Live Edit: Show me, don't tell me

Join Drake and Marie in a live critique where they tear apart a willing victim's work.
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[@faith518]

Thank you for critiquing the chapter! I took a lot of useful information out of this video! Thank you so much!

[@releasingyourinnerdragon]

You’re very welcome 😊

[@suvilienee]

49:13 "His skin walked off his body" too funny, almost choke on my ice cream... 😂

[@briankinsey3339]

"Almost dropped the cloth" could be "fumbled the cloth"

[@Maniac742]

XD That's like almost replacing a tire. It's worn, but there's still a few miles left in her still. Almost replaced it!

[@justwritenaomi4792]

@59:28 would fumble work?

[@releasingyourinnerdragon]

Yeah I think fumble would be okay :D

[@89RedXIII]

I would like to become a victim! 😀 How shall I proceed? Thank you!

[@releasingyourinnerdragon]

Mail us at releasingyourinnerdragon on gmail

[@LeVosgienLVHLS]

45.10... Hmm, while I approve the point - showing instead of telling, here I rather disagree. Or at least I can't help but wonder if at this moment of the narration, Drake's suggestion would not sound a bit overly dramatic (Kirara being internally 'ripped apart' or not. Possibly exemplifies even the occasional case of too much / unnecessary showing - these things happens too.

[@releasingyourinnerdragon]

One can absolutely go a little overboard sometimes :) And in editing these pieces blind, we of course don't know how much (or little) drama the scene actually should get.

[@maybecole]

I know there's not a lot of love for prologues here but is that something you guys accept? Or is it only Chapter 1?

[@releasingyourinnerdragon]

Prologues are fine :) I (Marie) actually appreciate them if done well :)

[@AndersRoss-bm4gq]

"Be aware that there are people who won't read present tense" is pretty awful advice... ngl😬 Like, it's all about what's best for the narration of the story. In this case, present tense i think fits perfectly. If a reader picks up a book, it's because they're interested about the setting or better yet, the characters. I wouldn't be so picky as to not read a book because it's past or present tense.

[@releasingyourinnerdragon]

In the other hand, I would. I couldn’t make it through Hunger Games. Something about present tense jars me.

[@AndersRoss-bm4gq]

​@@releasingyourinnerdragon That's totally fine, but let's be clear... that's just YOUR personal preference. Don't pass it as "writing advice" because it's harmful. If someone automatically writes in 3rd present tense... why would you force them to write in 3rd past? The same can be applied to you guys who automatically write in past. What would you say to a writing advice that said "you have to switch to present tense instead"? If I was a writer myself, I'd probably turn around and never seek any more "advice" from you no matter how constructive it might actually be because this type of "advice" only harms writers in the long run.