4 Dirty Tactics Narcissistic Mothers Use to Control You (And How to Heal) | Lisa A Romano

[@vikster10259]

No contact is the only way for me. The only thing worse than having no family at Christmas.....is having your family at Christmas😂

[@ThankYouJesusTheChrist]

Love it!

[@januszdworak4780]

I did it and I am free: no weddings, no funerals, no baptisms etc. to attend.

[@australianolatino]

Lol Ain’t that the truth!!

[@melissahoffman9433]

Amen

[@Santana-i5u]

Absolutely 💯

[@trace3113]

I'm definitely am the scapegoat and I went no contact with my mother and I know that the whole family are saying terrible things about me. It's my first holiday without any family except my son.

[@monabarber2335]

I totally understand You ! I’m 64 and went No contact with My Momster , I too didn’t Celebrate 🎉 either ! I’m done ✅ with Humans , except My Beautiful and Amazing Daughter ❤

[@trace3113]

@monabarber2335 it sure isn't how life is suppose to be but since I've been alone I've started feeling peace that I've never felt before.

[@nmc1859]

This is my 2nd. I am glad I have kept the no contact up eventhough yes it hurts not having family at Christmas. It's just one day though ❤

[@bcbro142]

Same here I went no contact with my entire family a year ago and this was the most peaceful holiday I’ve ever experienced. I’m just mad I didn’t do it along time ago. I did it for my future grandchildren.

[@monabarber2335]

@ I’m so happy for You ! I did the same thing ! Everyone except My Daughter and Sister , and I’m like You , I wish I would have years ago! My life is so happy and Peaceful! Good luck and God Bless You !

[@gojiberry7201]

My mom -- who I think is undiagnosed BPD -- would often suddenly pretend that everything is OK. She would just change the subject and put on a happy face and act like nothing happened. She did this when she shamed me for talking about my childhood SA from my brother, where she was vicious for days, alternating giving me the silent treatment and telling me people weren't talking to her (delusion). Suddenly she just started talking one day with a big smile and never mentioned any of it. Please go no contact with parents/people like this.

[@JRBracy]

My mom can do the same - goes from a complete emotional wreck to all smiles and jokes in a matter of minutes

[@gojiberry7201]

@@JRBracy It's totally bizarre, isn't it?

[@ThankYouJesusTheChrist]

Thank you for saying this.

[@deniseware1802]

My mom is the same! Been treated for depression but I think she's actually undiagnosed bipolar. We pray for her as well. Only God can help her. She's very aggressive, mean intentionally and tries to cause tension between family members. She will send my boys Christmas money, but ignore my daughter... all because she stood up to my mom when my mom was trash talking about me. Even my step dad told me that I should ignore her actions, because she "raised" me and I owe her...

[@nmc1859]

Please I hope you are not around her anymore - at all. I did go no contact w my own mother, but she keeps texting me every few months and so far I have ignored or grey rock. I will not be alone with her.

[@alisonita5455]

Once my mom saw a photo of my ex-husband’s wife before me. The woman is 16 years older than me and not pretty…when my mom saw the photo, she said, “Oh, what a beautiful woman” 🙄 actually she is always complimenting random woman who are less good-looking than me, for no reason, but is very harsh about my body (you’ve gained or lost a pound…), my hair, makeup or lack of…telling me what looks good or bad on my body, even though she looks like a bag of potatoes. Just bizarre! 🙄

[@KellyP_]

My mom hasn't spoken to me in 6 months. I have done nothing to her to warrant this behavior. I will not reach out. She can seeth in her anguish. I'm done caring!

[@ThankYouJesusTheChrist]

you are so lucky!!!!!

[@wisesavedone2721]

It's been 27 years for me my life has changed for the better. I am so at peace.

[@earthmotherdragon4572]

This is my mother to a T. In past the first 10 minutes of a call she would tell me all about my siblings and her grandchildren, if I was lucky she would eventually ask me how I was but glazing over pretending to listen. She stole my dreams but she would never admit to anything or owe up to her unfair treatment of me. I am not going to visit no more. Done. Can relate to all you speak of. Thank you Lisa for sharing your knowledge. x

[@drsarita-questioneverythin3194]

This is so helpful …thank you Lisa

[@kamilahollmann]

I trully believe I am spiralling down and nobody will stop it. I DIDNT TRY TO MA KE A NEW ACCOUNT AS CUSTOMER SERVICE TOLD ME TO DO CAUSE THEY MIGHT HAVE MADE A MISTAKE N I WONT BE ABLE TO RECOVER MY OWN ACCOUNT. I SHOULD MAKE IT WITH A DIFFERENT NAME, LIKE THEY RECOMMENDED. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I am anymore anyway.... (Sorry!. Capital letter got activated, there's no meaning on this... only that by the time I realized... I didnt want to write all that again😅)

[@rulaj1]

I just asked my Mother to leave after two days of relentless criticism, comparisons, subtle hints of my inferiority etc. etc. and now I am the bad evil daughter who threw her 85 year old mother out at 8:30 pm . She took a taxi home which was 45 minutes away and I followed her movements in real time on the screen to make sure she got home okay. After two days, I was done with the negative energy in my home. My daughter was being manipulated as well. She was supposed to go to my estranged sister's house for Christmas as I had her for Thanksgiving but for some reason she didn't. Honestly, this would have made me feel very guilty and sinful a year ago, but now I am just indifferent, just protecting my peace. Besides , as she stated, my house is awful and she can't sleep and everything sucks here, so she should feel better in her own warm bed. Oh well. I'm 47 years old and I don't know if I care anymore.

[@xoxox.skinnychef]

Mom is mostly non verbal these days on hospice, but she can STILL work all that magic. I am hanging strong, and left the family deal early yesterday to get out of this trap. I am ready to let this paradigm go!🩷 Happy holidays, Lisa!

[@A93-qg9xj]

Thank you Lisa. You’re such a blessing…🧡 These days are extra hard.

[@K.M.2324]

🎯💯 So true!!!! Chose to not take part in the games of the narcissist. No-contact, new life & not looking back.

[@JRBracy]

The silent treatment. Yes. As an adult I was my mom's enabler and scapegoat child while her relationship with my siblings crumbled. I was her "therapist." As I began to unravel my childhood abuse and slowly pull away, it was still me constantly checking up on her. Then she began to sense my pulling away and stopped answering my texts, she never called or text me first, and when I finally voiced my feelings, its been dead silent! She's even cut my own children out.

[@dorijoe]

I am really struggling with abandonment trauma and I feel so lonely and desperate for love. The pain never ends. I can't fathom how to heal from this heartache and confusion.

[@vikster10259]

@dorijoe one day at a time... stay strong! One day you wake up and you're on the other side of it.

[@i_am_nickid85210]

Lisa, You are amazing! I look forward to your videos/messages/jewels❤. I am 52 and narc-mom is 71 and relentless. You are one of my blessings who help me to grow and be a better, healed Mother versus the one I was "given".😟

[@susanlevine853]

You are truly an inspiration to me, taught me how to release my son from the dark hole he was living in and to find self love and worthiness. I have been learning from you for many years, through your books and early videos, giving me vital support and invaluable personal experiential healing tools. I appreciate YOU....SHINE ON, BRILLIANT LIGHT OF LOVE AND LIFE.... DEAREST #1!

[@stephanieh7240]

All of this for decades. I’ve substantially reduced contact but the effects have been lasting. I am however building a better life and reprogramming myself as I become aware of yet more malignant coding/wiring from the initial build.

[@passionateherbs]

For me once I realized she was mentally ill (because I believe narc mom's are) it became very easy not to react to her circus of crazy verbal manipulation tactics. Mine has absolutely told me Many times how much fun she had with relatives where I was never invited. I just respond with I am glad you enjoyed yourself and had such a great time. Besides if I went she'd just have said something to embarrass me. She is so bizarre she even said in front of her two male cousins while I was standing there something about my "bomba boobs"!! Good Lord!! Who does that!!?? Crazy people that's who! I have been no contact many times and the last time was for a little over 2 years. Now I am trying to maneuver the crazy narc waters as best I can while only calling her once, sometimes twice a week even though she drops major hints for me to cal more. Luckily I live 80 miles away. She is soon to be 94 and as crazy and mean as ever. It may sound horrible, but I am only speaking to her in the hope that she will leave me my inheritance because I am in a desperate situation. However, I do know better than to hold my breath on that! She has a lot of money and didn't even flinch when I told her my water heater broke and I have no money to fix it. I didn't come outright and ask her for the money and I wouldn't and she didn't offer. I hate talking (sorry, listening) to her because all she does is gossip, tell me how she has enough money that she is really comfortable, cries about how my youngest son the golden child (that's what she calls him!) doesn't speak to her anymore and she can't believe that he thinks he heard her say she would like to stab him in the heart while he slept! He was there living with her while she recovered from hip surgery! Needless to say he moved out very quickly after he heard her say that. So now she says he is probably mentally ill because he is too stubborn to talk to her. What crazy lady?!?! Obviously I could go on, but I am sure anyone reading this has or is living this in some way and totally gets it! Good luck to us all! Don't let the crazies get to you! It is totally and definitely them and NOT you! I would like to add one more thing, mine is also a thief! Watch your stuff! Lock it up!

[@monabarber2335]

I read Your Story , and I’m so deeply sorry , but I can relate to everything You said ! My Momster is 87 and as Vile and Evil as ever ! They are not Human 👺I went No contact on May 30th of this Year , and I’ve never been so Happy 😃 😊and at Peace ☮️ I wish You a life Filled with Good Health 🎉and lots of Happiness ❤

[@passionateherbs]

@@monabarber2335 Thank you very much! I wish the same for you! I had responded early, but my reply disappeared! 🤷‍♀ LOL

[@kikik8220]

You don’t understand how much I appreciate you and your knowledge. Thank you so much for creating this. May we find awareness, peace, love, compassion and understanding within ourselves because greatness is within us! Thank u again! 🙏

[@daisygirrl1234]

I just began speaking to my mother again after almost 7 years no contact. Before I went no contact she had triangulated myself and my brothers relationship poisoned their minds against me. And now she is trying to force us to be close again because she wants her big happy family back. She has apologized for a lot of the things that she has done to me . Now she’s definitely on her best behavior because she is petrified that I will stop speaking to her again. But I am finding it very hard to navigate around speaking to when she is continuously is trying to push my brothers onto me when they have an ignored me for years.

[@monabarber2335]

Sounds like She is Love ❤️ Bombing You ! Beware ! These Demons always have a Motive ! They never , ever change , but they will fool You into thinking they have !

[@kristahackleylmt2064]

Same here. She triangulated her relationship with my dad w me. And she also triangulates me with my sister. I'm 50 years old and hardly have spent any time with my sister in my adult years yet she hates me and thinks I'm a loser and a user. Funny, I'm the one who works and she's taken care of by the government and my parents. I see their games and don't play.

[@anitasue3208]

Omg can relate since my father died 7/8yrs ago my brothers stopped talking to me and my mother has been the one to keep it that way by pitting off against one another saying so and so said this about u & visa versa stirring up trouble. That way she has separate supplies and tells your business to the other when u have specifically said don’t tell, she tells! I realised she has been always trying to control and dominate me throughout my life. Since some unlucky relationships/friendships I started to learn about narcissism and realised my mum has these traits also! Now I know what I have been dealing with all these years! I have put boundaries up which she hates! She wants to know everything but I’m realising I should NOT tell her anything I don’t want the world to know. Cause keeping it quiet/private is definitely not in her nature! She has hindered me for quite sometime now. So I’m glad I didn’t move out of London to be near her and kept my job. She would have driven me crazy 🤪! I rarely see her now and I’m glad because she was never in my corner! Jealous & envious of my independence & the fact I can look after myself without her help! That she never ever gave. It was always me helping her when I lived with her!! Money, chores, dinners! I was a mug 🍵 and never appreciated any of it! I wish I had left home in my 20’s not my 30’s!

[@jlockwood65]

Lisa! Love the new presentation style of this video! Just love it.

[@Serinussamurai500]

I get it since I was 7. Thank God for my Grandparents ❤

[@TrueSelfWalkAway]

I started April 2024. I am amazing what I have learned. I didn't know what narcissium was. I now see deep in my family. I choose to let than go. 12 week gave me missing piece. I am Divine and supposed to be here now. ❤🎉

[@lisaaromano1]

I am so delighted The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program has assisted in your ascension and healing. www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp

[@trace3113]

My mother has even has my grown daughter believing that I said some terrible things to her when she was growing up but those words came from her to my daughter not me. It would just be a argument if I tried to get my daughter to see where she is remembering things wrong, so I've lost my daughter and will never be a grandma to my grandsons.

[@nmc1859]

Things can change. With God all things are possible 🙏 ❤

[@morgyBear711]

I’m 57 years old and I just found out that my parents are both like this. I was just responding to her in messenger and I looked up at the tv and this was there. I had no choice but to hit the play button. She likes to humiliate me in front of my friends and pretend that she is joking. I have not ever had a single friend laugh. She broke me! 😢

[@OAlchemAzyl]

It’s been this way since she found that her husband my father abused me sexually. She gave me no support, she triangulated and made me the mentally ill one, and they gather and invite my father to their functions! I’ve gone 10 yrs no contact and I’m still healing the more they stay away the better I feel, I can breathe now. Shadow Work has helped me so much!

[@TheLadymac1982]

I’m glad my mom gives me the silent treatment cause I can go longer. And my mom could never guilt trip me on anything because thankfully she didn’t raise me much & when she was there she was out with men or friends.

[@Nicefoolkilla]

I was raised by my mom and had a sister and ive come to realize as a man with a self esteem that's been in the gutter longer than it should have been, and my self worth perpetually low, is the emotional abuse ive endured from these two women i call my family. I'm going no contact, once again, and this time for good. My family is my two boys.

[@tbunnyshy1]

I am going no contact in 4 days. This is over and my life will begin, after some more healing! Thank you Lisa 🤗❤️🕊💕🙌

[@vikster10259]

@@tbunnyshy1 Good luck to you, Stay strong!

[@starseeddreamer1]

Thank you, my dear!! I needed to hear this..😢I wish you, myself, and everyone still suffering a Blessed New Year, filled with peace of mind and emotional freedom. ✌️❤️✨

[@morgyBear711]

I have the same problem with my friends and other relationships so I’m pretty much alone now and I’m a lot happier now than when I was younger.

[@kristahackleylmt2064]

Anytime and every time I try too have a conversation with my mom about any conflicts.. She just tells me.. Oh, you just think I'm a terrible mom. I'm just the worst mom. That's all you're telling me! Its seriously nauseating and embarrassing, so there's no adult communication with my 70 plus year old mom when it comes to any conflict. Never has been and never will be.. its sad, very heartbreaking. I've asked her for 20 years to get counseling and she won't. She thinks she knows everything that's wrong with her and doesn't need help. Tells me in her b***** way. Oh, thank you, psychologist! She's so immature emotionally. That's what happens to a person when they spend fifty years in an abusive relationship. You become like the people you spend the most time with .. even if it's your abusive spouse, you become just like them.

[@kathleengalek4441]

Thank you for this video Lisa! I chose to not see either of my undermining parents for Christmas this week and this video of yours popped up on my feed reminding exactly why I chose to nurture myself. It reminded me of the silent treatment, the mother who the double sources of narcissistic supply (of telling others she is worried about me while neglecting me and looking for a reaction from me) and the pervasive mind games. I love how you said we need to shift from offering them our reactions to creating our own foundation of self love. I fully believe as you do this is a road out of the toxic system. Grateful for you Lisa 🎄❤️ - Kate

[@jilross4892]

My mother visited my brother and his gf. Without my knowledge. When she returned she told me how wonderfully she was received.

[@Mara_143]

💎💎💎 I am the black sheep.

[@gracemcloughlin9305]

Oh yes 3.28 onward, that's my life, present & past.

[@vickibolsover6559]

My mum is no longer here but i experienced all of these traits. Thank you Lisa for your expertise on this issue.

[@mellincoln1619]

You defined the four tactics so well. Thank you for helping me identify the method of abuse.

[@CookieMonster-hm8hx]

It is very necessary to reflect on everything you expressed on the 4 dirty tactics in order to express myself day in and day out.

[@sallithorpe1031]

Thank you ❣️🙏🥰💁🏻‍♀️

[@TracyNewton-q3b]

Shame on them, but thank you god for showing me how not to be. 🙏🏼

[@jenniferdroese8693]

Hello I hope it's OK to add 67% of Canadians are on multiple meds. That stat. is pharma, not including street drugs made in labs. I live with people who take about 11 pills every single day and they act crazy and it's really hard to talk to them

[@meabeck]

Thank you so much, Lisa Romano. ❤ You are straight forward with your knowledge of this subject, the depth of which has helped me a great amount. I am free to heal, and be me.

[@shellysawchuk1190]

Mother and father

[@morgyBear711]

Thanks!

[@lisaaromano1]

@@morgyBear711 you are so welcome!!!

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you for brilliant observations and excellent advice.

[@well_weathered]

Timely

[@Quintpeterson]

Lisa ... You've been a great force in the awareness of npd ,,, tons of intel on the subject on the net ... But I would like to see some live dramatization's with actors playing out some of the scenario's ... I would love to see some of that ... ❤

[@Andy-mm2us]

I think it’s fair to say that my ex-wife, if not a narcissist, demonstrates narcissistic tendencies. What brought me to this particular video Is that now that my daughters are teenagers I’m noticing a certain dynamic between them and their mom and as I’m on a five year Journey to recover from her treatment of me, I’m noticing a negative shift in her relationship with our daughters. I believe my kids are sensing something in their mom that I could not during our marriage. She’s their mom and they love her, but I think they sense much clearer than I could her sketchy tactics.

[@aishawf]

Thank you Lisa❤😊❤

[@lnicole2504]

My mother was the queen of the silent treatment and guilt. It was horrible.

[@Angelicaaal]

No contacts from my parents only at Christmas to give you money. They think that only one parent is ok and they only message me to say that they wanted us to have money to buy something. No call nothing from the other parent either.

[@rhondarobinson5620]

This resonates with me, I need to work through my emotions, its a roller coaster of emotions. I want to heal, can you help me Lisa?

[@Lynda-c5s]

❤ Thank you. 🎉

[@crankiemanx8423]

Thank you 💗

[@mariarichards5221]

thankyou 🙏🌹🕊🔥💪❤️

[@tesinka2001]

Problem je i opačný ... narcistická dospělá dcera....

[@shaunpdaly]

Before I woke up, my family and my mother went on summer vacations after I woke up my brother family’s filled the spot, he never went ever ?! Fake lizards

[@audrey1258]

💚💚💚

[@sweepapawahpaxtan2274]

narcsts in any form are hypocrites , v feel like strangrs withem where there can b no true love or safety

[@julianal.573]

💐

[@ninadurovic4641]

My mother now husband

[@HeyokaSeedz-g7f]

Thank you 💯💯💯

[@northstar5919]

💜Thank you.