Live with Dr. Ettensohn (Heal NPD) - 4-26-24

[@wildmeadows8495]

It’s so validating to have your professional and compassionate descriptions and insights - the defenses, false self, and disorganized identity, as well as the means to progress from NPD. Thank you! Many of us have been fighting and suffering every day of our lives for decades with little to no help. Understanding makes all the difference.

[@healnpd]

Thanks for your feedback.

[@eileenwalsh6048]

Thanks for this insight into this condition. My husband of 20 years left our family last year for another woman and left me and our teenage kids in shock. After doing some research I realised he ticks the boxes for NPD. Despite the pain and hurt he caused us, I still care for him, and having an understanding of this is condition is helping me to get over the break up.

[@katieandnick4113]

Reading this short comment brought a tear to my eye. Your capacity to empathize with your husband is so refreshing. No wonder he doesn’t believe he deserves you.

[@leanneb9111]

I understand that going live is not an easy exercise but please keep doing them as your insight is invaluable. Your compassion and knowledge is so helpful. Thank you so very much Dr Ettensohn

[@healnpd]

I appreciate that

[@nburuchara]

Thanks again for these lives! They are so helpful.. A lot of people with NPD (that I've come come across online) only have online groups to console ourselves as a safe space. So you're doing SUCH good (you have no idea) by providing this safe space with your professional insights!

[@healnpd]

You are so welcome!

[@daisybrown3819]

I agree this channel is brilliant. Always fair and so helpful

[@katieandnick4113]

The vast majority of people are pathologically narcissistic. A primary difference among the less and more narcissistic ones is the former’s ability to acknowledge their pathology. You guys are the healthier ones! And while I wouldn’t say the doctor who runs this channel is highly narcissistic, I would say that the majority of clinicians and especially diagnosticians are. It’s crazy to think that the people telling others that they are sick and twisted are the more sick and twisted people. But I guess, in a big way, it makes sense. Projection and defensiveness are big problems for highly narcissistic people. And I can’t think of a behavior much more defensive than telling other people they’re broken.

[@AnaSilva-to1sy]

There's many therapists on NPD, and not many have compassion about the disorder, I think that's what the person meant when he asked you about switching therapist. It's very clear that you are passionate about trying to help the Narcissist.

[@heartinthecity]

I have BPD but I learn so much from your videos! You are doing the entire Cluster B a great service.

[@healnpd]

Thank you. 🙂

[@CB19087]

Bpd and Npd. Interesting combo. My friend has Bpd, my relationship with her has triggered a very familiar wound within me. I usually isolate myself from people due to the fear of my self-esteem being annihilated. At first I enjoyed being idealised by her, and I idealised her too. When I started to see that she was incapable of seeing me as an individual, it started to trigger me very deeply. I've become more and more angry and impatient with her constantly leaning on me with nothing in return. Just take take take. It reminds me of my mum. Just using me. It's triggered my inner critic who is relentless at the best of times. But the S* ideation is present all the time and I feel incredibly depressed. I understand that I could terminate the relationship. However I can't help but feel it's actually really helpful to experience exposure to what hides beneath the surface. It's led me to your channel and I think I have finally found something that resonates with me. Bpd never really sat right with me, I don't have a fear of abandonment. I was abandoned. I have a fear of being rejected. When I'm rejected, I feel murderous rage (metaphorically speaking). I'd say I was higher functioning. I've learnt over time that people enjoy being asked questions about themselves, they enjoy when you take an interest in them and I get a healthy self-esteem from those relationships. I am going to book sessions with a psychoanalist as I think I have an unhealed narcissistic injury. Thank you for your channel ❤

[@kathleendinsmore7588]

I respect your insight, Doctor. We as codependents in recovery often fall into dehumanizing narcissists. We have been in the fight of our lives to salvage our own sanity, sense of value, and worth. Your image of the person outside the window in the cold looking in on the family warm and safe inside brings to mind something my mother shared. When I was 10 she suffered what they called a mental breakdown when my dad moved out. Looking back on how she described that experience leads me to believe she had a narcissistic collapse. Many years later in her 80’s she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She became very childlike. It was at this time that I got a glimpse of the person she may have truly been before all of the trauma in her life.

[@sandracampbell4066]

For all of those of us who cannot understand how to actually find the right therapists--thank you. We might not yet be getting the benefits of the ongoing therapeutic relationship from such videos, but at least we can get insight. This was incredibly helpful in parts...the idea that anyone could see the little kiddo behind a facade of entitlement is truly edifying.

[@melaniejane3116]

34:00 ya for the last 2-3 yrs I’ve told myself that if I have Npd I’d kms. Cause having Npd would mean there’s something wrong w me, that I’m not good. And that’s unbearable.

[@healnpd]

I have heard this from many people and want you to know that there is hope for meaningful change even if you have NPD. These issues are caused by trauma. They do not represent a moral defect. They do not mean that you aren’t good, that you can’t love, or that you don’t deserve to live. I am so very happy that you are watching my channel. I encourage you to seek out a therapist if you haven’t found one already. You don’t have to do this alone. If you are ever in crisis, please call 988. It’s the national suicide and crisis lifeline. It’s free and available 24/7 anywhere in the US.

[@melaniejane3116]

@@healnpd Thank you Dr. Ettensohn. Teared up when reading that, in a good way. Thank you for hope.

[@anneboland4575]

Your respect for your NPD clients and others is refreshingly healing. Many online podcasts on NPD seem to be from people who are trying to heal their wounds by venting their anger/rage. Quite damaging!

[@katieandnick4113]

TBF, they’re not really trying to heal their wounds. They certainly believe they are, but what they’re really trying to do is bring their unconscious beliefs into alignment with their conscious beliefs, and one of their most deeply held unconscious beliefs is that they are unique victims. That nobody has suffered like they have. I think that is characteristic of so called “vulnerable narcissism”. The martyr complex.

[@melgonz.6962]

​@katieandnick4113 Girl what? You have no idea what 100% of people are thinking. That belief itself is very narcissistic of you. Some people may think they are unique, but some may truly be trying to heal. Youre projecting your own trauma onto other people. Not healthy.

[@SherriBoggs-kj2lk]

I haven't watched this one yet, but since it just popped up I'm saying here that I'm SO glad you make these videos on NPD!! You've filled in so many huge knowledge gaps I've had on understanding it in just the 4 videos I downloaded and watched.....and I've been trying like mad to understand NPD and really studying it hard for 3:years. So again, a huge thanks! Excellent work Dr.!

[@healnpd]

Glad you like them!

[@AnaSilva-to1sy]

After listening to videos saying, 'Narcissists are the way they are and ' There's no Hope for Narcissists' and 'They're not going to change, so stay away from them', and 'They're not human being, so don't humanize them', It's refreshing to hear that someone looks at what can happen in a Narcissist life, because they are made in the image of God.

[@mehnazansari9215]

This is beautiful. I have seen a lot of content put up to dehumanize people with narcissism on the internet. You are doing a very good job sir with putting up whats real. I have been with someone like this. It was painful experience but at the same time I saw in him how painful it is for him. If only we can build a healthy and compassionate environment for everyone to heal. I also would like to add from personal experience that its 100 percent correct to state that their lack of empathy is not a problem. Many people struggle with empathy. The problem here is perceived attack on their self esteem and they fight very hard to save it. I wish everyone who is struggling with this well. Everyone deserves love ❤

[@fliegender-teppich]

dear dr. ettensohn, listening to your live video again - thank you. you are giving so much hope for getting better and being a human. looking forward to a new life/content 🙏🏼

[@brandonmcalpin9228]

“They can’t take on the challenges of the world, so they hide away on their little islands of isolation, fantasizing about who they might be, while never becoming anything.” -Frank Yeomans, MD He describes people with NPD often being socially isolated, not having any friends or being unable to keep friends. Most of whom are still living with their parents, hiding away in the basement or in their bedroom. They’re alive, but they’re not living.. At least, not living in the real world. This hit me hard. It’s interesting, Dr. Mark. That description is so vastly different from the way NPD is portrayed on the internet. My question to you is.. What percentage of Narcissists do you think match that description? If you had to guess? I ask this because Narcissists are always described as these gregarious men who have a myriad of friends, they’re always socially active, they network, they can never spend a moment alone, they have a girlfriend, a wife, a maid and at least a hundred concubines. 😂 Meanwhile.. I’m isolated, no friends(I believe most are), living at home, not making any moves towards building a future because.. idk. I guess it seems like any move I make will trap me in a mediocre life? So I escape into comforting reveries, seeing the life I want, feeling it, and often times, falsely believing I’m on that path.. Only to realize later on that I haven’t gotten a single step closer to even remotely making that happen.. So it repeats. Again and again.. I’m 30 years old. I absolutely cannot believe my entire 20s is gone. It vanished. Poof 💨 Gone. I have no fucking idea where all the time went. I don’t know what I’ve been doing for the past 10 years… Just seeing that typed out was extremely distressing.. 10 years… Time seems so cruel. I know that sounds dramatic but I seriously freak out about this. I can’t imagine being 40 and looking back.. I see why NPD worsens with age. PS: I’d imagine empathic therapy makes Narcissists feel extremely uncomfortable at first. Lol.

[@electrifyingct4303]

Sounds very similar to my situation...

[@electrifyingct4303]

Sounds very similar to my situation... yet Ive been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused.... so I've decided to self-isolate myself. Can't sleep at night trying to figure out if I've truly done something so terrible that I deserve this situation. If you try to discuss things to to resolve them, well then, "you're just a narcissist trying to weasel your way back in." I would like to know more truth on the subject because I feel that the internet has caused no healing or resolve for NPD or victims.

[@brandonmcalpin9228]

@@electrifyingct4303 Abused by your partner and who says you’re a narcissist? 😂 Ironic huh? Same lol

[@electrifyingct4303]

@brandonmcalpin9228 Exactly. When listening to this man's videos, I can relate and understand, "yeah... I do feel those ways, and I have always given the cold shoulder, and I do feel miserable with myself all the time.... but does that make me the abusive one???" To me, and this may sound extremely "narcissistic" of me, it seems everyone else is the abusers if they are just beating up on a defenseless child which just proves the inner child's point. The reason I am here, and the reason I am intrigued by this... I don't want my child to grow up feeling the way I have felt all my life.

[@brandonmcalpin9228]

@@electrifyingct4303 I perceive everyone else as the abuser or the malevolent ones too. Lol. Pretty sure that’s a NPD and BPD thing. That’s why I laugh when I see so many posts about how “narcissists are everywhere”. No… they’re not… But if you see them everywhere YOU go… Hmm… what’s the common denominator in all those situations. 🤔 because it’s statistically impossible for so many people to know even ONE narcissist, let alone several. 1 in 200 people.

[@josho_reacts2.0]

as someone who may have this (undiagnosed) 17 year old Male Can we survive long term relationship with Great communication and religiosity ?…. With our partner and can attachment and self awareness of shared fantasy be converted to love can it be relearned since our first experience sucked….. and we received a lack of it…. If their is a self there but he is very damaged can we help him build the tools…. To love ? I am asking because I entered a relationship

[@electrifyingct4303]

If I may be honest, and hopefully recieve some insight from you... what you are describing at 34:00 and a little longer, is how I feel after a long term on and off relationship with the mother of my child. I have put away things about myself and even some hobbies I enjoy becauseI feel connection to the relationships failures must have been some things about me and my existence. Have I developed the "narcissistic collapse" characteristics from being nitpicked and never good enough from my ex-wife? You say to embrace yourself and your own flaws but in doing so every little flaw was used as an excuse to tear me apart and degrade me. Later in the video you say to "put yourself in their shoes" and try to feel their perspective... I have done that for so long that i just have no feeling left anymore. Is it healthier for my son and I if I just walk away completely and let him grow up in her pretend new happy family? Or keep doing the "you get to spend the night with daddy 8 nights a month"?

[@insignia2543]

Hi Dr Ettensohn I've been doing lots of research and came across an interesting fellow named Daniel Mackler on KZbin. Have you ever heard of him?

[@hiei29]

❤❤❤

[@michellesecrett1]

Can you make content on the definition “narcissist abuse”? Is everything being labeled that? Also, some research on the belief that “all abusers are narcissists”. To help with the stigma of everyone labeling their abusers narcissists? Also, current statistics of NPD % of adult population?

[@IsitReallyrealreally]

Roughly 3-5%

[@healnpd]

I have a video about this on my channel: kzbin.info/www/bejne/m2HPq2qNeMRsmJosi=JTzKWwjm1U3-HpEo

[@melaniejane3116]

45:20 A definition of what NPD feels like

[@eugenelewis2249]

Masterson called it a defense.

[@JustT725]

Does OCD go hand in hand with NPD.

[@fairygurl9269]

🌳🍃

[@imm0rtalitypassi0n]

Interesting you used the term "drowning" to describe the NPD experience. The guy I once knew who was self-admitted BPD (quiet) but most likely also NPD as all the real things about NPD line up as an exact match with what I experienced/witnessed/was told by him....he often used "drowning" and "treading water" to describe his state of being, especially when trying to explain why he was taking and not giving when it came to empathy & effort. *Filed under "things I wish I knew then- for myself and for him*. ❤️‍🩹

[@cupoftea2957]

I haven't watched the video yet, so excited, only just noticed it. Just wanted to comment that I really relate to the metaphor of drowning. It's a description I've used before to describe my experience and it's exactly what I see others with npd going through too. Hence the complete lack of care or consideration for anyone else,; it's like you're drowning and in that moment all you're trying to do is survive - often by pushing someone else under water so you can take a breath. It's horrible. It doesn't excuse it of course - I think for people trying to understand the disorder it goes someway to help describe the desperateness of it all and why some people can behave with such impunity.

[@imm0rtalitypassi0n]

@cupoftea2957 yes. That's something i realized almost a year after things fell through with the person I mentioned. I realize now that so much of his behavior was survival/threat/response conditioning which made him incapable at the time of showing up in any other way. I care deeply for him, from afar now, and truly wish him healing and love of self and others. I have him to thank for a lot of profound healing I ended up forced to do, and I mean that with grace and sincerity. I wish you luck as well, and hope you too can heal and find peace within yourself. We're all out here fighting internal battles, just doing our best to survive. ❤️‍🩹

[@cupoftea2957]

@imm0rtalitypassi0n Thank you. Wishing you well on your journey too.