LONELINESS, Isolation are Common Signs of Trauma That Need HEALING

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People with Childhood PTSD suffer from more than their share of loneliness and isolation; when you heal trauma wounds, your capacity to connect is also healed. In this "best of" compilation, I teach about the ways complex trauma can impact your friendships, romantic relationships and relationships at work -- and what to do to begin healing your capacity to form fulfilling, reciprocal connections with others.
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[@kathrynanne6332]

I appreciate hearing this from somebody who understands. Isolation is a big problem for me. When I was a child, my main coping mechanism was fleeing and hiding. And it really worked. And the problem is, it still works. When I isolate, all my triggers go away. I feel peace, happiness, relaxation. But then when things get bad in my life, I realize that I have few or no people to turn to. So I know I need to work harder at making friendships work…

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

I feel u.❤❤❤

[@kimp7977]

So true, it is difficult.

[@smilin4harley]

L❤]]❤❤l❤❤❤])l

[@Jennifermcintyre]

Absolutely true and I can completely relate. I’m to a point where I want to find land in the middle of nowhere and I don’t have to deal with anyone.

[@mores5780]

Exact same. Helps to know it's not only me

[@cathunter3042]

In my 20s I worked with the elderly. I learned that most people remain in High School social mode their whole lives. I could look around the dining room and identify the social butterfly, the mean girls, the jocks, etc. The only difference was the wrinkles.

[@jodie3278]

Sadly true for many. No growth.

[@LassieSgr]

I have told mental health people they need to do a study on life in a 55+.

[@averagejane09]

Wow. That is kinda sad.

[@daisyviluck7932]

I saw a mean-girl dynamic with a group of 90-something women who were sitting at the lunch table mocking another woman whose dementia involves uncontrolled outbursts of crying and banging the table. Yes, it’s an annoying behavior, but she can’t help it. Besides, those elderly mean girls all had problems of their own (not one of them could control bowel and bladder anymore) and were in no position ti be superior to anybody else.

[@LassieSgr]

Yep. My entire town of maybe 40,000 are over 55. It's like that horrible junior high

[@lovingjesus5184]

Healthy people don't want to be around unhealthy people. I've tried for years to make friends with people that are healthy and they run from me LOL

[@Hannah_Rachel_and_Kotik]

Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe you saw clearly, and they were wasps, hiding everything under rugs

[@mariannnnnnnnnne]

Maybe they are little wussies. I'd rather have rich, deep relationships even if they are complex or difficult so long as we are respecting one another and supporting each other's positive growth. People who make you feel like you are unhealthy might not be good people for you to be around; let em leave. Good luck bud

[@Desilu2844]

Maybe, they are unhealthy like what she described in the beginning of the video. Maybe they’re running away because they’re unhealthy and need to feel their childhood trauma. I appear as normal as normal can be. No one would ever know what I went through. And I do run when things seem a little too close.

[@rounder540]

Be stoic.....

[@penniroyal4398]

What is so funny about your comment? What strategy are you using to become healthy?

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

52 years and I'm still trying to figure out how healthy friendships and connections work...

[@Privatenospying]

64 here 🙄

[@flugsven]

59 here! I try learning from book characters. For example; Pippin in LOTR taught me not to dwell on stupid things I've done, but leave it behind and move on. From the Harry Potter books among other things; it's okay to have different personalities, different views, sometimes be a bit sharp, it's even okay to have an occational fall out. You can still reach out a hand, and fix things if there's a will to do so. Implementing life lessons from fiction is actually working for me.

[@memelc5655]

Me too 😢

[@booreed7813]

89 here….

[@Graphxgal]

52 and can relate.

[@frankydottir8762]

When things go bad in my life - i want to talk to someone but find myself staring at my phone with no idea whom to call...

[@laylis12]

I feel you ❤❤❤

[@sunsetstormx]

Same...😢

[@lyndsaybrown8471]

I talk to my cat

[@heatherc760]

I feel this

[@tnmoppylaura5476]

Being social is exhausting. Being social in a group is overwhelming. Thank you for explaining how I’ve always felt. I make plans all the time, but seldom follow through. I want to, but I can’t.

[@rakrek7250]

Same

[@endlesspossibilities4852]

I feel this too

[@Eclecticcelestial]

Same ❤

[@wendyhannan2454]

Me too, it explains heaps. We all want to fit in, and be excepted.

[@Sweetshaunna]

Oh gosh, me tooo

[@SweetUniverse]

I don't even feel like I'm a part of my own family

[@malaysianth3great-bi8qt]

Exactly... I don't either. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. Its crazy. I have nobody now.

[@-life101]

Have always been an outsider looking in, just always feeling left out, having 8 siblings but still a loner. 60 yr old 🤦‍♀️

[@lovingjesus5184]

The only family that I had while I was living where I am now have passed away and the only living sibling is 1,000 MI away. One thing I've noticed so clearly is that the sibling that lives a thousand miles away left our home when he was 18 years old and married a girl and he pretty much became part of their family so their whole family Dynamic is different than the one I grew up in. I cannot connect with them at all. But my mother and brother that passed away were really the only family I had and even though we were super dysfunctional there was that connection that you just felt . And one thing about that side of my family is you always knew where you stood.😊

[@lovingjesus5184]

​@@malaysianth3great-bi8qtboy can I relate to you. I left where I'm living right now for 15 years and I never thought I was going to return. But I did and when I did I thought oh great I'm coming back to all these friends that I left behind and my roots but boy was I surprised it's like being in the Twilight zone. Either they disowned me, died or moved away. The ones that have disowned have never to this day told me why. I never thought I'd get to this point in life and be alone without at least friends but no family on top of it.

[@debw9351]

​@@lovingjesus5184 I know exactly how you feel. God bless you 🙏🏻

[@src3360]

I always felt undeserving. I had a lot of trauma that centered around my mother and it made me feel unloved, unwanted and never good enough. That is what she told me and how she treated me That unfortunately bled into my personal life. I remember vividly someone telling me how stronger I am bcuz of the trauma, I said that "strength" came at a price. That price is never letting anyone in, keeping people at a distance, unable to connect, fear of damage and abandonment, keeping walls around my heart, being cold to others, the list could go on...

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You had ways to protect yourself then that you'll have to unlearn now to have a more connected life... and you can! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@src3360]

@@realitywave Im not a dog person

[@gennyzentella4692]

I can relate, I was abandoned by my mother, and sent away, had abandonment issues and that I'm not enough.

[@michellelippincott6097]

@@realitywave and dog spelled backwards God

[@sunmi2233]

Wow telling my story. 😢

[@rockpadstudios]

I've ruined friendships all my life, as I look back I had bad PTSD. In a room full of people still feeling alone is how I would put it.

[@H3c171]

If it's ruinable, it's not true friendship

[@rockpadstudios]

@@H3c171 Yes that's true but I also meant social friendships. It helps not to act nuts.

[@larsstougaard7097]

Can relate, my PTSD and childhood trauma has created very strong dynamics that makes me avoidant in many aspects. I simply don't trust other people. Hope you find support

[@rockpadstudios]

@@larsstougaard7097 Thanks - I'm ok now and have a care free life in many ways. I'm getting ready to retire soon and looking forward to just working on my house.

[@larsstougaard7097]

@@rockpadstudios that makes me so happy to hear, good positive things on that front 😊. Wish you the best ✨️

[@yourenough3]

Listen to Anna I've isolated since I was 29 and I just turned 50 I found peace in nature and I love birds . Don't keep isolating because it don't get any better and you'll be 50 and very lonely and so afraid of trying to go out and make friends . Cptsd / bpd / bipolar are debilitating

[@Drakengard82]

The problem is that people don't want to be in my life so i don't really have a choice unfortunately lol

[@flugsven]

@@Drakengard82 I don't think I'm meant to write to you. First time my cellphone died, second time I checked the battery, then that comment disappeared. So; I've been rejected all my life. I've been trying to heal, because I really Was broken. I needed to heal, to find out who I was, my core values. I've always had "solo friendly" hobbies. Eventuelly I found something reminding of integrity. I learned to enjoy my own company. I learned to be kind to myself and not judge myself. I learned to take myself serious. To take care of my needs. Eat good food on regular hours, take good care of my hygene, see to that I get the hours of sleep I need. If I'm down or upset I try to selfsooth, by doing something that makes me calm. Watch something that makes me laugh, maybe read an book in the bath. I finally found two friends. Naturally one of them can't stand the other 😂 but still. My reflection; when I was kinder to myself I became less judgemental to others. When I learned to selfsooth I didn't get the sudden, probably terrifying, outbursts of rage. When I found my integrity I didn't agree to things I really couldn't manage, and thus not putting myself in awful situations. I realized I was allowed to say Thanks but no thanks. I think I wasn't there before. Not really. No boundries. I wasn't showing up. I don't know what your troubles are. But I hope you'll find a friend or two that you can truly appreciate and show up to. Be kind to yourself in the process.

[@yourenough3]

@Bert I was rejected by my birth mother and then was raised by my sister which I was led to believe was my mother, I found out the truth after she died , I was 44 years old when I found out. So I was lied to my entire life , I was first the lost child in my family then became the scapegoat. I've not had any luck with connecting with others . I've waited to long to find friends and my tribe. I accept this life for what it is. I wish you the best.

[@evaeggen7825]

Thank you for your very good advices here, i think i learned many things.❤🎉😊 Even though i though i had more ADD than c-pst.. but there are many similarities, i listen sometimes twice, to learn more!!

[@PeacefulMind5746]

Dad was never around, Mom unloaded him as she was the breadwinner. (I was in 3rd grade) 1st stepdad was psycho. (She got rid of him) 2nd one was a charm (I was an adult by then) But I tried all the partying back then 1970s, early 80 s. Didn't fit in, didn't feel right. My mistake was in not making good connections (not necessarily friends) and now I'm 67 and yeah a little lonely. I do have a husband (he has family, but I don't fit in there either. I have 1 really good friend. Better than nothing. Make those good connections and they will last a long time. You know who the good ones are. Step back and observe

[@jenniferv]

I was isolated as a child- sent to my room, spent hours in there- for pretty much any offense or when I got to be too much trouble for my family. I developed a huge fantasy world as a child to comfort myself. I'm sure that has everything to do with why isolation feels so normal (but also painful) for me. To further complicate matters, I was bullied by friend groups multiple times as a child. I completely clam up in a group setting, too triggering for my brain. I watch and listen to other people telling their stories so confidently and entertainingly. I want so much to be like that, to feel at ease. But my mind goes blank and I never get a turn to tell my stories. So I feel people don't really get to know me. It is rare that someone will take time to draw my stories out or show me enough attention so that I feel comfortable. Much easier typing my stories online, but then I am sharing with basically strangers who don't care. I'm in two groups now related to my hobbies, but I'm still on the fringes. I keep trying, and I just wish I were healed already so I could stop feeling so anxious around people.

[@susanasalazar9473]

This happens to me. I blank out. It’s so frustrating. What I’m doing now is trying to tell my story even if it takes longer. Our opinions matter. Our words matter

[@larsstougaard7097]

Thanks for sharing your story, means a lot 🙏. I have isolated myself for many years too, felt nobody ever really saw me or understood me. In some strange way it gives comfort to read the comments here even though they are sad, we are in same boat in a way. Wish you all the best ✨️

[@Prosperityessentials]

Us strangers who can relate do care ❤ You’re not alone .

[@__berichh5375]

Relate a lot!

[@allthingsharbor]

I understand completely as our stories are the same. And I do mean the same.

[@charlescharliejpeg]

Growing up in extreme poverty, sometimes homelessness, my parents kept me and my siblings away from any connections that might lead to issues of discovering our poor living conditions or question my parents parenting. I went to home schooling at 13 since then only found friendship through drinking and drugs in my teens on into my 20s. Now sober going into my 30s i’m trying to work on making normal friendships through work or school but find myself isolating because of the traumas brought on through childhood isolation… Hope all us CPTSD’s move on and up ❤

[@cynthiadudal9301]

Me TOO

[@melissamorrell3658]

Me too… everything you said

[@the_famous_reply_guy]

It won't happen, You'll always feel you're pretending or waiting for them to fail.

[@tas4u93]

Do karaoke

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@the_famous_reply_guy it can happen, this type of comment might be you speaking from past hurts or something, but it isn't helpful. It takes work and guts to heal and change, but shifts in perception are possible and that can lead to positive external changes.

[@Ms_Thabi]

You are doing so much for us traumatised people and you are extremely appreciated 🙏🏾

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We appreciate your support. Jack@TeamFairy

[@bonniegomez5333]

​@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I so so so agree. I think you're future me sometimes

[@ADORABEL25]

How to heal. I only lay in bed for one year.. lost the love of my life due to borderline push pull.

[@ADORABEL25]

I dissociate / derealisation that’s the worst part

[@SunnyWolf444]

When people hurt me I pull completely away from everyone. I've isolated myself almost completely. I've always known my childhood was rough, but I knew my Dad loved me at least. In my life I've never had a good relationship. Yes I was emotionally and physically abused as a child. But it seems like it happened to someone else, not me. I would like a great relationship with my grown children but don't know how.

[@tnmoppylaura5476]

I’ve been thinking about what you said and I want to thank you. I’ve been a loner for so long, even though I was married for 40 years. My husband died 6 years ago. He was the outgoing one who knew everybody. I just rode his coattails. I had really good HR jobs, but it was exhausting dealing with people all day. Since he died, our daughter doesn’t come around. I haven’t see her or the grandchildren in 5 years. I’m mostly alone all the time. I really didn’t connect it to growing up issues.

[@jelemil]

I hope you get to see eachother soon

[@cherp5837]

You go and visit her.. i pray that everything goes well for you

[@tnmoppylaura5476]

@@cherp5837 she’s moved to Wisconsin and I’m in Tennessee.

[@cherp5837]

@@tnmoppylaura5476 i am unmarried at 41 and i have seen so much from my early childhood that i have no hope iin life Marriage children and friends seem totally out of scope and meaningless My grandma was an angel and yet i saw her kids rejecting and humiliating her I believe that apart from all the inability to form connections in life there is an elemeof destiny as well that plays a role No matter hiw good one is to everyone you never know what you will get back I hold no hope and thus no disappointment But i keep each and every one in this comment section in my prayers coz i know the hardships we face

[@stuartsenften237]

May have Schizoid Personality Disorder?? IDK, it's what I Have, and Your Manifestations kind of Indicate this Disorder..

[@alf8569]

disconnected rejected 3 words that represent my childhood unprotected i make friends easily but can never keep them. i'll never stop trying though

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Yes. Me too. Never give up. We will find our tribe.❤🙏🏻

[@ebufi7957]

Very good that you make friends. Appreciate them while they last. Friendship is fleeting.

[@hillaryb5799]

i know right it’s very hard to maintain friendship or any relationship

[@designchik]

I liken my experience of being around people to a decaying battery that gets drained more quickly than others. I have to fake being “normal,” and it’s exhausting. The only time it was ever easy was when I drank, and when I stopped drinking, all the awkwardness came rushing back. Therapy has helped me learn how to fake normalcy, but I can’t imagine what it would be like to interact with people without the constant second-guessing of my behaviour and actions. “Weird” is a perfect way to describe how I am sometimes.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Ah, you really sound like a many of us in the Daily Practice. I know you've been active on this channel for a while. Have you tried the techniques?

[@designchik]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I have, but I struggle, Anna. I continue to try, though, and will keep trying until I master it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@designchik there's a Daily Practice call tomorrow. Can you come? Come be part of the group, ask questions, find support. With support, you can master the DP in a day, and then feel more free EVERY day. Maybe a membership so you can take part in all the peer-led activities?

[@designchik]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I will sign up right now. Thank you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yay! A tip for being sure we get to speak (many more hands go up than I can answer): Get to the call at starting time, and raise your hand (using the Zoom hand icon) right away. Then you'll be sure to have a turn!

[@marjoryanne3305]

I needed this video it resonated with me.I've isolated for 3 years only going to work and coming home. I moved because I was over an hour away from my family and friends. I still found myself isolated but yesterday I realized I need to do something about it so I joined a kick boxing class and started lifting weights again. I feel a live again. I'm thankful for this post I get it now.

[@jazzsoul1695]

Working out helps a great deal!

[@kimberlydianelucas2591]

⁠@@edwardpaddock2528 Remember, you do you! If you’re a superior athlete, enjoy that. As long as you’re humble and encourage the others there’s no way they should resent you unless they’re nuts(and too jealous). I’ve never liked competition either. It stresses me. But if you’re a natural athlete you could invest in learning something not to compete but to teach. Have teaching others and giving back as your end goal, and people respond to that. That’s your thing or superpower. People will be attracted to you. You have something to offer and share, like Anna. For example, you could create your own club on Meetup app/website and teach in a park or beach for free kickboxing or self-defense if that’s something you know. You can check how they set those meetings up on meetup. Don’t give up ❤

[@delorespaduano959]

Thank you! I'm 61 and have gone all my life and I never felt like anyone gets it. You do. I'm one of your tribe. I've been married 4 times. No personal friends. Never had any. Never was invited to things. And I want a friend but don't know how to.

[@Chapps1941]

Me nearly 64

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is the place for you. Jack@TeamFairy

[@carrino15]

I have given up, completely lost navigation about people, nowhere safe and effort to get out of isolation has absolutely no guarantee... i worked myself out of my mind people-pleasing, being considerate, listening, and creating events, only to find out my best friend went after my man's attention and was snuggling and cuddling with him even when she got a boyfriend, other people exploited me for economical reasons so heavy it completely left me broke.... No matter how kind you are people could ruin you..... and being with other traumatized people very easily becomes a pity party, not helpful, not to mention the madness of the "law of attraction" and toxic positive thinking culture .....Our society is falling apart, and people being traumatized is a symptom of a more broad socioeconomically situation........ Take it easy people if you are like me and need time to even consider if people are to be trusted ever again.

[@Jennifermcintyre]

First time here and I’m having my Aha moment. It’s as if you are describing me! Attracted to the wrong people.. fearful of getting close to anyone because you are afraid of being hurt and having a low self esteem and don’t feel worthy of being around successful people. Living in regret for my decisions that have put me in the position I’m in. Alone and I don’t even know what makes me happy anymore.

[@lilycat1694]

It is so frustrating. Big struggle for me. Never belong with whatever I try and get involved with. It’s all shallow for me and it sucks. I do not belong anywhere. People just stress me out. I am an isolated weirdo.

[@lovingjesus5184]

I'm thinking peculiar and unique but not weird. There is a difference. Who's to say what's normal.

[@michelebess8904]

Hi. I am exactly the same way. You are not alone :)

[@99rhodie]

I am too. I guess it helps to know it’s not just me

[@lovingjesus5184]

I just encourage you not to believe those lies that are in your head that you're a weirdo. Who defines what a weirdo is? God created us and unfortunately during our lifetime we do get a little twisted but He can use that and Spite of Ourselves.

[@lovingjesus5184]

@@realitywave sad reply

[@daughterofyeshuaa]

I’m only 25 minutes in and this has been so relatable.. I feel so seen. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone , because it often feels like it…. I start therapy tomorrow! I’m so ready to heal and begin to become a healthier human being 🥺 I wish everyone else the best on their healing journeys!! We got this.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

What a kind thing to say! We appreciate it! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@larsstougaard7097]

Hope it goes well I'm in the same boat 🚢

[@zaram131]

What kind of therapy? I’m trying to figure out where to start..

[@andziagreen4922]

OMG I had no clue this was a reason of a trauma, I thought I'm just bad person😔 and couldn't figure out on how to make friendships to work out

[@msatutude17]

I recently went to a paint and sip and realized how "weird" I was being. I'd say I've been having surface relationships, and it is definitely taking it's toll.. I always considered myself a extroverted person, but over the last 10 years it's turned me into someone idk and never thought I'd be. I'm so tired of feeling lonely. It's hard to find a therapist that can give me solutions, but I've moved around so much and my financial situation has changed I can't keep anything consistent, so hearing this, is like finally being UNDERSTOOD. I don't need sympathy, I need solutions. So thank you for this

[@jenniferrevilla5298]

It helps in the therapist area to find one trained in trauma therapy. They help like none of the others ever do. mine has helped me a lot to see what triggers me so that I don't "react" to the trigger with the flight/fight/freeze "reaction".

[@msatutude17]

@Jennifer Revilla thank you so much for this! I'm gonna try searching that. Working on my triggers is definitely on my list. I'm glad you're working thru and healing. Sending you love ❤️

[@user-yn2zs5yi6j]

This cptsd is so powerful. I spent ovee 60 thousand dollars with a therapist. She/We never talked about my problems or coping skills. I know her entire life story while she knows nothing about me. Why did I stay in this relationship. I lost my house. I hate myself.

[@kimberlydianelucas2591]

@@user-yn2zs5yi6jIt happens to many, don’t self-blame, self-compassion heals. Therapists can be narcissists and take advantage and get things out of your sessions for themselves that you’re paying for. When you’re vulnerable and grow up listening to any authority figure and always doing what they want and what you’re told - I can make disastrous mistakes because of my codependency and people pleasing that was instilled in my childhood and on into my adulthood as the way to receive love and acceptance. The important thing is to break that pattern of how we bend to authority figures without expressing ourselves. Instead we have to question them and communicate what we expect of the situation we’re in. I used to think “I’m easy going” though rattled by anxiety and fears. No, I was a walking mat, usually from fear of abandonment or guilt.

[@taleandclawrock2606]

@@user-yn2zs5yi6j That therapist should be sued!!!

[@WildAlchemicalSpirit]

I have turned fully "weird". I've been isolated for about 7 years now. It's getting pretty bad. I wake up from nightmares of losing everything I love and I panic about my life going by and dying alone. It's horrible. I have not been able to find how to change things. I got to a point of pretty much just accepting that this is what I'm fated to live out, this lonely life... but I haven't completely given up. There's still a spark of hope in me. 🙏🏼

[@conniegonzalez6055]

I need a friend, if you don't have addiction problems, I would like to be your friend

[@TheMary0831]

I was having similar nightmares before I quit drinking. I wasn't an alcoholic (I don't think) but I would drink wine most nights. Doing that really gave a jumpstart to my healing. It made me depressed and anxious.

[@ambercarter9746]

A lot of times I feel like my life and experience are too toxic for others. I don’t blame everyone else. I just know it’s me.

[@shaajenkins736]

Same... if I can't handle me, how could I expect anyone else to be able to?

[@katelist8367]

I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Yes, I have finally arrived at the conclusion that it is indeed MY problem.

[@Joyfullyspeaking]

I have found my tribe!❤ Not many people understand that my mother left our family (in the 60’s) and my sister and I were raised by a hard working Dad. Escape from others was and is my way of feeling peace. I have tried to join groups and always back out. I’ve just never realized there are others just like me. Shame has been my cover for so long. Thank you for your insight and support.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I am so glad you're here, we're all sending you support :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@victoriayoung6165]

People scare me I am sooo alone! I grew up alone and I’ve sabotaged every time I entered a social group…. Your experience brought up so many emotions in me! I am trying very hard to break out of the isolation but it’s hard and I am 60 and wasted so much time!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We absolutely understand. The Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on healing loneliness and creating more connected relationships. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Connection Bootcamp: bit.ly/CCF_Connection -Calista@TeamFairy

[@deborahpellerito6117]

You are helping so much I'm in my mid sixties but I guess it's never too late

[@pickyour]

I’ve never felt this seen around all my problems. I’m astounded not just another person but a whole community feels similarly.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes, what a relief to find out we are not alone! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@lovingjesus5184]

Think this is the third time I've watched this video and it just amazes me that every thing that is said I can relate to. Everything..amazing. It explains so much. I will say though, I get tired of the being the one apologizing. I can't always be the only one that is the problem🤷‍♀️

[@lovesakitas]

For the first time ever in my life, I am beginning to see myself clearly. I have done some things that baffled me and I’ve always felt like an outsider.

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

On top of the trauma, I was on gabapentin having adverse effects for 6-7 years and didn't know why I was so unwell. I just detoxed off the last 400mg so I'm still not entirely myself. I couldn't shower, take care of my daughter and I only ate oatmeal I could make in the microwave for over a year during the pandemic. I had no appetite and couldn't cook. It has been very isolating because I literally couldn't show up for other people let alone myself. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact I have wasted so much time with nothing to show for it. I'm lucky I didn't lose my daughter, job and place to live. I was begging God to put me out of my misery because living like I was was more cruel than death. I have been through some stuff in my life but this experience topped it all. I don't even know how I'm still alive. I'm angry at my doctor for not listening to me when I told him numerous times that something was VERY wrong with me.

[@jazzsoul1695]

I'm hoping you get this message and see my points here. I've watched at least 8 of your videos and they're excellent! But here's something I've gone through: I've joined groups and NEVER shared my horrific experiences because it's just a social group: movies, jazz performance etc. But 98% of those people aren't capable of being there, and it's not appropriate to discuss that stuff. One woman was very hyper and detached. When it's just me, she goes on and on like it's a therapy session! Rest assured even successful people are often "squashing" stuff. Thank you.

[@dapsolita]

Yes! I was thinking the same thing but thought, I'm just weird! Most people I have encountered are so shut down and don't know how to function any other way. It may be the society at large that has a problem with truth in life.

[@jazzsoul1695]

@@dapsolita Yes, society wants us to be "fine" or act fine. Don't rock the boat, because " you're bringing the other family members down." My older sister was and is a shark. I stay far away.

[@hajerm]

I love the idea John shared (u brought up around 10 min into this video)… about being steered away from healthy relationships when we were growing up, and then how we either attract, or are attracted to, people who are leading messed up lives. I have done this repeatedly, and I determined my unconscious reason - healthy people intimidate me and I fear that they will see me as f*ed up so choosing people with broken lives (like my own) meant coming in as an equal. However, I would purposely choose people who I saw as even MORE broken than me! I thought I did this so I could be their hero or saviour, and thus they would never leave me. Sitting with that idea for several months finally broke open another layer deeper, that it’s really ME, refusing to let ME go, I have not been hanging onto these relationships because of them, but because of ME. It is ME wanting to save myself by proxy! Does this resonate with anyone else?

[@samanthaf7836]

Yes, thank you for sharing

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I'm working on lessening the Black And White thinking....

[@TheMary0831]

THIS is now my biggest concern. I turned 60 and I began to go "weird." Thank you for this. I am fighting my way back. I was hugely social when I was younger. 20 years after I started moving toward isolation, I have not dated, I gave up on it. I decided I couldn't handle being hurt, so I started losing friends. It will definitely be a slog re-connecting, but I am determined to do it. Thank you, Anna.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@singthelemur5211]

My theory about why I choose wrong people: as a child I had wished someone could see my pain and help me. Now I try to be that person for others. Except with lack of clarity over my own boundaries and needs. Sort of like saviour syndrome. So that gets me in trouble.

[@WW-ob7ek]

I normally couldn't sit for 30 minutes watching tv shows and Netflix, but oh boy, this video is like half movie long but it feels very enjoyable listening to Anna and learning about myself more.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you enjoy it and it is helpful! Nika@TeamFairy

[@trialandcreate]

I agree as I've been isolating too much due to lockdowns and grief but I'm a true introvert and have trust issues, I'm going to try to meet new people but 1 to 1 or in small groups or probably will start an introvert Meetup. I think introverts should not push ourselves too hard and gradually meet a few people at a time but rest a lot as well, as overstimulation in big groups is part of the way we're wired and not only caused by trauma. I love your videos!

[@simonwilson7581]

I was excluded from my friends group, or at least I felt that way. That was until I started posting what I was up to on social media. Suddenly it was like every body wanted to message me. I started to get invited to more things because it seems to be the nature of adult friendships - they're transactional. People want to keep close the lawyer, the doctor, the accountant, or just the arty one, funny one etc. So maybe people here should evaluate what value they provide to others. Or just demonstrate that you're satisfied by yourself so people don't feel like their company is an obligation. I busied myself with hobbies like cooking, hiking and photography. These are all things that I've been able to talk about with NEW people. I ask them for tips which makes them feel valued; to others, it appears as if my value as a person is higher. This story is just like Anna with her writing class. Edit as I'm listening: it is shame! The shame of feeling like I'm boring is gone. I've become proud of who I am without needing validation. As a teen I struggled with friends because we'd go to each others houses but never mine because I was so ashamed of our house. But don't forget to be cautious around the ones that made you feel inadequate in the first place. Not everybody can afford to travel the world but a particular person made me feel like I was boring because I hadn't been anywhere.

[@simonwilson7581]

@@JenSell1626 That's very sad. I imagine it's caused you to become very cautious and observant when making new connections. In ways it's also sad for those people as they are financially needy and are selling off one of the best parts of life. They could have had you as a friend but wasted the opportunity.

[@simonwilson7581]

@@JenSell1626 wow that sounds really tough and I'm truly not sure what I can say after reading your comment a few times. It seems you have gone to extreme lengths to try different things. As awful as this may sound, it seems like the only thing you can do is to continue trying but in the same way. One hiking encounter turned very sour but perhaps that entire activity doesn't need to be ruled out if you enjoyed the idea in principle despite what happened. What if you were to be the host of your own meet up activity? Perhaps when you have adopted the leader role, it would attract less of these vampires?

[@bbdn5123]

​@@simonwilson7581 I like this idea however for now, I'm super exhausted and just want to tag along, I don't want to be the leader, chosen or not...

[@xoyouaremysunshinexo]

What drives me crazy is when you invite people to do things, they never follow through, cancel on you last minute, etc. but as soon as you start enjoying your own company and start doing things alone, everyone is asking why you didn't invite them. If every time I've asked you to hangout and you've said no, I'm not going to continue asking. I know some people say they like to still be included, but I've been in situations when I was younger where I was told I couldn't take a hint, that people were saying no because they didn't like me and didn't want to hangout. It's confusing. I deleted all of my social media 5 years ago and basically fell off the grid to start fresh. I go to classes at my local community center alone and it's AWESOME. I've found interacting with like-minds much more fulfilling and it's just acquaintances vs. the "friendships" I had before.

[@karenrader2160]

​@Jen Sell Beware anyone in an MLM!!

[@ashleyholland]

I’ve been on a pretty intense healing journey over the past year. I’m newly divorced from a pretty abusive relationship, and I am now a single mother to four kiddos. I don’t regret it, I’ve spent a lot of time pondering the relationship, and reliving it. Marrying him, was the exact same relationship that I had with my alcoholic mother. Abandonment over and over. And my father with emotional abandonment. I grew up literally believing I deserved nothing more than that. Your channel has helped me see ME. What’s happening to ME, the why’s, and it’s touched me like no other channel has. Thank you. So. Much.

[@onemuckypup9823]

You deserve to have a wonderful life - a life of being comfortable in your own skin and on your own terms. Good luck - it will be hard work but well worth it. Sending you hugs from Australia xxx

[@ashleyholland]

@@onemuckypup9823 ❤️ thank you!

[@janetblanc7658]

Well done Ashley for having the courage to get out. Not easy with four little ones. I hope you'll be really happy.

[@ashleyholland]

@@janetblanc7658 🙏🏼

[@nireeburr]

Thank God there’s someone in this world who understands what it’s like. I think right now I’d be locked up 1 million times over, but if people read this or heard it, they understand instead of blaming or shaming us. I’d love to be able to tell you my story …..,😢😪🦋 I really like your show on here you help many of us. Thank you 🦋💐💥

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for taking the time to comment! If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters Nika@TeamFairy

[@shmeggley]

Well I feel called out. I’ve been doing this isolation and running away from friendships for an awful long time. Been trapped inside myself for even longer.

[@The3rdGunman]

47 and this is the first time it has ever made sense...

[@memelc5655]

I give give give. And I don’t get anything back. It gets ridiculous after awhile so. I continue to keep to myself

[@thatguyjoe007]

It's difficult to connect with people when you have absolutely nothing in common.

[@Jennifermcintyre]

I feel the same. I hate to say I don’t know anyone who has the same interests but I’ve sadly forgotten what makes me happy.

[@NinorahDeux]

That's exactely the point. When you saw the devil in the eyes, you don't have the same vision of life than others. They seem futile. For me, they are a waste of time.

[@critters16]

I feel I'm at the end of my life and just nothing's going to change now, I wish I could have heard this a decade or more back. Thank you though - you do a really great job.

[@carlettesouthern-robert2992]

Some are late Bloomers! 💐

[@Chapps1941]

I'm nearly 64 and I've just discovered the articulation between the abuse and the way l am. It feels all a bit too desperate to me now. Every topic that Anna talks about l experience. Some, a lot, to a high degree.

[@equus3333]

@@Chapps1941 I’m 72 this is so very helpful

[@Chapps1941]

@@equus3333 did you just discover this connection? Between abuse and how you've turned out?

[@lovingjesus5184]

I am 67. I feel the same way but I don't have a choice to give up. I'm a devout believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. When I first became a Christian my life change drastically but the nightmare that's discussed in these videos still haunted me. It continues to but I want to be all that God has called me to be and I do believe he uses people to bring that to pass sometimes. I hope that I can learn to do that through these videos. Awareness is important accompanied with prayer. His word says My people perish for the lack of knowledge and I think that can apply to this. I pushed through for years and I've been involved in many groups, Ministries and churches. I've been on several mission trips and have been very social and involve my entire life but never stuck around any of them for long. I've met hundreds of people and have no close friends at this point in my life. And I have allowed myself to become isolated :-) it's kind of nice not running around all the time and I'm a creative person so I stay busy in my own little cocoon.

[@ljiljanameter5902]

You have no idea how much you are teaching me and reveleing me my self and helping me in so many ways. Even understanding that I am one of those like you is so helpfull. And finding out here that my THINGS have name. Oh, God, thank you for this beautiful woman. ❤ I send you all here much love from Croatia. Thank you so much. ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We're so glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Gotholia]

Wow, I couldn't check all the boxes more acuratelly.. I've done it all, and I am in that dark place, no friends, saddness and wanting to stay forever without romantic relationships. I felt pride for being that person that is always there for others and sad to pass the most difficult times of my life alone. I had my fair share of violence and neglect in my childhood as you can assume and hearing all this made me even more sad, because I tried and failed to fix my self. I need reprogramming ASAP, lol. Thank you for your enlighting speech I send you a big hug, from Athens, Greece.

[@VernaFerguson]

Oh I am so glad that you are doing what you do!!!! My sibs and I were the only ones I knew growing up that had the "crappy" life. I saw cousins nearly every week at my grandparents but I couldn't even talk to them. Most certainly I would not let anything slip at school. I had to take speech therapy for 3 years when I began school and was bulled and put down as if I lacked intelligence. I wasn't going to give anyone more info. We were just brain washed into not talking about our crazy crappy life period.

[@myndi4903]

You have described my whole childhood and leftover life..I'm so grateful to have found you

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@roddiemc91]

Isolation is way more better than Anything

[@seamusconlan9673]

I don't trust or even like most people and have no interest in having anything to do with them. I've always been an outsider and do not enjoy how I feel in groups. I dislike the curiosity of strangers and don't trust over friendly people. In the end it's people who hurt you, it's people who abandon you, and it's people who always betray you. I've learned the hard way that people are dangerous even the ones with smiling friendly faces can turn against you in a heartbeat. No doubt there are good people in the world even great people it only takes a few bad experiences to destroy your faith in humanity forever. That which hurts instructs.

[@shamtasticyou5485]

Same. I hate all their damn questions when they really don't give a shit. Their "curiosity" seems to turn into self educating them on how to take, use, then disappear etc...

[@NinorahDeux]

YES. Social relations are just transactions, and as victims of ptsd, we loose 99% of the time thinking naively that we can have a free relationship. People are a tremendous waist of time and energy, and of money also. Actually, most people have relations because they can't stand to stay alone, they are not able to.

[@shamtasticyou5485]

@@NinorahDeux Facts!

[@lindafogarty3924]

@@shamtasticyou5485 I’m sorry you have been hurt by others so much. I think we can all say that, but just know that when I ask people questions, I really want to know. I am generally very interested and I have no ulterior motive except to get to know you better, or just have a positive interaction with you.

[@shamtasticyou5485]

@@lindafogarty3924 Thank you for your response. I understand what you are saying. I am like you in that I ask questions with no ulterior motives. My comment was about the humans who do so with ulterior motives as they deem people like me and others weak.They trigger on purpose to purposely hurt you, then when you are to the point that you are crying, they say, "Why are you crying, it does nothing for you!" And so on. They build themselves up by bringing you down. It's why we must have boundaries and for me walls as well. Keep ourselves ptotected. Learning how to read people to know if their intentions are good or bad. Idk about others, but another reason I ask questions is people want to talk about themselves. So, it takes the attention and questions off me. I am unsure to call that an ulterior motive as I think it is protecting myself. Either way, I never mean any harm, just like you don't. Wishing you the best and stay safe out here in this world. ❤️🙏

[@txallylester]

I was raised being told not to bee too much. As a child, I was to be seen, not heard. And the idea that people who showed emotions were too much, fake, and/or unstable has stuck with me all my life. I apply it to me. Ugh! Time to unlearn that!

[@daisyviluck7932]

I have friendships that are decades-old, for which I’m grateful. As I get older, I realize we’re all different levels of damage, we all sort of “stumble through”. And although we confide in each other, we tend to need our distance after a deep share. A better dynamic than some people, but not the level I’d like to see.

[@Chapps1941]

I was weird from 6 years old. I've always felt not included. At 7:10 This is all so hard. The only friends I have now are psychologists.

[@lovingjesus5184]

And they are the weirdest lol always trying to fix themselves through fixing everyone else.

[@annamay3707]

i even married one. A true psychologist does not try to change the other person, but gives empathy and listens and gives the occasional advice but always in line with that person's values. The goal is to find your own way with some help along the way.

[@anzelaiv]

I wasn't socialised because my parents lived in chaos and had no time for such things, they didn't avoid it on purpose or out of fear, but John's perspective is also valid. When I'm in company of secure healthy people, I feel like a broken toy amongst shiny new ones. It really does feel like they are two-dimensional, the sad part is, that third dimension is trauma. I am looking for people with traumatic past to connect to on a deeper painful level, to be seen, understood, validated, not so we could cry on each other's shoulders but to provide support and grow strong together. ❤

[@pendafen7405]

51:30 ahhhh not the "too much" critique⚰the one I get a lot to this day (at age 30) when expressing a basic reasonable need or disappointment is "you're impossible" or "you're difficult".

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So relatable! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@johi5922]

Thank you for putting words for what CPTSD is like and why people with trauma acta like we act, and have the knowledge of that we are not dumb or that there is nothing wrong with us, we are just wounded people. Requote: Being social is exhausting. Being social in a group is overwhelming. Totally agree, I am a social and talkative person, but being social makes me really tired sometimes and I feel bad about not be able to fill my whole potential. I have many of those Seld-Defeating behaviors that you have on your list. Gosh, I am such a broken person.

[@jenniferv]

I am only social and talkative with people who feel comfortable and safe, so not many people. I trace it back to childhood which I can't change. But I can accept that I have fear and that is the first step. so I say to myself "I feel overwhelmed" instead of saying "I am broken". We don't have to identify with the overwhelm or fear or anxiety. It's just an emotion that we are experiencing and wish we weren't.

[@99brushes]

I tried explaining how I feel/felt for years and then I found your chanel, it almost feels like catching myself in a mirror unexpectedly. I feel seen. Thank You!

[@kimberlywinkelmann5515]

This really hit home. I didn't really think I was isolating because I'm around people a lot, but I'm not really connecting with a lot of people. I keep them at a distance until I know I can trust them not to hurt me.

[@dianenietolopez8624]

I don’t lose friends. I choose to leave them. And I have always limited myself to trust only one or two. I’m like that with Counselors and anyone who I allow near me. I choose who can be around me. I’m 57 and I’m bearly trying to figure out why I do this. Thanks to therapists who take the time to make these wonderful healing helpful videos. I have horrible horrible days when I just want to die and I pray and pray 🙏 and pray 🙏 and I open up KZbin and each and everyone of y’all say just what I needed to hear. That just lifts off the horrible weight of my soul. Like I can breathe and see again. And then I’m so grateful that I’m still here. I go to my counselor and tell her what I learned on You Tube and she says; don’t be self diagnosing yourself. I’m in Texas now. My diagnosis is different in New Mexico. Right off New Mexico said I have Chronic PTSD. I had never heard of that. I was abused during my mother’s pregnancy as an infant, toddler, child ect. I didn’t get triggered with anxiety until I was 50. And I didn’t even know what the heck was happening to me. All I know was my brother was verbally abusing my mother while he was drunk and he is or was a body builder and he was huge next to my mom and we were in bed already. I came from out of town and I slept in my my mom’s bed with her. She got out of the bed and left the door open and I could see my brother standing over her and yelling at her and in an instant I started having a panic attack and I got up and I didn’t know what to do and I panicked and ran into the bathroom and locked the door and I was freaking out. I need to remove myself from the screen. I went back to the bedroom and got my phone and text my caseworker and she helped me. This caseworker is from New Mexico. Texas doesn’t have these kind of caseworkers. (Compassionate) not where I was at. Now I live here and I know what I’m talking about. Every time I have a panic attack like this it takes me like 2 months to feel normal again. Never had I ever gone through this as an adult. Until I moved away and lived in New Mexico for several several years. I must have felt safe there and went back to my family and it opened a whole can of worms I didn’t know existed and belonged to me. Wow what a horrible experience. My first reaction is always to do self harm. When I was teen I became a cutter. Early childhood trauma is so hard to do alone. And I choose do it alone. It’s so hard to trust people even Counselor’s. As an adult I know they are not perfect. But in my head they fk up if they something unprofessional. It’s so hard for me to trust anyone because the person who said would keep me safe. Didn’t and never will and it’s so hard to except that. I’m having a really hard time with this. But I know I’m going to get through this.

[@АннаАсаева-ъ1у]

These videos are an absolute treasure, I'm so happy I found them. I felt isolated my whole life everywhere I went, and it was totally self-induced. It feels like everything falls into place now, and I see my problems aren't as unique and weird I thought they were, which means they are fixable! A million thanks to you, Fairy!

[@criscriscriscris11]

Dayum, I was just blocking someone on social media because we had a fight and I was thinking...dayum, why all my relationships keep falling apart, piece by piece. And then you posted this. I keep thinking I might be too picky, but I keep shuting down on ppl because I feel like they treat me like shit..or maybe I have too high standards😢 Its so weird. I feel flawed and at the same time I think this is healthy - to cut one sided friendships off. Very confusing...I dont know if Its my trauma responding or im just setting bounderies by cutting them off. When I forgive people they tend to go further with they shitty treatment, but then if I cut them off I feel like I might be too hard on others, so I just go along with shitty friendships that end up frustrating me more and more till the breaking point and I prefer isolation

[@heatherc760]

I could have written this. At what point do you stand up to yourself and have boundaries? Versus pushing people away? I totally get this

[@carlettesouthern-robert2992]

Isn't everyone, at least a little dysfunctional? Strive for excellence, not perfection.💖 Perfection is an illusion; and excellence helps us grow. Awesome video!🏵🌷🧡

[@chrispig7748]

I have had childhood trauma, I was abused by my parents. You are absolutely right. Thank you for this video

[@deec411]

We never know what pain other people have experienced in their lives. I always identified with the saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

[@marcolalotawil]

it often makes you weaker

[@ElsieMOE100]

I resonated with so much of this. I just got out of a 90 day treatment facility for my alcoholism and I found your videos while I was in there. It definitely aided in me piecing together a lot of things about myself. I plan on trying out your courses a bit further down the line when I'm out of my IOP center thank you 😊

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Good happy thing! Very proud of you. The Daily Practice was something I learned from a sober alcoholic woman. It's a free course I offer. It could be soothing whatever is going on in your life.

[@sarahrose7487]

I still have trouble finding my tribe… I recognize, as you said in the video, I don’t get involved because I fear being rejected as I was when I was younger… I always had to change myself to “fit in” with people who all seemed to be so perfect and as you said, I just wanted to be wanted and part of something… and those people never allowed me to fully be accepted so I started being an outsider and a rebel and I looked down on those that seemed to be part of the group. I didn’t realise how much I’ve isolated myself and how this has made me feel alone… assuming people don’t like you is a big part of the problem and I read once that if you go into a room of people (something I still have trouble doing) if you imagine that everyone likes you instead of imagining they are criticizing you, it certainly makes it easier to create connections… I’m a work in progress, but it helps knowing what the underlying reasons are why we are like this… thank you! 🙏

[@SamStone1964]

I'm almost 60 and have never found my tribe so now I have chickens :)

[@helenatroy33]

Its funny. Watching your videos for my own healing, but then discover how much of the trauma is in other people too. Inadvertently discovering that nothing should be taken personally as most people are straggling themselves. Knowing this reduces triggers. Powerful.

[@mauveygillam]

I happened upon your content. And recognized the loneliness aspect in my life so decided to watch this particular video. I have just sat and cried and cried and cried. From the first seconds you basically describe me. How I have stormed through my life. How I have held myself apart from others. How my behaviour has affected others. How I have always decided that others are bugging me, not me enjoying massive self righteous overreactions. The relationships I have ruined. And how kindly you put all this. So no one feels judged or dreadful. Not even sad, because you are promoting hope. Get some healing she said. Thank you so much for your wisdom, your knowledge, your kindness and perception. Thank you for taking the time to talk to us, others in the same club, to shine a light on the way to wellness.

[@ErictheCleric1]

Just downloaded the daily practice, all your videos on every subject hit too close to home for me, CPTSD, the narcissist mother, alcoholism, limerence, divorce wounds, trauma bonding, gaslighting, nice guy syndrome, new age escapism, magic thinking, feeling neglected, abandoned and rejected my whole life with a deep desire for isolation and at times death to escape from dark realities, deep bitterness, rage and resentment at others and myself for failures, these truths are crushing and terrifying, and I've even spent thousands on counseling to help myself get out of these destructive behaviors. Nothing worked yet. I'm now going through triggers that are tempting me to isolate and rage at myself in an intense emotional grip. And perhaps I'm also "oversharing" here as we abandoned and neglected children seem to do this out of our desperation for any feeling of being cared for by our parents or friends. Sheesh... anyway thank you. My own history of alcoholism, parental divorce, my father's death and suffering from cancer, drug abuse, and self-sabotage has really screwed me up in every facet of life. I'm damn near broke, a 31-year-old college dropout with no degree or certifications for a better job. No spouse, no children, no home. I've broken addictions but some still remain. Nothing fills me with more dread than making an emotional connection with someone, from day 1 I expect to be discarded and I usually am, or overshare and they run away, further solidifying my apparently false belief that I can't get help or being "too much." I'm even a caregiver now as a job because I'm still living the fantasy of "mr helper." Mr Nice Guy is more like it, which is why I'm still single, it sucks, so ill do the daily practice and see if my Simp mind can grow up. LOL

[@Chapps1941]

Wow, many of the same things. I've had umpteen women say I'm a nice bloke. But they are lying because they don't want to go out with a _nice guy_ because I'd be going out with one of them. But the 50 I've tried all really think of me as an arsehole ... which l must be. My stepfather bashed me senseless for 11 years flailing fists into me. To get thru it, I'd say, "I hate my mum" over n over. I fell out of love with my mother aged 8, I'm nearly 64.

[@ErictheCleric1]

@@Chapps1941 Damn man, that sounds terrible. I dont think the women are lying per se, they like nice guys but they dont DATE them, because they dont respect nice guys. "No More Mr Nice Guy" is a book she reccomended and I read that helped me out with this particular problem, judging from what you said here, you might have picked up the nice guy worldview becuase you didnt want to become like your father or step father. I did because I was in constant competition with my Father and since he was in and out of my life a lot, I didnt get to know him that well. Hope that helps

[@Freedom-dq8rn]

The world needs more nice guys. My heart goes out to you. Keep working on life, work. Never give up.

[@Chapps1941]

@Ericthedrummyboy it does. My daughter says l was a good father but I was in pain. I say to people that when they found l was going to be born people asked "Whose the Mother?" She was a sex / money exchange entrepreneur and we'd see her for 15 minutes on weekdays. This consisted of her putting on make-up and not interacting with us. And just like that into the taxi cab to spread her love with others. I got the impression that she must've wondered who all the little people were in the house. (We were her kids ..... apparently) After she left, for _work,_ me n the next brother down would be bashed by the narcissistic stepfather. As the years went on brother #2 & #3 would be included. My sister didn't get bashed because of sexism. My youngest brother didn't get much either because he was blood to the stepfather. I was the scapegoat because I was the oldest. Bashed for everything that happened and a lot of times for nothing. I was once thrown down stairs from a height of 3 metres but l had to get up because l needed to be there to get bashed 30 minutes later. But there is a poodle in Luton, England that can eat with a fork n knife. So there's always that.

[@ErictheCleric1]

@@Freedom-dq8rn I appreciate that good sir but I disagree, the world definitely does NOT need more nice/good boys, it needs dangerous MEN, not man-boys or nice safe genderless desireless robots. Treating people with kindness and respect is one thing, being nice as a tactic for social manipulation or out of fear is another. Nice Guys manipulate people to get what they want out of a core belief of give and take. The book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" helped me realize that. Highly recommended.

[@truthseeker3773]

Feeling really lonely for the first time in my adult life. Husband died 1.5 year ago. Started isolating and grief together. Hard cycle to break

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so sorry.

[@nickp6498]

I’ve been around groups my whole life. I was even in the military. To me, groups aren’t worth it. You’re never real friends with people in groups…it’s all just one big show…who’s the coolest, who has the hottest gf, etc…there’s an intentional hierarchy at play here. The ones at the top feed their egos while everyone else either feed into it, or they’re painted as the outcasts. The best friends I’ve ever had were friends that I made independent of any group. I’ve never stayed in contact with a group friend. In fact, I feel like I’ve never REALLY known them. You could have a group “friend” that doesn’t even like you and you’d never know it because you only know them in the context of the group, you don’t REALLY know that person. Group friendships are always shallow.

[@bunnymad5049]

Gosh, 100%. I'm introverted and find people tiring, but love people, but am traumatised, but found it easier in online introvert groups. Sometimes it's been toxic people, sometimes I know it's been me. Other times it's been me, in a controlling church, asking questions and then being shunned. I'm still better one on one and have a few very good friends like that. I'm always pushing myself out of comfort. At present though, am getting help for finally breaking after 10 years of chronic illness and being rejected because of that illness. I have to live in the house but still do stuff for church and serve as a mod online. And I've noticed that I could turn "weird" ... and didn't like it. And, now, 8 minutes in, that's enough for now. LOL. My illness doesn't allow for long periods of concentration, but I really appreciate finding you on here and I'll work through it. Bless you. xx

[@benicio1967]

I knew instinctively, by the age of 4 or 5 that I was literally in my mother’s way every day of my life. I was not wanted; or at least my mother never ever made me feel as though I was wanted. She never ever made me feel as though she was proud of me but honestly she really had no reason to BE PROUD OF ANYTHING where I was concerned. Parents who are unwilling to invest time teaching their kids a handful of skills or if they withhold affection, in the end they inevitably wind up with some deeply scarred adults that they chose to neglect as kids. As these children grow into adolescents and eventually adults, derelict parents have the audacity to harbor shame and resentment toward their own children for being lost incompetent adults with no direction. My mother was not a bad person but she failed miserably in how she parented and I have spent decades trying to sort out the absolute mess she made of my life. I rarely see anyone and the scary part is it doesn’t bother me in the least. I prefer isolation. Loneliness is something I don’t experience. What’s most difficult is having to deal with the constant pressure to attend family gatherings or various social events. I simply do not want to go to anything that will demand that I’m engaging or that I wear an exhausting smile or a pleasant. The most perplexing thing for me is that I’m struggling harder now with the abuse and neglect I endure in my early childhood than I did when I was actually living through it. Even at 20 and 30 I was able to cope far better than I can now. I’m exhausted and finding it difficult to even hold down a job at this point. I sincerely don’t know how others overcome the pain of constant rejection and abuse and then go on to be high functioning successful adults. Many of us never marry or struggle endlessly to have happy stable marriages or relationships and so many never have children. I feel like a weak failure as a human being. The fall out from neglect is lifelong for some. It leaves you with feelings of self doubt, a sense of worthlessness, hopelessness. Adults of childhood rejection remain in a state of feeling lost and overwhelmed. Frankly, I feel as though there’s very little I actually know how to do.

[@wateheckful]

Tried to make friends and to be included. End Result: i'd be left out very often from gatherings or they found their own clicks, after me. 😢 Not that i chose isolation. But it's isolation which chose me.😢

[@E.C.2]

Happy Mothers Day to all Mothers.

[@garycooper9207]

Oh yes, this is me. I love my own time but I feel lonely. I have felt this way forever. Old soul. I rather stay by myself than get hurt badly again. I have my own family but I tend to stay at home a lot. I cannot deal with groups of people. I feel safe with my own little family but got no interest mingeling with others. I always thought I am introvert but I guess it didn't help having mentally ill mother who abused me almost daily. I just wished she would leave me alone. If I asked that, her to give me a break, she did the opposite. My first death thought was when I was just 9 years old. But I thought I can't do it because my dad would be so sad

[@deemee7329]

So sorry.. my mom didn't let me go anywhere.. I might get raped. Couldn't work as a kid, Couldn't move out, had to marry to get out.

[@garycooper9207]

@@deemee7329 Sounds really rough. I hope you are happy now and can have the good life you deserve

[@flamissia4]

It's like you have seen practically my whole story. It's amazing - and sad - how many people feel they are the only ones who are alone. From age 8 to 50 I was a lone wolf. Age 8 my mother married my step father. Every day of school was painful because no one wanted to be my friend and everyone called me "weird." Then in middle school the petty social clique games were totally devastating. I was diagnosed as depressed, so my parents took me to a shrink, who didn't even want to let me talk about my social pain, he was all about Freud. So until I guided myself through a lot of self healing (I had always been poor) and finally made and kept a friend at age 52. Through my twenties I had only abusive intimate relationships, and only my narcissist mother to run to... Then I raised my children in the country as a mommy hermit. And I DID become narrow, harsh and fanatical. I wanted with all my heart to be a loving mother but my own mother's abuse just came out of me - I'd get triggered and lose self control. Until my 50's I thought I just didn't belong to the human race. Now that I understand C-PTSD, I FINALLY, at age 62, I understand my lifetime of pain and isolation.

[@eniconico]

I am relatively new to your videos and find the ones I have seen all so helpful. In this video, you have explained the need for social connection in such a compassionate way. Listening to the first couple of minuits, I wished my father had talked to me like that as I was a highschool student. He had noticed my isolation and said that the reason for me not having friends in the same age was that I was ”mentally crippled”. Until today, I was more or less unable to manage being in a larger group and I also have attracted a lot of people with unhealthy background. Today, after a marriage over 20 years with a narcissistic person I am slowly healing and pushing myself little by little to connect with people. It is so exhausting, and somehow I still tend to push back kind hands from healthy people. But I go on trying because I do not want to live the whole rest of my life in isolation.

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

This is just what I needed today. Thank you. Thank you. God bless you and all you are doing. It really means so much.❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you!

[@kevinmasterson5733]

I love this video!! Your description of going to the 8th grade dance was so evocative, heartbreaking and sweet. Also what you said about going to therapy and the New Age nonsense and these bad relationships being "your teacher." Been there & done that. I kept staying in bad relationships (especially with family) thinking it was my "karma" and I needed to work things out with a toxic person. So many examples in the different clips are so relatable. We want to be the who we are, not defined by "what they did to us." Brilliant. Thank you again Anna for all you do.

[@rebeccakrause7057]

I don't or never use to have trouble in groups. When I was living in the San Francisco Bay area (back in the '90s) I never had a problem in social groups, I always had (well most of the time) friends and a social life. Fast forward several years, my then fiance and I moved south to San Diego and then to the suburbs to buy a house. I had friends who moved up from San Diego with us and bought houses in the area, but later left due to housing crisis and whatever. So for the past 15 years I have only had a couple of friends, well not so much friends and just people wanting something from me. Constantly asking for favors and getting almost nothing in return. I have wonderful neighbors and have tried being their friend. I've been invited to birthday parties and other social gatherings but when it's a more intimate setting I'm never invited. Even though I reach out, invite them for coffee or on the rare occasion we do entertain, they do come but I still know that I don't fit in. I know I'm different and have come a long way to find my confidence through the grace of God and am fine with who I am. I am a good person despite my problems, dealing with both bipolar disorder and cptsd. I'm loyal and always willing to help. But it's not enough. I do extend friendship but I feel like my hand is getting slapped away. It's taking a toll to the point I'm exhausted to be around people. So I revert back to my shell and just have to believe my children, animals and last but not least God is enough.

[@pamelahughes1469]

Thank you for your words. As a child I too have a similar upbringing, no direction, rejection, abandoned even in the same house, but God brought other family, teachers and friends to help me realize I was ok. It was a journey of several years and still things pop up but Christ has carried me through. Thank you again for these pod casts that help explain all the yuck we experienced.

[@swannoir7949]

My angst with 'god' is that he never sent anyone to help me or at least be supportive, like he did you.

[@andreav1706]

To have a relationship with God, to be reunited with God, because our sin separates us from Him, is to first acknowledge and understand our sin against God, (and all of humanity sins) and believe on Jesus Christ , who was crucified, died and rose again 3 days later. His death was sufficient to pay for our sins, and his resurrection is God the Fathers stamp of approval on His sacrifice for us. Jesus says repent and believe the Gospel, the good news of what He did for us on the cross, and He also says John 14:6 New International Version 6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. Turn to Jesus with your sin and ask for forgiveness, and put your full faith and trust in what He did on the cross to pay for your sins. This now brings you into relationship (reconciliation) with God the Father, who will help you with your traumas in His timing and sort you out according to His will for your life. God Bless!

[@andreav1706]

@@swannoir7949My reply to comment was meant for you. 😊

[@marthamagee2055]

"Support from people who get it is central to breaking the cycle of shame." ✨Crappy Childhood Fairy

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I can definitely relate to having to deal with dysregulation.....

[@constancesmith8881]

Yes! Don’t try to fix me! OMG! I’m tired of someone telling me “ You need to…”

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Nobody likes it! :) Julie@TeamFairy bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice

[@brittanyhunter3331]

What I’ve noticed I do to mitigate this is constantly surrounding myself with new people so that I don’t have to confront the fear of intimacy…new church, new group, new friends, etc. thanks for calling. This out!

[@anothercampervanchannel]

It's funny you saying you're resentful of those who seem to have it all together, as I look at you and think similar thoughts. You're so clued up about stuff (important stuff) and are wonderfully compassionate. You have a loving relationship and a hugely successful YT channel. You have so much 🤗

[@douglasmcgregor5511]

Describes my struggles exactly, especially at the start of this healing journey.

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Yes. Me too.👌🏼

[@jenniferg6818]

I tell everyone about you. They giggle when I say CCF, then when i see them again they say ....hey ive been listening to CCF. I love it.

[@OI814U2C]

Yeah, this all is so familiar whether just the human nature experience, or very consistent with CPTSD. It's amazing, and a little saddening, that abuse does such definable set of effects to anybody. You know your whole life something is up, then you find information such as this. Thank You for your channel and efforts CCF!!

[@Iamawesomelovedandblessed444]

I only want healthy relationships and I won't settle for less ever again ❤

[@tinac1111]

Hello Anna, I am new to your channel. Throughout my life, I have gone round and round trying to understand myself, and why I pull away and retreat from social situations/interactions/groups. It started as "Oh, its them" mentality, to "No, its me", to "I can't figure out how it all works!?" And ultimately to feeling that being alone was the best. (I do have some beautiful individual friends, but groups I just can't do) My mode of handling "my issues" was to retreat to a safe and comfortable alone-ness. This of course has caused me to "miss out" on most of the important milestones and experiences in life. Not understanding the "whys" that have caused me to do so has been even more isolating, as I don't feel like most people can relate to me, and don't feel safe in most social situations. ( I try, but find myself retreating back to my safe isolated life.) I think that I stopped actually feeling lonely because I had no way to fix it. (Therapy helped with some tools and healing, but the pervasive wanting to be alone continues) The irony is that I want to be social, and enjoy DOING social things (but at this point just alone). Maybe here I can find some answers and help. But honestly, I still feel like being alone may just win out again. But for today, I'm glad I'm here. Thanks for building this community!❤

[@sunsetstormx]

💖💖💖

[@AchievingIndifference]

I love hearing her tell her stories. I feel like our stories would make good movies wouldn't they?

[@martyjoyking4905]

Thank you Anna. You said it all so beautifully.

[@bizzarroworld1518]

Not only trauma caused by parents, but emotional abuse from older sibling...lasting a lifetime