Live Q& A: How Can You Truly Make an Avoidant Feel Loved and Cherished?

[@alexahall576]

Is there a way to learn? How to communicate being an anxious attachment? Because my husband is avoidant. So I know how to communicate my attachment style and away for me to learn his?.

[@ΓιώργοςΚ-μ7ω]

The issue here is how can we make OURSELVES feel loved and cherished being with an avoidant.....

[@bossbear1256]

Seriously though. I know I am choosing to pursue my avoidant wife but I often wonder how things would look if she put in the work that I am to love me in the way that I need even though I am far enough into my healing to understand it’s not a matter of being loved in a special way because I was AP but am leaning secure on my journey to earned secure attachment but that I have to love myself and the more I do do this she comes closer so still that leaves the fact that she needs to heal to secure attachment as well or if someone was to not do this it would be a cop-out for not wanting to dig in and do the work and therefore will remain operating from and insecure un-healed place… so much to it but the biggest hope is our attachment styles are not fixed they can be changed to earned secure attachment with due work being done though over time.

[@Archonbuster]

🎯

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

@@ΓιώργοςΚ-μ7ω thank you for watching in for sharing your question. So your question suggests that being with someone that is a Avoidant is difficult because you were looking to them in someway to help you to feel loved. There is an assumption in this, that your partner is the only avenue through which you can access that kind of support. Additionally, if an avoidant partner is with you, they have deep and abiding feelings of love for you. It just may be, that they are expressing it in ways that you haven’t quite learned how to recognize or receive, because it may not be the way that you express it. Or it’s in a way that you don’t particularly value. So part of it is letting go of ego, (demanding that has to arrive in a particular package), to realize that whether you’re with an avoidant partner, or something else, the love is there as long as they are with you. Once you finally understand that, it stops being about love, and it starts being about compatibility. Because affection, generosity, and Support is just baseline. Now this is true, unless your partner is abusive. Then, the situation it’s a totally different paradigm. The only other thing I would add is that it’s not about “making” yourself feel loved. I believe that you ARE love already. It’s about removing the ideas, beliefs, and patterns of behavior that keep you separate from the love that emanates from your spirit, in your soul, inside of you, at all times, and always has. If there is a story you’re telling yourself that suggests otherwise, that is where you need to start.

[@mn9120]

@@brianamacwilliam.attachment Thanks, Bri, for being such a responsive host. I learned a lot from you on this channel. Dealing with avoidance in others is dealing with avoidance in oneself, and it seems we sometimes get stuck in despair why we can't fix it outside. ☺ I wish you 100k subscribes soon.❤

[@ΓιώργοςΚ-μ7ω]

@@brianamacwilliam.attachment Many thanks for being so kind and explanatory....ive learned so much watching your channel.... but sometimes i feel neglected and abandoned by my avoidant one....and start thinking of different things about how the hell people do not reciprocate the love and care that they are getting....and my mind and my behaviour are very unbalanced....