad your life was so happily full with friends and family just before the tragedy. If anything, just to give you a deeper insight to the cruel beauty of the juxtapositions of this life. Again, my heart hurts for you, but I hope you find our comments a bit comforting.

[@alinabriggs3939]

I wish I could hug you right now watching this…i started tearing up because I understand your pain😢. We are here for you❤️

[@yulisanunez572]

Oh Annie I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother in 2007 at age 33 during a horrific work accident on a stormy night. I got a call at midnight from my sister (we live in different state) the pain and agony I felt that night is unexplainable. It has taken me many years to accept that was his time. But he lives on in our hearts and in our memories. Sending you and your loved ones peace and comfort during these difficult moments.

[@amy3127]

That light you talked about will never go away as long as you remember it. My dad passed away 25 years ago when I was 22 and the pain doesn't go away, but that just shows the level of love you have for that person. But I see him in my daughter, my kindness and sense of humor, and when I sit by the ocean listening to the waves. When you find somewhere that reminds you the most of your cousin, it will ease the sadness a bit and make you smile with those memories. 💙

[@pattidunne2253]

His sacred contract was over and now it is part of your sacred journey to heal. Much love and blessings

[@elainasaratova9907]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it seems impossible to believe but time does heal wounds. Maybe not entirely. But it will get easier one day. Just take one day at a time. Healing is not linear. Take your time

[@lindaduncan2152]

Oh Annie! I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in 1988 when I was 15 and I still miss him everyday. You learn to go on, the pain numbs to a certain extent. You will deal with your grief your way and that is ok! Please except my tears as the hug I wish I could walk through the screen and give you! Be kind to yourself and don’t read the bad stuff! With so much love and gentle hugs from a fellow zebra. 😢 🤗

[@snackdragonn]

Oh, Annie, I'm so sorry. ... I woke up this morning sobbing about a close friend who killed herself a couple of years ago. ... We will never leave them out of our memories.

[@KarMa-ws3ll]

dear annabel, what really really suprised me is how grief of a close person affects your mind AND your body for a long time. It takes time to heal both. I wish u the best for this journey. I think, these "symptoms" are also symptoms of the deep love we have for the person we lost. It shows us, that we love(ed). Being able to deeply love is the most profund "skill t"here is - and more important than being loved, i think. There are people who are not able to love deeply, and though they might never feel this kind of grief and devastation, they also will never fell the profound feeling of caring for a person on that deep level. and this is a loss these people never even know of. I rather be devastated by grief than never feel the love i have vor my partner, my friends or my family.

[@soulfulmoongaze]

Sending you so much love. This hits so close to home as today is the birthday of my cousin (who was more like a sibling) that was killed 9 years ago in a sudden and tragic way. You are right the sad will never go away. But you will find yourself remembering the good times more and more over time. Again. I am so sorry for your loss. And I send you many Blessings!

[@CoogieBotLoafer]

I lost my mom, dad, aunt and grandma all in the span of 2 years, and it's really really hard, especially since my mom was my best friend, and honestly it never gets easier and you never "move on" but you learn to live with it as your new normal. There are some days where it just hurts so bad to just realize they're not here but we keep their memories alive by telling all the funny stories and cracking up laughing at all the good times. I often mimic how my mom talked in her sassy Brooklyn accent whenever my siblings or I do some dumb shit and it makes me glad that I got to spend enough time with her that she lives on through us. I'm so sorry about your cousin, 19 is just so young it breaks my heart. Take the time you need to grieve and process your emotions, it won't be a short process and make sure to talk to your family, or a grief counselor if you really need to. I'm sure I don't just speak for myself when I say that as much as we love your videos, we care about your mental (and physical) health first and foremost and we'll all be here when you're ready to get back into the swing of things

[@artremysr2349]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my baby brother last year. With this loss, I too, felt as if I was no longer allowed to laugh or feel joy in any capacity. Yes, every mundane thing I did felt empty and useless. But, with time, my pain began to abate and I was able to move on with my life. I will be honest, tho. There are times as I look around the tears appear unbidden. And, yet, I feel that that's ok as It's all a part of my grieving. Annabel, I hope in time you will find joy and peace and serenity again. I hope you can find Brightest Blessing as well in all you do. Peace & Love. Alice

[@wednesdaysworld1471]

Thank you for being honest, vulnerable , and transparent. I appreciate your content so much. You remind me it's ok to be human and have feelings. It's so dangerous to keep things inside. It makes us sick. Be well my friend. Hugs and healing for your family.

[@seasheleyes]

I have never seen one of your videos, but I saw this and clicked…I have tears. I lost my little brother in 1990 to a horrible illness. I’m almost 70 now and I see your pain with a familiarity. The grief is so deep I know. You are correct that the feelings will be there forever. I still cry after 33 years. But I am a happy person, deeper in empathy than I would have been. I see great beauty in my life with him and can’t imagine not having the part I had. Life is so precious and sometimes impossibly difficult. But you will be ok. Ask for help, cry deeply when you need to, and keep your dear cousin in your heart. The memories are in your body and you will be surprised by what might bring you to your knees after years have passed. Be gentle with yourself. You will never be sorry for that love.

[@justin_a_greenwitch]

Ending this positively...with elberberry jars ❤. Thank you for sharing your grief, and I can feel hope in this video.

[@LouValcourt]

I lost one of my brothers and my mother in law last year. We never get over losing the people we love, we just find a way to live with it. Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. There is no right or wrong in grieving. Sending you love during this difficult time.

[@reikicatz8679]

Sweet Annie🥰 your transparent and raw pain exudes the screen...so so sad...there are no words...sending so much Love and healing blessings to You and Your family💚💜💚💜💚💜💚

[@ShylieKay]

I'm so sorry Annie.😢 Omg nobody can prepare for that.😭 Sending you all my love.

[@GeneGraver]

There are losses that rearrange our entire worlds, sending you so much love and light, because there are no words.

[@deniseweavinghannah]

I encircle all of us who have experienced profound loss. May we expand in the awareness of our Devine connection. We do make a difference to each other. When we lose a dear one we have to experience new ways to be.

[@EarthMagickArts]

There’s a certain beauty in grief, and that is the fact that you loved someone so much in their lifetime. Remember the feeling of the full heart… that love will guide you through this, and you will come out the other side stronger knowing that you are capable of that love. *hugs*

[@sandrakulikowski6305]

I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain. I lost my beautiful son who is 34 to Covid. It’s been a few years now. Undeniably It is a life sentence of grief and pain. Eventually you will arrive at a time when you can live your life for him in his honor. Hugs and kisses.💞 stay strong.

[@Human_Earthling]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending strength, warmth and peace your way. Thank you for sharing those reels from the trip with your brother and best friend. Beautiful! I love how you interact with and take care of your dogs!

[@lucydrake8867]

Grief is one of those strange things no-one really talks about. I've had more than my fair shair, a daughter, my mother and father within six months of each other. There is a lot of love in this comment section, and good advice. Mine is simple, grow something. Create art whenever you can (finishing it is optional). Don't force yourself to feel or not feel anything, if you let it move through you, it hurts less.

[@maryshowsoff5374]

I'm sorry Annie for your loss. Sometimes there is no clean or nice outro, and I think imperfect moments as these are a natural reflection of reality. It is hard for an artist with standards of quality to accept, understandably. It is also wildly unfair that young, lovely people like your cousin are gone so soon. My wish is that your family finds peace, comfort and light in his memory.

[@CosmicRaven8]

Wow, words cannot even begin to express how sorry I am. I've lost my Dad, Mom, sister and 2 close cousins and one was only 15. It's never easy when you lose someone so close to you that you've grown up with. It never fully goes away, but I feel like the people that were close to your precious cousin will help carry a little bit of the pain and through that you will eventually feel like a little weight has been lifted off a little at a time. Also, having a community of people who have been through something similar and can relate to you can also stand along side you and help carry the heavy weight of grief that you're feeling. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending loving and healing energy to you and your loved ones. 💖✨

[@Vlogsoup]

I suddenly lost my step sister in Oct 2022 and I still can’t believe she is gone. I am sending you so much love ❤

[@alisonjones3057]

There is no time limit on grief and feeling frozen is normal, you just haveto look after yourself and give yourself time and space .❤

[@Honeydewple]

grief is often enough to kill part of ones soul. its so painful. but 2 things i have learned. 1) that grief has its own agenda, some days will be harder than others and there is no linear path to grief. the "stages of grief" do not come in order. 2) the fact that you miss this person means that you loved and continue to love so strongly. It means that they were a wonderful person in your life and having them, however briefly, clearly meant the world to you. I wish you luck and peace on this new journey. Life does not alway have a reason for its actions. but you are strong and you can make it through.

[@heatherstrachan107]

It's only been three weeks, you're still experiencing both shock and trauma. Treat yourself with kindness and know that you are surrounded by people (both physically and virtually) that care.

[@Donna-qj9qg]

So sorry for your loss. Take one day at a time. I lost my mom in October she was 91. Grief does get better. Let yourself grieve. I cried for days. It cleansed my soul. Talk about your loss and remember all the memories

[@kariking7361]

I am so so very sorry for your loss. 💔 Our family experienced the loss of my sister's fiance at 19 in a work related accident years ago. It was horrible and heartbreaking for both families. He was like a brother, and the brightest light to us all. Its been 23 years and it still catches me off guard when I hear a song he loved, or look into my niece's eyes, wishing desperately could have had a chance to meet her. Life is so unpredictable and cruel at times, but we are so blessed to have loved them. Sending you love and hugs, and praying you find comfort and strength in his memories.💚🌿

[@juliemassam933]

I'm so sorry for your loss! I lost my grandpa on my mom's side years ago and still miss him, he and I were two peas in a pod. We'd be sitting and reading our own books but still together.

[@EmilyKatee13]

I can feel your grief radiating through the screen. I hope you know you are heard and held by this little community you've created. I lost my aunt/god mother very suddenly at the end of 2023 and the grief was unbearable for some time. Especially seeing how her passing affected my parents and loved ones. I miss her warm presence but I'm also so grateful she was here and I had my time with her. Feel all of your grief and with time, it won't feel as demanding. Sending abundant love your way ❤️

[@andreamassari9099]

I'm very sorry for your tremendous loss. One thing that I've learned in life is that grief has it's own timeline. Grief is also self healing. I hope you can find a bit of peace while you are waiting to heal.